[000:00:00;00] slowly, using the strategy of surviving the land, he essentially forces charles xix to depend on the convoys and ultimately go to mazepa , although the story with mazepa was a surprise for peter himself, mazepa in this sense demonstrated loyalty, unlike many previous hetmans, but this already the details, the strategy of crushing the enemy was never followed, he was a very careful commander, a fairly cautious ruler, few people in our country wonder why , in fact, as many as 12 years passed between... poltava and the non-state world, that happened, we don’t think much about it, some people think that it’s all about karl 12, this is his character, he was generally, well, he was straightforward, he was stubborn, he didn’t give up, and so on, there, nevertheless, he having returned home, after some time, it means that he again had a bunch of plans, and now he already wanted

the russians to become allies, then that’s it... all these negotiations ended, because charles x was somewhere in norway during the assault another fortress, it means he died, his sister came in, everything froze, what is peter doing? firstly, no panic, he was sure that by this moment the russian army and russian fleet were capable of defending russia. secondly, politics began, enforcement of peace, as you said, they went there and beat them all the way to poltava. the same thing was landed on swedish soil, they went and did not touch churches, did not touch the civilian population, they destroyed factories there, copper smelters there, and so on and so forth, especially since peter i removed the threat to germany, he removed troops from mecklenburg, again he didn’t take risks, it’s very it is important, and in parallel with this, it is also important to understand why for 12 years, firstly, the swedes had a fleet that also had to be beaten and gangut in the fourteenth year, green-gam then,

and the swedish fleet was defeated. the second time in view of english, by the way, but the most important thing is that during all this there is a restructuring, a radical restructuring of the entire system of government, taxation, provision of the army, the old system of the noble militia, which was dying even before peter, it did not work, yes , hence the attempts reitar regiments under mikhail fedorovich, then restored under alexei mikhailovich, this system does not work, it is outdated, accordingly, peter i introduced conscription. an unlimited source, moreover, this is a tough, very tough system , if a recruit runs, then those who accordingly provided him, those who vouched for him, there were guarantors, must take his place, a very tough system that caused opposition, but nevertheless peter provides it less, he provides the army with personnel, the army needs to be supplied, accordingly, tax reforms came from here, this very famous poll tax, hence the censuses that began, audit

tales. yes, which allow you to count how much of the population, how much can be taken from it, then all these famous incomers, yes, when yes, this must be counted, an absolutely wonderful profession has appeared, yes, where to take taxes from, and the first was, to my yard man sheremetyev , uh, sheremetyev’s butler, yes, kurbatov, who came up with the idea that you can take money from stamp paper, and this led to the fact that the paper, on on which official decrees are written must be stamped. and this accordingly rebuilds the entire legal system, that is, now only the state becomes the source of law, well, yes, yes, whoever has a stamped paper, only the sovereign, only the state, and accordingly, money goes to the state and the state again sharply increases control over citizens , here it begins to take shape, initially quite chaotically, this image of a regular state is taking shape, which is quite

modern with the ideas that were then there are, in europe, a state where the ruler, accordingly, identifies himself with the fatherland, and peter i actually identified himself with the fatherland, considered himself a servant of the fatherland, though the first, of course, but still a servant of the fatherland, but at the same time this regular state should subjugate the residents, there must be control over the residents , symbolically, peter i returns from the great embassy, ​​in addition to the fact that he chops off the heads of the archers, takes part in torture, he cuts the beards of the boyars, with his own hands, and then after some time, poltanov also shortens, that is, even if it is petty, it is control over the personal lives of the residents of the state, and all this together adds up to that pyramid of reforms, because peter’s reforms are very difficult to study chronologically, because here, then it’s impossible there, we’re still talking about them in hindsight, yes, yes,

because otherwise it’s... really chaos, peter works on the stimulus-response principle, in the first place initially, the fleet, the army, and then everything that follows, but in the end it builds up not in some simple heap, but in general a rather slender building that existed after his death. all historians, strictly speaking, they are chronologies, as you said, it is almost impossible to build there, because everything is simultaneously adjusted, corrected, expanded, canceled and so on, only then, based on the result of the reforms , they say, here are peter’s reforms, and how to do this , in this turmoil, in this great turmoil, you can only look like this and quickly jump out of there, because there is little there, little will understand, peter is correcting his own mistakes, one of the first reforms he leads, having arrived from the west, having looked at the mayors in the cities elected, immediately those who elect mayors, they have more benefits in trade and

craft, which means they will get richer, so their double impose a salary, peter rolls back, yes, peter understands that he has gone too far here, this will further be characteristic of his reign, peter managed to do everything, a lot. reformed in all areas and of course it didn’t work out everywhere, in some places it worked out great, let’s say, well, military affairs, the army, so to speak, even military training, military craft, all this was done very well and quickly, very historically, so to speak, peter even got rid of foreign advisers, because it was after peter, after peter, salaries were leveled, no, they were, but... a generation of russian officers was already rising, of course, industry is irrelevant, because so much was built, well, one example, if iron

was exported before peter, then after peter it could have been imported, on the contrary, well, more accurately on the contrary, yes, the quality is no worse, and the honor is even better, and than foreign ones, the same with weapons, and this is... a matter of national security, they purchased weapons in huge quantities, under peter they practically stopped purchasing, that is, some types of other things something was purchased, but in general they switched to their own production, a failure, of course , this was agriculture, because the country was so exhausted, the village was drained of blood, so here, of course , we should take a step forward, well, as i will take a step... there is industry in the region, it was simply impossible, we we continue to deal with peter’s reforms, in the historical podcast russia and the west on the swings of history, you said, in general, peter understood perfectly well that war

needed money, money and money, so here is the military question, military reform, it dragged everything else with it , education, of course, happened here in some special areas of education, it moved , but in general, of course, the country remained illiterate, the same as it was, those who received, so to speak, a certain education, these are, of course, specialists , that's why that they were needed, nevertheless, the academy was created, no, the academy was in st. petersburg, schools were created, schools were created, no, a lot was done, thanks to christianism all this is created, in addition to the fact that the peasants are building st. petersburg, in addition , that the driven peasants were still building that same... azov fleet , which allowed them to take it the second time, and also, these are thousands of people displaced, and then tens of thousands, and then hundreds of thousands, the petrovsky manufactories, their number under

peter increases by order, but at the same time who before peter worked in the few manufactories, there was free wage labor, including those, these were either otkhodniks, or those who earned a quitrent for the landowner, and now they enslaved them there, or a few, respectively... free people, after all, walking people, and now strictly, assigned, possession, workers, serfs, yes, who are assigned to the ural factories, the merchants get the opportunity to own them, because by the way, petrovsky’s reform is also an interesting one, first the state creates various types of merchant industries, understanding that it doesn’t work very effectively, they are sometimes simply handed over to merchants for nothing with the obligation that the merchant must fulfill the state... order, army order, first of all , the main source of development is still the state, and so this strengthening of serfdom is a huge problem about which also needs to be said, because the source of the reforms, the main one, is the tightening

of serfdom, yes, it did not begin under peter, the slavophiles here were of course wrong, they attributed to peter a sharp tightening of serfdom, it began the conciliar code is eternal enslavement, but peter i, of course, was very ethical. it goes so far as to say that the peasants, and like the former black-sowing peasants, that is , state peasants, they are now all state-owned, they level out the various subgroups. peasants also do not have the right to free movement, if you get drunk and end up in a neighboring village in a drunken shop , you are forcibly expelled back and put on notice that maybe you tried to escape, how many disputes there were about whether it was possible or impossible to reform russia, so say no as harshly as peter did, well, dashkova , for example, wrote that peter instilled some skills that the russians would still

come to communicate with. foreign camisoles, lifestyles need to be changed, no, lifestyles need to be changed, long camisoles, a different type of movement, right? yes, yes, but he had to walk around with scissors and cut, because he had to quickly, and that is, he cut everything off at once, he ran, it’s clear why, because during the astrakhan uprising, the well-known astrakhan uprising, suppressed, yes, bloody, they wrote tearful letters don cossacks to support them. what's

in these letters? yes, there are, so to speak, complaints about hardships, some kind of service, and whatnot, but first of all, the humiliation of human dignity, why are they forced to go to church in a foreign costume, why are these same beards unfortunate, and so on and so forth , tobacco makes you, it’s hard to imagine now, but in russia she didn’t smoke, she didn’t smoke, they didn’t give a damn before peter, yes, but here, that means, they are forced to smoke, so without this it was possible to reverse, russia before peter is, in fact, on the verge of the possibility of becoming a dependent country, yes , the history that eventually overtook poland, three partitions, no poland, the ottoman empire is a sick man, europe of the 19th century, which destroys all and sundry, which miraculously , in fact, is pretty much a miracle. thanks, among other things, to kimal ataturk, at the

beginning of the 20th century he retained his sovereignty, where was it all going? persia, which stole itself, simply squeezed out everything it could from its own inhabitants. china, which in the end too turned into a state torn apart and which was recovering throughout the 20th century, ultimately after the great wars. russia was waiting for this story, right? and breaking out of this addiction was painful. and the price is high, 12 million people in the country, approximately half a million losses. this is a gigantic figure, yes, just one small remark about the vital necessity of peter’s reforms, well , history in general loves paradoxes, jokes and so on, later peter became very close friends with leibniz, a famous figure, but he is there, i i don’t even know what to call him, he was everything, he was also such an encyclopedic person, everything

and a philosopher, and so they later became friends , corresponded when peter was in europe, they traveled there together, and so before peter appeared, leibnets came up with a peaceful a plan for europe so that they don’t fight each other, don’t fight, he came up with a plan by dividing the spheres. influence outside europe, there the spaniards should naturally sail to south america there and conquer something there, the french to africa, and the swedes were destined for russian earth, he just thought of everything, he was the wisest man, yes, but there was one thing that the light of peter velikov did not foresee, so let’s not reduce those opportunities to peter alone, yes, because the country had enormous potential and potential

. peter solovyov was able to use it, a significant historian, he wrote that russia was ready, was waiting for the leader, the leader appeared and russia stepped forward, if we talk about failures, peter ii, of course, made a huge bet on the fleet, but first of all, russia never had a merchant fleet received, and the navy partially rotted after peter. it is also important to understand that russia is a maritime power, russia has become a land power with a fleet, but a sea power, and this is a very difficult question, these are the guilty heirs of peter, this... there were not enough resources, but the fact remains: in russia there are incentives for development, to call things by their proper names, let’s be that capitalist relations were not enough at that time, yes, some things worked, some things didn’t work out, and there was a price for it, for all these reforms, of course, you’re right, it’s just that

a huge amount was paid, this there was a historical podcast, russia and the west on the swing of history, pyotr romanov was with you, solovyov, study history with us, without history, modernity cannot be understood, all episodes of the podcast russia west on the swing of history can be viewed on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. hello, you are watching the podcast triggers with you. psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya , psychotherapist sergei nasibyan , oksana is our guest today and we will find out why she came to us. hello oksana. hello. i came with the fact that it seems to me that after going through marriage i lost myself. being a lifeguard

being an eternal helper, from beginning to end. and now i'm at the decision-making stage. about the exit. what i got from the relationship was simply ignorance, uncertainty, the disappearance of the person, and i feel very vague about this, scared, anxious, unclear, uh , am i doing the right thing or the wrong thing, because all this is spinning in some kind of whirlwind, where feelings are mixed with which it is impossible figure out where i'm going, that's all. oksana, tell us a little story, how long have you been in a relationship? relationship is almost 8 years, and they developed as follows: i was 24 years old, i felt at the top , i fulfilled the plan that my mother expected of me, i got it, i moved to moscow, i

got an education, i built a career, i reached the position of a manager department in a mouse-building holding, again a person to subordinate. active life, exhibitions, events, while i felt that the main area in which i am simply zero is relationships, i run away from them, it is difficult for me to stay in them, because it begins a certain selectivity, i feel sympathy, i begin to analyze, but i can’t stand my own emotions, i pour them out in the form of poetry, then little by little, little by little i start to come out, i understand what’s wrong, i feel great anxiety and run away. then i decided that i needed to move towards a family, i want a family, i dreamed from the age of 7 that i would have a strong family, i would have two children, an eldest son, a younger daughter, i will definitely realize this, and throughout years, i enter into different relationships,

i observe, i understand that he is not here for me so, here i don’t feel the same either, then i have a vacation, i go to greece, there i probably for the first time in my life experience great... pleasure from solitude, in fact, being in delphi, near mount parnassus, it was a spontaneous trip, it just came to my mind, and i went there alone, rented a room there, near the mountain i understand that yes, this is a desire, it’s true, i want to be with someone, i see it, i want, so that these are two whole people, and this is a common space in which there will be happiness, there will be love, there will be attention, there will be care, there will be some kind of team, a story where we can grow together in this, as if you are already ready for this, i am ready, yes, i understand that i am ready and willing to go exactly consciously, that is, to build, yeah, i’m coming back, i meet on a dating site as a young man, we start corresponding, and this is the first person who does not start asking for a date after

3-4 days there, but he drags on, we correspond for a month, and he does not disappear, he writes, hello, how are you? every day is stable, then i start insisting on a meeting when it’s already 2 almost a month has passed, that is, once he really broke me down there, when i invited him, he said that he couldn’t , okay, got over it, then i insisted, anyway , come on, see you, it’s time, we’ll call already started over the phone, not just correspondence , we met, i invited him to a restaurant, but can i ask, until, when the initiative did not come from him, all these 2 months, how did you explain it to yourself? unpreparedness, waiting, checking, understanding how suitable we are for each other in this communication, how much they will accept it, because it more of an introverted person, can i ask tatyana now, taty, i’m just wondering why this idea came up to ask, why this had to be explained somehow, i have a hypothesis, can i

voice it a little later, of course, okay, so, you’re on a first date, yes, here he is in a restaurant, looking at the menu, saying, denmark lanterns, rice for 300 rubles, when a bag of rice costs 60, at that moment i’m like a person who, as they say, has already been on different dates, who ’s used to in restaurants, pay... for yourself, because you earn enough and can afford it, i’m sitting there like, well, well, well, probably, yes, we went too far, but i’m wondering , it’s somehow strange, it’s a date, we’re discussing rice, it’s also expensive that, well, he’s seeing him off he hugs me on the subway, like, unusual, warm, next date, i ’ll invite him. i myself pay us coupons for ceramics classes, we go with him, they tell us that you are a married couple, you have

been together for a long time, yes, how many years have you been together? this is our second date, what do you mean? yes, you look like you've been married for a long time? cute, escorts again on the subway, he kisses for the first time, okay, on the third date i invited him to my place, it was such a fix idea, have you ever celebrated catholic? christmas, no, and i, no, but let’s turn on the nightmare before christmas, cook dinner and celebrate, for now it’s a dream , for now yes, here he comes, and at the same time he also says that the most important thing, i ask you, you are for don’t try, don’t prepare me on purpose, i’ll come, you and i will choose food together, buy it together, cook it together, don’t try, god, the man of your dreams together, finally this is together happening, wow, good. comes, we have a wonderful evening, naturally, the relationship takes a new turn and

we understand that we are together for all the new year holidays, he is with me, and then i say, well , come, it seems great when we are together, such a forgotten feeling, i was just daydreaming a little while you were talking, wow , and there was the first cue ball, which i recognize after a while, he gave me comics for the new year, and i hate comics, it’s not my thing, absolutely, i love fiction, i love science fiction, i as if i was getting lost in this more, but i didn’t read this book, but i said, yes, great, thank you, but a little not my thing, i gave him lego based on star wars, because i knew that he loves star wars war, because i knew that he loves to design, he is an engineer, well, this is like the best gift, he is a little so infantile, he is still in childhood. he has a collection of tanks there, and yes, then we came to these tanks, and you said offense, that is

, you seemed to think that it was important, i should have been happy about this comics, but i wasn’t happy because i don’t like them, i honestly and openly admitted it, yeah, but, in fact, the relationship started, i have a young man, well, i’m happy, everything is fine, but before that they told me for many years that i won’t get pregnant without special therapy... therefore, i actually immediately made a reservation that there is a risk, a small risk, but if there is one, are you ready for something? yes, i want a family, yes, i ’m ready, i love children, uh, in general, everything would be great if it suddenly happens, yes, i say, okay, in principle, i’m also ready for this, i got pregnant, i got pregnant, and he was happy, jumped to the ceiling when he found out about it, i felt a slight tension, because what to do now, and i was planning to look for a new job , and then plans

change, the first fear arises, how will i cope with this? terrible toxicosis begins, he leaves cookies and water there in the morning so that i can somehow cope, i am going through pregnancy, during pregnancy we have a lot of family events, my grandmother has a stroke, i need to go to another country, and i’m going there to sell her apartment in order to transfer her to moscow, to the apartment that my mother and i bought, and accordingly i meant that i would live with my grandmother, but it didn’t mean that i would go into a relationship and also get pregnant and plan something further, that is, this is the top of my mother’s pyramid, her plan that was for me, my mother decided, and i give birth to a child, go on maternity leave, the financial situation worsens sharply, because i earned twice as much, he was her engineer. financial participation begins my mother, psychosis begins on both sides, i develop hives,

angeloedema every day, that is, i simply could not breathe, it’s you who wakes up every morning. you have everything blocked, on both sides, on the side of you and your mother or you and your husband, i was already confused in this triangle, my hands hurt, my husband ’s hands constantly hurt, i understand that something is wrong, i continue family therapy, i say, something wrong is happening to us, because again, i’m asking them to improve our situation, to decide, because i’m in a vulnerable state, and he says that he’s on beautiful legs and he can’t do anything, i can’t do anything, i say, how can you not? you are a master, you can do everything, now we will do what, how can we help you? i don’t know how to write a resume, okay, i start giving, i write a resume, i’m looking for a job for him where he will earn more, you start promoting him to family therapy, yes, i start promoting him, we go to family therapy, and they say that he has no problems, everything

suits him, you’re comfortable, you need to break off this relationship, i say? no, i just don't i give up, i don’t want to repeat the family scenario, i don’t want to be a divorcee, no, no, no, no, no, no, that’s it, no, that ’s it, goodbye, i don’t need any psychologists, i can handle it myself, i take into account the literature , i’m studying attachment theory there, because as a child, i also need to somehow, as they say , understand how it works, while i ’m burning out, slowly but surely, i feel like my life is becoming a swamp, i... all day long alone with the child, the husband works, advances in his career, he has a correspondence there, charm, hello with emoticons, here it’s also good, my mother is also moving there, she, accordingly, also has more important things to do, everyone is okay, but i, i can’t cope, i feel bad, i fall into some kind of depression, and before

that, accordingly, before depression there was a peak... moment even before the start of his promotion, when he just whined about the fact that he couldn’t cope, he couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t do anything, and his family didn’t participate in any way, but at the same time he was playing a game with his mother, running away, that is, the mother is anxious, the mother writes to him there, he does it on purpose, he sees it and he does not answer, i was good, i sent photos, i tried to write, keep in touch, because well, it’s impossible, but they don’t come to their grandson, the distance is half an hour, they don’t come to their grandson. they don’t participate in any way, at one point i was boiling, i also said that how can you help your daughter, they put him out, naked, abandoned him, my mother is also from the category of copo, why should i help you financially, why in the middle of the night, when a child has a fever, you call me, send me money, because we have no money by taxi to go to morozovskaya there, why not him, but he didn’t need it

, while i see his parallel life, he sits for... hours, he plays games on the phone, he comments on articles, and this a completely different personality, i read these comments, this is a different person, this is a cool teenager , this is something that teaches everyone to live there, it’s good what’s happening to you now, let’s go back to the present moment, what ’s happening to you now, now i’m already a mother of two children, so from him, from him, you ’re divorcing him, yes, i gave birth to a second... child, then i had a re-consciousness that i no longer wanted this, i began to work, get back on my feet, i returned to my profession, at first i worked like a man possessed, because it was just such an unstoppable fountain of what was locked in me, i i turned out to be in demand, someone needed me, there were several ways out of this relationship , the first time i drove him away, he went to live with a friend, played tanks, because at

that time he had already been playing these tanks for a year, and also spent money there, you returned him later, yes, he burst into tears, said that he was homeless and he was procrastinating in his life, yeah, you brought him back , then there was one more moment, as i understand it, there was another moment, you said several moments there was a separation, last year, when i realized , that i need to leave and sort myself out, i can’t yet make a decision about the breakup, i left for tashkent, yeah, with two children, alone, i wanted to leave with my family, i asked him, begged him for the last money, because he quit nowhere, he didn’t work, he was sitting at my house, playing, i realized that he would to work not for my uncle anymore, but for my husband for an hour, he began to earn some pennies and from time to time and every time for these pennies i also called and screamed, i’m in a state of limbo with two children, they sent me money, you returned him the next once again, i

came back, i entered this relationship again, uh-huh, what's happening now? i drove him away again, but i was interested in something else, yes, i sat, it seems to me that i have never been silent for so long in my life, listening to you, i was just watching myself. from the point of view of what is happening inside me, and i would like to i would just sit and listen, i sit and think, what kind of state do i have when you speak and the way you speak, and this state is not dividing anything, that is, i don’t want to do anything next to you, not in the sense you discourage the desire, i mean like this, no, but you arrange everything so interestingly that i just sit and think, if i could just sit straight and listen, it’s like going to a movie or... a good production at the theater, i i think it’s interesting, it seems like you came, well, how to ask for some help, yes, but at the same time

you have absolutely completely deprived me of the intention to at least somehow help you, because you talk about your drama so beautifully that you don’t want to spoil it, it’s true, you paint it just like zhulev’s tray, there’s a pattern here, a pattern there, and such backs, and such backs, i sit and think, how wonderful, were all the clients like this? how are you, you just came like that, semi-hypnosis, yes, but at the same time you hold attention, you hold attention phenomenally, that is, you directly hold this attention, i don’t fall asleep, but at the same time there are intentions of this very one, yes or there intentions, desire, something like saying, well, ask some question , i look at tanya like this, she asks a question, i think that the person is interfering, sit and listen, can you imagine the state you put in there? i won’t stand for tanya. they told me to talk, i am an experienced person, what do you think, how did you do it, i don’t know, the truth is that i toil in this circle, i understand that i can assign tasks to myself, cope with them myself

and be such a hero, but i don’t want to become a victim in all this and i don’t i want to be a hero in all this, why do you need us, why do you need people at all, why do you need people, why are you husbands at all, i don’t know, men, why are you even like this? self-sufficient, everything is so good inside you, you just explain everything inside, i want to go outside, you want to go outside, then at least a little reality begins in this sense, because you know, just imagine, you are such a cat mayun, a cat mayun, you see, yes, this is a mythological, slavic character, and his is not bayun, but mayun, not bayun, but mayun, no, there is mayun, then there are different things, mayun is the one who creates this illusion, may , so to speak, common... indo-european languages, including sanskrit and russian, and from the word may, which is an illusion, in in general, in the russian language we actually also have such a word from this word maygo the word maym and so on, so look, you create

such an illusion, create, create, create, at some point you yourself are confused, like here, because well, you have formed a certain image of this man, he told you many times made it clear that he is not the man you need... here i would ask the question, is he definitely not the man you need, perhaps he is just the one you need, but not the one expected, maybe yes, there is a point here about expectations to speak with your mouth, that is, i initially say that i love holidays there, gifts are important to me, i want a snowflake there in honor of my son’s birthday in winter, please, i like sudden flowers there, i love flowers. but you don’t even give me the opportunity to insert a word and there can be no action there, you do everything yourself, what kind of flowers, you need to find space there, i’m patient, but you

seem to be talking, but at the same time, if you live the same way as you are communicating with us now, and i’m sure that in general this is how it is, i don’t want to spoil anything, well, you did everything so well that you don’t want to spoil anything. this is the triggers podcast with you, its host is psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya , psychotherapist sergei nasibyan, and we are listening to oksana’s story. you said a very important thing at the beginning of our conversation, when you asked yours was voiced as if you had lost yourself in the relationship. yes, so you very clearly cut off two situations in your life, where you were before these delphic oracles and after, when you entered into a relationship. i didn’t sleep so that you could understand, i listened to you, the metaphor of this very illusoryness began to arise in me precisely when you said that it was in delphi, because there are delphi, delphi in general are somehow connected with a certain

mysticism , and mysticism is associated with deception, and in general, you deceived yourself very well there in this sense, so you came here to this circle of self-deception, i ’ll call it that, i don’t want to hurt your feelings, yes, but accordingly, you ’ve been giving birth there for 8 years. somehow improve the lives of other people , promote everyone, where it goes there, everyone has movement, which i have no doubt, you can ride on your energy for a long time, that’s what you said. i lost myself and i have a question for you: was that where you were with yourself until you were 24? mostly with myself, a smaller part probably with my mother, who, well, is her mother’s child, but i resisted a lot, i would somehow yourself, but that one you, as it were, well, how to say, consciously carried out these like my mother’s, pyramidal, pyramidal mother’s tasks,

so with these, well, well, i even reacted very sharply to me, i need to memorize it the way it’s written in textbook, i say, i don’t like to cram, i like to read, understand and retell in my own words , i can’t be a repeater there, i can’t there, i want to build my own, yeah, okay, that is, you were...’ what have you lost a part of yourself in this relationship? or some kind of spontaneous self, but emotional, because it’s like i’m frozen, here’s a person with a concrete slab lying on top, i can’t move in all of this, i can’t feel anything, i can’t be, and i can’t

manifest, or i, for example, during our first trip in a relationship, i started dancing in the kitchen , when i cook, listening to music and dancing, which i haven’t done for many years, not since the birth of a child there, i didn’t listen to music, i didn’t dance, so i started dancing , we are back in a relationship, i invite a person, why not they say, don’t dance together, well, somehow, as you know how, it doesn’t matter, but it will show up , yeah, but a person prefers to just stand on the sidelines and watch, it’s so funny, as if every time... you’re surprised when you meet your husband, you’re like as if every time you wonder why this man has no initiative, what is happening to him, why he doesn’t show any intention, as they say sergey, why there is no impulse, but you chose such a man, so i asked you at the very beginning, as you explained to yourself, then that, in general, you built the relationship, you him took it, and then you built a relationship with him, he was just like such a cotton doll, but this is my feeling now, that even if you don’t break up, you won’t get out... this

internal suffering that now happens to me on a regular basis, when i sit and cry for days, and come back to move again and not see, and why are you crying, about the broken dream that i will not be from the amazon tribe, like my mother and grandmother, who got divorced, because i can, i can build family, i can raise children, that it will be whole, that it will be... alive, here, ah, this is the first moment, the second moment is that i could not help the person, i could not see him, no matter how hard i tried, when in our conflicts, even i shouted about that i’m not your mother, i don’t want to raise you, i don’t want to change you, please hear, see me , here i am, he said, i’m afraid of you, i ’m afraid of you, can i voice my hypothesis, come on, hypothesis mine like that? it seems to me that

your experiences are not really connected with your husband, with the fact that you cannot escape from your mother, in fact, this has nothing to do with the husband, everything is predictable with the husband, you took, forgive me for saying this about your husband, there is no disrespect there, but you took a lack of initiative person who is just ready to be convenient, and you move on with him, and you are trying to build some kind of relationship with him, but in fact your experiences lie on a completely different plane, now this... a ton slab is your mother, this is your relationship with your mother, and not with your husband and the experiences of tears about that you still can’t break free, you still can’t to separate, separate, independence, therefore to show, and here it is precisely this figure of the mother , to whom you are joining again, this, of course, greatly scares you, yes, but at the same time, with all this, the deception lies precisely in this that this is not your fucking dream, yes, if

you, as you say, dream that you have a relationship, a family, as if it were some kind of strong there and so on, yes, this not your dream, then i think that the key betrayal occurs, from which it is very difficult to get out, because you betrayed yourself a little earlier, because if, for example, you want to be happy next to a man, then you still have everything ahead, no matter how there is no question at all, he is 30 years old, that he turned around, got divorced, moved on, and in general ... then even with this man you can still be happy, you can probably be happy with this man, but happy, as if there is no question and you could be happy there and so on, but this form, as if it becomes more important ...content for you, because, please note the fact, that for example, when your mother asks you why you call me, and not he , for example, calls his mother, well, as if i ’m calling, because my husband is not mine, suppose, yes, where from, what is this the question

is, what kind of question is this, why is she asking you this question, she initially saw that this relationship was dead, as she thinks, at least, well, yes. the last one was when i said that i checked all day, and why are you still crying? such, you know, severe devaluation that you cry, well, go ahead, humiliate yourself, call him back, that you lived well, yes, the house is dirty, he doesn’t care about anyone, he wanted to feed the children chips, what was good about that for you? no, why are you crying? mom, well, actually , i loved you, the next day i ask, what do you expect from me? that you will now begin to conquer the peaks, that you will now go there, you will move and so on , i forgot how to do this, i could do this when i fulfilled the plan to the maximum, yes, when i needed to get out of the relationship that i had in tashkent , leave all the friends i

've made, move here, start working here study at the institute, that is, i worked a full eight-hour day , i studied in the evening at the institute, i slept 4 hours, 4, 5 hours every day, lived in a one-room apartment sleeping on the kitchen sofa, then a year later i i moved into a rented apartment, i went through all this mess , then i could get out of it, move through the pain, now i can’t move through the pain, i don’t want to conquer again at such a price, so that’s the thing, i can’t do anything like that it’s necessary, oksan, there’s nothing to conquer here, because that to find yourself is, in general, to come to yourself, and here it is very important to see where you are leaving yourself, just learn to answer this question for yourself, and your body will help you in this sense, yes, which tells you psychosomatics, some kind of clamps, i don’t know, nausea, toxicosis, whatever , but it tells you when you are not there, and this feeling is very difficult to confuse,

no matter what it is, i have long forgotten how to believe your reaction, you know, when you are told from childhood that something is wrong with you, and you you think that your intuition is deceiving you, your body is deceiving you, you can’t trust anything at all, and strangely enough, you don’t believe anything, but at the same time you allow yourself to be deceived, but that ’s the point, because you live in this fairy tale, in which everything is absolutely not real, the only time, probably, when you felt real, well, the only one or not, but the most vivid one that you described was right there in delphi, where you felt that yes, i escaped from one, but had not yet entered another, and then you sat down on the train made a huge circle and returned to the point where you were in this connection with your mother, oksana, remind me what your request sounded like at the beginning of the program? losing myself in a relationship, yeah, having gone through a relationship, yes, i lost myself, i have an assumption that

it would be correct to reformulate it, but i lost myself in a relationship with my mother, it seemed to me that with my husband, having given away, so here is the husband, you see, he simply performed a certain functionality, how would you put him, say this, now i am building a relationship with you, so as not to build a relationship with my mother, which means he has become a mother substitute, so in this sense, this is the podcast triggers with you, its host is tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan, our guests are oksana, i don’t know if you will return to your hypothesis with a question, tatyana, because i just want to return to that the moment you asked the question, how did you explain it to yourself? it’s not your initiative, please come back, you’ve taken it off the tongue, i have a question, but i would have asked the question a little differently and i want to draw your attention to this, as i promised at the beginning of the program that i will return to this, you responded very easily to tannin’s question, as

you explained it to yourself there, lack of initiative, yes we call it, now it’s like that, now we know