honestly, i admit, even though i work at a school, i don’t know what to do, is there any recipe, a manual? i hope that it will gradually happen, because, well, we have now created such a large anti-bullying program for schools, it has different blocks, and well, such as preventive ones, that is , there is a block for teachers, a block for parents, different class hours for children, we have such a large document called the anti-bullying charter, it describes what each participant in the educational process needs to do when bullying happens at school, including there is a piece in this program about what needs to be done if bullying has already happened in the class, and of course, these are the stories when bullying already turns into physical form, yes, when bulls are extinguished or pecked or things are spoiled , this is already when bullying has existed for some time, it usually begins with a verbal form, when they call you names, well, i’ll come up with some offensive nicknames.

a situation when all the girls in the class boycotted me and stopped talking to me, because you see, it seemed to them that i was one of the boys i liked it, and this is the moment when, in fact, teachers, well, in general, all adults should say that there is a problem , and we begin to work with it, what does the teacher do specifically, he assembles the class, tunes in to a certain number of regular such class meetings. yes,

the first meeting, it is dedicated to what the teacher says: we have quite big problems with communication in our class, you can, for example, say that there is a boycott in our class, you can say that bullying is starting in our class, then here already depends on how specifically this teacher feels calmer, and offer, for example, to watch any short video thematic according to the age of the children who are participating, where the situation of bullying is shown, it is better that this video is not very long there ... five, so that no one gets tired, and there it is important that all these positions are presented, then we watched the video and begin updating all students, it is very important that we work with the whole class, because we it’s important that there are witnesses, those children who simply join in, we ask everyone, what feelings did this character evoke, what feelings did this character evoke, have you ever encountered something like this in your life, that’s why you think children , for example, well, somehow they don’t support the boy and...

i would say that i also faced bullying when i was at school, i felt like this, children usually respond to this with very stories, that is, if i there was a teacher, i respond when they look and see more, that the adult also tells, they share a huge number of different stories about bullying, about some problems in the family, in some circles, in camps and so on, then someone starts talking about what you know, but we also have this problem in our class, so we, for example, are organizing a wiki smartly.

depending on who makes what contribution to this boycott that exists in the class, those schoolchildren who never participate in the boycott give themselves one point, two points for those who do it, well, some more often, some are there less often, but would like to stop it, three points for those who say that i will always participate in the boycott, and you will not convince me at all, practice shows that usually the majority give themselves two points, there are those who gives himself... three points and says that we will always boycott, but this is also important information for us, you shouldn’t be afraid of this, because well, that is, we understand then who is inclined, and, well, maybe it’s worth separately work with these children, but when we see that big part of the class, they all vote together, says that we are organizing a boycott, but would like to change something, this is a very important point, because we are talking about what is cool, you all say that a boycott is happening and you all want to change, so let's think about what can be changed? we don’t insult each other,

these rules are also formulated by the schoolchildren themselves, so that this is not imposed on adults further, we, for a certain number of weeks, monitor, well, that is, all the schoolchildren together , that these rules are followed, that is we usually either hang up a mailbox, they put notes there, or we put some two containers into which you can throw tokens of different colors depending on whether the rules are followed or not, then we look, discuss, often already at this stage what episodes -then there are fewer cats, then we have the next lesson about , well, respectful communication, that is, about boundaries, about friendship, about friendly companies, how to respectfully defend boundaries, and so on, and then there are games for education teams, if so sequences to work, then well, the results

are quite good, that is, if you briefly first understand how much of an aggressor you are, how much you want to be an aggressor, well, yes, then learn to negotiate, then learn to cooperate, you can say so. still, let’s return to our adult world, what do we take away from this bullying, how much does it affect the psyche in the future? this is later reflected in the psyche, for example, those people who were victims of trawling in childhood, they become victims of trawling as adults. older people are statistically much more likely to encounter problems with social anxiety, problems with depression, and they are much more likely to record suicide attempts and completed suicide. it’s more difficult for them to build friendships, start families, including many of them have a lower level of education, because well, because of all these personal problems, they don’t always manage to graduate from some educational institution,

and as for the aggressors, those people who seem to constantly fall into the role of aggressor, yes, they are statistically more likely to become. people with deviant behavior are statistically more likely to use psychoactive substances and participate in crimes, this does not mean that all victims will necessarily commit suicide, yes, this does not mean that all aggressors will necessarily be deviant people, associated in the future, but such a dependence is not shown in one study, so there is reason for everyone to think about it. victoria, how did the experience of bullying affect you, if you are willing to admit it? you know, it’s very difficult, as an adult, to determine what exactly, on what affected, because over the course of life a sufficient number of various traumas occur, including trauma from bullying, but i must say

that, probably, until 2014, this is the year when psychotherapy came into my life, it was quite difficult for me in principle , firstly, i have a profession... personal, but it so happens that i ’m uncomfortable being in society, well, really, it’s downright uncomfortable, i’m comfortable being on stage, because here no one looks at me from the sides, doesn’t judge me, these people came to see me one way or another, i came and i left, i don’t have any contact with them, but once i was in the space, my work involves a lot of social events, filming, something else, interviews, when you need to communicate with people, for a very long time. .. this was difficult for me , until now my favorite entertainment in my free time is to sit at home, not go anywhere and not communicate with anyone. i don’t know how much, how much this adds up, i don’t know if it’s the consequences of bullying or something else, but i honestly try to avoid it one way or another society when i can. i

even had such situations when i arrived, for example, a social event, alone: ​​i’m ready, i’m made up, i look beautiful, i like myself, that is, i’m already like this. how a little bit sure, but i’m sitting in the car and practically crying because i can’t get out of it, i can’t, i can’t force you to go into the company of people now, and i don’t know if i’ll meet a friend or there there will be strangers, but i will be uncomfortable, i don’t know if this is connected with the consequences of what happened there in my childhood, this aggression, this hatred, this rejection, but the fact that i am not very comfortable in society, yes. you are watching the podcast schrödinger's cat, i am its host, the chief editor of the popular science magazine schrödinger's cat, and we are discussing bullying with our guests, psychologist maria afonina and singer victoria deneko.

watch all episodes of schrödinger's podcast on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. maria, how common is bullying in adulthood ? work, for example, in adulthood it is also common, and i, for example, know these numbers that somewhere about 80% of people who experienced bullying already in adulthood. in the workplace, they said that this was one of the most traumatic experiences in their lives, and this was compared, among other things, with such serious shocks as, for example, the illness or death of someone close to them, long-term bullying in the workplace, it was put on a par with such, well, quite severe life shocks, but what should an adult do, complain, it’s very difficult, because i bully her at the workplace if they began to actively study bullying in school groups. somewhere from the eighties of the 20th century, bullying in adult

groups began to be studied much later, but, probably, somewhere from the nineties, in principle, not much has been done, but in general, it’s all the same the principle is the same, that is, it is important that a person in the organization where he works has a place where he can come to say that something not very normal is happening and that there is some kind of service that could well... to provide support to a person in this situation, but in practice, of course, this is not very much right now. victoria, probably now, when you are a well-known figure, you receive hundreds, it could be thousands of messages, how bad you are, how terrible, how do you feel about it, now it’s easier for me to perceive it, but still it all depends on the context, sometimes it happens , they can write in such a way that you are still, well, kind of upset. and you will worry, when i was very young, everything happened to me,

the star factory and the first forums, i read, i think, but what did i do to them, for what, why, why so , did it stop me when it was on my way, no, was it pleasant for me, of course not, but now i try, you know, mentally, just to wish it. a good person, because i understand that a person who is doing well, but he will never go, he will never write some nasty stuff, well, even if , roughly speaking, i don’t like someone, i don’t like someone cute, i don’t have time to look for this person, page, write something, but at first, of course, i could cry and be sincerely upset, and i was, of course, very upset. but now, over time, i have learned to cope with it one way or another,

i would like to return to where we started, to our experience, here we are sitting here , successful, successful, we are being filmed, recorded, but let’s remember ourselves at school, in camp, let’s remember those who bullied us, and imagine that there is a fourth chair, the main aggressor is sitting on it, the main one who bullied us... what would you tell him? i don't know, for some reason i it seems that those people who are just aggressors and behave so badly at school are, as a rule, unhappy children who simply cannot express their misfortune that is happening at home in any other way , they try to behave this way in society, directly to him, tell him, an adult approached this man today.

but i could just not say anything, because this is the experience that happened, i lived through it, and i move on, in principle, it’s no longer very important what happened there, well, if i now met those people who poisoned me at school, i even remember roughly their faces, first names, surnames, i would probably admit that from this trauma with childhood bullying, i probably learned a lot of useful things, not that meaning that you have to be strong. rather, on the contrary, remembering a bad school, a bad childhood, i want to take revenge, and this is

a good incentive, that’s why i work a lot at school, work a lot with children so that they don’t live like that, in a sense, i can even feel gratitude towards these people , but it doesn’t matter, even though i reworked everything or not everything, but at least i live well with this in real life, i haven’t forgiven you, here on... i guess i’d like to end our podcast on this emotional note, it was schrödinger’s kud podcast, and i’m its host grigory tarasevich, chief editor of zhurdinger. i'm larisa guzeeva, let's get married, good afternoon, today the grooms are pavel, stanislav and vladimir, and our bride is valentina. valentina, 40 years old, when she matched her friend as part of the let's get married program, was jealous of the bride,

who got three worthy grooms at once. sorry, of course, but quite pleasant, i'm sorry, he was so brutal, yes, yes, uh-huh, so today i decided to try my luck in the chair of the main character of the tv show. valentina, a dentist, lives in khabarovsk, is proud of her parents and the fact that she grew up in the remote yakut taiga, dreams of celebrating her seventieth birthday in sane with her beloved husband, admits that she is ready to help her lover earn more, valentina will not be able to build a harmonious relationship with a bald man of short stature, she will marry a gambling, athletic, smart guy who is ready to have children for a career growth. hello, it’s great, it’s true that you are not the first, by the way, who, having visited us as a matchmaker, comes later,

good motivation, they call it, well, what can you say, my friend, well, beautiful, at least. “i would really like to, i would even like to be in your place, so i’m even jealous, well , such good envy, look, you look amazing today, you too, thank you, and of course i brought far eastern gifts with me, seafood, thank you very much , thank you very much, and then into the refrigerator, thank you very much, as they say , you won’t get a rash like flowers, but that’s for sure, no, it looks cool, it looks great on the screen too, you look like that, it’s just as if she doesn’t need to come here at all, why? valentin, you are 40 years old, have you ever been married? yes, do you have children? no, do you want one? of course, but a dentist is still a doctor, right? you understand that in the female age, you understand all this, that you have to run straight after the last carriage? no, i’m in great shape, i’m bursting with health, so

it’s okay for the child, okay? no, i don't i feel like i’m 40 years old, i don’t feel like she’s 40 years old either. well, yes, yes, 30-35 years, yes, you were married for the first time for 11 years, why didn’t you give birth, why didn’t it work out at all, oh, well , it was such a marriage, i married out of great love to a distributor of uzbek flatbreads, and you were already with a higher education, you have already been, but it turns out that i only started working for my own name for the first few years, it turns out that i fell in love with this... i always improve my men and yes, i know, look, i actually had two marriages, you even turned the uzbek

flatbread breeder into a businessman, she gave him venus, you understand, he immediately started doing business, and then i release them into the ocean. love like a free fry, nothing like a fry, it seems to me that she didn’t help me become better as much as she thought that she was helping, it seems to me that she is domineering, well, in general, everything started spinning right there on the chair, and he was looking after me, why there were no children, because it was our formation, his career, my career, no, please tell me, it was temporary, that’s if if it weren’t for you, he would still be delivering flatbreads, i’m just wondering, i saw promise in him, he’s perfect. yes, that is, i saw that something would come out of him, but he was like plasticine, just pliable in your hands, did not resist, well, he - of course, he had his own opinion, but he listened to mine, because that at that time i already had high standards, yes, but what didn’t work out, but just at one fine moment i realized that i was growing, i was constantly studying for my studies, but he stood still, so a relationship was formed between us abyss, but still he

once, when i was in love, i tried to somehow match you, and then i probably got tired. why does he now have his own business, he has a real estate agency, but you say that it’s not growth, no, in another sense , spiritually, he stopped, well, let’s say, i wanted to visit theaters, yes, that is, he is all unacceptable, that is i don’t need this, but even if i had to constantly, come with me to beg, tiredly, no, it’s amazing that such good women suffer, but it’s true, sometimes there’s a bitch , she’s just got a perfect husband, a good woman and my husband, well, he’s just not a coconut, it’s always like that, it seems to me, but you also went to a psychologist, what?