fried potatoes with bacon with onions, she throws such a rolling pin, you know, such a diamond. as in general, you will earn money, as normal men, you will have potatoes with onions. and i remembered about the school, do you remember when the teacher asks the girl of the class or rather, a. come up with a sentence where two words would be fine and the girl pulls. yes, there, katenka, please, and mom sewed a beautiful dress for me. i am his department and i look great in it. do you understand? well done there five, the second girl pulls her hand to me grandma baked wonderful pies. i ate them, i feel great, sit down. well, there's a five, mashenka pulls the hand yes, mashenka yes, i went up to my dad and said that i was pregnant. to which dad said fine just fine. yes, well, not like that, color, it sounds, uh, without a single word. listen, i

'll remember this anecdote something. well, here we are talking about the russian countryside all the time, i like people here, you know, like participants, in which i could have had events, in short, i’ll remember a joke, so here is the farmer. well, just imagine somewhere out there in a farmer works there in texas, which means he has a huge ranch there, and here such a dusty pickup truck, such a damn it, drives up and comes out with such a funny hat. there with this, with what acorns it fits, the sheriff is new , he is like that. hey, i'm the new sheriff of this state. i came to see if you have any illegal items. maybe you're hiding something in the barn, or growing something in the field, there or something he says, uh, you're the new sheriff. yeah , i see the new fat, you see the badge, it's a badge. i'm on embroidery, what do you have in this barn

he yes, nothing special this night, you see , i can go anywhere. i'm sheriff, i'm opening a new sheriff. it's a bar there. he opens. there are sacks, flour, and all that. so it's here. and what does he say to open firewood there. you see the icon. i can look anywhere. he opens firewood there. he says, and here what is below, he says, yes, there is a cellar, i can look where i want. i am wider. you see, i open this icon. he opens. there are some cucumbers and tomatoes like that. so, what do you have there on that field. he says, there, please, you don’t have to go, and you see this badge. wherever i want with such a quick step, i went with such a quick step, threw back such a rose, once because of a hillock, disappeared here, and after 3 minutes it runs and behind it a huge bull is so furious, just, well, throws it up, it flies up falls to the ground, and already the ass

is broken even faster the bull runs even faster for him. it's his eyes that are so huge on the farmer's badge. show him the badge. it may be somewhere once and was in general, that is, in principle, anecdotes, they are from life, and appear. considering what you and i did here today, roman yunusov came, i was left without a beard, lezgins, half the basis in general, where, as if for a casting, you know that you know something like pastrovsky. no, i'm going back to pranks, i remembered such a telephone. do you remember the phone, there were also phones. now, yes, now you see, they are popular, we did at someone's apartment, who had a phone dialed random number. and then i remembered such a telephone joke when a man calls, uh, called on the phone, says hello hello, this is a sauna. how can i

call? in three hours? i remember this joke when hello hello. it's 33-33-3. and the number it says, yes, could you call an ambulance. my finger discs are stuck. in short, i remembered you know a joke. i just have t-shirts today, so i decided to talk about football. not about a t-shirt, not about football. well, it seems, when when touch my breasts, touch my breasts, you feel you feel how my nipples have swollen and hardened. well, well, mikhalych, you're not supposed to. the second quilted jacket, well, it won't help. rotational anecdotes so rum e you and i are chatting here dear our viewers e we tried very hard to keep you in a good mood for another podcast of jokes. the big one has come to an end. thank you for being with us in a good

mood for you today, remembering funny stories. i am vadim galygin and roman yunusov burgonist yunusov and all the best, until we meet again. bye. this is a podcast of triggers, and today we are with you again. we are sergei nana and tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologists and psychotherapists. hello and today in our studio marina tell us what you came to us with, i literally had such a request. i recently realized that i am not aware of my femininity. what is it in well, about the fact that i am a manager and i have such a more masculine character. and, as it were, my position obliges me, as it were. still, keep yourself that way

lately. i'm trying to consider a woman in myself, yes, only a woman that i will like, what i should be there. and that's what, literally recently, i hmm realized that i i'm chasing some kind of a certain pattern of this femininity, a generally accepted pattern. it must be some kind of vanilla femininity there, yes, there is a vanilla woman, mimimi there, i don’t know, i hate those. so, i realized that this is not about me, but i'm chasing it, but it's not about me at all, and well , it's just one little man literally there a few days ago, a girl told me, she says, i like your femininity so much. she is special for you, she is different for you, and i realized that i mean her, i don’t see her. well, i mean, i don't understand what it is mine and i'm chasing some kind of pattern. that's for just such that i want to consider it. and apparently i don’t accept it, as far as i again understood from myself, if for some reason i chase this vanilla, according to you, you

are in control as a result of the fact that you have a masculine character or you still have a masculine character because you are in control. there will be no bad questions. i think one follows from the other. i have been on my own since childhood. since childhood, i have not been involved, almost my parents. that is, i has always been left to itself even somewhere right from childhood. some duties were delegated to me, which , in principle, are not suitable for a child. i mean , at that point, uh, so i think it's probably the one i've always been in charge of. i had to be responsible, and i was always the eldest, as it were, well, accordingly, i was in control. then , as it were, the logic builds up a little differently, because you started with the fact that i am a manager, and therefore i have a masculine character. now it's a little flips over. and as a result , it is revised, because, well, we need, of course, to detect some

determinism, and elements of the psyche, a determinism of the event of your past. yes, in order for us to understand, so to speak, where it all could have started and started, and you have younger brothers, sisters , younger brother, younger by 8 years. yes, i 'm 42 now. yeah, eight years, in fact, i grew up alone with my parents, so that you remember about it , i almost don't remember, and this period. some such small flashes there is some kind of new i don’t know the year there, some people went there to visit. well, here's something like that, i really remember myself, just the same, when i started to remember better, when my brother appeared. i abruptly became an older older adult. that's it, i've been here for 8 years. i was already an adult. yes, i don't remember, no, not

like that. come on, let's go visit. i'm mom dad. yes, how old are you at this moment, whom did you go to visit, what is happening right in the present tense. write friends of my parents, very good friends. there was a certain company there was just three or four families, i don’t remember exactly, and we constantly, if we were going to some holidays, events, especially on new year’s. for some reason, i remember the new year, it was just these families. we were children, i was, well, a girl and another boy, who is older than me, everything that i remember myself is sitting at the table at the table. they somehow communicate on their own topics there, who are in the same room, who is in the kitchen here smokes something else there. i feel somehow in my own kind of rka for some reason. well, i want to say some kind of mirok, that is, i go to them i don't relate. i myself play relaxed. but in principle, somehow here, but how would they describe you. here is marina with us, she is what an independent. that's the marina

will always put there take, yes hmm well , in the sense, marina is not going anywhere, you bet nothing happened to her. it looked like some form of how indifference in a relationship might seem. i still have a feeling, that is, that, well, as if unloved, probably, yes, she didn’t give scans there or somehow, i don’t know, like a girl. yes, i always feel like i'm it was may, and even as a child i always played with toys there, i don’t know, a machine gun, a ball, there was something like that, that is. well, here's a boy, it always seems that it was your choice, or is it still how you were brought up. this is most likely, it would not be mine, it seems to me. why do you think you could have chosen being a boy the first phrase that comes to mind? did the pope want a boy? did the father want a son? yes, well, somehow here in some

conversations. i heard it. that's not what he told me directly, that here, well, no, i i wanted a boy for the first time, i don’t remember this. yes, but in some that dad really wanted a boy. if i now ask you to imagine such a picture, imagine a separate department. a woman in labor is lying, and this is your mother. and so she gives birth and are born. here you see a little girl. what feelings does this event evoke for you? this picture is a picture, but i see, mom, here is a picture, as if here i am in my mother's arms looking at her and what do you feel? so you were born with a girl. here is your mother holding you in her arms. maybe they didn't know who would be born then they still could not put the floor, but before the birth. this is a surprise for them. mom is happy

for me. and dad dad is not around. well, when he sees you, what are the feelings of his fantasies, well , as if smiling, i would be a daughter, in principle, i see everything when dad came, when dad is nearby. well, just at some point, for some reason, you decided marina that you need to be a boy, that in order for dad to be around you need to be a boy, since the child is in general, in principle, and he is sexy, he does not realize his gender for a very long time, he does not understand . what is the difference boys girls there is only in relation to him adults. yes, girls are dressed up in pink boys are dressed up in blue, but the child does not have a sexual gender. in fact, when you asked me about who, there, who decided to become a t-shirt, that is, is it yours or

is it not yours? yes, i have returned, as it were, yes, and there is no such thing. well, who is a boy or a girl? just like i want to say that i'm a favorite child. well, in the sense, yes , the child is gone, while it is bespolvet, there i am, yes i am of my decision. no, i don't see it there. i have, well then marina grows, and at some point marina still, as it were, is confronted with the information that she is marina marina is not misha yes, and marina needs to choose somehow at this moment, but here marina chooses toys for boys. i will assume that at this moment your own rejection of the fact that you are a woman a girl at that time occurred, if so, what could cause this rejection of the female essence. so interesting, now in well, in my head there was

a picture like this and the phrase like this yes, dad wanted boy. mom wants to say that mom is cool, that is. well, the relationship with your mother is cool, but you feel more like dad. i want dad to be good. well, that is, my dad probably accepts me like that more. that's probably, yes, because this way he will understand more. why, he wanted it so much, as if it was clearer, as if he were a boy, and therefore this vanillaness is not clear to papa, how to deal with it, as if there is this feeling. mom is far from a vanilla person; in general, she was like dad loved mom. dad was soft. papa was kind, dad was attentive, dad did things that are still remembered, he yes such moments and hmm what well, let's say, there with any holiday. well, what a holiday. we are still sleeping. he woke up very early and ran for flowers. and well, roughly

speaking, we woke up with flowers. so here it is around the face. well, that is here. well, i don't know, for me it's a bright holiday on march 8th. it wasn't just him on march 8th. it's a birthday. it's some kind of holidays there mmm. well, he often tried. no, just the way i don't remember, but on holidays. yes, he always did this to both my mother and me, yes to my mother, he still showed me in every possible way that you were already a girl. when yes, that is, not quite a child. no, i don’t remember, suppose that the first rejection of your femininity occurred then in childhood. he was completely unconscious, but he led you to, let's say, meet with dad, so that there would be more mutual understanding, so that dad would feel good. as he expressed, and then you grow and, accordingly, your boy is born for 8 years brother your reaction. how did you associate yourself with these events in general, somehow coped with the fact that a new person appeared

in the family. she's fun if you get down to your own stance. i hung such responsibility for him as an elder. well, it was said to me, and there you are older, you have become older. now it was generally happening in the family when he appeared. it was carried away very strongly in him by my brother. she kissed the priest right for the expression. and here he is yes and here, right all the time it's look again, and dad, here's dad, and dad how is it with him? well, son. he is a son, even though he is the youngest there, i am the eldest, but well, he is a man with his son. a person is a different upbringing is different. this mom didn’t have him right here like that, right here, he looks like his mother’s skirt right now, films are there, yes, but as if dad, but to

him, well, like a boy, i don’t know how to write it. well, i didn’t bother, i didn’t lisp, somehow i don’t know how to find a word, they and dad had some activities that you and dad didn’t have to go fishing to hunt in the garage. no, i'll explain now, bro, i don't remember just at what age? but he went to the kindergarten, they took him to the kindergarten to his grandmother, and i don’t remember. for what reason i was small. yes , and then somehow i didn’t ask further, it seems, as if the state of health, the climate there is different and my brother was sent to my grandmother. that is, i grew up with my parents all the time . and then they took him there, and my parents went there to tambov, now i’ll tell you when he was 12 or 13 years old, approximately like adults, you no longer lived. yes? i was 21 years old. i'm 20 yes 20-21 almost uh-huh. here i am alone

already started to live. so, no matter how father had it. this is in time, well, with uh marina, but then they grew up. here you become a girl there fourteen. well, how did you feel about yourself? how did you feel in this world score? ah here is, i have perception was always only behavior such. here is our code - somehow something i do not know there it is. well, the behavior is more. well, no, no. where, well, why do you think? i don't know how correct this is? well, dad perceived me like that, but dad accepted me like that, well, accordingly, probably, other men or there other people, probably, this is how they should perceive it looked at other girls who behaved differently with a high degree of probability it can be assumed that your mother did not really know how women would be, most likely, uh-huh, i just know my grandmother very callous. that is too. in general, this controller is very callous , but at one time she worked for the fsb mmm.

she sat on read, letters checked. well, in the sense of it somehow listed. in general , all this is necessary on the noses of everyone there. such here affairs, and as if the grandmother is very tough, very clear. mm, how much i loved to control everything and everyone. well, in general, mom grew up in such circumstances, it turns out that this initiation did not happen and mom did not immerse you in this process, but then anyway you grow up and then the boys begin. uh, respectively , all sorts of gambling, marriage of a sexual nature, and so on, yes, that is, you understand that here, too, accordingly, you kind of have to make some kind of decision. you were scared you knew where life was taking you or in principle, i remember my first experience, and it was like, well, everything is in a smooth, flowing way , everything is conscious. well, yes, yes it was. it wasn't a relationship. at that moment it was not a relationship, then quite such

long-term ones began. yes, for this. it happened , you know, when it's still around, and i'm not there yet. how so, well, somehow even somewhere ashamed, probably. this belatedness was also associated with, as it were, some kind of underdevelopment , underdevelopment, immaturity. yes, that's how you perceived it. i don't know, it's hard here complex. that's all. the most interesting thing was that i shared this event with my dad. uh-huh reacted calmly, but he said this. well, this one sighed a little, but with such an understanding like this. he says, well, it was your choice there, yes, as it were, well, i would like, as he had such a phrase, but i would like it to be back and forth in marriage. in general, as it is supposed to be there, yes to my mother i was afraid to say this

, dad said about it, mom's reaction was everything, as usual. and how? well, in general, everything on this has become some kind of your sacred secret that now you are a woman with you. are you now how are you all now? well, probably partly. yes, i can assume that you have changed, not to say that i was just happy with it all here, that it was somehow like that, yes. well, probably, somehow it will be better not that everything is described. everything is far away, not the same picture. so i think that somehow it changed and how your relationship developed further. and i just got in a relationship. after that somewhere i don't remember after a while. well, somewhere in six months, probably, well, i'll start. yes, there the feeling became more like there, right? and accordingly, i then had a relationship in which we had a relationship, we

lived together, then a-a 5 years. did you play some kind of women's part, or did you immediately start playing the men's there. no, it wouldn’t work out much for a man there, probably, after all, it was some kind of female part to play. uh, because the person so to speak, i probably can say more, probably, or i was dependent on him there yes, it 's sickening. here. well, i fell in love there, yes, the feeling at that moment you had feelings. i'm into him it’s like, yes, at first everything is so beautifully good there, then somehow it went a little more complicated, that ’s all. it felt like a hostage of some kind. well, in general, yes, it depends, well, it’s an addiction, that is, how was i, after all, another collision with the fact that if you are a woman, then you are accordingly in danger, because if you play this female party, then, accordingly, a hostage of a man, from which you depend on. there was depreciation, depreciation, depreciation, yes, as

a person, as a person, as a woman, a man walked, after a while he was straight, but and it was not practically uncovered. well, that is, everyone knew, many knew. well, you continued to stay in that relationship. here i am talking about this, that it was dependent, most likely, as if the hostage of the female position here lay in wait for failure, yes. there was suppression going on here. that's how a person would like to crush me under him, so that i do. that's right, exactly everything that he wants, and he will do what he wants. well, he wants like this, well, in fact. we have just discovered several stages, at each of which you

faced with being a woman, well , such a so-so story, like a story itself in general somehow in general this whole world. it is tailored to men, to their needs, and being a woman often means simply serving the interest of a man, somehow she does not agree with this. it's just culturally the way it looks now. i'm not saying that this is correct, but often women seem to find themselves in positions in which they have to serve the interests of a man . just lying on the couch, but that's all equally continue to wash themselves, er, the ruler of the world. gobies are there. yes, and a woman, accordingly, she somehow owes something all the time in this sense, a man also has a lot of debts and cockroaches in a man’s history, but judging by the way you tell, you several times at the moments of initiation of the transition you, just the same, in this feminine state, girls girls women, yes, every time you

are faced with the fact that this is not a very pleasant position. she seems to be giving back a little. and there is such a hypothesis. tell me if it looks like the truth, what is that the moment when your brother left and they sent him to grandma and you stayed with dad, dad. he was expecting a son and he had a lot of expectations about it, yes, but as if he had things to do, and then in order to please dad , in order to be near him, it is necessary, as if to replace not only himself in the role of not vanilla girl, but also to replace the brother is very similar to this. well, that is, this is the position, it is more convenient, it is more familiar and there is a result from it. you will become a tomboy what you said, and we are psychologists sergey on ourselves on

tatyana krasnovskaya, and marina is our guest with whom we are discussing the nature of femininity today. what is the key fear now to become this woman, because i said that i hate vanilla women, but to support you, but at the same time, it was a kind of trick on my part, which consists in the fact that those images that you reject in many ways they carry a danger to you, which means marina has become a vanilla woman? let's imagine once and marina is a vanilla woman. and what will happen in this world or with me not in your world maybe the world. it's scary, it's kind of scary. what's frightening there? well, now, that again they may not accept me like that, so i say who will be disappointed, who will be upset, who will not accept. i don’t accept myself, it turns out that you don’t

accept this part will definitely come, like alice’s office romance 2 series comes in another completely pilaf. well, you come to work. completely different. here is some other femininity, in some other hypostasis. your employees will stop listening to you no our colleagues will stop with you communicate. no, your partners will stop communicating with you. no, exactly how men will react. the point will react. now they are faced with marina , who is aggressive, like a tomboy, a strong manifestation and she can do it herself and thus also devalues ​​the male experience, as if this is the place for that first relationship experience. well, it turns out, roughly speaking, i or i are measured

with them, you are trying to become not up to a man, but at least in front of a woman. why did i say that when a boy is born , a man is born, because in this world, which absolutely in our head the idea is formed that women are not quite a person, as if not quite deserving. and everything that is possible, but, uh, the mistake is that many women begin to enter into this confrontation, and in attempts to even out they very often lose, just themselves, and we are simply different, that is, men. these are men , women are women, and we are just different, and here it is very important to allow yourself to be a woman, and allow men to be men, without trying to remake anyone, because any remake it is an attempt at castration in your manhood. this is, in general, your castration. if i were a freudian of the brain of bones i would now say that it is your envy of the penis that is

expressed. maybe freddie was also not just a bastard to sew. yes, he understood what was at stake, but at the same time, with all that, it is clear that this is laid right in the very early childhood in games with boys. in the realization that i am not a boy, and there all this is laid and laid. the same envy, but it is important to learn how to work with this envy. and how can we work with envy, only realizing that you have your life, i have my own life, and when we begin to enjoy our own life, our own body, our own elements of manifestations, and our own perception, then we begin to get our own life. and here it is very important that they just let it go and let them do nothing on purpose, but let this femininity flourish.

yes, i want attention, marina, there is attention. there is a question of your reaction to this attention. perhaps i am afraid of the attention of men. then you

a priori, you will put on this protection, i didn’t look like that. by the way, that's why i said, there will be no bad questions here. it already exists. why is it dangerous to admit and admit it to yourself? here you are , there is a man who is interesting to you, and he begins to show his attention to you, his care, why is this dangerous? what happens to you any other male taxi driver seller, there, i don't know, the loader director. uh, oligarch, whatever. here is a man, they still show attention in general. this is the first experience of all relationships. but these yes, which will be the first right here. well, the first one is long. well, this is an abuse, they don’t consider you

a person, what i want to do here. it's even somewhere to raise your hands, yes, physical impact. well, this is scary. well, i don’t know, i think i’ve already somehow learned. how to assert boundaries with me. so you can't do something like that. look, you can talk with you as you like, if i have enough strength and i will beat you and travel around, i will do anything, the question is something else, it is important for you now. in order for this femininity to be found, which you are looking for not where you lost it, where it is light, i understand this. and if you want her to be found, then the question is that you should be attentive to the attention that is shown, but at the same time, you do not need to marry them to sleep with them. to build relationships with them, but just to allow this attention to be, and in this attention, your femininity will begin to unfold. no need to answer, you have to accept, because there is an idea, as if that as soon as this attention

appears in relation. to you. it is necessary to quickly, quickly put up this protective barrier, because there is already a danger with this barrier, as if there is actually an empty space there very quickly. and this dangerous person , but you can’t get any closer and you don’t know how farther it would be, even now there is a feeling, as if there hmm, this is a barrier being placed, and as if i owe something. if you do not pay attention, then i seem to have to give something in return, that something in the morning i should not do anything, that's why i say to teach just to take this attention and be in it and that's it. i understood. yes, i didn’t look here, what i’m leaving with. here, with understanding of all the understanding, which i firstly, we found these moments. honestly, i didn’t even realize somehow, i didn’t understand that it’s very valuable for me that these moments of my initiation. let's call it so, i also saw them, that they were very important on well, as on my

becoming, as a woman it's cool. and, accordingly, that i do not owe anything to anyone in fact. and just this moment, when hmm well, what i mean is that i'm not where i need to be, i realized. i came here with this, but now there is still a moment that m-m. just accept, just enjoy, just be. well, just yes, just open up. you don't have to do anything yourself. this is not a forced procedure. yes found that you just have to be it seems. yes, it just sounds like a word there. yes, it's not always clear how to do it. that is, how it manifests itself, in fact, but i have, but an understanding of how to do it? he yes it i can just write this state, as i understand it, as i feel it, as just to be, when you are in the moment, and you do not have extraneous thoughts in your head. are you thinking of something in the future that

i need to do? you are not in the past digesting some situation there. my aunt lyusya stepped on my foot 2 hours ago, how painful it was, what kind of bastard is she? excuse me. yes, but you are here. you see some manifestations of a person. and, you know, a state of some kind of silence, i don’t know, inner silence, and you are in observation. well, it's very nice talked about the future about the past about the future. this is when the surrounding men show attention to you. but you don’t make plans, though, how to give your grandchildren the past, so you don’t return , the future is to remove this position, i have to do it there, and i’ve already built everything there, yes, but don’t drag the past. here's the baggage from the past. here's the last year's relationship with our present. yes, yes, just eat , just eat a person, as it were, and let him be. that's how it was remove this importance. this importance of attention approaching you because you are unlike the baby of the girl who had

this initiation. you are an adult woman who is actually able to withstand this borderline and let you in and approach you as much as you feel comfortable, even this is a pleasant, correct good game. and just in this, there is even femininity, yes, the class is super. great. thank you marin for such a deep conversation at all. thank you very much. thank you, well it was under the fire triggers. with we were you sergey singan tatyana krasnovskaya psychologists psychotherapists and marina was our guest with whom we talked about the nature of her femininity. great