times my name is evgeny dodolev. there was another story with the covers, i remember, uh, when i was buying, well, i was buying, the owner was an oligarch, by his order i was buying these or those publications there, this was a licensed edition of a very popular men's magazine, uh, the license was purchased and uh. i was negotiating, there was a manager, quite famous in those years michaelonpe, we met there in some cafe and he said that the current editor-in-chief of this publication wants to talk to me, i immediately for myself i concluded that we will have a different team, we buy only the brand, only the name, i will simply explain why this is important. buy the name, and not

buy, let's say, a team or, i don't know, a teapot or a computer, everything that is on the balance sheet of this magazine, because under the name immediately under this or that brand, an advertiser was built, that is, it was simply a business decision, because when some publication was created from scratch, first , so to speak, the publication is created, then its target group is calculated, it shows what kind of magazine it is,

there is a license, it is clear what format it is, what content it contains, that is why i say again that only this brand was purchased, especially since when a magazine brand is purchased, you have the opportunity to place there the materials that the licensor has released, that is, the publishing house that sells you the license, it provides you with the entire package of different shoots and materials that can be translated so that... you print them in your publication, that is why i understood that this some kind of waste of time, and he came, he was very temperamental, he explained to me that the purchase was about to take place, and they had the next issue planned, almost ready, and there was a cover with a singer, some kind of, well, from the category of singing panties, and what was very important was that she came out, because the shoot, by the way, was expensive, several thousand dollars could have been spent on renting studios for... a train somewhere

for such a photo shoot, because usually it wasn't just the cover that was shot, that is, there was also the so-called cover material, that is , several pages are filled with photography, and some photograph remains for the cover, so he was so persistent in saying that it was really important that it came out, that i , at that moment, when i was finishing my second glass of mineral water, decided for myself that well, screw it, well, it won’t happen... this singer is just 100%, and if he hadn’t come, i wouldn’t have said it, i probably would have used the already prepared material, than to shoot the cover anew or get it there from the licensor or even bother there, but when the issue is ready to be filled, i think we took one of the hollywood stars as a licensor, put her in a fairly undressed position, well, as the format of the publication suggests, and literally after a few.

book players, a very famous person, my friend, andrey vandenko, who was my deputy in the early nineties in the novy vzglyad project, the first such existed. private weekly in russia, he was my deputy and i consider him the best interviewer, well, magazine and newspaper, i actually recommended andrey vandenko as a person who would do a brilliant interview with this person, and the interview was recorded, it was filmed for the cover, day x arrives, when the issue is supposed to go on sale, and i get a call, again, from a patient, he says, what kind of, let's say, crap, like, i just stopped at a gas station, there's a magazine there, on the cover there's a nice, well-known lady, i say, well, i have nothing

to do with this at all, i just recommended a person who would record the interview, well , i'll figure it out now, i call andrey, i say, andrey, and what happened, that's how it happened... felix, very angry, er, is raging and throwing tantrums, he in turn says to me: i'll call you back, you know what they did, well, yes, i don't even know if anyone has done this before or not, they put a lady's face on one cover, on the front, well, actually, on the cover, i don't know whether they sold it or not, on the last page, well, which is also a cover, it's called the fourth cover, well, well, on... on such a cover, i don't know how it ended, because well, he's a

serious person and so to speak, it's unlikely for him i liked how they treated him, but i think that somehow this issue was settled, but with covers there were stories like this and i remember how in that very licensed magazine, a men's magazine, i 'll explain it again, it's where usually quite naked girls appear, on the cover of this magazine, in addition, we also report to the licensor, because the licensor generally monitors what happens in those publications that are leased under a license, i was contacted by the pr people of one - the mayor of a northern city, they said that they did not take

here it is on the cover and this edition too, because it is in a business building, and uh i just... for fun, i say, i will find out now, i will just call our licensor in the city of london and ask, is it possible to solve it, because the covers, the fact that we sell the covers, they knew that we receive money, because this money was cashed, that is, it was not jeans in its pure form, so i call london, ask the curator, i say, andrey, we have such an official, he recorded the video and in general such...

because she said, well, you know, at least once such a hitch, can you at least go to work then, since we had such a large package fall through, we have already prepared some money, to hire a girl somewhere in pr or something, i say, for god's sake send her, we'll see what kind of girl she is, the girl arrived, and she parked right there on bolshaya androenskaya street, we had an office building.

later it turned out that he is in charge of the development of our entire north, there is arkhangelsk, murmansk and so on, but by the way, worked very well, everyone was happy, that is. this story did not end with the cover, but it ended with me finding a very efficient employee, who actually did not have to be paid a salary, and who, by the way, did not claim to be on the cover, because there were such employees, i even once decided to arrange in this same magazine, so as not to pay models, i offered the girls working in the publishing house, i repeat, there were about ten publications, to do a photo shoot, if they were ready to undress, then here like ours, our girls from our

publishing house, i thought, i'll have to persuade, you know, i had to build a filter, because well, a lot of people wanted to, my niece worked in this publishing house on the blocks, and i couldn't refuse her, although i must say that i later got a very stern scolding from... from relatives after this issue came out, we practiced such sessions, that is, in addition to covers, we did there, for example, well, there are restaurant chains, when a restaurateur has several establishments there, we did these girls a waitress from one restaurant, a hostess from another cafe, a director from a third coffee shop, that's... we came up with this gimmick ourselves, i mentioned my niece who

was involved in blocks, what are blocks? these are things that are very close to jeans, this is when some organization, i dealt with the largest airline, i won't name it, it pays so that no one writes about it at all, so that it doesn't... be mentioned, that is, i had a special person sitting in the editorial system, looking through it, so that the name of this the airline was not mentioned in any material, in any of the magazines at all, decent money was paid, that is, somewhere around 10,000 euros a month for each publication, that is, 100,000 euros a month were paid, that is, more than about one and a half million a year this airline paid so that it would not be mentioned, that is, when it needed to be mentioned, it paid separately, sent, and to be honest, this

amazed me, because for this money it was possible to do some, well, i don’t know, well, a lot some, well, really some cool things, i don’t know, to build a hospital, some kind of boarding house, some kind of charity, then they would have written, just people themselves, there would be no need to pay for it, it would have been possible to come up with some great campaign, but that’s how they were afraid - people of compromising information, i mean that when you see something on the covers, it’s all about money, when you don’t see it, you know, like in a movie you see this seminarian, no, but he’s there, that’s the same story, that a lot of money is paid for something that you, dear viewers and readers, simply do not see, otherwise the end of times would have come, this was actually a podcast, a chronicle of the end of times. and i, evgeny dodol, told you about such a phenomenon as jeans.

you can watch all the episodes of the podcast lab project on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. hello, dear viewers, you are watching the podcast. triggers with you its leading psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya psychologist psychotherapist sergey nasebyan, our guest today is maria, hello, maria, hello, tell us what you came to us with came, and i am currently 35 years old, i live with my mother, i have never had a serious relationship, i have never been married, i don’t have children either, in the future i would like to start my own family, i would like to, but... i don’t want to leave my mother alone, my mother is 68 years old, she is a lonely pensioner, she sits at home all the time,

alone, she somehow has no friends, no girlfriends, not even pets, nothing, and i really don’t want to leave her alone, it seems to me that this is somehow cruel, i am a very empathic person, very kind, it is difficult for me to decide what to do my happiness to build my family, or continue to live with my mother, but then i kind of sacrifice my will. i'm at a dead end in this situation, i don't know how this problem is solved, that is, here in any case, as if there is a choice, either mom or my family, it definitely is, and one is worth the other, in the sense that you pay one for the other, this is a fact, i asked a slightly different question, so you sat, watched, probably saw a podcast, and you thought, oh, i'll go tell my story,

here's what you think, how should things change after this listen to the opinion of another person, then... about how, what are, maybe, i don’t know, options or what it’s connected with, that is, to understand something for yourself, based on this, decide what to do, okay, have you discussed this story with any friends, colleagues, relatives, no, that is, you are essentially discussing this with someone for the first time, yes, well, i’m trying to look for something on the internet myself, maybe someone has similar problems, when you find something similar, it seems that i’m not the only one with such a problem, you’re definitely not alone. the thing is that when you talk about the fact that you have there is no relationship, i want to say you are lying, but i can be a little more delicate and say you are being disingenuous when you say that your mother does not have pets, and you are also really cheating on anyone for one simple reason: you have a relationship, this relationship with your mother, and your mother has

a pet - that is you, that is, in fact, everything is very good, it is obvious that this suits you... you become experienced, i understand that maybe if i had started building some serious relationships earlier, i could have done some mistakes, now with age i can approach this more consciously, as if you have become more experienced, well, not more experienced in relationships, but in life in general, you have begun to understand people better, it seems to me that now i understand better who is bad and who is good and i do not do any stupid things when entering into relationships, i will translate what you

say into human language as a price tag, and... into human language in the sense that it is understandable to everyone who is watching and listening to us now, you may begin to understand, in fact, by answering my question, you are giving me, well, to us material for further questions, for further work, now it is very important you said that as if mom, she worked out her function of protecting you from the outside world, well, i don’t know what kind of protection, what kind of protection exactly was from mom, well, as it seems to me, she was always an independent child, and it seems to me that at an age when parents are already elderly, they demand more that they be protected, that is, mom has already worked out this function, here you suddenly thought about what will happen next? well , rather because of my age i thought that i i understand, but it’s not just like that, you could

have come at 45, that’s why i’m noting that for some reason it seemed to you that 35 was there... it seems to me, maybe i ’m thinking about family for selfish reasons, because i think i’m very unloved, and it seems to me that my husband and children are the ones who can give me what i lack so much, love, some kind of respect, to fill this gap, the lack of love, doesn’t your mother love you, i don’t know, well, that is, it’s hard for me

to answer this question, because well, i don’t i focus on words, the words "i love you", she never said to me. but even if she said it, it might have been formal, and i focus more on some actions , i don't know, i can't understand, i can even answer this question for myself, i would also be interested, maybe she loves me or not, but i don't know what actions you focus on, i focus on everyday life, well, let's say, while i'm sleeping she won't turn on the tv loudly, probably she means she cares about me, so as not to disturb me i sleep, let's say, i don't know, maybe it 's an indicator for... love care, maybe not, maybe respect, it can be both, but look, how interesting, you know, when a person asks a question, for example, do you love?

i won't ask you, of course, if you love watermelon when you eat it, but look how you find answers in a completely different place, pay attention, look inside yourself, yeah, here i ask if your mother loves you, yes, and you start to go into reasoning, that is, not looking for an answer there, where is it in itself in fact, i understand, because it is very difficult to tell yourself that i do not feel my mother's love or i do not have enough of it, yes, i do not feel it, well , that was honest, and you have lived with your mother for 35 years, and you are not sure if she loves you, yeah. you do not feel that she loves you, how do you deal with this? well, it seems to me, well, i have come to terms with it , probably, over 35 years, i have had periods

when i experienced this, i thought that there could be some reason in me or the reason is in me, that my mother is like this, i wanted my mother to be happy, so that mom was fine, and i was looking for some reasons in myself, then i somehow calmed down, i realized that probably she is just such a person, and this does not concern me in any way, this is just how she is, you just need to accept it and live on, if i ask you, what is it like to be you, how will you answer? tense, i am such a very tense, reserved person, responsible, that is, what feelings make up your day, i don’t know, i am during the day, if a weekday rather some kind of fatigue from work, from all the worries, one thing you definitely admit, and they themselves said: that you are always tense, well, it is hard for me to relax, super, let's try to rewind from this, here is tense, it is like, tense up now even more than

you are tense, more, yeah, what is the emotion that stands before this tension that makes you tense up, well, it is probably that you need to be on guard all the time, so that a emotion, well, fear, great, maria answered your question, yes, thank you, how interesting, forgive me, masha, that i am now talking about you in the third person, how interestingly masha formulates the thought, yes, that is, masha does everything in order to phenomenally avoid touching the feelings, but there is a very big benefit from the fact that you feel the body so well, even through tension, because the body, it will give you a huge number of clues, i hope that today we will be able to help you in this sense, how you can, with the help of ... the body, cope with the tasks that you set for yourself, fear, let's go back to it, what are you afraid of, not that it is directly some kind of

fear, it is rather that something will go wrong so that i won't have time to do something, i haven't done something, these are thoughts, these are not feelings, feelings, there is no feeling that something will go wrong, even for me it is difficult, how can there be any feelings at this moment. i even have an imagination, why it is so difficult for you, but i would still like you to unpack it yourself, with feelings it may not be very good, yes, i am a very practical person, feelings are of course not my territory, not yours and your mother's, this again is probably not a feeling that i may be somehow not like that, if i don't do something, this is a thought, look, all these or a feeling of not loving, if i did something wrong to me around, this is also a fear that i will not be loved if i do something wrong. look, it is still fear, i call it fear, and it may sound very negative for you, yes to some extent, and i understand perfectly well that you would not want

to feel fear from your mother, anxiety, well, in the sense of danger that can come from her, because it is your mother, how can you be afraid of her or how can you suspect her of that, that she wants to do something bad, i don’t know, i’m not afraid, i have no fear, and of course you’re not afraid anymore. 68, you’re 35, you can kill her if you want physically, you just agreed with yourself not to feel, no, specifically, maria, tell us a little bit about your family, dad, mom, i don’t know my dad, so, that is, he left when my mom was pregnant with me, yeah, and we lived with my grandmother before, that is, my grandmother, mom and i , the three of us, my grandmother has been gone for about 10 years, and why? my parents split up, my grandmother was against their relationship, that is, let's say, she separated them, but did you and your mother talk about this at some point, no, we don't have a tradition

of things like that. well, because somehow we don't tell each other any personal problems in the family and it seems as if if i start asking some questions, as if i'm getting into a person's soul, maybe if a person doesn't tell them himself, it means he probably doesn't want to, so you'll survive, yes, it's nice to be neighborly, that is, you are three generations of a family, women, three generations of women, you all lived together, yes my grandmother is also without her husband, i don’t know who else is left, that is, i

don’t know my grandfather personally, you are three generations. every day here, of course, what were you worried about at that moment, when there were conflicts between them, i don’t even know that i was really worried, of course i wanted these conflicts not to happen, i don’t know, there may even be some resentment about why they can’t live together normally, how often did you become the cause of their conflict, i don’t know what the cause of their conflicts was at all, not that it was me, that is, they were in everyday life in everyday life, their characters didn't get along, let's say. someone

wants one thing from grandma, mom wants something else in everyday life, why didn't mom leave grandma, why did you all live together, and i don't know, that is, she, grandma, was very, well, angry, that is, so stern, yes, a person, she had a difficult childhood with grandma, so he was a very difficult person, and well , mom, in the heat of these fights, scandals, she wanted to, i don't know, give up everything, go somewhere, she went out into the street with me and after a few. back anyway she was coming back, she thought, i found letters and correspondence, hers with men, like never before, there were no phones, she corresponded with letters, that is, she was trying to find a place to get away from her grandmother, because she was such a difficult person, she wanted to get away from her somewhere, find a man, she just wanted to have a place to go, yeah, it didn’t end, she didn’t find it, no, somehow it

didn’t end with anything, that is, it turns out that your mother, before your eyes... also didn’t have a relationship, there wasn’t, your grandmother, before your eyes there was no relationship in my eyes either, there wasn’t, that is, your mother served your grandmother, now you are serving your mother, yeah, yeah, when you found these letters, and you read them, what was happening to you, i was very scared at that moment, because i understood that these were absolutely strange men, absolutely strange adults, and that my mother could leave as if for some absolutely strange man, whom she knew... from correspondence and with me, with a small child, that it is unknown, some man will be there, suddenly he, i don’t know, will hit or something else, i was scared, that is, a man is some kind of dangerous story, yes , relationships with men, well, not always, but especially if it’s like this, just somewhere to go, you don’t know the person at all , that is, if i knew the person, if he was somewhere among our circle, i would already know that the person is normal, you can trust him, he is kind, i wouldn’t have

thought, i don’t know, maybe, well, you can ask her of course, if, maybe she ’s used to it, or not, i don’t know, she didn’t want to, this is a podcast triggers with you, its host tatyana krasnovskaya, and sergey nasebyan, our guest today is maria, you said that your mother is 68, that is, you are quite a late child for that generation, have you ever asked your mother why she did not

give birth for so long, we do not... it is customary, as i try not to ask questions, that is, in fact, you live to ask the unknown, what will happen, if you ask, i cannot understand this, well, i... maybe i will offend her, so what? i am very afraid of offending her, she is very vulnerable, she may cry, so what? and what, come on, what are you really afraid of, what kind of wax figure family do you have there? if your mother looks more or less like you, i can imagine what your evenings are like, you sit under a lampshade, preferably in the shade, so that god forbid you don't get into that bright spot on the table, because you...

how did i guess, how do you think, how did i guess? i've been trying to show you one simple thing for 20 minutes now, that you don't feel anything except fear, it's just that it has become so normal for you. that you are fearless, well, not that you are fearless, like well, you perceive a space where there is no fear as more dangerous than a place where there is specific fear, a very understandable fear, because the rules are clear here, the rails along which you and your mother ride back and forth are also clear, each of your days is like the previous one, each next one will be like this one, thank god that you came here, this goes far beyond the boundaries of your usual realities, when i yell at you, what do you feel, what do you expect me to change? that's what i feel exactly ours, your face changed twice when i raised my voice, you already told me everything they said, i want you to learn to pronounce this, i am not a conflict person, even if you raise your voice at me and rather, well, what

is happening to you at the moment, before you distance yourself, there was another emotion, at first you had a feeling, you just started to feel something, maybe you were a little offended, maybe... you were, you even maybe wanted to get angry somewhere, yes, but then you once turned on the little girl, at whom you can yell, whom you can control, yeah, because she doesn’t exist, she’s porcelain, i just usually from aggression, usually i distance myself, and i am not an aggressive person, that is, i do not respond to aggression with warming, your usual mechanism, your strategy, to freeze, you narrow down to the level of a small cell, freeze and turn off, all feelings, but tense, as usual, yeah, of course, because god forbid, you feel something, god forbid at least some feeling comes out, and there you do not know what to expect from yourself, okay from yourself, there you do not know what to expect from mom,

because you can’t upset mom, true, yes, i don't want to upset her in any way, of course, you can't let your mother down, god forbid i betray her, and your marriage would be a betrayal of your mother, yes, then there are two options: either you just wait for time to do its job for you, she will die, well, maybe you will have 10 years left to live, i'm afraid that she will not survive my leaving the family, it is very possible, so you will hasten her death, and so what? well, that's hard, then wait, our medicine is really getting better and better now, so she will live a long time, well, and you in in general you will live a long time, life there will just be so-so, but you can wait, of course she will not survive, because it is because of you. to a large extent for you, i think, as she herself, at least, this explains, most likely, did not live, she froze and you froze with her, you will most likely do the same now, you will go off the air and think,

my god, what was that, it was not me, it was someone else who was there, you will go under your lampshade, it will continue, i want my mother to be happy, so that she had her own life, but she probably, well, she doesn’t want this... for her to be happy and for me to be able to leave her, mom is happy when you’re around, mom is happy when you’re her pet, that ’s how happy mom is now, you agree to leave yours, i wouldn’t say that she’s a happy person now, that is , it seems to me that she’s the kind of person who also really needs a psychologist, but she’ll never go to a psychologist, but the fact that she’s not a happy person is because that’s how you lived, three unhappy women, then there were two un...

it's to communicate for some time, there was such a thing, either one date, or

several dates, okay, let 's remember some of your princes, with whom you had at least five dates, well, there was such a thing, a prince, not that a prince, well, that is , it was just a person who invited me on a date, yes, you went on a date, you went to restaurants, maybe kissed, i don't know, on the street, yes, so, here, this man, here he was, yes, here. as if it was an opportunity to build a relationship, it didn't matter to us which didn't even lead to, well of course, that is , he was a little bit difficult by nature, yeah, he even stopped these dates himself, yeah, i see, but it turns out that you have never let a person into your life who would go there, as they say, seriously for a long time, not that you didn't let him in, you were

n't, that is, there was no such thing that someone directly wanted to knock on my life or my heart, and i don't... well, i don't trust such acquaintances as social networks and acquaintances on the street, how could i meet you, i don't understand, if through some kind of interest, where i am, let's say for a longer time, well, i am at work, or if i go somewhere, i may have some of my own interests, well, i walk with friends, let's say, i have friends, yes, friends, an acquaintance, a girlfriend, yeah, well, you go somewhere there, you meet some men there. also new, what is the difference between meeting,

for example, in transport, meeting at an exhibition, yes or in a restaurant, that i can be liked there, having talked to me a little, as i can be liked on the street, only if as an external with so interesting, and you you consider all acquaintances, all contacts with men in general through the prism that a man must first see you, be charmed, get through all your. obstacles to win your heart take you away, but there i have never heard that a man can like you, i am a very amorous person, i will like every second, yes what am i, yes, i am very amorous, well why don't you open up, well i don't know whether a person likes me or not, i can't impose myself, say, here someone there to ask out on a date, maybe he's not interested in me, you understand that you are really building relationships with these men so...

have you learned not to disturb your mother and diligently not to disturb others? there is something in this, yes, that not to disturb is, let's say, i was taught this, so as not to disturb anyone, to be quieter, so as not to disturb the neighbors, well , there is something in this for me, because otherwise, what will happen if you disturb? others will be upset, who am i disturbing, they will be uncomfortable, what then, what will they do, they are uncomfortable, they will not like what they will do, mash, well, maybe maybe they won't do anything, but inside they will feel uncomfortable, you're just afraid that

they will feel uncomfortable, to do bad to other people, what should i do if you do bad to me, how should i, what reaction of mine are you afraid of, how will you know that i feel bad, that i will upset you, that i will somehow interfere with you, how will you know that this is so, you must have some kind of feedback signal, just biological feedback, how will you know that you have upset me, i can't find out, but... i will think that you will feel uncomfortable, like mom showed you that you upset her when you were little, when you were little, you make noise, you disturb the neighbors, what will happen? be in the yard, i'll make something to eat there now , i'll call you, and i was leaving, i could have gone to another area somewhere during this time, left by bus, she was looking for me all the time, she was in tears all the time, crying, running, looking

for me, and i blame myself very much for this, that i now blame yourself, what happened then, then i didn't understand it, i didn't feel. how did you understand what you did something wrong? nothing, i didn't understand why she was upset about it, nothing terrible happened, i was just out for a walk, she was crying, scolding you, well, she wasn't scolding you, she was just crying hysterically and saying that it was because of you, and you didn't understand what it was, and i didn't understand why he was so upset because i just went out for a walk, well , i mean, i was just out for a walk, nothing terrible happened, just don't go, that's why you don't leave anymore, you're really afraid of upsetting her more than anything in the world, and you can't predict how you might upset her you can, so just in case, you do nothing, this is the triggers podcast, with you is its host psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya , psychotherapist sergey nasebyan, our guest today is maria, you understand that you will not be able to build your life without upsetting your mother, you have a new blouse, your mother

is upset that she does not have one, and if you have a man, a family, then she will be upset, because she does not have this, i think your mother will happily agree to you... other children are told about grandchildren, she does not need, well, that's right, and better yet, nothing don't change, everything is very conveniently folded tar-sher, and you are around in the semi-darkness, why do you need children, why does your mother need children, just children don't fit into this. leave mom with her feelings and emotions, no, it seems to me that she will not survive this, march,

will she survive this or not, you will find out only after doing it, in general, everything should have been done much earlier, 15 years ago. you just threw away 15 years of your life, you put them on the altar of serving the demon of your mother, not even your mother, as if your mother has, if yes, in such a concept, the light dark side, here you feed the dark side, there is your contribution, not only mom's power, not only mom's anxiety, there is some kind of excitement, there is your contribution. and your responsibility is that you feed the dark side of your mother, simply by doing so you feed your dark side, because at some point your love will change to hate during her physical life or after her death, it doesn't matter, just wait until she dies, you will simply hate this person and

memory of him, that 's why you need to upset him now, that's what concerns your mistrust of social networks, meeting people on public transport , everything... the rest, here i would recommend you do a very simple thing, now you're going to go home from here, you're going to go by public transport, right, yeah, meet three people, three people on the way home, just come up and say, can i meet you, they'll think that i'm weird, and you're all weird, they already think that when you're just walking, they'll think, this is their problem, your task is simply to get acquainted, come up to ask, can i get acquainted with you, someone will say, no, someone will say, what are you, are you stupid or something, someone? will say, my name is vanya, petya, there, it seems to me, maria is now in such horror that you will simply move into the darkness along with the chair, do it, this will be the first step towards the changes you dream of, then more, then you will need to get acquainted with people every day, take such small steps, it is not about mom, it is about you, here is your task: