[000:00:00;00] on ivan the terrible and i am the history of cinema natalya ryabchikova and with me in the studio my colleague film critic, artyom sopin, artyom what happened next the shooting of the film uh, about uh, actually began in february forty-three and uh, continuing tension 43 44 and the fact is that at that time the evacuees in alma-ata studios were gradually returning, but , uh, there was no longer any need to interrupt the shooting in the middle, as it was in the forty-first. and here they already planned the production in such a way that a director finishes a film in alma-ata and a new one starts already in moscow zinshtein. today i didn’t finish and didn’t finish, because the long difficult shootings have already actually all returned to moscow from einstein, already one of the last ones he stayed in almaty in the forty-fourth year. and uh, because the question arose that one series should be completed before the others. and it is important that in almaty 3 episodes were filmed in parallel and, uh, here , after all, uh, they completed filming, the missing

prices of the first series returned to moscow. on the fifth, the shooting of the second series continues. while the first is being prepared for release, and i must say that everyone knows, probably, that the first series received the stalin prize, and the second was banned for 12 years, but it is less often mentioned that in the first series were censored bills quite serious. eh, there, eh, right at the end he creates. this is the most oprichny army. that is, he ceases to trust, no matter who you are , surrounds yourself with this flock. in general, almost such a pack of wolves. and in general. uh, leave these well-trained people around you and it was quite scary there, judging by the photographs that have been preserved and published. uh, the terrible scene of the guardsman's oath, when the son of the chief guardsman alexei basmanov speaks, fedor says, i renounce my father from my mother for the sake of the russian kingdom of the great, and actually

composites were built there in this way. what, uh, this son looked at his father, his own father, who led the oprichnina army and said i renounce my father from my mother and then turned to ivan and spoke for the sake of the russian kingdom of the great but more and more puppy looked devotedly. these are separate frames. static preserved they are published. and uh, actually. it was clear that what he was saying was supposedly for the sake of the russian kingdom. although in general. the parents of the motherland do not oppose things, and we, as a rule, but here, but it is important that he looks at ivan and this is for the sake of the russian kingdom. we understand this great one, that he gives a commentary with a glance, that he interprets it differently than it is written in the text. this was very important for eisenstein because that after that experience with the ban on a film about a village in the thirties, he realized that it was not necessary to carry everything in text, that it was necessary, uh

, to do some things related to to a greater extent and just finish it through plastic, but he uh- uh, here, it seems to me, the most interesting part, at least for me, in the first series, but removed it, but inserted it into the second one , this is the prologue about little ivan yes, and it seems to me that it is very interesting in the second series, it lay down like memories and uh, he tried in the second series, in general, to put everything that is possible, everything that can be censored, but it is also interesting in terms of how the plot develops, how we non-linearly talk, but we talk. well, like in a detective story, but we 'll see there now, a flashback, and not of course , this is a delay in filming. she , among other things, contributed to the fact that we have a colored

fragment, and ivan the terrible . and actually, of course, this terrible image of this screaming oprichna, who shout burn burn burn, burn. actually, before that, they are urged on by ivan who starts just the first to exclaim burn. they pick up like by the same time, everything else - this film was already filmed in black and white, and therefore, in particular, after the color episode, there should have been a black and white episode of the murder of vladimir starinsky. one of the main episodes. as a matter of fact, the second series and uh, so there had to be some kind of transition from einstein invented in such a way that vladimir staritsky at the end of the color episode was already about to go to the cathedral, where, uh, as he

understands, murder was prepared for him. and in general, why does he understand this, because he knows that they are going to kill the king, but the king has dressed him up in royal clothes, and therefore he goes there instead of the king. you understand that he does not go to his death right away, because he is drunk and not very drunk at all, but this is how sobering up is relevant. they hunt, and when he comes to the door and realizes that he now has to go there into this blackness, then such a huge blue spot floats on him, like such a harbinger of death. we can see this transition to black and white. and by the way, in the original copies of the imprinted operator by moskvin, at first, unfortunately, now we can’t see it, but what he saw there was painted blue in a single color, so through this blue there was a transition to death. here's to this topic, e murders, but then the episode went on in black and white. e

of the murder of vladimir staritsky, which begins with the fact that vladimir walks for a very long time with a candle of property. at first , everyone wanted to build the scenery in such a way that there was a very long passage. uh, and uh, he even developed approximately, and the composition of this pavilion, in which and and uh, then uh, in general, it was clear that it would take so long to shoot these are melodically very difficult, because you need to build this one. very long, and the passage on the other side. this, in general, would cause again all the same accusations of formalism, that it is too much this revels in this anticipation of death. although he, of course, does not get drunk, he just immerses the viewer in some such trance state as he wanted, at least he left it to do so after all, a rather long passage, then, of course, not so long, but still this is this immersion into the darkness boris volsky who was the sound engineer on this film memoirs, they write that eisenstein was asked

to record music, which is like this, soaring, then fading, write it down. and so that she either comes out louder, then comes out quieter in the rhythm of labor pains , this is the indication that he gave for what, because everything is added together with him. this is the way to death. this is a return to the womb, mother and earth yes, on the one hand, this is such a psychological tractor, what is this move, and on the other hand, it is quite such a plot realistic. yes, an old man returns there. where did this come from and the lighting shows how he walks with this candle, and such a column of light falls on him

and is shown in music and in sound. it looks like something out of a horror movie. this is the story of how a person is longer and longer longer, staying here on this royal throne. he is getting more and more crazy. and uh, at the same time, of course, we understand that in those years, uh, zinstein. uh did, a very brave civic act. uh, thus, he actually expressed it to stalin, because he understood that stalin is waiting for another, that stalin is very zealous about this plan, and there is even such an apocryphal neopographer. there are memoirs of one of the actors that, allegedly, on the set of einstein, having heard a question from a member of the film crew. what is it, what is it

, ivan the tsar to repent? well, thunderstorms, well, what did he, uh, well, kill someone. well, it happens to kings. and what did eisenstein say right in front of the film crew to en, here, stalin killed even more people, maybe he will look and also repent , it will start like that. on the cellar more, yes, although on the other hand. in general, uh einstein's authority was indisputable to the film crew and, on the other hand , creative. here is the state of it, of course, well, that is, at least in the memoirs of one of the actors this story is, but there are also memories of watching the film . that everyone who watched understood what he initially wanted to say, but they couldn’t say it out loud, but he spoke. and why do you think that there is something wrong here, i can remake mikhail bein. here it's a feeling. who is ivan ivan as stalin

yes, it prevailed. it seems to me that on the other hand here, if it were a pan-flat showing, uh, stalin through the figure in grozny, then he would have remained in the forties, but this film, and therefore it is important, that there is not a single layer, here and historical art. here it is such a very e. a big pie, uh, and very tasty for any spectators. here, uh, you don’t have to read all these subtexts, and einstein deliberately creates so many roll call and different cultural currents, which in general allows this film to be perceived as some kind of labyrinth through which the viewer walks and finds something, it may be that if einstein did not leave it there, but, by the way, the labyrinth is like since what eisenstein wanted to put in there, because for him a detective story, as a form of telling a story, as a form of following a story. she is especially important at this moment. in principle, he

loved detective stories from childhood, he talked about it , forced students to read already in the twenties years, but it was terrible for him. this includes such an experience of creating a detective. no no. in the sense that, uh, ivan is investigating the murder of anastasia, she, of course, also does that. we have a small fragment, just related to anastasia. and you can look at the podzharsky kaz for a long time and shoot the head, the king of david did, the very root of the head will be unhappy. it is not possible to root out boyar treason by the root without bloodshed. like

a horse from a king without a bridle? and who is the king against the enemy stands firmly? and here is the king majesty raises, sorry. the faithful servant rejoices on the path of the great service, and actually, as it is said here, that the kingdom cannot stand without a thunderstorm, then how ivan consoles himself, how he justifies himself. uh, the fact that e is a king, he cannot but be, terrible but a similar temptation of power, in general , the profession of a director also gives, and in this sense, and it is significant that eisenstein is not only even uh, thinking about possible prototypes.

ivan, taking individual features. he also relied on his acquaintance with the dead, who was in many ways such a director. demiurge director tyrant. in general, uh, and uh, at least they threw it at a wonderful historian, they have, before konstantinovich kozlova, uh, the hypothesis that this is, in general, to a certain extent, a portrait of emerhold in the role of the terrible because there is even a similarity of the photo we even know that eisenstein took the rings that belonged to meyer during the shooting. which svirshubs had once from a svirshu documentary filmmaker was a secretary, but meyerhold and now she had for some reason these rings on the other hand uh from einstein as a director and he himself understood what this art of power is, and he remembers, while working, just on the e scene of ivan's childhood for the script , he remembers how uh hmm he himself is the first

time on while filming, he yelled at the film crew and about how he was still shooting a car. at some point, he screamed. eh, hmm arranged. uh, the scene and i thought that now all the film crew would just turn around and leave and say, but someone is such that she screams at us. and after that it turned out that no, it turns out. it works and it turns out that after she yelled at the group, everyone became absolutely, like silk everything is performed by einstein stuffing everything into grozny. he also writes in some place that grozny is similar to his father, who has such a safe cop made himself too. sometimes memories of father terrible, on the other hand, are here, and ivan is a little bit of zenstein himself, or eisenstein a little bit of ivan. he also manages, he also collects, and he reads reality in different ways, and in principle, for eisenstein the terrible , this is such a mirror that reflects the rest heroes or a hero from a mirror that reflect

ivan. here is some kind of structure where and all those who surround ivan are actually part of his personality, and anastasia is understandable. this is his good side, yes, kurbsky, who actually plays from mikhail named. he is generally a reflection of ivan, he is the moon, as einstein wrote to the sun of ivan indeed. i even wanted to draw the corresponding images on the armor. we have a small fragment, a bracketed throne. who is anastasia and in general, the first series appeared on the screen quite safely in january forty fifth and e, a year later she received the stalin prize, just this year, when work on the second series was completed. after that, he had a heart attack because he knew that

stalin would now look at the second one and something would happen already in the kremlin hospital. he learned that the second series will not be released. e on the screens and uh, hmm, stalin, in general, could be said to be furious, because, and when a year and a half later, yes, eisenstein and stalin met, and cherkasov was at this meeting. well, the members of the bureau fired, and stalin began the conversation with words, and in history was at least read a little, to which einstein replied a little read. and in general , it was further clear that stalin already prefers to turn to the cherkassians, who held much more uh, so correct in relation to stalin but uh. the fact is that here historically, of course, we understand that in general this is a film, uh, in which some accents are shifted not in order to break the story a from einstein right in the historical commentary. to the partially published script, he writes that, uh,

this episode was actually different, but in order to bring out the character, the true true nature of the character. there is no timing to show each biography of each character, so individual events are displaced here, just in order to reveal the true essence of historical processes. actually, he didn’t write about it, then charlie chaplin said because what infuriated the members of the polyveron, the artists of the world noticed the second series already in the first series, which was only available to them. yes, there jules-ve writes him a letter, a still in the winter, and forty-five it seems, here, uh, what a wonderful government that allowed such a wonderful film to be made the second series, fortunately, it came down to us, it was saved. and e in the fifty-eighth year it appeared on the screens, the third series, on the contrary, did not reach us. we have a script that has been published and, in general, we can form a certain idea. how this idea developed and, nevertheless, what they managed to shoot for the third series in parallel,

was filmed. in general, except for tiny pieces. eh, almost everything died after death in the life of einstein at the turn of the forties fifties, and it is very important that this film is really such a complex work. and here, uh, this is u involvement in many processes and this is an invitation to creativity, because here, on the one hand, it seems, yes, we see the history of a certain person. well, first of all, on my own. this is the story of a man who, under the burden of power, goes crazy. it is almost as emblematic as the story of othello macbeth or e. boris godunov on the other sides. there are so many artistic touches here that are not necessary. nagy that can be touched upon while passing through this labyrinth, and therefore it is interesting for the next generations to walk through it. in fact, many more years to come. eh, let's hope people will

take on more and more interesting features from this film, students sometimes ask. but, in principle, why do we need this, uh, so long ago, but unfinished, and i usually tell students that eisenstein, uh, invested so much there that we can from this pull out what we need, but each of us is already a little creator, we work with media yes, we take photos. we shoot a video, we paste something there , we add something, and what eisenstein makes color into color. yes, for us, it may be too difficult. maybe we won’t do it in reality, but to know that this is how you can know that you can record music like this. it seems to me that this is something that is still superimposed on these plots of some kind. the thickness of knowledge about those periods that are affected in the film and in its history creation, and then how much it really is a film for those who see rather deeper or want to see deeper. it seems to me that this is

really such a little, uh, intellectually educational and at the same time fascinating discovery, because yes. in general, uh, he is both right and wrong, because just, uh, here. this is, uh, the desire to see that every viewer has it, and the film invites to this. it was a podcast from eisenstein 125 in the studio were historians, but natalya ryabchikova and kenere, artyom this is a podcast of the psyche. my name is natalya loseva, a journalist to my co-host clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences mikhail khors hello and our today's guest anastasia anastasia, we tell you what led you to us. i came to you with such

a problem that i started having panic attacks, you were diagnosed. yes, unfortunately i didn't. i am now striving for this in order to find out exactly with the professionals what is happening with me, but according to the descriptions and the very sensations , this is exactly what is happening at the beginning of this year, but i reached my peak when i realized that something had to be done. it is necessary to change something when i was just filling out the documents for a visa. well, it would seem that some ordinary documents that are constantly filled out. i saw the list. uh, there were a lot of documents to prepare. and my body just froze. i couldn’t breathe, and i slammed the laptop shut, just threw it away, and for about an hour i tried to breathe and meditate. that is, i just didn’t know what could help me, so i’ll think meditation immediately dialed on the phone, listened and tried. here is to breathe. and after that, for several months

, i didn’t have such moments of problems now. well, it started literally a month and a half ago, but on an ongoing basis, the most terrible thing, probably, is when i’m lying down and i can’t get up, as if my body is just, but paralyzed, but inside everything is like that, that is, well, very scary feeling. eh, it's not lazy. when you're just lying down, i don't want to get up. and you want. you have everything right here, like this, just like that, as if in the soul in the region of the lungs. i don't know how it is explain the nerves, and there are also a lot of thoughts in my head, and they are just on top of each other , there are ideas and experiences, that is. a very huge stream of thoughts, which i seem to be unable to cope with, well, that is, you are in such a slightly disassembled state , excited all the time, something is bothering you. what else is going on in your life? how does it reflect. this is your state of communication with your loved ones with yours, i don’t know your work almost a year

ago, i was in brazil, uh, i have a brazilian ex-husband, a son and a translator from portuguese. yes, i'm a translator and uh, i went there to pick up my son and decided to stay longer to work. it just didn’t work out for me as my husband , yes, the former, and the child was born in this marriage in moscow, and he was taken away there. he is not here. dad just took it. meet the family for 3 months. and after two and a half months i went to pick him up and thought to work somehow. i have a block in portuguese to shoot. well, in general, i had such emotions of expectation. very overpriced from brazil itself and i didn't succeed. but i didn't have what i didn't have it turned out to work to find the rhythm of life among the brazilians, they have a different one. well, they are slow, they can negotiate 3 months. that is, i came from russia where everything is clear there. we are filming there in a week, they can

call for tomorrow, but you have arrived. i mean stay. yes? no, not to stay, but just wanted to do something. yes, and at that time in moscow you did not have any work. well, no. i just somehow planned it all in advance, which is usually project work. well , yes, yes it is unstable. and yes, i didn’t succeed, but i didn’t have the strength. like this lowering hands. and, that is, if you compare it with my state now, that is, i have lost, as if the connection with myself, saying that you just need to thank. what is around there are all sorts of diaries where it is written. write down five pieces of gratitude, i can do it without any problems. and there i am grateful for my son , grateful for my family. and i am grateful there for the sun, well, that is, for what you had in gratitude. but the meaning, but inside i or i know, of course, i promise that they don’t understand, i don’t understand, i lost mine inside now, like we don't know it's anal emotionally. yes

, i have a young man, but he is from europe and no matter how hard it is, it turns out the distance at a distance is difficult, it turns out to be understandable to support. that is, you seem to be hung up to some extent. yes, between heaven and earth. i didn't even hang up. and i'm like, well, i'm in such a simple state. all right, down below. look, michael, someone will listen. maybe now the strange story of our heroine. well, what are you more interesting to yourself than yes, what are you fantasizing about? well, you're drowning somewhere hung there somewhere, right? well, aunt is good to eat, and that there are relatives have a child? well, what are you telling us here. this. i think it's very. maybe this is a philistine view, very popular. well, about this problem, what happens to our heroine, and our

heroine has a crisis. just a cruise. you see, the crisis is a crisis of self-determination, a crisis of some personal internal. yes, you change and grow. become more mature there are some expectations that you had there yet a few years ago, partially, maybe not embodied or completely yes, a crisis, but our heroine, for some reason, decided that in her life the only wonderful anastasia in the world should not have crises. what if anastasia decided that to get out of the crisis right away, then everything needs to come out at once. here she is 28 years old. this is probably the first crisis in your life, no. i had, uh, a crisis, uh, it started before pregnancy. i had a rather difficult relationship with my ex-husband emotionally difficult and then i had such a difficult

some kind of unhappy condition , which, in principle, now they would say depression, and that’s it, then a child was born, and i’m happy, i never had that i blame my son, on the contrary. he somehow betrayed me. uh, the same brazilian was, yes, yes, this same brazilian, and we broke up after the pandemic. i started going to a psychologist. i began to sort out my injuries. and that is, i had some kind of crisis , as if i was freed very quickly. and after that i was somehow insanely happy, somehow like this. here is the natural way. they just came to the conclusion that they had to grow up or something happened to you with me. eh? my ex- husband broke up every six months. hmm , such a temperament, yes, and why didn’t you suit him like that? everyone constantly has some everyday moments that this time it’s impossible to put up with them, and i’m the kind of person who keeps everything in himself, and

everything inside of me is seething, and i have a feeling that it’s not worth it wasting time going on. well, what everyday moments, that he didn’t clean his brazilian socks there or i’m going. you are ready not in this plan. here, no matter how weird. we got along very well, that is , we help cause his impulses to leave you the last thing was that he did not have enough space , we lived in my one-room apartment, but he did not have enough space to work. my son and i left in the morning and returned at night. that is , i walked with a stroller all the time, but he still had enough time to work, it was crowded, stuffy, and so on, and then after that he worked at home. yes, we worked with him. he edited and i filmed. and you earned too together. yes? that is, he did not have any separate income of his own, but was somehow discussed. uh, such an idea, for example, that he will go to work somewhere else, well, he will give , for example, private hands in portuguese, go badly a native speaker, and you

will rent a bigger apartment. you will rent, for example, and he will have a lot of space or such a solution . yes, adult male. let me make some more money if i don't have enough places come to practice well ahead of the future like yeah and right now a wife and uh 'cause i don't have enough space. we just uh at some point i was already tired and i had more powers of conception. thanks to my son, that i need to be happy, i didn’t have a goal to part with him, initially, of course, i told him in my teeth they tried to save families. yes, yes, i told him. look, we have two options. we either part with you, or let's go anyway. at least to the psychologist we will try to figure out what to do? he agreed to go to a psychologist. he said that's the problem. only i have problems with him. no. here we are somehow without a quarrel calmly, then after a couple of weeks, they decided to leave, but we are on normal terms , that is, as a friend, he is not a magnificent

person in distant brazil, but he was still here for a year and a half, we he helped me with us, he and the dog . here is the child. he helped me with the dog. he lived five minutes from the house of a well normal civilized divorce. but, apparently, you still did not get out of this divorce. and to put it mildly, happy. yes, that is , there are some worked out things. it seems to me from the relationship itself. i left. normal, looks like yes, i think yes, that's it now uh i have, if there are any injuries, then they are. hey, here are the triggers. yes, they say, they are also connected with my childhood, because i had a rather difficult relationship with my stepfather, and i followed many things, that is, what my stepfather did, my ex-husband did , too, for example. this fat her many times. yes, it was in the look. ah, there is such

a look, a little cold and mad. i recalled directly the look of my stepfather. that is, it's just emptiness and not love, yes, yes, such emptiness, and you suddenly saw a reflection. here, from the abyss, the topic has died, it's scary, but childhood injuries. yes, i just worked out the moments with a psychologist. and like my dad too. father dear tell him. my dad died when i was 16, that was a long time ago. not me. now, you won't cry anything. you can cry. i just understand that this was the only person who understood me emotionally and morally. he never pressured me. i'm the kind of person that you can't yell at me. he loved me very much. i don't know that he is my own, dad. and

i think that he is very i perceived him as just a man for some reason, who loves me very much. so you thought your stepfather was yours. no, he is very, i know that we are very simple. my mother had one husband, then there was another husband. and i thought that this was another husband of this very little for me, he turned out to be my own dad, and i always have why my mother told me that no one said this to your own. and how did you know that he is our real dad after he was the number they told me that, well, he is your dad. real and i never understood, like, why he is so to me applies? well, that is, i am a child, i did not understand that people understood that you felt with your whole body that he loves you. this is my god. that is, it seems to me, now the most painful thing for you is that you can no longer say. look, i know it's my dad. yes , i can't. so tell me, please,

tell me, please. tell me, i miss you so much. i'm sorry i didn't know. when he died, i didn't know that he would die either. well, 16 years is not perceived. how serious are you about this. he asked me to come to his hospital. i thought we are now, but here i am case is complete. i have a band there, i bought myself guitars. i came, of course, but i have a lot of guilt. i understand that here he is the only one who really understood me. i want to talk to him so much, i don't. well, nastya, well, you are mistaken. if he understood you, he would tell you that he is your dad. you see, he said, dad, he said he said, but we didn’t have a conversation, he doesn’t know that dad is next to him and thinks it’s very, so this man didn’t understand you in the world in which you are now thinking. and what is he understand you? well, i'm probably talking more

about creative moments, because it was the only person. it supported me in my work. well , of course they are, but it seems to me that you have found a very important thread. yes, that e thread, which possibly holds our heroine. between heaven and earth, or put the feeling that she is drowning, this is not a spoken, not lived relationship with dad and this discovery. yes, this mystery may be in this matter, perhaps, here for us to rummage, the matter is not in the discovery. it's about guilt. is there you take responsibility for these relationships. even though you were a child. he was your adult, dad, you know, well, he didn't say dad, dad, like, didn't hear him. yes, that's not how it's supposed to be said. he wanted to be my boyfriend, this question is for mom, of course. mom explained it somehow. mom why

didn't she know about it? well, somehow i don’t remember any specific explanation once again you were a child then, i understand this, no, you don’t understand. do you think that you then were an adult should not have been? yes, all this is to understand to bear, this one. no, you again were a child then. tell me, i was a child now, right? i did not know much and could not know, tell me, i did not know much. i couldn't know, i'm not to blame. it's my fault. dad, it's not my fault. that means you still feel guilty. you see, in words , say it’s not your fault, but then you feel like an adult. yes, as if you were supposed to do his job for dad. i'm not saying he's bad. i understand this with my head, she is not here, not here. this is where we begin to understand when we begin to pronounce it words. it's a way to manage your emotions.

here you come home, right in the bath. lock yourself from crying and right here a few times dad i didn't know, i'm not to blame. maybe our heroine has some kind of michael, a barrier of such a quality that there are unworked ones. this story of the relationship of love for dad and dad's love for her, maybe subconsciously goes , it seems that no one else will love her like that, really. nastya , no one will love you like that, as dad loves you. it's just not bad. will love differently just why is it a tragedy? this is not a tragedy. all clear. we are all in this situation, we dads love you there, yes, then it means they leave our parents and no one loves us like that anymore. but it doesn't matter if your child loves you. he will love you differently, but he already loves you. yes? well, well, this is also a great

love that men can bathe in. maybe not one else will also love you in their own way. but where is the trouble that no one will love you? as a dad, i have more trouble that i dishonestly understand myself. yes, and here here let's you and me now e as if now here now, as if not. now i seem to be going straight down on, but it scares me too. i understand that i am a son, that is, yes, everything you want, but he will not be a mother. well, i love him madly too. why don't you love yourself, as if i expect from myself, that is, dissatisfied - not good enough to hurt myself. the thing that scares me most now is that i can’t escape, as i said. from this state, that paralysis and seething, and these very panic attacks that

are probably human. here, uh, the maximum expression of this emotional disorder. so, it means that you said such a phrase, i'm there everything i want, don't let me, why? well, because it’s impossible to give everything, but in terms of love, i said that i have sincere ones. well, it's just not necessary. here you have these characteristics almost certainly present in speech. everything is not there. this is our unconscious, our psyche hears us and when we send these messages there. yes, everything always means completely it unconsciously begins to appreciate us. how so? everything is everything, i can’t mean, and i have to do this, something must be done to change. go to wording. you can do something. and you can not do it. and you can do it, but to some extent. and you can do it, but not now, but later with my son, since

i don’t have myself. here, study, study, i speak directly to myself. i can later i can not do. i may be wrong. that is, wait, the first rock. nasty your school people to yourself. she allows herself to be not enough ideal. and yes, and nastya thinks she’s perfect, uh, how she fantasized herself, but in fact she’s ideal, since it’s a fact, you know now, uh, what, for example , is in my head that it’s been almost a year since i left for brazil oh and i didn't push anything. this is nothing and everything. these are the words that go along. you see, when you want everything from yourself. it turns out that we didn’t do everything, which means that some kpi set nothing, you directly told yourself. here are the planks. i owe

brazil a year, well, yes, to achieve something and that's what i painted, it's clear that i wrote i should have a million dollars in the account there. well, let me, but i just don’t remember now, some indicators of subscribers and half a million dollars are well paid in this regard. you wrote to yourself to show me the effectiveness, no one came to you, no there is an evil person so adequate nastya and you did not fulfill them. i'm just what i am. although, when i say that i don’t observe any relative at all. now i also understand that i am wrong, because i am very strong growing experience resilience and that is this year, of ​​course i learned a lot from him it's nothing. no, i understand that this is a lot, and now it is important for you to get used to this thought. how do we get used to something? repeated many times, it is, of course, the main thing for us to repeat