here is a very important element that dad should have taught you to stand up for yourself, if for some reason he couldn't teach you to stand up for yourself, he should have taught you to contain the emotions that it caused, so i'll ask again, where was your dad at the time when teenagers were bullying you, was he even aware that this was happening? of course, of course, he was aware that i was giving in to bullying, but he only explained one thing to me, you know, the same thing... for example, when a person's art secret pressure, we can't tell him, it doesn't matter, it will wear down on its own, we will bring a person to myocardial infarction to stroke, my dad told me the same thing, don't pay attention, they will stop, or, for example, that if you really can't, complain to the teacher, well , of course, of course, i did all this, i didn't pay attention, and i complained to the teacher, but what did it change, who would stop such, let's say, idiotic teenagers from doing this, of course, except for their

own parents, their own family? well, probably not, because their own family didn't have a problem with their children being tormented in some way, and they, they did what most teenagers do, it's normal, that is, it's normal, how do you think it's normal, to succumb to constant bullying for 5.5 years, in order to then get around such, let's say, social bullying, no, it's normal when teenagers. norms, if this happens, and it happens with a certain purity, then we should just bully each other, just, well, let's well, you as a doctor will define the concept to understand that statistically this is closer to the norm than the opposite, well if we mean from a physiological point of view at the stage of growing up, when teenagers are dominated by the production of their primary sex hormones, which also change behavior, including testosterone in boys, well, you know, maybe.

and many other things, but the key work will still be for each teenager to not put themselves in this position when we talk about your social deprivation, then... we have reason

to fantasize about your unexpressed aggression, as towards your mother, you said the phrase very beautifully, i hate, and if here on how i would hate her, i would put a period like this, but you said there: i hate her qualities, yes, it is beautiful, but for me, for example, a person with a psychoanalytic foundation in this sense, well, i kind of heard the intonation, and i heard where you actually put a period, look here, because here is the question, inside you not hatred, anger, aggression, rage could not mature, yes, when i was in a state of, let's say, let's say, such a psycho-emotional breakdown, then i splashed out on my mother, that i supposedly hate her, despise her, because because of her i became a tied bunny, all around there are wolves and a leaf, who are trying to devour me, yeah, because she tells you this story, that's exactly it. that's why i'm saying, what

will happen when you find out that your mother made up this fairy tale, and there are no evil ones, most likely i will start blaming myself for this in the mistakes of being 22 years old, of giving in to my mother's nonsense, what is the value of your sense of guilt, the value is that i simply listened to my mother's nonsense at the stage of growing up, what is valuable is the past, you want to understand the future, don't you, well of course, your sense of guilt is like a screwdriver with which you try to pick out the mistakes, the educational mistakes of your mother, how will your mother react to this, if suddenly she really came up with all this, i will find out about it, she in a latent hidden form spoiled all this from me for example, the best intentions, and at the same time you also could not act differently, she was afraid that you would be beaten, she was afraid that you would beat her, she was afraid that you would face anger, you know, mom was right, let's go back. how - women created a world

of aggressive men, i don't know this, to be honest, but i will say, and any woman , a female gorilla or homo sapiens, chooses. and to tame with love, affection, to make him very gentle, to make him very caring, to make him very, as you say, independent, such a thing arises dichotomy in messages, on the one hand, she, like any woman, is not talking about your mother at all, she wants the child to be, as

it were, strong, able to stand up for himself, a boy, yes, i mean, so she chooses such a male who will give such a strong offspring, and then suddenly she a boy was born, she with accordingly mother at that moment begins to undermine. his male part, it would be difficult for her to raise you, if such a follic primate walked around the apartment, who would behave, you have me, yes, if, who would would behave aggressively, it is difficult to try on this role, very, very difficult, of course, because he would not wash, he would stink, he would throw things around, he would declare his desires, because that is how a male gorilla should behave, he generally behaves like that, look, it turns out that he is untied, well, at least. i kind of taught myself this, so as never to teach myself to be so untied, i even always feel shy when, for example, my friends invite me, let's say, exactly somewhere to a cafe, i have for some reason, i don’t know, probably, again because of my getting used to it , social embarrassment about

having lunch with her, although at least i don’t doubt myself, that is , you know how to hold a spoon and knife, well, of course, i don’t doubt it, well , so accordingly, i, you know, what i would recommend to you, first of all, you live in moscow, you have the opportunity to go to the moscow zoo, in the moscow zoo there is a wonderful goril enclosure. the second thing i would recommend to you, i would recommend to you read the book, you will be interested, it is called sex power in primates, it is a good book, such a scientific book, which describes the life of two families and chimpanzees, for 35 years in two different zoos of the world, here are two groups of scientists observed them, how they themselves...

moment i argued, for example, there or there was a misunderstanding with mom, i open their analyzes, i begin to decipher them, turn on clinical thinking, and it suppresses me a little, calms me down, yes, and if, for example, there is none of this, then i have to take my medicine, which leads to drowsiness, and after that, for example, it even happens that i can sleep for some time, but at least, well, i don’t have just one mother, at least in life, i have my very dear, very, very good friend, she is... married, though i have many years of experience, and i wanted to marry her after graduating from university, but now she has met another person in her life, when we recently met together in st. petersburg, i, to be honest, was again afraid of meeting my boyfriend, i thought that he would start to object, somehow hinder her communication

with me, but it was not so, he liked me and became interesting to him, and here i kind of realized that i was starting to surpass my...

i hold on exactly, but you have the same right as in childhood. enough to say, now we are building a relationship with you, as an adult, an adult, for some reason i did not think about it, that i keep myself in lonely halls mom, it is always mutual, of course, manipulation cannot occur if you let go of the rope through which you are manipulated, it, you hold on one side, it on the other side, it tugs you, you tug it, this is generally a mutually beneficial game such a transactional memory of vyacheslav dobrynina.

dear viewers, you are watching the podcast triggers with you, its host tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan, we are talking with

our guest maren davtyan about the role of the father figure in raising a child and his emotional maturation, when you go to the store, well, you you have to go to the store, buy bread, let's say, here's how you do it, how difficult is it for you, when i, for example, stand in line, for some reason i start shaking, shaking in the sense that if i now go into...

well, he once said very well that any symptom has the potential to heal the disease itself, that is, when we have a symptom, inside this symptom there is a decoding for healing the disease, insofar as your suppressed aggression is almost always effective, and insofar as you suppress it, it pulls out the tail of this uncertainty, then at this moment it is important that you learn to see. just the primary emotion, and it is important to transfer it from an unconscious affect into

a conscious element, imagine it in any form, whatever it may seem to you, here is how you would describe your aggression to us? first of all, if not to express it in medical terminology, yes , try to avoid it, you are for aggression in me, for example, if in the presence of my mother, then she is very often impulsive, this is understandable, as in ... here try to tell me her specifically describe what it is like, color, size, shape, temperature, that is, i understand that if my mother doesn’t move away from me now, then i will start yelling at her even more, splashing out my anger.

okay, close your eyes and imagine a very important thing, your mother is standing behind you, feel the tension in your shoulders, but i feel embarrassed that as if someone is standing behind me in line trying to push me so that i pass faster, but there she is, my mother, standing there, well, so that i pass faster or, in some cases, my mother, so that i pass faster now shut up, i apologize, i feel something like this right now, for example, just feel this aggression right now.

i would come back and say something like, get off me, please, i'm not talking to you right now, you're really bothering me, now say it with the emotion of your anger, right these words, only with emotion, well, get off me, please, you're not alone here, and i 'm not alone here either, so please stop giving me an inferiority complex, at least in front of people, this is my life, really, this is the most important thing to say is that this is my life, and i will learn to cope with it myself, and so... it's just that you know this kind of experiment, for example, if you conduct it with your mother, then in that case it is not scary to me compared to other people, because i don't have any corresponding fears towards my mother, because i understand that my mother will not do anything so bad to me, except that she will only further provoke me to strengthen

my undesirable state, and i understand this position, that i cannot in this help yourself, if i... for you, but at the same time she just didn’t notice how she made you, well, conditionally unadapted to socialization, all you can do now is doing this exercise, little by little, on the contrary, try to contact more people as much as possible, but there is a very important point, here you go to a person, you need to ask him something, yes, well, just do it today, and you understand that your mother’s voice tells you

that this person looks, well, i don’t know, would you come up to me on the street, given that the fact that you are a famous person, no, no, an unknown person, here i am like... i am, here i am bald with a beard, well, considering the fact that you are a punctual and reliable person, i would approach you if we met, for example, how did you understand that i am punctual and reliable, by your appearance, by your character, it is clear that you have many years of experience, the fact that you are a person who works directly with people, with their problems, why do they always call me bandits to play in films, i wonder, it turns out that i am punctual and reliable, that is, if you don’t know anything about him, if he is a stranger on the street, you would approach him if there was a need, how to get there , which is now, i would not ask, for example, some, let’s say, young girls who have come along, who would answer me something without using normative swearing, but i would approach, for example, well, to sergei, okay, you would approach me, great, in your head

there is some kind of functionality of a mother who, for example, tells you, don’t approach him, he bald, let's say, bald is dangerous. don't talk to bearded people, let's say, here's your task, as soon as you hear this, really, don't be shy at this moment to tell your mother inside yourself, thank you, mother, i myself, that's it, that's all you need to do, this is such a mantra that will help you to take a small step forward, even if you don't come up and don't say anything, but it's important for you to hear this voice and answer it like i told you, and so you will gradually overcome your deprivation, as if, well, i could tell you when it needs to be thrown away, when you need to build your own, but it seems to me that now is the time to start doing it, 22 is a great age to start doing it, especially since you have chosen a wonderful

profession in which you will have to be useful and have a lot of contact with people, well , and besides this, it also seems important to me that mom, not wishing you evil and the best intentions, naturally, she endowed strangers with some additional meanings and colors, that ... for example, bald, dangerous, trying to somehow adapt and prepare you, protect you, but you took it and you are saying this, in fact, your task is to remove all these markers and treat them neutrally, because it is clear that you have very high expectations in relation to how people will react, which is generally normal and great when people respond very favorably, always ready for an example, here is tatyana, i heard yours, so to speak. i would like to add by the way that against the background of, let's say, maybe, i don't know, maybe i made it up myself, maybe it really manifests itself in me socially

deprivation, because psychology is a very complex science, it is very difficult to understand here, yes, but i will say this, i will say this, that because of this, many of my colleagues, peers, they already have relationships, some are already married, i also want to find a companion, but for some reason i am very afraid to meet everyone, because i am afraid that again i will find myself in the field of view of hatred, because in order to create relationships, you need to enter the field of vulnerability, and this is what you are trying to avoid, there are a lot of meanings, fears, but without this it won’t happen, and being vulnerable is normal, this is generally psychology, you know, then provoke yourself, because why provoke you in this sense, that is, your task is simply to find for yourself... here’s how you look now, how you speak, how you sound, how you move, how you live, all this is the image that your mother saw, not you,

imagine how you would like to be the head of the family, a husband, a father, how you would look, just imagine this, and you need to go to that image that you needed, that's all, you just need to stop confirming that your mother is right, that you are so... you are different, you can be evil, kind, sensitive, callous, whatever, in general you just need to take it as a rule for yourself that now you are neutral, you can choose any qualities and manifestations that will be interesting to you, and you have an absolute right to be very different, well, it was an interesting conversation, and today, as part of our podcast triggers, we talked with moren about the fact that mom is almost always right. is this good here is a question. this was the lab triggers podcast with you were its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan.

welcome. you are watching precious stories. my name is ekaterina varkan. rumors that the slavs. are famous only for victories in horse racing fist fights are greatly exaggerated at all times and in different layers of society very attractive board intellectual games were widespread, such as chess, checkers, trinkets, but naturally cards, today the card game bridge is recognized as a sport, and competitions of various class level, that's how to figure all this out for... hello ekaterina, look, our cards are everything, yes, and fate, and life, and money, a set of liqueurs, and a dueling

pistol, and all this, where did it come from, cards, in fact, are multicultural inventions, if you believe all these semi-legendary, let's say, motives, yes, then they arose from ancient egypt, these are the so -called tarot cards. then they spread all over the world, accordingly there were several options: a french deck, italian, german, like these little sheets of paper that contained some secret knowledge, reached our time, and of course, they could not bypass our homeland, there is such a legend too, i heard that the cards did not come from egypt, from persia, from china, here we have persian cards, very beautiful, they...

these are english, perhaps they could have been dutch, and the cards most likely came from western europe, they came to us through the northern sea route, but philologists have proven that card suits, card terms, they are of czech origin, and accordingly, the question arises here, yes, how the czech republic, which was part of the austrian empire, how did the cards come about, there is...

for some reason, this is the first mention, serious, right, or will you correct me? yes, i will correct, because historians always correct everyone, yes, the first mentions of cards are criminal cases, for example, the russian ambassadors who were in germany, there they wrote denunciations of each other, and there was just such a mention that one of these people interfered in a card game that was being played by german nobles, well, and they respectively.

fates, well, as for alexei mikhailovich, we know that under mikhail , cards were bought for the amusement of little alexei mikhailovich, we find them in the inventory of the kolomensky palace, 1677, where it is written that there are, in my opinion, 12 dozen, seven games, rotten cards, that is, what does this mean, seven games, seven decks from a dozen they pulled out four pieces, and apparently they played with them, here ... the history of cards, when someone was caught or something, but we know that our rulers also issued many decrees to prohibit card games, and peter too, each of his followers was noted for various decrees, which, starting with alexei mikhailovich, the famous cathedral

code, yes, where... it was prescribed to treat dice players like thieves, that is, thieves, they cut their fingers, ears, tore out their noses, in fact, this is not so, that is , they did not punish for the game itself, they punished if the player, in order to get money for the game, was engaged in humbug, theft, took off hats, where, as a rule, money was hidden, then there was already a punishment, only pure gamblers were beaten batagami and naturally cards. burned, and the subsequent rulers peter ii is waging the northern war, he issued a decree in 177, where it was forbidden to play cards, dice, use soldered and drawn gold and silver in view of the war being waged, because the appropriate resources were needed, and accordingly, the naval charter, the military service charter, this was also prohibited there, and

the punishment was... we'll look further, here is anna ianovna, yes, anna ianovna, in 1733, she already issues a separate decree, where it is said that this is a god-merited game, contrary to god, it should be banned, although it was precisely at the court of anna ivanovna that cards began to enter everyday life, beron, who was a great lover of luxury, contributed to this in no small measure into the everyday life of the russian court, therefore... on the one hand, as often happens, the state prohibits with one hand, and, so to speak, allows with the other hand, at least for itself. i cannot help but say about elizabeth petrovna, because in 1761 she

essentially allowed gambling card games, by decree she divided them into commercial games, allowed to play commercial games it is necessary to know the rules, that is, this is the so -called.

got acquainted with the officers, who in general mother to buy the estate, here in fact put him in the condition that it is necessary to pay off debts, and he resorted to cheating techniques,

but still played unhappily, yes here are the famous verses of his repentance, yes, that in the luxury of entertainment i spoiled my already blameless character, spoiled, corrupted, in the darkness of the skarets fell, the gambler mod by weight found himself. to consume, yes, i ruined him with a vicious life, instead of using his talent to his advantage , he wrote about it, then he was able to get out of it, he settled down considerably, let's say, yes, he settled down considerably, that is, when he went up the hill, so to speak, he avoided punishment, he became , in general, a person to whom they often resorted as an arbitrator, in general, in his house they noted such sufficient stinginess. then he already plays only commercial games, well, for example, the same whist, yes, well, and on duty, of course, in the imperial entourage, it was necessary to play, it was necessary, we have a wonderful portfolio, gavriil romanovich, that is, who, having become catherine's secretary,

here it is, went with it to her for reports , the portfolio was filled with various papers, that is, which needed to be reported to the empress, but in my pods the portfolio was called a purse, i have...

the fifth chapter of evgeny anegina was put as a bet, but not it, of course, but the fee, they paid alexander sergeevich, very well, 25 rubles in banknotes per line, but... nevertheless, luck was on his side, and he not only won, yes, but actually speaking, so to speak, remained in the plus, but when the fifth chapter was 25 rubles, we had not yet paid, yes, perhaps, yes, well, after all , alexander sergeevich was a poet, a professional, after the captain's daughter, it seems, he said that it turns out that you can feed your belly with your own pen, well, but the cards were not.

that cossacks wrote under the card debt, and was also a big fan of card games, especially in his youth, when i read the complete collection of his works diaries, and we can say that tolstoy was the first blogger, yes, he was 18 years kept a diary, and a diary is kept so that someone will read it, i was of course very surprised by his relationships with women, his relationship with the game, and how he constantly fought, how he constantly... overcame, how he found time to write,

to develop this talent in himself, this mastery was in him right up until his, so to speak, departure from life, and of course, in his youth, when he was in moscow, he played almost constantly, corresponded with his aunt ergolskaya, confessed to her that again he could not restrain his mountain passion, and then he himself exiled himself to the caucasus, it’s the same in the caucasus, that is, it’s just... even more, even more, yes, suddenly the crimean war happened, where he already wanted to retire, it turns out, in sevastopol, imagine, yes, sevastopol, shelling, he has money to start a magazine, money that he got from selling an old house in yasnaya polyana, and he loses this money, yes, that is, such a situation, well, and the last loss was, in my opinion, 1862, when he was abroad. so he had to borrow money from turgenev, so that

to return, and after that, like that, she cut it off, that's when he introduced kotkov, these cossacks, that he would present the manuscript, took the money to pay off the card debt, and of course his literary heroes, they also generally all play cards, well, this is a sign of secular rules of upbringing, it would be strange. if literary heroes did not play cards, we would be very surprised. by the way, he told me about pravna vladimirovichta that in their family, vint is a card game, well, this is for our information, but we have another one the player is remarkable, dostoevsky, fyodor mikhailovich was not a wealthy man, unlike lev nikolayevich, so for him this idea of ​​a million, this idea of ​​freedom, that is why his interest in roulette. this interest in the opportunity to improve his

material affairs, which were quite bad, and of course, it is like for a creative person, an opportunity to test fate. his famous letters to kanni snitkina, where he generally describes the situation that i was given so many florins, and i lost everything, this is an endless series, that is, contemporaries would call fyodor mikhailovich very toxic. there is simply no theme, you have to trust the case,

well, and somehow not get excited, but it was very difficult to do this, but we also have ivan andreevich krylov, who is also an absolutely wonderful player, the most famous, and just as romanovin said, he was not a very wealthy man in his youth and simply earned a living by playing cards, he apparently played very well, and he was a visitor ...

when he met chernyshevsky, he frankly told him that i play gambling, not i can do nothing about it, i'm lucky in commercial games, if i only played them, then i would always be in the black, but i'm drawn to gambling, so i leave, let's say, 20,000 rubles for gambling, as if it were someone else's money, then accordingly i bet it, if i lose, then as if it were money not from...

well, about billiards, to be honest, i can't say anything, but i remember that nikolai vasilyevich had, here is a section of such a bow, where card terms were written, because here are the players - this is a play where there is not a single woman, only men, it is entirely devoted to

card gambling, and for the modern reader it should be read with a subtitle, because not everything is clear there, i really love prince pyotr andreyevich vyazevsky. he has all the examples of life cases, in his youth he lost half a million, that is, it is not known in banknotes or silver, at the age of 14 his dad sent him from moscow to st. petersburg to study, and there he leads an independent life, goes, that is, to balls, visits all sorts of dubious establishments, plays cards, but then at the insistence of relatives from st. petersburg, as far as i understand myself, he was taken from there from st. petersburg.

in general, a person who left a lot of evidence about the card game, saying that the card game is our touchstone and measure of morality, and even human qualities, here is a literary anecdote that prince

b, yes, he died, and i already, he says, noticed some kind of disorder in his body, that you noticed something on business in the presence, no, he ... a wealthy young man. mikhail yuryevich lermontov, of course, here it is very unfortunate that not

he finished his story that, therefore here, but he wrote a masquerade, because the treasurer is still brilliant, masquerade kozarin, just here is the philosophy of the game, where here he directly admits, yes, that no voltaire or descartes interpret, the world for me is a deck of cards. the princess became a countess, this marriage was dissolved, alexander i, invited her to dance called countess, well really, as

in the same lermontov's work tambov treasurer, when everything is already lost, to put already already to lose already a wife, therefore here yes, some here meanings - in this work, apparently, there are some headlines, but we also have a more so to speak, such a tragic story, although also very romantic, connected with alexander alexandrovich alyabiev, a composer, a misfortune of this kind happened to him in the twenty-fifth year, well, they were playing cards, so someone cheated the cards, it seemed, they fought, well, the usual thing, in general at the table, but a few days later, the man died, and alyabiev was accused, well, suspected of the fact that this is connected with this ...

there are plenty of free cameras, you look precious stories about card games and famous players. we know that cards are always a duel, in general, always a duel, there are many stories connected with cards, these were shot individually, they were shot in pairs, according to the results of card games, the most common dueling pistols, lipazh kuheleytor, this is, in my opinion, kuhereytor for us, right? cards also imply rules for us, some accessories, we all know card tables, yes, that means, here is one of

them played on red cloth on burgundy cloth, but here is also money, chips, we have there are also beautiful chests with chips, these are also accessories so that the money does not flash, yes, so that yes, to replace these stacks of banknotes of gold coins. to which he agrees again.