>> i used to think that she was just an extreme. i didn't know to call it mental illness. >> rosie perez was only three years old when her schizophrenic mother uprooted her from the life she knew and put her in a catholic children's home where she was often abused. >> i had to physically fight back or else, you know, my ass was going to get kicked. >> the oscar nominated actress's book described how she overcame the odds to succeed. >> i felt like i was always escaping into different realities. >> how a fighting spirit and humor helped her survive? >> i was ham and cheese served on a platter. >> i recently spoke to rosie perez in new york. the book starts out with your

early years with your tia, your aunt who you loved and who took really good care of you. painful stories it's hard to the book is filled with so many painfully stories it's hard to recount all of them. how difficult was it for you to go back mentally and recount those stories and put them on paper? >> the good thing is, is that i have done the hard work in regards to going to get help, to seeking therapy. i thought because i was successful and i had a lot of money, i had great career, that i had risen above all of the issues. >> and i realized probably around in my early 30s that i had not. so, prior to writing the book, i had done extensive sessions of

therapy. because i didn't want my past to win. i wanted to reap and enjoy all of the benefits of life and all of my efforts to have a great life. so when i sat down to write it, it was difficult? yes. there were days where there was a lot of crying. there were days where there was a lot of laughter. >> human does run throughout the book despite the terrible stories you are telling me. the abuse in the early years was really striking, abuse from your family, abuse from some of the nuns in the convent you were sent to as a toddler. you were three years old. did it feel sometimes like everyone that was supposed to be taking care of you was hurting you? >> no. there were certain people who were supposed to be taking care of me that were hurting me but

as a child, i just, everything was very clear to me. it was confusing at first: who is my mother? who is my aunt? why am i here? who are these people with the funny scars on their -- scarves on their heads. >> the nuns? >> the nuns. but once i started assess the situation, i was like, okay. so there weren't -- it wasn't a place where everyone that worked there, all of the nuns, priests, counselors were bad and abusive. there were a handful of them. but there were some really great, wonderful people. yes view life like that. plus i still had my aunt in my life and i had my cousins who were wonderful who i thought were while sisters. i call in the book my cousin/sisters or sister/cousins. i think that those three years with my aunt helped me understand that there is good love out there.

and i was loved. and i was told i was special. those times with your aunt are the real bright spots. >> yeah. >> in the story of your childhood. then there are the times with sister renata. there was one day where she slams your head repeatedly against a locker. you call her evil incarnate in the book. was she just the protypical strict none at a convent or really as sadistic as she seems to be? >> i think she was a little bit more sadistic than the standard strict none. you know, she went overboard. >> was there one particular incidents booirdz the locker incidents that stood out to you that would exemplify what it was like being in that con vents? >> one time me and the girl that i call "crazy cindy," we were in trouble so we had to clean the entire bathroom at six years

old. when are mean entire bathroom, it's a bathroom in a home for children. so there are about six sinks and there is three bathroom stalls and three to four shower stalls and then the entire floor. so cindy had gotten the could have syrup. we found the could have sur rip. back then, it was mostly alcohol. so we had gotten tipsy and we turned on the radio in the bathroom and we were doing -- i was diana ross. she was the sprooemz. then i was david ruffin and she was the temptations and then i was the pips and she took gladys knight. by that time, sister renata comes in, starts screaming and yelling at us, tells us to hold out our hands and we didtiously and she proceeded to whack them and then told us to turn them over and whacked them again to the point where it was cracking and there was blood an the

stinging, and it was so hard and terrible, the pain, and then she had the gall to say, now, go back and finish cleaning. and i said, with what? our feet? da-da-da. and it was crack! she just smacked me across the face and backhanded and it was, i think about like three or four slaps. so it was adding insult to injury and then we had to go and clean the bathroom. and the girl, crazy cindy, started cursing, and sister renata thought it was me. so, i had bloody hands, they are stinging, i am trying to not touch the soap because it's burning, and she takes the soap out of my hands and sticks it into my mouth and tells me i have a potty mouth. >> and you were six? >> i was six. but what was -- see, part of my personality is i couldn't stop laughing because while she is shoving it in my mouth, i am noting and there is bubbles

coming out of my nose. so, i couldn't stop laughing. so it was like, woo-hoo. i drove this woman crazy. >> even at 6, you always had a comeback? >> i had it right there. the timing was impeccable. >> you were always a ham? >> i was the ham. i was -- i was not a ham. i was ham and cheese served on a platter. i was ridiculous. >>tes tell us who chaiz crazy cindy was. >> no one has asked me about her yet. so that just came a little bit as a shock. she was my best friend, my confidante, my little angel. >> crazy cindy splays a really big role at the convent. >> yes. >> she is a girl that in some ways, you seem to look up to? >> absolutely. >> because she is brave. >> yeah. she is very brave. i don't know if she understood how brave she was because she was cooky.

but she had an audacity to have fun and to take chances and risks at a very high cost. >> you write about how she was institutionalized and went through electroshock therapy. >> that was a rumor. it was rumored that she did, she went through that. but she came back and she was not the same person. >> and we should say that all of the names were changed in the book. right? to protect identities. crazy cindy had the moniker, crazy but so did your mother. you called your mother crazy many times in the book. you described beatings from her as well, the verbal and the physical abuse. was she ever diagnosed as mentally ill. >> she was diagnosed as mentally ill and yet they still did not take her parental rights away. because they viewed her as being responsible by putting me in a home, even though i was in a loving home, my father's sister

and with my father. >> you mean in tia's home? >> in tia's home, yes. you know, but, you know, initially, i used to think she was just extreme, that she had this extreme personality. and then, by eight or nine years old, i was like, no. she is crazy. and i didn't know. i didn't know to call it mental illness. i just said she is crazy. and other people would confirm it to me thinking it was funny, and there was nothing funny about it. there is nothing funny about mental illness. >> when you were a child, did you feel like rejected buyer by her? do you remember feeling that way? >> duh. yeah. yes. absolutely. from day one. from day one. >> from the day you could remember here? ? >> from the day i could remember her, i felt rejected by her. from her leaving me in the home, you know, for her treating me

differently from my other siblings. it's, you know, for her not taking me back and people would always ask me: why would you want to go back? and that's the crazy dynamics. >> that's the crazy dynamics that exist with the abuser and the person being abuse did. i know, especially a child and their parents. you want your parent to love you. you want your parent to wants you and then after awhile, after they beat you down so much, you want them even more. >> that's very, very difficult for people to understand. but it is what it is. it is that. and it was very true for me. >> what's so strike to go me is how you always had this sense of what was right and wrong. how did you not suck om to the pressures that were around you? and what must have been peer pressure in some cases. >> i never felt any peer pressure except from crazy

cindy. to get in trouble. but i don't know how i can explain it. it's just that i always thought i was special. and it wasn't an arrogance. it was a knowing, and it was there is a life out there. and i am just doing time. and i am going to make this time work for me. i am going to do everything right so that when i get out of this existence out of childhood, and into life as a young adult, i want all that it can offer, and i want to take advantage of all that it can offer. so, therefore, i had tunnel vision in that respect. it's: do you want to go get high? no. do you want to go hang out with boys? no. you know, do you want to do this and that? no. >> was part of it also -- and you write this, that so after you leave the convent, you go to a group home and you are actually excited about that and you write about how you sort of got this moral code from that.

was there a silver lining to being, you know, in the system as you describe it in the book? >> yes. you know, when you talk about, you know, the issues of child abuse and the foster care system and being award of the state, there were policy means everything. >> what do you mean? policy changes that the nuns couldn't hit us anymore. there were policy changes that allowed us to get a job because upstate there was so much prejudice, well you can rake leaves in fronts of my lawn with the ceta program with president carter allowed me to have a real job. at the age of 12, 13, 14. >> that's fantastic. so when we were going to the

group home, they told us all of these things are going to be available to you. i was beyond excited. and i was the most excited i was about was that there wasn't going to be a damn nun around. yay, god bless america three times. just that. >> was subsidized by the state of new york. i know people think about, you know, they call it social welfare and taxpayers' money to help the poor. yeah! it's not my fault i was born into poverty. >> it worked for you? >> it worked. and it gave me a fighting chance. yes, i was a child of poverty. i was a child of the system when i went to go live back with my family in brooklyn, i was a child of welfare. i was a child, you know of this or that. and certain policies allowed me to better myself because i wanted better and you knew i was better, you know, and it's not like we are like, oh, poor pity

me. can i have a hand out? it's like, no. can you just help me a little bit? and i will do the hard work. >> that's what i mean about policy is fantastic. >> do you think there are enough social safety nets today and those same things for children that that might be in similar situations or do you think that's somewhat being did you say assembled? >> it has somewhat been disassembled. i mean here we are in a group home, upstate new york next to the ib mr. country club estates, not too shabby. i am privy to the middle to upper class lifestyle. is that here today? no. there are so many cutbacks. what child today can go get a job that's subsidized by the government and they can have a paycheck and learn how to have their own bank account and so on? he not there. what has gotten better is child protection laws. >> has gotten better. what hasn't gotten better is the

rights of the child. excuse me. for instance, i see so many children because of bad relationships, because of hurt feelings, and going in to lovers being ripped around from their parents or one parent, you know, becoming vendictive towards the other and the child is in the middle and they get in the system and they are lost that has not gotten better. i guess it actually has gotten a little bit worse. >> we are talking to rosie perez. she has always been a fighter. coming up, hear what she threw at soul train host done cornelius.

this is "talk to al jazeera >> this is "talk to argues" this week we are talking to actor and

coriographer rosie perez. >> you were really into watching television as a kid. >> yes. >> like the jackie agreeson show. you really liked old movies. you liked listening to all kind of music including the beelthsdz. is that when you are interested in entertainment sort of began as a young child taking in? >> no. my interest in entertainment began with music: my aunt said i used to dance in my crib non-stop. and i just loved when my cousins would clap for me. i was such a ham, it was embarrassing. >> you loved being a performer, even as a baby? >> even as a baby in the crib. but tellrician provided something else. it was pure escapism. i watch boxing, the sweet science to hit and not get hit.

i was doing that from day one. >> physically, sometimes you would physically fight back? >> yes. i had to physically fight back or else, you know or my ass was going to get kicked. i learned how the to box, how to fight. >> you didn't just fight kids at school. i fought back against the nuns and then you got into a fight with do cornelius when you were on "soul train". >> yes. >> can you tell us that story? >> that was a clue that i needed help because i thought i am in college, going for my major, i am on "soul train" and if you just pressed the wrong button, it was like pow just a nuclear explosion would occur in me. and that's what happened with do cornelius. and he touched me and pulled me and yanked me inappropriately, and i freaked out. and i just started swinging, and i started grabbing things and

the first thing i grabbed was a piece of kent you cucky fried c. was beyond embarrassed and i was walking out with this pathetic bravado like i don't care. by the time i get in the car, i started crying and felt like an idiot. >> you threw a chicken wing? >> it was embarrassing and so wrong, and i think, goodness that we were able to make up before his passing. way before his passing. and, you know, but that's what i mean. am i really enjoying my life if i am this person holding on to this anger from the snaft am i really enjoying my life? no. >> and do you think the temper was innate in you? was that something you had as a kid or something that was a result of these circumstances? >> my therapist told me it was probably -- it probably became a part of me once my mother gave me away.

>> the ager? >> the anger. that was when i was a week old. >> have you ever fully come to grips with that. >> yes. >> or is that something that still rises in you sometimes? >> it still rises in me, but i have learned to control it and i have learned to modify it, you know, through the lessons of therapy, cognitive therapy. behavior modification is a beautiful thing. >> it seems you had some luck, though, later on at least when it came to your career. so you game a corographer and you started by choreographing bobby brown. >> yes. >> which is huge. >> it's huge. i was so excited. was it those nights? >> the nuns. >> the nuns? >> the nuns. i have to give dlementd they put me in tap from day one. they told me i had talent. i was the lead bunny in the easter parade.

you know. >> i bet you were adorable. >> i was with my yellow hair and pot bell, i was on execucute it disgusting but it was the nuns that really started it off. but it was my love of dancing and always being in the night clubs and, also, being a person who always seemed like they were a part of things but really was standing on the outside watching. and that's how i learned how to cory graph, and that's how i knew what would be hot and what would not be hot. i can gauge, you know the pulse of a club very, very easily. and, you know, so when that opportunity came, i took it. >> you proceeded to work with every major name in hip-hop at that time. were you easily accepted into that world, or was it intimidating? >> no. it wasn't intimidating to me. it was very frustrating. the masogeny was disgusting, the

way they perceived women, treated women was appalling and probably is still appalling. and, you know, but i just wouldn't dwrsh -- i refused to be denied. i am excuse me. those are your issues. you have to get over it because i want to get paid and i want to do this dance number and i want to work with this person. so, i am going to go for it. >> you were later discovered in a nightclub by spike lee. this story has been out there. you are from brooklyn. spike lee is from brooklyn. you get this major role in "do the right thing." how much of that performance was derived from your own life, if any? >> it was me derive from a lot of traps, looking for the validation outside of the home, of early teen pregnancy, frustration of not getting out

of life, knowing you deserve more but not having the wherewithal to go get more. for me, my personal life of, you know, spike was like, i need you to get really angry right here. i go, okay. a walk in the park. >> you had that at your disposal? >> i had it at my disposal. so even though i didn't have, you know, an acting lesson in my life, i, you know, i felt like i was always aking, always protecting myself, always escaping into different realities. so it was surprising to me how easy it was. >> i am stephanie cy. we are talking to actor and coriographer rosie perez. we will have more in just a minute. >> on the stream, >> what has to happen next in ferguson missouri so the death of an unarmed black teen shot by police is not in vain. join us on the stream >> the stream on al jazeera america @j

what's interesting i didn't know until i read your book is that acting and corcoregraphi. ng you were in college, a bio chem major. do you think you chose route? >> this is where i am supposed to be.

this was supposed to happen and yet i still have fantasies of finishing my degree and, you know, it's i still fant sues. i am a nerd. >> you work with kids in the urban arts partnership. tell me about that work and how much of that is you sort of addressing some of the needs that you had in child hood. >> that's 100% addressing the needs i had in childhood. i see these title i kids meaning low, poverty, high-risk kids being ignored in school. these kids who can take on the world, be our next president, be the head of, you know, apple. they could do all of these things, but they don't have access. they don't have opportunity. and i want to do anything that i can to help provide that access

and opportunity and, also wering just to validate them and say to them, you are really smart. you know, you don't have to let your circumstance dictate who you are as a person because i see right inside that you are not that. >> so it's not just about art. it's really about you being able to work with these kids one on one and sort of share with them? >> as much as i can, yes. and to tell them, you know what? you could complain about your situation all you want. when you become an adult, the world does not care. so what you need to do is find solutions to your complaints. >> at the end of your memoir, it becomes clear that another thing you want is to sort of set the record straight. this is your story. >> yes. >> what else do you want this book to accomplish? >> i want it to say many things. i think first and foremost, to say that there is a certain

group of people here in the united states that are thought as less than just because they were born into poverty. and it's not right. and it's not fair and it's not true. and i want those people to understand that they need to push through all of that, push through all of their fears and didn't dos and stuff into their greatness and claim it because right. >> it is a riveting and inspiring memoir. thank you so much for talking to al jazeera. >> i am thomas drayden: at the top of the hour: the governor of missouri faces an angry community after declaring a state of me emergency and curfew in ferguson. we are live with details. >> i whole-heartedly and

unequivocally stand behind my veto. >> texas governor rick perry faces the cameras and vows to fight an indictment against him. plus a disturbing find in the u.k. a man found dead along with dozens of other my grant did. all of those stories and much more straight ahead at six. >> i am lease a fletcher. you are in the stream. what a difference a day makes from tear gas tanks and rubber bullets to highway patrol cars, a changing of the guard. from st. louis police to the highway patrol. we speak with georgia representative hank johnson to hear about a bill he plans to propose that would limit a pentagon program that provides local police with tanks and m-16 arrivals. >> as racial tensions have reached a boiling point, what's next for a suburb remember