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bet. this is a podcast of the psyche. my name is natalya loseva, my co-leading candidate of psychological sciences is a clinical psychologist. mikhail khorsa, our guests karina , who doesn't know how to be friends karin but the person you are friends with, he must be some kind of well, i don't know how to match you, the external ones are full of residue. there is no such thing, that is, here you are not worth some social barriers , some kind of social selection. mikhail mikhailov you a question. for me, after all, the concept of friendship well, it still has some kind of such. well, not quite, let's say material and rational let's say. uh, shade and explanation, because it really does happen. here, like. here people are different. this person is cute interesting. this is a pretty interesting one, but with this i don’t want to share, communicate, be silent , go to the cinema together, go to the cinema, and share something like that, well, guest or

joyful, but not with this. what it is? what makes people friends is, on some level, that are rationally complex explain. well, if we remove, and on the one hand, mysticism, and on the other hand, something like that is simply not quite materially rational. well, there may even be some smells, for example, from childhood, there are pleasant or unpleasant. yes, one smells like this, with such notes there are perfumes from another in a different way, and that's it, but the main number of problems, difficulties in relationships are not because of this, but because of our attitudes, because of ours here. your maximalism, which you impose on yourself in your work. yes how do you draw so you also present there for you. but this one is less than i want or what i expect and bad. this is almost the same thing, but in fact it is not so, but there are

a number of negative events, a huge number of events that repel me very strongly from people. i can tell that some people with people. i'm just very well afraid to approach me right away. look again , it repels you. you will try now. don't push me away. yes, but to hear just for the sake of what you came for this repels you, not how people behave, but how you feel about it, your expectations. yes, fears are derivatives of the opinion that this behavior is bad and wrong and should be different. here is the opinion. it is, of course, driven into your head by someone or even let's say by someone here, but this opinion of reality does not correspond to the opinion that you need to be completely good. as an artist to you, and to other friends. yes, it is

erroneous in your head there is a map of this world an idea about this world. and in this map, if it is correct, that is, this corresponds to the world. then we live according to this map, and what we expected, we got. but if the card does not match, then there are high expectations in it. false erroneous expectations, then every time we fall into a hole, where we thought there would be a bridge and pain. so how do you get a card? which corresponds to reality. there is no way to check, you can only understand and see what kind of reality it is and draw your map in accordance with what your artist is. yes in this world we walk on huge beach. the sand on which lies and we

walk and sometimes we see in this sand some kind of brilliant, er sparks, we bend down with effort. we raise this sparkle and look. no, it's also a grain of sand. good bad no song well, let's go on looking for emeralds and , probably, we will find to some extent, but most of the gems in this world, when they are found, they do not shine, but once again study other people you have a ban on e for that, in order to discover their depth, people generally want to communicate about themselves, basically. uh huh it is behavioral history. want more communication. tell them what's stopping you. there, i do not know how to approach. here you have a coffee machine at work, you run into a colleague who immediately pours herself this coffee. what's stopping you from asking? do you like it with or without milk? that's just what is called a smoltok.

yes, it’s not very accepted in our opinion that this is not enough, this is bad and should be deep. no, but what if we hypothetically imagine such a situation, and i will come up as soon as i want to ask this question. to me it seems that everything inside me will just go on strike and scream. wow why are you afraid? what will you get in response to some kind of irritation or condemnation? why? well, what if he didn’t want to ask me, and i just wanted to michael explained that the sweetest moments for a person. this is an opportunity to talk about yourself. yes , you ask, you do not say. listen , i like coffee with milk and two pieces of sugar, and then talk for 2 minutes. as you say, do you like coffee with milk. are you asking about him? make him nice you that it is a pity to give. well, even if he doesn't want to. so what, right? find out who is the best

phone salesman, who is the person who is calmly loyal when he is covered with obscenities and put a corpse. he earns the most money in general, therefore, ah. this is the fear that they will send me. it prevents you from being effective, on the contrary. set up an experiment. how many times do you need to be sent so that once someone talks to you about the story that you have been sent so many times in your life that you just don’t want to. it's scary to jump, they don't you want you want, but it's scary, yes, and fear is a derivative of your opinion, what when are you sent? this is bad. they are the very fact that it is sent to you. and this opinion is erroneous, because when he sends you, it is good and not good. it's just the usual pretty common life now and natalia is often sent. i don't even have a problem sometimes. why yes, i'll

bet, dear michael and ok karin hear, well, well. this we ourselves have now slipped a little even such manipulations . why, because that's all? this behavior is possible, if you need it, you can change your behavior within the framework of a well-known proverb, do you want to get something that you do not have? do something you haven't done before? change yourself. yes, but change if you need these external signs. it seems to me that another problem is that karine is actually not very interesting people. you see, she wants friendship, but friendship is, after all, uh, dialogue and selling. and i don't think you're really interested. people would very about myself. i'm on the whole hmm enough. eh, i'm fine with loneliness. i am in it . i'm not alone, nothing wrong.

yes, you do not arrive in it. well, the fact is, because there is no complete loneliness, you have communication, that is, in common with other people. just you this level of community with other people. devalue and say that if you don't have what you want, then this level is zero. and this is not so. you know what perfectionism is, of course, it is the pursuit of an ideal, perfection is only good for an ideal. a do you know what pathological perfectionism is? this is a requirement that the ideal be found, and right now and immediately. hello hello you like it, you understand, it means that you really like it. this is your place and your condition. yes, and your longing for friendship. it's already part of you. i am karina, it seems to me that i need to decide for myself. that's good for you, in principle, if you remove all your dreams of friendship now. everything else suits your life.

no, what else do you not like in life? yes , a lot of things, for example, unfinished repair work. the state of the move, which in some incomprehensible process is the absence of pets. ah, the lack of some kind of freedom a lot of things. well, probably freedom is, first of all, a synonym for money for me at the given moment, because i really have a lot of financial expenses now and for everything, of course, unfortunately, i don’t have enough. well, that is, you have something to do. yes , there is not enough money. so, but to finish all this, you need strength, and you spend these forces on negative experiences, which you don’t have as much as you want here cycle, it ends. only when you start taking what you have and doing something with it. instead of being angry at yourself or at other people that this is less than what you fantasized about yourself, think a lot about yourself and

your imaginary perfection, and perhaps that you are worthy of a completely impeccable relationship , an impeccable repair of an impeccable income. and from the fact that you, uh, your fantasies, your wishlist, they are incompatible with ordinary real life. you drive yourself into this dead end, i try to avoid the mistakes of the past as well as people once refused to communicate with me very much, however. what was it? i wanted at least some emotion to get live. why are you trying to hurt all the mistakes in the past. because i would like not to experience. pain. yes, it happens, yes it happens in life, but i constantly experience. so what are fairy tales? i'm talking about the fact that i'm not constantly living, it happens, grief, it's the colors

of life do not flinch, when i suddenly threw hmm no, they could not have such a person, this too. well, as if an example. to pain, you understand, you can’t live without emotions, including the painful attempt to avoid them further nephroticizes you. you see, it is precisely the very attempt to avoid pain that leads to pain, because there is no pain without pain. and then you have, as it were, two levels of pain, pain itself. and more than that, that there is pain, and then a third more that there is more from what is pain. well , life goes on, normal karina mama hugs you, right? well, that is, you have the life of a person with whom you can hug, breathe out, and be some kind of absolute silence, that is, this happens in life. yes, that is not you must always be so tense and ready to betray , you understand that there can still be no such people besides mom, and i don’t understand betrayal

and tense - this is not the same fact. yes, life is full of colors. including those that are unpleasant to us, but an attempt to pull these unpleasant pieces out of life. will lead to the fact that the picture will be full of holes. try to reduce the degree of this perfectionism and the level for yourself and for others. see not a degree in time of his plants. not now everything should be perfect, but i give myself to this time to go. and if i have not yet earned that level of intimacy with other people, then i will deserve it, if it is so valuable to me. and if i don’t want to deserve and change, then maybe it’s simply not valuable for you, if i didn’t want to change, i

didn’t even have to think about it. you think because it hurts , yes, but you also don’t want to live all the time , you want the circumstances that you faced more this is a consequence of the interpretation of these circumstances, the attitude towards them, the interpretation of these circumstances, including the most your main interpretation, which prevents you from living without a field, is that friendship is an extra value that should be in your life, and to the extent that you want it to be 100% complete, and this opinion is erroneous. let while your request a little know such. he is so deformed, uh, comes from some kind of trauma of your experiences, but he has requests. so you have a chance to grow this friendship, just slightly reduce or stretch, as mikhail says, the degree of your claim to impeccability and perfection. a smile can you smile somehow in a friendly way

natalya now look how anyone is there, can you still? no, this is the maximum. here's one more time. this is, of course, my taste in terms of. e facial expressions, but i would say that for the entire time of our communication. you were outward enough without being emotional and uh, had a fairly arrogant expression on your face. it's my opinion. many people actually have it, but it is not arrogant. and it seems so to you, if many people tell you so, then such a stereotype is present in this society. try to fit the stereotype. tsya, and not people to try to adjust for themselves in the end. you love, for sure, the puppy will be given a ride, of course, you saw the face. you can ask, colleagues of the machine something here with those inner feelings, that is, not to make a face, well, with inner feelings, with which you

would give milk to a kitten or me personally for the night. but when you are touched by a puppy, yours, for sure, will be released by all these of yours. there are expectations of betrayal, resentment and so on. well , the puppy will not be offended. how else can it offend you can invest a bunch and not once gobble up your favorite shoes, your favorite shoes and even bite. you can imagine, of course, it is necessary. forgive everyone else. i love dogs. what is your love for dogs? i should love cats more. well, you love cats. what does it mean no? what expresses your love is actions. these are things. i don't have a dog or a cat. i can't tell, but i can sometimes stand homeless food, for example, always when i eat some kind of food, not cooked. and yes, the ordered leftovers are all that i do not give me i will definitely take it to where the cat

is fed. here's life, but it appeared in a person, yes, completely different eyes in the voice. you have a completely different face with you want to be friends. now it's true. it's just that you yourself really really want to now in general , why you have no expectations, people are too high - these are the same kitties. here i am sometimes directly natal. i want to stroke it right here. yes, well, here they are, yes, they can cling to scratching a cat. maybe, well, it seems to her that i don’t know kitty, you understand, and you forgive her anyway. why are you this pain from her? expect yes, i do not expect. i just admire allowing you to stay in your arms and not lie on your heart. likewise , let the resentment, suddenly free involuntary, that you receive from your friends and buddies, let it not remain in your arms. do not put them on your heart, and it will be easier for you to breathe, you see, it seems that we have come to the right conclusion

that you want to be friends. think people are kitties, dear, friends, a visit to a psychologist. maybe sometimes it has to do with rethinking in your life. it may be painful enough, but pain is normal part of life and going through it. you get better, stronger, healthier, more mature. we invite you to our podcast. come , it will not necessarily hurt, but even if it hurts or is unpleasant, or you are against what they tell you, it will definitely give you. ah, the opportunity to look at your situation differently. so we are waiting for you to change it hello everyone. this is a free

program podcast. i am maxim tronkov and my guest is the incomparably kamila valieva hello everyone. hello mila thank you for coming real jewelry, wherever you appear. listen, this season, in general, there were quite a lot of new competitions, some new innovations. let's say, from the federation of figure skating of russia, what do you think about it? well, it's great, because again, we canceled, international starts remained. eh, the same, a la, this is the grand prix final and we have a very high competition in russia, especially in women's skating, so it was also very interesting to come up with a new demonstration number that no one had ever seen before competing with you with wonderful olympic champions with figure skaters who have already done a lot in their lives, so two

victories were very interesting. at the stages of the grand prix, two silver medals of the russian championship and the final of the grand prix of russia , personal gold in the jump tournament, the most discussed exhibition number in the history of figure skating. the captain at the cup of the first channel in the team with me found the audience award in the russian challenge triple axel in your olympic short in st. petersburg. are you satisfied with this season yes , very satisfied with how i started the season and as i finished it was much better and basically closing the season. i also jumped a triple axel in the short program, so this is probably the most interesting season for me. and what do you remember most about this season, give the most pleasant, probably the most positive emotions. the russian jumping championship, because

for the first time i ever jumped eight blunts there in training. i did two at the most, and then somehow at the expense of the audience, at the expense of some interesting competition, which was held for the first time, so eight stupid victorious gold, cannot but rejoice. i was happy that's all, because really. it was exciting. every time you entered this degree, the degree of tension increased and increased. it was so great. and if you return to the jumping tournament, you liked the team performance or the individual performance more. i was very nervous, because after all, you play for this georgievna for your group. eh, you jump and i would like, of course, not to mess up. this worked out for me. and when i entered the individual competition, oddly enough, i'm very ordinary i'm worried, but there i was absolutely calm

and absolutely sure that i would make these jumps, so i just enjoyed the moment you skate. but you know that i really love doing it. it's not a secret. but it seems to me that you get genuine pleasure when you skate, is that true, or are you such a great actress? no, i really love it when i understand, i just skate the program and i probably add some of my own emotions so that each person sees something different in my performance. this is my ideal and, of course, getting pleasure from programs from well-executed technical and artistic cannot but please me when i was skating, i myself and tatyana , of course, are paired. there were moments when we seemed to fall into a trance, that is,

there was no one around at all. and here we are, just the two of us. and these were the best , coolest skates. you have approximately the same feelings, or you always go with your head and you know what you will do next. eh, emotionally. i actually have it with the short program of last year, that is olympic program short on step sequence. i can't see anyone completely, knowing only, uh, history. i tell it , add some of my emotions to my movements. and it is precisely this short program that i don’t want to single out, because skating it is a great pleasure. and i will do this an infinite number of times. and i think that she will never get tired of me. here is the unloved program. favorite, which is the hardest for you it was given well, probably harder

this season's program was a short interstellar. i'm just in love with music beautiful music but, probably, it was inside me that some understanding did not grow together, and specifically for myself. i couldn’t guess it, because i could have done it, in general, you are the figure skater who broke the stereotypes a little this season, because it is recognized to think that the olympics have passed and all the girls have finished. yeah , and stayed left to fight, left to ride. and by that you inspire, by the way, other guys, for example, dima aliev said about you, it motivates me how she keeps the status of a cool athlete. it doesn’t just impose competition there, but it really doesn’t relieves, despite all that is pouring on her, despite all the difficulties that she goes through. also inspire dima

aliyev, who is much older than you. i don’t know why, but after the olympics, the first six months. i thought it would be incredibly difficult to continue. that is not to think about everything. what they write, what they write. then they said that a and b, in principle, you grow and the body changes, you go out, there for training after rest. and you understand that you can't assemble a triple jump just a triple loop, and it is not there, but over time, when you slowly begin to recover. you go out, uh, to the competition with the audience. do you understand what tremendous support you have not only inside, but some small number of people inside the coaching staff inside parents inside friends, but also outside what? they

really believe in you, they want you to skate and inspiration comes immediately and desire comes. i just set new goals and go towards them calmly, slowly and trying to make the path a long distance, not a short one. since you yourself started talking about this, then georgievna expressed this in your personal growth. last season, she showed herself stronger than she was in the olympic year, even after one of the skates she said. oh, if i had these qualities then i had no qualities, their speech, firstly, it is very pleasant that eteri georgievna singled out this. this means that this is all, really, probably. less start straight. to worry exactly, if suddenly something didn’t work out, i began to take a more serious approach to preparation, that is, i started more

feel and hear your body. because before i could come before going out on the ice to a six-minute warm-up in an hour and a half, and it turns out you just train to the point where you go out on the ice and you are already burned out. all your muscles are tired, because , well, no. especially for such a small child. sorry, well, not a child, but a teenager who is in a stressful situation. so much energy reserve to withstand 2 hours of training there. e constantly and now i feel if i'm ready to warm up, then it’s not more there , roughly speaking, from 40-30 minutes, but i feel my body more and somehow just matured. this is the most important thing in everyday life. you've grown up too. you became independent,

well, almost for now. helps. uh, basically, mom, for example, if i'm there, uh, i don't know, but, in principle, although it's time for camillas to sleep, but no. no, it doesn't help. well, come on in this regard, i have her more yes collected tights. no, not that much. come on, no, my mother helps me in the sense that if i need to get together somewhere, and i just physically don’t i have time. she collects my clothes there, and some other cosmetics, but i can cook them myself, but going to competitions, in principle, is not for me. well, if i suddenly go, without my mother, this is not a tragedy. that is, to some extent i even like to ride alone. you are somehow in yours. your own world on your own wave , do you think mom is a little bit sad about this

or i think so, but we talk about it all the time. hmm. and i joke like that all the time. you understand that a year later i already ate, she is so yes, yes, she says that, well i will come to visit you, i say, okay? well i don't know, i hope i don't think 18 years old. i'll just say so. all goodbye. no, i will continue. and i hope that ah, it will be an adult life, but with good communication with my mother. you always emphasize that your mother helps you a lot and has always helped in sports. what do you think, would you be able to go through this path without such participation? no, not at all, she signed me up for dances and made sure that i did some exercises that help me in the hall. that is, now i already have such

a formed habit, which i understand that in order to achieve some kind of plasticity there. i need to go to the dance to pump out my muscles, and we did a lot of outside, that is, in it the ice is precisely the development. she helped me a lot, even i did choreography twice a day and went to the angas. the moscow state academy of choreography for preparatory advances was then called and therefore i want to say a big thank you to my mother for this huge simple work and spending a huge amount on me time. and it all paid off. and this is very, probably, i hope it made her happy, but at the most difficult moment.

in your sports career, you found yourself without a mother, and how it was, you didn’t care about this support, or maybe you really missed it at that moment, in fact, you really didn’t want to disturb her, that is, i really filtered that i was there and wrote the name there. i talked. i needed not at all but very carefully, because hmm she is going through very much and at that moment only the experience changed, so i i was very careful with her. for the most part. let's just say everything that i generally think of the whole situation. that was mark kondratyuk but the biggest one is support. i tried to still get it from my mother, but at the same time, carefully address her in such a situation where you had to take care of yourself. you still found the strength to take care of your person, but this is a very good quality. and

everyone thinks that you are naturally so talented and stretched, but in fact it is also a very big job. yes, 20% is talent. here and 80 is work. uh, that's a huge amount of stretching training, and dancing. here, right, probably, the most important thing is dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing just for me. that is, they helped me somehow feel my body to develop it correctly, of course. yes. i go to classes sometimes. i just like it. it's not like it's an obligation anymore. yes, it's just a hobbit where you dance all the emotions and make some kind of dance out of it. that's all. equally, you convey some feelings through him, so dancing. it's just love acts against pain, wherever it is

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i will not forget for those who have just joined us. i remind you that our guest is the beautiful kamila valeeva, one of the most popular athletes in russia, you have training. to be in your spare time, well now, on the contrary, the good thing is that there are not only trainings, that i communicate with people with very interesting people, that they call me on the set, that somehow my horizons are expanding. that is, i don’t have such that this is how it sometimes happens in the season. e that you only have training and at some point it is such a monotonous work that the brain boils. here you go out like this, well, i don't want a short criminal again. well, how much can you?