[000:00:00;00] in order for personal stories to be worked out in such a way that they do not negatively affect the work with the client, including educational personal therapy that teaches how to feel, trust the professional community, and say in time: stop, i am not in a resource, i am not in a state in which i can benefit my clients, this is the four-part model, theory, practice, supervision and educational personal therapy. undoubtedly, during supervision, the supervisor can analyze cases, but so called the third level, yes, at the personal level of a specialist. usually, when an adult, i mean, who has already completed his education, entered his own practice, and has taken full responsibility for the quality of his work, a psychologist or psychotherapist turns to a supervisor, the supervisor asks him a question: at what level or levels will

our work be carried out ? or analysis of your case. the first level is all about the client, about his history, cause-and-effect relationships. the second level is the level of relationships, what happens in sessions between you as a psychologist and your client, as well as in parallel with the session and between sessions. and the third level is the personal level of the specialist, the personal level, how your personal history, your character, what is happening at this moment in your life happened. your history, family history, what is happening with your ethnicity, what was in your education, all this can affect the work with the client, this is about the third level, about the personal level of the specialist, here the supervisor can show how what you are experiencing can affect your work with a client, but not necessarily, but if you have a need to change something, work through it, change your emotional

state, improve relationships with your family. or not to do this by making a conscious decision about separation, this is a request to a training personal therapist, just like a psychologist for psychologists. yes. ekaterina, what happens if a psychologist comes to his client in such a, what can i say, unresourced state? firstly, there probably won’t be work. effective, this is in the best case, in the worst case, of course, an injury will be received, yeah, first of all by the consultant, the client can also get injured, because at the moment at the moment of being. in a serious experience, in an altered emotional state, a psychologist can go beyond professional boundaries, what does this mean? well, for example, enter into an emotional state and react overly emotionally to what the client is telling, or, for example , getting involved in his story, begin to give him advice based on personal experience, which absolutely cannot be done, yes, as i

understand psychologists? situations are different, but imagine a young girl who has just become a mother for the first time, yes , the circumstances were such that her husband left , she was left alone, a young mother, left alone, may be in such an altered state and truly not understand how to care about the baby, how to improve everyday life, in this case , of course, a psychologist can show such complicity and suggest where to turn, it’s a matter of informing, yeah, well, of course, no one really... cooks porridge will be, but to inform about what social services there are, and in our society , what else you can pay attention to, of course, there are situations in which a psychologist can take on this function, but let’s talk about your story in more detail, since that’s the case we are lucky and you are here today with such a strong supervisor in the studio, lucky indeed, let’s start with the fact that for a long time i really worked with

the question of my father, and we have a long, difficult relationship with him, such a very tyronical father was all my life , in general, when i grew up, yes, when i got married, i worked to ensure that i could come to visit them, for example, and feel collected, without the pressure of always coming to my parents’ house, yes, and not like for an exam. yes, more like for an exam, i probably came and every time i had to get ready, to be honest, i never managed to get into the car and come say, hurray, great, here i am, no, every time i had to gather all your resources into a fist and conduct a meeting on such a feigned positive, probably more and, probably, this also influenced my decision to end the relationship, because at

some point, very unpleasant crossings of my personal boundaries began, and they began to advise me, not even advise, strongly recommend how to raise a child, how much money there to give him for... personal expenses, what kind of car should i drive, what kind of fuel should i refuel, or can you describe some picture to us, so that we can simply understand, a fresh one and a picture, when a child has health problems, and we started working on getting him to go on a diet, naturally, with such a diet, no cola, no chips, nothing else, but it’s simply absolutely forbidden, i asked my parents, if he sends them a request, send them 100-200 rubles for pocket money expenses so that they don’t send or at least agree, because most likely he will go and buy something that is forbidden, and mom seemed to get into the situation, and dad quietly sent him money, or somehow

gave him cash, or gave him , and several times i paid attention to this, i said, dad, well, this harmful to health, this is dangerous to health now, there is no need to do this now, yes, okay , i heard you, about 2 days again money falls on his card again, i see that the child comes there with cola and something else, i i call and say, dad , well, so and so, i understand everything, you want to pamper your grandson, but still, how old is your grandson, 12, yeah, he has his own card, yes, ah, you want to pamper, okay, well, but let’s somehow differentiate, yes, i heard you, i understood you, yet, and like this, for a month, i every time i paid attention to this, and every time - if money was handed over to him personally, dad would say that just don’t tell mom or mom won’t find out, this erasure of authority has happened in parallel, well, there’s such an opposition , and i see that

the child also began to lie to me about this, no one gave me anything, i didn’t buy anything, in general, i started hiding cans of cola somewhere under the pillows, so that god forbid my mother would see, in connection with this whole position, naturally i came to them, i say, so’ for silver, or you don’t give absolutely no money, yes, or we stop interacting with you, we seem to have heard, but after 2 days the money in the account drops again, naturally, at that moment i said, that ’s enough, but if you don’t want to hear me, we end the interaction there, i warned , yeah, i blocked his phone so that he didn’t have the opportunity to answer, because in such situations , when it’s hard for dad to defend his point of view, he begins to press for pity, or enter into this position of insults, and kilometers of samsoks usually fly by , grandson or you, well usually to me, yes, but here you predicted just the story, that since you can’t write to me

, you can write to your grandson, the night when dad was, it was clearly visible from the messages, in the next alcoholic hospital, so he received messages with the same content as mom. .. will always put pressure on you, she will never give you the opportunity to choose what you want, well , this is a position that i just distanced myself from my family as much as possible and i really didn’t want to be in such energies, wait, you said to overcome your family, then there is this situation in itself for you, it is not new, you had something similar in your childhood, yes, well, my father controlled me all my life, even to the point that he kept track of which store with which... i went with friends, that is, i had such a thing that i turned around when i was walking with friends, dad was standing around the corner, looking where we were, if you broke dad’s rules, then what happened, it was very difficult, we had, well, okay , if it was just a showdown in a raised

voice, sometimes it would lead to fights and packing of things, and this was always through insults, through such severe insults, and at the same time my mother was so distant, that is, i was the only one in this defense all my life. this is a psychic podcast, my name is natalya loseveva and today we are talking about who will help a psychologist? alla, what is your request for a supervisor , a request for me not to feel this guilt that burdens me, and for the fact that i broke off relations with my parents, i understand as an adult that this is necessary, and this is the healthiest thing solution in this situation, but i still feel guilty. because it’s hard for a child too to survive this parting with my grandmother, with my grandfather, yes, after all , he communicated with them for 12 years, and then suddenly he doesn’t, and somehow, based on the social framework, i guess, yes,

i need to communicate with my parents, that’s exactly society encourages me to experience this feeling of guilt, and it’s very difficult for me to separate myself from this point, i want to feel more free, to feel in this, well , i’ve made a decision, well done, keep it all right with you, well, this position, that everything is fine with me at this point, it’s very difficult to save, hello, please tell me, huh what other love languages ​​besides sending money are present in your family and in your parent's family? interaction between two families? in my family, i still try to do this through hugs, and through spending some personal time together, going to the park, going to the movies there, and if my son comes with some kind of request, i always put things off and listen to him, i’m trying... what is he saying and why, well, even based

on the fact that he came yesterday and said: “i’m very tired and don’t want to go to school tomorrow, we sat down, sorted it out, i’m really tired, he says, well okay, stay, this didn’t happen in my family, that is, in 11 years i never missed school, under any circumstances, even when i was sick, yeah, but in terms of interaction with my parental family, but in general it was like that, that is, if we, for example, were going..." to their home, then i understood that i needed to take something with me, this is such an indicator that i paid attention to them, not that i arrived, but that that i brought something, for example, i don’t know, a cake, some kind of holiday gift or something else, mostly the last for 2-3 years we met only on holidays, allah, what makes you believe that the feeling of guilt is unnatural in this situation, apparently that other people, but still

have some kind of relationship with their parents, and you can always call your mom, you can call your dad there, and probably in my circle there are no people who have broken relationships with their parents, apparently this affects me very much, well, plus, my husband also always loved my mother, they had warm relationship, your mother or his mother, his, and he always, as they say, drowns for these child-parent relationships, so that they are always available , uh-huh, so what makes you believe that it is unnatural to feel a sense of guilt in the current situation, as for me it is very excessive, because sometimes i start there very very much in the evenings, driving yourself into a state of almost such apathy, yes, when you don’t want to do anything, because this feeling of guilt, it’s just... it

weighs on your shoulders, that’s when you can’t lift yourself up to force yourself to do something , here of course, it already becomes that feeling above who want to work, this feeling of apathy in the evenings, it came after you broke off the relationship, yes, yes, the termination of the relationship, as i heard, took place not only between you, but you also interrupted the child’s relationship with his grandparents, yes , yes, your husband no longer communicates with your parents either? several messages with insults from my father said: “i don’t want to communicate with him anymore.” what was your reason for ending your grandchild- grandparent relationship? message in the night from drunk grandfather, yes, about the fact that you should never trust your mother, and i don’t send you money just because she sends it back to me, in general, well, there were outright lies, yes, plus on top of everything this insult me. humiliation of me as a mother and it was to this message

that i already wrote from my phone that we disagree at this point and i forbid you to interact with my child without my presence and the father’s alcoholization has been going on for a long time, a long time ago, a long time ago, it started after his mother's death when this happened, how old is father, about 25 years ago, probably, yeah, i was just enrolling in everything here, how old is dad now? 61, it turns out, when his mother died, when he was about forty, probably, yeah, and the cause of his mother’s death, she was in the hospital, she had diabetes, and when she was discharged from the hospital, actually, while packing her things, she just fell and didn’t leave the hospital, yeah, that is, it was an unexpected death, were any features noticed before that? dad's psyche. in fact, yes, since

childhood i have observed this story of tyranny with on his part, we had a lot of ugly situations, when they offered me to go to an orphanage, when they locked me in the bathroom, and there they taped my mouth so that i wouldn’t talk again, well, in general, there were a lot of difficult situations that i sorted it out, in fact, and it gave me this general picture that, in general, dad, if he had not recovered at all until he was sixty. yeah, it’s unlikely that anything will happen to him at 60, but where is mom, no, mom has this energy component, i’ve never felt it, i i saw her at home, i knew that i had a mother, and she also taught at school, she was my class teacher, a mathematics teacher, in general, so comprehensive, yeah, and at the same time i didn’t feel that i have a mother, there in the lessons, i was the first one on whom everyone

there tested the solutions to problems and who was the first to be crucified near the blackboard, in front of the whole class, i will note a parenthesis that this is probably a separate story, the grass is a trauma for children. and every time there were some conflicts between my dad and me, i didn’t even have an attempt to turn to to my mother, because my mother protected me, for support, yes, because my mother was somewhere in the room at that moment, she always stood back like that, or generally went off to the side somewhere, that is, i basically never saw her, that’s right i understand that cutting off contact is one of the most common ways to leave a relationship. your family yes. yeah, that is, this has already happened, the father breaks off relations with those who disagree with him all his life, everyone who disagrees with him becomes enemies, immediately at that very moment. allah, this is all my life you endured, endured, did something to stay in a relationship with your dad, what has changed now, what resource did you lack earlier to break off the relationship, but

it appeared now and you were able to do it, probably my husband, husband, yeah , yes, oddly enough, after marriage. given his traditional relationship with his mother, and even with such primacy, communication with older relatives, you said that his communication with his mother was very important for the husband, yes, yes, and just when he appeared in our circle with his son, he just started carrying this one value, that in general it’s very cool when parents warmly interact there with their children, yes, when it’s not built on some kind of... on monetary relations, yeah, but when it’s just you come and be happy with me, that’s it and i’m glad that i am you, he showed me, as if a completely different normality, it turns out, and when i came home i saw that this was really the case, that he didn’t need me to come home, yes, and bring a bunch of packages there, yes, she prepared food for him, what else, she deserved approval, yes, he

simply accepted everything that happened to us in this moment, allah, i have to ask, your child is 12 years old, and the husband you are talking about is the child’s father, no, okay, then this husband, when he appeared in your family system, literally in the twenty- second year we signed with him, yes, since the twentieth year, in fact, we have known each other, the father, the child participate in his life, insofar as in commodity-money relations, directly your scheme, perhaps, says that you, for your part , have already tried which ones to introduce new traditions of interaction with parents, i came, i could... just hug my mom there, yes, say, oh, how i missed you, or how much i love you, and when i left, we hugged there for a long time with mom and dad, on the one hand i felt this warmth, but on the other hand, now i left, they seemed to have forgotten that we had just hugged there or

hugged there 2 days ago, and it went back to the same level of interaction as we usually interacted, where would you like come in your relationship with your parental family? future, describe such an ideal picture future? well, probably in warmth, yes, when in such unconditional love, when they don’t expect anything from me in return, but simply accept me as i am, that’s how it’s happening now with my husband, i feel good, they accept me, i feel bad they also accept, do you hear? what makes you believe that your parents are capable of unconditional love in general? to be honest, i don’t believe anything, that’s why i ended the relationship, that is, you set yourself a goal that is unattainable, but it turns out, could this be the reason for your feelings of guilt, i think that

maybe yes, yeah, but what kind of interaction do you think with your parental family would be possible and good enough for you and your son. well, maybe about building some points, but how do we make a schedule, for example, thanks to this schedule we all see the points, maybe this is like such a contractual interaction? that's right, i want to give feedback, but it seems that you want your parents to love you like a little girl, but unfortunately, you are no longer a little girl, i i would even say fortunately, that’s why your parents. perhaps they love as best they know how, they don’t yet have new skills, new understandings about how they can generally show their love and be close to an adult twelve-year-old boy. with an adult daughter, with a new husband, they don’t have this understanding, they do what they know how:

they send money, yes, or they leak negativity, for the majority this is exactly what intimacy, recognition, love and complicity are, this is good enough for them, it's interesting that you decided to cut off contact, yes, i hear you interpreted as such an adult, independent, healthy decision, but you acted exactly as is accepted neurotically in your family, yes, just pretend that you don’t exist, you died like dad’s mother, and in his life, you just made yourself what dad did, actually did what mom did , i would say, yes, because mom is the person who, unable to stand dad, simply went into another room and was not seen at all all her life, yes, but this evening apathy perhaps suggests that after all a decision you didn't quite make. all of you are questioned, including, perhaps, the feeling of guilt is due to the fact that you really decided your son,

grandparents, and he is 12 years old, they have their own relationship, they are important, significant figures in his life, now another significant figure has come into his life, which is why, yes, the boy needs to somehow adapt to the new space, and here relying on familiar relatives would also be good, support for him, do that. what would be best and more comfortable for you, the decision that you made to simply cut off contact, perhaps this is not the optimal solution, yeah, when we become adult children of our parents, and especially professionals, perhaps this is precisely our task to try to teach our two families communicate and be together in a way that will be comfortable for everyone, parents simply may not know how to do it differently, they know how to please a five-year-old child by buying chips, but how

to please the forty-year-old woman they they love, and perhaps they want to communicate, dad conveys that he wants to communicate, he is trying, yes, this is undoubtedly an important thing, and natalya, of course, a very valuable comment on your part, that m, most likely, such a debut is alcoholic in adulthood... suggests that dad already had mental characteristics before this, now he is at an age at which they will only get worse, isolating the grandson from a possibly mentally unhealthy grandfather, this is one thing, yes, and also you well, pay attention to where the value of this contact is for you, for the child, what and why was there a connection, yes, what was so valuable that this male figure gave to the boy, think again, yeah. do you even have the right to make a decision and cut off this male connection, yes, especially since husbands have changed, the boy

probably has a need to remain in good contact, this is a podcast of the psyche, my name is natalya loseveva and we today we are talking about who will help the psychologist? you said that when you are in personal contact with your parents, when you have the opportunity to hug, to be together, everything is enough ok, so, it’s possible to sort things out over the phone, and even more so by correspondence with your parents, this is the space in which you will definitely quarrel and break off the relationship, here i’ll probably correct it a little, yes, because those moments, when we hugged, they were quite rare and i just found a moment when they were in a more collected state, but if about such an environmentally friendly showdown . the last conflict we had was

literally when i was 35-34 there, this is new, and i came to talk about how i feel, yes, what kind of work i now see for myself and what kind of family i now see for myself and how it all should be in my mind at that moment they were sitting drinking tea at the table, dad just exploded in the moment, it all ended in a very strong fight, white lips, eyes like these, and to be honest, i was just scared for my life, so this is a moment that, well , we need completely different specialists in this situation, i want to point out that my mother died of diabetes, so these are white lips flash anger, it looks like dad may also have diabetes, and completely different specialists are needed, i won’t think in that direction. by the way, you expect him to be an adult dad like he was in

your childhood, but before us appears, well, a rather unhealthy adult. ekaterina, if alla, being in such a state of these acute experiences, at the moment of conflict with dad there a day, two days after that, experiencing resentment, and the desire to break off this relationship, experiencing an acute sense of guilt because of the desire to end the relationship forever, i met with the client, this is what the injury could be, what kind of injury she could get, how serious it all is. of course, being in a state of acute experiences, well, you have an open emotional wound, and here everything that can remind you and even does not relate to personal history at all can become the salt that will make you experience, that is , the client’s story, it would aggravate those experiences , which alla would experience at that moment to herself, at that moment, she triggered

everything, even there was an incorrectly served cup coffee, in a cafe. this is why it is important for a psychologist not to be isolated, but to be part of the professional space, because perhaps, being in this state, you would also like to hide in client work, so that for at least an hour you don’t have to think about your conflict in the family, which would absolutely not be possible to do, right at this moment, categorically or not, this is exactly what your supervisor should have answers to, a person who knows you in good condition, who can definitely show: look, you are like this now, look how you are react, please take a break and don’t work with clients, because psychologists are psychotherapists, we are people too, our relatives die, unfortunately, things happen in our world that touch us, so always be in the best shape, and never worry, it’s impossible, yeah, so we need another person, a colleague who, from

the outside, knowing us, can give an assessment and say, slow down. not now, take a break, take a break, yeah, it’s better if this supervisor is permanent in the psychologist’s life, that is, he knows him for a long time and understands, tell me, this is what - a psychologist has more opportunities to realize himself in the profession, one whose childhood and youth were more or less prosperous, or one whose childhood, like alla’s, was also accompanied by some kind of trauma, such as - shocks, that is, myself. i went through, i ate the salt path with myself, i toughened myself up and became a good psychologist, or not? what you are talking about is personal experience; a psychologist is a professional with a high level of professional training. if we were talking about what is valuable in solving a problem, human experience, then we wouldn’t go to psychologists, to the grandmothers who sit in front of the entrance, because they

definitely have a lot of experience. yes, but we don't do that. because psychologists and psychotherapists are professionals and they work with professional tools. well, friends, psychologists are people too, we congratulate all psychologists on the holiday they celebrate on november 22, we wish them patience, simple human joy and a good supervisor nearby. it was a psychic podcast, today we had as an expert ekaterina makarova, psychotherapist, supervisor is our hero. psychologist allashkina. hello everyone, my name is natasha krasnova, this is the sex in the light podcast and today we will raise

an important topic - gender stereotypes and sexuality. to visit me. two wonderful people, the author of books on sexology, and natalya fomicheva, and a person who will defend the male point of view, sexologist, psychologist, konstantin nikulin, to start, i don’t even know what the most delicious thing is, for example, about what a woman should not show i showed initiative now the initiative, but i don’t seem to have to, that is, i’m so bright, a normal male, let’s call it conditionally, won’t want to, gets scared, yes, this is not normal, this fish should swim away from the man’s big fish, it should hide, but he finds it , the only exception is hyenas, in which the females have a very large, by the standards of all other animals, clitoris, they threaten the male if anything happens, and these are the only animals in which an erection in a male will mean fear, not dominance, they do not have gender

stereotypes, hyenas, take the lead, the female part takes the initiative, this somewhat frightens the males, but on the whole does not affect their further reproduction, that is, if men are in fear, they are unlikely... and male hyenas have an erection in response to fear, but these are the only creatures , and women should not scare their males, this is the first stereotype that we begin to discuss, because men, it seems to me, in our still patriarchal society are not ready for female, well, not even dominance, but leadership, they are not understand how to behave in this moment, and feeling anxious. aggression, humiliation can also happen, and what have you come up with here, what have you seen enough of, are you cheating on me with someone, if you, suddenly, no, you ’re already in a stable relationship, but let’s say i’m seeing you for the first time

, i come up to you, i say what your name is, you say, there is seryozha, for example, you are lying, for example , to me, you say what your name is, i say, i have natasha, do you want me to treat you, well, what are you drinking , cognac, cognac, i start to treat you to a skate, i say, maybe come to me that you you’ll think that i want to cut out a kidney from you, right? well, an adequate woman cannot offer sex herself; the culture of the vast majority of men will perceive this as a risky offer; they may refuse, although the offer might even be tempting for them. natasha, what should i do? training men, we got up, this is a long process, but is there some short-term remedy , relatively speaking, how can i express myself, but pretending that i’m not... well, relatively speaking, somehow hinting, pulling my hair , like this is a hint that i want you, but i don't come up and say, i want you , it seems to me that playing too much

social games doesn't make sense, if we 're talking about whether it works or not, that's the point and the thing is that we don’t have any clear-cut tools that will work always and everywhere, and if a woman feels initiative in herself, she can show it, after all, those men who are afraid of this initiative, why would she need such initiative in a relationship? anxious, phobic man, that is , if he didn’t respond, it means he didn’t fate, for many men, and a slightly longer delayed gaze with a woman’s smile, this will already be such a big hello to talk a little longer and a little deeper, how much to look into the eyes in seconds, tell me five seconds, five seconds, more, than usual, it is advisable to hold the tie at this moment, choke it a little and talk and say, yes, you are mine today, this frightens everything, that’s the point, where, if not to go too far with this stick, this is now a manifestation of more

one stereotype that a woman must should take care of the emotional comfort of a man, let the man himself take care of how he should be scared or not scared and what he should do with his anxiety, why is this a woman’s task, because it is believed, here is a stereotype, that... she should preserve the conventional family hearth there that a woman should take care of the emotional component of the couple, and a man should bank, that’s it, this is not just a misconception, it’s a very severe misconception, sometimes women came to me for consultation completely burnt out, who listened to people who said that women are only responsible for marrying you, it means you’re not trying hard, so here i want to speak on the side of the woman, that in a couple everything... but only a couple, both are interested and are responsible for so that the couple is negotiable and generally happy in their sexual life, in the domestic sphere, in other areas, the second point i would

like to say is about maturity in a relationship, and both a man and a woman can be immature, and can be many years old according to their passport , but this does not affect maturity, you know, there is a good saying that how to understand a mature relationship or not, if they made you tea or coffee in the morning, you said that it’s just so-so, tea, then no one starts to get offended and say what that means i’m like, yes, you always don’t like what i bring to you, specifically, we can substantively discuss the topic of conversation, including sex, here’s another stereotype, by the way, about sex, that women need much less sex than men, that women are considered noble in their deeds, but sex, well, first of all, it’s something shameful, this is another stereotype, we will return to it, but... men need sex non-stop. in fact, there is a good saying that a man wants sex every day, until he meets a woman who has sex every day, and if we talk from a biological point of view, our

libido, our desire is influenced by testosterone levels, not directly, we are still slightly more complex animals than, for example, rats there injected a male with testosterone, but he immediately ran to look for it, and testosterone affects the number of sexual fantasies, so... how many times does a person think, in principle, about the level of experiencing pleasure directly in sexual interaction, but testosterone is not everything, and indeed in men than in women, women also have it, and there are different corridors, in general, some part libido we can explain by the level of testosterone, but our libido is very capricious, our female or our human, it is influenced by stress, and anxiety, worries, and so on, and here we can say unequivocally that our man is just some kind of mechanism , to whom everything

it takes time to get it done again. a man in some kind of framework, clients come to me and wonder if everything is okay with them if they don’t want sex every day, yes, and most of the sexologist’s consultations are a story about what we tell clients, with you everything is fine, this is a story about the fact that we are very different and it is impossible to force us into some kind of framework and say that in a healthy relationship , sex should be two or three times a week, yeah, let's compare relationships when they start? firstborn, this is a different relationship, although intimacy hasn’t gone anywhere, love hasn’t gone anywhere, you just want sex, well, again, a woman produces prolactin, it suppresses libido, well, in any case, but some people don’t, yes, they do, which, on the contrary, continues to the same regime, but again, lack of sleep also affects, probably, lack of sleep, anxiety, all this affects, but there is no such thing , well, that is, we are destroying this stereotype or confirming that women

generally do not want. women don’t want sex, women don’t want the sex that the men who are next to them can offer, i would go there too i would add the myth that men are polygamous, this is a layer, a huge topic, we have heard billions of times that men are polygamous and women are monogamous, but polygamy is a characteristic of the species, not gender, that is, if we are monogamous, relatively speaking, we everyone is monogamous, both men and women, but apparently somehow this is a female polygamy... no, but if you look from the point of view of evolutionary sexology, which takes into account precisely this difference in species, we have absolutely monogamous species such as gibons, this is a species where the male and female will be the same size, they do not need the difference in body weight, size, and if we are talking about harem species, for example, gorillas, where there is one male who collects grief from

the females, fights for this grief with the neighboring one. males, there we will see a very strong difference in size, males will be about 50% larger and heavier than females, because they, not only have you gathered with grief, you also need to somehow discipline them, they won’t either they sit and don’t wait, plus in grief-stricken species, again, if we’re talking about premates, the size of their genital organs in males is relatively bodies, quite small, and if we take people the most... the species closest to us here is banoba, but they are hippies among monkeys, they have sex even just to improve relationships, so if we look at banoba, the difference between males females are about 10-15%, we see the same thing in people, and if we look at their structure, the genitals of males are relatively large, well, that is , this proportion of body and size, but it’s significant, it’s larger there , than the gorillas,

although the gorillas are big here too... we are talking that they are such polemours, that is, they have - many different interactions, they do not have these fixed pairs there, like gibons, for example, in general - there is such a hypothesis in evolutionary sexology that, in fact, a woman , a female must have several males during one sexual intercourse, because the transfer of genetic material occurs due to sperm competition. well, it turns out that it means that females are also not monogamous at all, absolutely not monogamous, yeah, well, even from a purely mathematical point of view it’s impossible, we don’t have it turns out that we have polygamous men and monogamous women, with whom will they be polygamous, if all women are monogamous, in general, we are not monogamous creatures, no, that is why it is so difficult for us to maintain monogamy, if it were inherent in our nature, for us i wouldn’t have to put in so much effort not to cheat on my partner.

so i have a question then, well, that is, i read the same david bas, who claims that comparing your partner, even if you love him very much, i love my husband, but i see handsome, smart, rich men, i see them, i’m not blind, and i, well, maybe unconsciously, but it’s as if i’m comparing, but i always compare in favor of my partner, this has, well, some kind of conditional monogamy, i haven’t met just better , i just haven’t met anyone better, and that too, but now enough time has passed , that is, falling in love has already subsided, that is , now some kind of feeling is more about love than about being in love, that is, the hormones are no longer raging. sex has already become stable, not like this every day, come on, you know, i agree with evolutionary sexology, of course well, yes to our tendency towards polygamy, yes in men and women, but it seems to me that humans, to a greater extent than animals , have the opportunity to establish

an emotional connection in a union, then, other things being equal, compare, for example, your husband with others, your husband there will definitely be more winnings if you have a good relationship with him. unfortunately, modern sevens pay little attention to this, generally just spouses, then, of course , when something doesn’t suit you, you immediately think, well, i’ll go look for another husband or look for another wife, so it seems to me it is very important to take care of your union , including going to couples therapy, discussing openly what you like and what you don’t like, thus establishing deep connections, but this again will not guarantee that someone doesn’t... at the expense of the other partner, you, but this is normal, there are no guarantees, in general, in principle, and emotional attachment is also supported by a good level of oxytocin, which is produced after orgasm, well , listen, and oxytocin, with hugs, with

hugs too, but if the sex is of poor quality, then the attachment will, well, on this side sag a little, that is, if a woman , relatively speaking, has sex for health, and we have such people. tanks that are necessary for i don’t want a husband or something, i don’t want my partner, i don’t want sex at all, i ’m asexual, but she doesn’t admit it to herself, but for health i will specifically have sex, will it lead to health or no, i doubt something, this is actually some kind of strange story, well, i just heard, they write on the forums, sex is positive, it’s another, you know, such a myth that, by the way, from gynecologists, who also... it seems that you need to have sex for a woman to come out looking, roughly speaking, where, here you are, come to me, then they would prescribe, right in the pharmacies we get prescriptions, you husband, a man three times a day after meals

, we continue our conversation, the topic of our podcast today is gender stereotypes and sexuality, let's talk about another stereotype that we would like to touch on female orgasms, it affects the experience of orgasm and we always have emotional experiences among us among people among people, therefore suddenly men can also have very different levels of saturation, intensity, and experience of orgasm. natasha, look, but for men it is always, well, the same, for men there is only one orgasm, and for women it is vaginal, but it is the same, stimulation of the penis, there is something else, but for you it is somehow, poorly, the same . it seems to me that you are loudly burning one of the myths, yes , but this is what i’m telling you now, there is a myth that you have a male orgasm, according to the guest, ok, there was an orgasm, but women seem to have a feeling like as if we experience an orgasm, and the vaginal, clitoral, i now call it, i don’t agree with them with this

division, for me orgasm is also one, a woman’s pelvic floor muscles contract, well , that means orgasm, no, the pelvic floor muscles do not contract, from the clitoral tissues , an impulse goes along the nerve pathways to the brain and a discharge occurs, orgasm is a reflex, there is a myth, it began from the time of sigmund freud, who said that clitoral orgasm is for little girls, let them have fun with their clitoris, but when a girl becomes a sexually mature woman, her orgasm migrates deeper, if i, say, get a conditioned clitoral orgasm, i’m not mature, i’m just a subwoman, how can we deal with this myth? debunk how? and we have certain knowledge about the anatomical structure, in the early 2000s, suddenly a miracle and a breakthrough finally happened , and a 3d ultrasound image of the stimulated clitoris was obtained, it turned out that

this is an organ that, first of all, is intended