live together in the same territory. well, do you mean that there is no one to tell, dear, are you washing the dishes today? well, i, of course, am not taking into account the most important intimate sphere , but nevertheless, for that is, emotional contact without physical coexistence cannot be maintained for a long time, what do you want to say, it can, but it is much more difficult, there are always risks that well, after all, when people are together, they adapt to each other, yes, relationships are dynamic things. it develops, develops, because it changes, like every person in couple, and the relationship within the couple, and when such a breakup occurs, despite the fact that yes , you can communicate there via video, nevertheless, the lack of living together, the lack of the opportunity to constantly contact each other, creates, well, some barriers and the risks of rupture increase.

well, plus we know that physical intimacy is very often such an anti-crisis method, yes, many marital conflicts, mood quarrels, they are hidden due to the fact that there is this part of your life, accordingly, i would not, again, be super categorical to say that there is no long-distance relationship and it always ends badly, but i would say that it is still quite difficult. thing, relationships are a complicated thing under ideal conditions, the divorce statistics show just this, and if we add some new difficulties to this, yes, like distance, the inability to see each other and some feeling of uncertainty about what will happen next , apparently, because, as far as i understand, the breakup occurred when there was

complete uncertainty, it lasted for several months after the lockdown, during which i was alone with the children, i realized how important it was for me to still have a person, that is, before this, well, once upon a time when i was young, there were these stories , that we could correspond with someone there for a year, we thought, oh god , this is my love, then we met once and realized that goodbye, i see you, i don’t want to know, but here, of course, for 3 years we ’ve still... we did see each other, we had different contacts, there was a lot there. warmth, emotional support, at a distance, at the same time physically, this was something you could support, feel, meet, and when i realized that there had been nothing for 3 months, when the next contact would be unknown, it was scary, it was scary it’s a tragedy to lose this, of course, it wasn’t enough for me just to call, it’s just that after what happened, how long have you not communicated , well, for the first year you maintained communication, yes,

that is, friendly, yes, he called, oh, congratulated me on my birthday , children, even sat there gifts through friends, so at some point i said that it just hurts me too much, that let’s not do it at all, that’s it, but still once every year or two, well, like this year too, i gave him the same i wrote, i couldn’t resist. he asked how, how are you, what are you, so, he was very happy, he said, well, in general, we talked and agreed that we would be glad to see each other again, but it’s not clear when, because nothing has changed with him , he can’t come to russia, and i also can’t get into his country, we’re not on neutral territory now either we can meet, milena, but there were other stories, there were other men , not just this man, yes... those with whom you

introduced your children, tell us more about this, and yes, at some point i i realized that i needed a person, and i needed a person here, and i had one who, in general, observed my situation, and he , let’s say, came out of the shadows and, and i imagined him as a friend, a friend. families for children, that is, well, we also spent time together, went to the park, celebrated a birthday, but our relationship did not work out, and in fact, we we separated, and it turns out that the person was in our lives, again the person in our lives is no longer there, the children also have questions, where is this person now?

what happened was it was difficult to figure out what to say to the children, but at the same time to be a person with whom i understand that well, we wouldn’t have... the relationship that i would like, in general, is this traumatic for children? depending on how you say it, because as i already said , yes, over five years old, children still begin to understand a lot, and this requires some openness with them, a child in general can understand that people broke up, understanding that a breakup occurred will not necessarily be traumatic for the child, well , because children in kindergarten, for example, also became friends as part of their relationship, yes, they stopped communicating, and the child has this concept in his head that you can start communicating, or

you can separate, and if you present this information to the child, then they started dating, even in children’s terms, and they started to be friends. okay, the child will take it, they stopped being friends, the child will too will perceive, the concept of love for children is more complicated, but actually it’s also possible , understandable, in simple terms, simple concepts, but actually it ’s possible, but there, first, you can talk about friendship, you can talk about the fact that she likes this person , she likes to be with him, to slowly introduce him into, well, let’s say, into the children’s world, yes, that’s what children see this person, they go to the movies with him or go to some amusement park, for example, for example, yeah, only then, when the children already accept this person, they will come to him already have some credibility, they treat him well, then we can already say that there is

a feeling for this person, i want, for example, to marry him, then the children will ask there whether he will, for example, be for them dad, this is also an important point, you have already said that dad is not the one who gave birth, but the one who raises, and considering that, after all , there are children, at least the eldest, and he is of school age, yes , he’s 10 years old, now, yes, it’s obvious that he definitely understands, understands, well, he understands, everything’s in enough in the world, then naturally he can... talk normally about these things, but how many younger? the little one is already six, she also already understands, and i understand that everyone understands everything, well, yes, this is already necessary, yes, milena did everything right, she is her friend, who was a real friend, he imagined that

this is my friend, yes great, why not, why not, yes, but when asked about whether he will become a dad, in principle, in principle, if there is no actual relationship with him, we still talk about there should still be a division in this, because for teenagers, for example, this is usually important, well, for teenagers it is often important to find out, in fact, what happened to my biological father, but where did he go? if this topic is taboo, then it will create some tension in the teenager, well, literally some kind of instability, and will probably interfere with building relationships with his own with a new family member, or with a new family member, and, accordingly, his own

romantic relationships in the future, that is, so and so, this is important, therefore, after all , the figure of the natural father, and the biological one... he needs to be put into context, that this is what he was like, and maybe even, i don’t know, about the younger one, but tell the older one , if he has an interest in this and he is already asking questions on this topic, then at least tell how we met, the history of this relationship, but we tell the truth, or the astronaut, the pilot, whoever else, the sailor, the truth, went to melting, didn’t return, that’s even if it’s unsightly, even if it’s unsightly, but we soften it, yes, but we soften, that is, soften the sharp edges, but on the whole there must be truth, because , why for a lie, yes, well, older

teenagers for a lie will lose any trust in their parents and then it will be very difficult to simply establish contact with the teenager. is there arthur, there is a certain age in children when you need to be more careful when introducing a new family member, anyone, really, well, that is , if...' if the child is in acute puberty, this is just as risky as if the child 6 years, just different risks, wait, the teenager is already used to 14 years old, here to a certain model of the world, everything is already settled for him, and his mother is actually his mother , yes, it seems that there is such a line here, direct clashes are very often, this is another kind of jealousy, in general maybe teenage , well, yes, well, yes, but this.

again, it’s not the end of the world if the child is made to understand that the mother has not gone away, well, that is, the mother also pays attention, especially since teenagers, especially older ones, do not always need attention, they are already slowly beginning to separate from the parent, well, they generally stretch, dear, i'll be smaller blow your mind, yes, the mother says to her teenage son, in general, she is not lying, and the teenager is simply happy from this information, in general , again, yes, if everything is fine with him, everything is fine, he is already glad to have a little distance, because that teenagers still love freedom, gifts need to be given to this new family member, or it will become such a bargaining bribe, with sad consequences, gifts can be given as long as it does not turn into direct bribery, and into substitution, that is i won't pay attention to you, i'll just give you a gift, so... this shouldn’t happen, you shouldn’t do this, well, that is, a gift should not be a substitute for attention and warmth, if there is

attention, if there is warmth, if there is a good relationship, then the gift will definitely not spoil anything, but if the person milena meets will understand that this is her person, will also have children of their own, well, from previous marriages, then at what point should you introduce the children, or at least talk about the fact that these are now yours, in general, where - relatives, dear, this girl, if this happens before they become relatives, that is, even at the stage of some joint trips, yes there , and trips to nature or going to the cinema , that is, on neutral territory somewhere , of course, of course, of course, my children will be happy, i’ll just find out them, right? it’s better - this is neutral territory, and naturally, not when now we all bear

the same last name, not at this moment, this is a podcast of the psyche, you can watch all podcasts on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru, this is a podcast mentally our heroine, milena, who came come to us with your question, how to properly... meet a man and bring him into the house, when you already have several not very successful experiences behind you. well, milena, do you still have questions for the psychologist at this moment? here we raised the topic of the biological father, and i remembered just such a situation that since the little girl, in principle, had not seen and does not know her biological father, and i did not raise this topic with her due to her age, but when... we broke up, so there were 3 years of relationship, i

just asked him in a playful way her, here i am your mommy, who is your daddy, well, just something like this, without a grain of doubt she told me this is our man, who was, the one who accepted her, who, well , essentially, yes, he is, and it was just such a heartbreak, because... that i was so confused, because i didn’t want it to be like this, well, that is, let me have such a thought that well, it’s good that you think that this is yours dad, because, well , the person really deserved it with everything and trust with his actions, but then at some point she she started to grow up, and actually just after 5 years, when everyone had a mom and a dad, she had this question and got involved. brother, who already understands, and he said this illusion, that is, no, it’s actually not

your dad, well, how would i admit it, well, how would i admit it, tell the story that your dad is also your brother’s dad, so, but i’m not sure that she somehow understood it then, perceived it, so yes, most likely she will return to this issue, well, it’s good that she already has a realistic picture, she probably - she will want to somehow complete this picture, well, maybe a little older. for now this is enough for her, maybe a little later she will want it, then really. you can tell the story of the relationship, you can show photographs, and if photographs of the biological father have been preserved, you can tell the story of that relationship, again, yes, so that the children can imagine, yes, how this relationship with my biological father developed, that is, why this man appeared, for example, including, yes, that is, it is clear

that, as i said, sharp corners can be smoothed out, but it's better if this story is for children. well, as honestly and logically constructed as possible, then in their heads everything will be quite smooth, stable, understandable, everything on its own shelves, but one day they may ask, mom, why don’t you and daddy communicate with our real biological one, why don’t you bring him to us, and you did something at all, i can’t influence a person to take him and bring him, then something? a bit of violence, probably, but biological dad knows where we live, knows our numbers phones, periodically, also once a year, i remind you, before our birthdays, that we have birthdays soon, if you want, mm , to congratulate us somehow, call us, that is, all

the phones are in direct access, he knows all the numbers, they know , his relatives, who, by the way, also don’t show up at all, so i did what i could, well, i don’t see the point in imposing, somehow trying to bring together, that is, if the person doesn’t want, yes, that is, the person has a new one there family, he switched, okay, i found it difficult at some point, it was unpleasant, painful, but i accepted it. that is, at some point, milena will simply need to be told this truth too, but about how the relationship with the biological father developed, perhaps without such details, if the children do not have questions, if they do, yes, of course, it’s worth answering them, if they don’t arise, then you can make the story a little shorter, that is, indicate, naturally, the separation

, maybe indicate some reasons why they separated, indicate now the position that dad has... a family, so he doesn’t see you, yes, the child will say, i’m probably bad, we’re probably such bad children that dad doesn’t want to communicate with us, naturally, this can happen if you give the children, well, some kind of negative picture, so responsibility definitely needs to be shifted towards the father, well, this is objective, this is true and the responsibility is there, not on the children, on the father, well, that is, but dad decided to separate, he decided to leave there, or start another family, he left, yes, this was his choice, well, also so-so, to be honest, the concept, yes, it would be funny if not so it’s sad, in any case , there’s no need to sweeten the pill too much, it doesn’t matter if we somehow try to sweeten this situation,

well, to sweeten it up... someone like this is more idealistic, then most likely the opposite is true for children there will be even more questions, a feeling of some kind of unrealism, understatement and something like that, yes, that well, or complexes or complexes of some kind, yes, so still , even if it is not a very pleasant story, what is important is that the child as a whole actually be able to perceive it, he will have who to rely on. and he won’t feel that he is abandoned there or somehow unworthy, this is important, everyone will wait together for the new dad, so be it, milena, i think that you really do a lot for your children, and do the right thing in general, but from what we talked, so it seems to me that you are on

the right path, complement yourself, which is really worth it... remember that life is a holistic thing, and it’s good when you have everything in this life spheres. yes, there is some ideal picture that we need to strive for, but don't forget about the rest of your life. this was a psychic podcast, where today’s expert, clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, artur timofeev , our heroine milena, and i figured out how to find a man correctly. that family where there is no father, how to introduce children correctly, what risks there are, and where is the prospect of happiness, it is always there.