[000:00:00;00] and uh, search is probably a broader concept, but he gives an example of the bird simurgh, which is both many birds and one bird that contains this many, in general, this is also the image of god, and to which any, any ancient plots, well, of ancient ethical literature, travel is all just a search, and the suicide of god, and the sacrifice of god is a sacrifice, something that we... can see in the bible, and in narnia, there, well, in general, in abundance, any indu-european myths, yes, that is, as it were the sacrifice of a horse, that is, the ashwamedha ritual, which accompanies the ascension of a king to the throne, that is, the sacrifice of a divine being - this is precisely the most initiatory thing, of all these wandering plots that reminds us, it is the leap to a new level that is the sacrifice of god, uh-huh, here again

is this, what’s his name, abenhakan. in his small labyrinth, the killer of obenhakan becomes abenhakan himself, yes, that is, he kills this king, the one who is killed, he was actually the creator of all this murder by an imitator, that is, borhis very often repeats it, and it’s like an initiation thought out and influenced by the agent himself, that is, he sacrifices himself, this is such an odic thing, but how to hang yourself on yes. on yasin, well, again, this is a stray story, so you wanted to stay away from scandinavian studies, it didn’t work out, this podcast is a must read, i’m aglaya nabadnikova, my guest is natalya oshey, musician, lead singer of the melnitsa group, candidate of philological sciences , we are talking about jorge lisa borgis.

natasha, as for borhis’s personal life, i was very touched by the story... ulrika, from the book of sand, from the collection the book of sand, where he meets a woman, they spend only one night together, there is also an obvious allusion to mythology, there the hero’s name is sigurt , yes, he’s a sieckfried, that is, this all relates to scandinavian mythology, and the heroine’s name is ulrika, but on the one hand it looks simple, like people who met in a hotel, spent the night together, and in the morning they separated forever, but this onenight stand, and norhis is is. such a failure into some other world, as if this meeting was very important, and it seems very romantic to me, it also plays the role of a mirror, it looks, i say, now we still couldn’t resist scandinavian studies, because that’s exactly what that his hero is siegfried, tere sigurt - this is very important, because of course borhis , with his amazing erudition, he knew what a certain

irresistible, not predetermined meeting with a woman means for a scandinavian hero, because a woman, for a scandinavian, in general, in mythology, this is fate, a woman is able to change fate, so it’s this mysterious ulrika who meets sigurd, she makes him look at himself from a completely different level, what you’re talking about is initiation, this is a meeting, there is initiation into something else, namely, that is, it is like an anaanka, you understand, which is through a tiny death, that initiation is always a small death, an imitation of death, it forces him to move to another level, then there’s something right here, i love borhis so much in such aspects as an indo-europeanist, because he, of course, is a bearer of indo-european culture, and yes, yes, yes, and he feels these very indo-european mythological clichés very subtly, maybe not even always consciously, of course, because it’s directly mine, you know, when i see this sacrifice of the king, this very

one... you’re my good one, how nice, let’s talk about his personal life, he was all his life, you can’t say , lonely, that is there some women, i see dedication to women in different stories, different women, that is, there were women, they inspired, but basically , yes, he lived his life rather with his family, there with his mother, especially since he became blind, but at the end of his life he after his mother’s death, when his mother let go of the freudian story, he married his secretary, some beautiful girl, that’s what you think, his relationships with women are so strange, they were somehow reflected in his prose, how can i tell you, in my opinion, he is not a romance author, not at all, no, he is not a romance author at all, then for him, rather, there are all the women in prose, well, there in the same aleph, but this is his beloved, she’s already dead, beatrice, yes, beatrice, this is viterbo, that

is, in principle, he has a woman. that is, this is exactly the archetype of a dead lover, this is beatrice with some of her countless past lovers, or this is ulrika. and the woman is fate , who guides the hero through initiation, that is, it seems to me that all his female characters, yes, that all his female characters are not endowed with a special emotionality, but endowed with power, but endowed with power, endowed with a function, yes, endowed with a temporary, function, as it were , which is obliged to lead the hero to the point in time, space in which borhis wants to see this hero, the nobel prize, this is very offensive, i i read that 25 times, almost too many times, he was nominated, each time he did not receive, marquez was always passed by marquez at the turn, bypassed, although i also love marquez very much, yes, but i like borgis

precisely because he gave birth to very many, then he seems to be a quiet librarian, you know, very quiet, but he introduced a lot. the concept was later introduced into popular culture, because i read it, i see murakami with the chronicles of a wind-up bird, where people fall into certain corridors, and there is another time, there is a 1979 novel by christiane kracht, where, uh, there people end up in iran in time of the revolution and are saved by finding themselves in some magical slice of time, another, and they do some rituals, eat black food there, in general, borhis has this, he asks some questions, i’m right now reading a completely gigantic novel, alerusalem, from alan moore, he also understands this is precisely the system, the principle of the inside out, the principle of mirrors

and the principle of traveling back and forth in time, that is, in essence, jerusalem is a deconstruction of an english family saga like this straight classic family saga, but with us each... it takes place in its own time, it is non-linear, and periodically, due to penetration into the conventional underbelly of the city of northampton, characters of the same family from different times have the opportunity meet each other, and this, of course, is just such borhisianism, here it is stretched out into a book, which is called longer than the bible, that is, of course, i would cut this jerusalem in half, but it’s these four principles of four-dimensional space that are cool, where time is the most fascinating scale, introduces it in a very fascinating way, i have a question for you, as a linguist, it’s really funny, but there’s something in it, here’s borhis, he somehow entered the life of a russian person with

this joke overborhis, what do you think? borhis has overborhis, borhis has overborhis, well, you’re a linguist, i don’t know who else to ask, but it seems to me that you may have some kind of answer to this question, for some reason borhis remained. well, because, because, because, in principle, the very name borhis in russian evokes some kind of inner sisidore of seville with folk etymologies, you know, this is the root boron, that is, take, take, and so on, i really want to continue to etymology it , that is, there are such unfortunate surnames that on the contrary, the successful ones appeal to folk etymology, you can work with them, you know, he’s penetrating again. yes, well, of course, of course, that is, even the author’s surname is fixed in the body of another language, in the fabric of another language, it begins to spread there, like some beautiful noxious weed, amazingly of argentinean

origin, so it begins to sprout in the fabric of the labyrinth russian language already, well , you see how interesting we found with you, what a move uh linguistic, really, something explaining something about borhis and his immortality, games mind, it is immortal, because it is constantly repeated in the works of other people, yes, yes, that is, its platonic shadows continue to play on the walls of the cave, continues to live, yes, the labyrinth continues to live, it is endless, the recursion of mirrors is endless, borhis is alive , cool, natasha , thank you for the interesting conversation, i learned a lot, you are an erudite, it’s always interesting to listen to you, and it was very interesting, that’s how you see such a writer as horchilus. very unusual - thank you for inviting me, i really like to talk about books, most importantly, what else will we call, okay, this was a must-read podcast , i’m aglaina batnikova, my guest was natalia ushey,

musician, candidate of philological sciences, soloist of the group melnitsa, also known as hilovisa, thank you, all episodes of the podcast are a must-read you can find it on the website of the first channel 1tv.rug. hello, this is the triggers podcast with you, tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist and psychotherapist, sergey nasebyan, psychotherapist, psychologist and victoria. hello victoria, hello, tell us what you came up with today, with the existential transition, i feel it’s a good start, no longer a crisis, but at the transition, a year ago i

was faced with the issue of death, with the topic. and i was immersed in my trauma, the loss of my mother, yeah, this year i realized that all these 10 years, while she was gone, well, i froze, i died with her, tell me a little about your story, well, i have a full family , mom is an economist, dad is a military pilot, well , probably an ordinary soviet childhood, well, a little bit with a cold... mother, who forbade him to show his creativity there, don’t paint, you litter, i don’t know, don’t dance, you stomp, you’re the only child in the family, yes, yes, i’m alone , and dad is on a flight, and naturally, dad flew in, dad is beloved, and grandma asked who you love more, mom or dad, yeah, and the answer was obvious, apparently, well

, apparently, obviously, yes, dad. then, at the age of 12, my mother had an accident, my childhood actually ended, but because, well , how did they get married without me, i need to be looked after and walk again, my mother had a serious injury , well, she was there in a coma and basically paralyzed and then dad also started drinking little by little, so i have two children. appeared suddenly, that is, all the care fell on you, about mom, yes, that’s how it happened, you had to fully serve your mom, mom didn’t go, yes, you cooked, well, mixed with dad, my dad is like that everyday, quiet, uh, drinking man, well, cooking, cleaning, of course, there’s a duck, all the things to do, i still

have to go to school, live some kind of social life, so, then further, well, she recovered, like quickly, to be honest i don’t remember, well, a year or two, i somehow recovered, then for a period, well, we lived, everything was as usual, she had a stroke , everything all over again, that is, it turns out that i was growing up, i always faced, uh , trauma, well, death, or illness, somehow here i am now then i discovered that my inner and growing up is equal to, well, going out into society there in communication, and i was immediately faced with the fear of death all the time with the disease, how did it manifest itself for you, how did this connection work, well, because the last one was there for 5-6 years i kept looking for myself there and i think, why am

i not succeeding, why am i i don’t have the strength, well, i’m so cool, i’m charged, i know this, i can do this, so mm, well, it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, i’ve got this connection that as soon as i go somewhere, i’m faced with fear of death and i don’t need anything, in general, that is, it’s as if it ’s becoming dangerous for you to ever go outside? yes, because then something will happen, well, i, someone there , this kind of trash will happen again, everything is bad, everything is terrible there, then what should you do if you stay in a childish position, but when i 10 years ago, in i got married in the twelfth year, and i did everything as much as possible in order to push the responsibility onto my husband, all this is all

, i have to be behind my husband, i’m feminine there, fold your paws, something like that, but i realized that this is a utopian story, so well, i succeeded, my husband works there to earn money, and i was looking for myself, all these 10 years , well, i basically did eyelash extensions, and there until i was sixteen, then i burned out there, we moved to another city, in the crimea ended up there for a couple of years, i was exhaling there, we moved to moscow, when, in moscow, this is all it started, well, first of all, moscow means, come on, come on, come on, uh-huh, here i am, come on, come on, i was looking there for courses, for trainings, for personal growth, where am i, who am i, what am i, i’m there for landscape

i was a designer in i don’t know, florists and macromea wove, we have all the professions, well, i somehow counted, well, about 10, i tried myself, yeah, in different directions, in the end, a year ago i went to study after all psychologist, body-oriented therapist, in fact, has slowly begun to come to life, do you now have a practice? well i practice, yes, but it’s not that i have a queue right now, but i would like there to be a queue, yes , this is your existential crisis, as you put it, and what does it consist of, you understand that if you go through it, then this queue will appear , or do you need to go through it in order to be more... that’s the essence of this crisis? well, it seems to me that especially clients don’t want to go to a dying therapist, this is my internal state, yeah, well, i imagine that i’ll somehow live

there, i don’t know the grieving process, well, that’s already the case i think i’ve already lived, because i’m there in love , for the love of my mother, but i got there to, i don’t know, gratitude to everything for all these 10 years of the process, yeah, and so now it seems, well, already, where i would like something i would like to go, move, but no, so that it’s straight, like the feeling of energy of this impulse , so charged, that is, you are in this freezing, as they called it, well, it’s as if i’m continuing, or something, either out of habit, or well, the psyche still needs to go through some processes, i don’t know, what about you? i have children, an 8-year-old daughter, and me, oh, some processes started happening to me, somewhere in august the chains all came together before me, that i was grieving there, i didn’t go through the process, and since august everything has just been there, somehow i’m in

a lousy place, i felt bad there too and i suffered, everything suffered, i suffered, then i say, now i’ve come to thanksgiving, but and in september i also went for a divorce, that is, i put all the stories together, and this is a conscious choice, well, yes, because i’ve been planning all this for the last 4 years too , i was getting ready, then i realized that , well, it’s already kind of, well, like the gestal is closed, with the person, with this and with my story there with mom, she covered it everywhere. what to do next, i don’t know, tell me, victor, what’s his mother like, mom, well, thanks psychotherapy , what’s that like, i try to be loving, supportive , yeah, very much, not to be cold, well, yes, not to be cold, like mine, yeah

, it turns out, well, yes, oddly enough, i feel like a good mother, yeah, well, actually, this is quite a lot and it’s great if you feel like that... you feel, well, this is cool, because i have girlfriends, mothers who of course don’t feel that way, yeah, but now you live with your daughter, that’s all for now together, no, as long as we’re all together, this divorce is not a traumatic experience, not for you , not for your husband, not for your daughter, well, it’s some kind of consequence, as if, well, logical, well, i won’t say that we’re having fun there and we rejoice, what is the symbolism of this process for you, this is a divorce, what does it mean, it’s all as if i was hiding behind this once. hiding from what? well survive, uh-huh, and this scam, then that means that it's like you're, i don't know , breaking the shell and crawling out of the egg, yeah, it looks like it looks like, yeah, that, well, i'm like myself i’m starting to choose, to survive, to live my own

life, not according to my metaphor, it turned out that mm, as if i had been sitting under a gravestone for all these 10 years. yes, it’s very similar, i have an assumption, but i’ll voice it a little later, tell me, you’re breaking through this shell, hoping to get out of there, do you think, how do you feel, are you ready for this life? at the moment i already feel that strength is appearing, uh-huh, because my thoughts have finally appeared, so i need to, i need to come up with something to leave, because why keep the guy? he may have his own personal life there, and well, it’s like i need to move on, but what do you need in order for, look, you seem to be making your way through this grave now. what does it take

to get there and stay at the top? well, right now i have financial instability, yeah, well, i kind of understand why, yes, but i was in the childish position as much as possible all this time, and well, i ran faster there, damn it, i fought with my ego, because i promised myself that i’ll never go for hire, so, well, hiring , of course, doesn’t cover anything here. i’m afraid that your expression will be very clear to us visually, i was in a child ’s position, yeah, i understand you, yeah, but if we talk like two psychologists, it won’t be interesting to everyone else, so yes, and moreover, i’m very i don’t like to speak as a psychologist, well, yes, let’s try to talk like people, i was in this maximum childish position, but in general this position... what is this infantilism for you, how was it expressed? i don’t earn money, i don’t earn money for myself

i provide, because the child has the right not to do this, but, that is, you believed for a long time that you have the right, for example , not to earn money, so, yes, what else was it expressed in, well, here is my inner desire, there in the name moms, too, get sick there somehow, feel bad, yeah, die. also , at about the same age, did your mother have an accident that you are in now? no, she got it earlier at 31, i’m 30, but i was very worried, by the way, when i was 31, i think something will happen to me now, but no, now i’ll get somewhere too, yeah, yeah, that is, the connection with my mother was still quite strong, of course, and this freezing, as if it were some kind of analogy, but with my mother’s condition, you were 12 when your mother did this happen to mom?

and the family died, in fact, mom remained motionless, dad started drinking, and you, accordingly, were left alone in all this , well, yes, as you say, childhood ended, yeah, and this is the very moment when the family, as a structure that should provide support, died, yeah, and stopped giving this support, well, yes, in fact, of course, we can talk. about the fact that at the age of 12 you were not ready for this, as probably no one would be ready, no, i am deeply convinced that a girl at the age of 12 is already ready, but now it also seems to me that yes, but you now you’re talking to me like a twelve-year-old girl, well, your facial expressions, antics, posture tell me that a teenager is sitting in front of me, well, perhaps i’ll agree, because , thank god, it’s not seven, not 10, and that’s good, really. well, in general, at 12

you can already do a lot of things, right? yeah, let's do it we'll go back there, yeah, try to imagine, it's unlikely you'll be able to remember, but try to imagine the day when you find out that your mother had an accident, yeah, what happened an hour before, well, relatively speaking, yes, an hour before, and what, what ceased to exist after, here you are 12 and your life is filled with something, maybe playing, but with peers, studying. some kind of joy, hope, suddenly you find out, remember, well, i remember this, but how did you find out about it? it was april 1, at night, you were sleeping, yes, i was sleeping, and in the morning it was already, well, shorhi some, yes, in the morning, there was some kind of fuss there, and who told you, my father, it seems, yes, because he went to the hospital there the next day, my grandmother, my mother’s mother flies in and drags it all

i’m still being poked at this hospital, look what happened to your mother, why is she doing this, like, well, you can’t have fun there now, look what you’ve brought your mother to? now, these are already important words, uh-huh, one day she came to school there after a couple of days, there’s food there, yes, naturally i’m, uh, well, a schoolboy, having fun, break, she saw, what are you doing, your mother is sick, you are having fun here, well, that is, having fun, you can’t have fun, what happened to you, what are you worried about?

well, you have to be something in order for something to change somehow, well, yes , you have to be something like... what you really are, what you were experiencing then, that is, they explained to you how you need to behave, there was also some kind of freezing, that you couldn’t live your life now , and what did this cause, what, what feelings, well , fear, fright, i don’t know, sad, you accepted this guilt that your grandmother gave you, but specifically for this incident, no, no, i mean were you guilty. you and your father, no, you are alone, well, in this situation no, look, it was your grandmother who confronted you with the question of who you love more, suddenly a situation occurs after which you and your healthy dad are on the same side, uh-huh, sick bedridden mother , bedridden, non-ambulatory mother on the other side, uh-huh, uh-huh, how

the configuration of your relationships in the family has changed, my dad also began to move away, because... he himself didn’t know how to live his feelings and emotions there, but of course he took me there something there on i carried a little work, something, but for some reason i then made the decision that my dad also betrayed me and in general i have no one to turn to now, then what’s wrong with you, i’ll make an assumption, you’ll say, it looks like what you experienced or not, but it seems to me - there was a lot of suppressed anger about the fact that it’s so unfair , it shouldn’t be like this, i’m a child, like all other children, why is this all happening to me, why should i, without asking me, you put me in a position where i have to perform functions that i can’t cope with, yes, well, after 12 years i started losing teeth,

front teeth, losing teeth, how can i grind my teeth? no, not that yes, they just started deleting them for me, constantly, i have them there , at the moment there are only 13 of them, for a 12-year-old girl, yes, about anger, of course, suppressed, it was impossible to do this yet, this is a podcast triggers, we are with you, sergey nasebyan and tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologists and psychotherapists, and we are talking with viktoria. when your mother died in your twelfth year, how did you cope with her death? well, i became a zombie, i froze, i had anemia then that’s it, i turned to stone, why, it seems like you were already old enough, your mother was sick for a long time, it’s obvious that the fate of centenarians did not shine at the same time, well , some i had illusions about the topic: mom should live forever, yeah, but what didn’t

you say to her? everything that was not expressed, hatred and anger, resentment, and fears and i don’t know everything, whatever i didn’t express there, i also remember the period when she died, i went to a training there and i made a decision, my mother and i are separating there , fishing the ropes, an emotional connection with her. i’m stopping, that’s it, you can’t ride on me, it was sunday on thursday i buried him, there was also guilt for this, yes, i just told you about this a few minutes ago, look, it turns out that as soon as i cut off my contact with mom, mom dies, yes, the key form of separation from mom is her death, yeah,

in a normal person, this would not cause a feeling of guilt. yeah, but for you it was superimposed on some kind of superstition, yes, but superstition this was not formed in the training , the training unfortunately imposes, everything, when people start talking about the universe, about karma, no, holotropic breathing, holotropic breathing, no matter what training, when people come out with the idea that there is a certain universe that exists some signs, flows, resources, vedic. where superstition is formed is another question, yes , you were superstitious before, that’s why it happened this way, and now look, that’s why i assumed that the feeling of guilt was formed at the moment when you looked at the mother when she was lying in a hospital bed, and a feeling of guilt could

form in the child at that moment, well , of course, the grandmother helps a lot, she. speaking of this, yes, it’s just that i, too, just like you in childhood, were accused there of the fact that you brought your mother or brought your father there, you see what you brought everyone to, how it all happened, but at the same time, no one none of us are able to avoid thoughts about when mom hits you, when mom swears, when mom screams, about how we would be better off without you, these thoughts that a child gets scared of, well, yes, suddenly the child sees his mother, he knows his thoughts , uh-huh, and the grandmother connects them at that moment, look what you brought your mother to, uh-huh, here a certain subpersonality arises that speaks of that you are guilty. in what is happening, yeah, and now you definitely need to stop being yourself , stop laughing, well, like in childhood, you know, we were told, don’t swear by your mother, your mother will die, yes, yes, yes, so everyone thought that you should swear mom

can’t, yeah, they swore by lenin, there’s a tie, pioneer, anything, but something already dead, yeah, but they can’t be alive, because they will suddenly die, and they die, can you imagine , people generally die, yes, mothers, fathers, children, dogs, cats die, they absolutely die, if you are talking about the existential crisis that you came with, yeah, then at the very beginning of your monologue, i noticed one very interesting thing that i said, i will tell you later, i will tell it to you now, you are afraid to grow up, because growing up will lead you to death , and you said it, expressing it in phrases, to no one will go to a dying psychologist, at this moment i wanted to be indignant and tell you one simple thing, but do you really believe that there are no... dying psychologists? do you really believe that there is anyone who doesn't die? is everyone dying? the only reality that exists is death. yeah, your death, my death. i have been dying with you for several minutes

here. and no one has yet gone in the opposite direction, but this idea superimposed on superstition makes you helpless. yes. the death of your mother is just her death, this is her nature, and.... it is important here that you understand and recognize for yourself, or forgive this child for the thoughts that he had at the moments when his mother hits, well, because if your mother is not just cold, when your mother begins to express emotions and hits you, because at that moment you feel that she hates you, a loving mother will not hit you, in response you certainly had a huge amount of anger, aggression in her address, of course, it was impossible to show her, received this signal that these are taboo feelings, and you learned to swallow them, grinding your teeth to the roots, and hence this shame for these thoughts, well, yes, for the fact that you

were playing at school when your grandmother saw you, having fun in general life is impossible now, it means something is wrong with you, yes, your success lies behind the door on which death is written, you open the door, that you are... a little girl, a little girl, there, i don’t know, an exalted teenager , yes, you won’t stop this current, yes, i’m already a forty-year-old aunt, soon, i don’t know how things will turn out your relationship with your spouse, i don’t know how your relationship with other men will turn out, yes, but i know for sure that your relationship with yourself will turn out to be more honest, only... after you accept this fact, and the fact of that , that yes, you were angry with her, and the fact that these are completely unrelated

things, her accident and your anger, well , now then a crow lands on a palm tree, a coconut falls from a palm tree, for our, well, let’s say, linear view, it seems that these are related events, but just like the crow could not sit down, the coconut could... fall and before she lands, right? here it happens exactly like this, that is, in our case, our psyche, it tries to arrange everything in linearity , because only when it is clear, yes, that one thing follows the other, and it seems that as a result, it writes down in this way , and then, when you start to consider this, it is very difficult to stratify and divide these events among themselves, but your task is to allow this to happen. pop of events, yes, events happened in your life, you built logic where there was no need to build it, and

built the logic, of course, not in favor of yourself, well, yes, thanks to everyone, of course, good teachers, you know, yes, but it’s not a shame, you couldn’t have acted differently, differently, no, for a twelve-year-old does a child who has been hit by all this need to build some kind of defense? yeah, well, it just doesn’t help you at all right now, well, that’s why i’m here, and by opening this door that sergei said, called death, you and your daughter... will be able to build a more real, more honest relationship, or something, without trying to protect her on the one hand, with this freezing, uh-huh, because it’s also about coldness, well, being a real living mother nearby, and this fear that we experience, reverent fear of death, it is a natural norm, you can’t avoid it to escape, you need to learn to live it, so here it is very important to live it, perhaps in some of the practices, it

is lived perfectly, but it is important that you learn to look there and understand that as soon as you become an adult, that’s it, from that moment , well, how would you stop, somehow growing up, you begin to grow old, but there, it means we are heading towards this very death , moreover, when my mother leaves, of course , there is no one else between us by death, because my parents, including psychologically, perform the function of protection between me by death, while they are there. when we understand that there really aren’t any, everyone is different, there is only us, yeah, well, this is also a story about the fact that everything, anyone, and your decision to turn away from what is happening, from the fact that it doesn’t matter we are heading towards death, it doesn’t stop this movement, well, yes,

the process is underway. for more than 20 years, it was still happening, turn away, you don’t turn away, but it’s happening, sergei , for example, told his little six-year-old son , he told his three-year-old son that we are all dying here, by the way, that too, but yes, yes, the child was also a little asked my dad what death is, i said, what is happening to you right now, he said, how is it, i say, you’ve been dying for 3, half a year, he says, and you, i say , and i’m dying, he says, and mom, he says, and mom, he cried, naturally, he cried. well, i was sincerely convinced and am still convinced that it would be better for me to tell this truth at 3 and 2 years old than to tell him a story about how someday they will come up with a pill and we will all live forever, this fear, death is very important , so that you live it directly, and be with it, it is the norm for every living creature on earth, uh-huh, well, okay, what are you leaving with today, victoria? that

i had some kind of feeling that the door to my mother’s story was closed, well, the last one is already the key, the key, yes, i’m closing it, this her story, there i had a story with her with this, i open my door with death there, in a different way, because to be, because they are cruel to my mother all the time, of course, why philosophically? well, in general, they are grounded somehow , how are you going to do this in reality? like in reality? so you leave the studio now, you wake up tomorrow, how will you work with this fear? i ’ll probably go straight away to drink coffee, i’ll take some cake , i’ll eat it for my future death, it’s great

to accept it as given. and well, it seems to me that it’s true that only adults can go there to meet already, well, yes, because it turns out as if i’ve been there for so long, well, there’s disbelief, that there is , well, fear of death, well, i’m stuck in childhood , you know, the ancients didn’t just say moments of pestilence, they said remember death, they didn’t say avoid her, they said... or just remember about her, yeah, but you visit your mother at the cemetery? once, i had this thought, all the time of our program, for some reason i really want to recommend you to go to the cemetery, no matter how it sounds now, i was once after quarantine, there twenty-first year, took a selfie with her, you know, i’ll give you one recommendation: when you go to the cemetery, by the time you get to her

grave, there will be other graves there. on everyone’s graves, the date of birth, the date of death and a dash between them must be written, i want to suggest you to practice this kind of meditation , look at the dash, uh-huh, understanding that the dash is death, and not the date at the end, uh-huh, that is, this is the way , the path, it is this aspect of dying, it will simply become easier for you to be with it, that you realize that today, in general, is the first day of the end... of your life and every new day will be the first, i am happy, glad that i amused you, it is logical to say that there were dying psychotherapists with you, well, today is so... the truth is deep topic thank you for coming to us with it today, i felt better, i began to choke, if i had a desire to breathe, thank you very much, thank you, thank you, it was a podcast triggers with you we were, tatyana krasnovskaya, sergey nasebyan,

psychologists and psychotherapists, and we spoke with victoria about her existential crisis. hello everyone, this is a podcast of memories 20 years later, in which i am the host konstantin mikhailov and my celebrity guests, we will discuss 2005 this time, what songs were at the peak of the charts, what television project started on channel one, today my guest is yulia savicheva , a beautiful girl, a talented singer, the tv project star factory and the eurovision song contest 2004, well, plus in 2005 there was a series featuring her song, don’t be born beautiful, yes, i called it

don’t be born godzilla, whatever they called me, whoever named konstantin burdaev, aka kostya grim, hello kostyanovich, the lead singer of the group brothers grim, and the lead singer of the group brothers grim, i remember in 2005 you took part in maxidrom 2005, i took part in maxidrom, we took part in the film don’t be born godila, in fact, too, we had everything in common then, but what were you doing in this film, and in this film we sang a heart song in one of the series, but i didn’t know, yes, i was sitting on the piano like that, i was young, still hairy, here he played soulful and sang this song, that was the case, yes, listen, a serial story is a very, very profitable thing, we recently met with jenny feklist, the end of the film was a blast. his team after he sang a song for the series soldiers, television is a great power, great power , especially when this song is for a series, and yulia’s song, i remember myself, i was drawn to it, well, thank you, but on the one hand, the series yes , it’s clear every day, and it eats into

your head, but the song itself still matters, what it is, because they still make all sorts of remakes, remixes, young people from drags her. my calling card, what else, well, there is also a song high, of course , with which i started on my long journey, it is also one of my main songs, but if everything is from love - this is something separate, this is some kind of a separate planet, which it seems to me, is still on... with you will outlive everyone, tell me, for the song wind you filmed a video on khromokei, because you are standing there against the backdrop of a theater, either a large one, or high up, but high up, interesting , no one has ever called it that before, no, about the wind, why did i think, this is a mistake according to freud, because we recently spoke with the singer momi , we were just remembering that moment at the factory when

you sang with her, call me, call me, yes, call me, sun or wind, wind, just like that, the wind, yeah, we remember that it was, well, almost... like that, also you’re so completely, just a girl, even compared to a child, a child, but you’re great, just in your voice, but here in terms of freedom of communication, perhaps with the public, mona, of course, was already more experienced, but of course, how do you feel i felt, you were somehow, oh, i actually remember that factory period, and for me , on the one hand, it was difficult, even extreme, on the other hand, it was so interesting and...' and there i grew up, my growing up before my eyes it saved everyone, the whole country, maybe my youth was just like that, even childishness, and rose-colored glasses on my eyes, that helped, for me you immediately when

you appeared, i was like, oh, avril lavigne, ours, well, you know, it was fashionable then, and for some reason i fell in love with it then. truly alternative music, some kind of i had a turning point, after the song high, that’s it, and away we go , well, plus, my hair is naturally straight, well, there really is a similarity in my face, even my child, anya, when he sees avril lavigne’s video, oh mom - she says she went, there really is some kind of similarity, i know that the girl is so whole, that is... you are doing creativity, you only have creativity, you didn’t like anyone there at the factory purely as a boy - well perskhalava was such a charming

man who walked around kissing everyone, i know listen, he’s so, he’s just wide, so hospitable, well, it’s understandable, to immerse, but i had a boyfriend at that time, and who was waiting for me, and he was renovating, i don’t know whether he was jealous or not, blond with blue eyes , he wrote me letters, gave me toys, kostyanich, your 2005, what, well, my 2005, this is a takeoff, this is when an unknown group from... the city of samara, it’s the group that takes grim, this doesn’t happen often in show business, because in show business, many people have reasons to be famous, that is, we are not participated in no tv project anywhere, we were just simple guys who wrote songs, arranged them ourselves, just such a local samara self-mate, then suddenly in 2005 we get this opportunity and become famous throughout the russian-speaking world, well it turned out like this, who did you send the song to, listen, we didn’t send the song to anyone? clips, in fact, at one fine moment they came to lena burlakov, who at that time was already

a little, well, a little out of business, i would even said, well, that is, it’s somehow this coincidence, this luck is always, of course, but we wrote so many good songs that they have already begun to overflow this critical cup, it all began to spill out, roughly speaking, and splashed out there , where you need to at a certain moment, here it is, this is where luck went, which was being prepared, maybe i don’t know. years we wrote these songs there, we made them, yes, i understand what you are talking about, because i have the same situation happening now, i have been for 4 years now - without a producer on its own, that’s right, why didn’t they know it’s hard, it can be hard, of course, in some moments it’s easier, but here’s the thing: it’s hard to self-orientate yourself when you’re without a producer and the like, i’m already, for example, 14 years without a producer practically, that is, this is normal, barge haulers, who is that last name? he is a musician friend, he is an assistant, a manager, because for such people, i’ll say it now, for such people, yes, no,

not thanks to him, he brought the maximum to radio, he brought it to radiomac, he didn’t bring it to other more important radio stations, usually for in order to become really popular, you had to get on russian, you had to get on europe plus, you had to get on must tv, in general on mtv, yes, in general on these others, you go there yourself, no, not ourselves, another person brought it there, alen mihai. you see, that is, it’s not, it’s of course, on the one hand, that you made the material yourself, yes , of course, of course, it had to be shown, then there was no internet, then there was no internet, then people were needed as guides who they will just deliver this material that's right, to a wide audience, and this happened to us, let's just say, many thanks to lena , many thanks to alena mikhailov, these people just helped us do this, that's when we really... released our first album and began, well, yes

, then this bethlemania began in relation to the grim brothers, of course, i remember, you had a hard time going through this period, let’s say, but because when you are unknown to anyone, a simple guy from the samara outback, and suddenly you are, any person who suddenly receives so much attention to his person, he’s not psychologically ready for this, anyone, so i had to deal with it somehow, and thank god. and how was this expressed? well, you start to think that you are probably better than the rest, and such a stupid thought comes to your mind , you probably, well, yes, delusions of grandeur begin, absolutely, there, well, you go into the dressing room, you see some of your colleagues, you look at them condescendingly, you think, oh you, yes, yes, later, they told me, people from toikhi told me, my colleagues said, i remember, you did this, that, that, that, i say, but not maybe it's not me. it’s not me, well, it was a stellar disease, yes

, yes, burlakov, by the way, you said very clearly that there was no internet, now it’s easier, because burlakov, he’s only consulting now, it’s not easier now, i would so he said, no, now it’s easier for an artist, let’s say, well, i wouldn’t say, in modern show business, but you need that person, probably, who will tell you, show you, this is mainly because lenin is not a musician, he’s not musician, but what about, for example, yulia max fadiev, yes, group, they also do everything themselves, my guests are yuri savicheva and konstantin burdaev, brothers make-up, and maybe, until yulia switches to cakes, until she is 60, yulia will sing something for us, oh, yes, of course, with

pleasure, let's sing. do not forget! remember me, you are not alone, forever together, don’t forget , the fire, where you and i are, warming you,

i will fly away, within myself, i am flying to you in the sky behind a star, a high quiet flight. it's easy, to the sky behind

a star, high, quiet flight. it's easy, oh, don't forget, my heart, my songs, forever with you,

don’t forget, nights, spring, where you and i are. i’m not alone, i’ll fly away into myself, i’ll fly away to you, to the sky behind a star. high quiet field,

it’s easy, in the sky behind the star. high, quiet flight, it's easy,

don't forget, ask, offset. our dzarzhava, our beloved race, wordy. praying, great glory, i lead your heritage in everything, for the entire fatherland