investment company arcellor we have seen all sorts of companies, good, not so good, but this company turned out to be the worst. the investment company is part of the world's largest metallurgical holding arcelor, founded by an indian businessman. the kazakhstani subsidiary of the holding manages not only the kostenko mine, but also others throughout the country. and questions about how the investor invested in the safety of workers arose for a long time. 15 years in the mines under his control, according to local journalists , more than 100 people died, this does not count the victims today's tragedy, sunday october 29 has been declared a day of mourning in the country. kiril brian, vladimir bilyaev and sergey nashchokin channel one. more than thirty dead and sixty injured in egypt after an accident on the cairo alexandria highway, a bus and several cars collided. some of them caught fire. one of the cars had an oil leak, which led to such a big one. tp,

two dozen ambulances arrived at the scene, all the wounded were taken to hospitals, according to preliminary information, russians were among injured. update on the public services portal; today two-factor authentication has become mandatory for all users. min-digits reported that now, in order to enter the portal, after entering your login and password, you need to use a one-time code received via sms or from the application. another option to log in using biometrics is all needed for additional protection. personal data, as noted by the ministry of digital development, the second protection factor has already been activated by more than 41 million people, which is almost half of the portal’s users. they took place in lugansk competitions, the significance of which is difficult to overestimate, literally everyone became the best, our soldiers who were seriously wounded in the zone of a special military operation, through sports they return to an active, full of emotion life. excitement, desire to win, team spirit, all this in a positive way with faith in yourself and your comrades, with the support of specialists and, of course, those closest to you. in

the sitting volleyball team of the donetsk people's republic, sergei is famous not only for his powerful serve, but also for his rare ability not to lose heart even in the most difficult life situations. seriously wounded last year, in the battles for mariupol, he received several complex operations, long-term rehabilitation, life was divided, as they say, into before and after, and after that it opened up for sergei from an unexpected side. life has changed radically, it has become richer, more interesting, surprisingly , i didn’t even think it was necessary. it was necessary to lose a leg so that life would change for the better, with his positive mood he energizes the entire team, which is almost half made up of combat veterans. mikhail vyunov lost his leg in 2018 and after rehabilitation for 3 years he commanded a platoon on the front line. the trauma is in our heads, in fact, all the restrictions are in our heads, if you are ready to continue to serve, if you are ready to benefit society, your homeland, but nothing will hold you back, all commanders are only willing to meet.

and there are a lot of people like him here with a steely character and iron nerves in his unit, it’s just that heroes are usually modest people, they don’t like to promote themselves, on vkontakte they don’t throw themselves out with a prosthesis, with a machine gun under every tree, we have one-legged signalmen who walk tench, well, right at the front line, communications are being restored there, volleyball competitions are sitting in lugansk for the first time, in addition to the hosts of the tournament, teams from moscow, st. petersburg and donetsk are participating in them. the playing field is of course much smaller, the net hangs much lower, athletes who are on... on the front line at the net can block serves, play above exclusivity, even when receiving the ball they cannot rise above the court, otherwise everything is the same as in classic volleyball, including sports spirit and competitive an excitement that never went away. after each game, everyone is squeezed like lemon, but their eyes glow with happiness, the players fight with boyish enthusiasm for every serve, for every ball, during the game the athletes break away from stalemates, you lean on your hands, move, but you have to react quickly, raise your hands to accept.

that is, everything needs to be done a little faster, despite the fact that it seems to be a paralympic sport, let’s say it’s adaptive, it should be a little lighter, but here it’s the other way around, you have to be a little faster in order to with the same hands, move yourself and receive the ball, the lugansk team is the youngest at the tournament, the guys, with the support of the popular front, began training this spring, new acquaintances, new sensations, it’s like we went to moscow twice, it’s already very good, i liked it, just go ahead and not one step back. the guys are trying, the guys are moving forward, they participated in the russian championship for the first time in their history, they saw the level of how other teams play, and i think that this will be a good impetus for attracting new players and for improving their level. they realized from their own experience that sport is the best cure for the blues of despondency and now they want to convey to other svo veterans that even after a serious injury, life does not stop, it becomes different, and it depends on the person himself which one.

you can live with this and... it is still difficult for beginners to compete with recognized masters from moscow and st. petersburg, but the coaches are confident that the guys will succeed, they are no strangers to difficulties, next month the team from donetsk is expected at the next all-russian competition in omsk . olek shishkin, dmitry kochurin, alexey bokhvalov, first channel lugansk people's republic. the third stage of the russian grand prix in figure skating started in krasnoyarsk today. an unexpected result after the girls’ short program, after the first day of skating. stage in omsk, among men , dmitry aliev was in first place after the short program, he cleanly performed a quadruple and triple tuluk roll and other complex elements , scoring more than 100 points. in pair skating there were no sensations, alexandra baykovy is in the lead and dmitry kozlovsky, the current

champion of russia. as for ice dancing, the favorites, alexandra stepanova and ivan bukin, are in first place by a significant margin. tomorrow the free program, the competition will be shown live on channel one, from the start at 15:20, also watch the broadcasts of the grand in russia on our website 1tv.ru. hello, you are watching the podcast triggers with you, its leading psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya , psychotherapist sergey nasebyan. oksana is our guest today, and we will find out what she came to us with. hello, oksana. hello. i came with the fact that it seems to me that having gone through marriage, i lost myself,

being a rescuer, being an eternal helper, from beginning to end. and now i... at the stage of making a decision to leave the relationship, i received simply ignorance , uncertainty, the disappearance of a person, and i feel very vague about this, scared, anxious, it is unclear whether i will do the right thing, the wrong thing, because all this is twisted into a certain such a whirlwind where there are mixed feelings. with which it is impossible to figure out where i am going, am i in it all? oksana, tell me a little history, how long have you been in a relationship, the relationship is almost 8 years old, yeah, and it developed as follows: i was 24 years old, i felt at the top, i

fulfilled the plan that my mother expected of me, i got it, i moved to moscow, i got an education, i built a career, i reached a management position. or a department in a mouse-building holding, again a subordinate person, active life, exhibitions, events, while i feel that the main area in which i am simply a zero is relationships, i run away from them, i am in them it’s difficult to linger, because a certain selectivity begins, i feel sympathy, i begin to analyze, but i cannot stand my own emotions, i pour them out in the form of poetry, then little by little, little by little i begin to come out. i understand what’s wrong, i feel great anxiety, i’m running away, then i decided that i need to move towards a family, i want a family, i dreamed for 7 years that i would have a strong family, i would have two children, an eldest son, a younger daughter, i will realize myself in this, for sure, and throughout

the year i enter into different relationships, observe, i understand that it’s not right for me here, it’s not right for me here either, then it happens. i’m leaving for greece, where for the first time in my life i probably find great pleasure in solitude , in fact, being in delphi, near mount parnassus, it was a spontaneous trip, it just came to my mind, and i went there alone , i rented a room there, near the mountain, i understand that yes , this is a desire, it’s true, i want to be with someone, i see it, i want it to be two whole people, and it was a common space in which will happiness, there will be... love, there will be attention, there will be care, there will be some kind of team story where we can grow together in this, as if you are already ready for i am ready yes, i understand that i am ready and ready to go exactly

consciously, that is, to build, i come back, meet a young man on a dating site, we start corresponding, and this is the first person who doesn’t start asking for a date after 3-4 days there, but he drags on, we sign up for a month and he doesn’t disappear, he writes: hello, how are you, every day, stable, then i start insisting on meeting, when 2 months had already passed, that is, once he really broke me down there, when i invited him, he said: that he couldn’t, okay, got over it, then i insisted, after all, come on, see you , it’s time, the phone calls have already started, not just correspondence, we met, i invited him to a restaurant, but can i ask, until, when the initiative did not come from him, all these 2 months, as you explained it to yourself, unpreparedness, waiting, checking, understanding how suitable we are for each other in this communication, how much... will they accept him, because he is more of an introverted person

, can i ask tatyana now, i’m just wondering why such an idea came up to ask, why it was necessary to explain this somehow, i have a hypothesis, can i voice it a little later, of course, good , so, you’re on a first date, yes, here he is in a restaurant, looking at the menu, saying, dan lanterns or rice for 300 rubles, when a bag of rice costs 60, at that moment i , as a person, have already been, as they say, to different dates, who is used to paying for himself in restaurants because it’s enough earns money and can afford it, i’m sitting there like, well, well, well, probably yes, they went too far, well, i’m wondering, somehow this is strange, on a date, we’re discussing rice, it ’s still expensive, then what, well, she accompanies me to the subway, hugs me, warm, unusual, warm. on the next date, i invite him myself, pay us coupons for

ceramics classes, we go with him, they tell us that you are a married couple, you have been together for a long time, yes, how many years have you been together? like, this is our second date, what are you? yes, you look like you married for a long time, cute, sees him off on the subway again, kisses him for the first time, okay, i invited him on the third date, it was such a fix idea, have you ever celebrated catholic christmas? no, and i don’t, but let’s turn on the nightmare before christmas, cook dinner and celebrate the dream, bye yes, here he comes, and he also says that the most important thing, i ask you, don’t try for me, don’t cook on purpose , i’ll come, you and i will choose the products together, we’ll buy them together, we ’ll cook them together, don’t try, oh my god, man

dreams together, finally this is happening together, wow, good, he arrives, we have a wonderful evening, naturally, there the relationship reaches a new level, and we understand that we are together, for all the new year holidays, he is with me, and then i say, well, come, it seems great when we are together, such a forgotten feeling, i was just daydreaming a little while you were talking, so... at the same time, there was the first cue ball, which i recognize after a while, he gave it to me for a new one year of comics, and i hate comics, it’s not my thing, absolutely, i love fiction literature, i love science fiction, i kind of get lost in this more, but i didn’t read this book, but i said yes, great, thank you, but well, it’s a little not mine, i gave him lego based on star wars, because that i knew that he loved star wars, because i knew that he loved to design ... he’s an engineer, well, that’s the best gift, he’s a little childish, he’s still a child, he has a collection of tanks, huh, yes,

then we came to these tanks, and you said insult, that is, you seemed to think about that it was important to be happy with these comics , but i wasn’t happy, because i don’t like them, i honestly and openly admitted it, yeah, but, in fact, the relationship started, i have a young man, well , i’m happy , everything is fine, but for me...’ before that, they had been saying for many years that i wouldn’t get pregnant without special therapy, my provactin levels were off the charts, so i actually immediately made a reservation that there is a risk, the risk is small, but in the event, if it is, are you ready for something? yes, i want a family, yes, i do i’m ready, i love children, in general, how great everything would be if it suddenly happened, yes, good, i’m basically ready for this too, i got pregnant, i got pregnant, and he was happy, he jumped to the ceiling when he found out about it, i felt slight tension, because what

should we do now? i was planning to look for a new job, but then plans change, the first fear arises, how will i cope with this? terrible toxicosis begins, in the morning he leaves cookies and water there so that i can somehow cope, i’m going through pregnancy, during pregnancy very bad things happen to us a lot of family ones. my grandmother has a stroke, she needs to go to another country, and i’m going there to sell her apartment in order to transfer her to moscow, to the apartment that my mother and i bought, and accordingly i said: that i will live with my grandmother, but didn’t mean that i would go into a relationship and also get pregnant and plan something further, that is, this is the top of my mother’s pyramid of her plan, which was for me, my mother decided, and i give birth to a child, go on maternity leave, my financial situation worsens sharply because i earned money in twice as much, he was an engineer in it, the financial part of my mother begins,

psychomatism begins on both sides, i develop hives. angek is daily, that is, i simply could not breathe, every morning you wake up, everything is congested on both sides, on the side of you and your mother or you and your husband, i was already confused in this triangle, my husband’s hands hurt, my husband’s my hands hurt, i understand that something is wrong, i offer family therapy, i say, something wrong is happening here, because again, i’m asking there improve our situation, decide, because i’m in a vulnerable state, and he says that he can’t do anything on his damn legs, i can’t do anything, i say how you can’t, you ’re a master, you can do everything, now we’ll do what can we do to help you, i don’t know how to write a resume, okay, i’m starting to give , i’m writing a resume, i’m looking for him a job where he will earn more, in a family one, you start promoting him, yes, i’m starting to promote him,

we go to family therapy, and they say that he has no problems, he’s all i’m happy with you, you’re comfortable, you need to break off this relationship , i say, no, i won’t give up that easily, i don’t want to repeat the family scenario, i don’t want to be a divorcee, no, no, no, no, no, no, like that, no, that’s it, goodbye, i don’t need any psychologists, i can handle it myself, i take into account the literature, i study attachment theory there, because as a child i also need to somehow, as they say , understand how it works, while i’m burning out, slowly , but it's true, i... feel like my life is becoming a swamp, i'm whole i’m alone with my child for days, my husband is working, he’s advancing in his career, he has a charming correspondence there, hello with emoticons , that’s also good, my mother is also moving there, she, accordingly, also has more important things to do, everyone is okay, but i

, i can’t cope, i feel bad, i fall into some kind of depression, and before that, accordingly , before the depression there was a peak moment, even before the start of his promotion, when he was just whining about the fact that he couldn’t cope, he didn’t care can’t, doesn’t know how, and his family didn’t participate in any way, but at the same time he played with his mother in the game, running away, that is, my mother is anxious, my mother writes to him there, he does it on purpose, he sees this and he does not answer, i was good, i sent photos, i tried to write, keep in touch, because well, that ’s not possible. but they don’t come to see their grandson, the distance is half an hour, they don’t come to see their grandson, they don’t participate in any way, at one point i was boiling, i also said, how would you do it, help your daughter, they put him out, naked, abandoned, my mother here, too , it’s a big deal, why should i help you financially, why in the middle of the night, when there the child has a fever, you’re calling me, send me money, because we don’t have money for

a taxi to go to morozovskaya there, why not him, but he didn’t need it. at the same time, i see his parallel life, he sits in the toilet for hours, he plays games on the phone, he comments on articles, and this is a completely different person, i read these comments, this is a different person, this is a cool teenager, something like that , which teaches everyone how to live there, it’s good what’s wrong with you now, let ’s go back to today’s moment, what ’s happening to you now, now i’m already a mother of two children, so from him? yeah, you’re divorcing him, yes, i gave birth to my second child, then i had a re-awareness that i didn’t want this anymore, i started working, getting back on my feet, i returned to my profession, at first i worked like a man possessed, because it was just such an unstoppable fountain of what was locked in me, i turned out to be in demand, someone needed me, there were several ways out of this relationship, the first

time i drove him away, he went to live with a friend, played tanks. because he's already on that one i've been playing these tanks for a year and spending more money there? did you return it later? yes, he burst into tears, said that he was a homeless man, he was procrastinating everything in his life, uh-huh, you brought him back , then there was one more moment, as i understand it, there was another moment, you said, there were several moments of separation, last year , and when i realized that i needed to leave and sort myself out, i couldn’t yet make a decision about breaking up, i left for tashkent, yeah. with two children, alone, i wanted to leave with my family, i asked him, i begged him, with my last money, because he quit his job, he didn’t work, he sat at my house, played and realized that he would not work for his uncle anymore, but as a husband for an hour, he began to earn some pennies and periodically, and each time for these pennies

i also called and screamed, i’m in a state of limbo with two children, they sent me money , you brought him back again next time , i came back, i entered into this relationship again, uh-huh, now what’s happening, i drove him away again, and i’m interested in something else, yes, i sat, it seems to me that i have never been silent for so long in my life. and listening to you, i i just watched myself from the point of view of what was happening inside me, and i would sit just like that, listen, i sit and think, what kind of state do i have when you speak and the way you speak, and this a state of not dividing anything, that is, i don’t want to do anything next to you, not in the sense of you fighting off the desire, in the sense of like this, no, but you arrange everything so interestingly that i... just sit straight and think, i would sit straight i would listen, it’s the same as going to a movie or a good production in the theater, i think

interesting, but it seems like you came, well, to ask for some help, yes, but at the same time you completely deprived me of the intention to at least somehow help you, because you talk about your drama so beautifully that you don’t want to spoil it , you paint it just like zhulev’s tray and there is such a pattern and a pattern there and such backs and such backs, i sit and think, what a beauty, all the clients were like you, you came just like that, clean, yes, but at the same time you keep your attention, you keep your attention phenomenally, that is you directly hold this attention, i don’t fall asleep, but at the same time there are intentions of this very one, or there are intentions, a desire, somehow like to say, well, ask some question, i look at tanya like this, she asks a question, i think that the person is interfering , can you imagine the state you were in ? well, i won’t speak for tanya, they brought me in, i’m an experienced person, how do you think you did it? i, i don’t know, the truth is that i

’m toiling in this circle, i understand that i can assign tasks to myself, but i can do them myself cope and be that hero, but i don't want to become a victim in all of this and i don't want to be a hero in all of this. why do you need people at all? why do you need people? why are you husbands at all, i don’t know, men, why at all, you are so self-sufficient , everything is so good inside you, you can definitely explain everything to yourself inside, i want to go outside, you want to go outside, then at least a little reality begins in this sense , because you know, just imagine, you are such a cat mayun, and the cat mayun, you understand, yes, this is a character, mythological, slavic, and his not bayun, but mayun, not bayun, but mayun, no, there is mayun, then there are different things, moyun is the one that creates this illusion of may, this is, so to speak, the commonality of indo-european languages, including sanskrit with russian, and from the word

may, that there is an illusion, in general, in russian we actually also have such a word from this word maygo the word may there and so on, so look, you create such an illusion, create, create, create, create, in at some point you yourself got confused, like, what about here, because well, you’ve formed a certain image of this man has made it clear to you many times that he is not the man you need, but each time you managed to convince yourself that now everything will be, now we will do everything, here i would ask the question, is he really not the man you need, perhaps he is just the one you need, but not the one expected, maybe, yes, here there is a point about speaking with your mouth about expectations, that is, i initially talk about what i love there are holidays there, gifts are important to me, i want a snowflake there in honor of my son’s birthday in winter. and please, there i like sudden flowers, i love flowers very much, but you don’t even give the opportunity to insert a word and there can be no action there, you

do everything yourself, what kind of flowers, you have to find the space where these flowers are , i’m patient, yes, it’s like you’re talking, but at the same time, if you live the same way as you communicate with us now, and i’m sure that in general this is the case, then i don’t want to spoil anything, yes, you did everything so well that you don’t want to spoil anything, this is the triggers podcast with you his leading psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya psychotherapist sergei nasibyan and we are listening to oksana’s story, you said a very important thing at the beginning of our conversation, when you voiced your request as if you had lost yourself in a relationship, yes, so you very clearly separated two situations in your life, where are you before these delphic oracles. and after, when you entered into a relationship, i did not sleep, so that you would understand, i listened to you, the metaphor of this very illusoryness began to arise in me precisely when you said that it was

in delph. because there are delphi? delphi, in general, seems to be associated with a certain mysticism, and mysticism is associated with deception , in general, and you deceived yourself very well there in this sense, so you have entered this circle of self-deception, i will call it that, i don’t want to offend your feelings, accordingly, you have been giving birth to children for 8 years there, doing something there, trying to somehow improve the lives of other people, promoting everyone, wherever it is, everyone is moving, which i have no doubt is possible with your energy it's a long drive, so you said, i lost myself, i have a question for you, until you were 24 years old, you were with yourself, mostly with yourself, a smaller part probably with your mother, who, well, is her mother’s child, but i resisted a lot, i was somehow uncomfortable with myself, but

that stipulations, well, how to say, i consciously carried out these, like my mother’s, that you should obey, because in any case, where i started the confrontation, i was bad, naturally, i ’m bad, regarding the fact that, well, i even seemed to react very sharply to me, i need to memorize it the way it’s written in textbook, i say, i don’t like to cram, i like to read, understand and retell in my own words, yeah, i can’t be a repeater, yeah. i can’t be there, i want to build my own, yeah, okay, that is, you were mostly with yourself during this, for the most part, what part of yourself did you lose in this relationship, or what part of yourself, spontaneous, but emotional, because i’m like here is a frozen man with a concrete slab lying on top of him, i can’t move in all of this,

i can’t feel anything, i... i can’t be, but i can’t manifest myself, or i, for example, during our first separation in a relationship, i started dancing in the kitchen, when i was cooking, listening to music and dancing, which i haven’t done for many years, i haven’t done it since the birth of a child , i didn’t listen to music, didn’t dance, so i started dancing, we got back into a relationship, i invite a person , well, why not, as they say, dance together, but somehow, as you know how, it doesn’t matter, but show up, yeah. and the person prefers to just stand on the sidelines and watch, it’s so funny, it’s like you every time you are surprised when you meet your husband, you seem to wonder every time why this man has no initiative, what is happening to him, why he does not show any intention, as sergei says, why there is no impulse, but you chose such a man, so i asked you at the very beginning, as you explained to yourself , that, in general, you built the relationship, you took him, and then you built a relationship with him, he was just like such a cotton

doll. but this is my feeling now that even if you don’t break up, don’t get out, survive these the internal suffering that is now happening, i have on a regular basis, when i sit and roar for days, and come back to move again and not see, and what are you crying about, about a broken dream, that i will not be from the amazon tribe, like mine there is a mother and grandmother who were getting divorced, about the fact that i can, i can build... i can raise children, that it will be whole, that it will be alive, so, and this is the first moment, the second moment is that i couldn’t help a person, i couldn’t see him, no matter how hard i tried, when in our conflicts, even i screamed that i am not your mother, i don’t want to raise you, i don’t want to change you, please hear, see me, here i am, he said, i

’m afraid of you, i... you i'm afraid, can i voice my hypothesis, go ahead, my hypothesis is this, it seems to me that your experiences are actually connected, and not with your husband, with the fact that you cannot escape from your mother, in fact, this has nothing to do with your husband relationship, everything is predictable with your husband, you took it, forgive me for saying that about your husband, there is no disrespect there, but you took a lack of initiative person who is just ready to be convenient, and you move on with him, and you try to build some kind of relationship with him, but in fact, your experiences lie on a completely different plane, and now this concrete slab is yours mom, this is your relationship with your mother, not with your husband, and the feelings of tears about the fact that you still can’t break free, you still can’t separate your independence, so show it, and here’s the figure of the mother , which you join again, that's you

of course, it’s very frightening, yes, but at the same time, the deception is that this is not your fucking dream, yes, if you, as you say, dream of having a relationship, a family, there, as if it were somehow strong. there and so on, yes, this is not your dream, then i think that a key betrayal occurs, from which it is very difficult to get out, because you betrayed yourself a little earlier, because if , for example, you want to be happy next to a man , then you still have everything ahead, as it were there is no question here at all, he is 30 years old, he turned around, got divorced, moved on , but in general, even with this man you can still be happy, you can probably be happy with this man, but being happy is not a question and you can there was to be. and so on, but this form , as it were, becomes more important than the content for you, because pay attention to the fact that, for example, when your mother asks you why you are calling me, and not he, for example, calls his mom, well, i’m calling because

my husband is not mine, suppose, yes, where from , what kind of question is this, why is she asking you this question, she initially saw that this relationship. dead, as she thinks, at least, well, yes, the last one was when i said that i checked all day, and why are you still crying, you know, severe devaluation, that you are crying, well, go ahead, humiliate yourself, call him back, that she lived well, yes, the house is dirty, i don’t care, he wanted everyone, he fed the children with chips, that it was good for you, no, why are you crying, mom, well, actually i loved it. the next day i ask: what do you expect from me? well, that you will now begin to conquer the peaks, that you will now go there, you will move and so on, i forgot how to do this, i could do this when i fulfilled the plan to the maximum, yes, when i needed

to get out of the relationship that i had in tashkent, leave all my friends that i had made, move here and start working here to study at the institute, that is, i worked a full eight-hour day, i studied in the evening. at the institute, i slept for 4 hours hours, 4, 5 hours every day, i lived in a one-room apartment, theirs, sleeping on the kitchen sofa , then a year later i moved into a rented apartment, i went through this whole meat grinder, then i could get out of it, move through the pain , now i can’t move through the pain, i don’t want to conquer again at such a price, so there you have it , you don’t need to do anything like that, oksan, here you don’t need to conquer anything, because finding yourself is, in general, ... come to yourself, and here it is very important to see where you are leaving yourself, just learn to answer yourself to this question, and your body will help you in this sense, yes , which tells you with psychosomatics, some kind of clamps,

i don’t know, nausea, toxicosis, whatever, but it tells you when you are not there, and this feeling is very difficult to confuse, no matter what it is, i have long forgotten how to trust my reactions. you know, when you are told from childhood that something is wrong with you, and you think that your intuition is deceiving you, your body is deceiving you, you can’t believe anything at all, and strangely enough, you don’t believe anything, but you allow yourself to be deceived, but that’s the point, because you live in this fairy tale, in which everything is absolutely unreal, the only time, probably, when you felt real, well, the only one or not, but the brightest one that you described, it’s there in delphi, where you felt that yes, i had escaped from one, but had not yet entered the other. and then you boarded the train, made a huge circle and returned to the point where you were in this connection with your mother, oksana, remind me how your request sounded in at the beginning of the program?

losing myself in a relationship, yeah, having gone through a relationship, but i lost myself, i have an assumption that it would be correct to reformulate it, but i lost myself in a relationship with my mother, it seemed to me that with my husband, having given away, so here is the husband, you see , he just performed a certain functionality, as it were, you installed him and said, so, now i’m building a relationship with you, so as not to build a relationship with my mother, exactly, that is , he became a mom substitute, so in this sense, this is the podcast triggers with you his presenter tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasyabyan, in our guests oksana, i don’t know if you will return to your hypothesis with a question, tatyana, because i just want to return. at the moment when you asked the question, as you explained to yourself, you, uninitiatively, please, took it off your tongue, as they say, i have a question, but i would have asked the question a little differently, and i want to

draw your attention to this , as i promised at the beginning of the program that i would return to this, you responded very easily to tanya’s question, as you explained it to yourself there, lack of initiative, yes we call it, now it is so, now we know about him, before that you described simply shtir. just come to the music of these moments of spring, and you responded very easily and began to explain the sharpening accordingly and with such, you know, joy , you sat down...’ on such a psychological defense, which is called rationalization, but one of my favorites, of course, i’m then you need to explain everything to yourself, i understood it then, why i asked the question, why it is necessary to explain, but i would still ask the question, how did you feel when a man does not answer, when a man does not insist, when a man does not make the first steps, what did you feel at that moment, what did you have to rationalize, anxiety, what were you worried about? that there's something wrong with me and i'm not being chosen, i'm not being chosen. yes, so he never chose you, and i’m afraid that mom is also not

indicative in this regard, because mom seems to choose you only when everything is good with you, yes, but you are real, weaker there, there also stupid, sometimes aimless, sometimes lazy, that is, all those qualities that, because i said, at the very beginning of your story i said, while it sounds like a dream woman, and you are one, is there a dream woman, man? dream, you are a dream friend, well, you are wonderful, this is wonderful, only you are very lonely inside there, yes, because behind all this beautiful spacesuit, and i see a tuna, very small girl who really can’t cope with what’s outside , and as if you haven’t been in a real relationship yet , you’re already a mother of two children, as if you’ve never been in a real relationship, that’s where you need to get out. recognizing absolutely all the qualities, all the flaws in oneself,

which are inherent in other people, recognizing, accepting, but moving on, without creating illusions, your task now is to find a way to get out of this spacesuit of a cool daughter, a cool mom, a cool wife, a cool friend, a cool woman, a cool teacher, a cool employee, well you just need to get out of this spacesuit and really feel the pain that you have been avoiding for so many years, and you may not... choose, but yes, there is of course such a risk that you may not choose, but otherwise, they choose people who don’t want to choose, yes, but otherwise you seem married to yourself, yes, everywhere you seem to be in a relationship with yourself, there is no other person there, you do not allow such an opportunity to encounter this reality, you create such a cushion between you and other people, it is closed very much by actions, activity, with this contribution, giving, as you call it, support, promotion, all this, in order not to collide, not to show the real me, i

noticed this in myself, that it’s easier to mold such a golem, so, yes, because that i'm not i’m sure that i can handle it, because i’m not sure that i can be there for you joyful, happy, satisfied with everything, here you go, here’s a simulacrum, here you go, i have an assumption that you don’t really build with children relationships, such close ones, and you replace it all with this activity, i’m breaking through, i’m breaking through in this , precisely because of the children, when i realized that my first point was not to cause psychological trauma, i realized that without causing psychological injuries, it seems, i cause them, by the fact that i start stuffing the child there

knowledge, i begin to force the child there, or rather, turning the child into a perfectionist, try not to avoid pain, find your own way to experience pain, where is real loneliness, where it really hurts from not being taken away, and in general, in principle, get to know yourself, you understand , then you will only begin to get acquainted, otherwise the creation of this shell, this tool you will pass on, and your children will no longer have it, don’t pass on this baton, can i ask you what was the most important thing for you today, what did you learn? , to live through pain, to grow through pain, i really really don’t want to do this, and the grief i’m faced with now is that the relationship ended with me constantly asking, constantly being in the position of a beggar, the fact that the family has debts, the fact that it ’s difficult financially . position, yes, i work, but this is still not enough for a family of two

children and two adults, then she offered to just live separately, a good man is now, it seems to me that the very beginning is just now, and he disappeared, already in a change house, somewhere at a construction site, and i called and said, how is this possible, tell me, you give up your children, you give up everything, i miss you too, i filed for divorce. sad, but i expected this from you, i can’t resist your decisions, i can’t do anything, i don’t feel like i can change anything, wait, seriously, i don’t care about me so much, i feel that i’m probably making a mistake, i’m destroying something that you and i seem to know about, he’s a great example for you of how you should choose yourself, so it seems to me that he’s great in this sense of showing, so yes, he’s so comfortable , you watched the podcast triggers, and with you were its hosts, psychologist, psychotherapist, tatyana

krasnovskaya, psychologist and psychotherapist sergei nasibyan, you can watch all podcast lab projects on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. this is an easy money podcast, i am its host , mikhail khanov, and today our topic is women in investments, and today our guest is the senior vice president, director of external relations of the bank, vera aleksandrovna podguzova. hello, well, let's start from the very beginning. do you believe gender exists in investing? well, gender probably exists relatively investments, investments are still such a general concept for both men and women, this is the approach to these very investments, and different genders have different ones, well, probably in accordance with such psychological, probably, some kind of

fundamentals, how we differ between men and women . well, you know, the main behavioral thing, like i really like to give an example, yes, here... nothing has changed in 10,000 years on our planet earth, so imagine a tribe of, i don’t know, neanderthians, who sits in the evening, has dinner, a fire , forest, darkness, females, males, cubs, suddenly strange sounds are heard, creepy, yes, someone is roaring, what are the men doing , the men get up, say, well, now we ’ll figure out what’s roaring there, and they go, well, half of them die, because there are some vilaceraptors there, there are also tougher dinosaurs, what do females do, and then... civilizations, they do exactly what humanity saved as a species, because they take the cubs in an armful and move away in the opposite direction from the sound, this is applicable now to investments, that is as far as the level of risk perception remained in those pre-historical times, well, it’s natural that men, they are more courageous in

their decisions, make these decisions more quickly, at some moments they are less thoughtful than women, but at the same time they invest much more money , therefore, in terms of their type of investment, they are more of a risky type of investment, women are more conservative, they are trying to save their finances, think about it, therefore, probably, the volume of the very money that is directed women and men, they are completely different, men can allocate a larger amount, women less, but as a rule the profitability is the same; accordingly, women have less profitability on their investment products than men, but at the same time... they earn more often and the risk of investments is much lower, and the period, here is a very important indicator in investments, such as the period of investments, who has it longer, men or women, women, of course, because women count on longer-term investments, they understand why they are doing this, why they need it in essence

save up money for your own, earn money there for a child’s education or for some medical purposes, maybe for repairs... these are deposits, well, i know that your bank , together with the scientific research financial institute of the ministry of finance, has developed a new index of savings investment activity citizens, yes, because today we read more and more often that almost officials fall for some kind of fraudulent schemes, not to mention ordinary citizens, and financial activity is at what level it is now in russia, that’s how you we could her characterize? but our research shows that now about a little less than half of the population, that is, about 48% , is more or less investment savvy, but in terms of simply

informing about investments, then these percentages are divided into several more categories, who actively invests, and the smallest percentage component is approximately... 8%, and then it increases depending on deposits, well, approximately what percentage of the active population of the country can be called financially literate, financially a literate person is someone who, well, let’s say, will immediately name the rate on the deposit and will not fall for some elementary tricks of scammers, understanding that free cheese can only be found in a purse, in fact, about 17%, i would highlight this one , since, again, i repeat, they are different investment products, some trust themselves, some trust banks , some brokers, some financial companies and others, and of course, the simplest ones, i’m talking here about a wide range. the simplest investment products, they are probably the most popular, we think bank deposit

investment, well, essentially we think, because this is not quite an investment product, so let’s say, yes, if we look at this terminology in depth, but in our case, in the case of the russians, probably, yes, this can be classified as an investment product, because trust of the population understanding the main thing is understanding of investment, but also in a deposit, or for example in real estate, which is also a kind of investment. but not such a direct product, but when did this start, the transition to the fact that we started talking about women in general as investors, that is, when the trend began that women began to actively look, let’s say, not trusting their men, and they also began to stand up to look, but what is growling there and it cannot also be used for meat, or at least there, i don’t know, put the atom in the peaceful service of the family, probably women as investors, they were, well, in fact, always , when investment in general began to develop, when a man came home, his wife asked, i

can say that we had several experts visiting us, who are engaged personal finances, planning, and, as a rule, the first step in the family to drawing up a budget, yes, but this is the basics, in fact, before you start investing, you start with something, at least start keeping a family budget, there, just a little maybe in 90% of cases women start doing this, i’ll repeat it. that’s when this shift happened, that is, when in the nineties and the 2000s, when women felt that they needed to seize the palm, well , probably at the end of the 2000s, there were more active people like this, oh, the crisis influenced or that, of course, crises influence, it is women who more clearly feel these economic, some shifts, crises, they try to maintain the family income, so of course, this influences very strongly, men somehow - later get their bearings, that is why, by the way , now there are a lot, there has become such a trend towards the growth of women on boards of directors, because they are just such

a conservative approach, a restraining factor to some extent, and at the same time, analysis, they probably contribute their own, just, well, here i will support you, i himself as an independent director in quite large companies, i have a lot of experience, and i can say that in russia , unlike the whole world, where it... it should be like this and there on a gender basis, so in russia women really are very often, and, well, if not the chairman, then as the great deputy chairman of the board of directors, why, because she brings that same healthy conservatism, yes, when a man says, let’s go and have a look, and a woman says we won’t go anywhere, we don’t have money, yes to go look there, but let's take a risk, no, don't, this approach, it has gained respect and acceptance from the shareholders, yes, which , of course, is an understandable brake, an understandable

stopping factor, yes, and it's not just that we won't do anything, women are like as a rule, he argues his position very well, but when you know how , when they don’t stay, because i said so, the portfolio in terms of profitability, if we talk about the fact that you already mentioned that the portfolio usually has less profitability for women, what are these figures - you can name it, there are some numbers, here is the average profitability women's portfolio and men's, right here, the difference is somewhere around 3-5%, if you compare portfolios, in terms of profitability, well, if you are men who lost everything, these are those who remained, yes, who survived, who received some kind of final investment, i received some kind of return, i think that if you add it up with those who died in a fight unequal with the investment. then i think that the profitability of women will be significantly higher, well, i wouldn’t say so, because, again, women are simply less in...