so, the neighbor takes off his pants, look, if he fences on the carpet, i won't clean it up. unexpectedly you two anecdotes. i was reminded just now that my father is going on a business trip to leningrad and he means, uh, children and well, he comes and says this. well, here, there is an older child, an average and a very small one. he says, so children dad goes to leningrad on a business trip, who will now come up with a rhyme for the word leningrad to that, i will bring what he asks the elder such opa goes to leningrad , dad will buy marmalade. he says well done there average. come on, that papa is going to leningrad . papa will buy a jackal. well done to everyone except lata chocolate. and ours is playing around, he says, you heard that you invented it, in general, you are

stupid to me, in general, that is. well, in general, look like a brother. you just immediately rhyme everything there, came up with something. yes, he says, well, tell me what you came up with. he says, dad is going to leningrad, my mother's boyfriend will be happy, and for this, for a secret. dad will buy me a moped. and you are talking about this one such simple oligarch oligarch, he comes home on a rolls-royce, so he has, well, just a palace. well, the castle is such a simple castle, and he comes in like this and tells his wife that his wife is all there in the kitchen, like a parade of diamonds. all there is a wife. what do we have for dinner? he says, well today lobster. here are langoustines, there are black caviar. he says, again, i want such fried potatoes, salom with onions. she throws such a rolling pin such a diamond, so she generally says that you will earn money like normal men

will give you potatoes and onions, but i understood about the school, remember when the teacher asks the girl of class or rather a. come up with a sentence where two words would be fine and the girl pulls. yes, there, katenka , please, uh, mom made me a beautiful dress. i am his department and i look great in it. well done there, five, the second girl pulls her hand to me, my grandmother baked wonderful pies. i ate them, i feel great, sit down. well, there's a five, mashenka, you 're not here. hand yes, mashenka. yes, i went up to my dad and said that i was pregnant. to which dad said fine just fine. well, not so colorful. it sounds uh one word. listen, i remembered something anecdote. well, here we talk about the russian countryside all the time. i like those you know, such as participants, in which i could have events,

in short, i remembered an anecdote, which means the farmer is here. well, just imagine something there quietly. uh-huh the farmer works, so he has a huge one there, and the ranch and here such a dusty pickup truck drives up and comes out of such a funny hat. there with this with such acorns it fits, the sheriff comes out new, he is like that. hey, i'm the new sheriff of this state. i came to see if you have any illegal items. maybe you're hiding something in the shed or something you grow it in the field there or whatever he says, you're the new sheriff. yeah, i see the new one, you see the badge, it's a badge. i'm embroidered that you have it in this barn. yes , this night is nothing special, you see, i can go anywhere . i'm the boss. i'm a new sheriff opens. he opens this bar. there are sacks, flour,

and all that. so it's here. and what does he say there firewood? open this icon. i can look anywhere. he opens firewood there. he says, and here what is below, he says, yes, there is a cellar, i can look in, wherever i want. i am wider. you see, this icon is open. he opens. there are some cucumbers and tomatoes. so, what do you have there on that field. he says, there, please, don't go. and you see, this is a badge i went where i want with such a quick step, i went a pole, threw it away, rose once because of a hillock , disappeared here, and after 3 minutes it runs and behind it a huge bull is so furious, just, well , throws it up, it flies up, falls into the ground, and already the ass is pierced even faster, the bull runs even faster after him. his eyes are so big farmer icon. show him the badge. it seems to me

that, maybe somewhere, once upon a time, it was generally accurate, in principle, jokes. they come from life. considering what you and i did here today, roman yunusov came, how the lezgins were left half without a beard, where, as if for a casting, you know that you know some, there’s nothing like that for pastrovsky, and i’m returning to the jokes, i remembered such a telephone, because the phone. pranks were phones now, yes, now, you see, they are popular. and we are in childhood did at someone's apartment, who had a phone dialed a random number. and so i remembered such a telephone joke, when a man calls on the phone, he calls, he says. hello hello. this is a model. no, it's a sauna. how can i call the brothel? well, call me in three hours. and i remember, this is an old joke. when hello hello, this is 33-33-33 number.

he says, yes, you could call an ambulance. my finger discs are stuck, in short, but i remembered. you know that the joke is just in a t-shirt today, so i decided to tell you about football. not about a t-shirt, not about football. well , it seems, when touch my chest, touch my chest. you feel you feel how my nipples are swollen and hardened. well, mikhalych well, you are not supposed to have a second one. well, it's not supposed to. rotational anecdotes so rum, you and i are chatting here, our dear viewers. uh. we tried very hard to keep you in a good mood for another podcast of jokes. the big one has come to an end. thank you for being with us in a good mood for you today , remembering funny stories. i am one galygin and roman yunusov burgonistrenko. mr. yes

, all the best, see you again. bye. hello this is a podcast triggers and i'm sergey with you, he is a psychologist and tatyana krasnovskaya, a psychologist and a psychotherapist, and we are talking with our guest olga olga tell us what you came to us with today, and i came after a relationship with an abuser. so a psychopath, probably, but having lived with him for some period of time, i now understand that there are some consequences of this relationship in my life, and i catch myself that i can’t cope on my own and i have some kind of reaction organism. yes , inappropriate for some situations. it seems to me that it is wrong to perceive the situation and i have no right. there to be offended to be annoyed. that is , it seems to me that i came up with everything myself and

get myself suppressed by these emotions. and i don’t suffer from this myself and it seems to me that people when they talk to me, i understand everything wrong, that is, everything is somehow perverted, as if i have some kind of distortion and in general, somewhere the norm. how old are you 35 years old? how many years have you been right in that relationship for three years, and how long have you been in them did you live two or three years? how do you talk to a psychopath? tell us how it was in general, that it was met in moscow. he turned out to be an arab because of egypt, in the sense you did not know. yes, he told me that he is half- arab, half-american. this was my first mistake of him, because i turned a blind eye to it. so when you can start dating, i started asking him. i say, but still, where is your mother, where is your father,

what is his name? he says, well, that is, well, we 'll get to know each other. i say ok here. well, it turned out, ended up there after some time relationship. i realized that he is a pure slave and not just some kind of elite blood. how he positioned himself, that he graduated from some american universities there, he is simply from egypt and a rather poor family, but really wanted to seem like such a status person. it can be understood. and if he were one hundred percent, they would not immediately begin to build relationships. i still, probably, have some stereotypes. what does it seem to me? but you also need to understand what kind of person. well, that is acquaintance. oh well, here i am with the guys from egypt after all. it seemed to me that nothing serious could happen to him.

well you haven't managed to build that boundary yet so they have respect for it, so about it. tell us about your relationship. it so happened that i lost my job in moscow, and he says, he lives in dubai and says, come on, come to me. in general, we will build relationships. i dropped everything. well, no work. and how long did they meet while you were in moscow, uh, about months. three uh-huh three months and then i i went to dubai, that is. first i went with him to visit him for his birthday for 2 weeks. then she returned to moscow and then left completely. well, not quite, as she left completely, but i’ll just return, i won’t return, it was like that, discovered by him. we started a relationship and everything was great. that is, he courted very beautifully, well, how beautiful, but he is acceptable. and if we went to a restaurant, if it was in moscow when then i always called the car, that is, there are always restaurants there every time flowers then, of course, we had relatives. or

relationship and when i came there he lived in a hotel, since he was here on a business trip, he lived in a hotel with a film crew, and did not film a tv show for a football match. that is, they lived in a hotel. when i always came, it's always roses on the bed - it's always a bunch of flowers. a bunch of treats, there are a lot of romantic decorations. i mean, this is just too much. and that is, that's what i yaknulsya some fairy tale. yes, that is, as if that's how i got swirled. that's how cinderella and i liked it there. ugh, i kind of wanted to keep it yes. and probably, later, when they already started some. i have very pleasant events in our relationship to occur. i knew how it was, they began to happen when you left there, when he proposed to me , he proposed or not in moscow in dubai, i flew to dubai, we began to live everything was

beautiful, and then ah. i caught him at first glance, i accidentally saw a photo there with a kissing girl from all, where he takes a selfie against the background of our roughly speaking bed. when i asked him what is it? he said that i misunderstood everything , and it was just the masseuse who came. i play you kissing everyone like that. he says it's just you brought me i think maybe it's true, i did something wrong. maybe he should not be so offended somehow. maybe something to get up is better to become more good more beautiful, well, so that he does not cheat on me. and i flew to moscow then to think. i thought about returning or not. but, apparently, this longing, which he gave me at the beginning. i wanted to go back there. you probably thought will return. i think she’ll do something funny, it’s better

to strain yourself with yourself, as if through yourself for him, then he will go forward and do the same for me. and i returned, and he was afraid, apparently, to lose me, because he immediately proposed to me uh-huh and after that he said that i was his property and in arab countries, so after you accepted the offer, you got married no , but you just accepted the offer and became his property. that is, he said ring on finger evidence that i'm his i'm his actually, how is it that i say the same as i say, i'm a man. i'm a person. how can you do with me what he wants, no, it ’s impossible. he says there so i say, well, i'm with a different mentality. you must understand too. he says, you accepted that i must therefore accept islam, there are parents in the harem, ten of these children or there are some of them, at least three standard, and i went for some. well, that is, we have

such a conflict with contra. yes i had you some time before the wedding, correctly, i understand immediately, as soon as you accept the ring , you should immediately have no kah. this is islam. there is one like before allah and from now on, in principle, muslims believe that you are his wife in no way right in the mosque , where does this happen in egypt on the road? they just signed the documents and the documents were there. they misspelled my name and were there at all. well, yes, my data is incorrect. when you agreed to this ritual, traditional for islam, you read something about it, knew something about it. i read a little, but what needs to be said in the koran and what i did. he was completely two different things aware of what you are doing, but you have not yet accepted islan at that

time. yes. so good so. you had such a traditional muslim wedding. let's say. well, yes, it was very. it seems to me low is not ugly. yes, because after all, when it doesn't pull, this is also a ritual, this is a tradition. these are some outfits, some treats, probably, and here it's just on the road quickly. well, the documents were necessary for the sake of to register the main marriage. yes , you must first do and get the presidency there. i mean, it was so purely formal. uh-huh well, they have everything i'm his wife said, no, divorced or there. you don't live under the same roof for 30 days. that is, you, too, already, well, not a husband. and a wife, that is. well, convention, or something, and before this ritual, you

spoke with him, and your joint future, how will it look like? what does he expect from you? what are you ready for? on what is not, right so as to sit down in an adult way to talk. no, it wasn't, that is, i thought it would be here is a fairy tale. that is, i probably had glasses arabian night, yes, and everything turned out such a sitting at home not letting me out of the apartment, even to the store. i needed to come up with a good reason. why should i leave the apartment, that is, just go for a walk no, well, it's normal that's not how the women of the country do it. well, i thought that after all i was russian and there was some kind of indulgence towards me and how events developed further. further, of course we went to his parents in egypt and there it became more very aggressive. that is, suppose if i i worked somewhere, i didn’t have a

bank card, for example, and the whole salary is there because dubai is all checks. that is, i needed to get money somehow, and he says, let's throw money on my card. and today you can pay him at any time, but as he showed in marriage, when he wanted to pick up the card, he took it, that is, i was left without money, that is, all the money was transferred to him. i then stayed a little to save some cash, so that at least i had something to have some kind of pillow security, purely for myself, what to buy what tickets, well, that is, you began to invest, relatively speaking, on tickets back , or at least if i go from him, to live at least for some period of time, so that i have something to eat , but the thought that such an option is generally possible, that you are moving away from it. as i understand it, it was not scary, for some reason, to leave him. i wanted to live there , and, of course, everything was

good in the country, but i was afraid. uh, hmm i'll be back in moscow yes. i told everyone that i had already left. and everything is fine with me, that they won’t accept me, is it obvious that you didn’t want to return back? uh-huh i didn't want to admit it to myself well, but you are an adult, you could, relatively speaking, not return, but move from there to mexico why did you, in principle, have an idea in your head? only either you stay, and in dubai yes, i don’t know, somewhere in egypt, or you return love, an adult, able to go further. well, obviously it was somehow slowed down for you and your brain and mind did not develop in that direction. what can you do, well you didn't like scratching, but got divorced married a mexican didn't like the mexicans. married to runes. now there are no such thoughts yet, i see, that's why i seem to be interested, because

you came up with a fairy tale for yourself, obviously you plunged into this fairy tale and realized that this fairy tale does not suit you, but you stayed there long enough to live there. horror or return and there and there did not like. psychologist sergey on himself and psychologist psychotherapist tatyana krasnovskaya, today we have olga as guests and we are listening to her story. from why did they run away from moscow, probably some dullness of days for me, that is, for me, when he appeared, i became. a busy life , of course, but still, let's see, before it appeared, what happened in your life , what did you want to escape? some kind of loneliness, i guess. as a result, this loneliness is work, home work home, well, friends, relatives, i went there to study,

but for some period of time you already know everything , it became boring to talk about what happened before this meeting in moscow, your mood dropped the energy of speech has changed, what is happening? let's look there, because i understand that you want us to help you find the reasons for this abuse. i don't know the reason for it. yes, in this person calling him a psychopath or an abuser. now it is very fashionable and how could we, of course, we can do it, but if you want to learn how to build relationships, then you will have to rewind back to the moment where you made the decision to go into a relationship with a person. what were you getting out of at that moment? because if you feel like these three years have affected you.

well, they probably influenced , but still, it would be more important for me now to see what could make you go into it, what made you stay there for a long time, why did i ask you, what prevented you from leaving for another country, any other country. well, just go nowhere. i don't think there is any support. there, no one expects precisely this fear in their victim, let's call it that. because she has nowhere to go, not because what she had before she either devalues ​​or does not consider it worthy. why is this needed support? let's get back. here is your story. see you soon. support he can orient, probably. support who

supported you before his sister? basically , she is older by 16 years. you consulted with her when you made the decision to leave. no, i didn't consult anyone. well, why , after all, she is close to you people, why didn’t you consult didn’t discuss this? i decided that i can make the decision of my life myself, you really can. i didn't even ask my mom. what is your relationship with your elder sister were also objective? this is just my fantasy, but i want to ask you to think about it, having. maybe some

other form? the older sisters felt close to him and the way they felt next to their sister has something in common. i have a feeling that i owe something here and there. and what were you supposed to be a sister? i must not upset, i must do something permanent, so that she feels good, so that yes , even just doing something around the house. that is, i can’t just be, i have to do something all the time. i don't i can just be a younger sister, they said very important things. i would like to stop there. i can't just be. what do you feel when you say it?

you feel, you feel, because this pain just returns you to that state of yours. where did you run from? and if you run away from it, then regardless of the mexican armenian, whoever he is, he will use precisely your desire to avoid this pain. and, of course, roses on the bed are a date under the moon, there i don’t know romantic meetings. in a hotel. all this is everything just no analgesics for the pain they were experiencing. the most important thing today is to see it and stop running away from it. i can't just be. remember, here is a child who lives in these conditions. when did you get this feeling? as a child tell how old you are. i just remember

such events in the kindergarten, i also remember when i found out that my mother was paying something for me in the kindergarten there, yes. there is also monthly. this is the fee when the child goes to kindergarten, and i got such a feeling of guilt for it, as it were. why are you even interested in playing from someone, it turns out mom works three jobs to pay for me to go there. that's why nestora didn't live with them anymore. you heard it from your mother or from someone. well, i was at home, i remember. and someone from relatives, yes , someone said it to you.

maybe someone just said, that is, i found out, it was by accident , or maybe, my mother and her friends said that she was lying, that she needed to pay for the garden for the next month for the child. or maybe not what was it or something. mom always worked. there, she worked at two schools , hosted tutoring and mopped floors. that is today. i think the lord works so hard that i'm in this kindergarten. you go, i can not go. just got more rest. and that's what i thought, baby. such a thought, such an idea, usually forms in the child an attitude with which he then goes through life for a long, long time, and this idea is that i can’t just be, i must somehow justify my existence. i seem to be a little out of place here i occupy, if i occupy it, it

seems to create some kind of awkwardness for other people, and then we begin to create some additional value, and we try to adapt to other people. it looks like this is what you did. also, your exit, well , let's call it marriage is very similar to an attempt to relieve the burden on these people. well, now i got married and i didn’t have to worry anymore. there was no need to worry anymore. and of course, then it is very scary for them to admit that your choice was wrong. what are you speaking about are you thinking now or what? do you feel now? as they say in the eyes? unpleasant, right? that it's all my fault. i did not say that. i

seem to be watching so you don't hear. you perceive all this through a prism. again, i'm to blame. there is no guilt here, there are no guilty ones. to face the truth is to be able to take responsibility . the only thing is that a form of life in which not a psychopath, not an abuser, not a tyrant is not able, uh, to use his methods with you. this form of life is called responsibility. you see after all, and the victim of a tyrant or an abuser always has hope for a fairy tale, hope that he will change, and everything will be fine, hope that now i will change a little, and he will definitely become better. he will love me there more, better love differently, but this hope takes away your strength. the strength is always

the hopelessness the strength is always in your decision that no matter where you are, you are able to change your life. and most importantly, because you are already many years old in order to not live up to expectations. not justify your mom's or your sister's investment. now you can definitely just be. and it's not sentimental. guilt is what got you there. and they will drive you further if you continue to look like that. now you have this very life of yours, with which you are free to do, taking responsibility for it. they share with someone the freedom to do whatever they want with her. mexico happens. with you we are

psychologist sergey on ourselves and psychologist psychotherapist tatyana krasnovskaya. today we have guests olga and we are listening to her story for in order to make it a little clearer for you now. tell me the same story, but as if you were telling. here is the story of olga, who, accordingly, met the arab prince, went and looked. she did not like it, she returned. otherwise, you can change it right now. when , let's say, we met, i moved there and at the first meeting there were situations when i didn’t like something, when i was painfully unpleasant. then at that moment i had friends, yes, and i would have gone to the girls. and suppose i would find a job, i would become work somewhere to earn money. i would,

regardless. maybe i met someone else. maybe there were some possibilities. yes, that's what to say to go somewhere to fly somewhere. i suggest that you do not subjunctive mood this story when i comprehend the subjunctive, as it would be. i suggest you look at it. and what it was, but from a slightly different angle. i was in my early 30s so i decided to taste it. what is for real? oriental tale, i found myself an arab prince. i drove and uh, passion married him to the desert on road, and then we began to live there, i don’t know, dubai as a result. i realized that this is not mine. i turned around and left. and this story is completely different. and then this story is integrated into your consciousness. as your experience, there is no person who is to blame for everything and there is no you

who is to blame for everything. because an attempt to shift this responsibility onto him. this suggests that you are not able to bear your own responsibility. i know a dramatic story is much more interesting for girlfriends and for most psychologists. it will be much more interesting, but that's it elements 2 3 elements that we have noticed now changing you from when i asked you to talk about history to when i asked you to feel what is happening to you at this moment. and when you said that you face the truth. that's the elements of growing up. any other form of arabic script will only exacerbate the patterns of your history. your childish attitude. and make you. well , as if they are not capable of relationships. but in front of

me sits an adult beautiful woman, and who, in general, has her whole life ahead of her. everything, that important, it's just unwind back and see. it's different. it can be assumed that this position is where you are not a victim, he is not an abuser. and in general, the circumstances have developed. otherwise, as you wish. she seems to make this position make you more confident and stronger, and makes you a directly strong woman. what about your relationship now? not with him at all with other men not yet. don't lay 'em no 'cause you don't build 'em, man. do you want to eat around you? while there is no i do not want to have been attempts. yes, but when for some reason, even the slightest questions hello where are you perceived by me like that, that is, everything seemed to me, everything he controls me, like

control, of course. it seems to me that it all starts right away, i immediately cut it off. that is , either you know, or everything, or you know nothing, i 'll tell you, i will reveal such a secret, when many years ago sms messages were paid. well, they are now paid, but then there were no alternative forms. ah, the cellular company, they made most of their money on text messages. hi where are you? all people are in control friend. the question is not who controls you, the question is, but lie down. are you called under this control or not? you can quite calmly give this control, you can take this control back and you need to. in these relations , just the same, but to observe this border that you set. not just yes, it is important for you

to distance yourself, it is important for you now to take responsibility for what you can take. well, for example, work is your activity, your creativity is your health, if you want to do business conditionally. yes, but you understand, that's my responsibility for her. i will never give it to anyone , then it will become a support for you. in any relationship when you build a bridge based on another person, you are doomed to failure, because no one on the other side is going to hold anything. and so the bridge is always from oneself to oneself, just from oneself today to oneself in a year, let's say. for me, this story is still, probably, a little bit about permission, or what ? yes, right in the first place, probably, you should allow yourself to take your place.