such a phone only a watch, because i have to know where my child is so that i can call, in a watch, accordingly there are no games, he didn’t like it in the second grade, because so mom, i have a watch, and the other one has a phone, i say, well , it’s okay that the others have it, well, not everyone walks the same way, he’s like, okay, in the third grade he already says: mom, i ’m a good student, yeah, i can walk with a phone, i say, well, okay, purely theoretically you can, but only on fridays, because he has a lot of time there, when yeah. they don’t assign homework weekends, and he waits there for his training for almost 3 hours, i say, okay, you can play, but only for another hour, he 's so good, then already from the third grade, when these games on fridays started, it got to the point that he would sleepwalk, that is, he didn't play there for 5-6 hours, no, he would sometimes play there for 2 hours, yes, we 'll let him, but no more anyway, at night he would either grind his teeth or sleepwalk.

you don't know how their life will turn out in the future, maybe they 'll ruin their eyes so much that they just don't have glasses, well they won't be able to walk, and he's like, well, yeah-yeah-yeah, so, wait, he's lost his logical chain, you have a child, you gave him a phone, it happened, there was a clear deterioration, yes , sleepwalking appeared, tension appeared in the form of bruxism, the child clenches his teeth very tightly, we hear a creak, that is, you saw a sharp deterioration, yes, but the phone did not disappear from life, did not disappear from life.

games, because i don't see any useful reason for these games in this phone. yeah, but well, i would deprive him, but i can't, because everything seems to be working out, like a white crow becomes, everything, everything is clear, we return to the same beautiful word everything. let's then figure it out from what i've already heard, i'll tell you, and you'll change roles, and you'll ask questions. the first, most interesting mistake is this, well, i'll call things my own. here are

most parents: children, they are absolutely brilliant, smart, they are strategists, they know everything about us, they know our weak points perfectly well, what they can put pressure on. your maxim, the first 2 years carefully studying your attitude to studies, to his achievements, i understood that it is important for you, it brings you joy, it is normal, all parents like it when their child is successful. when he studies well, but he is in the third grade, so here is a trump card for you, he says: mother, my studies are good or the phone, mother, of course, yes, because it is important for us, we are pleased with it, we see in this a certain kind of achievement, our child is successful, wants to keep the result in place, she enters into this bargaining, so a little bit we find ourselves in conditions of trade, not monetary, but trade-gadget, the child tells us, here i am... okay, pay me. mom hesitated,

probably consulted with dad, but decided that yes, okay, we will pay for the fact that the child also continued to study well, not with money, but the gadget in this case also came into the scene, as a method of payment, a method of compensation, labor costs, successes, skills that the child gives us in the form of his good studies. a very big, of course, such a failure, a very big mistake happened at the moment when you saw health problems. this is what complex specialists are afraid of, it is clear that we live in a time when you can’t give up gadgets, of course, sleepwalking is one of the most common manifestations, it happened not only to you, it is a cry, it is such a bell, it knocks and says: oh, the nervous system cannot cope with the load, of course, the first thing that can be done in such a situation, but you have already lived through it, somehow we will figure it out now, as for those who are watching us, if you understand that this is the only problem that ... phone,

tablet in the evening, his nervous system very active, she absorbs everything, the brain absorbs everything, some events happen there, he has shot enough, time is up, he turns it off, closes his eyes, and his brain continues to shoot, because these 2 hours before sleep are generally a critical time for a child's psyche, everything that they have absorbed there, they digest at night, and of course the nervous system screams, i am so overexcited, i can't stop, i'm already here everything... the line between virtual life and real life has been erased, he shot in the virtual, but left with it literally i mean, he left with his eyes closed at night to continue playing this game of his in real life, it's dangerous, it's a dangerous signal, of course, you took the right path,

you tried to ban it, you couldn't even stand the basic time, because of course , in order to form the necessary habit, you need time to live without a gadget, this is the first thing, secondly, you need time... parental time, because when we deprive a person of a tablet, deprive them of the internet, deprive them of a game, we must give them something in return, this is also often a weak link for parents, because that you need to spend your efforts, you need to think of something to captivate him with, you need to give him some kind of emotional joy, emotional reinforcement, this also requires strength, but we have already somehow also experienced it, apparently we have reduced the time, if i understand correctly, well, when we did not give him a phone, we played board games all the time in the evenings . the weather was good, we went out there to play football, also played with the child, there was a hoop, basketball, we rode bicycles, that is why, as it were , probably, a plus of that, that he also started other activities there, time for gadgets, as if he didn't have it, and he didn't ask for it himself,

yeah, but still after some time - everything is fine, everything is fine, op, can i, after a while, when it gets boring, apparently, free time appears, or an irritant appears that he sees this in others. he more often he still sees this in others, because, for example, he went out there to the football field in the yard, look how many children there are, i don't know, everyone is sitting on the phone instead of football and i understand that mine is one like that , first he looked there once, then there looked, and no one plays with him, like , and well, i'm standing from afar watching all this, like he's talking about the guys, let's play this, they're all on their phones right now, i understand that it probably affects him too and i 'm somehow limiting him, that is, i'm singling him out, that he may not be worthy of this phone, although he is worthy, this line may

be, well, yes, i understand that this is my mistake somewhere, but still i don't know how to balance this, so that it would be easier for me, so that he would understand, it would be more convenient for me. the phone is bad, and he didn't take it anymore, well, he himself of course won't understand, he's too young for this, it's very sad that in principle the phone as such entered his life so early, this is 10 years old, it's still early, this is the thought that absolutely all specialists are coming to now, that this is very early, at this age addiction easily forms, and you said at the beginning such a phrase that we give it only for an hour a day, because we don't want him to form an addiction, unfortunately, everything that... you say further, tells us that the addiction has formed anyway, it doesn’t care what the time is, 5 minutes 10, if it’s not enough for a person, if he wants more, it’s like with sweets, you know, you ate a piece of chocolate, and you walk around and suffer, because the rest is in the refrigerator, winking at you and calling you, and you, if

you don’t have this addiction to sweets, you brush it off, think, well, okay, but if you do have it, you’ll walk around the refrigerator, get angry, get irritated, it’s the same here, those are the symptoms that you say, they shout at us that you know, maxim has a problem, he most likely has developed an addiction, but it will be very difficult for you to take any steps until you sort yourself out, because more and more often in our conversation there is such an equal sign, somewhere even the mother stands out ahead, because you have doubts about the failure of your actions, will my child become a black sheep, will i not turn out for him, am i making him some kind of defective? and this is already about us, about adults, which means the first thing we we must start, we must be sure that we are doing the right thing, that is, you are your husband, you must clearly understand that we have adopted this concept for ourselves, why are we doing this, and in order to make it easier for you to answer this question, i will ask you another one, what are your

plans, you probably talk to maxim, your husband, about his future, what does he want to do when he grows up, or maybe you think, it would be great if maxim were this? no, maxim himself expressed a desire, he has such a goal, he wants to enroll in the physics and mathematics department of moscow state university, he has been studying at moscow state university for a whole year now, in a club, in... the small mikhmat, he wants to further connect his life with mathematics, and at the same time he really likes floorball, he plays floorball, goes to competitions, to tournaments, gets the best player, and then he wants to continue in sports, this is what he wants to develop further, and what is his goal with mathematics, not just to get a mikhmat diploma, what does he want in life, he wants to continue in programming specifically create programs, he is also learning chinese. a fairly large number of studies have been conducted, which is interesting and maybe even

funny somewhere, at one time they were sponsored by such a person as bill gates, a person who is categorically against gadgets for children, his children, as they grew up , got gadgets very late, and this is actually not accidental, this applies to most successful people in this world, such billionaires, serious, successful with names, they do not give their children gadgets very, very long. why? because there are studies that prove it in focus groups, usually three focus groups, how are studies conducted? there are many of them, it's not a problem to find them and even show them to maxim, as a thinking person, so that he can see these real results, diagrams, schemes , just like a person with a mathematical mindset. how is it usually conducted? three groups of students from the same faculty, approximately equal in their mental abilities. the first group leaves their phones outside the classroom, sits down, takes their seats. the second group takes their phones with them, but they are not allowed to take them out of their bags, the third group takes

their phones with them, they are turned off, but they are lying on their desks in front of them, and they are given some kind of test, the results are always the same, no matter how many of these experiments are conducted, on different target age groups, schoolchildren, students, the first group, which writes with gadgets outside the classroom door, writes these papers as well as possible, the second group, which has a gadget in its... bag, what do you think, writes by how many percent worse? by 30-40 percent, yes, you guessed right, by 30% they write worse, they have a gadget in their bag, and the third group writes twice as worse than the first, because the gadget is in front of them, yes, it is turned off, but it somehow actively winks at them like a chocolate bar, in children very quickly, in children, in teenagers, in young people, why do they take students, because they have accumulated experience, they usually, by the time they reach student age of 10-15 years, someone more, live constantly in a gadget, they have accumulated experience of anxiety, they have

the feeling that without them virtual life flows and flows very brightly, and that if you don’t take your phone, something very important will happen there, it’s as if you can influence the events that happen there, this applies not only to children, but to adults, these experiments, they prove that children, teenagers, they are in a very excited state from... who have as much gadget as they want, as much as they can, no one controls them,

let’s look at their life, what is it like, we just heard about your boy that he he studies well, he has sports, he has chinese, he has a minor in msu, that is, this is such a serious load, and i really want to say for her that yes , our child deserves an hour a day, despite the fact that he has already developed anxiety, this is such a borderline form, right? whether it is an addiction or not, but anxiety that he may not be able to keep up with something, he has it in one form or another, but our task now is such a big job, it will be aimed at breaking he has a myth associated with the word everything, that is , we will try to correct his constant society, this is school, this is sports, this is the street, yes, that is, where he communicates with children who also have a gadget at hand all the time, the first thing we do is consider their personalities, do they have anything at all? life, except for gadgets, yes, okay, he does not have parental control, he can do everything, how does he study, does he study

at all, yes, maybe, there is no way he will disappear, in fact, statistically it will be so, there will be bad results in studies, there will be lack of hobbies and additional activities, there will be conflict relations within the family, because if everything within the family was quiet, peaceful and smooth, and there was no need to close off from the child, because a gadget for parents is often like go baby. "leave me alone", when the gadget is not controlled, it tells us that mom, dad have developed severe fatigue, they do not have the strength for children, conflict is possible. perhaps single parents, they simply do not have this resource, yes, to devote time to their child, that is, very it is important to change the degree from the focus you are talking about, that you might think that my son is unsuccessful, that is why we deprived him of a gadget, like this is a gold medal, from the fact that this is not a medal at all, this is a bag of coal, perhaps, when this is a lot, it

is not because you are successful, and you are great, and you are cool, but because ... he is engaged in the child, this is the first point, the second point, a large number of studies show us that when a person has a very strong influence from the opinions of others, there is such a word comfortable thinking, yes, that is, he is very dependent on, he wants to be like everyone else, so he wants to be no different and not stand out, then he has no chance of becoming a leader, well, he can

sit in a row with them, instead of going to throw, maybe even alone, the ball into this goal. but at the same time he understands that he is developing his muscles, he is improving in the sport he is doing, you can sit in a row with them, here in a row, at recess in a row, everywhere in a row, sit in a row with them, but again, what future do these guys, if we found out that they are playing a game? of course, the internet is not always evil, the internet is a good place for development, a lot of educational films, another form of presentation. educational material, not all children are comfortable at school, sometimes there are frankly uninteresting, boring teachers, the material needs to be mastered, and there they can find a comfortable way for themselves, for some it is a video sequence, for others some audio some favorite, maybe a voice, just interesting films on any topic that you like there an animal, technology, mathematics,

it doesn't matter that programming, many guys are successful in it, they start doing it from a very early age, perhaps this is the path for maxim, perhaps he will be interested in spending his hour not on the game, and we know that many games, we will not say their names now, so as not to make additional advertising in any case, are a place where special bad adults get hooked, who catch children there for themselves, who become their victims, our real life breaks into their virtual life with a very bad, from the criminal side, the game is always a risk zone. maybe yes maxim will be interested in doing programming in one form or another already now to spend his time on this on the internet, firstly, it does not cause addiction, because it is a completely different achievement of the result, there is a result, there is joy, you close the computer, go, that's it, you are happy, you showed your mother what you have achieved, and you are a little on the way to your profession, to your goal, which you want

to do later, but it is impossible to be a leader, when you think in categories like everyone else, this is an important thought that... you probably need to try it on a little bit and also convey it to your child, that you understand, yes, we are part of society, homo sapiens, he developed this way, we can’t do otherwise at all, the main theory of the world’s development says that man developed thanks to gossip, because one thing, one whole family, having slaughtered a mammoth, went to another family to wash the bones of a third family, yes, that’s how we stand on this, nothing has changed much since then, but we must all time to communicate. it is very difficult for us, it is part of our pyramid of needs, but perhaps the environment does not necessarily have to be this, perhaps this environment can be offered other conditions, perhaps if you want to be successful, if you have goals, if you do not want to be a cog, but you want to be a leader, someone who manages some processes, you will offer them something else,

because in fact, why are children in after-school care, on the football field and so on? they sit in gadgets, because there is essentially no alternative, yes, you can go play football, but they have a strong feeling that this football was here 20 years before us, and will be here for another 20 years after us, and this is almost always in their understanding, yes, that is, 20 years at this age, this is, uh, the whole life is ahead, they are in no hurry to realize this opportunity, because well, where will it go, the game will run away now, you need to play urgently, because it will run away, yeah, and so they are lured there. yes, these are also networks, but if he offers them something, maybe, if he has such a desire, something that - the promotion is only today, only today i can show you some features. his sport i heard this word from you for the first time, i don't even know what it means, again, what sport is called floorball, that it is like hockey, but on the grass with a stick with a ball, maybe

they have never seen anything like this before, like me, maybe if he goes out into the yard not with a sword to play football, but with his stick, then we will have to postpone it, because the action is only today, and tomorrow we may not see this stick, the game can wait a couple more hours, the same at school, yes, it is clear that... he will not be an ethicist-inventor, he does not need it every time, sometimes he can also play on his phone, and sometimes he can surprise them with something, and i am sure, listening to your child, that he definitely has something to do with, at this moment his rating increases very much, because he is not like everyone else, everyone sits playing on phones, and he, i don’t know, brought two turbo inserts and showed how dad played with inserts in childhood, also yes, a feeling of the presence of the opportunity to receive. additional contact with his parents, that’s it, by the way, the scheme is always very efficient, to bring something that later or to tell something that they can then discuss at home, because

as we have already found out, when a child spends an unlimited amount of time on a gadget, this tells us that contact with parents has been disrupted, i understand that our viewers now have a topic that is generally scary, i am already scared of what will be in the comments, but our viewers now may have just such a rebuff. especially those who have a gadget for small children , uncontrolled time, they are right there into your shell or vice versa into the comment, and this is surkov talking nonsense, i spend a lot of time with my child, but at the same time, it's true, he spends another 8 hours on the phone, well, it's funny, yes, that is, simple mathematics does not add up, my friends, let's agree with you right away, if something touches you, this is a reason to think about it, maybe think, and not immediately go into deep defense,

right, let's analyze this situation, what am i doing on the phone, we justify ourselves all the time, we definitely do it with some benefit, when we start to

admit that no, and not always and not completely, and it is unfair, then it also makes sense to apologize to the child and say, yes, you were right, not always, which means that here we can already introduce new family rules, and larisa, you know, we had another situation, my child is just in the third grade. he got carried away with a rubik's cube, he assembled it in a minute, i don't understand how this thing can be assembled at all, but no one from his circle did this, and of course he brought it to school, and he was happy because he attracted attention, everyone, as you they said, put the phone down, everyone looked at him, how he does it, of course he told someone there, but everyone, as he tells me, everyone was very shocked that they twisted, turned him, and he once in 50.

sh phone on the desk you collect a rubik's cube, well, that is, you are already at a higher level in your such mental even emotional impulse shows that yes please, for those who have there, who think in other categories, i have everything, because at this age it will be very difficult for him to fight back on the topic of no, we are doing well with money and we in general, such successful people, it is not necessary, it is not this very personal area, which that boy definitely does not need, but you know how i have... another question arose, now, when we were telling, when i myself was telling you and i myself had a question about a dad who can lose and wash dishes, what about a dad in general, how is it with us, how is it in our family,

with you, with us, with your family? no, our dad is a military man, we are strict with this, as if dad is practically never on the phones, well, that is, they can call him for work like that the same as me, that is, well, we don’t play games there, we don’t even really correspond there, but yes, as you said, you have to start with yourself, i’m most often on the phone, because my work consists of writing something on the phone and sending it to someone, and i understand, i catch myself thinking, i think, ah, well, the work will have to be standardized, that is, at the time when we want to provide the child... help, again , a simple parallel with food, if our child is allergic and we are now treating him and removing allergens and no one eats them in front of him, so that not to irritate him, it's the same story here, that is, and this is what needs to be emphasized, that look, now we have family time, as i understand it, there are also children, yes, i have two more children, yeah, maxim the eldest, maxim the eldest, then comes my daughter, she's 7 years old and the youngest son , he's 5, yeah, that is, look, now we have family time, we spend it together, i

'm not working now. you see, there's a phone lying there, i follow all the same rules that apply to you, although i'm an adult, i can naturally do it differently, because my work depends on it, it probably depends on our well-being in many ways, it is important, but i respect you, i do it for you and for our family, in fact, anya, you know, i am listening to you and i want to give you such, i don’t even know , feedback, a compliment, admire , say that in essence... you are that rare mother who has such a tense problem, well , frankly, yes, we have a wonderful successful child who studies well, who clearly has a lot of additional workload, is passionate about many things, he goes out into the yard for a walk, happiness just a psychologist, that the child goes out for a walk at all, that is, everything that you hear, evokes such positive emotions in me, and i understand that the only difficulty

that you have today is that with maxim it is not even a gadget as such, it is precisely his communication with the outside world on the topic of not being like everyone else or being like everyone else, yes , such a choice to be or not to be, perhaps he will also have to make this choice, and for you , you will have to spend a very significant amount of time giving him this support support, to admire, to say what a great guy you are, to offer some simple re'. you must always remember that 10 years old is still a baby, especially a boy, he will not even start going through teenage changes for three years, he is still a baby and he cannot communicate with some kind of extra aggression, with what is not typical for your family, what he is not used to, what he does not see at home, yes, for dad to kick him in the ass or something like that to happen, so he really needs this

support from you with simple. some phrases or decisions, okay, good, yes, a phone, an indicator of success, let it be, but let it lie behind the door of the classroom, yes, if we remember this experiment, because it does not lead you to success, it drags you to the bottom, anya, now i have a question for you, our analysis of your situation is ending, what did you hear today, what did you take away for yourself? well, i heard that my maxim needs help. in terms of, how can i put it, in order to give a point of support, that he is not that different from everyone else, but he, let's say so, it will be different, we are all children, all children are different, but if you want to become a successful child, a leader, then you should not be offended by the fact that they are teasing you somehow, like, that they are there on their phones, and

you are not? they will say that you are not like that, perhaps, but you know what you are, that's probably what they will say anyway in your back, anyway, and you go forward, focus on those who are ahead, especially since he has this environment of communication, one mikhmat, yes, a small mikhmat, these are successful guys, there is no such thing just get there, focus on them, why do you choose a reference point there and not there, because this is your future, this is your life,

thank you anya for being with us, thank you. i hope i was helpful to you, very much, and if you also want to get my consultation in this studio, fill out the form on the channel one website. i will be glad to help your family. hello, dear viewers, you are watching a special edition of the triggers podcast, continuing the theme of the mutual consent series, today we are talking about abuse, abusive relationships, with you are the hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan, our guest today is suzanne, hello! hello, your story is that you lived for some time with a man who, according to you, was an abuser, who committed some abusive actions or actions of a violent nature, so absolutely right, the topic of our

conversation today resonated with me, because i know a lot about the position of the victim in an abusive relationship, because i was one, from a psychological point of view, this such...

self-esteem, self-worth in parents, and it seems to me that a favorable atmosphere is formed specifically in the family, when there is no such atmosphere, a woman grows up, looking for

approval, looking for exaltation, and easily falls for the bait of an abuser who puts a woman on a pedestal, that is, after all , the abuser first puts you on a pedestal, puts you on a pedestal and not enough... a completely different man, in his psychological makeup, is a healthier and more adequate partner. and what does devaluation look like in this victim, who is drawn into this hurricane of abusive relationships? at first it is drawn into the so

-called love bombardment, when he gets you out from under the ground, when he suddenly needs to court you and flowers, gifts, and some luxurious... trips, everything that any woman can dream of, he appears in such an idealized light, presents himself, and becomes the only important thing, as if everything pales in comparison to this man, that is, he creates a certain image, not even an image, but a space where you strive to get to, which then you strive to deserve, as if to close the need to be, to be important, yes it is? about importance, about uniqueness, about uniqueness, if there is no feeling of inner confidence that you simply exist, and you deserve respect and love by birthright, and this is inseparable from you,

then such a character becomes very tempting, because he gives you what is not inside you, how to determine where this is a healthy position, and where it is already worth stopping and showing attention, persistent courtship and inattention to refusals - this is, probably the very first most important flag, because not attention to refusals, to refusals. interact, there are men who love, no, when a woman refuses a man's courtship, you refuse his, and he does not perceive no, as an option that can even exist, because usually men with such a constitution also have a narcissistic personality type, they cannot bear refusal, for them it is something like a sport, when a man begins to bombard his... attention and does not respect your right to refuse and your opinion, rudely

speaking, it means that he is not inclined to respect a woman with her choice in principle, how can a woman be deceived in this? it may seem to her that he has flared up with feelings for her so much that he doesn’t give a damn about the whole world, that’s why he is trying to win her over, she may think that he really needs her, but there is such humor in this: this man doesn’t care what kind of woman he wants to win over, for him it’s a goal, like in dog racing, a rabbit automatically moves on a stick to motivate the dogs to run, approximately the same goal and target, any a woman for such a man, how to understand that you are important to him, and not, and not you are not the goal, of course i am not too much in this...

the link that you are talking about now, and i like, in fact, this is that the search for the ideal man, as well as the ideal woman, is just a direct path, including in mutual relationships, so, there are no ideal men, no ideal women, there are conflicts, this is healthy, there are conflicts, there are disagreements, there are situations in which you need to understand, which can be resolved, even at the level of a family psychologist, if you are already in some long-term stable relationships. there is no need to be afraid of conflicts, there is no need

to be afraid of conflicts, you are absolutely right, yes, it is precisely in conflicts that interests are very often defended, if suddenly you did not have time to outline your boundaries at the entrance to the relationship, then it makes sense to still talk to the person and maybe even in an aggressive form, if you are already in a conflict, but to communicate that you are unhappy, that you would like others... and what, well, so the antonym or what would we

put, well, let's say, diametrically opposed to the position of the victim, about which you say, a self-sufficient person, a person who has healthy personal boundaries, good self-esteem, i recently learned the difference between the words self-worth and self-esteem, because self-esteem is when you evaluate yourself. someone about a person, his achievements, and you need a measure in order to evaluate yourself, it turns out that you are constantly in some kind of neurosis, and you worry about the fact that someone has more, someone is more beautiful, more of some benefits, that is, self-esteem is associated with comparison, with comparison, and self-esteem is when you rooted in self-sufficiency, self-worth is when you just.

for example, they confuse what you are now saying about self-worth with egoism and are afraid of it, how to deal with this? it seems to me that it makes sense to contact a psychologist. in general, at any moment, when suddenly, thank you very much, yes, at any moment, if suddenly you feel that life is somehow not going the way you would like, and you cannot find the reason, then most likely there is something to work on, and as for self-esteem, self-worth and this

comparison with narcissism, it seems to me that not it is worth comparing cold and wet, perhaps, but people do this, that is why i am asking you,

such a conscious, thought-out , therapeutic position, how would you define responsibility, so that it is not some kind of slogan, because many people do not understand what we are talking about, but how would you analyze it, this is what it means to be responsible for our listeners, mainly now, to be responsible means, out of respect for yourself, to solve issues in your life. in accordance with your needs, this means to decide independently, this means do not involve third parties and do not delegate the solution of issues to someone, it is advisable to cope with the solution of issues

on your own, there is also such a phenomenon that the abuser is usually supported by his colleagues, friends, acquaintances and at some point you become an outcast, you are kind of squeezed out of the feeling of belonging, so to speak, and you feel even more guilty that you even dared to say that you are suffering and you do not want to do this anymore, when this is already a process of spending, the breakdown of relationships, it becomes unbearable that you you become some kind of outsider.

you imagine, fantasize, you have hallucinations and everything is not as you think, all your objections are complete nonsense, delirium, you are not very good in the head at all, secondly, there is always increased criticism and you are constantly some kind of devaluation, naturally devaluation, starting from appearance, ending in general. the conclusion about your life that you are generally some kind of worthless, without him you have no right to exist and in general, you are nothing. what does the victim of abuse feel at this moment? i remember that it was terrible, it seems that life is meaningless, as if life is losing its colors.