fireworks, and in the morning pasha walks with the children through the forest to look for gifts from santa claus, they have such a fetish, the children, since they don’t drink, you know, they can get up in the morning, but pasha hasn’t gone to bed yet, so the gifts will come later, which means some year, we arrived, that means we arrived late, masha is still very little, that means i have a wife, that means, he says, we need to give pasha gifts for tomorrow on january 1 at 10 am, we went to bed at 6, you understand, we went to bed at 6, at 8 in the morning the door opened, which means a stale face, a stale face of pasha, who says, give me gifts, he whines, hides them, you know, the children, the children then look for them, my wife, sleepily, opened the bag and gave a gift to mila and sonya. he gave, left

, went to duck, then they come , which means they tell a story, which means that every child finds and it says to yegor from santa claus, a mile from santa claus, but they can’t find sonya’s gift, they can’t find, they can’t find, he searches and searches, and pasha knows that this gift is here, what my wife gave him, he says, well, probably, sonechka, this is your gift, he opens it, and it says loved ones grandmothers. as he says: well, probably santa claus got it mixed up, maybe he wanted you to give this gift to your beloved grandmother, and there really is some kind of cosmetics for grandmother, who doesn’t have any of this, well, it’s still cute, and we tried to tell sonya this story. she was about 10 years

old, that santa claus specially gave you a gift for your grandmother, so that you would give your grandmother a gift, and santa claus would give a gift to your grandmother for you, that is , it was such a complex concept, yes, but of course, when you know, these are teenagers, my love, i’m like a grandmother, i’m like a grandmother, this is for you, this is for you for later, keep this for you for later, put it in a cell and wait. we continue, this is a podcast of jokes, my guest is mikhail polizeimaka. honestly, he is humorous; when a person jokes to himself, he immediately arouses great respect in me personally. well, because without it you can go crazy. of course, when you, when you not only, not even what he jokes to himself, but firstly, well, to me there are people who, well, can’t . how to digest your address into

some jokes and gags, start right away, what? well, at least for me they are socially dangerous, because this person can sometimes grab something that is lying nearby, i don’t know, a screwdriver, a rake or something else, yes, that is, and when you still know how joke to myself there directly, yes, i’m creepy, for example , when filming is going on, i say some kind of text, for example, yes, some kind of eyeliner, i’m babbling, i’ve been oppressing myself for half an hour, i’m a clumsy freak, you can’t pronounce it all. he’s waiting, he’s waiting, it’s a spectator, and here i ’m spending so much time on something that didn’t work out for me, ugh, like this, i collect these stories, when some incidents happen to me, i collect them, i get such pleasure from them, i never, you know, i also flew from bratsko to yekaterinburg, and you also understand, it was recently , no, it’s been a long time, well, about 5 years ago

, and i was flying tired from one enterprise to another enterprise, a good plane, it kept flying, which means a guy sat down and was sitting next to him, even you, no, looked at me, what am i, i’m starting spin, yes, he probably saw me somewhere, doesn’t remember where, what, how, now he’ll ask, i’ll tell him that i’m an artist and he ’ll leave me alone, it’s a 3-hour flight, and then a dialogue starts where you don’t say hello, right? all at once, vasya, kolya, school year , he says, what, are you, arrogant, i say, forgive me, he says, i’m vitka kolisov, what, have you forgotten, lenin street, building 52, i say , what are you saying, you and i grew up on the same street, what am i saying, right? yes, but did you

remember the whole street? and he is from yekaterinburg, he associated me with a man from yekaterinburg and talks to me as if he were a 's'. i say: yes, he says: you know that marya petrovna? am i saying i'm dead? i say, okay, what are you doing, when? we're starting to have real drama, at some point i understand that now is already the point of no return, everything has been passed, yes, now, now everything has to somehow, because at first he thought that i was really blindsided, that i uh , this vitka kolesov is from yekaterinburg, then he will understand that i ’m making fun of him, that...

he ruined all the slippers in the apartment for a guy like this, in short, the cat, well, i don’t know, got dirty in it , i say i’m tired of everything, he took him by the shkkerki in the car drove 10 km away from the city, well, everything was driving home while in traffic jams he comes to eat sour cream, he says, how is it in general, damn, well, traffic jams, yeah, that means he managed to do this, okay, in the car for 40 i drove kilometers in the other direction, the forests are kind of deaf in general, since he comes home, the cat

is at home, sitting, eating sour cream, yes, what the hell is it , i took it, i think i’ll take it north, since i went somewhere 100 kilometers away , generally unknown, in villages, in some forests. through the fields there once and he returns home and understands, that he took the wrong road, then since the phone is already dead, damn, he doesn’t understand, the navigation doesn’t work, nothing, he didn’t take the map, he calls his wife, vaska is at home, bye, he says, i’ll look now, yes, at home, let me -pick him up, i’m lost, it’s like the magical power of all fairy tales, including jokes, when everyone is talking, anyone can ask anyone anything, but no one... now i understand, a man comes to the doctor and says: doctor , my wife is deaf, prescribe some pills, he says: well, hello, why isn’t she did you come? he says: she’s always very busy at home with housework in general, that is, she can’t just take some pills for deafness? he says: how can i

even determine what pills are needed without seeing your wife? he says: well, what is it possible? he says, let’s do this, she can’t hear from what distance, he says, what do i know, he says, let’s do this, here you go home... they can’t hear from eight steps, once from six , from five, from four and comes up there’s a chair next to her, she ’s sitting watching tv, she says: wife, what are we having for dinner? she says: moron, why are you yelling, i i told you 10 times, cutlets, cutlets, let

’s sum it up, firstly, don’t be lazy, dear friends, don’t be lazy to make a holiday for yourself, because of course.

to sort through the chests of our problems to look for the most correct keys, even in an extremely difficult life situation. today in the studio with me is logotherapist and... social psychologist svetlana shtokareva, head of the higher school of logotherapy at the moscow institute of psychoanalysis. hello svetlana. hello, natalia. and our guest oksana. oksana’s request is very clear. oksana, tell me yourself. yes, i’m 38 years old, i ’m married, i have two children, and my big problem is that i still can’t move out from my parents. yes. we still live together, that is, how i was born in this house, how... i got married and built my career and gave birth to two children, and to this day we

continue to live with my parents, and not only, but also with my grandmother, who will soon be 84 years old, that is, our situation is such that it is a three-room apartment, in which there are four generations, three housewives in the kitchen, and we we live in one room, that is, i am a husband, we have two children, we just recently got a kitten, and well, there is this... how many of you in total live in a three-room apartment now? seven people, seven people and animals, yes, but have you already tried to leave somehow? no, have you been thinking about this for a long time, that you need to leave? yes, well, yes, we wanted to, we want to, but when we start talking about it with my husband, somehow it always turns out that it’s like there’s no finances, it’s like we don’t have enough anyway. uh, well, it’s still there now, if even to take out some kind of mortgage or rent, well

, for rent, then we will have practically nothing left for housing, that is, as if we always agree that there seems to be no finances, but on the other hand, when we i needed a car, we went and bought it, we found the finances for it, and this is more your initiative now, or let’s say, it’s your active thought that it’s time to leave, or your husband is also thinking about it, well, i’d probably talk about it conversation, since i am more active , i voice it more often, i start talking about this more often at home, i am more in touch with everyone , so basically he goes to work, returns in the evening, when everyone has already gone to their rooms, and seems to be happy with everything, there are weekends, parents sometimes go to the dacha, when of course everyone stays at home, here we are beginning to think more and more often that it would be good to separate, well, it would be good for our family in any case. have your own corner, you rather, as i heard, if i heard correctly , want to leave your parents in order

to separate, yes, just to separate, and you formulated for yourself, maybe in a conversation with your husband or with your children, or for yourself, but what will this give you, what will you get, what are the pros and cons? well, i asked myself this question, periodically i return to it, and i honestly cannot yet fully answer the question, did it happen? separation , that is, am i really, well, how exactly inside and have i already decided for myself how i separated from my parents, or somewhere else am i resorting to them, that is, i also have the same question here, not yet fully resolved inside me, uh, what what advantages will i get, well, my great desire is to be a mistress in my own kitchen, to raise my own children, and just to lead even just my own. life the way i want it is good, but what are the disadvantages? so you left, but what are the downsides? what if i

need to go somewhere, work, some events, then this is already agreed upon, this is already calculated the time to take the children, that is, it’s like the children are here in their nest everything was fine, everything was already familiar, i just got up and went about my business, and if we we live separately, then it’s like moving, it’s time, that is, it’s already... separately - planning the time, when to come, when to visit, how to help, that is , it’s like, well, help is not constant, that is, it well, it won’t be as available every day as always, again, my grandmother is a lively person, she’s a beauty to me, she absolutely loves to cook, that is, i know that it will always be delicious, it will always be delicious, soup with pancakes for sure. svetlana, before you enter into dialogue with our guest, i want to ask you,

what is the role of a psychologist in such a situation? well, it’s hard to say with such an unambiguous answer what will happen in dialogue with the client, it’s always art and improvisation, but there is the purpose of this communication, so that the person, well, at least in the logotherapeutic approach, has not just some kind of solution , how to act, but also so that there is...

also a certain desire for all participants in this situation to receive something so good, something, something suitable for everyone. i am deeply convinced that with some such in the matter of decision or choice that a person faces, it is not enough for him to make a decision only for himself. it is important to him, it is important to him that all participants in this process also receive something. but at the same time, look, she immediately draws our attention to the issue of separation, which means she is thinking about it, yes, she is thinking about creating her own nest, she is thinking about flying out of the nest in which she stayed in a comfortable place, but at the same time, to look for little devils for myself, to

spread my wings myself, this is important, but at the same time, at the same time, it is also important to show... to those whom she leaves if this decision is made, that everything worked out for them, including that the best parenting is the best parenting when you know that your children can spread their wings and fly on your own , when you watch with delight how they flog in the sky , this is the best, best gift for parents, if the chick wants this, well, let's help, let's, yeah, oksana, but at first you said: there are seven of you, and i counted six , and i, my husband, two children, already four, mom, dad and grandmother, also dad, yes, we know almost nothing about dad, yes, and this is important, i think, yes, of course, what kind of relationship do you have with dad, good, good, and with mom too, yes, you said, yes, but how does dad feel, or

how do you think, how would he feel if you created your own nest? started to live separately with their family, well, it seems to me that there was a little jealousy, in general, when i got married, it was a little hard for him to accept my husband, especially since the husband came to our territory, so dad, probably more i wanted it to be a different relationship, so that initially everything would turn out a little differently, but i had to come to terms with how it turned out now... dad, well , at least he says he’s broadcasting what he feels is very cool with his grandchildren, that how great it is that they are here every day, that he comes home from work, he can take them for a walk, that is, like a grandfather, he is now being realized right here in all his glory, and well , he always actually told me that for i don’t feel sorry for you and mom, i live only for you, now i have

he had grandchildren, grandchildren , well, this is all for them, that’s where they are, i’ll say so, they don’t grab, my parents there are some stars from the sky, a simple soviet family, and well, we’re used to that, that if this is a family, then we must work together, we must all work together, together is great, together is cool, that is, if something happens, then we better get through it together, that is , well, in our country it is the value of family that is brought up

from the very beginning , yeah, do you think it’s important to pass on this value to your children, your grandchildren there? then the value of family , yes, traditions, yes, but still i adhere to the fact that i try to raise boys in such a way that 18, you are independent and the time will come when you fly away, each to your own nest, and whatever message you give them in order for them to succeed? you will succeed, i believe in you, try to do everything in such a way as to live separately, well, i will help you in every possible way. as far as i have the opportunity to do this, but i really want each of you to build your personal life yourself, why is this important to you, probably because i i didn’t receive this, why else is this important to you? i want this myself, why is it important for you that your children build their own lives, so that they cope with it there, why is this important to you?

i guess i now want to return to your words at the beginning, when you said that this was such great praise and understanding from parents, what happened, this parenting happened, yeah, we’ll definitely come back to this, it’s great that you caught it, but still , it seems to me that natalya, it seems to me , is guessing...

this life can pass, you can stand somewhere in training to watch how they walk, but at the same time they must move their own legs, and here you can’t replace them with anyone, and

you can’t substitute anyone here, it’s everyone who has to go through their own life, and you said that you you want, because you love them, that it is out of love that you proceed when you see them moving through life on their own. but at the same time you said that your parents also love you very much, yes, would they like to see you walk through this life on your own, i think yes, but how can this to be expressed, this is how their love for you can be expressed in terms of allowing your life to develop independently, this is the message, what could they address to you, what perhaps do you hear from them in this regard? i probably hear it, but maybe i don’t perceive it, or maybe my message is not that, but what do you hear?

mom even recently said such a phrase that i’m even ready to sell the dacha in order to invest in an apartment, that is, mom is ready to let you go, that’s right, but then i objected , what am i saying, what are you saying, dacha, i’m saying, it's family a nest like this, it’s impossible, well, i say, we’ll find some other way. and mom is also talking about how , well, now we’ll install a gas supply there, we’ll be able to leave there, she said to me, oksan, well, we don’t want to leave this apartment completely, i say, mom, no one is kicking you out, well what am i saying, well, this is your apartment , as if i were saying, we need to move out, not you, we, well, we need to look for some ways, we need to look for some, well, roads to separate, that is mom said that we're even ready to sell. dacha to invest in a new house for you, but then how can you observe family traditions, if you suddenly live separately with your family, you

will have your own apartment, your own kitchen, each child has a room, you and your husband will sit in the living room, then you go into the bedroom, you have a beautiful view from the window, and you cook, order food yourself, but then how will there be family traditions, which... will still be from your parents, how then to deal with this, holidays, meetings, joint trips to theater like us we love to do this, and after school the children can come to grandma’s house to eat her delicious pies, pancakes with yes, yes, of course, how old are your children, and 6 years old, five, they are still small, yes, small, this is a psyche podcast, all the other podcasts look on site 1. svetlana, can i ask you, look, you somehow immediately very quickly brought oksana to her father’s line, and it seemed to me that this was very good, you hit the nail on the head,

yeah, and i watched. behind oksana, when you talked about this, and as i read her emotions, it seemed to me that perhaps you would tell oksana, is it true or not that you are probably even scared that you might upset your father, yes, there is such a thing, yes, that this will be a blow for dad, maybe this is the hook that holds the whole situation, yeah, what do you think , there is something in this, because i have a feeling that if we are gone, he will become completely bored with life. because every time he comes home from work, it’s there, well, once he can even pick up the children from kindergarten, that is, he understands that he’s flying home from work, he now has responsibilities there, that here he is now he’ll come over there for a walk with them, play with them there or watch something , that is, well, somehow he’s already busy in the evening, and if they’re not there, i think he ’ll get bored, maybe oksana is laying with her here such a daughter's still very childish love for dad, maybe here we have

just... relationships with your parents, you definitely have something to pass on to your children by inheritance, they can see how great it is when between older family members and the younger ones are restored to such beautiful warm relationships, but it is no less important for children to see that...

columns that hold one particular load, this is family life, and they should not stand very close, because the load will fall , and far away, because the load will fail, but they should stand at a distance, so that the wind can blow between them, so that there is still some kind of independence in this column, then this is a good family for marital relationships and for relationships with different generations, so that the wind can blow, so that there really is... an opportunity to be together apart to know that i can be alone, that i have something to rely on in myself, but i have excellent rears, i have something to lean my shoulder blades on, this is a wonderful story, i have something to share further, to convey this kind of family strategy that we always we know where we will gather, we can go to the theater, and even i would go further, your dad, who now only comes home, knows that his

children are waiting for him there. if you suddenly lived separately, he would have more responsibilities, more tasks. well, you need to come and visit, the whole story, they came empty -handed, to meet the children, see them off, ensure their safety, spend time while you may be at work, but for him , on the contrary, new opportunities open up in this regard, i also saw, counted, when you speak, oksana said , talked about their life together. her kind of deepest tenderness towards her grandmother, and maybe there are some thoughts here too, when you think that you feel sorry for yourself, if you are now in those precious years while your grandmother is still alive, you will no longer spend 100%, here my awareness is even more involved, because i understand that, firstly, this is the person who raised me from the very cradle, my parents also did not show me how to fly out of the parental nest, they

stayed with her. and my grandmother is the person who took me to kindergarten every day, back, and carried me in her arms, that is, she is the person who very wisely supported me during my puberty, yes, when it was difficult for me to make any decisions , grandma was always there, and she always so deftly sat me down at the table with tea, these heart-to-heart conversations, that is, she talked about her childhood, the years after the war, how... they had a famine there and so on, and for her family , as it were, well, in principle, she conveyed this to me, how valuable this family is, that even now she very often says, how great it is that we are all together, and how cool it is that we can all be here together, even if it’s on a small scale kitchen, but amicably, so she keeps this fire in the house, that is , it turns out, svetlana, look what for oksana to leave home to separate now, this

is even in... there grandmother , at the age of eighty-four, has such experience, this is how she is, the main, main character of this family, she is the head of this family, she looks like what is happening and how it is revealed such a picture is in front of her, but at the same time, it would probably be important for her grandmother to understand that when she leaves, she will definitely leave someday. so that those who remain have the opportunity, and also cope without it, maybe, maybe, uh, but, probably, now is the period when for her

it’s very important to be needed, yes, it’s important to be heard, yeah, and you know, as i understand this, i try to... support her in this, that is , and my husband too, but how, for example, do you do this, well, husband, for example, there, oh, ba, there , tomorrow is the weekend, grab your pasties or pies there, that is, the children there, for example, order soup for her, for her it ’s so important, for her it’s so supportive, yes, that is, she there, even when the children come home, she is there, oh, let me help you take off your shoes, i understand, but you don’t need to take off these shoes, they should do it themselves, you you know, at the age of 5 they can take off their shoes themselves, but... she doesn’t, so i want to serve you, let me help you, and that is, she has this feeling when she has always helped someone in life, she , well, it really has always been like that in our house, that no matter who comes, she will help everyone, she will always give more bags with something, they will definitely

send it there, put at least bread, a piece of butter, but she will definitely give something, that is, she is such a person, she gives, she always gives, now, that is, well , it’s impossible for her, but how can she change her life like that? they are yes, but how... i will give, what the answer would be, to whom she can give, and what she can give, and how she can give, i don’t know, i have a dead end here, i personally have a dead end here, because that i see how in life , for example, she gives it to her son-in-law, that is, my dad, she takes care of him all her life, that is, like her own son, looks after him, looks at him, strokes him, cooks, until a certain age, she is always in i cleaned the apartment and so on, that is, when i had already grown up and... said that this was my boundary, for my room, please, don’t come in, i’ll clean up myself, i beg you, that is, we also had some kind of grinding in there, then i finally won it back, she stopped cleaning there, but how did you do it? well, honestly

, at some time it was through swearing, that is, i just fought back with a scream and said: don’t, please, i beg you, please don’t come here, because i ’m used to having this cutter standing with me i don’t want it to stand any other way, i ’ll wipe off this dust myself, just...

it’s so perfect, it’s so cool, so cool, yeah, but still there is love, which manifests itself precisely in giving space to another person, yes, so that everything works out for the other, when i leave, grandma leaves, she must be calm, this is very important, to be calm, that those who stay, everything will be fine, that they know how to fry chicken, that they can cook. on your own, remembering your grandmother, how she taught you to do it, every time you eat chebureks, after a certain number of years you will remember your grandmother, that these turn out to be chebureks, which are named after your grandmother, and this is such a wonderful story, in this sense

, really older relatives, yes, they do all this for one single purpose, well, at least they should do it not in order to feel good, so that next to them... .to feel everyone like this, everything here is like a chicken under my wings, under supervision, but so that when there is no supervision, and such supervision is necessary, that everything is in order, this is the most important thing. knew where we would gather and somehow

contribute to this holiday, but this it’s very worrying if i don’t know how it’s going without me, yeah, and this is where you can help, help so that your older relatives stop worrying, or so that they, well, can really be calm that everything is fine with you, and if suddenly something happens, you know where to find us, but the most important thing is that your children... how else can you learn independence, only as if in an image likeness, if those who are significant to them, parents, first of all, can do something on their own, where they show how it is in words, there you yourself must lace up my shoes, but of course i will hear, but if i see that my mother is lacing there herself, then i want to do it myself, if i see that my mother can go somewhere herself, saying that she has things to do, that this is an important job means for me. there may also be some important things to do, some important

work, how else will i learn that i can have something independent? this is a psyche podcast, where i, journalist natalya losyeva, my today’s expert psychologist svetlana shtukareva, our heroine oksana , figure out how to separate as an adult age. you said that you didn’t have a very good experience in this sense, because your parents, well, your mother, were not able to separate. you can become an example for your mother too. and it’s not too late, no, it’s never too late, but then the mother will have a different separation, an adult, mature separation, a separation, and a woman who may also have her own personal life, a personal life, but they are probably with they didn’t learn this from dad oksana at all, in general, it’s not too late to start, this is such a wonderful, mature married couple, where dad is so loving, such awe.

and what do your parents have, oksan, that could replace those weekdays when you are not there, well, dad’s work, my mom is generally great in this regard, she’s a needlewoman, she’s a traveler, they have excursions on excursions, theaters, she and her dad travel together, extremely rarely, because mostly now mom is already retired and she has a sister who is also retired, so they go on excursions together, that is, they are like each other’s best friends and they are still here together. this is also very rare and it’s great when sisters support

such a relationship, but at the same time, mom also has such a vector of development in the good sense of the word, when their relationship with dad can also be something else, when dad is also involved in some kind of travel, excursions, she tries, she tries there, and dad, dad sometimes gives in, well, dad probably has more important things to do for now, he’s a working person, so what? dad loves to just, for example, come to the dacha and relax, and i also saw this thread, you said that your mother spends a lot of time with her sister, yeah, as i understand it, they have a close relationship , very much so, but at the same time they don’t have a need to live together, maybe it’s also an example for everyone, yes, yes, yes, you know, how it happened in life is also really interesting, they are twins, their births differ.

now, of course, it’s a bit crowded, it’s a bit crowded, well, oksan, have you got any ideas or feelings that will help you with this situation? without a solution that is obvious to you yet or some kind of solution strategy, should you still start to resolve it? i got there is lightness inside, and lightness is the understanding that when i leave, my parents and my grandmother will be able to be happy and happy that i

am building my personal life, absolutely, and what i liked when oksana said, not if i leave, when i will i leave? the problem and the moment have been in me for a long time , so this is how the ball sits, now i understand that this ball, it’s like it’s unwinding, and it just becomes easy for me, easy because of that, really, you know, how i have this realization that i you can, you know, this is actually a very important thing, that you are say, because it’s so warm, just warm, conscious, i wouldn’t even say so.

children will have the experience of living independently, understanding how they can move on and build their own lives on their own, you can become the founder, it is you, of a completely new chain, a chain of how to treat a good family, without the traumatic experience of this ruined nest, with such a good parting, when you really are delighted with...

as if ripe to open up, and it seemed to me that it was important to look at that meaningful, absolutely accurate, potential that can and should be used, instead of sorting out traumatic experiences, destructive relationships, where, as more important, more correct, it seems to me, it is very useful to look at what should emerge

from what it needs to appear, instead of sawing sawdust there about how terrible it is in general. the story, my god, four generations are milling about in one kitchen, it’s not interesting. i like the positive approach of logotherapist, existential psychologist svetlana shtokareva, who helped our heroine oksana, as i see it and it seems to me, solve her not very simple and easy situation. it was a psychic podcast. hello, dear friends, this is the podcast life of the remarkable, i am with you, its host, writer alexey varlamov, my guest is a wonderful film director, screenwriter,