and then it's fine again for a week. yes, and so it went on. uh, 4-5 months. i did not allow the thought that it was possible, well, if there is no bad and happiness, just go get a divorce and find other people. that is, it was something incomprehensible to me. that is, i listened to the stories of others and thought about how they even do it. but this is the husband. this is the stomach, the arm is the leg. how can you unfasten and move on. so when we parted for him, lord, please do this, so that just now, so that i don’t know what it is, so that just the whole world rolled over after 4 months. he came and said pelageya would be a sister. that is, god sent me what i asked him, of course, to voluntarily tell it at that moment , at that moment, my world literally collapsed. that is, i had a feeling that they just cut off a part of the heart, a part of how it was, dear, pour me,

please, there it is for tea. you know, oh by the way, bad for the sake of being a sister no, but yes. we did have. well, sort of a strained relationship. he just came there to see pelagia. i don’t know, there to kiss her before going to bed, for example, after work and went to the country. and back where and hmm here, he just came one evening and said, we need to talk and just said it. well, he was kind of shocked himself. you didn't know he had another woman. need a regular kids do with those. who you have known for a long time. no, it was an accident that no one was planning this child , that is, but how would he be such a person an accident when he left, what are you then like i have no idea what will happen next, that is, will we be together with this woman , because it's all just it fell like snow on our heads, but the child will be like, well , of course, i was in complete shock. i

cried for 2 months 2 months. i was in such a tragedy that, but then i realized that you , as a psychologist, would probably give me an answer here. and it was in fact. at this point, it was selfishness. that is, like, not because i need him not because i would like to give birth to this child, but simply that how it is, how it is someone else of mine, then there is something very mine, that is, it was in it. that's why yes for men for men, you can excuse me, but still psychologists are here. yes, we make recommendations. some to myself in the plural yes, here are recommendations for men not to drown in women. come on, don’t give up everything for the sake of women, even if a woman really wants and demands it. still, leaving something of their own, including

women, also leaves everything to themselves, too, so that the wife here they cannot arise, yes, they can hear focus, but do not drown, do not chop off everything my own, because, firstly, 100% is not valued , it begins to be perceived as the norm, of course, which means that another person has dissolved in me. this is at first very nice on the personality. no. that is, when a man begins somehow to return to his selfhood, it turns out that you don’t need one like that, what is it? ugh? phew, i just belong. it is very important for me that a man be a personality. that is, i would never in my life want him to be nothing but me. well, this is the story told. i am you know i want to finish this thought. it is very important that i am here at this moment. that is, or rather, when 3 years have passed, i absolutely sincerely came to

the idea that through this shock, through this shock, well, first of all, uh, god the universe can call heaven whatever she gave me. that's what i wanted to return the bottom of everything turned upside down, yes, and without this. that is, he did not give me the opportunity for us to stretch it out for another year, because at that time we were already 3-5 years old. we were saving our relationship, and it was, but absolutely regression, how did you try to save yourself and the relationship told him that he should e be. eh, i'll dissolve you again. well, i don't even know. why are you talking this nonsense. here is tenderness, i was interested in his affairs, what would be in life in my affairs? i was not allowed to do this, of course, absolutely of course, when i had to come home from work. he didn't tell, yes, listen to such a deal. well, how to tell , because there is a goddess, and here you are with your business

, well, it’s impossible in things he told, but, in principle, he didn’t like it when i on the contrary, what is there, but tell me how it all and he liked it, what closed or somehow found, what is not, but global things. i knew, but there, like. tell me how the meeting with this one, like that one, but he liked to have some kind of space of his own, and i didn’t have anything in common, except for pelagia. what are the last 3-5 years about? no, that’s the point, because when asked how i’m doing, he’s not interested in hearing that he doesn’t like it all, of course, that is , this rejection has accumulated, that i even tell myself, i didn’t want to understand , yes, and that is, but we are interested in his life, how is it possible? well, naturally, i was interested in him. eh, as if by life as much as we have his whole life. in fact, it happened, well, as if in our house, that is, friends

all came to visit us because he never liked to go anywhere, so his friends are our mutual friends, they all came to visit us, and we don’t know there at the big tables by the fireplace, if it's summer, then there are tables on the grass. there are endless conversations. we didn't have anything in common. isn't it common, here friends were common. well, you know, there was an interesting moment, by the way. tell me, as a psychologist, when friends come, everything is fine. i mean, we're wondering, we're talking to friends to pretend and, uh, pretend to be a happy family. you , you really felt good, that is, it was much easier for us with friends than alone, as soon as the guests left there was such silence, and that’s all and we have nothing to talk about. you understand the topics, i don’t know about football, about the weather, about the police somehow, only that we were with her that year and you did not pick up this conversation and he has nothing. this is the first time i'm talking about this. i think for the first time i thought, but it was just

like that, was it possible? what do you think? mikhail and by the way, what do you think natalya could this marriage still be saved? i'll keep it in mind though, this one. uh, a very important moment when topics for conversations end, not because these topics do not exist. yes, when we communicate with dear, close, pleasant people. we don't make that up over dinner tonight. i tell you everything yes, yes about that, this is the proximity of the openness of they have news of course. yes, they have it gone right? this is good. let me tell you how my wife communicates with her mother. so she keeps a plan for several days, what to tell mom about, my god, and then sits down on the phone and tells, because my wife wants to talk with mom to find common topics. and he knows that, perhaps, mother herself, well, she will not do this. yes. this is how a person who wants to find common communication and a psychologist

goes, both the word and the daughter of matter, and all sorts of things between a man, it seems, there are other cases, you need looking for guys is very for me, and the call was so shaking, yes, when this moment comes, when it starts to annoy you. well, that didn’t bother me at all before. well, it’s annoying everyday things that you haven’t paid attention to for years, but here in the classics it simply says that there is no love, that’s all about the fact that the crisis has come to you, you know, but for 5 years we were fanatic to overcome infantile believe that there should be no crises. why shouldn't. i'm telling you this, you can't hear me. we tried for 5 years to overcome chris five is five is huge. let's try. let's try. i suggest you now hypothetically imagine that there is also a magic barrel that puts time back and there are these five

years for your question. it was possible to save a marriage, and how it could be saved could i think to become, but not when you felt that the crisis there is a responsibility on a man once again, this is his dissolution in life at the waist. yes, it led to the fact that they lived for some time, here in the clouds of wakme, and then the usual real life seemed to them painful gray. you don’t need to drive relationships there, you know what happens to most people after that, when they fall there, where they develop. and what is it called? here is this syndrome, when from there to there? and what do you call a disorder there, we did not differ for 7 years, and uh, they just breathed each other. here of course it was necessary to breathe without each other. so it was necessary to part ways somehow to think like that and decide

that or maybe something completely somehow our life goes on, that is, they should have been in some moment to understand, yes, what natalya did, so what moment did she have to understand that they were detectives in each other's world. yes , of course they overheat and it was necessary, especially since i did not in vain quote attention to the fact that you have a business. general has become. yes, i didn’t let go, even in the store just one, so that there was an understanding. that is, we do it . listen, this is a direct victim. my husband did not let me go, then 7 years. you got fed up with each other, didn't you? yes, it was overkill. i believe that initially, if in these 7 years we were so that the husband is his own business. it wasn't right at all it wasn't right that he uh got into show business. it was wrong to devalue yourself and be such a servant of you, but at the same time he knew about the triangle. yes, there is a tyrant, a victim and a judge. so at first he was like yours, i don’t

know, he served as a savior or served as a victim, but then he became such a tyrant when e no, i won’t let you into the store. here i am at all yes , i was not anywhere. look , it was wrong on your part to get high. how a drug addict to sit on this needle of this constant service, and on his part, of course, it was wrong to dissolve in you further on your part. the mistake was that you obeyed when he said you wouldn't go to the store without me, i should have said. bam, honey, i'm a free man. i'm going to the store without you. and unmistakably, this means that when we parted, they each shared that it was a shock for them. and for me it's the norm. it was as if i did not understand that it was possible in a different way, because if i am still somewhere

turned out to be alone, we were on the phone all the time so that he would not worry that here i live alive and well, that is, roughly speaking, i didn’t have personal space, in general it was, well, as if absent in life, we only had a common space . it was wrong. that was it. so you are at some point, right? you understand from this. well, although you know, when i got pregnant, i remember this pregnancy , and it was the happiest period of my life, and we became even happier, when i was pregnant, really, and so we went and talk embraced talk efforts talk endlessly now. how do you know how and what do you think, it is possible to live with a woman and not feel when she is happy or unhappy and men are happy. they certainly can you have no evidence. that he was happier he behaved like a happier person. yes? did he want to, maybe we were shown very much during pregnancy during the skew was creepy, when she got pregnant, he started his own business, he

left and started show business, so just, when i gave birth to everything, harmoniously. i just thought back then that it's great that this is some kind of even, happy family life. and that is, after this beautiful plateau, it began, as i understand it , gradually. yes, yes gradually. and he means you why, because you began to resist, what did you do, what did your husband do wrong, that everything was fine, look, firstly, this is still a very important point. you know what he said, he tells me, they devalued it plato plato this is the price of equal happiness, in which there was no outbreaks. here are these prominences that burn everything out. you understand, this is it. oh, shortness of breath from happiness and from experiences. just how boring how bad it shouldn't be, but let's just say

how boring, probably in 10 years. i came to this. after the birth of my daughter, that is, in this five-year crisis. at this time, i lived with the idea. what do i care, i want to live in a different life, that i have completely different needs. i want to travel the world. i need communication. i need emotional experiences because i write songs. that is i can’t limit myself to everyday life, and at home alone i have nothing to write about, that is, i have no feelings, no emotions at all. i felt like i was dying. you see, that's why friends, in fact, finally, friends, if you are not a servant like this muses, yes, and if it's not difficult for you. okay, yes, then choose for yourself, also not a creative person. choose normal people not creative. yes, it's very difficult. it is very difficult. i don't understand at all. i know, when we broke up, in general, when people break up, they, as a rule, are here to see astrologers as a psychologist, that's all.

yes? of course i went too. and they told me that for all the horoscopes there, for all the cards in general. we are the most unsuitable people for each other in general, that is, here, who have nothing in common at all, how we lived for 20 years. it's because that's our crazy love. see, oh complex. i have a feeling about this story, because on the one hand. and now i see natalya who, well , in any case, very convincingly tells us that she is lucky that she got out of this divorce? well, of course, pretty wounded shabby, but in the end happy. yes, there is with a sense of some kind of correctness and it was definitely a gift. uh, you have fate and heaven on the other side, or that situation is in vain. it's true, i don't believe that much. you know what his. i don't believe. here this e in this doom and predestination. it seems to me that after all, at some point we make mistakes that can be avoided.

we do not have enough wisdom to prevent them or not enough. we, perhaps, but some kind of humility, the lack of pride, in order to correct these mistakes, and then, of course, when the firewood on a broken line and when, in general, there is nothing to collect from sawdust. you start to look inside yourself. well why would that be right? i think you know your most important moment, which is that we were just approaching the threshold, 40 somewhere to 35-40 years. that is, when you clearly understand. and how do you live your life, is it the way you dreamed? or in another way, and you already understand that this is not a mid- life crisis. yes, yes, classic, when we start thinking on the one hand about death, on the other hand, about our youth. here is a land on

cemetery bribed a motorcycle bought here, yes, well, i'm talking about men, if you are under 30, you understand that you are still just looking for and you are still yes, everything is ahead, and at 40 you already understand that, in principle, well, as it were plus or minus, but you've already come. you should already understand. this is how you live. you like it. that is, i now live 10 times more life, which suits me just for me. well, you certainly admit for yourself new relationships , including them now there are now, of course. now they are just a hundred times more harmonious, than what it is like what you had in the early years with your first not at all. and what is it that makes it different? you know you , so he endlessly and madly, as he loves the first day. ah, but how do you know how a woman feels, this is proof, of course, by the way, i want it, of course, a woman feels a woman , all if you don't know, if you don't know, this is proof so, that's what we women i deify, and then we think what kind of

disappointment it was at all at first sight. but that is, it is so gradual, but for the first time in my life, i felt and felt what hmm is, so i came to this conclusion. now with you michael speak look with my first husband. we looked at each other, then, when we looked at each other, well, as if we were no longer interested consciously. we just turned around. so, in my current relationship, we look in the same direction, you know? at each other, but into one, that is, e, this is a relationship in which you are endlessly interested in talking, in which you are interested in watching the same films , e, sharing books that you have read and ask for an opinion about them, where do you like to walk around the city and the person likes to walk around the city on foot, for example, well, that is, change in relationships over time. 4

1/2 years, if a crisis comes, will you keep this relationship or will you also say, give me a sign like me natasha, we have crises. even now, yes. tell me, probably, in two or three years, how would they start like this for the first time. ah, when we have crises, we, well, personally, the two of us are comfortable just taking a break. that is, for example, we do not know there 3-5 days a week. we just don’t communicate in order to put our heads in order, so that, well, somehow look at the situation in a different way and already then it’s possible, and we can talk and already look at everything differently, well, somehow here we are like this, if would you with this wisdom of time have returned there the colleague the first crises. if the story could have developed differently in your relationship, it could not, because i am speaking from the very beginning of the position. this is how we had it all.

another from natalia comes such constant happiness, i did everything right for me and i live happy. i'm done. i made this. right. i meant that it was right that we broke up. yes and this is it, as if you , uh, carry such a motto, as if you are learning not to be afraid of divorce. yes, all the time i get the feeling that it is as if she is trying to persuade herself. yes, do not be afraid of divorce. yes yes yes. my life has become happier. yes yes yes, well, that is, why well, i myself am an example of this. why i say it, because every six months i drive up to that house, where you were together, where you were happy, you just start not worth it. deny understand? natalia, they are, right? page 100%, 100%. it doesn't matter, it's yes and uh to beat your heel in the chest, that divorce is the best thing that happened? it's strange to say that divorce is a wild tragedy, it's also strange, but normal human life goes on. oh, friends.

what kind of conversation we have today, we continue to write the best most interesting book of ordinary lives of ordinary destinies, in which there is no absolute happiness, there is no absolute grief, there is no black and white. it's just that we live, we live quickly, short, but so interesting and deep and with pleasure friends, we share with you. these are the destinies. thanks to our heroes for this and today we thank natalia thank you very much. thank you, natalia , it was i am a journalist natalya loseva and thought, a leading clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences mikhail khors

hello dear friends on channel one, the podcast of the melodies of my life today we have a guest artist of russia a great musician and my great friend narrator igor butman igor well, actually, melodies are what makes our life magical and through them, when you need to remember something. we remember everything down to the smallest detail, so i will only give modest, leading questions, because i everyone knows that the beauty of a conversation with a friend is to talk about yourself today only about you, my dear. so the melody of childhood. well, that's all that is connected, it is clear that she is alone, but uh, just to u thanks to this melody, lean and remember at all, like from the moment when you do you remember yourself?

you know, i was probably only, well, about two years, when i constantly listened to the same song, i found this record, i put it on the old ruler, belarus there was both a receiver and a record player and there was a song of this from marina marina marina they even hid this record from me, my grandmother hid it, but i still found it. i am some kind of italian , he also has such a surname, and the author remembered the fate of the grenade. but you know, there could be someone from the south of slavs, do you remember there is. i, too, that this is his, i recently took this this listen to the disc again. well , it seemed to me that you were sawing female voices, and perhaps, but, and everything that is on the internet, everything will appear. others were drinking too. oh, and remember, almost louis prima sang. directly my favorite, that is, this song is quite like that. well, old, but

we had it on a record from this. well, do you remember these were these bonaseras. well, this, by the way, was also there, but it was also such a plastic one, in my opinion, it was a plastic record or a very small minion like that. so i heard this song on it and i was torn from me from this melody torn off. yes? well, i would myself.

long before, when philip kirkorov sings this song with pleasure, long before them, igor mikhailovich, probably from kirkorov, i sang it, i didn’t, of course, no , well, firstly, your mother is mariula, yes, that is, in fact, a chicken, grandmother, beloved, grandmother, marina borisovna, with whom we lived for a long time and she is wonderful. in general, this is us, the most important in our family according to the pedigree, therefore, of course. and marina marina, i also called marina grandmother. no, i had another song who sang dad is our neighbor. it was also a song youth borispochemkin wrote this song. and then, too, that's all, it's us, they sang there, and our neighbor. it appeared wonderful in our house. yeah well, how do they have fun? i'm not looking at hmm this sad note, because your dad and i even played together. uh, you have a brilliant drum in oncology at jazz, dad, uh,

mikhail solomonovich is excellent. well, that's nice, which is great. he played and it's nice that we can remember while the parents are alive between us and eternity someone is worth. this, of course, is grandiose, tell me, but from childhood nothing foreshadowed jazz is hidden, then. yes, that is an ordinary melody wide absolutely i liked it. i liked everything about music, but especially pop music, which was popular then. and in general. i grew up. and so like a drummer. i also took chopsticks from the house doing twos. there is a paradid game. uh, we had a piano, but i didn’t go to music school, and a girl came to do it on me there, such private lessons were being prepared. we we can music schools. for some reason, she worked out for 3 months. or maybe six months, and then they left the city center and moved from the fontanka. norva, which is called the jolly village , does not exist. and now, about 3 years have gone by. just

for sports, for hockey, i don’t know for anything . in general, yes at the same time. yes, a little later even music school a little later. what serious at the beginning captured. you are , in fact, uh, titled from not even for today's exploits of yours, the night hockey league is not only a for friendship with everyone the main hockey players of our time, but also because you said leningrad on a professional level. yes, and then i went. that 's just at the clarinet music school, when i already took kornits, i began to play some of the same pieces of hmm academic music and mozart and the selections and there of the roman braids flight of the bumblebee. but young igor butman and rock and roll. here's what i'm interested in. this is what a joint it appeared. i met another guy at a music school. to study uh from our teacher and stole

sand sanchoku and he was a fan of rock music, he had records, she had a comet tape recorder, even the fourth form. yes, and we became friends for coming to him. ah, well, we picked up the guitar at school. that started with the guitar, but first it was the repertoire. local-instrumental console, damn, the songs showed me the chords there. i started studying there. i know for sure, and with this poison he brought me to his house and put on the recording horn, and i was stunned. and who was it? it was a maiden album, jan is a live album and that's it. i was amazed, but the fact is that i think i was captured not only by drinking myself, as they perform what jazz notes. there were already there, that is, with a huge, so to speak, pressure, a huge loudness drive, and , in general, not uncomplicated melodies, but

jon lord and ritchie blackmore and the biantheis drummer on me played with such a return. , like a young drummer, yes, a stunning impression that he talks like that in the hut . yes, yes, yes, and this is yanteis - it is, in general, a derivative of jazz. the drummer is very close in terms of sound and manner. e. well ritchie blackmore his virtuosity with the guitar also attracts attention. well, jazz swing solos. there's lazy, let's say, yes, there or the legion plays there jon lord quotes him from me there. uh, speaking those purple associations. i heard at the beginning how i visited my grandmother at the dance in the city of perm and at the dance. this is e. in my opinion, the seventy-first year or not, a little later 74 seventy-fourth, because uh, it was

. yes, retreat dad, these are peppa pig of course mailing list and what song do you have? de purple well , of course, he could. plant. well, this is the greatest temporary peoples riff in music stores in the world. usually in the guitar department it says smoke plant and stairway to heaven. well done damn it, don't play, because you have to take care of the sellers. as it is, well, it is clear that everyone knows this. here it is yes, yes, sometimes we even insert our oleg neatly wonderful you know, i really liked it, in my opinion, it was called mister kaganat, when now it is already

a familiar genre in the lounge style. there such salon to take some rock hit and unrecognizable. she was done. here is the introduction in bosonov. there's an orchestra playing it all. we're just different. when we play a dedication to benny goodman, then i stay alone and some tunes. uh, what come to mind when inserting once i came. here is the melody he could plant, and then we switched to the hand. hmm, our evgeny, by god, played rog eduard, even here he played so, so to speak, uplifted, and oleg could sing neatly, he forgot, and we just from jazz, no matter how we switched, then returned back, because the concept had to be closed .

oh, yes, a hero hero in one of the seasons of the voice program where oleg, of course, just revealed himself as a brilliant jazz musician , he was well known in circles even before participating in the voice, but now virtually the whole country knows him as a brilliant guy. i want to say that oleg is the uniqueness he is on any language of the world in any sings absolutely without any accent, which is absolutely surprising, and he is able to remember, uh, a person blind from birth has developed his skills so much. uh, the memory that he actually u tell him the song. let's say i told him flamy, then get married in russian. he told me valery a trifle, just don’t say it, and she said it must be done and shines now, uh, with igor in the orchestra. just in full growth it's nice to remember the brilliant musicians thanks to the visit of a friend, and the first jazz igor is here

this acquaintance with jazz and i want to say uniquely that one of the main arrangers now in the moscow jazz orchestra is nikolai la vinovsky, the same legendary uncle kolya who, uh, was led by oleg gra and we boys understood that it was absolutely, not reached in height during tool ownership. here's how your transition from hockey to jazz came about. the thing is that in the rimsky-korsakov music school in those years in the seventy- fifth seventy-seventy-sixth year of leningrad, uh, a decision was made in the central committee party to open a jazz variety department in music schools and conservatories on time. well, because there was not yet rock that captured the minds and jazz seemed the lesser of two evils, because cultural music is improvisation, people still think they are interested in developing many directions.

the horn was still more foreign music than jazz, because it was more popular rock and roll music captured the minds of the whole world, so it was decided to make jazz jazz music professional professional ensembles. like nicholas levikov arsenal alexei kozlova, orchestra. well, arrows got jazz status, well, a school was opened and i appeared. he studied at the music school on the clarinet. and about a man named gennady golstein wonderful saxophonists in the soviet union, which in leningrad are legends in moscow are legends. and although we at that time no longer began to play the saxophone and engage in early music from the 17th-18th century. i saw him all the time. uh, i saw saxophonists at the school. uncle from ddt then. it was mikhail chernov, oleg is forged in all head leningrad population. it was all people

already. they were older than i was 14, and they were already under 30. but then they were generally old people and, accordingly, when i saw them, and sometimes they didn’t give concerts, it was a complete east in the first place, they had a great department of instruments . not that we are theirs. although i studied the guitar. it was all so to speak, not so, but on the clarinet i already played the classical president, quite complex, and somewhere i took the saxophone in one of the palaces of culture, he took it. and he sounded me. i i realized that i, my father, said, we play on the internet, then you switch to sex. and so i switched to safon well, if, accordingly, as soon as safon appeared, jazz jazz melodies immediately appeared. well, one of the first is fallen leaves, right? and it was the first spontaneous. well, what are you in your time yes no, great melody, nightmare yes, uh girl osman and it was revelation and the americans played and we played.