[000:00:00;00] so it’s true, you really have such a dense, rigid structure of your personality, yes, but at the moment when i asked you this question, and you were like that, you went inside, as if to think, you suddenly blushed, and i know that you are definitely aware of this kind of awkwardness, uh, and like all people who blush, you probably avoid it in such circumstances, but i will assume that at this moment, if you follow me, you will agree that that i now suspect your father, otherwise... as if there is some kind of, you know, betrayal him, that we seem to be talking about him not very correctly, not very well, well, there is such a thing, there is such a feeling, great, but do you understand that if you put a man instead of dad, then you will also add your father, well, i will add a certain image that was created in my head, of course, this is a strong image, and yes, probably yes, how would you feel now if your father

told you right now that your daughter, you know, really i never had the courage to give your mother that love, that freedom, that tenderness that she deserved, how would you feel if he now basically admitted to you that he didn’t have the strength to live with a free woman, so he put her at home, did what he did, i think i i would probably have exhaled at that moment, probably, but what did you tell him? thank you for admitting this, what would it be like for you, that a person admitted his weakness, what was in him, like in any person, and what conclusion would you draw for yourself then, that any person has the right to

a mistake, most likely, such a conclusion and even one that... for me, that is, even the winner can make a mistake, but what would it give you, so you know that your relationship can make mistakes, that he can afford that there are no perfect people, what does it mean that you may not be ideal? yes, yes, that i am not an ideal person either. and it also seems to me that there is a very important realization here, or something, that your relationship does not need to be evaluated, now from his position, that what kind of relationship you have tomorrow is the only real one the value of this relationship is determined by your feeling of happiness, love, comfort, everything , everything we need, in this sense, is to get out of our heads and add a little feelings, add

a little of our own... value in all of this, then you will not, well, at least judge in terms of the categories of abuse, victim, and you will learn to be in contact with reality, in contact with a person, and not with the role that this person plays for you, and this role is assigned, of course, by us, if we, for example, set this person in the role of an abuser, yes, for example, we say that he is there inside himself, then from that moment we... cannot have a relationship with reality, we only have a relationship with the model that he performs for us, acts out, that’s it your freedom is probably the most important thing, yes, then you will be able to learn to appreciate, or perhaps focus your feelings on them, in these three of yours, yes, there were three such main ones, and such ethic relationships you have, well, probably the most so

fundamental, it was just... the father of my child, when yes, i met him as since almost after i lost my father, and there was even a fear that the person would leave, in principle, as if it would be the same departure as a father, that is, all the time i’m afraid of this leaving and that the relationship ends, as if this is the same leaving that i had to endure, and this is how you end up. codependent relationships, you create them, this is your contribution, but how do you bring these codependent relationships to episodes of obscenity, as you say, what criteria are in your there were lives, was it physical violence or what was it? in one of the relationships i had an element of, uh, physical violence, there was it, after that i realized that that’s it, now looking back, look,

right there... surely there was a point where it was possible to end everything earlier, was, which did not allow you to identify this point, to see, to realize your own power over your life , maybe something else will change, maybe ... it’s still worth looking further and something will change, and you understand that this the pattern that maybe i’m still wrong, this is the pattern of your relationship with your dad , because you were never able to prove it to him, because you were hiding most of your own life from him, without telling him, somehow hiding it all, yes, he pretended that he didn’t notice it, and you pretended that no one knew anything, it turns out that it was as if he really never recognized you. he didn’t know me, this is really a fact, you see, and this is again the same thing that happens in your relationships with men, and what sergey is talking about, this is the point where you could

earlier to stay in a model where you are careful with your feelings, where you value your feelings and you hear them , this is unacceptable there, this could not happen there, in fact, this is a point of truth when you need to stop lying to yourself and give the right another person to leave, to show absolutely anything, yes, in order not to lead to a state where this person uses force, for example , yes, because well, this is unacceptable, obviously, but if we talk about what tatyana is talking about, how you allowed the other person sit on such a pedestal where you put him as somehow the main thing in your relationship, and your sense of self begins to depend on him, that’s where you begin to lose yourself, that’s for sure, so the most important thing is to learn to trust yourself, your feelings, and for this you need to touch them with your fingertips all the time, and this is the only truth about you, for you , no matter what the other person says, but

your feelings will definitely never be deceived, your feelings, you are watching the podcast triggers with you, its host tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist psychotherapist, psychotherapist. sergei to himself, as for your relationship with your dad, well, this is always such a not very pleasant situation, probably, when you need to take him off the pedestal, and for a while, he will then get back there again, but this will be more conscious, or something like that decision, because yes, this is dad, he was a good dad, a husband is not a fact, and you seem to have taken a tracing paper from him for any manifestations of masculinity, yes, this is true, this is where i agree, because having been in this state when... you said that let's let’s try to get away from this image, suddenly it’s as if it’s clean and a white sheet, that is, how could it be different? i can tell you as a father, and not there as a psychologist, but as a father, that when

we raise a daughter, we put a lot into her with a reserve, so much so that she, you know, in the caucasus there is such a proverb that when you raise a son, you raise a person, and when you raise a daughter, you raise a nation. it’s as if the daughter is always burdened with a little more than is probably necessary, so of course for women it’s very difficult, especially when dad really took such a position, it’s no better when dad, on the contrary, disappointed, but when dad turned out to be such an ideal, then of course, well, usually it’s very difficult for women to build relationships with their husband, with men, with their husband, and dad really i taught you a lot and showed you a lot, but i want to say that you know, as you remember pinocchio: he was looking for a golden key, and he found it near a tortilla, uh, i hope i don’t offend anyone by saying that such a tortilla for you is your mother, now, just sit down and talk to her about how you are

they saw him and what he was like from her point of view, without in any way destroying any ideals, in no way doing anything like that, but just talk to her about her feminine part, what kind of woman she was, we already have there was such a conversation, you see, even more so... in fact, the picture that emerged was, let’s say, quite complex, not very rosy, as it turned out, and there were some moments that i didn’t even want to believe , it was just after his death, but i told myself, and i told her too, that i didn’t it’s important what happened between you, because i don’t want... mine is this world, which, and here i am with my questions, to falter, but this ideal, most likely,

yes, i raised it, let’s say, very high, despite the fact that, by the way, we communicated very little with him, we generally saw each other very little, i understand, in the evening for 2 minutes, where i was doing homework there back in school, they told me, well done, you're doing your homework, yes, it's not like your brother is all right, that's why you had to always earn this praise that you're trying to do today deserve from men, from this ideal person, yes, but i suggest you no longer look back at the praise, but look back at your feelings and sensations. and one more very important point, in my opinion, you said one such phrase, it is very important for me, it was from the point of view of analysis, you said, i was afraid that the relationship would end, remember one simple thing, the relationship will end, any and you need to live with a person in such a way that if they end today, you will not regret it, and this can only be done without betraying yourself in this relationship. this is what i strive for. perhaps this is the very litmus test.

which will help you check in with your feelings, yes, yes, because very often - i blocked mine because i didn’t like something, well, i understand that my mother probably would have blocked it too, so as not to uh, but bring it to conflict, and this is probably the main idea that she always tried to convey to me, i saved the family, that’s why you are fighting in your life between your mother’s scenario and the invented scenario, with an ideal dad, but you are no longer a mother, that’s good, unlike your mother, you are definitely not the kind of woman who will sit at home and save something there so that, yes, you have the opportunity to be absolutely free in your decisions, here you are free, it will be impossible to do anything when you just endure it for yourself, and of course, dad doesn’t evaluate you based on your relationships, as if just accept the fact that dad would really be ready to tell you today how... 32 o that in fact everything was not at all like that,

let's summarize what you take, what new strategies, uh, if you have them, you will take into your life, i tried my dad’s script to be strong in relationships, it didn’t work out, i tried my mom’s script, to be weak submissive and so on, it didn’t work out for me, maybe now it's time to allow. yes, allow yourself, build your personal relationship scenario, this is probably the most important thing, yes, give free rein to your inner freedom, and i really liked what you recommended to me specifically about feelings, to rely on my feelings, i very often get stuck somewhere - further away, so what? it seemed, but this word, it seemed to me, it didn’t seem, but trusting yourself, trusting

yourself is a very straightforward feeling. which i’m not very familiar with yet, thank you very much, it was the podcast triggers with you , its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan, today we talked with elena about her relationships, about the figure of the pope, in the life of a woman and a girl, in my opinion, this it was interesting. you can find all episodes of the triggers podcast on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. and damn, it’s you, he’s very dissatisfied with you.

and if he is dissatisfied with someone, i need more time, today,

do you understand me well? today, yes. frank, please come in, hello, sorry, but there will be no interview today, what happened? the lion had a heart attack, now he is fine, more or less, but he will need rest, oh well, i hope everything will work out. frank, i’ve been waiting for you for an hour, get up quickly.

well, why are you stuck there, time is short, natasha, i feel great. jackson, do you sleep at least sometimes, bad, why so, nightmares like you are much better than doctors think, how much did your doctor give me? a year, six months, less, never listen to what doctors say, not just that. they're killing salt, maybe you can rest today , let's go to the lake, natashika, don't worry, especially since we're already finishing up, yes frank, yes,

great, let's not waste time. well, get started, your most vivid childhood memory, oh, let me think, but i was four years old. i was walking in the garden with my nanny, the cook’s daughter, she saw a grass snake in the bushes and poked it with a stick, but it turned out to be a viper, i didn’t run away, i couldn’t, i was literally chained up,

paralyzing horror, i couldn’t do anything, my legs were rooted to the ground, fortunately. the snake did not touch me, crawled away, and the moment when everything became clear, victory, him, you remember, of course, i clearly remember, i received a telegram from tukhachevsky, he was suppressing the meta at that time. antonov, our last, serious enemy, i remember word for word, the rebellion was liquidated, period, soviet power

was established everywhere, period. this is a historical moment sermuks, remember, i want to appeal to the people, telegraph to the nearest station, let them gather everyone,

population, soldiers, anyone they can.

they gathered everyone they could. give me food, i have nothing, i haven’t eaten for 3 days, i’m dying, give me at least something, i’m sorry, but i really have nothing.

sorry, for god's sake, nothing. do you study physics in your free time? i don’t study, i ’m interested, i want to get to the bottom of it, find out how everything works. this makes you strikingly different from the current political elite. but they believe the opposite. that everyone has known for a long time and tailor reality under their theory, you are talking about someone specifically, and you know, with who is gorky talking to now? lev davidovich, in russia 30 million people are starving, and the poor suffer the most, these are the ones for whom you and i are doing this, everything possible, i

mean citizens, my friend, professor prokopovich, a prominent economist, proposes to organize a collection of donations starving, i don’t think you will be able to raise enough funds, who will you ask, there is no money in the country, does he seem serious? nothing will work out for him, so far he has achieved everything he wanted. if you really want to know, how everything works, go to higher technology, i’m already studying there, and i teach there, in economics. nikolaevich, sedov, lev sedov.

it’s very nice, prokopovich and i are known in the west and you will agree, the funds raised there can be significant, we will buy products in europe, america and deliver them to their most suffering regions, but without the support of the government this is impossible, i understand you, something else, the other day i met with the block, he is very sick. there are simply no doctors left in the city who can help him, he needs to be taken to finland, and gpu, they do not give documents, allegedly on the personal order of derzhensky,

i will raise this issue in the near future. thank you, thank you, lev yes, i had no doubt, i think professorovich’s proposal is correct, in america, during production, they burn excess grain in furnaces, and feed the pigs with excess milk, they will be happy to sell us the surplus at the lowest price, are you thinking about political consequences, it will put us at a disadvantage to the west, if it helps solve the problem of hunger, in any case we you will have to establish connections with them. comrade lenin, do you think we can accept handouts from the exploiting classes of the west. what the rich share with the poor is right. but if it is for charity, it will be humiliating. here comrade stalin is right. we have to pay, otherwise in the eyes of the christians, we will look inconsistent. the peasants are of little interest in our consistency; they are dying. from hunger, well, that means we can and should take advantage of their mood, right now, when people are being eaten on the volga, we can with the most frantic energy to confiscate

church valuables and sell them to the west. we will encounter resistance , and i really hope so, and the more priests we manage to shoot, the better, i believe in resistance, there is no need to overestimate their importance, the village is weak now, but we are strong and we need to take advantage of the situation, comrades, if more there are no questions for today, vladimir, i sent you a note about the bloc and gumilyov, you managed to get acquainted, the bloc has switched to counter-revolutionary positions. it's dangerous to let him out border, we don’t know what to expect from him and what views he will preach , what are you afraid of, felix edundovich, epigrams with unfounded repressions against poets, we are only demonstrating our own weakness, unfounded, you are questioning the work of the gpu, i’ve had enough, comrades, sorry, i’m not feeling well, let’s continue

next time, thank you. leo yes , stay for a minute, i ask you, i don’t know how long i have left, spare me your vulgar pity, trodsky, we have never been friends, but lately we have learned tell each other the truth. this, this is higher than any friendship in my opinion, let's be honest, i must be sure that the work of my life after my death will fall into safe hands, stalin is rude and narrow-minded, and marks the leaders, and you, with your habits, have turned everyone away from you in the party, tell me frankly, you are able to control your ardor and stop turning derzhinsky against you, he is

a real force, we need him. if i agree, what do you see as my next steps? comrade dzerzhinsky, proceed. any economic theory must be based on specific historical research, professor prokopovich, come with us, i have a lecture, let me finish, nothing, hey, what are you doing, leave him, he said,

i’ll get to you, father, i never asked you for anything, i took my mother’s last name so that no one would know that i am your son, in order to achieve everything myself, if your professor is not guilty, he will be released, i ask, help, you and i have already discussed this, can you imagine, enemy, i believe into the competence of gpu employees and i’m not going to explain anything to you, especially to make excuses, lyova is right that an archivist was arrested in our museum department, he is 70 years old, the intelligentsia is being persecuted all over moscow, there are enough writers, philosophers, teachers,

they are not terrorists, that’s all. hello lev davidovich, in case you are too busy to follow the news, i will inform you that the blog died 3 weeks ago. lumelev was shot the day before yesterday, i don’t blame you for their death, the blame lies with us all , to defeat the enemy, we created volokh, discharged him, fed him with the blood of victims, now the enemies are defeated, but he wants more guilty, innocent, enemies, friends, it

doesn’t matter, he is hungry, he needs food, he started with a poet. because they are weaker than others, but having grown teeth, he will take the prey more seriously, you have defeated the persecutors, so do not become them yourself. show mercy, maxim gorky, you were the second person in the country , couldn’t you stop this, the civil war was over... ended, but the world revolution was still ahead and the main battle for the minds, we had yet to win, war, revolution,

you always justify violence as an emergency circumstances, but in reality you doomed the death of thousands of innocents, how do you justify it? in the name of common victory, sometimes you have to give in. yes, i sacrificed them, but later i saved many others, when at the plenum we spoke out against him together and removed him from the central committee, well, stalin won’t just give up, yes, of course, he will try to start a rebellion. by what forces, the people don’t know him, all they can count on is dyuzhinsky michak, in which case i will raise

an army, destroy everything we fought for? the second civil war will destroy the country, you what do you want to rule, deserts? derzhinsky has become old, it’s a necessity. terror has disappeared, and prisons are cracking with prisoners, sobrobu was still planted by the circuit, but no, he took up the professorship, first poets, now professors, lev, calm down, we, we decide destinies, camps and revolutions, and you are bothering yourself with some kind of intelligentsia, everything is fine with you, vladimirovich, you don’t need to feel sorry for me, and you don’t need to feel sorry for anyone, you must be strong and without... merciless, only then you can win, damn it, everything is fine with me, i’m fine , i see what order you are in, you need rest, not work, and you indulge him, lev davidovich, i called him, and i’m seeing him off,

really, lev davidovich, go away, you understand me, yes, yes, rest. secretariat fotieva, lydia alexandrovna, stalin, hello, good afternoon, give me ilicha, but he’s not out for a walk, alone, in my opinion, with alb davidovich, there’s no need to tell him anything when he returns, thank you, lydia alexandrovna.

and this is an act, comrade ilyin, sit down, i have to run after your colleagues, but you yourself showed up, showed consciousness, i don’t find it possible let me hide if they are looking for me. what exactly am i accused of, is it really important, after all, refusing to cooperate with the soviet government, if you want, i did not refuse to cooperate with your government, yours, isn’t it yours, ivan alexandrovich, didn’t we bring you freedom from centuries-old oppression , you really brought people a different kind of freedom, freedom from conscience. do you know what this house is popularly called?

death ship, well, i ask you to board, in response to the restriction of freedom of speech, the suppression of the system independent higher education in the country, in response to... persecution of university teaching staff, we are declaring an indefinite general strike. and we invite students, teachers, everyone who is not indifferent to the fate of education in russia, to join us, give us new tyrants,

give us new kings. give us new tyrants, give us new tyrants, give us new kings, give us new kings, give us new tyrants, give us new ones, give us new kings. thank you, commissar, no need, comrade trossky, i understand everything, the mistakes of youth, with whom it doesn’t happen, i didn’t register,

thank you again, goodbye, let’s go, what? you're doing the damn thing, but what you should have done, i defend freedom, justice, what do you understand about justice, you bastard , lion, don't interfere, let me talk to my son, do you even understand that my enemies will take advantage of this, you're hitting me in the back, you are destroying what i am building, and what you are building, a bright future, who will you go there with, if you destroy everyone who thinks differently, and with dumb slaves without brains, i don’t want this... you don’t revolutionary and not a prophet, you are a hypocrite, an executioner and a usurper, you are the worst of all, i loved you, you were everything to me, but now i see how petty you are, how you fear for your little world, i

hate you and don’t want to see . leva, leave him, let him go, which of them is the most authoritative, i suppose, for what , don’t worry, we don’t just call you here, i asked a question, assistance in what specific form, i’m finding out, bring me to talk, i want to spend the right time . yes, do you know who i am? yes, okay, i won't go around in circles, we intend to put an end to the internal counter-revolution that you and others like you support, but i would like to give you a chance to escape punishment,

in return i will need evidence. your loyalty, a collective letter signed by you, your colleagues, with public recognition of the soviet regime , i will not hide, we need you, your intelligence, your knowledge, to rebuild the country again, make it the greatest in the world, in return you get decent living conditions for you your families, this is impossible for me, why are you a liar? a thief is a murderer, and under the guise of freedom you brought people the greatest slavery, you killed more russians than in any of the wars known in the history of russia, after that you ask me why? you know, don’t wring your hands, you lost, learn to look into the future, the future, your future has already arrived, here in these... here

it is, look, all your achievements will be based on pain, torture, fear, you snatch confession from people loyalty to you and your ideas, torture, your escopadas do not touch me at all, although it seems that you are sincere in your impulses, if we are such from the children hell, why did the people support us, you were supported by the mob, not the people, your revolution is a rebellion of a bandit, a criminal. the rest were intimidated or tempted by the idea of ​​an earthly-material paradise. this is satan's trick. we just restored justice. for you, heaven on earth is the russian empire of the year 913, so tell us about it? to the starving peasants, tell the workers , whom you kept in check out of drunkenness, ignorance, the jews, tell them, who had no

right to settle next door to you, the world that you destroyed trodsky was imperfect, there were scoundrels in it, you? made everyone scoundrels, you are either an executioner or a slave applauding him, your revolution, vulgarity, militant vulgarity , you rely on fear, this will not last long, if the people do not overthrow you, you will strangle each other yourself, oh well, you will sign the letter, no, no, good, well, if you are preparing death, what is your will? yes, you are still dooming your comrades, no, you are dooming them to death, you are a strike of professors, the same kranstatt

rebellion, only with textbooks instead of weapons and not on the battlefield, in classrooms, therefore it is necessary to do the same, to suppress the rebellion. and not to take into account any victims, we detained the most dangerous participants in the conspiracy of professors, 63 people, their execution will sober up the rest of the professors and active students, those who continue will repeat their fate, until when, excuse me, doubt, doubt, the properties of the developed ... have no doubt, only a fool and a scoundrel, if we destroy those who disagree with us over and over again, who will we end up with? i think lev davich knows as well as you and me,

that these professors are ideological enemies, we cannot endlessly tolerate their counter-revolutionary antics, yes , but there is nothing to shoot them for, they participated in a counter-revolutionary conspiracy, invented, invented by you, izik for... this is a refusal to work in the conditions that we we impose , by shooting intellectuals who are popular all over the world, we will alienate western intellectuals, many of whom , by the way, support us, and then we will be left without loans, technologies, specialists, without whom our industrialization will suffocate, we will dance to the tune of the west, yes we will, if it helps us to overtake them, while... we are weaker, we must hide our pride, learn everything that can be taught to us. ilin, on the way out,

gentlemen, apparently my devil has come, goodbye, goodbye. let's hurry up, why are you bothering? was violence justified in war? fear and repression are the weapons of the weak on the path to victory. but to show mercy is the right of the strong, it is the privilege of the victors. mercifully, we prove to the whole world that we have won. we are confident in ourselves and can not be afraid of those who disagree. all this is understandable. comrade lenin. just a minute. what exactly you are offering? endure endless counter-revolutionary attacks? no. expel them from

the country as an undesirable element. yes, this will be a gift for them. abroad they will continue their counter-revolutionary activities. yes , let it be that it is not there. there are a lot of enemies there, the professors will only have to join the general will, but we can get much more from this action, but we can lose, let’s let him finish, and what do you think we gain, people, the very ones who don’t believe us now, and we will show them that we are not afraid of different opinions, you can bark, but just don’t here, get out, we 'll manage without you. either stupidity or counter-relation , i think, so, the positions are clear, let 's move on to voting, only members of the politburo vote, so felix edmovich, i ask you to do so. so, who is in favor of supporting

comrade stalin’s proposal? sign, i already said, i’m okay, sign, sign, who is in favor of supporting comrade trodsky’s proposal? sign that you will never return to russia under penalty of death if you are released, the accused if you agree to leave released at his own expense with the obligation to leave the prison within five days. otherwise, he will be kept in a special department until

deportation in a staged manner, everything is clear to everyone, comrade trotsky’s proposal passes with four votes to three. feliksovich, i ask you to prepare the expulsion from the country of all the most dangerous representatives of the intelligentsia in your opinion. shall we cleanse russia?

mom told me everything, dad, i wanted to. korsavin, lossky, trubetskoy, prokopovich, frank, berdyaev, vysheslavsky. this is not what you wanted, i know, but they still have life, maybe they will be able to return when i fix everything here,

bakal, novikov, yasinsky, ugrimov, tsvetkov , ventetsky, ramadanovsky, sibirsky, volodya, it’s time to go to bed, you should already be resting. to hell with rest, it will most likely send me to the grave, what are you saying? nadenka, well, you understood perfectly what i mean, besides , i feel wonderful, wonderful, really, lem davidovich and i are already finishing, 5 minutes, nadezhda konstantinovna, i swear, i rely on your responsibility, go my friend, thank you, you forced us to open ahead of time, vladimir, we shouldn’t let fear take over, and we lost derzhinsky, but we have a majority in the politburo. we will be stronger as prisoners, well, we’ll have to rely on my authority