[000:00:00;00] at the moment of falling in love, when it seems to you that the person completely corresponds, uh, to the image, okay, so you tried, for some time, you spent some time trying to become ideal, you became ideal, or you got closer to the ideal image of yourself, good question, i think that ah, i have become better for a person, but not for myself, uh-huh, if it’s still for myself, len, how would you feel if you received some kind of i don’t know diploma , certificate, certificate stating that that’s all, you are perfect, how would you feel? lousy, probably, why? that's why that this word ideality, somehow it really hurts the ear, yes, that is, there are no ideal people, i basically understand this with my head, and try to please, but again

i understand this with my head, i get out of these relationships, that then it turns out that the desire for this certain ideal that you describe is more like you are trying to please, yes, well, these are different things then, yeah, but trying to please, this means that your, as the smarter ones would say colleagues, the locus of control is completely external, and you do you evaluate yourself by how others evaluate you, and how long have you had this in general, that others like this desire? well, basically it was from childhood and it seems to me that it was to attract the attention of the father, please tell us about your parental family, you are one daughter, no, there are two of us, yeah, you’re older or younger, and i’m younger, yeah, that’s it older brother, i remember very well this moment when , let’s say, such

an active life began in kindergarten, i did extra gymnastics there and my mother took me to gymnastics, then dancing for 12 years and so on, and i had one dream related to the fact that i really wanted my father to attend this event at least once, well , at least for one, which meant for the girl lena that her dad came look, well, i’m probably delighted, yes, that there’s my daughter on stage, there’s a certain kind of pride in me. it seems that then this was very lacking, yeah , basically, like now, but what was your father proud of, what did he admire, so you looked, this is a man who lives in essence parallel life with you, but you know what he loves , what he does, by the way, again this is a good question on the topic of what he loves, i didn’t know what he loved, he specifically praises me all the time, well, you this is

the second time they have praised me for asking. well, really, because it’s a good question, or because i’m a man, no, just a good question, but how do you understand, is it a good question or not, which i like, so , let’s talk about it, and how do you understand it that you liked it my, well that is, he gets into some kind of essence of me and what is happening inside, and what, this is what is happening inside you, when, as you say, i get into this question, well, a question on the topic, what? in my father, what he loved, i honestly don’t know what he loved, and even this surprised me a little that i don’t know, but i ’m just saying that you know, well, in principle, no, i know he loved very much company, yes, fun company, we really enjoyed relaxing, he really liked to be the center of attention, and he really liked to be the life of the party, and this inspired me very much,

of course, you wanted to be like her, like him, and he was a very authoritarian person, that is, uh, everything in the house had to obey his will, and nothing else, that is, the father was in charge, the mother took care of the house, yeah, that’s it it was like that and there was such a certain ideal picture of the family, of course, there’s no way without it, you say, dad was there, dad is no more, yes, dad died 10 years ago, you were 22, yes, 22 years old, for me it was probably the most , a big shock in life, well , such that there is no longer a person in my life, which for me was, well, i can’t say that it was the ideal of a man, but probably that very first ideal, in childhood, yes, that a girl receives, that is, the state of protection, security, was given to me by my father, in

childhood, yeah, that’s why. .. but for me it was such a certain state, on the one hand, on the one hand, fear, yes, as now without it, on the other hand, freedom, because there was this authoritarian disposition, yes, that this is possible , this is impossible , only like this, study and so on, only fours or fives, in a different way no way, either like this or not like that, no way, that’s it, that is, that’s what happened, and on the one hand, yes, i really lost one of my parents, on the other hand, no matter how strange it may sound, as if now you have... the right to choose, the proletariat must not only call for revolution, but first of all go for it. revolution cannot be scheduled for a specific day or hour, due to

the inevitably growing catastrophe, it is necessary now to determine the most successful positions, arm, inspire the masses with a revolutionary slogan, train them in combat arts keep under arms, there is a revolutionary proletarian mass, it is necessary to have the ability, simultaneously throughout the entire space of russia, to bring this mass into the streets and unite with a common cry, point trodsky, tomorrow after the program time, any religion implicated in blood, there is a monster that sooner or later devours own. children, you think, feed us to him, and he will calm down.

veda vodka, a product of stetellar group. you are watching the podcast triggers, with you its host tatyana krasnovskaya, a psychotherautical psychologist. and psychologist and psychotherapist sergei nasebyan. we let's listen to lena and her story. did your first relationship happen after your dad died? the first relationship is not, just, let’s say, a slight teenage crush, it happened yet, but in general, were there any guys whom you introduced to your father? there wasn’t a single man whom i introduced, that is, you pretended that these guys didn’t exist, you hid them from them or just , well, just if i hadn’t hidden it, maybe i don’t know what kind of conversation would await these young people people, here first of all, both for them and for myself, but what should dad have do, well, understanding the words that i heard from him, that if i just find out

certain things there, then there will be some kind of conversation, i was very afraid of this conversation, what things and what you should were to do, why did dad have to be, well, first of all, i was always worried that they wouldn’t meet and... his expectations, then i can tell you as a dad, they definitely don’t meet his expectations, no matter how normal, i i don’t know how it happened that i really chose - it seems to me these are the most, well, as they say, yes, hooligan guys at that time, that is, the very, very best that were possible, because there were a lot of prohibitions of some kind, and of course i wanted, of course, to break them , violate them. i would still like to clarify, let’s try to give free rein to our imagination since dad clearly threatened, it’s a threat , that if suddenly god forbid i find out, i can’t imagine what i’ll do to you, but you ’re still somewhere imagined, this is a fantasy

, if you let go of yours, then what should what dad should do if he found out, well, lower the stairs there, i don’t know, something else , well, like this, i’ll get out of the house, in relation to you, in relation to me, well, i was worried about some physical things, yes , that is. but i’ve never had anything like this, but at the same time some words like that, i mean, he never beat you, but he threatened that he could beat you, kill you, well, that’s the word, kill, yes there, well, i i’ll kill you if you’re not like that, well, that’s what it will be, there will be a very serious conversation, yes there, but in the hearts, how could i say that there i don’t know there, i’ll do something like that, well, now they’re watching us there, i don’t know, millions of people, for me 99% of them, at least once in their lives they heard death threats from their parents, but that’s how it would be implicit that they will kill you, but this is what i will kill you if i find out that you smoked there or i will kill you, i will throw you out of the balcony from the window,

well, that is, some kind of threats, just now you said, this reminded me i’m going to kill you, and so these are the moments that i remember, yeah, well, it’s obvious that dad basically taught you to be afraid, yeah, yeah. okay, and judging by everything, well, as long as dad was alive, you never managed to reach that level of perfection so that he would finally say, well, now i love you, now i praise you, now you can. no, it didn’t work out, uh-huh, that’s what a feeling is, what kind of feeling arises inside you when you realize that you never met, and that means you don’t meet now, most likely you won’t meet that high bar, which dad put before you, is this how you feel this conflict within yourself? i really want it to still be, of course i want them to say that they are proud of me.

yeah, okay, after all, if dad loved to be the center of attention, dad loved big companies, dad loved to relax, there, when you witnessed these big companies, you probably saw how dad showed sympathy for other people, it could be women, men, friends, girlfriends, it doesn’t matter, just remember, you don’t even have to call this person by name, but remember, someone, it could be there, i don’t know, aunt dasha, aunt zina, it doesn’t matter who whatever, yes, here you are you understand that... dad likes her now, not in the sense of liking her as a woman , he’s pleased that she’s here, she laughs at her jokes, he laughs at her jokes, as you saw, that’s how dad became, very kind, kind, very kind, very cheerful and, in principle, generally a sense of humor , it seems to me that what set him apart from other people, yeah, the most important thing is so bright, for me, it was his sense of humor, his skills, yes, in certain situations,

to maneuver, yes, to be able to over any situation, uh, to laugh, because, of course, he told me such words, yes, now we’ll go back to the fact that i’ll kill you, but then, when supposedly everything is ok, everything is fine, he says, well done, here ok, yeah, but still, it was more like condescending praise, but not like the triumph of some kind of genius of your talent that dad admired, well, yes, yes, and this feeling, this one, which you describe as desire after all. is conformity similar to the feeling you experience in relationships with men? yes, yes, okay, you now, when you are talking to us, as a result of this conversation, would you like to find this button, this trigger and turn it off so as not to feel this way anymore, or this is what you are trying to achieve, my main question is probably, and since, well, i have read various literature, yes, i consider myself a strong person, i consider myself a strong woman. and yes, very often i hear in

my surroundings that a strong personality usually attracts weak men, strong women, i mean, weak men are probably the main question, and this is how to be in such a situation, if i don’t want to build relationships with the weak, in your opinion, an abuser would be a weak person, a weak man, so we could just agree, so how would a strong man behave in your opinion? i think that a strong man will not put pressure in order to get what he wants, that is, to get a certain picture that he imagines, yes, that you should be like that, but if i have to be like that, maybe then i need a person so that he was what you imagined him to be, uh-huh, and your dad was strong a man, yes, but why then did he suppress your mother, again a good question, right?

good question, yes, i already understand from your facial expressions when i ask the right questions , good, not even right, good, i like it, i boast, well, it was probably easier for him, so that it would be easier for him to suppress his mother, well, yes, then you are avoiding my direct question, after all, if he was a strong man, but still suppressed his mother, then somewhere you are confused, either then you incorrectly evaluate men today, or you allow dad what you don't allow other men, maybe? you were obviously brought up in such a way that it is not difficult to force, persuade, convince you to fry cutlets, cook breakfast, i don’t know, clean, wash, and so on, so that you can be like a mother, but essentially, because your mother, as you say, took care of the house, you and i generally understand that she was to some extent a serving element in the family, right? yes, i saw this, exactly this role of a woman in front of me, but i myself am not like that, that is, this is what,

probably, the very root of the question goes to the fact that i have my own business, i work , yes, for myself, i’m quite, uh, such a straightforward person, uh, i don’t like to keep things to myself, but when in my last relationship i tried very hard to play this role as a mother, i really wanted that here i am, a wonderful wife, was no longer in my thoughts at that moment... it seems that i had already built this for myself, in the end, when i turned around, looked at the man, just at the moment when i cooked borscht and just looked ago, yes, i looked at this whole picture, i had a feeling that this was not mine at all, that is, i asked myself the question inside, why are you deceiving yourself, for what? irene, when i asked the last good question about the fact that your dad, being a strong man, in your opinion

, still suppressed your mother, something happened to you inside, well, you have changed, let’s do it, what kind of feeling caused , when i practically... admit that either dad was not as strong as you thought, either you are mistaken, i will go from the opposite, i love from the opposite, maybe i am mistaken, that is, it is easier for you to admit that you are mistaken, that is, you cannot remove dad from his pedestal directly, it seems to you, right? i’m just trying to understand now why he suppressed my mother, i really don’t know why, listen, well, judging by your worldview picture, because he was weak in his relationship with... mom, he was a wonderful dad, husband he was so-so, perhaps, but you are looking for a husband, not a dad, but as you think, but a mom was happy in her relationship with your father, as she says, yes , it’s good that she says that, that is, she, when i ask her, i say, as she says, this is my life, this

is my choice, and i am my choice i did, well, yes, i’ll still come back to this, yes, what will happen if we finally take dad off his pedestal, because you really, well, how can i say, you are a strong person, it’s true, you really are very such a dense, rigid structure of your personality, yes, but at the moment when i asked you this question, and you are like this, you went inside, as if to think, you blushed sharply, and i know that you definitely know that you have this kind of awkwardness, and like all people who blush, you probably avoid such circumstances, but i i will assume that at this moment, if you follow me, you will agree with what i now suspect. your father, it’s as if there is some kind of, you know, betrayal of him, that we seem to be talking about him not very correctly, not very well, well, there is such a feeling, there is such a feeling, great, but you know you, that if you put a man instead of your dad, then you will also add your father

, well, i’ll give you a certain image that was created in my head, of course, this image is strong, and yes, probably, yes, what would you feel now, not had the courage to give your mother that love, that freedom, that tenderness that she deserved, what would you feel if he now essentially admitted to you that he did not have the strength to live with a free woman, so he put her at home , did what he did. i think that i would probably breathe out into this moment, probably, what did you tell him, thank you for admitting this, what would it be for you, that a person admitted his weakness, what was in him, like in

any person, and what conclusion would be drawn for yourself then, that any person has the right to make a mistake, most likely, the conclusion and even the one that is closest to you, the closest, and yes, the person who was on the pedestal, for me, that is, even the winner, may make a mistake, but what would it give you, so you know that the person in your relationship can make mistakes, that he can afford himself, that there are no ideal people, that this means that you may not be ideal, yes, yes, that i, too, am not an ideal person, and it also seems to me that there is a very important awareness here, or something, or something your relationship does not need to be assessed now from his position, what kind of relationship you will have tomorrow, the only real value of this relationship is determined by your

feeling of happiness, love, comfort, everything, everything we need in this sense is to get out of our heads and add. ..a little feeling, add a little bit of your own value in all this, then you won’t, well, at least judge in terms of the categories of abuse, victimhood, and you will learn to be in contact with reality, in contact with a person, and not with the role that this person plays for you, and we assign this role, of course, if we, for example, put this person in the role of an abuser, yes, for example, we say that he... is inside himself, then from that moment we can no longer have a relationship with reality, we we relate only to the model that he performs for us, plays out, this freedom of yours is probably the most important thing.

yes, then you can learn to appreciate your feelings, or maybe focus your feelings on them, in these three of yours, yes, there were three such basic ones, and such ethic relationships you have, well, probably the most fundamental one, it was just like that the father of my child, when yes, i met him just almost after i lost my father, and there was even a fear..." that the person would leave in principle, as if it would be the same departure as father then there is all the time, that’s exactly what i’m afraid of, this leaving and that the relationship ends , as if this is the same leaving that i had to endure, and thus you end up in codependent relationships, you create them, this is your contribution, but how do you these codependent relationships lead to episodes of obsessiveness, as you say, what criteria were there in your life, was it physical violence or what was it? in one of

the relationships i had an element, yes, of physical violence, it was, and after that i i realized that everything , now looking back, look, there was probably a point where everything could have been completed before, what did not allow you to identify this point, see, realize your own power over your life? maybe something else will change, maybe i’m still wrong about something, maybe it ’s worth looking further and something will change, and you understand that this is the pattern, that maybe i’m still wrong, this is the pattern of your relationship with your dad, because you were never able to prove it to him, because you were hiding it from him most of his own life, without telling him, somehow hiding it all, yes, he pretended that he didn’t notice it, and you pretended that no one knew anything, it turns out that as if you... ' he never found out, he didn’t know me, this is really a fact, you know, and this is again the same thing that

happens in your relationships with men, and what sergey is talking about, this is the point where it was possible a little earlier stay in a model where you are careful with your feelings, where you value your feelings and you hear them, there it is unacceptable, there it could not have happened, in fact, this is a point of truth when you need to stop lying to yourself and give... the right to another person to leave, stay, express anything, absolutely, yes, in order not to end up to a state where this person uses force, for example, yes, because well, this is unacceptable, obviously, but if we talk about what tatyana is talking about, how did you allow another person to sit on such a pedestal, where you put him somehow the main thing in your relationship, and your sense of self begins to depend on it, that’s where you start to lose yourself, this. exactly, so the most important thing is to learn to trust yourself, your feelings, and for this you need

to touch them with your fingertips all the time, and this is the only truth about you, for you, no matter what the other person says, but your feelings will definitely never your feelings will not be deceived, you are watching the podcast triggers with you, its host tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologists and psychotherapist and psychologists and psychotherapist sergei nasebyan. as for your relationship with your dad, well, this is always such a not very pleasant situation, probably, when you need remove him from the pedestal, and for a while, he will then get back there again, but this will be a more conscious decision or something , because yes, this is dad, he was a good dad, a husband, not a fact, but you seem to tracing paper would be removed for any manifestations of masculinity. yes, this is true, this is where i agree, because. that having been in this state, when you said that let ’s try to get away from this image, suddenly

it’s as if there is purity and a white sheet, that is, how could it be different? i, as a father, can tell you, not there, not as a psychologist, but as a father, that when we raise a daughter, we put a lot into her with a reserve, so that she, you know, in the caucasus there is such a proverb that when you raise a son, you raise a person. when you raise a daughter, you are raising a nation, but the daughter always seems to be burdened with a little more than is probably necessary, so of course it’s very difficult for women, especially when the dad really took such a position, it’s no better when the dad, on the contrary, disappointed, but when the dad turned out to be like this - an ideal, then of course, well, it’s usually very difficult for women to build relationships with their husbands, with men, with their husbands, and dad really taught you a lot and showed you a lot, but i want to say that... you know, as you remember, pinocchio was looking for the golden key, and he found it her at the tortilla, i hope i won’t offend anyone by saying that such

a tortilla is for you, this is your mother now, just sit down and talk to her about how you saw him and what he was like from her point of view, without in any way destroying any -the ideals in no case doing anything like that, but just talk to her about her feminine part, what kind of woman she was, we already had such a conversation, you see, especially since the picture that emerged was, let’s say, quite complex, not very rosy, as it turned out, and there were some moments that i didn’t even want to believe, it was just after his death, but i said for myself, and i told her too, that it doesn’t matter to me what happened between you, because i don’t want, so that my world, this one, is shaken,

and here i am with my questions, so that yes, this ideal with most likely yes, i raised it, let’s say, to a very high level, despite the fact that, by the way, we communicated very little with him, we generally saw each other very little, i understand, in the evening there were 2 minutes where i i did my homework there, back at school, they told me, well done, you’re doing your homework , yes, it’s not like your brother is doing everything there, yes, that’s why you had to always earn this praise that you ’re trying to do today deserve from men, this ideal man should not look back at praise, but look only at his own feelings, sensations, and one more very important point, in my opinion, you said one such phrase, it was very important for me from the point of view of analysis, you said, i was afraid that the relationship would end, remember one simple thing, the relationship will end , any, and you need to live with a person in such a way that if they end today, you will not regret it, and this can only be done without

betraying yourself in this relationship, this is what i strive for. perhaps this is the very litmus test that will help you check with your feelings, yes, yes, because very often - i blocked some of my own, i don’t like something, well , i understand that my mother probably would have blocked it too, so as not to, uh, lead to conflict , and this is probably her main idea that she always tried to convey to me, i saved the family, that’s why you are struggling in your life between the scenario of your mother and the invented scenario with an ideal dad, but you are no longer a mother, this is good, unlike moms, you are definitely not the woman who will sit down at home and will keep something there for the sake of it, so that, yes, you have the opportunity to be absolutely free in your decisions, but with you free it will be impossible to do anything when you just endure it for yourself, and of course dad doesn’t evaluate you

by your relationship, as if just accept the fact that pa... really would have been ready to tell you today already when he was 32 that in fact everything was not at all like that, let's summarize what you are taking, what new strategies , if they exist, will you take them into your life? i tried my dad's script strong in relationships, it didn’t work out for me, i tried my mother’s script of being weak, submissive and so on, it didn’t work out for me, maybe now is the time... allow, let ’s take this word, yes, allow yourself, build your own personal scenario relationships, this is probably the most important thing, yes, to give free rein to your inner freedom, and i really liked what you recommended to me specifically about feelings, to rely on my feelings, i very often push them somewhere far away, well, what seemed yes this is it

word, it seemed to me, but it didn’t seem to me, but trusting yourself, trusting yourself is a very ... just a feeling that i’m not very familiar with yet, thank you very much, it was the triggers with you podcast, its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan , today we talked with elena about her relationships, about the figure of dad in the life of a woman and a girl, in my opinion, it was interesting, you can find all episodes of the triggers podcast on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. hello, i'm larisa kuzeeva, this is a podcast of letters, there will be no letters today, i have guests gennady khazanov, i’m so happy that you came, i didn’t sleep the night, i was so crazy, i ruined all my nails, that’s it

, i called all the time, wrote to the editor, i say, i’m afraid, the first person who.. ... you know, there is such immeasurable love, from the first, i swear to you, as soon as i saw you, and such respect, and such adoration, and this has gone through my whole life. i have never heard a single bad gossip about you, i have never seen a single person who would twist the face of a parishioner, on the contrary, that’s how you, you, in general, by today’s standards, have come a long way, uh, not among the most beautiful people, not among the most honest, not the most sincere, uh, what can i say, envious, spiteful, who are ready to sit on the sidelines. ready to destroy, how did you save yourself, in general, who helped you, now, first of all, thank you for such words, me too

today, and this is not, no, for the sake of a symmetrical answer, for some reason i’m on my feet today with 3 :00 am, i won’t take it, since 3:00 am i haven’t thought about what we will have to talk about with you larisa, but i think that this is without any pretentiousness, i say, there is no masochism in what i’m going to say now, i got my own channel three years ago, and well, i’m still satisfied that after 3 years the figure has exceeded 44 million

views, it inspires, in this sense, but it gives a reason to take seriously what you are doing, but that’s not what the story is about now, the story is that i read comments all the time. which are placed in these publications, if you don’t mind 15-20 minutes one day, and you look, you will see how many nasty, monstrous words i have to read to myself, they can tell me why you are reading this, i will say , a person, from my point of view, should not live in a greenhouse with the idea that you live wrapped in some kind of velvet blanket,

should not, should not, but read abominations from people who themselves will not normally write abominations, it does not prolong your life, it does not make you brighter, freer, more talented, it does not open your eyes to something new, it does not shape you, just you changed your role, it doesn’t make your range, it destroys you, it does me destroys, i cry, and my daughter tells me, mom, you are a masochist, why are you reading, a normal person would not think of discussing my appearance, my weight, my age, and so on, so i just beg you, don’t read, please, better, better, let's remember those who adored you, i will definitely talk about it, but i must tell you that those to whom i owe

what i managed to achieve at this age point, among them were people who didn’t always pat you on the head, well, who, for example, who he shaped you like this, look, here i have... for example, i had an unforgettable favorite teacher, how to say teacher, larisa, this is a very crude definition, all my attempts to get into a theater school suffered very serious failures, that's it, i graduated from school, and it was so funny, in order to become an artist as soon as possible, i dropped out of high school, because high school was transferred to an eleven-year education, i said, how is this another year, i

have to endure, well, i’ll endure it, how will humanity manage without this gift? in short, i leave school, i go to school for youth work, and there was a year, and there was 10, they were not transferred to 11 years, but for this i had to work, i went. to the factory with a woodsman, 20 days after i turned 16 years old, i went to the factory every day, because i was a child who grew up in zamoskvorechye, and every remaining house there is a witness to my life, i went to the paveleletsk

market, and along bakhrushin street, past the bakhrushin theater museum, i was walking to my factory. nowhere after i finished this evening school for working youth, they didn’t accept me, and they gave me quite serious diagnoses, professional ones, well , for example, i went for a consultation at the shchukin school, the person who conducted the consultation is no longer from the living. therefore, i will allow myself not to mention his name, especially since it does not matter, he looked at me, i was imagining something there, reading something, something, uh-huh, they called me to the table and said, boy, you never need to do this, you have no humor and

temperament, and after many years i... it’s not good to tell with arrogance what they told you, that’s why, or maybe you really seemed like that, that there was a feeling that you had neither one nor the other, it’s impossible, for a young man, but tamara fedorovna makarova told me, seventeen years old to the girl, she said, you have no charm, you don’t need this profession, yes, yes, i’m not shy about it, but thomas fedrov told me, in short. it’s impossible, it’s impossible, no one took me, then i found out, because i’m a very superstitious person in this sense, very, but i have for this is a serious reason to be opinionated, i realized that life held me until the moment when i met this woman, this woman did not even take a course at the pop-church school, she worked

as a leading... artist of the satire theater until the end of the fifties, then she quarreled with the main director of the satire theater valentin nikolaevich pluchik and left the theater. and subsequently olga aleksanna oroseva, whom my nadezhda ivanovna slonova took care of, told me a story. this means that she came from leningrad and entered the satire theater. and nadezhda ivanovna looked after her as a young artist, she really liked her, she had character, she was cool, she was according to her sign, a fiery horse, according to the eastern calendar, and a lion, wow, she was, in short, she

evokes a young, russian to her home, set the table, she lived in a tiny two-room apartment, sit down, i want to make a spiritual testament , she was so bad, she generally loved , everything, she loved life, she knew how, she knew how to live, she was alive, very, well, in short, she told me, i was so tense, i sat down in a chair

nadezhdana says: i know, i ... that means she really was operated on, she left in the late fifties, after an oncological operation she left the theater, she said, i know that my end is near, by the way, she died in 2002 , at the age of 96, she, that’s what she said, ollya, remember, if... a little light comes up to my coffin, god forbid, she starts saying something, olya, you know me, i’ll stand up. this woman, she played a very serious role in my development, she

was not very generous with compliments, for everything while studying, she once gave me an a at graduation , once, well, she gave me an okay, thank god, then in the mid-seventies... success fell on me, and it seemed to me that i was already somewhere there i arrive at the heights, that’s how it was, well, yes, but in 1978, at the variety theater, i began to play my first solo pop performance, well, she came, she smoked all her life, well, she was a good woman, the first part ended, she goes down the stairs - smoke and i go with her , she looked at me like that and with her finger like that on my cheek

that’s how the genius said to me, and by that time i was collecting stadiums at the sports palace, brezhnev loved you for a second, she ran her finger like that. said: “gen, i congratulate you, you are beginning to become an artist.” i perceive these words absolutely adequately and i answer this at such a long time and in detail, i remind myself of boris nikolaych livanov, whom one artist in the art theater asked about his well-being, she grabbed him by the neck and said: look, you asked me, that’s why listen in detail, like this, like this, to me i really need these reviews, that’s why, if it weren’t for these reviews, if it weren’t for my reactions to this

, and uh, the training to take a hit, maybe what happened to me in my life would not have happened to me when i changed the record in my life professional. nadezhda ivanovna always told me, genya, remember what i tell you, confuse the cards, confuse them, don’t let them get used to you, you must change all the time, listen, but don’t, read the reviews, you won’t understand how evil little people are in general, one thing matter, hope told you such things, larisochka, but i’m trying to take it out of it, i... attribute the offensive part to the form of these people, god bless them, i’m not talking about that, i want to say that i’m asking a question, but there is, suddenly there there is some kind of rational grain, then one more thing , alexander sergeevich already

said long before us, and don’t argue with a fool, yes, but in general, take the blow, it gets better over the years, although... they beat me very painfully, very much, and billy, the most offensive thing, was beaten most of all by his colleagues, and although they explained to me, why are you surprised, so what? you want to hear or find out what was the most offensive thing from them, well, you can tell a lot, especially since we can together forget about this... hint and tell each other about the bags of everything that turned out to be behind our backs, god bless them, but i remember the most terrible thing when my friends, well, colleagues, because