moment he decides to marry her to a rich kyrgyz who lives in the mountains, in fact, the most dramatic moment in this story is when the girl altynai is kidnapped from school, duchesne does not want to give her up, but he is powerless against several strong men who came to take altenai, and altynai against her will. they give me in marriage, that night i became a woman, she writes, because well , the story itself is structured as such a written confession, and the heroines, and then duchesne still , with the help of the soviet government, with the help of the police, restores justice, achieves the fact that altynai is, as it were , disgraced and dishonored in the eyes of the village, but not in the eyes of duchenne, but not in the eyes of the new government, but not...

in the eyes of the new world, and she is sent to continue studying, in the end this story at first glance has such kind of a happy ending, because duchesne becomes a doctor of science, an academician, she reaches some incredible heights there, at the same time, the very tone of this story, it’s quite sad, because what i’m saying is a story in story, this story is framed by the fate of the teacher duchesne himself. which is so stayed in this village, who remained a nobody, who was laughed at , who participated in the war, then aitmatov gives such a hollow hint, ends up in the camps, perhaps during the war he was captured, this is the fault , altynai in front of duchesne, this is the fault a woman who has made a career in soviet society, well, in general, is not very happy as a woman, since duchesne remains her first love, so... all these circumstances, they

give this story such a sad shade. it’s very interesting that rakhmatov in general a very cinematic author, many of his works have been adapted into wonderful films, but , probably, one of the best films was based on the story the first teacher, and the film is called the first teacher, and the director of this film was the wonderful soviet, russian film director andrei sergeevich.

in mikhalkov konchalovsky's film, duchene is shown as a fanatic, as a person who does not disdain any means in order to achieve his goals, he is cruel and not very pleasant. actually, it’s so different interpretation of this plot, it, of course , speaks in favor of chingiz aitmatov himself, but the most interesting thing is not even this, the most interesting thing is that when this film was made, then it... which did not have many chances to be released to a wide audience the viewer, because neither the kyrgyz authorities, nor the soviet authorities, in general, liked the picture either, none other than chingi zaitmatov himself saved it. having read the script, having seen the film, even if it greatly distorted his own ideas, chingist rikulovich highly appreciated the work of andrei sergeevich and stood up for her, and the author's voice.

the story had a lot of weight, especially since by that time chingiz aitmatov was no more or less than a lenin prize laureate; it was this prize that was awarded to him for his early literary work in 1963, when our hero turned 35 years old. this is not only dante’s age, it is the age of chingi zaetmatov’s father, who was shot at 30...5 years old, his son at the same age became a lenin prize laureate in that same country. and there is contact. results of the year with vladimir.

december 14 at 12:00 moscow time. we let's continue, this is a podcast life is wonderful. i’m alexey varlamov with you, and today we are talking about the wonderful writer and public figure chingiz aitmatov. it seemed that before aitmatov there really lay such a brilliant path as a recognized soviet writer, who embodied and absorbed all the best features of the soviet era, but if we read his prose, we will see that there is not much optimism in it, it is alarming. she is sad, she is gloomy. take his story: farewell to gyulsary. gyulsary is the name of a horse. and, the main character of this story, the peasant tanabai, buries his beloved horse, as one buries a friend, as one buries a brother. and he

remembers his life. it’s also a very hard, very difficult life. for atmatov, in general , there is this accent of heaviness and difficulty. justice of life, he is very important, gradually in his work he goes on increasing. the next work, a very famous work written by chingiz aitmatov, is probably well remembered by everyone, it is a philosophical story, a parable, the white steamer, the story of a family that lives in the distant cordon in the tianshan mountains, near lake issekul, and the main one. the hero of this story is a boy who is faced with the terrible injustice of the adult world, with the terrible injustice of the human world. then an excellent film was made based on this story , which was called white powder, a truly wonderful film, i have

a small personal memory about the main character of this film, more precisely about the actor who played the main role, it was such a truly wonderful and boy, he had then - dropped out in this film when he played this role, his baby teeth were falling out, this gap-toothed smile, it was forever remembered by millions of soviet viewers, and i met him, i saw him in the all-union pioneer camp artek in 197, where i was a pioneer and he was such a very small schoolboy, he was probably nine or 10 years old there, his molars had already grown in, his smile was no longer so gap-toothed, he was still such a cheerful, cheerful child, i don’t know what happened to him, because , apparently, he is not became a professional actor, perhaps this role became the only role in his life, but it was always remembered by millions of viewers, and of course, we should be grateful to him, the creators of this film, not

as sad as the story, but still uplifting, and for this was very important, raising very sharp points. modernity, here is, perhaps, the most important feature of chungiz tarikulovich, he was a truly fearless writer who very well saw all the problems, all the ulcers, all the complex , cramped, sharp places of the then soviet life, and although aitmatov was never anti-soviet, yes, he never sympathized with dissidence, in 1900... his stories, his novels

became more and more sad year after year, and of course, this sadness, it is especially, to me seems to have been acutely manifested in his first novel, which... it seems that this was some kind of peak under censorship of literature, because aitmatov, as if this proven soviet writer, laureate of not only lenin, but also state prizes, was allowed to to say more than others were allowed to say,

if another writer had brought this novel to the main board, to the censorship, most likely this novel would have been killed, but it was difficult to kill aitmatov, and the novel broke through. after solzhenitsyn , the theme, it sounded absolutely open there, yes, the arrest of one of the heroes, children separated from their father, at this little station where the action takes place, it is obvious that the image of the railway, let us remember how aitmatov last saw his father in kazan station, this railway, as a symbol of people's grief, people's tragedy, when exactly millions of soviet prisoners were taken to the gulag by rail in... here in this story it sounded so heartbreaking, so tragic, so scorching

that then it was the first thing i read by aitmatov, i incredibly believed this author, felt a huge trust , and then this is the movement of the plot in this novel, those who read it remember, of course , yes, the main character, a peasant of ideas, well , a peasant, a worker, in fact, even more likely, yes, because he works on this stop just like a railway one. a worker, so he goes to bury his older friend, his mentor, in an old cemetery, but when they approach this cemetery, it turns out that the cemetery is surrounded, that is , not the cemetery itself, but the territory around this cemetery, surrounded by barbed wire, a fence , there are sentries there who do not let this funeral procession pass, and this cemetery is generally waiting, apparently, it will be destroyed and... the author’s protest, the heroes’ protest against this course of history, yes,

when, due to the interests of technocrats, yes, due to the interests of people who represent scientific and technological progress, tradition is sacrificed, it is very interesting how aitmatov’s focus changes here, if young aitmatov speaks out rather against tradition and he welcomes, he longs for an offensive of this new world. then aitmatov, already wise by experience, looks at these things differently, it is tradition that turns out to be important for him, he is afraid of the advent of this new time, because he sees that this new time does not bring good to people, light, not peace, not love, but brings a threat to people, and otmatov here, by the way, becomes very typologically similar, very spiritually close to such a wonderful russian writer, his own...

in fact, for rasputin, this is where it all begins, and rasputin’s story ends up destroying village and also destroys the cemetery a few years earlier, and aitmatov seems to pick up this rasputin theme and the voice of such different, but somewhat similar russian writers, it was the voice of the then soviet literature, which seemed to be hitting alarm and called on people, called on society to come to their senses, to think about where we are moving, this is the theme of the movement not only of the soviet country, aitmatov has always been a writer, it’s very interesting, but on the one hand he is kyrgyz, he is a representative of this small people, but on the other hand on the other hand, he is a russian writer, he is a soviet writer, he is a world writer, and he always felt in himself this kind of connection with the small one. homeland with a big homeland, with the biggest homeland, which is our land, therefore, perhaps

it is no coincidence that roman aitmatova such a science-fiction theme intrudes, and the heroes of this story, where there is a past, present, future, where there are people, ordinary people, educated people, service people, soldiers, and animals, are present. also in this aitmatov’s world, in general for aitmatov this is the unity of man and nature, and such a very difficult relationship between man and nature is also a very important thing, but this is not enough in this story, in this novel, more precisely, and the day lasts longer than a century, as we we remember, and aliens appear, yes there such a powerful fantastic storyline appears, connected with the fact that two cosmonauts, a russian american, as if without... the sanction of their leadership, both soviet and american, come into contact with an unearthly civilization, make

such an excursion to the planet forest breast, on on this planet they see a completely different society, a completely different world order, and this society is fair, this society does not know wars, this society does not know evil, and uh , the idea that aitmatov has is that it is necessary not only... .build there socialism, destroying capitalism, these are all dead ends of human development, both of them must be completely changed, we must completely transform the earth, change nature according to...

a wonderful writer, public figure, chingiz aitmatov. of course, roman aitmatova, and the day lasts longer than a century, sounded unusually courageous, yes, unusually bold, i would even say provocative, in the good sense of the word, in that distant 1980, the year of the moscow olympics, the year when khrushchov promised that there would be communism was built instead this is the country. was actually already on the threshold of very big, very tragic changes, and then this novel by aitmatov came out, which became, of course, an event not only in literary, but in public life, and i remember how such a wonderful editor of the new world told me , natalya mikhailovna dolotova, that when the novel came out,

in the first days everyone just took water into their mouths, all the critics and reviewers. when exactly was soviet literature, the best representatives of soviet literature, in historical conditions, it was the year 1986, in essence, it was they who opened the era of glasnost and

perestroika, yes, from a political point of view , this was done by mikhail sergeevich gorbachev, but it was the soviet writers, victor... in the novel the chopping block, critics then called these three works three ps by the first letters, and the fire, sad the detective is on the chopping block, so it was chingiz aitmatov in this novel who again began to raise the most pressing social issues, issues of the terrible injustice of soviet life, issues of... unusually socially, these were those years when literature seemed to show readers, we remember the name of sergei govorukhin’s future film, that one cannot live like this, but it was russian soviet writers who began to do this, and chengi zaetmatov was one of them, in essence

, it was precisely this period, the period the seventies, eighties, as it seems to me, was the pinnacle of his creativity, to the collapse of the soviet union, to the events that followed in kyrgyzstan itself, and chingiz trikulovich had a complex attitude, time it was difficult, and his novel cassandra’s brand, published in 1993 in znamya magazine, and his social activities, he really did a lot to ensure that those ideas that were heard in his books, these ideas... and actually tried to change the world , he was the creator, the inspirer of such a forum, world intellectuals on lake issekul, his truly remarkable social activities, the activities of a diplomat, in the nineties aitmatov worked a lot in europe, in luxembourg, in belgium, and

anxiously followed what was happening in his homeland, gave a lot... so that humanity could truly live as a united family, be able to overcome its sores, its contradictions, this really still requires... comprehension, but it definitely deserves enormous gratitude. he died in 2008, just short of his

eightieth birthday, and of course, it was a huge loss for world literature, and for russian literature, of which he was a part, and for kyrgyz literature, which he greatly valued, with which he difficult connections... but still the closest relationship, and such a point, a certain point in his fate is that they buried him according to muslim custom, buried him in the cemetery, next to his father, and that’s how they united, two wonderful sons of the kyrgyz people, chingiz aitmatov and tarikul aitmatov, this there was a podcast life of the remarkable, we talked about the wonderful writer and public figure chingizia aitmatov. the host of the podcast,

writer alexey varlamov, was with you. hello dear viewers, this is a podcast. triggers and its next release, with you it presenter, psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist and psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, our guest today is elvira. hello, elvira, hello, please tell us what you came with, but i came, i ’m very nervous, but how can i love myself? excuse me, probably since childhood,

i don’t know what self-love is, i don’t feel protected, elvira, tell me your story, i was raised by two wonderful grandmothers, when i ... was 3 years old, my mother was sent to prison, she came out of prison when i was 6 years old, as a child i did not know that my mother is in prison, and this was carefully hidden, and i grew up thinking that my mother, she is a wonderful, kind person, and where is she, as they explained to you, we said that my mother was in the hospital, we actually came to the colony and there they dressed. chambers, that’s why it was all like this, such a theater, let’s say, she came out of prison when i was already 6 years old, and i was graduating from kindergarten,

she spent 2 years in freedom, during these 2 years she gave birth i have a wonderful sister, then from time to time i still fell into trouble, but when she came out. it seemed to me that she was mentally raping me, this is manipulation, this is a lie, at the same time i loved and love this person very much, probably because of this i don’t know how to love myself, because i lived with the idea of ​​​​saving her, she was dependent on drugs when she died 2 years ago. this idea has faded and i don’t know how to continue to live,

let’s say, where to move, who i am, what i am, what i love, how old are you now, 25 years old, do you communicate with your sister, yes, she is 16 years old, yes , we lived in different families, she lived with her stepfather and with his mother, i... i was raised first by my great-grandmother until i was 13, and then raised by my grandmother, then i left home, i was in a relationship, at what age did you leave home, at 16, and at that moment i went to college , but my mother was sent to prison, and i left college and went to work, because i had to go on a date and needed to help somehow. why was it necessary to help? i wanted to help, but that's a different conversation. why did you want to help? because this is my mother and i didn’t want her to suffer.

ok, how did you help? you drove her liver? yes, that is, it seemed to you that this was my manifestation of my love, what did you feel when you brought her another package, that at these moments she needed me, yeah, you knew your father, do you know him? no, no, i don’t have a father, i found out about my mozza when i was 16 years old, i know that he died when i was also about two or three. years, but i didn’t know him, uh-huh, because of this i don’t have a feeling of security, responsibility, goal-setting, i don’t feel my dad behind me, and some kind of male support that i should have had in childhood, her not it was, it was just the love of grandmothers, but can i bring you back a little, with what feeling did you leave your dates with your mother, well... it’s always

different, no, mostly, of course, probably with hope, with the hope that now everything will change, now she will stop, why did she have to stop in your mind, what did you hope for, what, i hoped that she would choose us, but she didn’t choose, no, when she came out in these intervals, when she was free, you say, she mentally violated you, like a lot i deceived, i deceived a lot , i manipulated, and this happened since childhood , so i’m already so old, i still continued to do it, that is, when you understand that you are being deceived, but you leave some amount of faith and help. but

then the realization comes that you were deceived again and again and again, you hoped to save her, but why did she die, liver fusion, and how old was mom when she died? 41 years old, a very young age, you said, you don’t know how to love yourself, right? well, then you know how not to love yourself? yes, tell me how you don’t love yourself? well, it ’s engaging in self-flagellation, being in the position of a victim, not being able to say no, that is, sometimes i can say some things, but then i really regret it, and then again, it’s like a funnel when you realize that you shouldn’t do this necessary, but you still say

yes to it, then you begin to scold yourself. and so time after time, you say, yes, when people ask you for something, yes, yes, but there was a period when i was also addicted, and also drugs, yes, well, not like my mother’s, yeah, these are, let’s say, modern, uh-huh, uh-huh, and i couldn’t say no, that is, i understood where this was all going, but next to me there were those people who suggested, i couldn’t say no, well, this is quite common kind of a situation, but now you are 25 years old, how do you live now, what does your life consist of today? now i live with my grandmother , we live together, i work, i’ve gotten back on my feet, i’m slowly moving forward, it’s very difficult, because, because i don’t feel support

from myself, probably in line, that is, i don’t i can support myself, i can’t , i don’t know, admire myself for doing something right, it always seems to me that i ’m doing it wrong, how many years do you think you have left to live, the first thing that came to mind , 100, that is, there are still 100 years left to live, yes, why is this the first thing, i want to live a long time, okay, okay, so you have 100 years left to live, now imagine that you are 120, yeah, you have 5 more years ahead, yeah, some, so you look at today from the position of yourself as a 120-year-old, where you are sitting in front of us in the studio, what do you think about this day, there are still 100 years ahead of you, i don’t know, well, how do you perceive the past 25 years, is it a lot or a little in comparison with well, it’s a little,

very little, of course. this is very little, how can you, that your whole life is ahead and that everything can be corrected, this is the most important thing, and now let’s see what to correct. we will, well, this is what you would like to accomplish in your life right tomorrow, well, i would like to stop constantly scolding myself and constantly prove to someone that i exist, as you do today, you scold yourself and prove it to others, well, i lie down and scold, and i say to myself that yes el, you are like this, you are so stupid, how are you? yes, stupid , irresponsible, but for many moments in my life i can’t forgive myself either, for example, i start to replay it all in myself, but i don’t really understand how i can’t forgive it, well, for example, ,

i used drugs, well, i did a lot of harm to my body, well, as if the key context here i couldn’t, but i really wanted to m... go to study, well, a moment of omission, i always have a moment of omission, where would you like to go to study? when i was a child, i really wanted to become a lawyer, what’s stopping you now? but i can’t combine this with work, i guess, well, wait, you can enroll in a correspondence course, conditionally study part-time, i can, but who do you work for, not secretly? this is a company, we organize events, i really like it, and i like giving people emotions, seeing emotions, yeah, from them, and if you became a lawyer, what kind of lawyer would you like to be, as a lawyer, yeah, i would like to help people

who are lost, to save them, well, yes, but as a lawyer he helps people who are lost, protects them, sometimes gives them a chance, this is obvious. that this is such a childish fantasy of yours, that a good lawyer would have allowed my mother not to go to jail, would have helped her not to go to jail, perhaps, well, the lawyer doesn’t really help, the lawyer finds gaps in the accusation, if there are any, then the lawyer accordingly, well, either drops the charge against the defendant, or commutes the punishment, as if in a romance somewhere in the head, yes we can to think that: a lawyer is a savior, but he doesn’t really save anyone, but the responsibility is still on the person, well, this is a good job and i always removed this responsibility from her, as if it were not her fault, of course, well, yes , you always tried to save her, now what you are talking about, i

couldn’t, i couldn’t save my mother. but in your opinion, could she have been saved? i don’t know what you could have done that you didn’t do? it was possible to believe when she really felt very bad, but i no longer believed, so that you would believe, so that has it changed? well, i think that i would have helped again and maybe everything would have worked out, but i just didn’t believe it, you are watching the triggers podcast, its host tatyana

krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan are with you, we are talking with elvira about how difficult it is to love yourself completely your story, elvira, what it was like to be you when you were little in kindergarten at school. well, i was a happy child as a child, i was surrounded by love, care, kindness, the same people who surrounded your mother with the same things, it turns out that so, then they obviously knew how to love, yes, but just look, she just used it differently, she made a different choice. i’m afraid that today you cannot forgive yourself, including those feelings and emotions that you experienced when she deceived you, betrayed you, chose not you, and there was a whole range of emotions, hatred, and anger, resentment, but after all, you had the right to these feelings,

i know that you had, now you have, and on the way here, i imagined this conversation several times. there was a thought in my head that well she’s a mother, well, you can’t talk bad about her, why? i don't know, here. a lot , she just did a lot of bad things , of course, i don’t want to say , it’s hard to explain, probably, well, look, she did a lot of bad things, that doesn’t make her bad, her actions are her actions, that’s her choice, her decisions, her responsibility, but this does not make her a bad person, well , she just lived such a life, she lived a very natural, logical, short life, you can talk badly about your mother, it is clear that usually so no... this, but if you don’t allow

yourself those feelings that you so, i don’t know , gracefully hide, then you, of course, will never be able to love yourself, because you can’t love yourself with these feelings, with these emotions, with these memories. how to accept yourself with these emotions? after all, you also have a choice, the same choice as mom, and you can stay in this and conditionally not accept. yourself with this and continue to live such a life, but it is destructive, it destroys you inside, and this will also hardly be very happy, very long life. what would your behavior, your life, look like if you accepted yourself? it would be easier for me to live, i can’t even imagine, honestly, but what would you allow yourself if it could be easier for you to live, just imagine. what are you not allowing yourself to do now? i seem

to allow everything, well, i don’t have any restrictions, well, imagine, you are free from this story, it doesn’t exist at all, everything is the same, only there is no story, and you can choose, as if any, then what what would yours be like? personal life? and i don’t know if it would have been me or not if i had chosen. a different story, perhaps it would be some other elvira, but what makes you you? you said, if i were different, what would you have left then? i would leave everything, all my experience, all my memories, but for some reason it’s hard for me to live with this, i don’t know, because you burden these memories, because you wrap them in emotional interpretations. and you suffer not from the fact that your mother was in prison or used drugs, but

because it seems to you that the fact that she did this speaks about you, that you are somehow bad, well, yes, that there are good children, good mothers, maybe you also live in this, this gives you the right to do nothing for yourself today, uh-huh, and it’s like you ’re chewing this cud all the time. all that well, when you ask how to accept yourself is to stop doing what you are doing today, because everything you are doing today is clearly not self-acceptance and love for yourself, right? do you somehow take care of your body, for example, apply cream, go for a manicure, is this part of the manifestation of self-love, or do you do this to please others? no, i do it to please myself, yeah. there are times when you also want to be liked by others

, this, this is normal, i’m definitely normal, i can definitely say that if you like yourself, others will definitely like you, as if allowing yourself to love yourself is the same as betraying that whole story, like as if allowing yourself to be happy is betraying the history of your family, see how you are were born. light and your parents and mom and dad basically cut off all channels of energy from you in the form of love, care, protection and so on, it’s true, in theory you should have died, well, because if it weren’t for your grandmother and great-grandmother, then accordingly you weren’t you couldn’t survive, well, if you weren’t fed there and so on, yeah, yeah, at that time you were lucky, because many are dying, you were raised by good... people, but now you’re 25 , you can live without these

channels, you yourself are already a person who can become a source of love by towards the children you will give birth to, god forbid, the man with whom you will be, and you are still sitting there in your children’s room and thinking about, well, yes, why is mom not there, and you can’t get out of there, no, what would you say to this girl if you were now in this room where this little elvira is sitting. and is afraid to go out, i would say that i love her, and that there is no need to be afraid, although you... you tell yourself this once a day, no, i don’t tell myself this at all, i can’t even take compliments, but then very difficult, you you run in circles and ask how to love yourself, this is an obvious tool, it’s just obvious, when you wake up, and the first

thing you do, you tell this little one to yourself, these are exactly the words that you say, you would tell her that you believe that... she will succeed, of course, of course , i believe, you would tell her that you give her the right to live, to be happy, yes, and that i will always protect her, so who should i protect her from, no one attacks, well, no one attacks, apparently they attack me, that’s the point, are you trying to convince her of this, that someone will definitely attack now? maybe it’s just like that, well, that’s how the head works, maybe, yes, of course, that’s why i’m telling you, turn off this program, now it just has you, and you can take it by the hand and lead it out of this room, protecting , protecting, supporting, yes, i don’t know there, instructing somewhere, yes, but

i won’t even talk about the word help, because well, i’m not disabled, why should we help, support, but love? so now we need to stop thinking like that, world - it’s just the world, and you know, how in the myriad options of the multiverse, there is a universe in which you are absolutely happy, beautiful, wonderful, but there are options where you die from a drug overdose in a ditch, there are those too, this means that

every second you have a huge amount of choice, but the action of choosing will always be one, you will always have to choose one thing, and you can... how cool, what is the difficulty in accepting this compliment? i don’t know, i think it’s flattery, but why should i take revenge on you? i don't know, well i do i perceive this, yes, well, let’s do it right here, now, why should i take revenge on you, so what? calm me down, maybe, yeah, no, i

can upset you very much now, so - here are your hands, specifically your hands, here are your hands, i look at them and say: you have beautiful hands, thank you, but you’re welcome. and what feelings does this evoke? well - i don’t think so, this is how i’m doing well, but what do you think? ordinary hands, but if i tell you, you are very charming, you laugh so much, you smile so much, you just attract attention, how do you like it? nice, that is, i don’t flatter, i know that i’m charming. and what about your personal life, elver, yeah, but it’s there, i’m alone, well, yes, i’m alone, well, yes, i work, yeah, and the young people, where are they all working, we’re happy.