hepatosis disease, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease and there is this very high uric acid, followed by arthritis, arthrosis, urolithiasis, this radiance, it will only increase every year, unfortunately it does not illuminate a person’s life with health, on the contrary , so when we start like this, literally, as you know, in a rusty pipe, from which there is a leak on all sides, to close individual holes, this is... a necessary measure, but initially we need to fight obesity, let’s remove this solar disk, everything else will fall apart like house of cards. well, zukhra, it was very interesting, thank you very much, you had a podcast about deception of substances, my name is olesya nosova, i am the editor-in-chief of komsomolskaya pravda, a famous endocrinologist was with me, zukhra pavlova.

hello, dear viewers, as always, you are watching the triggers podcast, with you is its leading psychologist, tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist and psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, our guest nicole, hello, good evening, please tell us what you came to us with, you know, i have such a problem i’ve probably had it since... adolescence, from the age of 12 in adolescence , i developed a disease called anorexia, later doctors diagnosed me with this, anorexia nervosa, and the disease either manifests itself or disappears, that is, it does not depends on any events taking place in my life, that is, suddenly it is not there, suddenly it resumes again, it does not have any periodicity so that it can be tracked. and i

learned to cope with it as best i could, learned to live, but my question is, why did i form such an image in my head, which i try to approach all the time, that is , it is a certain weight, a certain look, in a different way, when i gain weight, or when i try, yes, if you can call it that, to live like ordinary people, with more or less acceptable nutrition, why do i don’t like this image... uh, why, because i look so, well, it’s important that it affects my whole life, that is, and at normal weight, i don’t want to be a normal person, to exist, to act, to achieve something, only being in such a small, uh, person, before which i strive for, i do something, well, i have more strength, more energy, more aspirations, desires. yeah, in general, help me

if you can, but how do you achieve such a small weight? this is physical exercise, and this dietary restriction is quite strict, have you always played sports? sports, yes, but to what extent are there dietary restrictions, depending on what stage you are in, if you eat normally, well, to what extent? i understand this, yes it’s normal, but i eat once or twice a day, well, usually it’s some kind of salads, some kind, i don’t know, there’s meat, vegetables, everything’s there at the right time, of course, nothing harmful, nothing fatty, but when this next peak happens, and i leave, and once every 3 days, once every 5 days, it happens that once every 10 days, you don’t want to eat or you just don’t eat, i

don’t eat on purpose, that is, you feel hungry, but try not to eat, yeah, yeah, these days how do you feel , you know, after about three, well, after the third day i no longer feel hungry and i just don’t even think about whether there was food today or not, i can drink coffee, preferably with some kind of plant-based milk, maybe one energy drink a day, and then with ice, something like that, that’s all my food is for... and i’ve been in relationships many times , at the moment i have a very good friend who supports me, well, friend, friend, yeah, who generally surrounds you, my mother, but we live separately, here is my friend and comrade, okay, eh... let's do this, the last time

i had, well, if you call it an attack of anorexia, now it’s going on, it’s going on now, how long ago, since july of this year. that is, since july this year you are in an anorexic crisis, so yeah, now you are 37, how much do you weigh now, what is your height, how to understand, my height is meter 75, at the moment i keep my weight 50 kg 50, you had weight fluctuations, how significant, when it started, in july in july the weight was about seventy, yeah, seventy. yes, i have a lot of muscle mass, due to this it’s even difficult to say that i weigh 70, but at the same time, well, that is, i look 60, due to the muscles i weigh more, yeah, now i try to maintain 50, there are deviations, yeah, but i i’m trying to negotiate, what was the lowest

weight you had, the lowest weight for all periods was 43 kg, yeah, and if you’re in... such good shape, in general you feel pretty good at seventy, right? well, at seventy , i really don’t like myself, well, okay, what’s the weight when you’re happy with yourself, that seems to me, right now, so what about you, i like you too, but where’s the problem? but the problem is that people close to me are very worried about me, they are afraid that i might move on, although i know how... but well a border that cannot be crossed, if you imagine that they are sitting there now in the back, like in such programs with the audience, who is sitting there and worrying about you, my mother and well , the closest relatives, perhaps this is who the aunt, uncle, who is the aunt , uncle, my

nephews, yeah, they all gathered there behind and are worried about you, yeah, yeah, okay, pat them, let them worry, is your friend worried about you? well, he worries in his own way, of course, but he worries even more that my mother puts a lot of pressure on me, and here we are just approaching the causes of anorexia, ok, let's leave this situation a little then, in july you weighed 70, it turns out that in these six, how many july, august, september, october, november are there, yes, in 5 months you lost 20 kg, lost 20 kg and.. .. and you, well, you’ve already weighed 50 for some time, how long did it take you to lose 20 kg? i think it was three months, three months, how did you feel during these three months, losing weight so quickly, well, not to say that i felt somehow

uneasy, but i don’t see any problems for you yet, and it turns out that you are losing weight, lost weight, lost weight, you lost weight through sports and nutrition, yes, yeah, good, huh? there are some health problems, that’s why we are now, i just want to start worrying about you, i haven’t been able to yet, no, at the moment there are no health problems, well, the only thing is that i feel very cold, there in the pool it takes me a long time to get used to the water, but it’s not such a problem, that is, if it weren’t for the anxiety of that audience that seems to be behind you, then in general everything is fine, everything is fine, you have enough strength, you’re doing well feel you don't have health problems, great... yes, self-esteem has become higher, so great, good, but could you tell us about the history of how it was formed, and anorexia? i can’t complain directly about my childhood and i don’t want to, but my childhood was not easy, yeah,

when i was 5-6 years old, my father died very suddenly, he died from... leukemia, yeah, and my mother found herself in a difficult situation at that time, and decided that she needed to get additional education, improve her qualifications, and that with me and her, probably in this mode it will be quite difficult, she gave me to her mother, that is, to my grandparents, and somewhere before the first year of university, i lived with them completely, my mother...

with my friends, that is, i felt that i was missing her, at school i didn’t have such a large number of friends, it’s not that i kind of suffered from it, i just lived, and well, i’m not a particularly talkative person, that is, i was comfortable with it, but i understood that i somewhere inside it’s somehow very, very hard, i started smoking early, and you know, when i smoked i... yes, well, that is i didn’t smoke because it was fashionable then or anything else, i liked that i inhaled,

it seemed like such a bitter smoke, yes, but when i exhaled, it became more relaxing, that is, i often stood on the balcony and i was exhaling, and it seemed to me that i was exhaling everything that was holding me inside, yeah, although i really wanted to live with my mother, but every time she told me that this was impossible yet, i just asked the question, did you want to live with mom or didn’t want to live with grandma? i wanted to live with my mother, yeah, go on, i loved my grandmother madly, and i probably still love her, although she is no longer with us, my relationship with my grandmother became more complicated over time, because the difference in age, when i already started my first year, i myself decided that i needed to return to my mother, i don’t know how it will be, i understood that it would be difficult, and i returned. we spent a long time building a difficult, very difficult relationship with her, because we didn’t know

at all who we were as friends, well, in general, how to communicate, but when you returned to her, you just rang the doorbell, and i lived in another city, suburbs, i came, yes, i said that now we will live together with you, yeah, this is my decision, now we will live with you, yes, yeah, but after some time, anyway, our relationship became better, she too i tried really hard. now i think that we are great, well done, there were several hospitalizations during this time, who were you hospitalized for, me for what reason, yes because of anarexia, yeah, but the clinic, let’s just say, they were not specialized at all, it’s better not to go there to get there, and the other two clinics were specialized, but to say that they revealed something to me somehow. they worked with me, i can’t say that, well , they put you in a

neurological clinic, yes, yeah, well, it was difficult, that is, this is not psychological treatment, it’s basically pills, ivs, a lot of glucose, when you just go out after half a month, with sizes four to five times larger, you go to work or study in this uniform, this is, of course , very scary and incomprehensible. it’s terrible, but now my mother and i live separately, we have a fairly warm, good relationship, if it’s possible to tell how long you lived with your mother, if it turns out, in the first year you moved in with her at 17, yes, yes, somewhere around 17, well , at 18 i took the academy, at 18 we came to her, well, that is, it turns out to be 20, years, yes, i have an assumption that these 20 years were the most difficult from the point of view of anorexia, you know, and... the first peak, when i was 12 years old, i didn’t quite understand that we would now

return to it , yeah, then it was, rather it was difficult in terms of the relationship with my mother, not in terms of the relationship with the disease, that is, it was difficult specifically with your mother, you know, what a thing, your illness, like any other illness, probably, it is most likely an indicator of an imbalance, it is not the cause of an imbalance, because here you are sitting now, if you name it...

what were you in at that moment when did this start happening? i started adolescence, and i was a little scared, or perhaps even a lot. but the fact is that my parents didn’t really explain to me what it is, what happens to girls in general, they didn’t educate you on the concept of the menstrual cycle, including, yes, when i saw how my body was starting to change, i was scared, shocked, maybe, and i resisted it as much as i could, that

is, i didn’t like the way i was starting to look, although well, i was never fat. that is, everything was fine and you can even say that i was so thin, and then it began, that is, as i understand it, my hips and breasts began to form, yes, yes, i tried to wear something so that none of this would be visible, yeah, and you were so opposed, yes, that is, i put hair on my face because i didn’t like it, how my cheeks appear there, for some reason i didn’t want to grow up, i didn’t want to not grow up, it’s not about growing up.

well, for example, i made soup without fish, without meat, then it turns out that it’s fish broth, or meat, or something like that, it’s one percent kefir, then somewhere i find a jar of three and a half trying to feed you all the time, like a normal grandmother , yes, she was worried, caused scandals, scenes, you managed to break the cycle with such experiments on yourself, or the cycle still remained full, and over time, that is, you were able still? yes, yeah, when i got to the hospital, i was already without a cycle, yeah, it was 45, in general, you won, but at the same time you weighed, i don’t know, a kilogram, at that time 40, probably, yes, you very purposeful, cool, yes, you can write an article right about you, and so, after the hospital i came out with

a huge increase, but it was generally liquid, at 13 then, yes, yes, yeah, that is , it was liquid. who pumped, well, that is, several times every day, an iv, glucose, something like that, some saline solutions, because there was severe dehydration, that’s right, or exhaustion, as they thought, well, in general, my goal was just to get out of there, you know, i was waiting like a dember, when i came out, i of course realized that god, what is this, what is this all about? -that mountain, which, it’s not me, yeah, i, well, it was difficult for me to join the team. well, i was so closed-minded, and of course i tried to return to the fact that, well , at least to a more or less normal diet to begin with, to a normal weight, i succeeded, for some time i again lived without anorexia in okay, how can i bring you back for a second, but how did your classmates react, for example, to the fact that you came from the clinic

, it was not an easy time, because... when i was walking along the corridors, and i heard who -someone laughed, someone said something, mimicked, but you know, i was so immersed in myself, i tried to understand what was wrong with me, what should i do, how to get out of all this, how to get out, what should i, frankly speaking, , there was no time for them, and maybe this was a plus that i didn’t react to it in any way, well that is, you defended yourself by withdrawing into yourself, yes, by distancing yourself from them, yes, that’s right, that’s how it was. the situation, how much did mom take part in the first, essentially, episode that happened? at some point, my grandmother called my mother and said: “you know, she doesn’t eat at all anymore, completely, and my mother rushed over as soon as she could, tried to feed me something, we went shopping with her,

chose something , well, but it all ended in hysterics, that is, i gave up everything.” then my mother decided to fraudulently take me to the clinic, yeah, it was already in moscow, so this is the first time you went to wedge, yes, yeah, when they took my blood, i lost consciousness, then i came to my senses already in the clinic in a closed institution, well, yes, and i stayed there for some time, yeah, mom they weren’t allowed into the clinic, that is, you couldn’t visit there, well , naturally, yes, yeah. “well, when i came out, i said that i hate you, i wouldn’t either, they don’t let a person die, yes, that’s interesting, tell me”? today you are quite a few years old, you said that you can cope with all this, and what have you tried in terms of, let's let's call it a recovery, did you go to

psychologists, did you use any methods? yes, you know, i went to different psychologists, including quite serious psychotherapists, and they offered me to work with childhood, with the unconscious, but... in this particular case, you know, i don’t remember much, that is, some things i, well, my consciousness, it either replaced it or simply erased it, when i am asked to tell about something, i either don’t really remember, or it seems to me that something happened, but i don’t even believe it, it seems to me that this didn’t happen, that is , i can’t remember anything like that from childhood, there were up to three years, well, that is, in general, well, up to three, few people remember? let's say yes, because they say that this is some kind of childhood psychotrauma, perhaps something necessarily connected with the mother, or this is an attempt to be

more independent, not to depend on anyone or anything, so in this way, this is what , how my psychologists are with me, but tell me, how do you yourself perceive your coming to your mother, that’s 18 years old, when did you accept? in this you need to look in this direction, that your a auto-aggression, and if we are talking about the diagnosis, and even the smoking that you are talking about, yes, if we are talking

about auto-aggressive behavior, and such destructive, destructive behavior, it, in general, to a large extent gives reason to believe that this is precisely the same aggression that you cannot express directly to your mother, and if you cannot kill the mother who is outside, thank god, then you kill the mother inside yourself, and this mother is as a woman, and this mother is as a person, that is it’s my resentment towards her that, well, listen, there are no children who don’t would have reasons not to be offended, yes, or rather to be offended by mom, we all have reasons to be offended by mom, but i would look now not at the cause, but at your consequence, that this whole story of yours is about how you... want to destroy yourself, not die, but destroy in the sense of reducing, yes, cutting off pieces from yourself, you can approach this in different ways, in any case, in my opinion , the psychoanalytic position there will be the most

adequate in my opinion, so look at it from this point of view, what if you you express aggression towards your mother within yourself, because even your desire is to stop your maturation during puberty. this is essentially to stop the development of a key female organ such as the uterus from development , to make it incapacitated, and the uterus is nothing more than a part of the mother inside you, it is unlikely that this will help right now, which is deep, deep, well, there is no point, it seems to me, here on the surface to speak, in this sense, how to say, we now have no hope that we will talk now, everything will change, yes, but that’s all i can.

there are no relatives, yeah, it’s as if sergei is saying that mom could have different motives, but you read them as a mom, not up to me,

the child couldn’t do it any other way. to perceive this, of course, i wanted to be with my mother, of course, naturally, no matter how much you love your grandmother, the desire to be with your mother was endless, and of course, every friday we expected that the same mother who would want to be with me would come, but another one came , the one who constantly made comments came, because of this , conflicts arose again, again, with whom there was no contact, and as if then it was necessary to attract attention in at least some way, at least in some way. so i chose not to eat as a way to get attention? no, go deeper, you choose not to eat as a way not to be a mother, not to please her, to cause constant anxiety in her, to kill her inside yourself, because as soon as you get better, you become like her, that is, i didn’t want to either to be a mother, including so as not to repeat

the same thing. not that it won't be repeated, but once you become a mother, you you stop being a daughter, and you are still playing that game, as if your mother will someday come to her senses, and you will finally become truly that daughter, it is clear that now your mother has nothing to do with it, this is a woman who does not need to come and to bully that everything is because of you, when psychologists say that all the problems are because of the mother or all the problems in childhood, they do not mean these mothers, they mean the mother who functioned in childhood, and how our psyche protected itself from various kinds of their manifestations. parental mother whom we saw, because a real person, our projections on him can be completely different things, most often very different things, so now it’s as if, investing in this story with anorexia, it’s about the fact that you would like to return that mother and get what, what you didn’t receive back then as a child, to receive that attention, that warmth, that care, that intimacy that was not there.

i watched another version: you try to be very compact so that your mother will still pick you up, so as not to take up a lot of space, but you understand, that girl plays this game, not an adult woman, only when you become disidentified with the motives, desires of that girl who was afraid that she would be admitted to the clinic, she was admitted to the clinic, that her classmates would laugh at her, that her mother would not accept me like this, but... all

these, well, in essence, you need to disidentify with her, leaving her with all the problems that existed and all that psychology, psychotherapy can do in this sense is to find a way for you to live through all these elements that were so missing that child, and live his life separately from his mother, separately from this girls, understand that, in general, no matter what size you are, you, by the way, which is... you know your body very well, and this is an invaluable gift, and if you start with this, if in the end after all, in your training you delve a little deeper into a body-oriented approach, for example, then you simply have a huge storehouse of knowledge about how your body works, which most people do not have, and if you

just start listening to it, you will simply learn nothing more listen to your body, do not explore it with experiments on it, listen to it, then this there will be a beautiful melody, this is already very cool, your training in psychotherapy is, in fact, psychology, psychotherapy, the plus is that you can take it not as knowledge, not as just science, not as theory, yes, but take it and work with it . immediately make it an applied mechanism and then you will be able to help a huge number of people. yes thank you. well , right now, right at this moment , it seems to me that the most important thing is to just split up with this girl, you are so united with her that you tell her history, living her life. but you are already different, and how to enjoy your own

body, to love. this is the most important thing, that’s for sure, yes, i think that our conversation today, i don’t know how useful it will be for you, but it will definitely be useful for a lot of people. relationship with your mother, to truly live, to explore this feeling, then it will simply move from the unconscious dynamics into the conscious field, or in other words, let’s say, where our colleagues from the gestalt approach would tell you that

your anorexia is your hysterical attempt to pull your aggression out of the psychotic experience into the neurotic field so that people see that there is something wrong with you, there is something wrong with you there in... what you leave with, there is something that you can take from ours, from our communication? and, of course, it was very useful for me to discuss my problems with you, and i will think about how

i can further develop the topic of a body-oriented approach, about the fact that i know my body very well, this is right to the point. body, yes, i even know how to tune it into something, you are very purposeful, i will repeat, however, only a very strong, purposeful person can fully regulate like this, yes, about living emotions, no matter what they are, yes, they are only positive, loving, but that means learning to work, accept and live.

there is always an imbalance, yes, so i recommend that you establish a balance between listening to the body and ordering it, you know how to control it, give it a rudder, that is, learn to give it to it, you know, like a metaphor, like a ship with sails, but without a rudder or with a rudder but no sail, it will either be him it’s not going anywhere, or it’s going who knows where, yes, and your task is to be this captain who controls both the sail and the ship itself through the rudder, this balance will be for lavishing, yes, this balance will be ideal, and what will you do first of all, eat a croissant, great idea,

first of all, i would hug my mother, hug and tell her that no matter how uncomfortable you are with each other, you still... my daughter, this is the most important thing well, it was the triggers podcast, and we were with you, its hosts, psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya, psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, nicole was our guest, in my opinion, it was a very deep conversation at night, you can watch all episodes of the triggers podcast on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru.

i didn’t see your smile, you probably hide it from strangers, you don’t make mistakes and don’t say it. unnecessary phrases, diving deeper each time, we take off our masks in order to become even more unnecessary. just how much life was needed to feel here now that i don’t need this, i need it again, you’re so strange, little, you know, i’m tired of deception, i’m confused, everything is so cool, it’s driving you crazy, but i’m giving you another try, you never know again, you’re so strange, i love you, i’m serving, maybe you’re talking about... the truth is that it’s cool and i’m afraid to give you another

chance, my heart told me today, because it doesn’t matter at all what they think about us, even if it’s strange, i thank you for what we have now, every search... for your answers, but i feel that somewhere very deep inside, deep inside, there are no secrets , whatever you want, just look, and how it should be, you never know again, you’re so strange, you never know you know, i'm tired, i 'm tired, i'll be crazy, but i'll give you more money. you never know again, you’re so strange, you love me, i’m giving it away,

maybe it’s true, it’s cool, i’m afraid to give you another chance, it’s cool.

what do you think unites you, besides beauty, of course music, in fact, this whole event of yours is cool, it’s real. i went to nyusha’s song with trump cards, yes, of course,

well, because i can’t wait, i want to hear, me too, run away, take me, i want to go where you breathe, it’s wet winter, you can’t hear me through the rain , i'm on the balladeny. bathed in the clouds, however, by the way, if you are my shadow, you even run away at night.

life situation, at that moment i observed a loved one who was going through a very difficult situation in a relationship, that is , i always saw this person so cheerful, carefree, positive, and then i learn, as it were, the other side of the coin in relationships, that in fact, well there is

a very, very complicated story, and against the backdrop of all this, this song appeared, i heard it. how you sang the song of our lyubochka uspenskaya across the pole, it so happened that i in my childhood, my parents raised me on chanson, it so happened that i went to school by singing, then somehow everything gradually outgrew and i began to recognize the work of lyuba uspenskaya, and the boys and i were sitting in karaoke, i was singing a song in polish, and one of our guys says to me: listen, it would be cool if you did some kind of remake of this song, left the well-known chorus, but at the same time. i would write new verses, and that’s how this idea was born, but kmal, what, what did love itself say to you? this is also a very interesting story, i was sitting in a cafe, in short, and my number called, i picked up the phone and heard this velvety voice that was so familiar to me, this one, alec boy,

she’s amazing, i just listened to the song, it was just amazing, i melted right in this cafe. she was sitting with me, my girlfriend was sitting opposite me, she ’s looking at me, by the way, she’s sitting here, she won’t let me lie, she’s looking at me, and i ’m looking at her like that, we caught each other, and i say, this is assumption love when i after all, we finished the conversation, i’m with this girl, in my opinion she’s in high spirits, in my opinion she was a little shavenical 100%, she had to cheat to call a stranger, right?

don’t look at me, i’m my own enemy, i traded you, let’s start with the verse, but there’s no one around , i’m going alone, i was a fool, sick of you, but no luck, again a trap, the heart in my head is completely filled with you, i’m drunk , i'm drunk with you, i won't find peace anymore, here we are right now... let's carefully enter into the chorus, i understand everything correctly, yes, everything is correct, you can to sing like love is inflamed in reality, and i ’ll come to you across the field and across the pole, i ’ll come to you across the field and across the pole for a thousand miles, to you for a thousand miles,