it can't be anyone else. tese's work reveals itself no matter how it is mounted. and we see the world through the eyes of these people, and we can, at this stage, yes, of a half-finished film, edited later, as if to penetrate into the workshop, into the kitchen. this is, in general, just incompleteness, but we know from einstein from texts, from photographs, from memoirs about him that he is a living figure, and in fact, when we see that this material has not yet been assembled by einstein himself, and despite the fact that esenstein himself he never will be edited, unfortunately, but nevertheless we are always present as if next to him, that is, by doing so we find ourselves truly involved in his laboratory, in his creative process, and this is probably the most interesting thing in this case, it was podcast ezenshtein 125, film historian natalya ryavchikova and... artyom sopin,

goodbye, hello, dear tv viewers, you are watching the podcast triggers with you its hosts psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya psychologist psychotherapist sergei nasibyan visiting us today is maria. hello, maria, hello, tell us what you came to us with? oh, i’m currently 35 years old, i live with my mother, and uh, i’ve never had a serious relationship, and i’ve never been married, i don’t have children either, in the future i would plan to start my own family, i would like to, but i don’t want to leave my mother alone, my mother is 68 years old, she is a lonely pensioner, she sits at home all the time, alone, somehow she has no friends, no

girlfriends, not even pets, nothing, and i really don’t want to leave her alone, i think, it’s somehow cruel, i’m a very ematic person, very kind, it’s hard for me to decide, to decide whether i should build my happiness, my family, or continue to live with my mother, but then i kind of sacrifice my future, my possible family happiness, in general, you are a good daughter, in some ways, maybe, maybe, i don’t know, not 100%, but you came to us so that, how do we help you, what do you think? i’m at a dead end in this situation, i don’t know how this problem is solved, that is, it’s either way, as if there is a choice, either mom or my family, there definitely is, and one thing is worth the other, in the sense that one pays for the other, this is a fact, but i asked a slightly different question, so you sat, watched, probably saw the podcast, and you thought, oh, i’ll go tell my story, that’s what you think,

how - it will change after this, listen to the opinion of another person, that is, about how, what options there are, maybe, i don’t know, or how this is connected, that is, understand something before yourself, based on this, decide what to do , okay, have you discussed this story with some friends, colleagues, relatives, no, that is, this is the first time you are actually discussing this with someone, yes, well, i ’m trying to look for something on the internet myself, maybe someone has similar problems, when they find... something similar, it seems, that i’m not the only one with such a problem, you’re definitely not the only one, the fact is that when you say that you don’t have a relationship, i want to say you’re skitting, but i can be a little more delicate and say you’re disingenuous when you say that your mother has no pets and no one, you are also really lying for one simple reason: you have a relationship, this relationship with your mom, and your mom has a pet, that’s you. that is

, in fact, everything is very clear that this suits both you and her, why did it suddenly stop suiting you at some point? the power of age is that i’m 35, well, it still seems that my whole life is ahead of me, the older you get, the more it seems that life is behind you, either now or start a family, why did i show you, maria, that your previous 35 years are not so important, than with... 35 years old with age somehow more experienced becoming, i understand that maybe if i had started building some serious relationships earlier, i could have made some mistakes, but now with age i can approach this more consciously, as if you have become more experienced, well, not in relationships experienced, in general in life, it would be better if i started to understand people , it seems to me that now i understand better who is bad and who is good, and i won’t do anything stupid when entering into a relationship, i, like a cynic , will translate what you ... speak

human language, in a human sense, so that this is clear to everyone who is watching us now, listening to us, you may begin to understand that you are actually answering my question, giving me, well, us material for further questions, for further work, now it is very important that you said that it seems mom, she has fulfilled her function of protecting you from the outside world, well, i don’t know what kind of protection and what kind of protection there was from mom, it seems to me that she has always been an independent child, and it seems to me that at an age when the parents are already elderly, they they demand more so that they... that's what i'm talking about, that is, mom has already worked out this function, then you suddenly think about what, what will happen next? well, i was rather thinking because of my age, that’s what i understand, but it’s not just like that, you could have arrived at 45, which is why i note that

for some reason it seemed to you that 35, and then, for example, this is more important than 30, and that at 40 you would like to already have a family, although i’m almost sure that... you probably thought at 20 that you should have had it at 30, well , also that i don't have children, i want to a child, and of course, the age of motherhood there cannot be more than 50 and so on , that is, this is approximately now the age when there is a chance, perhaps there to have children, but why do you need a family other than having a child? it seems to me that maybe i’m thinking about my family for selfish reasons, because it seems to me that i’m very unloved, and it seems to me that my husband and children are the ones who can give me what i don’t have enough, this is love, some kind of respect, to fill out this post of some kind, lack of love, doesn’t your mother love you, i don’t know, well, that is, it’s difficult for me to answer this question, because well, i don’t

know the words, the words i love you, she never told me, but even if she did, it might be formal, but i focus more on some actions , i don’t know, i can’t understand, i can... even answer this question for myself, i would also be interested, maybe she loves me or not, but i don’t know what actions you are guided by, but i am guided by everyday even in terms of, well, let’s say, while i’m sleeping, she won’t turn on the tv loudly, she probably means she cares about me, so as not to disturb my sleep, let’s say, i don’t know, maybe this is an indicator of love, care, or maybe, maybe respect, it can be both, but look how interesting it is, you know, when a person answers a question, for example, do you love your husband, wife, or do you feel love from your husband, wife, mother, it doesn’t matter , begins to philosophize, that’s how you now begin to somehow give some examples, and you confuse yourself in these

reasonings, for me, and this is always a signal of an answer, no, i don’t feel it, because when a person, for example, i ask you, do you like pilaf, right? do you like watermelon? watch how you find the answers, right? i won’t ask you, of course, if watermelon loves you when you eat it, but look how you find answers in a completely different place, pay attention, looking inside yourself, yeah, here i’m asking if your mother loves you there, yes , and you begin to go into reasoning, that is, look for the answer in the wrong place, where he really is, i understand, because it’s very difficult to tell myself that i don’t feel my mother’s love, or i miss it, yes, i don’t feel it, yeah, well, that was honest. and you have been living with your mother for 35 years and you are not sure if she loves you, you don’t feel that she loves you, how do you deal with this? well, i seemed to have come to terms, probably over 35 years , i had periods such that i experienced this, i thought that there might be some reason in me or

a reason in me, that my mother was like this, i wanted my mother to be happy to have mom was fine, and i was looking for some reasons in myself, then i somehow... realized that she’s probably just that kind of person, and it doesn’t concern me in any way, that’s just how she is, you just have to accept it and live on, if i ask you, what is it like to be you, how will you answer, tense, i am such a very tense, reserved person , responsible, that is, what feelings make up your day, i don’t know, i have during the day, if a weekday rather some kind of fatigue... from all the worries, you definitely admit one thing, and they themselves said, that you are always tense, well, it’s hard for me to relax, super, let’s just try to rewind from this, it’s tense, it ’s like tense up now even more than you are tense, more, yeah, what kind of emotion stands

before this tension that makes you straining, well, this is probably the fact that you need to be alert all the time so that everything happens, but the emotion, well, fear, is excellent. maria answered your question, here? yes, thank you, look how interesting, and forgive me that i’m now talking about you in the third person, how interesting, masha formulates thought, yes, that is. masha does everything to phenomenally avoid touching feelings, but there is a very great benefit from the fact that you feel the body so well, even through tension, because the body will give you a huge number of clues, i hope today we are just we can help you in this sense, how can you use your body to cope with the tasks that you set for yourself? fear, let’s get back to it, what are you afraid of? it’s not just something straight, it’s just some kind of fear, it’s more like something

it will go wrong, that i won’t have time to do something, that i haven’t done something, these are thoughts, these are not feelings, feelings, there are no feelings, something will go wrong, it’s even difficult for me, like some kind of feelings, at this moment, i know, i even have a fantasy, why is it so difficult for you, but i would still like you to unpack yourself, with feelings it may not be very good, right? i’m a very practical person, the feeling, this is of course not my territory, not yours and mom’s, this again is probably not the feeling that i’m some kind of person, maybe i’m not like that if i don’t do something, it’s a thought, look, all these or the feeling of not being loved, if i do something wrong to those around me, this is also the fear that they will not love me, if i do something wrong, look, it’s still fear, i call this is fear, and this may sound very negative to you, yes to some extent.

and i understand perfectly well that you would not want to feel fear from your mother, anxiety, well, in the sense of danger that can come from her, because this is a mother, how can you be afraid of her or how can you suspect her of what she wants to do something bad, i don’t know, i’m not afraid, i have no fear, of course you’re not afraid anymore, and 68, you’re 35, you can kill her if you go in physically, you just agreed with yourself not to feel it, no on purpose? maria, please tell us a little about your family, dad, mom, i don’t know my dad, so , that is, he left when my mother was pregnant with me, yeah, but we lived with my grandmother before, that is, grandmother, mother and i, three of us, your grandmother has been gone for about 10 years, why did your parents split up, my grandmother was against them relationship, that is, let's say she separated them, but you and your mother? ever about this? no, it’s somehow not customary for us to have such direct spiritual communication, in our family

it’s like there’s no such thing, for some reason, well, in the sense, there’s just no dad and no dad, you just grow up, you see that there’s no dad , that’s how, according to the stories, why, that is, that his grandmother kicked him out, my grandmother kicked him out , i don’t know anything else, but somehow i ’m such a person, it’s very difficult for me, for some reason, to ask questions in the family any questions, i am a very correct person, and i somehow to meddle somewhere in something personal is something that’s called correctness , well, because somehow they don’t tell each other about personal problems in the family and it seems as if if i start asking some questions, as if i’m in i touch a person’s soul, maybe if a person doesn’t tell it himself, it means he probably doesn’t want to, that’s why you live like this, yes, it’s nice, neighborly, that is, you are three generations of the family, er, women, three generations of women, you all lived together, grandmother too i was left without my husband, which i don’t know, that is my grandfather personally, i don’t know him, you are three generations of women living in the same house

, yeah, yes, the way you lived, how your life was structured, your mother and her mother, that is, with my grandmother, they were in conflict all the time, with her everything there were some fights at the time, well, they didn’t have, as they say, there was no separation , there was no emotional separation, they always had some kind of conflicts, what did you do at that moment, when mom and mom were fighting, i i don’t have such a thing that the understanding is right, wrong, well, they conflict. and there probably isn’t any fear, when this happens every day, of course, what were you experiencing at that moment , when there were conflicts between them, i don’t even know what i was directly experiencing, although of course i wanted these conflicts not to exist, i don’t know what kind... then there may even be resentment that why they can’t live together normally, how often you became the cause of their conflict, i don’t know what the reason for their conflicts was, not that it was me, that is, they they don’t get along with each other in everyday life , let’s say they want the same thing grandmother, mother, wants something different in everyday life, that

is, why didn’t you leave your grandmother, why did you all live together? but i don’t know, that is, she was a very grandmother, well, angry, well, that is, so harsh, yes, a person, her grandmother had a difficult childhood, so he was very like that, she was a difficult person, and well, my mother was in an outburst. these fights, scandals, she wanted to, i don’t know, give up everything there, and somewhere she went with me on the street and a few hours ago she still came back, she thought, i found a letter of correspondence, her and men, like before, yeah. there were no telephones, she corresponded with letters, that is, she tried to find where to leave her grandmother, because she was such a difficult person, she wanted to leave her somewhere, find a man, she just wanted to have somewhere to go, uh-huh, so it didn’t end in anything, i didn’t find it, no, somehow it didn’t end in anything, that is, it turns out that your mother didn’t have a relationship before your eyes either, she didn’t, your grandmother

didn’t have a relationship before your eyes either, it wasn’t, that is, yours mom served your grandmother. now you are serving your mother, uh-huh, uh-huh, and when you found these letters, and you read them, what happened to you, i was very scared at that moment, because i understood that these were completely strangers, completely strangers adults people, and that my mother could go to some completely stranger man, whom she knows only by correspondence, and with me, with a small child, that unknown, there will be some man, what if he, i don’t know, hits or something else... then, to me i was scared, that is, a man is some kind of dangerous story, yes, relationships with men, well, not always, but especially if like this, just to go where, you don’t know the person at all, that is, if i knew the person , if he were somewhere among our environment, i would already know that this person is normal, you can trust him, he is kind, i would not have such fear, but just

a person by correspondence, whom i don’t even know i know, if you follow your logic, so to speak, then... live with a grandmother who constantly sharing with her mother, living with her mother, who constantly shares with her mother, is safer than living with another person, yes, because here you already know what is here, there is no unknown, but there is such an unknown that is just, just unknown , well, apparently, your mother didn’t find a man, including because she also thought so, i don’t know, maybe, well, of course you can ask her, if maybe she ’s used to it or something, or i don’t know, she didn’t want to , this is the podcast triggers with you, its host is tatyana krasnovskaya, sergey nasebyan, we have guests today maria, you said that your mother is 68, that is, you are quite a late child for that generation, have you ever asked your mother why she didn’t give birth for so long, it’s not customary for us, no matter how hard i try

not to ask the question, in fact, you live in uncertainty, if you ask, i can’t understand this, well, maybe i’ll offend her, and what can i see, she’s very vulnerable, she can cry over any nonsense, what and what , let’s, what are you really afraid of what kind of wax figure family you have there, if your mom looks, plus or minus, just like you, i can imagine what your evenings look like, you sit under a lampshade, preferably in the shade. so that god forbid i don’t fall into this bright spot on the table, because suddenly my mother sees that i have a manicure, she will be offended that she doesn’t have one, maybe i already understood, i already understood this, if i love some a new thing, she may, yes, that she doesn’t have this thing , as i guessed, what do you think, as i guessed, i

’ve been trying to show you one simple thing for 20 minutes now, that you feel nothing but fear, that it has become so normal for you that if you are fearless, well, not that fearless , but you perceive a space where there is no fear as more dangerous than a place where there is specific fear, very understandable fear, because the rules are clear here , the rails on which you and your mother ride back and forth are also clear, each of your days is similar to the previous one and each next one will be similar to this one, thank god that you came here, this greatly goes beyond the boundaries of your ordinary realities. when i yell at you what do you feel like you expect changes from me, what exactly do i feel, and that you changed your face twice when i raised my tone, you already told me everything, i want you to learn to say it to yourself, i’m not a conflicted person, even if you raise your voice at me

voice and rather, well, what’s happening to you, before you pulled away, there was another emotion, at first you had a feeling, you started to feel something, maybe you were a little offended, maybe you were, you might even be somewhere- then you wanted to get angry, yes, but then you turned on the little girl who you can scream, which you can lead, yeah, because it doesn’t exist, it’s porcelain, i’m just usually aggressive, i usually pull away and i ’m not an aggressive person, that is, i don’t respond with aggression to heating, your usual mechanism, your strategy, freeze, at least some feeling will come out and you don’t know what to expect from yourself , but oh well from yourself, you don’t know what to expect from your mother, because you can’t upset your mother, really, yes, i don’t want to upset her in

anything , mom'