you yourself have chosen your fate. sell ​​out of desperation over the cause. and remember how she could. shine and conquer. and betray oh, how she lived. and how she shone, but how quickly the star disappeared.

hello this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am a journalist, natalya loseva and clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences mikhail khors are trying to decompose the most difficult solitaire situations in life situations, our current situation is unusual in that the request came from the spouse alexander hello. hello, you have arrived. hello yes with your family your wife's problem. anna is afraid of all modes of transport, she is afraid of speed, and as i understand it, anh, it has already begun to cause great discomfort, great inconvenience, for your life, for your life there, travel differences. tell me, please, natalya mikhail please help. in fact, she is afraid of speed, it comes to hysterics, it comes to tears, the speed, which is 120 km / h 150, she

is even sometimes afraid of the sound of the engine of the car , the sound of the current does not start to go yet, it starts to increase there, and he is already starting to get hysterical, since the steering wheel not enough, but sometimes there touches. and what does it look like? ah, that's it, fear, scientists ' heartbeats, tears, panic, hands are shaking and it's impossible to cope with it, it's even impossible to be distracted by something. and i understood from what alexander told us when he asked for help. this is a great fellow husband who is so responsible looking for them in this situation, it’s great that it started out of the blue today. yes, tell me that there was a situation with accidents. and yes, i had situations when by car in the fall, it was a slippery road, slippery, country road and with friends they were driving. and it so happened that they were making fun of the girls trying to scare them, and in the end we crashed because of the fence behind the wheel, we weren’t a challenge

, i wasn’t sitting in the middle at the back and just at the moment. i only had time to put my hands forward, because i was not wearing my seat belt, and i had hmm, it was painful for my hands to take me out of the car. i'm watching everything survived. yes, now they are scared. ah, well, hurt my finger a little because i was cleaning. e, in front seat and they took me out of the car. and i just look at the lantern, and it floats me. that is, i had some kind of fear so sharply, i either started to lose consciousness, well , they streamed at all, right? i was 18-17 years old, maybe something else happened right away, yes, then in the same month i went to the shopping center by bus, i already started to get out, that is, i got up to the handrails and in front of me was a picture of the windshield that the car sharply

turns in front of the bus and the emergency bus brakes into the side. how to say stop? uh-huh and i'm already out too shaky legs. uh, i called my friends who were waiting for me - said, meet me. help. i can't go. i'm scared. well, that is, too, there were no casualties. yes, not very scary. there was an accident, but it impressed you. and then what were the planes, mom in childhood. she told me all the time. anya planes are scary scary to fly hmm well, that is, it was an aerofu. yes , but it has never flown. that is, she had it then she got a job where she flew on a business trip and the work is related to and is normal. yes, and already such anya is that all right? well, i overcame this fear of airplanes and saw enough videos that help. e with aerophobia. and in principle, two or three trips everything went

fine. until one case, when the plane e we went to the runways, we began to pick up speed and already at high speed. the plane starts to slow down. i already have hysterical panic trembling hands, we arrived at the parking lot. and that he ate the plane in the end, or he didn’t even take off naturally. he just slowed down. yes, one had a tantrum, and in for the first time it seems to me, yes, i looked at everyone like that. they sat as if yes, everything is fine. we arrived at the parking lot and waited for about an hour, they said that the plane was repaired, we could fly in. i’m already scared, because what happened there, that we braked so urgently and now take off again. we go to the acceleration lane, we begin to accelerate. it’s already time to take

off the speed even more and again braking and this time such braking that everyone starts talking screams, everyone already has tantrums, like in a horror movie, disaster films, we were sent wait at the airport. and then i called my husband and said, i won’t fly, i’ll die, because they will put us on the same plane, it will somehow be repaired again. and also you are not yet. i called directly, said goodbye to his mother, my mother also reassured me, my husband reassured me. i still couldn't help flying, then pour it like i did. and that is, you were not at home. you should have come back. i was returning from turkey, just in the end everything ended well. and yes, in the end, everything is fine when the episode is completely, i see, i think that i here's what i like to fly. i'm not an airport at all. that's absolutely. well, in this situation, i would behave in exactly the same way, as if, of course, i would be worried, because this happens

twice and there is something else to repair, that is, in fact, a normal situation. and now, so you and your husband can't even drive . yes, because it is possible that there is a relationship with me. it is very important. yes, say it again, out loud. anna can eat she can eat, right? so by car, but it's every time, uh, in my opinion, mmm her these tantrums. there some moments give emergency situations there, because it distracts me from birth. even moments of rebuilding do not save the full sitting next to you. yes, and not in the back seat, yes, yes, but that's why anna distracts you from you somehow quickly finale. why? did i say important? yes, because anna, uh, has a certain disorder, yes or a personality deformation. they will say the word sickness associated with panic attacks tied to certain triggers. and you

treat the horse like a healthy person who just stupid. well, yes, i understand that, i came to you to understand how i should behave in these situations. well, let me ask you a question about how to deal with a person who has the flu. he has a temperature of 38, he lies all over coughing. and you tell him, hey, my friend, let's go skiing, let's go with you. to the person who got the flu no, but i've tried in many different ways there, like it in the moment. there are fears to overcome. it explained what i was doing now. what is the situation on the road now happening there alexander wait, here michael gave you very clear example. yes, let's continue his example. a person lies with a temperature of 38 with the flu, what does this person need? yes, what does she want, but to explain that nothing bad is happening. you have a temperature, but in fact we need to open an article in our room, that means some kind of physiology there, yes, and see what temperature is. why

such a reaction of the body, it means now to read a lecture. so what is happening with the flu, you can still have different strains of the flu and say this, but now get up. explained everything. get up let's go. come on, come on, come on ski skiing. yes, good. one option that i tried, i just gave you, well, once again, i understand you, but the first step is to treat a relative. yes it is to admit that there is it. well, okay, let's call diseases diseases. here, it's just not a problem. yeah, it’s possible to get sick with something, but if a person has already become ill as a result of several traumatic events in his life, then it’s also important for him to give time to recover or recover, more precisely, because some diseases. they're like are corrected, and then there is a rollback, then we roll them back again. yes, so once again the first important step for you, of course, and for you. yes, there is a feature. let's go to anna's. this is what we call replacing the word disease. yes, once again we are not medically

transmitted. there is a feature. this feature is important to accept that it is. and i have a feeling that both of you. you know how i don't know, well, some kind of person. well, half a leg was cut off there, and he is like that, and i have to run cross-country, as if everything is in order with me there is no person with a disability with physical feature can run crosses, though, probably, there are a lot of things to somehow adapt there, he can, but he definitely won’t run. just as i would run if my leg was healthy, so uh-huh and in your situation, the same thing. do not expect yourself to snap your finger and sit down and you will sit down means back. there you will be less likely to get in the way. let's buckle up. that's all you want anya to sit in the back. let's just i'm talking about the fact that it is fastened. she's always strapped in always attracted from behind. wherever she always fastens. if somewhere

something is not fastened, she crosses to where it is fastened. excellent, she sits and go in front and in the bus behind and in the train when she sits in the train on the rails that she travels. clearly behind. you are even on the back of the subway train, because we are about to get started. i mean, what are you saying, she can grab me behind the wheel much from behind. no, she misses me behind the wheel. she can touch there. well, it’s not that i’ll press every one even harder no, but the tip of the type is like, like, yes, it’s hard to understand, it gives badly there, then it happens that it ’s just bad for trinity. no, that's not bad. why were they talking about it now? what is it that you wanted to say at the beginning about it hmm what is she doing? well, as if the emergency dangerous situation that it distracts me there, when i suppose the lane change occurs you need to speed up. i need to speed up, that is, i understand, i fixed it for myself there. what is the distance ahead of her to protect her from me, the car starts to look like in

the flow of wedges that arrives, we begin to drive, respectively, i control the distance there and the approach. and as it approaches, she sees a car approaching. we are cutting sash now. i always get distracted. eh, not in control. this stream was written clearly, as they say, what is at stake, yes. well , once again, if a person is sitting in the back and he is fastened, and we expect this from him. the likelihood of any emergency hazards is reduced. i'm not saying that it should end there. i say that's what it is when we this is how we expect events like this. yes, this is to accept that a person is like that. now, he's not another unhealthy, not scared restless. it means that in this situation he will show anxiety. if we are already ready for this, it is much easier for us to endure these manifestations once. second, if we think that these manifestations are very bad, it will be more difficult for us to endure them. and here guys, tell me,

please, what is going on. yes , these panic attacks are bad. mixes badly. yes? why does it mean because everyone gets nervous about me because of my reaction. we can't, now everyone is starting to get nervous because of me. well, look, you have your problem. she lies on you, as if crushing with a brick. and you, from above, most likely, piled on yourself a sense of guilt for the fact that everyone is nervous because of me, and this feeling of guilt intensifies your problem here, because you are already getting into the car. now everyone is going to get nervous. all because of me. i don't let everyone live normally. you begin to twist the nervous system. she's already stressed out. then the trigger surge happens. here's one. if you are with this feeling work guilt. i will now tell you how to lower

it. and, maybe, if you remove it altogether, it can also happen, then, getting into the car, you will be calmer and then you will have more chances to control, but at least your behavior is your state. well, wait, well , we are now talking to you only for some reason about the car. tell me about the subway. still, there are sections of the metro, or is it just a long-distance train, when the train accelerates strongly and any bump, i don’t know , the turn signal seems to start it very large stagger and speed. i can feel it right here, and i'm getting scared. and suddenly go off the rails, something else. eh, even there. here is a subway section, it is a red line at the bottom, when the train accelerates and starts to wind it in different directions and i don’t like to go there , i’ll do everything so that there are no people you know alive there in the fire. yes, there are no ancestors to bring up a sense of guilt, that's right. that is

, you there should not worry at all that you cause inconvenience. for some people, it turns out, it seems, as it should not. or maybe even worries yes sometimes. or maybe it’s not the inconvenience that worries me, but the fact that i ’m going crazy now, and how they look at me, how they think that i’m somehow wrong there, maybe that worries me. but once again, guilt is the top floor. there the problem itself is not separate, we are working. yes , but with this downstairs, the pressure is on us. yes, we can only work if we remove the top brick. eh, i feel guilty. it seems to me that i only have it in front of sasha precisely because i sit down and think, how can i hide my problem a little to get there calmly, and he will be calm and i will not try it. if we can help you work it out. you will say that this is the result of our meeting, of course, yes.

if you tell me, it’s just, well, a little bit of bait down there, when it’s just starting, there’s a group of time together, and i ’m on it there, these splashes there, well, as if i didn’t notice them, well, i reacted fine. well, be quiet, so i will go there to adjust, then when i realized that i had done these moments of requests, so to speak. i will get up again more there during the situation some. if i act, there, at her request , there is no way they will start there quickly there, so i won’t be able to keep up with traffic situations there. i started with a slightly firmer voice, reasoned, where i tell you what's going on. why am i doing this, then already these so let's say the preludes removed and just shouted. well screaming you will see because you had some kind of emotion. she kind of unfastened you and made you scream. no, i just remember there, the previous experience of such situations is that here these are the explanation explanations. there are long ones that lead to nothing, and then, well, i shouted and it seems like if the problem works, it decides to work

with new problems. decides to work in the moment . okay. well, it's like one fire on the other. yes? uh-huh valery petrovich police operation no more, honestly never. tomorrow you will see stasik tell him that i love him very much silver wolf, the final episode tomorrow after the program time my new passport is ready when i can leave. the causes of these health problems can become bad blood vessels drugs helps to improve microcirculation. reducing the risk of blood clots, removing inflammation and

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didn't have a free tinkoff platinum credit card before, and my life was a solid choice. but then i realized why choose. if there is enough money for both vacation and repairs , you will have time to get the best credit card before august 31 and get free service forever tinkoff he is one of a kind pin code, if a simple question has become a quiz, can help for lunch, it helps to restore memory and attention to the object, so that the head works. this is a podcast of the psyche of today's our heroes alexander and anna came by a joint request anya is afraid of any transport. and alexander really wants to help his wife. so, back to the feeling of guilt towards alexander, it is based on

your opinion that alexander is nervous about you because of the way you behave, this opinion is erroneous. this is not so alexander is nervous because of your beliefs related to how you behave, and alexander's tension will now be said without offense, exclusively selfish, not because of you. not you, the reason people get nervous is not because of the circumstances. and due to the fact that they think to correct the circumstances, now, if we think that what is happening now is just a misfortune, it should not be so. although in fact it already exists and we seem to live for years, then such thoughts will undoubtedly create tension even as your tension, when you get into the car and think that you should not show your peculiarity, can you show it? now , if you both think so, my wife can show such a feature that it can cause me, and some kind of danger, maybe

life is full of danger in general. so we periodically, as we do, there, she will tell me, like, sasha is not gassed there, and he will twist me. she says don't yell at me. i say, well, don’t tell me this is what it says , i should have said it by saying, i need to shout, like, you recognized everything as a reality , i need me like this, i would like that i would be different i can't, but i can't do it any other way, and i can do it that way too. but here's one of the techniques, for example, anger management. and now here you can shift it to outbreak control, which means panic. yes, it's to plan an outbreak in advance , you know, i get into the car, and i tell myself directly, i'm definitely crazy. i'm definitely sasha, i'm definitely crazy. be ready. i myself am ready. sasha is ready, everyone is ready, they freaked out, yelled, we go on, we live for the fifth year, as we live, you understand, and no one feels guilt for anyone, no, there. uh, hurt that

this is how it happened. it is always the first step to accept what is to accept it means to take it. here, take my folder. accept, you understand, and now i will accept from you, as if it is written in all the books that you must accept life as it is, as it is not written. and you took this and when you took that you can do something with it, while you're talking, you can't have a bad folder. she's something terrible here black ugly you will all suffer because of this folder. that's why it's always the first step. yes, about this one here is what to take hands, when in the picture she's distilling at the wheel, everything is fine there. go karting and drive slowly. wait, you're driving yourself on the map. well, yes, these are who i understand, who is holding the steering wheel? and how do you have a series like this in a picture like this so you see, yes, and it goes, how can everyone overtake everyone like everyone else. and i'm behind quietly, just driving, uh, i didn't finish my studies because of covid,

and now it's been 3 years. i'm not sure that i can even sit behind the wheel of a proud instructor. she traveled the playground. she gave up. well, listen, look, then, it is also a request for control, maybe for control and when you and this is who traveled through the mountains by car in the mountainous areas he knows for sure that sometimes you go, it means over a cliff. you sit, there is someone driving a car, you sit. ah, yes, when we blow it up ourselves, and when you get behind the wheel, everything is fine, so here's how one of the already behavioral methods. well, try to finish your studies, and then you will have more control , more peace of mind. let's think further then, and in other areas of life, this request for control for such a complete security is also present. i need to know exactly what time we will leave, where will we go? where are we going. this is what is important to work with. yes?

once again, this is the idealization of this control of the requirement that everything be planned, that it is impossible to do otherwise, that if we are late somewhere or do not do something from what is planned, then this is just a misfortune, that this is a nightmare. with these convictions you will work for the future simply, yes, how to work with them is the same as a feeling of guilt, we take certain convictions, like the state of sasha depends on me or i have to control everything and ask ourselves one simple question. and these beliefs correspond to reality or not. here is sasha a man who never plans anything and always does everything spontaneously. agree. something you plan to do something spontaneously so, yes. basically, probably, sasha just allows himself spontaneity in his usual planned routine. and you probably don’t allow yourself spontaneity , most often now i already allow it, because at the beginning it was not difficult, but now i the situation has more or less let go. so here 's the same thing. plan first. you can

use this again to plan for an outbreak of this fear in the car. uh-huh, on the one hand, because in the end. why are you so worried about her? because it's not planned, it's planned, because you decided that's it, this time i'm definitely not a psycho. yes, a psycho to talk about himself everything, so i have such a plan to freak out. and i would even give children a completely different example. here you are on the red line. i understand so, quite often, well forced no. yes , often, well, it happens that come you know exactly the place where the belt starts to accelerate. yes , how many times has this happened to you? well, five times for sure, that is, you know that for the sixth time and for the seventh and eighth, that the same thing will happen, he will accelerate, then what will happen to him yes, chat, and then to slow down to stop and you will safely arrive where wanted, what now embarrassed the word safely. yes, it does not help me these thoughts are distractions, then everything is fine. always

we always go here. mm. nothing happened. never even an accident that was planned such thoughts help if the disorder is in its early stages. now it’s just important to understand what you have there, well , conditionally progressed. this is your feature and you are now on a deeper side, if these thoughts do not help, then, well, certainly what will help you. this is the absence itself. that i’m so bad that i can’t cope with it all, you are already like that in the future is unknown. maybe you can and i can i set you up to work with this and you are likely to be able to correct it, at least, and maybe remove it completely, or certainly transfer it to the stage of long-term remissions. this is directly possible , here, but once again in order to do this, you need resources, do you burn in dissatisfaction with yourself or in guilt before your husband, or are you in fear that this will happen? i have a question from mikhail if anna will work on it. here is

this overcontrol of other spheres of life. could this have a positive effect? you see this fear there, this fear is closely connected with such a deep value as death in life. there, this is involved and therefore, if we talk about the treatment of such cases, then at some stage of therapy , readiness for death is necessarily worked out, and with death in our life today yes, in today's prosperous society, people really do not like and are afraid to face. right there 50 years ago, for example, a woman could give birth to seven children, of which half simply did not live to adulthood. and it was as a rule, people were ready for such an abundance of death. and now here is the abundance of our panic. these experiences of stress and so on. this is all due to the fact that we

live very well. and we are not ready deep down for death, as a normal part of life about death - this is a normal part of life, and secondly, we are not even ready for pain. because pain, as a result, leads to death , and hence this unpreparedness for pain, and then unpreparedness and even some discomfort leads to the fact that you are born a nation because, and give birth to children. if it is discomfort, he has already dug deep sometimes and stands deep. they are on top, so here is such a story of readiness for death, an important part of life. and here, tell let's talk about it. and what does it mean that the readiness for death is somehow ready, maybe sasha has such ideas? no, by the way, what michael is saying now is very called, and he really considers the sea to be such a rule for all ages and for life on our civilization yet that's for sure. yes remember me death very much deeply actually.

this is your problem, as we have already found out. rooted quite deep. here it is smoked. you can even give an example one more example i must say. there, last year, they rested at the sea, and there was such an effect after the storm, when the waves were big, which is cool for everyone to ride, there are children and adults there, it’s cool there, there are small children there, they looked closely, who was cool about these situations for sure important who you know exactly how cool. i was cool there everything about yourself and say, yes, about everyone. well, i'm a boy there, well, i can swim there, not a little one, always went there for a swim. there, not far from the coast, he knows that you can’t drag me there, i didn’t drown, there, besides me, there are many more, of course, an assumption. come on, and she is standing on the shore near some water next to her, she is worried. they call me to the beach. for

safety there, sasha, come here, i say, let's go to me here, waist-deep water, let's move away, where there are no waves up to the chest. you are healthy, no. i say it's not scary. yes, you say, it's not scary, you deny her fear. ugh fear - it is not an external state. it's internal. say no, it's not scary. it's not sick. you're all right, you, uh, let's go for a walk on temperature skis. no, no, let's go temperature. you can underestimate and you actually do it. it's just better to enter the reality in which you live, while you deny that feature. and anya herself denies it. i'm sure, i'm sure of it. here, but you can’t do anything about it, that is, in other words, in that situation. she could not help but be afraid, uh-huh, and psychologists, who say that if you have some kind of phobia you need to go and look into your

fear and do just that and at these psychologists. to be honest, i am ready to criticize mikhail khors. yes, let's leave it like this, therefore, if a person can meet his fear, dear colleagues, he will do it and without you. but if he came to you, this is already a fact that he cannot do this. this is a podcast of the psyche, where i am a journalist natalya loseva and mikhail horse are looking for ways out of the most difficult situations today's request came from my husband, who says that his wife is afraid of public transport. and the formula works. don't be afraid with you. is that working or not? we see that it does not seem to work. yes, the first flight, when we flew together on an airplane. she grabbed me, right there tightly clamped her hand very tightly, right there,

she never felt such hugs there. you see, everything is profit later, it seems, how we went through it there, yes, let's say there is the fact that she is holding her hand. everything is fine there about that incident in the airplane, which i needed to tell. there at the first braking situations. she is with a friend. she calmed herself in a different way, as she said, like that everything was normal there, she was more worried, and after the second there, the third entry, he had this flash well, we see, yes. there is a backlog for working with this another issue, it is important not to demand from yourself that it should go like this once and for all. that's all, if you have been collecting this in your head for years, give years to work it out from the bridge, there i jumped and a relative there at the age of nine, well shorter than a small child drowning there, who was drowning, saved from the water at a depth. well, by the way, i would have moved it there in a series of these cases. all the same, there was fear,

when you brought. i would go there too. this is also a person with potential. well, there was nothing left. how to decide. that's why you do it, firstly, it is also important to remember that you are solving these problems, just not as efficiently as you would like to anyway drive a car. it’s all the same there somehow, if your situation is not so neglected already on the train. i worked with cases where people in the subway can't even get down, and you can progress, she's progressing again, because there is criticism of this itself. this is history, and because instead of treating this situation, as you did, now is the first step. yeah, to this healing, you were trying to devalue it a little bit, like. well, now we'll talk. we will now agree on everything, and everything will be lay-la, as it was, everything will be fine. no, it won't, yes, because, uh, the virus doesn't know the bacteria there. whatever, you already need it. yes it is it is necessary already fix.