half hour. "the stream" is up next. and as always you can catch what is happening online. take care. >> does that answer your question? ♪ hi i'm lisa fletcher and you are in the "stream." social media is transforming what we share about life, but what about death in is how we discuss dying changing one tweet at a time. ♪ >> bringing in the community out there our program is our digital producer, wajahat ali. sharing death and dying is something we're seeing a lot

more on social media. even today when we put the topic out there, it resinated with people. >> yeah, as we were mentioning we were flooded with tweets and stories. we're tweeting about marriages and births, it seems like death is part of life, and roger says: and on facebook mentioning those stories alan has a heart warming story as someone who blogged during the eight years of his wife's cancer. he says it was a way to get his emotions and frustrations out. and we just got this one from betty shuler who is suffering from cancer, and she goes: and she thinks in the end she would have fulfilled her purpose if she helps others through this

medium. >> if you had a terminal illness would you open up about it online? >> i think i would. i think death and getting to that stage, i would probably want to share it, to not feel alone and alienated, and also maybe to talk to my community about that important stage in life. >> i wonder -- people who have job like ours, and we see a lot of celebrities sharing these things or scott with npr, how he started tweeting about the death of his mother, and people just latched on to that. so how about you? would you turn to social media to open up about your last days? nearly 75% of adults go online say they use social media to discuss what is happening in life. one topic isn't as easily discussed death and dying.

according to the cdc nearly 2.5 million americans die each year. surveys show that they are waiting for someone else to talk about it. >> if 30% later have a metastasis, why aren't 30% of the stories being presented by the media about women and men with metastatic disease? it should be an equal ratio in and what we see is the happy stories, they want the raw raw, and they don't want to hear from people like me who unfortunately have the incurable situation of taking chemo therapy for the rest of our lives and depending on that treatment. >> she appears on our program during breast cancer awareness month. for more than six years she has been using social media to share her experience. now she has recently started

using the online platform to share this chapter of her journey. and she is not alone. more people are using the tool to open up about their experience about death and dying. supporters see it as a way to begin dialogue. critics question the appropriateness concerned about sharing such details in a public forum and oversearchfying the issue. so does social media have a place in the conversation about death and dying? helping shape this discussion is a grief expert and author of the book "you can heal your heart, finding peace after breakup, divorce, or death." on skype, is the creator of the series my last days. in our google plus hangout are david and debbie oliver and we

have a stage 4 cancer sufferer. david we see people acknowledging the passing of others on social media, but why do you think we're seeing more discussion about the process in terminal illness and death now more than ever on social media. >> first of all thank you for talking about it in the show today. i don't think we knew what our great grandparents knew. we don't know how to talk about it anymore. we live in a world where the dead go around in white unmarked vans. and we're looking for that town square. social media is the new town square. >> what is it about american culture. you said your grandparents had it different. what makes it so tough to talk about these things. >> we have become so youth oriented we believe that death is optional practically.

but grief must be witnessed. we want our lives witnessed, our deaths witnesses, and our grief witnessed. >> justin you decided to do a series called my last days. why did you do that? >> i was looking around and i realized that we tend to procrastinate with everything in life. especially my generation, and i didn't think we should procrastinate on living the life we want to live. and it was rooted in a quote, it said i made death the messenger of joy for me. and i thought maybe i could inspire me to make death in the life they are living, and maybe make it inspiring to people, and that's how the show was created. >> you were mentioning not making death a taboo. and mark just tweeted in:

and we -- this is a trending article and thanks to the images here that were captured during a photo shoot for the television drama, the haves and have nots. this is actor john sneijder. this was taken an hour after john discovered his father had died. and we also have this blog by our guest david and debra. david's cancer video blog. look, you have shared this journey with all of america, and what have you learned about the empathy that it has engendered? >> i think it's amazing. our blog has had over 81,000 hits from 74 different

countries. and none of us get out of this alive, and that's true all over the world, and it's amaze how many people respond and say, you know, you are teaching us things our physicians and nurses ever told us about what happens during chemo or radiation, and we just love your youtube blogs. >> hum. >> jody you started bcsm, you have a huge online community of breast cancer survivors and patients, how do you think social media is changing the way we discuss these issues? >> oh, it's absolutely remarkable in -- in the way that we can now connect with someone that is affected with the same disease, whether it be primary or metastatic incurable cancer as i have. and you may have looked before for months to find someone to have what you have, and right now all you have to do is get on

twitter and type in the bcsm hashtag and you can be talking with 10, 20, 30, 40 women, just right off of the bat. so it has done a phenomenon job of connecting people. and that's what people with illness need. they need the affirmation and those connections that help them understand and relate to other people. >> david are there drawbacks to having these kinds of connections online. >> we perceive there would be, but there really isn't. people are much kinder than we expect them to be online. but that's not true in this topic. i can tell you lecturing across the world, all of these things, it is about the connection. we yurn for it. >> our community is chiming in:

and justin you are the creating of my last days, something i'm really curious about. these people you have talked to and interviewed, families of those who have passed away or those suffering, when it comes to those final days, what are the values, really that people treasure? what is really important in life to those who are near the brink of death? >> it's really interesting. they have all said the same thing. which is -- it's about family, love, experiences, and it's really just about connection. all of the material wants and needs are just gone, and it really just becomes about the moment that you are in now, and it's like -- you are almost made clean. it's like you are detached from everything in this world, so it's always the same, which is really really interesting. >> i couldn't agree more,

justin. living in the moment, right now, this is everything. i don't worry about yesterday or think about tomorrow. because if i live really well today, then every yesterday is a dream of happiness and every tomorrow is a vision of hope, so i look forward to this day every day. >> i love you. [ laughter ] >> there is something about that that when you look at this topic, we think looking at death and dying, we're going to become sad and repressed. it's the opposition, we feel more alive than ever when we don't cut off this part of our life. >> there is something about this topic that makes me mystery, i don't know what it is. well, i do. we're talking about death and dying. this question probably never got asked. how do you talk about dying? is theret -- there etiquette.

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♪ i was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, and then i was diagnosed stage 4, 18 months ago. i know my cancer is terminal, but you can be optimistic with that. i have handled it with humor and even made a joke about it the other day, and i said, yeah, he gets it. it's part of life, and it's okay to talk about. >> welcome back. what you were just looking at was a clip from the series my last days created by our guest which shares the stories of people living with a terminal

illness. waj one of the questions we put out earlier today on twitter was is there an etiquette to what you can and can't say online. >> it is honorable that you are trying not to cry. >> i'm not going to cry. >> but your tears are honorable. >> thank you. >> but this remains such a huge taboo in american society: and as we have seen in the first segment, it seems to be a great

positive outlet for so many. >> it does indeed. jody your blog about this experience and you have this huge online community that openly discusses this issue, you talk about a lot of things, how do you decide what to share and what to hold back? >> well, i think in this issue it's not an etiquette per se is i have a story, and i'm a writer, so the way that i process what i'm going through is that i write about it. now one issue i'm having right now is that i usually process things a few years after the fact, and i'm going to have to speed that up under the circumstances right now. so i'm kind of in an -- in an adjustment period per se, but i -- i choose by listening to people what are you interested in hearing about? i'm talking with other women with breast cancer all the time, and i learn about their concerns. i have my own. we throw out topics and talk

about them. you just have to talk about every -- every aspect of it with someone else who is going through the same process. >> david and debbie, i see you guys nodding your heads. >> yeah, you know, part of the way we have chosen what videos to do is based on questions or responses that people give to us or comments that they will make on the video blog or youtube channel, and it has driven us to think more carefully about what topics to choose and how to do that. >> our community has been tweeting in, lisa, again, very personal stories: we just got this tweet in:

>> yeah. >> david -- look, we just heard david and debra, it's remarkable with their buoyant spirit laughing about this. lisa is crying. >> i'm not going to -- look at the guy with terminal four cancel and his wife. they are laughing and living in the right, why am i -- right? this is a strange contrast. >> embracing the dark humor, if you will, of death, what allows people to move on? >> it faces our fear. death is obviously one of our greatest fears. when you think about twitter, you think 144 characters. you can't express yourselves. really our last years of life -- you need to say i love you. i'm sorry. i forgive you. and thank you. that's really it. you can do it in 140 characters.

you can communicate who you are and what you are going through. and think about it. we share all of our experiences of our lives on facebook. this chapter, we're supposed to stop sharing because you might get upset? i don't think so. >> david -- >> justin one of the amazing things with your video is a lot of people have this expectation that it is going to be sad, and it turns out to be inspiring and empowering. was that a pleasant surprise for you, or did you suspect that. >> that was the mission of the journey to make it positive and inspiring, and see if we can make the topic of death something that caused people to live better and smile more and laugh more, because we all have one thing in common, and that is we are all going to die. so why are we waiting to do all of the things that we really want to do. we should be doing them now. we should be calling our moms and sisters and brothers, and

membereding relationships, meeting people on the street and leaving our legacy behind every single day, and that's why it has become so popular, and why it's joyful, because we're not focusing on the dies point, it's focusing on the living point. dying reminds us that we have to live. >> we have those people that get depressed and disengage from others. there's another group, i think that find it futility, which is sad. a group like you have on the show tonight who are in to living and not dying, you know, it is what it is, and that's -- and that's what we're doing, but we need to get those people who are depressed to get on to social media as well. >> david and debra, i just want to make this point. social media provides a source of support, people who feel their families are burned can find an outlet here.

and we have a great comment from lizzie -- >> [ inaudible ] is a pop-up event where people get together to talk about death and have tea and delicious cake. it dispels the myth that people don't want to talk about death. i brought the death cafe concept to the united states in july of 2012, and since then death cafes have popped up in over 34 states and 100 cities. there is no agenda, no ideology, just open conversations about death and dying. >> david you wanted to chime in. often the critique of social media is it creates that superficial friends. and there's nothing like face-to-face conversations. what is your response? >> i think that is changing. i think we are finding we can connect very well. and when a concern is dying and they reach out to try to

connect, and you have go don't talk that way. we're going to focus on getting better. we leave them alone. we isolate them. and if i can find another soul, the better. and sour fear is, if i really look at the fact that some day i'm going to die, the reality is, when i let that in, it lets me go deeper into this moment. let me connect with you. let me serve people better. let me take this life in. >> jody do you find that there are buriers that come done when you are having these conversations online, people feel more at ease? >> people are forthcoming and just encouraged to talk about things that they have thought -- thought about with -- with having their illness. one thing that -- that i can't -- you know, social media isn't going anywhere. you know, we're only just in the

beginning stage of this kind of technology in our lives, and i think the more humanely we weave it into what we experience, in a natural way, in a way that doesn't feel forced, in a way that is an extension of our personality, then worries about taboos, about death and etiquette and questions like that will cease to be relevant. >> you know, i think unless you have experienced a virtual hug in the midst of a crisis, you probably don't understand it. but i have been fortunate enough to experience that the very day we received bad news, and as i shared that with my friends and they all day -- weeks and weeks, virtual hugs every day, and that's wonderful. >> yeah. >> it is wonderful. and there's nothing superficial about the connections that

people make in what i call a diseased community, or an illness community. in fact, you will find that when we meet each other in person, the getting to know you process is actually accelerated. i have very rarely connected with someone online that i have met them in person and then been disappointed. every single time it has been like, wow, it's you. i'm so glad to meet you. >> and you already know each other. so what happens when the blogging and tweeting stop? and you learn that the person has died. how does it impact the grieving process in we're going to tackle the online legacy next. ♪ a self portrait of generation now... >> so many of my friends is pregnant... >> i feel so utterly alone... >> you need to get your life together >> i'm gonna do whatever needs to be done... >> ya boy is working on becoming a millionaire... >> an intimate look at what our kids are facing in school

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♪ when i die, it represents the end of my journey, but then that represents the starting point of another journey for everyone else. what a wonderful purpose that is to have. >> chris's message, his legacy is one that i think has already touched so many people around the world. >> welcome back. we're talking about social media and its place in the discuss of death and dying.

david kesler, i was talking to my interview producer earlier today, she booked all of the guests, and she said it was such an emotional experience. because she would find great blogs and go to call that person only to find out that they passed away a couple of days or weeks ago. and she said it was so haunting because the pictures and videos were right there in front of her. what is the effect of this lasting online legacy for families and loved ones when people pass? >> i am amazed at the people i have talked to who have shared they love that there is a legacy to their loved one. they love when someone else says i ran across them online and loved reading about them. it makes them feel their loved one is remembered and honored.

>> and our community has been tweeting in: we keep getting that less alone, less alienated. alexander says: debra, i want to go with you with this. david, may you have a long life, my friend, and right now you are battling honorably terminal cancer, and debbie, same question to you, how will you be using social media right now and in the future to really connect with this community that you have developed and really honor the -- the man to your left? >> you know, i think it's important that we continue to document this journey. i have been in hospice care for years. i was a director, and now i do research in that area, and the lack of knowledge that people

have about how beautiful this experience can be. people will think we're crazy, but this has been one of the best years of our lives. we have traveled all over. we're free of many kinds of responsibilities that you can get bogged down in. so my goal is to continue to document this. and i know it is going to get harder, especially as david gets more frail, and less able to contribute, more of the burden falling on me, and how i do that during bereavement is going to be even more challenging. but our family is committed to this. our kids have joined in this process as well, and it's -- it's brought mission and meaning, and indeed it will be honoring david with what we do and it's a legacy that we leave for our grandchildren. >> and a beautiful legacy. and a beautiful note to end the show on. that is all the time we have for this discussion. thanks to all of our guests for sharing your stories. until next time, we'll see you

online. ♪ welcome to al jazeera america. i'm john henry smith. here are the stories we're following for you at this hour. evaluating threat from the grails group. the pentagon says all options are on the table. and another night of calm in ferguson, as the community prepares for the burial of michael brown. ♪