nice. for example, i don’t bring in, and i don’t even bring in the smell of uh, coffee from the so-called chicory, because it smelled like that in kindergarten, and i really didn’t like him, and that’s all , and this is how it was cut off. i think that most of the human. there is also an apparatus , also evolutionary, slender in order to distinguish between fresh and not fresh spoiled and well-cooked there. well, it seems to me uh, let's say everything is excessive, there is an excess of salt, an excess of sugar, overcooked, not giving. that is. this is what prevents a person from really assimilating well, nutrients . we have somewhere, probably, again, what you need to call a specialist medic is probably written down somewhere. we have this program that allows us to distinguish. and

even if we don’t think about it, we don’t understand what the chemistry of this is and all the physiology behind it, the crow toggle switch somehow works, the light bulb lights up. thank you very much. i think after this podcast. you you will never calmly look at the soup , you will see in it complex systems, complex physics, chemistry, biology. well, that's good, because our world is a service and it can be wrong to look at it as something very simple. thank you very much. maria many thanks to the bar. well, thank you very much to those who watched or listened to us today. hello this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am a journalist natalya loseva and a candidate of psychological sciences , a clinical psychologist mikhail khors, we continue to analyze the most interesting and most complex stories of our heroes. hello dear

friends, today's our hero. vadim came to moscow after a divorce in a noble city. he left behind his ex-wife. his children are looking for their new love, but he is not very successful, because who would they find in this new big city. they all resemble his wife, or he compares these women to his ex-wife, who just can't let go. what to do with it is good or bad. and what, in fact, means that we will deal with such flashbacks today. hello well, does that mean they left their wife? whether it was you, it was a mutual decision, but she was still the initiator of the divorce. why is the fact that we were married for 8 years in 2014, we got married and divorced in the past at the beginning everything was for love, great we have two children, a six-year-old girl and a 3-year-old son. we

thought that the birth of children would only unite the creaks of the family and some new round would give the relationship in fact already. we began to understand that we are completely different people. or rather, initially we saw it and realized it, but how they say opposites attract us it was good, but at some point, uh, i 'm a more active person, i can't sit still, as they say, she's just so calm economic. this seems to be a plus, but for me too much. perhaps passive in some way. for example, children and happiness, great, but sometimes you need to allocate time for each other too. we had the opportunity to leave them with grandparents and i wanted to somehow interestingly actively spend time for a few days to go somewhere in nature, hiking, snowboarding, allow. at that time, she preferred a quiet rest, lying on the couch and watching tv shows. you are absolutely right and as a result i was leaving.

we spent time separated did not return home, because again i wanted something interesting new, which means did not return home, like, honey, i'll be at nine, and then uh, i'm sorry i'm not at home tonight. no, that wasn't quite right anymore. and i'm not saying that i'll come. i say it like it is, that i'm leaving, but her, of course. this was very unsatisfactory. and the children stayed with her, and dad on tour, roughly speaking, it was so, therefore, why was the initiator? the country, because at some point it stopped arranging it with these my sorties. i don't brag about it, really. so there is every day. yes, no, no, it was periodically a weekend, for example, i wanted some extreme ones. well, how many days off per month were the weekend through the weekend. may it be often enough. well, that is, twice a month. you were leaving with an overnight stay extreme. but it

was already closer to the end of our relationship. when yes, yes, before that it was much less common. i somehow still held on. yes, probably, but at some point i realized that, well, no , i can't, i am, if i were, if she was with me, uh, in these pastimes. well, i was not interested. you don’t sometimes watch with her, but for her it was commonplace and absolutely. i was interested in diversifying. that is , it could be interleaved. her attraction is with me my hobby, but mine, she was not at a loss in this whole story, when dad is there, mom is on tv shows, and children are with grandparents or whatever or, as a result, they remained a spouse, because , again, grandparents, even they themselves offer. let's sit with them. you are going to spend the weekend together. well , she says i don't want anything, so she watched tv series. well, the children were at home, they didn’t take them with them to some kind of extreme. and how old is six? well, how would he have dragged me dad at 4 years

already, of course, i understand you, but no, not yet. apparently i don’t know yet, it seems to me that it’s too early for her , but, although your example, how did you go with him to ride with them, of course. yes. there is such a small extreme, after all, you had slides and my three year old son rode. yes, she can be on bicycles. they rode bicycles there. she's just learning to ride scooters with me. then we had walks, that is, the children were your partners. eh, these sorties. of course, but again, i can give you one more example. what are you up to? let me down too. i often walked with the children and did not go with us, wife. well, it's also a completely family pastime. we just went to the park. we had a picnic and took a blanket on scooters. she says, well, you you know, uh, i don't like all these walks. i came to the conclusion that she is too homely, maybe it won’t sound somehow, but she ’s like that in someone else, or listen like that on her own, well,

her mother is exactly the same. yes, my ex-mother-in-law, they say directly, look at your mother-in-law. if you want to see you communicate very well, the former mother-in-law to her, hello. you say, how are you here, like a man, like a father, like in a family, ning i mean there? well, the family was provided for, yes, yes, i am entrepreneurs. i am engaged in building materials , there is an income. yes, your wife started working for you work just a year ago. until then, she's exceptional. that is, while you lived together, your wife did not work. she started working towards the end of her life. well, that is, you and your family provided. you are such an energetic child, so, uh, entertain, and-and your spouse turns out to be such an anchor for you. what did you like? so you say, we immediately saw that we are so different, but at the same time, ah. we enjoyed it, what does that mean? that's when the beginning of your relationship. well, first of all, it was some kind of crazy love on my part. at least,

i will say that i got married at the age of 26 and before this age. i didn't love that much. what is this? it 's hard to describe, but of course i met her. come on, that's exactly the passion we had uh was the nightlife . if possible, so to speak the first time. she accepted me. this is also an important point, and she is with me as it turned out. not although, apparently, because we also loved very much, we went out somewhere and visited. she, so that you understand, even the guests are not particularly welcome at home. it's a happy table. yes, let them go to visit, but not us, but i'll repeat myself, but i want to get out. i can't at home sit, although a comfortable apartment in yekaterinburg you can not sit at home. it’s just that you can’t sit at home all the time, probably, because you spent most of the time at home, of course. i can’t sit at home and immediately people get the feeling that you dumped such a jumper there from the family simply because he is not at home at home. you sat, you can, well, just not all the time weekdays work at home, definitely, 100% children in the evenings

walks on weekends. yes , something is starting to rattle in me, let's move on to the moment with which they came to us. eventually you got divorced, and you left for moscow that's right, and now you have girls, and you look for your soul in each of them, as it turned out, how it happens. we got divorced and decided, uh, no more relationship. i, too, am satisfied with everything. i actually had a really hard time coming off. but this is a different story. i have moved here for a month and a half now. it can be said that the group ran away from the ex-wife, they want children there and it is very difficult for me to be here without them, but i understood that i could not be near her. why the feeling has not cooled down here with all that is that i i tell you they could no longer be together. our conflicts were very serious. but it has not cooled down, and it sits somewhere in the subconscious. i know, as if another replacement. i want to fall in love. i want to be loved sincerely, but every time i

meet girls when i communicate, i start a subconscious comparison. beautiful young girl. we communicate well. i recognize her. i don't like to cook wah head i don't want this i don't want. that is, i think more of a wife at this moment, i just understand that i need a girl who knows how to cook. just because for 8 years. i'm used to just this and you actually turned out to be important and i thought. it is important. now it seems to you that it is very important that there is a wife who or your girlfriend who can feed boringly, and be sure. why be sure to explain the delivery from the restaurant. listen to the answer to the question. why words, because i'm so used to. this is a small answer, well, as it were, not implying critical thinking. are you used to it? why is there something new in your spouse for you? yes? e in your new girl woman. why is that bad? because

i have qualities in the head of my ex- wife, which must be in the current one, that is, you must be greeted at home with delicious food. so it was in the family, probably your mother. yours, probably, cooked very tasty and yes, i lived with my parents, i was such a little son for a long time until the age of 24. he know how every time girls come to us with a problem i can't find a man. every time we write to us in social networks, natalie writes like, give the girl's phone number. i am like me i am sure that now after this transfer we were formed. don't take the bread. guzeeva what are you, what did you take there? yes, i had it prepared on the site phone one, but why not? well actually uh a girl who can cook. million what's the problem? well , choose the one that knows how to cook, what else do you want, what else do you compare? in addition, for example, led and in fact, i did not tell her everything, goodbye. we continued to communicate, but i already somehow didn’t like her. well,

i really liked her. here is a great class girl. and then your phrase about crazy love without smart love sounds right away. yes, you already got into a relationship once with a person whose values ​​are far from yours. and of course , with such a person it is much more difficult to maintain this wonderful cell of society, but in the modern world, if it were 100 years ago, we would have lived perfectly, everything is fine. well, it's just different now, now make your love, smart smart, not without smart that you again plunge into the same thing. why do you need this passion again, this loss of control. does this mean when you do not see in a person something that does not suit you? why well start now you have bastards, 34 is no longer 26, go. it is already possible, as it were , in a different way to try to rationally approach it more rationally. yes? i absolutely agree with you, but

these are words that are important, well, apparently, i act on some emotions and feelings. and now it seems to me that even if her external appearance, er. i aspire to something similar, but i will repeat to you absolutely. i don’t know how it is, it turns out, probably, with this request i came. yes, no, well, you can strive for you there is a certain psychotype that makes you sympathetic, often ex-wives are similar, but to us the current one. yes, everything, as if there is nothing so bad. where are the problems here? well, find a psychotype similar to yours , the same type of visual, but still able to cook. what is the problem. what's the problem? tell me, i think. you just love your wife. maybe now in the distance you realized that? well, you could, for example, try to build a life. so, do you agree that sometimes you need these here is the tour. she filed through the forests, then the children

will grow up, the boy will grow up , you will jump with him to return to this wife of yours, who keeps the house. comfort is preparing. well, it's always a question of definition, what is love, yes, and i kind of stand for the fact that we still understand love as accepting a person as he is, hi what about what love we have, no matter how satisfied. we still accept it anyway. well, yes, love can be developed. you can take more there over time and so on. and there's another question here, not only love, but life together, we don’t know how the spouse is. but who was the initiator of the conflicts there, because, well, if a person can negotiate as much as you like, but if you arrive after a day off, and they throw an ax at you there , yes, and then there is a second story. i have a desire to agree too, that is, this is a great rarity. yes great achievement so, look what. the interesting thing is now, most likely you have

two models of everything in your head. the first model is with and without it. yes, i'm my wife's husband. i seem to be divorced. yes, maybe even you had some thoughts of returning to it and , like, the second model without it, but there is, after all, a third scenario. what is possible with her, but it is not necessary to create a family again with your wife, you are not obliged. there, it means to live with his wife in a family, with all these paraphernalia. you can , to some extent , continue your relationship with your wife, like a man and a woman. so it is also possible and maybe, i have such an assumption, based on my professional experience. it will ignite you in a new way, and you can do it too. do you understand? this is a podcast of the psyche in our studio , the hero vadim, who left because of one city, leaving his wife and two children there, but

is still looking for the image of his wife. and can i ask you, of course, you are dreaming, yes, i don’t seem to think so. but a few days ago, i swear to you i had a dream that she was getting married, and i'm trying to break this marriage just an honest word with him. she says, i didn't meet a man yesterday. and today we are getting married. i'm in this ceremony man nothing at all. i'm sorry, but anyway less, and somehow i'm trying to sabotage this wedding of you. no. why are you disrupting this wedding, but i could not survive the fact that it would marry even after this dream. i just submitted a request to participate in this program, so that the old yunkalers would tell us, so i don’t know about it, it’s

big. it seems to me a mistake to assume that dreams can be unequivocally how to interpret it, such as building something on them there. well, what is this person dear to you, so that you don’t dream about him. this is fine. he's not just dreaming. he is jealous in a dream, he protests the years were conducted with this woman, the children from her are all right. you may dream about it, that is , this is once again a request, yes, do not attach super-values ​​to this dream. well, you are used to, they think at night the brain does not turn off and they also continue to think, nothing terrible and nothing of some kind. yes, this is not. well, that is, he, you agree with what it means, most likely, he does not think all the time. we see it. now. yes actually. vadim will sing this to us and wrote, yes, another question. eh, what to do? and either you then admit that you are this

you don’t love a woman because you deny her the way she is and she doesn’t suit you in terms of her values, her behavior in her life, and then you perceive the feelings that you now have for her as a painful connection that should be cut off, or you still take a position. i accept her and this one to some extent, that is, i have some kind of love for her, and then, maybe, you will agree, this is an intermediate one, and she, of course, is also an option, but it is not necessary to be a family. well you can meet, you know, because again, you, as a family, you kind of had, what opinions, most likely, that since we are in the family, we should spend time together, since we have a stamp in our passport, it means that we must have common values, in fact, this is not so, firstly, you lived like that and so it was also possible just conflicts. yes, it was necessary to work with them on time. here, and the second now you don't have it there. he doesn't restrict you. maybe then you will be less significant. here are these joint e, some kind of pastime, but if a person

is really dear to you, and if something in him , nevertheless, you love, accept and appreciate, maybe at least at some level try this relationship. you can also keep it that way , you just don’t have to go back to the family. yes, of course for children it will look especially strange. by the way, what will it look like for your children, because they may be generally happy. i just thought about it a lot michael. could it be not a feeling, even love at all, but simply possessiveness 8 years of marriage. and, well, i just can't let go, because this is mine. well, to express it roughly and and that's exactly this moment, maybe it's important to keep me again , it's important to understand that this is a sense of ownership. oh yes, this is also the norm of life, most likely, it is also a question. it's just that, or is there something else. everything everything. do you know how to understand, only it or is there something else? no. i don’t know how to imagine, yes, and to work through

these feelings when you understand that your spouse is all married. uh-huh , what will it feel like if the spouse says to marry a dream, to me seems to have shown will feelings. yes, i wanted to answer the same emotions. right here at this moment. uh, it's still hard for me to accept, no, it's hard. it is clear that here anger is more guilt. what's here like like emotions. she has a name. i will be in pain. and what will hurt the loss? yes, i can not emotions. it's hard for me to name it. here, here she was with me. now i don’t have this emotion, but i can’t listen to it, realize that it will hurt that someone puts on your slippers, he lies down with her in the bed of loss, and the pain of loss, most likely, but then , uh, tell me why people feel pain when they lose something or someone, because they are attached, because there is, and loss is

a break in this connection, yes pain. and why because we forbid ourselves to lose? that's when a person lives an adult life. completely, of course, it will not work, but it goes towards this, yes, and allows itself to lose and is aware of the loss as the norm of life. that's when he stops believing that loss is something unambiguously bad. that's when he develops as a person. and here he can already understand he told me, besides this pain of loss, in general, what else is there for this person, in addition to this selfishness , selfishness is the norm in relationships, in addition to this selfishness, what do i have? well, once again, you are an entrepreneur, have you really never lost, you have lost some money there, by the way, by the way, perhaps you experienced a similar feeling in some way. i now perceive why say? well, that's how you lived it, and at some point you nevertheless realized that entrepreneurship. it's not just getting, it's also losing. so answer, well for some reason

there it is easier to experience everything easier, because the significance is less. yes, here the significance is greater, but now, if you twist after our meeting today, that losses are possible in your personal life. you will calm down a little. and then, when you calm down a little, and this pain will not completely go away. she'll just get smaller. from the realization that the wife, maybe the former, yes, marry someone else. that's when you'll understand. do you appreciate something in it or not? or is it just this selfishness from mine. i understand, yes, valuable to you we'll be back a little earlier. do you remember some such moments of absolute happiness in your life as a spouse, of course, but in the very first place is the birth of children. well, i’ll probably say that especially the first daughter, because this is the first child and on the ultrasound i find out that this girl has tears in my eyes. and i'm like some kind of stereotypical thinking boy boy, there, i'm a ural man, girl everything is great happiness. in general, i wanted exactly two

children and before the birth of children. it was i who was present at both partner births. this the fact that this unforgettable supported such main, probably, moments, but also the time we spent the first time. i am now telling you about the end of our life together. she accepted, perhaps i also took more quiet leisure activities somewhere, but then just each of us felt that well, we can’t go through ourselves already, and i need him, that’s what she needs. this is what they decided was bad. or maybe i'm asking you, mikhail and if then when they felt that they were accumulating mutual irritation rejection and so on, they came to a psychologist, it was possible. what do you think, that's why i said, yes, that it was important to work with this conflict before, therefore, if you really came to a valuable specialist, and the likelihood that you are this conflict, and this conflict is once again liquid, only in fact on one eba.

a statement that spouses should have the same values. and what if they are not there, then this is bad. you see, if you have worked with this statement and realized that it is not necessary to always and in everything have the same values. maybe the value of delicious food there is already enough to live the value of your two desired children, conceived by human beings, everything must be there. why does everything have to? yes, if you then and you and she realized this, you would have been much more likely to stay together, but here i would, frankly, look at your spouse separately. because i now see you as a whole, as a fairly sensible person, and the fact that natalya tried to leave her wife there, yes, to show you. how is it some, then deviant male. no not like this. i gave him the opportunity to show him that he is completely different. here, then, respectively, but the wife and there you can talk. perhaps

yes oh yes, including about some kind of deep depression, because if a person sits like this, all the reals lose a lot of time on this. i don't know. yes, i'm not even asking fat people. it doesn't get fat. it's not there and it 's not there. okay, but this is one of the signs. yes? the fact that a person has a stressful or sms-type state is one of the signs. not the fact that this is so, but here i would be in her place if she is walking now, yes, in fact, she also noticed if she was running away from some kind of illness, seriously. because this happens quite often when they parted, it was now a stormy emotional or somehow calm already. here, of course, the point of no return is very loud conflicts , the participants of which were involuntary children, that is, two small children hear everything perfectly. when we calmed down,

we were very sorry and promised each other not to happen again. children are not supposed to hear this, but it was repeated over and over and in some the moment we realized that, well, this can't go on. and now it was precisely the conflicts that became the extreme point, uh, which naturally came from what i was talking about, they flared up right out of the blue literally, yes, or was there always some reason, is it already? again, absolutely on point. they just clung to each other, apparently, they understood that well, there can’t even be family life. and that's exactly what we decided. here uh, people live for the sake of children continue. eh, joint existence will be called there. and so, but we decided to leave for the sake of the children, because that, well, i can't go on like this how to count mikhail this is stormy. uh, a violent reaction , violent conflicts say nothing about the fact that the relationship has really already been irretrievably destroyed, or vice versa, that they are not indifferent to each other. and it just screams, their some kind of pain. there's some sort of, well, they got confused, what they are talking about, they generally say that

there are two types of conflicts. yes, there are constructive conflicts. uh, emotional constructive conflict when we go out, uh, so, uh, well, with someone on you and try with through conflict, such as raising your voice and cursing. well, stay inside pretty calm person. we're on to something. constructive yes, indeed most of the conflicts in this world are not constructive, but rather emotional, hence the conflict itself. he is, uh, neutral, the question is what kind of emotion led to him, and he can work with these emotions, realizing that the cause of the emotion is not the behavior of another person. and there are our beliefs that this behavior is bad, that such behavior should not be. and that i am such a wonderful beautiful such behavior is unworthy, but these beliefs, they do not

correspond to reality, since you have such a spouse. so, the names of this are worthy at the moment of life. want to change something. that's the behavior, maybe it's normal, statistically it's not good, it's not bad. yes and so, if we realistically look at the behavior of other people. we are not captured, negative emotions, they cease to control us, because we just begin to control and here. opportunity appears or get into conflict. if we think that it will be better this way, and then it is constructive, or do not enter into it. yes, but not because i'm afraid of conflict, but because i thought that it was better to reasonably rationally calculate what i'm telling you about now, just so that you read it for the future is called cpt, there are a million cognitive behavioral therapy books on it. it's just very common right now, because it's evidence-based, very rational without any. there is an esoteric of cards, as it is now some psychologists like to lay out and

others, this is nonsense, some pseudo- psychologists. well, people who call themselves psychologists. yes, such is the story, so even if you are not growing, first, give yourself time. because, well, that just a month and a half ago came off. give me a year, but you have all this achievement, i came off. so i must now find myself a woman no. you actually, that's even if it's just the usual tutorial there. yes, the grief of loss has several stages of experiencing this sea, live it, and it immediately jump somewhere into some new relationship. you understand what you want. well, give yourself time. this is a podcast of the psyche in our studio, the hero vadim, who left his hometown, leaving his wife and two children there, but are still looking for the image of his wife, so that you now tell your wife. we now

uh-huh can now do. i'm honestly not sure if i'm ready now for goosebumps. if only they would call now to tell them. what's his name? zuhra she has a very unusual name, but of muslim blood. in principle, you can call again, but i it takes time to digest this now. i now have you have no idea how many emotions. you have me sitting now. i'm shaking right now, honestly sincere, and i just don't know what to say now, i need to think about it. i think that's another important point about the script. remember i said, yes, that people usually see only two scenarios, either this or and often they do not see the third scenario, which is called i refuse to make decisions and act, because people again most often either i act either yes, there is a third option. i don't act at all. i give myself the right to stand

still. here in this state to get ahead or not to get ahead. i don't want to be in a relationship right now. i give myself permission. they will come themselves, thank god. you, for sure, have a plan built there. now i have it i have three dates a week something like that. here, yes, no need. here. well, that is, you can, but try here is a 30 scenario. i don't even think about relationships right now. you know what it looks like, like to eat on the train for a long time, by the way, i didn’t go, but i’m reading student times , imagine that you sat down in a merchant’s, you just sit, you do nothing, and the picture rushes by. and i love this time so much. she ’s just what she was talking about now, mikhail for me perceives it this way, you go , you don’t think about anything. you come to the machine, people move the car, the boy plays with the dog. it started to rain, then the sun, nature changes. you just watch, you just give yourself an ace

, life goes on, and you are on a pause in order to comprehend, overload and somehow relax. i know what i want to tell you, no matter how evolved further. your life. you are from zuhra already deeply native people, because you are connected by your common past, you are connected by your love passion. most importantly, you are connected by two children. i think it's kind of related. you are not blood relatives with her, but since we are through children, it is very deep, and it seems to me that this should be respected and appreciated. you are already relatives and nothing will happen in this world that will cancel this common past of yours, which was beautiful and beautiful friends. we really do not know how the fate of our hero will turn out, who, for example, is very nice to me, and i would like that no matter how his life develops, so that in this story. in the end, everyone was happy and one and his ex-wife. zuhra have two children. let everything turn out as

it should and it will be good. well, i think that a significant part of the conflicts arose in the relationship between the led caviar precisely because they tried to be always happy always and so that everything would always be fine with them, so i just call on adult positions and yes, strives for happiness, but not requires that it necessarily be a pain that does not tie a word to happiness to words. i so want. yes, that is, as you wish, it is not necessarily good for you and for those around you to only show the future. in fact, what gives you something is the fulfillment of your desires and an important part of our meetings here - this is still an easy summing up. vadim, if you are in a few words for yourself, but tell me what's new what's significant did you take the first moment out of our meeting, i'm

really in a hurry that you say a month and a half here already you know how many dates i had. that is, i'm too , uh, quickly trying, i guess, to forget and find some new love. i just decided for myself that if i fall in love there it will be forgotten, but it doesn’t work that way, as it turned out. uh, it's the first time they've recognized that it doesn't work that way. yes, and changed the behavior a little, then, yes, from now on, it will probably change, let's say so for this level. hello, hello every day the second moment, in the course of communication with you , i had such an idea that i still sits as if feeling guilty , uh, i’ll tell you in a nutshell what i’m talking about, uh, so i left, and i myself decided to start a family, well, mutual means, probably, i should have followed. here is the family code here. now i understand that i have a feeling of guilt. i couldn't do that. i had to observe very cool, what did you say? and here it is important right in one sentence. i will help you - i will try to help you with this feeling, there is no guilt to work

. the family code is a general example for everyone. do you understand? no. it turned out that you zuhra and your ex-wife are different family cones. that's all. you didn't have to follow her family code, she didn't have to follow yours, but again. if you did this about two years ago, perhaps, perhaps, not a fact, you would have the opportunity to create a common family. that is, it would be good to agree. well, i don’t know if it’s good or not, but it was such a probability and now it remains just a little bit different. that's why this feeling of guilt is actually unproductive even once. yes, of course you are entitled to it as a person. alive, but it is better to relieve yourself of this full responsibility. yes, because there is responsibility, also for the bison. it was a podcast of the psyche, in which i am a journalist natalya loseva and a candidate of psychological

sciences, a clinical psychologist. mikhail khors unravel the complex entangled situations of our heroes, all episodes of the laps podcast project, see on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. to be honest, i want to tell you, i still can’t understand how i want to return or want to find new ones. i came here with a request that i want to find a new one, but so again, yes, the third option. don't ask yourself to make a decision , live in this duality. so you can, well , you know, she probably won’t accept me, that is. well, yes, i'm done, stop. if you just don't know. what will be known in the future painting now you have a new life, a new city, achieve success , maybe in a year you will receive one in a white mercedes yes, and there too let her be a little bit on her own thoughts , feelings were now hurting both of you. well, it hurts. now let it be good. thank you

very much. thanks a lot. this podcast is a must read. i'm aglaya for batnikova. director, writer, today my guest is anastasia tolstaya, a specialist in nabokov, a literary critic, an english-to-letter translator and writers , a screenwriter , andrei rubanov. nastya, please tell me, is nabokov an american writer, as he called himself, or a russian writer? this is a difficult question and in fact at oxford, where she taught for a long time, he fell between these chairs, because the english department said that this was

an american writer; in russian they said that this was an english writer. in general , they practically don’t teach it, because they don’t understand how they can’t figure it out. yes, yes, but in fact he is both, because, of course, he gave the first part of his life and career in russian, and only after moving to america did he begin to write, or rather, no, he wrote one novel in europe and true life is called, but then all his remaining novels were written in english and, of course, there are a lot of them, especially in lolita. i think we will talk about this, but they are connected precisely with america with american life. well, that's where it all came together.

well, after the revolution, nabokov migrated to europe, then he left europe for america, and when he wrote in russian he had the pseudonym sirin vladimir sirin, and so he was known among russian emigrants and it turns out that he wanted to enter, probably, a different audience on the world market and began to write in english, conditionally speaking, in order to establish himself exactly as e world write or yes. and so to speak to step over your audience. expand it, we can say so. well, of course, yes, although, as i think that every writer strives for this, but not everyone succeeds, but if we talk about when he wrote in russian, and now he was writing under a pseudonym, and he chose a pseudonym, because, and he wanted to distinguish himself from his father, because everyone knew vladimir vladimirovich nabokov, who was the main vladimir of the magazine. yes, he was the editor-in-chief of the rudder magazine, er, and in which bryansk magazine immigrant wife, when she came out in berlin in the twenties, and he was a very famous person. eh, and nabokov published his first stories earlier

in the steering wheel. and so that no one would confuse them. he did not blame moscow, yes, yes. so he chose such a pseudonym for himself, and he actually became a very famous interesting fact. e. that name vladimir nabokov is precisely the literary name vladimir nabokov, he signs lolita for the first time and it is interesting that in the preface to lolita he himself writes about what he first wanted, uh, anonymously to publish this novel under, uh, some kind of pseudonym, but then he decided that this mask would hurt him much more than it would do him any good, and therefore he resolutely signs this novel with his real name. and after that , it is already becoming a global brand that they are vladimir nabokov and all his old novels too.