[000:00:00;00] yes, mr. malov’s party, in general, which never ends, which goes on around the clock, 7 days a week, and no matter where he is, in st. petersburg, in moscow, in some other city, it was enough, no matter how old you were, but health enough, because probably as a child i played so much sports, any kind of sports at all, that’s just everything that was possible, football, hockey, in the winter, well , in short, i remember profikh tova. swimming, in short, well, that's it, that's it, i was an omnivore and i liked everything, and everything went away with me money for parties, just some kind of professional sport, probably, yes, but, but , in fact, there was never really a professional sport, yes, it was such a sport, always in motion, and this is always in motion, it remains now, and you wanted to travel with this money, see the world there, or didn’t have enough time, yes, i

wanted, i really wanted, but i have... in fact, i also have a story about and like, i always, of course, like to travel there and see others countries and so on, for example, in ninety-seven or ninety sixth, in ninety-six, probably, and we were supposed to be on tour in germany, we were supposed to have about 10 or 12 concerts in different cities, carmen was going, i’m a bachelor party, i already have a passport, i’m 16 years. i’m a star on a russian scale, everything’s going on, i come, so i have to go through control, and they tell me, at this, at passport control, they say, where is your permission from your parents, i’ve been living in moscow for a couple of years, yeah, i rarely call my parents , where are they, i’m already earning money, much more than my parents, parents in st. petersburg, parents in st. petersburg, and

it means so to me too. they say, and i start saying, why, here i have a passport, i’m generally like, here’s a box of cassettes, in short , i’m taking with me a box of my own, my cassettes, i say, let me give you half a box of cassettes, please, let me in, they tell me, no, it’s unrealistic, we’re bothering ourselves, i’m calling dad, dad, since he’s a military submariner there, he’s through kronshtat, through his commanders-in-chief there, he sends it by fax in an hour, and this is permission to poison, but for now this is the hour i was walking, the plane took off with the whole party, okay, okay, it came with military seals , all sorts of things, like, dad doesn’t mind, mom doesn’t mind, everything is clear, the next day, in theory,

i was supposed to fly away and to catch up with our own, that means we come and they tell me that now we are letting all the passengers through, yes , we have all the permission, everything is there, the papers are there , the ticket is there, everything is clear, now they say we are letting all the passengers through, then , and after that, like, we imprison you, but here there are also four people who are also, it means, with previous flights, i was already so nervous , it means i’m standing at this counter, they let everyone through. and i’m like, well, when i’m already, they tell me, sorry, there are no seats, they took two other passengers, i say, you ’re on tour, that’s all, and in short they say, sorry, you won’t fly today, most likely this one your ticket, it’s also somehow canceled already, and the picture just looks like this, i’m 15 or 16 years old there, i’m walking through the airport and just swearing

loudly at this whole... airport, i don’t know how i feel there was no security, nothing, but i it’s just that all the words that i knew were there, uh, i told them, and in short i didn’t fly anywhere , that’s why i love abroad, but they don’t always get there, you see, i’ve never met this border guard or a border guard who doesn’t like you i missed it on tour then, remember me, remember, let ’s turn to him now, but come on, here’s the border guard, the border guard, and you know what else is funny? after that, that’s how he didn’t let me out, an hour later, when the paper arrived, their shift changed, yeah, the next shift supervisor said, and i would have let me out, just think, in general, how is this possible, here is the border guard who didn’t let me out, of course

i want to say, damn it, but still i... am engaged in spiritual practice, so live in peace, but know that i didn’t earn much. money because of you, but i didn’t see my first love, who has been living in germany since my school, because of you, and in general, somehow the gestalt remained open, so, by the way, we just need to do a tour in germany , take a ride through the cities, everything will be fine, and i’ll forgive you right away after that. as long as your karma is like this. yes, do you remember the moment when they began to recognize you, i remember the moment, you know, when i just felt that, like, this is fame, this is what i remember, this is the moment, this, i was walking

home from school, well, like, i’m already i’m reading, damn it, it seems to me that this is 13, yes, well, like, it’s at the very beginning, i’m walking home from school, nothing interesting happens at school, so... it’s just like, i went there because like i have to go there, i don’t understand why i should go there, i don’t understand what they can teach me there, all these teachers who they say, all these, well, i don’t want to be like them, yes, because unfortunately , i had an ordinary average school and there, well, maybe there was only one teacher there who was somehow interesting, authoritative. the rest of it was just sitting around, and i was going home and from several windows of houses along the road they were playing my tracks and then i suddenly had

this realization that it was like wow, this is already cool, there were moments in life when you are right here i understood that now i would die young, of course, there were such moments, there were quite a lot, for example, in st. petersburg there is such a club-tunnel, there was, there was such a club-tunnel, this is the first club that was the founder of the development of electronic music in russia, that is , this club culture generally came from there, which means i go there periodically i went almost every day, and it means that one day, i felt something, i had some kind of acquaintance, and i see, this friend is standing and talking with some, well, such a strong, uh, skinhead, it means a young man, i’m small, at

the age of 13-14 years old, i’m approaching and i say to this idiot: this bixa is with me, and i even... well, i don’t even understand , in short, what, what were they talking about, but for him , it seemed to turn his mind upside down, he was like, what, and this guy, in short, took me by the throat, lifted me up like that, and then i realized that damn, somehow everything was not going according to the script, not according to the scenario that i had come up with for myself, so maybe they actually fit together much better. than she and i, yes, well, in general, then i had some kind of rethinking and general filtering, yeah, well, this is, for example, one of these examples, then, well, there

were quite a lot of extreme situations of all sorts, but probably the most such deaths were young people, this happened at the turn of the nineties, two thousand, and well, from 2000 to 2002 first. you were in rehabilitation, rehabbed, rehabbed, yes, rehabbed, in earnest, and yes, it turned out , then after all, that living under rehab is much more interesting, and there are also all sorts of, you know, very subtle states when there, well, the people who meditate there, the people who do yoga, the people who are simply engaged in some kind of spiritual work, and with themselves, they go to ... some other levels, which are much more interesting, and you started doing yoga , meditating, i did yoga, not only did i do yoga, i

certified, yoga teacher, firstly, secondly, my friend yulia and i opened tea in st. petersburg - a social movement called generation yoga, and which was absolutely not about money, but about... there is this knowledge and there are different, different, different, different facets, different directions, well there there is a lot of yoga, yes tamga, kudali, these are all some facets of yoga, so we came up with a story that we have a social movement, where we are all facets of yoga, which means we bring them to places where there is no yoga, and this is all interesting, for voluntary donation, like, to remove all the obstacles as much as possible and bring this knowledge as much as possible, in short, we have a bunch of people there, just a few thousand people

went through our movement, a bunch of teachers passed through, we do yoga, we bring meditation and we bring enlightenment, no alcohol in your life is no more, i have been leading a healthy lifestyle for more than 20 years, cleanliness there was a time when i was a vegetarian for 8 years, now i have such an excursion into the world, but something tells me that i’ll be going back in the near future, at most i’ll sin with a fish, yes, somewhere like that, i still know from time to time what i do, i starve, imagine, the biggest record i had was 42 days, i starved, 42 days without eating anything, yes, here he sits, alive, those were the years of touring, do you remember them,

they were messing around with the fans, something? of course i still do i actually remember, i don’t know, somehow you can imagine, it sunk into my soul, i was in volgograd, and after the concert a girl came up, just the cutest, with a perfect figure, with big beautiful eyes, just an angel, in short , i just can’t forget her, can you imagine how many times i’ve been to volgograd, that’s how i... i wanted - that after the concert, uh, there was some woman there, the girl said, but remember, but it was me, so i was just waiting, can you imagine this kind of magic, and i didn’t try to find her anymore, damn it, i i don’t know what happened, yes, either i didn’t record the phone call at all, or i don’t know how it happened, but you can find it on social networks, let’s connect our hearts, you can turn to the camera, here’s your camera. so to this volgograd girl, just tell her everything you think about her so that she

will find you. you are my precious woman, uh, that means i would really like for you to find me on some social networks, and somehow make yourself known, as if making yourself known, because it’s fleeting, this moment is tomo, uh, what between us it was, it was like that it’s cool that i still can’t forget it, that’s why. if you can, show up, great, these are the moments our life consists of, this podcast 20 years later was my guest, andrei tsyganov, aka mister small, aka andrei maloy, aka a goga, he is a zera, just a small one, at first they called you small, and then the guys, why did they attribute mr., no , they just call many small, yes, if it’s just a small shkket, it’s already small, but to add, so to speak, solidity,

after all. stage, man, so we decided that it will be mystomala, be that as it may, everything was fine and as it should have been, we are not destroying the space of the temporary cantina , we are a podcast 20 years later, i am the host konstantin mikhailov, mr. maloy was my guest, we make podcasts, we listen to podcasts, yo. funky, mami, move your legs, funkita , mamita, bonita, funky, mami, move your legs, funkita, mamita, bonito, do stress, zumba and

pilates, mista. lito your instructor aerobikos funky gymnasito for sexy mama do stress zumbe pilaates mistalito your instructorkito funky mommy. wag your feet, fankita mamita, bonita, funky, mami, wiggle your feet,

fonkitanit. bodrito exercise for sexy senorita, funky, mami, move your legs, funkita mamita, fan , mami, move your legs, fondita, momita, bonita, chiquita, shaved, pohita, tabita, malita, conchita, ponyta. funky mami, wiggle your legs, funkita mamita, bonita, funky, mami,

move your legs, funkita, momita, bonita, funky, mami, wiggle your legs, funkita, mamita. bomita, funky, mami, move your legs, fantita, mamita. hello, you are watching the podcast triggers with you his leading psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya psychotherapist sergei nasibyan. oksana is our guest today, and we will find out what she came to us with. hello. hello, oksana. hello. ah, i came with the fact that

it seems to me that after going through marriage, i lost myself. being a rescuer, being an eternal helper. from beginning to end, and now i am at the stage of making a decision, and when leaving the relationship, i received simply ignorance, uncertainty, the disappearance of a person, and i am very vague, scared, anxious about this, it’s not clear whether i’ll do it right or wrong, because all this... in some kind of whirlwind, where there are mixed feelings that are impossible to sort out, where am i going, am i in it all? oksana, tell us a little story, how long have you been in the relationship, the relationship was almost 8 years old, and it developed as follows: i was 24 years old, i

felt at the top, i fulfilled the plan that my mother expected of me, i got it, i moved to moscow, i received... an education, i built a career, i reached the position of head of a department in machine-building holding, again a person to subordination, active life, exhibitions, events, while i feel that the main area in which i am simply a zero is relationships, i run away from them, it is difficult for me to stay in them, because a certain selectivity begins, i feel sympathy, i begin to analyze, but i cannot stand my own emotions, i pour them out in the form of poetry. what’s wrong, i feel great anxiety, i’m running away, then i decided that i need to move towards a family, i want a family, i dreamed for 7 years that i would have strong family, i will have two children, an eldest son

, a younger daughter, i will definitely realize myself in this, and throughout the year i enter into different relationships, i observe, i understand that well... i’m not okay here, i’m not okay here either so, then a vacation happens, i go to greece, there for the first time in my life, i probably find great pleasure in solitude, in fact, being in delphi, near mount parnassus, it was a spontaneous trip, it just came into my head, and i went there alone, rented a room there, near the mountain i understand that yes, this is it desire, it’s true, i want to be with someone , i see it, i want it to be two whole people, and it was... a common space in which there will be happiness, there will be love, there will be attention, there will be care, there will be some kind of team story where we can grow together in this. as if you are already ready for this, i am ready, yes, i understand that i am ready and ready to go precisely consciously, that is, to build, i

come back, meet a young man on a dating site, we start corresponding, and this is the first person who starts calling the date is there 3-4 days later, but he drags it out, we correspond for a month and he doesn’t disappear, he writes, hello, how are you, every day, consistently, then i start insisting on meeting when it’s already 2 months. almost got through, that is, once he broke me up there, indeed, when i invited him, he said that he couldn’t, okay, got over it, then i insisted, after all, come on, see you, it’s time, already and phone calls began, not just correspondence, we met, i invited him to a restaurant, but can i ask, until, when the initiative did not come from him, all these 2 months, as you explained it to yourself, by unpreparedness, waiting, testing, how much will they accept him, because he is more of an introverted person, can i

ask tatyana now, i’m just wondering, why did such an idea come up to ask, why did it have to be explained somehow, i have a hypothesis, can i voice it a little later, of course, okay, so, you ’re on your first date, yes, here he is in the restaurant, looking at her, saying, danyafonel, rice for 300 rubles. when a flight package costs 60, i'm in this moment as a person who, as they say, has already been on different dates , who is used to paying for himself in restaurants because he earns enough and can afford it, i’m sitting there like, well, well, well, probably, yes, i went too far , but i’m wondering, something is somehow strange , a date, we’re discussing rice, it’s still expensive, then, well, he accompanies me to the subway, hugs me, warm, unusual, warm, next date, i

invite him myself, i pay us coupons for ceramics classes, we go with him, we they say that you are a married couple, you have been together for a long time, yes, how many years have you been together? this is our second date, what do you mean? yes, you look like you've been married for a long time? nice, escorts you back to the subway. kisses for the first time, okay, on the third date, i invited him to my place, it was such a fix idea, have you ever celebrated catholic christmas, no, and i haven’t, but let’s turn on the nightmare before christmas, cook dinner and celebrate, bye dream woman, so far yes, here he comes, and at the same time he also says that the most important thing is that i love you please, don’t try for me, don’t cook specially, i’ll come, you and i will choose the products together, we’ll buy them together at. don’t try, oh my god, the man of your dreams, together, finally it’s happening

together, wow, good, he’s coming, we have a wonderful evening, naturally, the relationship takes a new turn and, well, we understand that we’re together for all new year’s holidays, he’s with me, and then i say, well, come, it seems, it’s great when we’re together, such a forgotten feeling, i read it while you’re talking, wow, and there was the first cue that i recognize after a while, he gave me comics for the new year, and i hate comics, it’s not my thing, absolutely, i love fiction, i love science fiction, i seem to get lost in this more, but i didn’t read this book , but i said, yes, great, thank you, but a little not mine, i gave him legos based on star wars, because i... i know that he loves star wars, because i knew that he likes to design, he is an engineer , well, this is like the best gift, he

’s a little childish, he’s still in childhood, he had a collection of tanks there, and yes, then we came to these tanks , and you said insult, that is, you seemed to think that it was important, i should have been happy about these comics, but i wasn’t happy, because that i don’t love them, i honestly and openly admitted it, yeah, the relationship actually started, i have a boyfriend. well, i’m happy, everything is fine, but before this i was told for many years that i wouldn’t get pregnant without special therapy, my provacten levels were off the charts, so i actually immediately made a reservation that there was a risk, a risk small, but if it is there, are you ready for something? yes, i want a family, yes , i’m ready, i love children, in general, how great everything would be if it suddenly happened, yes, good, in principle, i’m also ready for this. i became pregnant, i became pregnant, he was happy, he jumped to the ceiling when he found out about it, i

felt a slight tension, because what should i do now? i was planning to look for a new job, but then plans change, the first fear arises, how will i cope with this? terrible toxicosis begins, in the morning he leaves cookies and water there so that i i managed somehow, i’m going through pregnancy, during pregnancy we have a lot of family events, my grandmother has a stroke, i need to go to another country, and i’m going to her there to sell an apartment in order to transfer her to moscow, that apartment, which my mother and i bought, and accordingly i meant that i would live with my grandmother, but i did not mean that i would go into a relationship and also get pregnant and plan something further, that is, this is the top of my mother’s pyramid, her plan, who was on me, mom decided i, and i i give birth to a child, go on maternity leave, my financial situation deteriorates sharply, because i earned twice as much, he was

an engineer in it , my mother’s financial participation begins, psychosis begins on both sides, i develop hives, angeloedema daily, that is, i i just couldn’t breathe, it’s every morning, you wake up, everything is congested, on both sides, on the side of you and your mother, or you and your husband, i’m already entangled in this arm triangle, my husband’s arms constantly hurt, i understand that- either way, i suggest family therapy, i i say, something wrong is happening here, because again, i’m asking them to improve our situation, to decide, because i’m vulnerable... and he says that he’s on fucking legs and he can’t do anything, i i don’t know how to do anything, i say how you can’t, you have a master’s degree, you can do everything, now we’ll do what can we do to help you, i don’t know how to write a resume, okay, i ’m starting to give, i’m writing a resume, i’m looking for a job for him, where will he earn more, in

the family you start promoting him, yes, i start promoting him, we go to family. no, i won’t give up that easily, i don’t want to repeat the family scenario, i don’t want to be a divorcee, no, no, no, no, no, no, well, no, that’s it, goodbye, i don’t need any psychologists, i can handle it i myself, i take it into account with the literature, i study attachment theory there, but i also need the child to somehow, as they say, understand how to work. at the same time, i’m burning out, slowly but surely, i feel like my life is becoming a swamp, i’m alone with my child all day long, my husband works, he’s advancing in his career, he has there is a correspondence there, charm, hello with emoticons, that’s also good, my mother is also moving there, accordingly, she also

has more important things to do, everyone is okay, but i can’t cope. not bad, i’m falling into some kind of depression, and before that, accordingly, before the depression there was a peak moment, even before the start of his promotion, when he was just whining about the fact that he couldn’t cope, he couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t do anything, but his family did not participate in any way, but at the same time he played a game with his mother, running away, that is, his mother is anxious, mom writes to him there, he does it on purpose, he sees it and he doesn’t answer, i was good, i sent photos... i tried to write, keep in touch, because well , it’s impossible, but they don’t come to their grandson, the distance is half an hour, they don’t come to their grandson, they don’t participate in any way, at one point i was boiling, i also said that how can you help your daughter, they put him out naked, abandoned him, my mother also dug out of the category, why should i help you financially, why in the middle of the night, when the child has a fever, do you call me, come me money, because we don’t have money for

a taxi to go to morozovskaya there. why not him, but he didn’t need it, while i see his parallel life, he sits in the toilet for hours, he plays games on his phone, he comments on articles, and this is a completely different person, i read these comments, this is different man, this is a cool teenager, this is something that teaches everyone to live there, okay, aksan, what’s wrong with you now, let’s go back to today, what ’s happening to you now? now i’m already a mother of two children, so, from him, from him, yeah, with you are getting a divorce, yes, i gave birth to my second child, then my re-consciousness kicked in that i didn’t want this anymore, i started working , getting back on my feet, i returned to my profession, at first i worked like a man possessed, because it was just such an unstoppable fountain of what was locked in me, i turned out to be in demand, someone needed me, there were several

ways out of this relationship, the first time i drove him away. he went to live with a friend, played tanks, because at that time he had already been playing these tanks for a year, spent more money there, you brought him back later, yes, he burst into tears, said that he was homeless and he... we’re moving on with everything in our lives, yeah, you brought him back, then there was another moment, as i understand it, there was another moment, you said, we broke up for a few moments, last year, and when i realized that i needed to leave and sort myself out, i still can’t make a decision about breaking up, i left for tashkent, yeah, with two children, alone, i wanted to leave with my family, i i asked him, i begged him, for the last money, because he quit his job. he didn't work, he sat with me at home, playing, i realized that he would no longer work for his uncle, and as a husband, for an hour he began to earn some pennies and from time to time, and every time for these pennies, i also

called and screamed, i am here in a state of limbo with two children, they came money , you brought him back again next time, i came back, i entered into this relationship again, now what’s happening, i drove him away again, but i’m interested in something else. yes, i sat, it seems to me that i have never been silent for so long in my life, listening to you, i just watched myself, from the point of view of what is happening inside me, ah, and i would just sit there and listen, you know, i sit and think, what kind of state do i have when you speak and the way you speak, and this state of doing nothing, then i don’t want to do anything next to you, i don’t mean you discourage the desire, just like that, no, but you arrange everything so interestingly that i just sit and think, if only i could sit straight and listen, it’s like going to the movies or to a good theater production, i think it’s interesting, it seems like you came, well, to

ask for some help, yes, but at the same time you have absolutely completely deprived me of the intention to at least somehow help you, because you talk about your drama so beautifully that you don’t want to spoil it, you’re just like... you paint a tray and there’s a pattern here and a pattern there, and such backs , and such backs, i sit and think, how wonderful, all the clients were like you, you just came like that, semi-hypnosis, yes, but at the same time you hold attention, you hold attention phenomenally, that is, you directly hold this attention, i don’t fall asleep, but at the same time i have this same intention, yes or there are intentions, desire, and somehow say, well, ask some question. i look at tanya like this, she asks a question, i think what’s stopping a person, sit and listen, can you imagine the state you’ve put into, well, i won’t speak for tanya, lead me, i’m an experienced person, what

do you think, how you did it, i don’t know, the truth is that i toil in this circle, i understand that i can assign tasks to myself, cope with them myself and be such a hero, while i don’t want to become a victim in this in everything and i don't want to be hero in all this, so that’s the point? why do you need people at all, why do you need people, why do you need husbands at all, i don’t know, men, why do you need anyone at all , you are so self-sufficient, everything is so good inside you, you’ll definitely explain everything inside, i want to go outside, you want outside, then at least a little reality begins in this sense, because you know, imagine, you are such a cat mayun, and the cat is mayun, you understand, yes, this is a character, a mythological, slavic one, and his is not bayun, but mayon , why moyun. mayun, no, there is mayun, then there are different things here, mayun is the one that creates this illusion of may, this is, so to speak, a commonality of indo-european languages, including sanskrit and russian, and from the word

may, that there is an illusion, in general, here in our in fact, in the russian language there is also such a word, from this the word maygo the words may there and so on, so look, you create such an illusion, create, create, are created, at some point you yourself are confused, like here , because... well, you have formed a certain image of this man, he many times he made it clear to you that he is not the man you need, but each time you managed to convince yourself that now everything will be, now we will do everything, here i would ask the question, is he really not the man who is needed, perhaps it is just the one that is needed, but not the one that is expected, maybe, yes, there is a point here, about expectations, talk with your mouth, that is, i initially say that i love holidays there, gifts, i i want a snowflake there in honor of my son’s birthday in winter, please, here i am i like sudden flowers, i love flowers very much, but you don’t even give me the opportunity to insert a word and

there can’t be any action there, you do everything yourself, what kind of flowers, you have to find the space where the flowers are, i’m patient, but here you are as if you say, but at the same time, if you live the same way as you communicate with us now, and i’m sure that in general this is the case, then... i don’t want to spoil anything, you know, you’re still like that they did it well, i don’t want to spoil anything, this is the triggers podcast with you, its host psychologist tatyana krasnov. and psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, can i voice my hypothesis? come on, my hypothesis is this, it seems to me that your experiences are actually connected and not with your husband, with the fact that you cannot escape from your mother, in fact, this has nothing to do with your husband, everything is predictable with your husband, you took it, i'm sorry that i'm talking about your husband, there's no disrespect there, but you took an uninitiated person who is just ready to be convenient, and you move on with him, and you try to

build some kind of relationship with him, but in reality, experiences yours lie on a completely different plane, and now this concrete slab is your mother, this is your relationship with your mother, not with your husband and the experience of tears about the fact that you still can’t escape, you still can’t share, independence, therefore, to show, and here it is precisely this figure of the mother , whom you again join, this, of course, greatly scares you, yes, but at the same time with everything... the deception lies precisely in the fact that this not your fucking dream, yes, if you, as you say, dream of having a relationship, family, there, as if it were some kind of strong, and so on, yes, this is not your dream, then i think that the key betrayal occurs, from which it is very difficult to get out, because you betrayed yourself a little earlier, because if , for example, you want to be happy next to a man, then you still have everything ahead, no matter how there is no question at all, he is 30 years old, that

he turned around, got divorced, moved on, and in general, even you can still be happy with this man, you can probably be happy with this man to be happy, but happy, no matter how there is no question, you could be happy there and so on, but this form, as if it becomes more important than the content for you, because pay attention to the fact that, for example, when your mother they ask you why you call me, and not he, for example , calls his mother, well, how would i call , because my husband is not mine, suppose, yes, from where, what kind of question is this, what is this question, why she is asking you this question, she initially saw that this relationship was dead, what does she think, at least, well, yes, the last one was when i said that i checked all day, she says, why are you still crying, such, you know, severe devaluation that you are crying, well, go ahead,

humiliate. the dirt of the house, he didn’t care about everyone, he wanted to feed the children chips, what was good about it for you, no, why are you crying, mom, well, actually , i loved you, the next day i ask, what do you expect from me, well, what do you now you will begin to conquer the peaks, that you will now go there , you will move, and so on, i forgot how to do this, i could do this when i did maximum plan, yes, when i need it. get out of the relationship that i had in tashkent, leave all my friends that i made, move here and start working here to study at the institute, that is, i worked a full eight-hour day, i studied at the institute in the evening, i slept for 4 hours, for 4 to 5 hours every day, i lived in a one-room apartment, theirs, sleeping on the kitchen sofa, then a year later i moved into a rented apartment, i went through this whole meat grinder, then i could

get through the pain. move now i i can’t move through the pain, i don’t want to conquer again at such a price, so the fact of the matter is that you don’t need to do any of this, here you don’t really need to conquer anything, because finding yourself is, in general, come to yourself, and here it is very important to see where you are leaving yourself, just learn to answer this question for yourself, and your body will help you in this sense, yes, which tells you psychosomatics, there are some kind of clamps, not i know, nausea, toxicity, whatever, but it tells you when you are not there, and this feeling is very difficult to confuse with something that has never happened before, i have long forgotten how to trust my reactions, you know, when you are told from childhood that something is wrong with you, and you think that your intuition is deceiving you, your body is deceiving you, you can’t trust anything at all, and strangely enough, you don’t believe anything, but at the same time you allow yourself to be deceived, but that’s the point, because you live in this fairy tale. in which everything is absolutely not real.

the only time, probably, when you felt real, well, the only one or not, but the brightest one that you described was right there in delphi, where you felt that yes, i had escaped from one, but had not yet entered another, and then you took the train, made a huge circle and returned to the point where you were in this connection with your mother. oksana, remind me how your request sounded at the beginning of the program, losing yourself in a relationship, yeah, having gone through a relationship, yes, i... lost myself, i have an assumption that it would be correct to reformulate it, but i lost myself in a relationship with mom, me it seemed that with her husband. having distributed, so, and here the husband, you see, he simply performed a certain functionality, as if you put him in, said, well, now i’m building a relationship with you, so as not to build a relationship with my mother, exactly, he became a mother’s substitute, so in this i mean, grandpa is a real wizard from childhood, i have three granddaughters , i would like them to come to me

here together, hang out, yes, magic is happening now, i think that... we need fairy tales, because reading fairy tales with grandpa - this is generally the best thing that can happen, what the most my favorite thing is to build a house, you just plunge into your childhood, yes, it will be a real surprise, surprise, surprise, about comfort, the premiere , tomorrow on the first, fish, hello, let's take a ride on the ship, we'll see. from the water, rybensk took its beginning from a fishing settlement, where fishing once took place, in one season our merchants made a real economic breakthrough, the proceeds were pumped into modern conversion for 37 billion, the most important shot in golf, you know what, the second,

next, both, oh, oh, this is very fast excursion, i won’t remember anything at all, in rybinsk i need to find fish, really fresh, yesterday i swam, i’ll lubricate everything now. very rich, just rich taste, almost like japanese smoked eel, it turns out, rybinsk smoked eel, premiere, cooks on wheels, on sunday on the first, this is the podcast triggers with you, its host tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasibyan, our guest is oksana, i don’t know if you will return to your hypothesis with a question, tatyana. because i just want to go back to that moment when you asked a question, as you explained to yourself, come back, please, uninitiatively, you took it off your tongue, i have a question, but i would have asked the question a little differently, and i want to draw your attention to this, as i

promised at the beginning of the program that i will return to this, you responded very easily to tanya’s question, as you explained it to yourself there, lack of initiative, let’s call it, now it is so, now we know. before that, you described that the shtir should simply come to the music of these moments of spring, and you very easily responded and began to explain accordingly, and with such joy, you know, sat down on such a psychological defense, which is called rationalization, yes, one of my favorites, of course, i then had to explain everything to myself, i then understood it, why did i ask the question, why do i need to explain, i i would still ask the question, what did you feel when men... don’t answer, when a man doesn’t insist, when a man doesn’t take the first steps, what did you feel at that moment, what did you have to rationalize, anxiety, and what were you worried about? , and then what about there’s something wrong with me, and they don’t choose me, they don’t choose me, yes, so he never

chose you, and i’m afraid that mom is also not indicative in this regard, because mom seems to choose you only when everything is fine with you, yes, but you are real, are you weaker? there and stupid, there and sometimes aimless, sometimes lazy, that is, all those qualities that, because i said, at the very beginning of your story, i said, while it sounds like a woman's dream, and you are that, there is a woman dream, dream man, you are a friend, dream, well, you are wonderful, this is wonderful, only you feel very lonely inside there, yes, because behind all this beautiful spacesuit, and i see tunokuya. a very small girl who really can’t cope with what’s on the outside, and as if in a real relationship, then you haven’t been in it yet, you’re already a mother of two children, as if you’ve never been in a real relationship, so you need to get out of there, recognizing absolutely all

the qualities in yourself, all the flaws that are inherent in other people, recognizing, accepting, but moving on, without creating illusions, your task now find a way. get out of this spacesuit of a cool daughter, a cool mom, a cool wife, a cool friend, a cool woman, a cool teacher, a cool employee, well, you just need to get out of this space suit and really feel the pain that you have been avoiding for so many years, and may not choose , but yes, of course there is such a risk that they may not choose, but otherwise, people who do not choose themselves, yes, but otherwise you seem to be married to yourself, and everywhere you seem to be in a relationship with yourself, there is no other as a person, you allow such an opportunity to encounter this reality, you create such a cushion between you and other people, it is closed very much by actions, activity, this contribution, giving, as you call it.

support, promotion, all this, in order not to collide, not to show my true self, i noticed this in myself, that it’s easier to mold such a golem, but yeah, because i’m not sure that i can handle it, because i i’m not sure that i can be there for you joyful, happy, happy with everything, but here here’s a simulacrum, here you go, i have an assumption that you don’t really build such close relationships with children, but replace it all with this activity, i ’m breaking through, i’m breaking through in this, namely because of the children, when i i understand that my first point is not to cause psychological trauma, and i realized that without causing psychological trauma, it seems that i cause them, by the fact that i start stuffing the child there with knowledge, i start forcing the child there... or rather, turning the child into a perfectionist, of course, but by inflicting, you

just inflict it even with your absence, because you are not alive, you stop the race, oksan, really , try not to avoid the pain oksan, find your own way to experience the pain, where the real loneliness is, where it really hurts from not being taken away , uh, and in general, in principle, get to know yourself, you know, then you will only begin to get acquainted, otherwise the creation of this shell, this tool, you will pass on... then it will be more improved in your children, do not pass on this baton, i can i'll to ask what was most important for you today, what you endured, to live through pain, to grow through pain, you really really don’t want to, and that’s what i’m faced with now, when the relationship ended with me constantly asking, to be constantly in the position of a beggar. the fact that the family has debts, that the financial situation is difficult , yes, i work, but this is still not enough

for a family of two children and two adults, then she offered to just live separately, the person decided to now, it seems the most it started just now, and he disappeared, he lived in a change house, somewhere on a construction site, and i called and said how is this possible, then tell me, you give up children, you give up everything, i... for you too, i filed for divorce, sad, but i expected this from you, i can’t resist your decisions, i ca n’t do anything, i don’t feel like i can change anything, wait, seriously, i you don’t care about me so much , i feel that i ’m probably making a mistake, i’m destroying what you and i seem to know about, he’s an excellent indicator for you of how to choose himself, it seems to me that he is wonderful in this sense to show off, so yes, it’s so convenient for him. you watched the podcast triggers and with you were its hosts, psychologist, psychotherapist, tatyana

krasnovskaya, psychologist, psychotherapist, sergey nasebyan, you can watch all podcast lab projects on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. hello, the program is about the most notable events of this day. troop control, vladimir putin at the headquarters of the southern district, what was reported to the supreme commander-in-chief on the progress of the special operation and what was in the report for 7. the ancient walls were not saved, a pile