in a variety of psychological practices it is recommended to speak from the i position, yeah, i know, let's try, yes, even, it turns out that our heroine, she kind of came from this rule at all, let 's try to play out this situation retrospectively now talk to dasha, from this i position, well, to say, even, i often have to wait a very... long time in line to go to the bathroom, i usually wash in the evenings, sometimes i have to, for example , go to bed later because of this and then not get enough sleep, no, she doesn't even hear this at all, no, that won't work, the next option, although it seems to me that it has already gotten better, yes, well, tell me about what you feel, dasha, i often have to wait a very long time in line for the bathroom, sometimes it bothers me, because it ruins my plans, when i wait a very long time, i can be late somewhere or...

in a row, olga gave you a hint-hint, anya, about myself, i say, i would not like to wait a long time, but feelings, i would not want to, and what do you feel, well , i feel irritated if i am late somewhere, i have to be late because of that i am irritated, what other feeling, well, mainly irritated, that or let's say i need to wash my face, wash my hands, and i...

can't do it, because there, besides irritation, well, what could it be , some other feelings, well, for example, resentment, bitterness, well, it seems to me, resentments are resentments and disappointments - this is something more personal, that is, if i had some kind of relationship with her, then it would be resentment, since well, we didn't communicate with her, i rather perceived her simply as a hindrance already at the end, that is, i wanted to be friends with her, i i really wanted to be friends with her, i made steps to get closer, she didn’t want to and this also offended me. to be friends with her, and she dared not to be friends with me, no, well, not exactly like that, you think exactly like that, as if i have some kind of very, very oppressive position, that is , if you, for example, simply said, dash, listen, i feel right now that if you don’t go out right now, then i’ll definitely be late for work, i’ll go there with unwashed hair, dash, well, what’s going on with you, everything ’s fine with you, maybe you’ll go out, everything that happens outside, these are actually conflicts inside, as soon as awareness of what is happening comes inside, as if

such people from your field will disappear, others will begin to appear, you will no longer need to fight with anything, that this is a struggle within itself, this is called an internal conflict, why a conflict, because at the same time i say that i am a kind person, i do not want to be angry and i am faced with the fact that i am angry, this is i do not want to be angry, i am angry, i do not want to be angry, i am angry, and this is a conflict inside me, this is struggle, and struggle, it's simple, you're not because you're guilty of something, it's just your psyche in childhood. i wrote down that this is a survival strategy, mom and dad did it, they survived, but you survived too, an excellent strategy for survival, but in fact, you're an adult, and you see that people can communicate differently, and you, therefore, have the opportunity to choose, and how would i like to communicate, that is, if i don't want to, then how would i want to answer myself the question, because from what you're telling me, i didn't hear, for example, what you would say, i would wanted in... life to be like this,

like this, like this, you often say, i don't want it to be like this, i don't want it to be like this, yes, this is a different position, it seems to be the same thing, but in a different way. well, friends, our heroine, anya, it seems to me, has a lot to think about, it seems to me that the conversation was useful, yes, although you did not always agree with our wonderful psychologist, olga gelman, who immediately, practically from the first minutes of our conversation, understood what the reason was. found the root of this communication flaw, but to me it seems that everything is fixable, you will think, reason, and maybe your ability to say no, which you actually have, will become softer and less traumatic for you. yeah, yeah, thank you, there really is something to think about, some things surprised me, this is generally a very unusual point of view, i will think about it. friends, this was a podcast

about psyches, in which we discussed how to say no correctly, because sometimes it seems to us that you can only say no aggressively and furiously, well, always, if you want to take part in our program, fill out the form on the website 1tv.ru, i am larisa guzeeva, this is let's get married, good afternoon, today the grooms are anatoly, mikhail and evgeny, and our bride is tatyana, 40 years old, for 11 years. her husband convinced her that she is an ugly woman, a bad mother and a disgusting housewife, so she needed a divorce for therapeutic purposes. tatyana is the owner of a spray tanning studio, lives in st. petersburg, rides a motorcycle in the summer, and snowboards in the winter. tatyana will refuse a gentleman who is too

dresses well, but drives poorly, has a habit of raising her voice. her ideal is a sporty, tactile irudite with whom you can indulge in spontaneous passion, discuss gossip, laugh and talk. about the sublime, hello, glad to see you, hello, looks beautiful, an impressive woman, a life position, well, first of all, it’s very strange, even, that somehow it turned out that she broke up with her man, why didn’t he appreciate her, your ex, apparently, was a lousy specialist in cultivating complexes, maybe not the right methods and techniques, so to speak? tell me which ones, you know, it seems to me that i close all possible options, as a woman, i'm a good mother, i'm a good housewife, i'm a good lover, you see, so he didn't raise anything like that in you, because if he had given you a complex, you

would have been walking around with a sakbenna until the end of your life, seriously, well, i don't know, apparently that wasn't enough for him, he wanted to chain me up at home and... put me in jail tolya, how do you like the bride, she has a really cool chain, really fashionable, and what he didn't like you specifically, what irritated him was probably my clear position in life, well, firstly, he started to persuade you not to return to work after maternity leave, yes, that's right, he was generous, i had to explain why i needed these panties or these tights, but it's terrible, yes, not very, of course, on his part, because it's... a desire to limit a person and i don't understand this, yes, well, look, then he started to dislike everything, you cook wrong, you serve breakfast wrong, yes, you look wrong, you've gotten fat, well, yes, but you we tried to meet his requirements, and we dyed our hair, cut our hair and

tried, i tried, but everything was still wrong, and by the way, we have photos of how you changed for him. well, not bad, you dyed your hair black for him, in general, she looks good in black, yes, i like her as a brunette, in general, the sign is not bad, but the only thing is that her look is very tortured, it is obvious that i am being tyrannized at home, but i tried to change something, so that something would change in the relationship, and so that you dyed your hair back, well i am who i am, and he slowly and surely smeared you or aggressively and so precisely, slowly, surely, i read about it later in smart books, it's called abuse, it's called gaslighting and a lot of smart words. and were your parents aware of what was going on in your personal life? well, my mom and dad have been living a happy life together for almost 50 years, and my mom has always

been for the family, and so that well, let it be a little bit patient, that is, she is like that, that is, she is not the person who said, leave, but did you want to hear this from her? yes, he simply drove the person into a corner and took away all her opportunities for any kind of development, and simply got her hooked on the fact that he provided for her, she was simply afraid to leave him, because she had nowhere to go. when he forbade your parents to go to your toilet, and they were only allowed to go to the guest room, you also kept silent and said, well, so as not to spread the infection, for me it was wild, but i understood that we ... the wife is one satan, for some reason it seemed to me that it would be right, to adhere to his point of view, although it was wrong, i understand you, yes, no, i understand you, listen, i have zero condemnation towards you, zero, why did you tolerate it, i understand, and my mother said, well, what better will you find, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t beat, but,

well, and so on, mothers, you know, know how - so to speak, to keep for their own convenience in your marriage, well, she doesn’t look like a poor lamb at all, it’s just that when i read it. i thought she would come home so downtrodden, no, well, look, he didn’t want a nanny, yes, to be with the child, under no circumstances, she spoke herself brings up, yeah, you can, come on, why do you need a kindergarten yourself? to enter into a relationship with a woman who has a child, there is a big, not a problem, but just a big point about the fact that having become friends with a child and having a fight later, for example, with this lady, it will be very hard to lose a friend, and what happened to you, went to a psychologist, i don’t know, read a lot of smart articles, i just felt very bad, physically and... thank god i have a doctor friend, i turned to him, i went to his department, he completely

scanned, checked everything, took all the tests, he says, you're healthy, but i just have a temperature, well, i have everything there, i'm even scared to tell what happened, i was just dying out of nowhere, my dear, and how did this conversation happen, in general, what should have happened between you, so that you could see the light and say: no, i don't want to live like this anymore, but i didn't say anything. at some point, i gathered the most necessary things, took my baby and left home, he wasn't looking for you, but he knew, he put a beacon on me phone, and how he didn't stalk you later, didn't try to come back, and why stalk me, he saw where i was, he understands perfectly well that i'm at my parents' dacha, usually abusers don't behave like that, they won't stay until they bring you to the grave, roughly speaking, they feed you like velcro.

and why? i don't know, it seemed to me that you have a joint, you have a whole house, well at least it's good if you're so proud, not for yourself, for the child, he's getting married now, will have more children, and your cookies, this is for yourself, i realized that if i start all this, to develop, to share, i'm just so, well it will be hard for me morally, sometimes it's so annoying that i want to say, choke on it, live, on all this, just forget forever, i don't want to. not to hear, not to see, even i just put my hair back, both are to blame, yes, therefore one,

because he used it, the second, because he allowed it to be used or anyway, somehow, one way or another, both are to blame, a lot of contradictions, i don't really, if larisa understands you, i don't really understand you, you are somehow very contradictory, it means you don't have a home, that is, you don't have a devotee, yes, well parental only if this, well this, but at the same time you have.

the picture of the ninth wave or mozart's reque, to know the picture of the last day of popia or

ancient greek history. i saw the picture of the last day of pompeii, i can't imagine this image now, how it looks specifically, but i 100% saw it. in general, in short, larisa, let's summarize, then, our tanechka is looking for a bunch of different men, it seems that tatyana is looking for all in one bottle all men, and a lover, and a husband, and a pleasant conversationalist. delsonchik, maybe you will somehow argue or somehow enter into dialogue, but in general in china, for example, applications with artificial intelligence are gaining popularity, which are just at...

let's go, anatoly, 45, owner of a company that automates folding accounting, works part-time as a fitness trainer and makeup artist, travels by car around russia, attends music festivals, cooks steaks first-class and eats potatoes in any form, dreams of touching a baabab in madagascar, buying a bike, is proud that he has a granddaughter, admits that... uses the services of cosmetologists, they warn that he has a high libido. anatoly couldn't cope with his innate savior syndrome, he accidentally slept with his wife's friend, and hoped that tatyana would be able to understand him. well, i don't know, anatoly, hello, well, rosa and i have great sympathy for your illness, we've

seen so many sick people over the 16 years of the program, you know, yes. and did your wife know about this savior syndrome of yours? did she know, it's important to understand whether he drew any conclusions from this or not, will he continue to do this or not? well, and how did she know you, you probably needed to be saved yourself at that time was? well, i didn't need saving, you understand that the savior syndrome is not because you need to be saved, it grows from underestimation in childhood, are you talking about your... unfortunate woman, whom you had to save or about yourself, now it's about yourself, and what did you have to save her from, your wife, no, your wife's friend, that's the disagreements of family life, of course, that's how it's treated, apparently, excuse me, yeah, well, and the wife, when

she found out that you were such a helper outside the home, well, there was a detective story there, because... it turns out he cheated on us with his wife's friend, but of course this is not a great feat. anastasia, why are you looking at anatoly with such loving eyes? thank you, thank you for the compliment, yes, but i am in a civil marriage, yes please, and anastasia, what kind of friend is that, you are not jealous, no, i do not have such an option, you are indifferent, that i believe that if a person is self-sufficient, he, well, if

another makes a choice, i apologize, well, i understand, well, psychologists have already worked. before this, you had two other spouses who for some reason left you, why is that? listen, well, the first once i got married when i was still very young, i was a little over 20 there, yeah, that's why everything started so quickly, ended so quickly, well, you had a baby, a baby was born, well, that means you weren't that little, well, at your age, yeah. the second, the second marriage was much later, also had a baby, well, but there was a story very similar to tanya's, in terms of financial control, that is, only my wife controlled all my expenses, well, that's normal, no, in no case, to me it seems that it shouldn't be like this, in principle there shouldn't be any control, because we behave absolutely financially, illiterately

within the family, well, women are afraid, it seems to me, to talk. no need for all women to be afraid, and you are afraid to talk, because so that a man doesn't think badly of you, let mercantilism count, purely outwardly they will look quite harmonious, and in terms of communication there will already be questions, how are you tatyana, 40 years old with a child, how old is the child, 13, 13 years old, i have. the middle son is also 13, so you have a granddaughter who is one and a half years old, and do you still want children? at the moment i have enough time, it turns out that anatoly already has a granddaughter, yes mm, i wonder how she will accept you? our bride this news, first of all i have a question, so you have a business, okay, i won’t ask what kind, and at the same time you have a part-time job for the soul, like

a fitness trainer, and you also work as a makeup artist, right, so what did you do on your face, what did you inject, where is the botox, you also use it, and i have botox done, fillers were done, yeah, cheeks were done, nasolabial folds were lined, huh? it's clear, anatoly filler and botox, very, very unexpectedly, even, i thought that i was the only one with thoughts of aa at some mature age to do a circular facelift, but he's a good guy, he takes care of himself, well, let's go to the medellon, let's now ask this question for erudition, otherwise we're all from everyday life, let's anatoly, here's such a simple , very easy question, this plant is often called an inverted tree, due to the fact that... well, there may be options, well, okay,

let it be baubab, well, you just used larisa's hint, and you did the right thing, that's right, of course, you wanted to hug baub, naturally the question was about him, show the surprise, let's go , let's rise, night? a very young grandfather, who, judging by his appearance, is a fairly modern grandfather, i need to dance, of course,

thank you very much, thank you anatoly, take your girlfriend and go into the room, she has a very pretty figure, i don't know what she didn't like, what her man was unhappy with, i just can't imagine. tatyana, what you will say, i have mixed feelings, fillers, what, what else did he have in the injection,

botox, botox, very strange, well and cheating for me is, well no, very comfortable questions, very comfortable communication, a cheerful bride, i liked it, they dance well, by the way, meet the second groom, come in. tatyana, my name is mikhail, this is for your mood, and i ... extremely rarely being on vacation at the sea, but your self-tanner will only be for us, probably for both of us, only for the benefit, thank

you very much, mikhail 47 years old, manager construction company, lives in moscow, is proud of his business success, dreams of reaching a new level of income, admits that... he does not consider it necessary to waste time on vacation. obsessed with earning money, they warn that mikhail decided to break off relations with his wife when she allowed him to lie on the couch, look at his phone for hours, drink alcohol, hope that he won’t fool around with tatyana. i’m glad about today’s program, thank you for that, thank you, well done, he came with flowers, well done. nobody told me that i should something to come, i can just imagine how many calls there will be, just a flurry, probably, after this program with a request

to give. it was interesting, well, a girl, a woman, a wife, she should always inspire, she should never, so give us a master class, here's how you can inspire you, tell me, even elementary, if you have some important negotiations at your work the next day, an important meeting, and you doubt how they will go, it is enough that in the morning you were seen off with a warm kiss and said, darling, you will succeed, go, at 37 years old, where is she

you should have been seen off with these words, at pre-retirement age, of course, it's at 15 that your mother says: don't be afraid, son, you'll get everything, you'll pass this damned algebra, damn it. if a woman doesn't motivate you to do anything, then damn it, well, it leads to degradation, and you just roll down and stop wanting anything. why did you refuse everything in common during your marriage, yours should be yours, hers, hers. this is my third marriage. in the first two marriages i just got burned, larisa, i just got burned, and i already the third time, well, as if i didn't want to, it was just painful for me in the first two marriages, in fact, to part with some property, for which, well, for which you spent time, and you agreed on the shore that mine is mine, yours is yours, yes, yes, it was easier for us that way, a marriage contract, no, there was no marriage contract, just an agreement in words, that's all, well, he's just a tightwad, probably offended, his property, like a mouth at his suitcase

and... on the female sex and now he's taking it out on her, taking it out and what then can he give her how many children do you have mikhail and i have three daughters from my first marriage, a daughter from my second marriage, two daughters, all beautiful, you communicate, yes, good relations, yes , well, actually, he’s like, no, children are not about him , he himself says that you don’t want more children , i would honestly say, well, i’ll admit that this is probably not my thing, she ’s very active, she does everything, she does a lot of different things, so perhaps for him this is just the kind of person who will kick him, mendelssohn, i forgot, our bride, it’s necessary that erudite, that is, he was smart, well , ask him about this intelligence test, i won't answer right away, who wrote the ninth wave and something else, you, i'm talking about it there, okay

, keep quiet, justify. well, even children know that the ninth wave is legmontov, but what can you do, mikhail, this is a program, where to get married, dear experts in family relations, attention, a question, the decree of catherine i at one time forbade doing this during fistfights, the rule turned into a proverb, what kind of proverb is this? are there any hints? i need a hint, i need it! let me tell you right away i will tell you the answer, our game is more loyal than that of never, it was forbidden to throw dust in the eyes, at fist fights they very often threw sand in the eyes of opponents, in our program this is also not recommended, well done, the bride set the bar, she herself does not meet it, i would never

have guessed in my life not ... mikhail would have answered, and show a surprise, with pleasure, by the way, i have no idea what the ninth point wrote, it's good that the request was asked, that you are sitting so calmly, we have the opening of a new legislative assembly, why do i need this alone, what to do, well, nothing, nothing, we don't have time, you see, there's a line of those getting elected, which is on the ship of hope...

to live, so i'll go, i'll hold back the onslaught of these lovers, because well, they'll destroy, i'll destroy everything, so your task is this is beautiful. i'm running, check, don't worry, i'll check, you're on time, and what word, i'm from the very beginning, yeah, so 5 seconds, i wonder what the words are, what the letters are, words, words, probably, let's get married, naturally, maybe, let's get married, definitely or something like that that, it doesn't stick, it should be on the back, oh, that's it, how cool, and i love balloons, well here's your

favorite surprise, a surprise for you, i'll tell you, really, verb, come on, fell apart, what beauty, you can't get enough of it, well look, how romantic, very, really, i can't, i love balloons, really, yeah, i'm strange, i know, no you're not strange, somehow i would burst into tears in your place, and you... line maybe take balloons at all well and what do you say about the groom? how do you like mikhail? he's amazing, he's not embarrassed by the presence of children, nor no, you see, when you like a man, close your eyes to absolutely everything, and how can children interfere? this is the most sacred thing in

life, well, and three marriages, the fact that he will not sign with you, why? how why? because he does not want to share anything more, i am ready to sign. hello, tatyana, my name is evgeniy, open all the windows, i am not just stuffy, i am magnanimous,

let's go, very nice, evgeniy 37 years old, owner of a tennis academy, is interested in etymology, rides a vekboard. admits that he is a stuffy guy, a tyrant and a despot, warns that he does not eat meat, sugar has not sworn for six months. evgeniy forgave his beloved a lot, but he could not come to terms with the habit of interrupting the interlocutor. he hopes that tatyana knows how to listen. what unusual hobby do you have, hello, eternal interesting moment dissertation on what topic does he write it on the topic of strangulation on the topic of tyranny and despotism, what offenses

did you forgive your chosen one for the sake of love? in some moments, so to speak, this is an unshaven appearance, and what about the fact that she interrupted you all the time, tell me, i don't listen, i don't really care about interruptions when it's about... idle talk, just some discussions of some movie, but when it's a discussion, when you explain again, for example, tell the etymology of some words and in the course of this conversation you get closer to something important, that is, you talk about it and you are interrupted with phrases like when do you have training tomorrow? well, since she kind of jumped to another topic, zhenya, well, it's just not interesting, really, you can say this, i won't be offended, you would be offended, offended by the fact that... interrupting is not respect, i just see that tatyana doesn't have, oh there's no response in her eyes, she just looks and even without interest, without any, and

what happened with the apartment, with the apartment, it was my first wife, i got married at well , the first, the only one that was, i got married at 19 and got divorced at 22 and i... my parents bought the apartment, then later, well, i earned money to change the apartment, when i changed it, i didn't tell my parents that i was going to change the apartment, to my parents were supposed to... fly in to visit for my birthday, and they gave me a real earful about how i needed to re-register the apartment to her father so that i wouldn't have to pay any taxes there, but since we were a family, i believe in my family, i trust them, i absolutely completely and unconditionally trusted them, and why didn't they tell my parents, i wanted to make it a surprise so that my parents would fly in and they would end up in a new nice apartment, they ended up at the train station, because it turned out, it turned out they didn't fly in, yes, yeah, because... you didn't have the old one and the new one didn't appear? yeah, i think he's

being a little disingenuous, kind of fibbing a little, embellishing, you know, to once again present himself as some kind of victim, and your parents didn't go to her parents, didn't start explaining, like, what, did we fool his boy, a nineteen-year-old fool? well, my dad, my father talked, talked to her father, that for some time, several years, i think, five years, they paid 10 or 12 thousand. well, the parents should have taken it into their own hands control, of course, letting the child

sail like that, it seems to me, in fact, it's a scam, i think that her parents are just like that, let's add some money, buy a better apartment, but it will be registered somewhere in the distance as somehow in the name of the father and her in the name of the father, and then when you return the money to us, we will re-register it in your name, that's most likely what happened there, most likely, it seems to me too, because he just had the audacity to say, re-register your apartment in our name, and he was like, oh yeah, my ears perked up. gilson, test his erudition. come on, let's try to test his erudition. in our game, who wants to go to the registry office with a millionaire. the question is quite simple. at a felting factory in the belarusian village of smelovichi, an employee who does exactly this kind of work is called matchmaker. and what exactly does she do? minute. well, she probably does something. dumps, in fact,

she does almost the same thing as we do here, she selects pairs for felt boots, each felt boot is made individually, matchmakers at the factory find them a second half, by the way, in general, the work of a sapper and this sniper can be said to be in one bottle, that is, you can’t make a mistake with a pair and it shoots only once, about ten you need to... show me a surprise, and for a surprise i need tatyana, take it, this is for the baptism, you know, they threw, in which direction your valinok will fall with its nose, in this one, from this side your husband will come, he came, i didn’t throw, now i will teach you a few moves in tennis, but first you and i will warm up your legs a little, for this we will quickly move with you and after each square, you will need to go forward with both feet. get out of it - and also return back, always facing that

direction and move through each square with both feet and also repeat after me, on heels it is very difficult, yes, but you are doing well, take off your heels, why are you suffering, no problem, evgeny, something is too complicated there, some kind of complicated surprise has been prepared there, something is not clear, what is it about? on tiptoes, on tiptoes, oops back, here is another hobby i have mastered, everything, well done, it turned out great, look, now, are you right-handed or left-handed, right-handed, then take the racket by the end of the handle with your right hand, by the end of the handle, that's it, turn this way, and with your back to me, we're swinging now, taking the racket back, the left hand is a little bit in front, we put our feet a little bit wider, even wider, more, more, more, more, yes, we make the striking movement through the bottom. we bring the racket forward all the way, we return the racket in front

of us, let me show you again, we stand on this side, hand forward, feet wider, by the way, she also has a very even face, you can see, what is she stabbing, yes, she also stabbed, see how even she is, yes, by the way, you ca n't see that she stabbed, well done, well, i have a good beautician, your hand is here, and you make a striking movement and bring the racket. to the end, well done, and now make a swing yourself, take the racket away and just swing, yes, excellent, look, in tennis, we never. say zero, in tennis instead of zero we always say love, so far the score is 0:0, today we had love, oh, how lovely, wonderful, wonderful, put it on

slipper, it would have been somewhere, of course, not on the program, but somewhere on the board, maybe it was a little nicer, more comfortable for her, how do you like the groom? peculiar, well , handsome, he is nice, young, he is good with himself, handsome, of course, but she is very nice, she is very good, in fact, and pleasant to talk to and looks good, yes, well, when she moved, it was nice to be around, i am not even offering him to you, why am i reading your profile, you just reminded 100 times that... you need balloons, i don't know what you got these balls for, these, mikhail gave you these balls, basically, and i think that your heart, it just started pounding from this little man, well, i recommend misha as a little man whose heart started pounding, i think that

mikhail is not as simple as he wanted to seem here, and i'm afraid that these balls were the first.

no one, okay, let him go for the balls, but you, listen to your heart, it will definitely lead you where you need to go, come in, if she comes to me, then i will agree to go out with her, yes, i i invite everyone to come out and support tatyana. i am very pleased that you made my dream come true. i am very happy with your choice. we have a couple, tatyana and mikhail. if you are single or you liked one of the participants of today's

program, write to the first channel website. and i, larisa guzeeva, wish that your loved one would definitely tell you. let's get married. hello! the vremya program is on air. ekaterina berezovskaya is in the studio. here are the main topics. grodovka has been liberated. the success of our defenders in the donetsk people's republic. how they took the village that opens the way to a strategically important place.