haha, are they teaching you how to cook trends now on social media or not? yes, on their songs no, they have not yet been taught. we can do it right now here and now i have prepared a super mega trend and we can win. uh, again the hearts of millions and millions of views and lucky are ready. let's go whether you're ready we'll drink no, we'll dance, gotta get up, we'll dance. so everything, ingenious again, just twisting the pigtails proskovye girl from the moscow region with sadness and yearning again alone and again praskovya girl from under the nose of muscovy what is he doing behind the curtain? she is crying at our window and

na-na-na-na-na vladimirovna that you just stood the whole track, but na na na na three times na-na-na na-na and she i will turn with you the last three times. i 've bitten off from the moscow region and i'm longing again, one catchy girl from the moscow region is still crying like a curtain . vladimir plays along with you. everything along the way is clear that everything is fine with you, of course, but here you have songs with such a very dramatic

grain about love, about love, i want us to play it. you came just in time. how many i heard that he is not worth my tears and what is behind her they say he is not mine forever not around they inspire me verbatim not mine i do not answer anything. forever. you only know us. let

the world around collapse . these are the surprises. my friends are happening here. you know, it's, uh, summer. our meeting was exactly as planned. i realized this when i saw the rhinestones on lucy's jacket, because well, that's all, it looks like some kind of reincarnation of some very interesting bands. i propose right now in real time that you and i can cook a new hit with this interesting team. here is such an interesting motive that i had today. in the morning, a ukulele was played, which

was taken from my son. she uh, and he said you don't have to don't he didn't say he he was in the pool. here is such a i sketched a few words. perhaps now, thanks to these bright mothers, we will change them, but nevertheless , the song you are suggesting was about summer. yes, that's why we immediately tell people summer. but then you need the first word in the summer, you can then i’ll keep all my secrets, but i’ll put it aside. goodbye. in summer. come on, your line, you were pretty dressed in candy pockets. and i was so afraid of children. oh, i'm so approached, and then you can buy this, yes, to the jared leto concert at jareth's concert

. can we kiss somewhere? maybe there kiss somewhere me and you me and you are all class. but

so come up. with us were the incomparable groups umaturman a lucy chebotina, my beautiful, hosts karina cross with vali carnival gypsy band anton lavrentiev and it was an informal podcast. and now we're all standing up and making this scene. lucy's friends.

and it seems like everyone wanted a happy ending so hoping for something more. and i don't need anyone but you. if the whole world is against us, i will not stop loving you. and even if suddenly we are chased, you will shoot and feed cartridges. everyone constantly says happiness loves silence. and i want

her to fucking cry volitionally, all the time alien to the paycheck. i say happiness loves silence. and i want her looking away crying. now everyone is waiting. my want to

hello this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am a journalist natalya loseva and a candidate of psychological sciences, clinical psychologist mikhail khors, we continue to analyze the most interesting and most complex stories of our heroes. hello dear friends, today's our hero. vadim came to moscow after a divorce. in my hometown. he left behind his ex-wife. his children are looking for their new love, but he is not very successful, because whoever he finds in this new big city. they all resemble his wife , or he compares these women to his ex- wife, who just can't let go. what to do with it is good or bad. and what's on in fact, it means that we will deal with such flashbacks today. hello well, does that mean they left their wife?

was it her? it was a mutual decision, but she was still the initiator of the divorce. why is the fact that we were married for 8 years in 2014, we got married and divorced in the past at the beginning everything was for love, great we have two children six a girl and a 3 year old son. we thought that the birth of children would only unite the creaks of the family and some new round would give the relationship in fact already. we began to understand that we are completely different people. or rather, initially, we saw it and we realized it, but as they say, opposites attract us it was good, but at some point, uh, i’m a more active person, i can’t sit still, as they say, she’s just so calm economic. this seems to be a plus, but for me too much. perhaps passive in some way. uh, for example, children and happiness, great, but sometimes you need to allocate time for each other too. we had the opportunity

to leave them with grandparents and i wanted to somehow interestingly actively spend time for a few days to go somewhere in nature, hiking , skiing, but snowboarding is acceptable. at that time, she preferred a quiet rest, lying on the couch, i can’t series. yes you are right! you are absolutely faithful and as a result i left. we spent time separated did not return home, because again i wanted something interesting new, which means did not return home, like, honey, i'll be at nine, and then uh, i'm sorry i'm not at home tonight. no, that wasn't quite right anymore. and i'm not saying that i'll come. i tell it like it is, that i'm leaving, but her, naturally. this was very unsatisfactory. and the children stayed with her, and dad was on tour, roughly speaking, it was like that, therefore, why was she the initiator? the country, because at some point it stopped arranging these sorties of mine. i don't brag about it, really. so there were sorties. well,

are they every every day? yes, no, no, it was periodically a weekend, for example, i wanted some extreme ones. well, how many days off per month were the weekend through the weekend. may it be often enough. well, that is, twice a month. you were leaving with an overnight stay extreme. but it was already closer to the end of our relationship. when yes, yes, before that it was much less common. i somehow still held on. yes, probably, but at some point i realized that, well, no, i can’t. i am so, if i would be glad if she was with me, uh, in these pastimes. well, i was not interested. you don’t sometimes watch with her, but for her it was commonplace and absolutely. i was interested in diversifying. that is, it could alternate. with me, her attraction is my hobby, but mine she did not lose her head in this whole story, when dad is there, mom is on tv shows, and children with grandparents or like or, as

a result, they remained a spouse, because again, grandparents, they even offer. let's sit with them. you are going to spend the weekend together. well , she says i don't want anything, so she watched tv series. well, the children were at home, they didn’t take them with them to some kind of extreme sports. and how many are 6 years old? well, maybe he dragged me dad at the age of 4 , of course, i understood you, but no, not yet. apparently i don’t know yet, it seems to me that it’s too early for her, but although your example went out to ride with him there is such a small extreme, you still had, yes, slides and my three-year-old son rode. yes, she can be on bicycles. there, in a dream, they rode a bicycle on scooters. she's just learning to ride scooters with me. yes, we had walks , the children were your partners. eh, these sorties. of course, but again, i can give you one more example. what are you up to? let me down too. i often walked with the children and with us not go, wife. well, it's also a completely family pastime. we just

went to the park. we had a picnic and took a blanket on scooters. she says, well, you know, uh, i don't like all these walks. i came to the conclusion that she is too homely, maybe it won’t sound somehow, but she ’s like that in someone else, or listen like that on her own, well, her mother is exactly the same. yes, my ex-mother-in-law, they say directly, look at your mother-in-law. if you want to see, i communicate very well with my ex-mother-in-law, hello. you say a how are you, like a man, like a father, like in the enin family i mean there? well, the family was provided for, yes, yes, i am an entrepreneur. i work in building materials. there is income. yes , your wife started working for you just a year ago. until then, she's exceptional. that is, while you lived together, your wife did not work. started working at the end of the family. well, that is, you and your family provided. you are such an energetic child, so, uh, you entertain your spouse, so it turns out that it

was an anchor for you. what did you like? so you say, we immediately saw what we are different, but at the same time, and we enjoyed it , what does this mean? that's when the beginning of your relationship. well, first of all, it was some kind of crazy love on my part. at least, i will say that i got married at the age of 26 and before this age. i didn't love that much. what is this? it's hard to describe, but of course i met her. come on, that's exactly the passion we had uh was the nightlife. if possible, so to speak the first time. she accepted me. this is also an important point, and she is with me as it turned out. no. although, apparently, because also we were very fond of going somewhere and visiting . she, so that you understand, even the guests are not particularly welcome at home. it's a happy table. yes, let us. though visiting, but not us, but i 'll repeat, but i want to get out. i can't sit at home, although you can't sit at home in a comfortable apartment in yekaterinburg. it’s just that you can’t sit at home,

you probably spent most of your time, of course. i can’t sit at home and people immediately get the feeling that you dumped such a jumper there from the family simply because he the house is not at home you were sitting, you can, well, just not all the time weekdays work the house is definitely 100% children in the evenings walks on weekends. yes , something is starting to rattle in me, let's move on to the moment with which they came to us. as a result, you divorced, and you left for moscow that's right, and now you have girls, and you look for your ex-wife in each of them, as it turned out, how it happens. we got divorced and decided, uh, no more relationship. i, too, am satisfied with everything. i actually had a really hard time coming off. but this is a different story. moved here for a month and a half. it can be said that the group ran away from the ex-wife , they want children there and it is very difficult for me to be here without them, but i understood that i could not

be near her. why didn’t the feelings cool down before the fact that what i’m telling you could no longer be together. our conflicts were very serious. but it has not cooled down, and it sits somewhere in the subconscious. i know, as if another replacement. i want to fall in love. i want to be loved sincerely, but every time i meet girls, when i communicate, i begin to subconscious comparison. beautiful young girl. we communicate well. i recognize her. i don't like to cook wah head i don't want this i don't want. that is, i think more of a wife at this moment, i just understand that i need a girl who knows how to cook. simply because for 8 years. i'm used to just this and you actually turned out to be important and i thought. it is important. now it seems to you that it is very important that there is a wife who or your girlfriend who can feed boringly, and be sure. why is it necessary explain delivery from a restaurant. listen to the answer to the question. why words, because i'm

so used to. this is a small answer, well, no matter how critical thinking is implied. are you used to it? why is there something new in your spouse for you? yes? e in your new girl woman. why is that bad? because i have qualities in the head of my ex- wife, which must be in the current one, that is, you must be greeted at home with delicious food. so it was in the family, probably your mother. yours is probably also very i cooked deliciously and yes, i lived with my parents, there for a long time until the age of 24 i was such a small son. he know every time girls come to us with a problem i can't find a man. every time we write to us in social networks, natalie writes like, give the girl's phone number. as i am sure, now after this transfer she ordered. do not take away, bread, goose. what are you, what are you filling up there, i know how to prepare a phone of water on the site, well, why not? well

actually uh girl who can cook? million what's the problem? well choose the one who knows how to cook, what else do you want, what else do you compare? in addition, for example, led and in fact, i did not tell her everything, goodbye. we continued to communicate, but i already somehow didn’t like her. well, i really liked her. here's a great girl. and then your phrase about crazy love without smart love sounds right away. yes, you already got into a relationship once with a person whose values ​​are far from yours. and of course, with such a person it is much more difficult to maintain this wonderful cell of society, but in in the modern world, if it were 100 years ago, we would have lived perfectly, everything is fine. well , it's just different now, now make your love, smart smart, not without smart, that you again plunge into the same thing. why do you need this passion again, this loss of control. does this

mean when you do not see in a person something that does not suit you? why well start now your daughter is 34 is no longer 26, in theory, you can already, as it were, try to rationally approach it in a different way. yes, i absolutely agree with you, but these are words that are important, but, apparently, i act on some emotions and feelings. and now it seems to me that even if her external appearance, er. i aspire to something similar, but i will repeat to you absolutely. i don’t know how it is, it turns out, i probably came with these requests. yes, no, well, you can strive for you have a certain psychotype that makes you sympathetic, often ex- wives are similar to our current ones. yes, everything, as if there is nothing so bad. where is the problem here? well, find one similar to yours of the same psychotype there, the same type of visual, but also able to cook. what is the problem. what's the problem? say you just love

your wife. maybe now in the distance you realized that? well, you could, for example, try to build a life. so, and you agree that sometimes you need these tours. she filed through the forests, then the children will grow up, the boy will grow up , you will jump with him to return to this wife of yours, who keeps the house. cosiness well, it's always a question of definition, what is love, yes, and i kind of stand for the fact that we are still love. understood how accepting a person as he is, hi what is love with us, no matter how satisfied. we still accept it. how. well, yes, it can be developed with love. you can take more there over time and so on. and there is another question, because here it’s not only love, but living together, we don’t know how the spouse is. but who was the initiator of the conflicts there, because, well, if a person can negotiate as much as you like, but if you arrive

after a day off, and they throw you with an ax conditionally, yes, and then there is a second story. at i have a desire to have natalie and agree too, that is, here is a great rarity a great achievement. so, look what. the clear thing is now, most likely, you have two models in total, the first model is with her. yes, i'm my wife's husband. i seem to be divorced. yes, maybe even you had some thoughts of returning to it and, like, the second model without it, but there is, after all, a third scenario. what is possible with her, but it is not necessary to create a family again with your wife, you are not obliged. there, it means to live with his wife in a family, with all this paraphernalia. you can, to some extent , continue your relationship with your wife, like a man and a woman. so it is also possible and maybe, i have such an assumption, based on my professional experience. it

will ignite you in a new way, and it will go on for you too . do you understand? this is a podcast of the psyche in our studio, the hero vadim, who left his hometown, leaving his wife and two children there, but is still looking for the image of his wife. and can i ask you, of course, i'm dreaming. she you, yes, like, i don't think so. but a few days ago i swear to you i had a dream that she was getting married, and i'm trying to break this marriage. honestly, what were you doing in your sleep. she says, i didn’t meet a man yesterday, and today we are already getting married. i'm in this ceremony man nothing at all. i'm sorry, but nonetheless, i'm somehow trying to crash this wedding. why are you disrupting this wedding

there was no understanding, but i could not survive the fact that it would marry. and after this dream. i just did a request to participate in this program, so that the old people freud would tell us yunkaller, so i don’t know about it, it’s big. it seems to me a mistake to assume that dreams can be unambiguously interpreted and based on them, something can be built there. well, what is this person dear to you? whatever you dream about. this is fine. it's not just below. he is jealous in a dream, he protests the years have been spent. with this woman, the children from her are all right. you may dream about it, that is , this is once again a request, yes, do not betray this dream of super-values. well, you are used to, they think at night the brain does not turn off and also continues they think nothing terrible and nothing of some sort. yes, this is not. well, that is, he, you agree with what it means, most likely, he thinks about her all the time, we see it. now. actually. vadim

will not sing this to us, and he wrote, yes, another question. and then either you admit that you don’t love this woman, because you deny her the way she is and she doesn’t suit you in terms of her values , her behavior in her life, and then you perceive the feelings that are now feel for her exactly how a painful connection that is worth cutting off, or you still get into position. i accept her and this to some extent, that is, i have some kind of love for her, and then , maybe, you will agree, this is an intermediate one, and she, of course, is also an option, but not necessarily to be a family. well, you can meet, you know, because again, as in your family, you kind of had what opinions, most likely, that like , since we are in the family, we should spend time together, since we have a stamp in our passport, which means we must have the same values,

in fact, this is not so, firstly, you already lived like that, and that too could just be conflicts. yes, it was necessary to work with them on time. here, and the second now you don't have it there. he doesn't restrict you. maybe then you will be less significant. here these there joint uh, some kind of pastime. well, if a person is really dear to you, and if something in him, nevertheless, you love, accept and appreciate, maybe, at least at some level , try this relationship. you can also save it this way, you just don’t have to go back to family. yes, of course for children it will look especially strange. by the way, what will it look like for your children, because they may be generally happy. i just thought a lot about this michael. could it be not a feeling, even love at all, but just a sense of possessiveness 8 years of marriage. and, well, i just can't let go, because this is mine. well, he expresses it rudely , and and that's exactly this moment, can you hold me again, it's important to understand that this is

the feeling of the owners. oh yes, this is also the norm of life, most likely, it is also a question. it's just that, or is there something else. everything, do you know how to understand, only it or is there something else? no? i don’t know how to imagine, yes, and to work through these feelings when you understand that your spouse is all married. uh-huh , what will be the sensations if the spouse says to marry a dream, it seems to me that he showed how the sensations will be. yes, i wanted to answer the same emotions. right here at this moment. uh, it's still hard for me to accept, no, it's hard. it is clear that here anger is more guilt. what's here like like emotions. she has a name. it would hurt me hurt. and what will hurt the loss? yes, i can not emotions. it's hard for me to name an emotion. here, here she is, here she was with me. now i don’t have this emotion, but i can’t listen to her realize that it will hurt that

someone puts on your slippers, he goes to bed with her loss. ah, the pain of loss , most likely, but then, uh, tell me why do people feel pain when they lose something or someone, because they are attached, because there is a loss. this is the gap is a series of yes pain. and why because we forbid ourselves lose? that's when a person lives an adult life. completely, of course, it will not work, but it goes towards this, yes, and allows itself to lose and is aware of the loss, as the norm of life. that's when he stops believing that loss is something unambiguously bad. that's when he develops as a person. and here he is, he may already understand me, besides this pain of loss, in general, what else is there for this person, in addition to this selfishness , selfishness is the norm in relationships, in addition to this selfishness, what do i have? well, once again, are you an entrepreneur, have you really never lost, some money there opportunities for the series,

by the way, speaking, perhaps, in some way experienced a similar feeling. i now understand why i say, yes, yes, this is how you lived it and at some point you nevertheless realized that entrepreneurship. it's not just getting, it's also losing. well, for some reason it’s easier there, it ’s easier to experience everything, because the significance is less. yes, here the significance is greater, but now, if you twist after our meeting today, that losses are possible in your personal life. you will calm down a little. and that's when when you calm down a little, and this pain , it will not completely go away. she'll just get smaller. from the realization that the wife, maybe the former, yes, marry someone else. that's when you 'll understand. do you appreciate something in it or not? or is it just this selfishness from mine. i understand, yes, the prices for you will be back a little earlier. do you remember some such moments of absolute happiness, in your life as a spouse , of course, but in the very first place is

the birth of children. well, i’ll probably say that especially the first daughter, because this is the first child and on ultrasound i find out that this girl has tears in my eyes. and i'm like some kind of stereotypical thinking boy boy, there, i 'm a ural man, girl everything is great happiness. in general, i wanted exactly two children and before the birth of children. it was i who was present at both partner births. it is that you unforgettably supported such key, perhaps, moments, but we also spent the first time. i am now telling you about the end of our life together. she took, perhaps, i also took somewhere more quiet leisure, but then just each of us felt that well, we can’t go through ourselves already, and i need him , that’s what she needs. this is what they decided was bad. and can i ask you michael and if then when they didn’t feel that they had, uh, mutual irritation, rejection is accumulating

, and so on, they came to a psychologist, it was possible. do you think that's why i said , yes, that it was important to work with this conflict before, therefore, if you really came to a valuable specialist, and the probability that you are this conflict, a this conflict once again it is already here, only in fact on one e-ba. a statement that spouses should have the same values. and what if they are not there, then this is bad. you see, if you have worked with this statement and realized that it is not necessary to always and in everything have the same values. maybe the value of delicious food there is already enough to live the value of your two, desired children and conceived born people. must be. why does everything have to? yes, if you then and you and she is, as it were realized you would be much more likely to stay together, but here i would, frankly, look at your spouse separately. because i now see you as a whole, as a fairly sensible person, and the fact that natalya

tried to leave her wife there, yes, to show you. like some kind of deviant male. no not like this. i gave him the opportunity to show him that he is completely different. here. e, means, respectively, but the wife and there you can talk. possibly yes oh yes, including some kind of deep depression, because if man sits that's how all realah loses a lot of time on this. i don't know. yes, i'm not even asking fat people. it doesn't get fat. it's not there and it's not there. okay, but this is one of the signs. yes, but the fact that a person has a stressful or sms-like state there is one of them , it’s not a fact that this is the case, but here i would be in her place. if they are going to hear from us now, yes, in fact, i also noticed if she was running away from some kind of illness, seriously. because this happens quite often when they parted, it was now happening stormy

emotional or somehow calm already. here, of course, the point of no return is very loud conflicts, the participants of which were involuntary children, that is , two small children hear everything perfectly. when we calmed down, we were very sorry and promised each other not to happen again. children should not hear it, but it was repeated again and at some point we realized that, well, this cannot continue. and now the conflicts became the extreme points, uh, which naturally came from what i was talking about, they flared up right now on out of the blue literally, yes or there was always some reason for this in these already. yes? again, absolutely on point. they just clung to each other, apparently, they understood that well, there can’t even be family life. and that's exactly what we decided. here, people live for the sake of children , continue their existence together there , i’ll call it that, but we decided to leave to give birth to children, because i can’t continue like this how to count michael this is stormy. uh,

a violent reaction, violent conflicts say nothing about the fact that the relationship is really already irretrievably destroyed or on the contrary, that they are not indifferent to each other. and it just screams, their some kind of pain. there 's some sort of, well, they got confused, what they are talking about, they generally say that there are two types of conflicts. yes, there are constructive conflicts. uh, emotional constructive conflict when we go out, uh, so, uh, well, with someone you are trying with the help of conflict, for example, raising your voice and swearing, well, remaining an internal rather calm person. we're on to something. constructive yes indeed most conflicts in this world are not constructive, but rather emotional, so conflict itself. he is uh neutral question what kind of emotion led to him, a and with these emotions he can work. it is possible realizing that the cause of

emotions. it is not the behavior of another person. and there are our beliefs that this behavior is bad, that such behavior should not be. and that i am such a wonderful beautiful such behavior is not worthy, but these beliefs do not correspond to reality once you have such a spouse. so, the names of this are worthy for the present moment of life. want to change something. this is the behavior, maybe it is normal, statistically it is not good and not bad. yes and so, if we realistically look at the behavior of other people. we are not captured, negative emotions, they cease to control us, because we just begin to control and here. there is an opportunity either to enter into a conflict. if we think that it will be better this way, and then it is constructive, or do not enter into it. yes, but not because i'm afraid of conflict, but because i thought what there is better reasonably rationally calculated, then what i’m telling you now, just so that you read for the future is called cpt,

there are a million cognitive behavioral therapy books on it. it's just very common right now, because it's evidence-based, very rational without any. there are esoteric cards, as now some psychologists like to lay out and so on, this is nonsense, some pseudo psychologist. well, people who call themselves psychologists. yes, such is the story, so even if yours is not growing, first, give yourself time. because, well, that just a month and a half ago came off. give yourself a year. and you have an achiever. most likely , i broke away. so i must now find myself a woman no. you actually, that's even if it's just for the usual tutorial there. yes, grief for the loss. there are several stages of experiencing this sea, live it, and it immediately jumps somewhere into some kind of new relationship. you understand what you want, well, give yourself time. this is a podcast of the psyche in our

studio, the hero vadim, who left his hometown, leaving his wife and two children there, but is still looking for the image of his wife, so that you now tell your ex-spouse. we 'll call her now. we can now do not sure if i'm ready now goosebumps , okay? well, imagine that they called. let's have half. if only they would call now to tell them. she has a very unusual name, she is of muslim blood. call, in principle, again, you can, but i need time. now, digest this. i now have you have no idea how many emotions. you have me sitting now. me. that's right shakes, honestly sincerely and i just don't know what to say now, i need to think about it, i think here's another important point, remember i said, yes, that people usually see

only two scenarios, either this or and often they don't see the third scenario, which is called i refuse to make decisions and act, because people again most often, either i act like this or like this, but there is a third option. i don't act at all. i give myself the right to stand still. here in this state to worry or not outlive. i don't want to be in a relationship right now. i give myself permission. they themselves will come. thank god you have a plan built there, for sure. now i have it i have three dates a week something like that. here, yes, no need. here. well, you can, but try this third scenario. i don't even think about relationships right now. you know what it looks like, you like to eat on the train for a long time, by the way, i didn’t go, but i read student times, imagine that you sat down in a glass compartment. you just sit there doing nothing and the picture goes by. this is true

love, this is the time. she is just what he was talking about, michael for me. this is how i perceive it, you go without thinking. you arrive half a station of people moving the car , the boy plays with the dog. it started to rain, then the sun, nature changes. you just watch , you just give yourself that pause, life goes on, and you are on a pause in order to comprehend , overload and somehow relax. i know what i want to tell you, no matter how it turns out, further. your life. you are from zuhra already deeply native people, because your common past binds you your love is passion. most importantly, you are connected by two children. i think it's kind of related. you are not relatives with her by blood, but since it is through children, it is very deep, and it seems to me that this should be respected and appreciated. you are already relatives and nothing will happen in this world that will cancel

this common past of yours, which was beautiful and beautiful friends. we really do not know how the fate of our hero, who, for example, is very nice to me, will turn out. and i would like that no matter how his life develops, so that in this story. in the end everything both vadim and his ex-wife were happy. zuhra have two children. let everything turn out as it should and it will be good. well, i think that a significant part of the conflicts arose in the relationship between the led caviar precisely because they tried to be always happy always and so that everything would always be fine with them, so i just call on adult positions and yes, strives for happiness, but not demands that it must no longer tie the word happiness to words. i so want. yes, that is, as you wish, no definitely good for