to suspend the region's autonomy. protests have taken place in cities across russia, with dozens of arrests in st petersburg after clashes with police. protestors were demanding that opposition leader alexei navalny be allowed to stand in next year's presidential elections. president trump has issued an emergency declaration as hurricane nate approaches the gulf coast of the united states. evacuation orders have been issued for some low—lying areas. < the storm is forecast to make landfall as a category two the interior ministry in saudi arabia says two soldiers have been killed in an attack on a guard post outside the king's palace in jeddah. the attacker — a saudi national — was killed. now on bbc news, a special programme recorded at the edinburgh festival where listeners to the bbc ouch podcast share awkward and funny moments they've experienced due to their disability or mental health.

storytelling live contains adult themes and language. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host for tonight sofie hagen. applause welcome to bbc ouch! storytelling live. oh, just to answer your question. denmark. see, there we go. that's happening in the face, yeah. that's where i'm from and that's why i speak like this. i can't help it. welcome, welcome, this is such a fun night. this is one of my favourite gigs in the world. the people we're going to see

tonight have either mental health issues or some kind of disability, and the reason why i'm here i have all of the mental health issues. are you ready to see the first storyteller? cheering yes, give it up for angela clarke. cheering so, i was at a posh hotel and i decided to treat myself to a lovely indulgent massage. i had one of those therapists who is named something ethereal or calming like melody or summer. or zinfandel blush. and she told me that she would be using an aromatherapy oil mix of lavender picked by organically trained squirrels. laughter and mixed with mermaid tears. there were flickering

scented candles. and music that sounded a lot like whales humping. i forgot to mention a vital fact to the therapist. i'm one of the estimated 8 million people in the uk who have an invisible disability. i have a condition so rare even i can't say it properly. we will call it edss. it's a chronic condition which amongst other things means i injure easily. those who have eds, a lot of them don't have any complications at all. they're just a bit super flexible. whereas i got chronic fatigue, frequent dislocations, mobility issues. there were no tales when i was a kid. apart from the fact that i could put my feet over my head and scratch my nose with my toes.

and i could dislocate my little finger and pop it back in. it wasn't until my 20s that things started to go awry. first my knees hurt. then my feet. then my ankles stopped working. then my legs stopped working. i had to go around clinging onto walls and people to move around the place. huge bruises would appear from nowhere. this lasted for about six years. first of all they thought it was arthritis, then they thought it was multiple sclerosis. then they thought it was fibromyalgia. then they thought it was arthritis again. then they thought it was lupus. i have to say, all of these long words have been really great for my scrabble scores. and when they finally ran out of things to check for there was only one option left. they decided that i had hypochondria. laughter and then one lone physio pointed out that my knees bent backwards. and i thought, my limbs twist the wrong way. i've got what that girl

in the exorcist has. i'm possessed. i also can't hold a pen, i fall over a lot, i get sick all the time, i sleep all the time. i thought i was a really rubbish adult. it turns out it's really a condition. eds3 is multi—systemic so it explains all of these things that are wrong with me. i did ask if eds3 explained always going into my overdraft but apparently that one is just solely me. so, there i am blissed out on the massage table. zinfandel blush has marinated me like a chicken breast, the whales are climaxing in the background and i'm drifting off to sleep. she rubs her oil covered hands down my arm and gives it a gentle tug to stretch out my stiff shoulder. unfortunately she doesn't know about the eds,

so when she pulls my arm it just keeps coming. and coming and coming. until, pop! dislocated clean out of the socket. now i'm very much awake. zinfandel blush is screaming. she has literally just pulled her client apart with her bare hands. the manager comes running into the room, hits the lights. the therapist has a mascara streaked face and her top knot is waving around like my dislocated arm. they hit the alarm. they're screaming about an ambulance. i'm a little bit preoccupied to explain that actually this is a fairly frequent occurrence. i know i need to get my arm back into the socket,

but all of my usual physio tricks aren't working, which leaves me with one choice. wearing just the paper pants that the spa gave me i flip myself over. flashing my boobs at the gathering crowd who are gawking through the open door, press my shoulder against the bed and using my body weight push. there is a loud crunch and my shoulder goes back in. zinfandel blush turns a very funny colour and the manager faints. after all of this they didn't charge me for the massage, and they gave me a free scented candle. but i've learnt from the dislocating massage. i now know that no matter how funny it is, no matter what the circumstances, you cannot pull my leg.

laughter thank you very much. give it up for angela clarke. are you ready for one more storyteller? yes! give it up for frank burton! i would like to tell you about the time i was sitting in the corner of the pub, blurting out names of al pacino films. whilst patting my head and rubbing my stomach. but really i should put that in context. i have a condition called non—epileptic attack syndrome. which means i have partial seizures which occur at random and it can happen at any time of the night or day where ever i am. and it can result in me ending up not being able to walk and being semiconscious

and it's really annoying. interestingly enough, as it turns out, instead of taking medication for it, what i need to do, when i notice the warning signs of an attack coming on, there are certain mental exercises that i can engage with, engaging the left side of the brain with the right side of the brain. things like pattng the head and rubbing the stomach, for example. as you can see, i'm a legend at it. applause the point of these exercises is that it stops your brain from shutting down, keeps you awake and alert, hence the seizure is then averted. another technique that i've been taught is to focus on all five of your senses to keep the awareness of what's happening at that moment in time. for example, i do this question and answer session where i ask myself sometimes, when the need arises, what can i see? a bag of new potatoes but they're

not called new potatoes, they're called baby pearl potatoes. what can i hear? a colleague announcement. what do i smell? organic turkish delight possibly. how do i feel? out of my depth. where am i? waitrose. relax, stay focused, pretend to be middle—class. laughter so i was getting better, i was on the road to recovery, and my dad drove myself and my son back home, we took the scenic route and stopped off at a pub for lunch on the way. i had a little sit down at the table, my dad took my little boy off for a walk. and had a nice little sit down in the corner with my orange juicejust chilling out. and then all of a sudden the dizziness came on, lightning was about to strike, something needed to be done. what do i see? red and white checked carpet. what do i hear?

lionel ritchie, dancing on the ceiling, if i'm not mistaken. what do i smell? heineken and crisps. how do i feel? slightly nauseous. where am i? the pub. relax, stay focused, pretend to be working class. that wasn't working. so i decided to go for another approved technique. serpico, i said. the godfather, the godfather part ii. dog day afternoon. i had my eyes closed. so i hardly noticed, but this guy at the opposite end of the table was calling out to me. "excuse me, mate, you all right?". "fine, thank you". "do you mind if i ask what you're doing there?". "yeah, i'm naming al pacino films".

"yeah, i thought that was what you were doing". this wasn't the time for me to elaborate on the ins and outs and the complexities of my condition. i explained to him, this helps me concentrate on the films. "gotcha". "scent of a woman", he said. i said, "sorry?". "al pacino, scent of a woman". i said, "hang on". "i'm starting in the 70s, i'm working my way up". "scent of a woman was 1992". "so it was, so it was". i continued. "bobby deerfield. and justice for all". "the conversation", he said. "that was gene hackman", i believe. oh, right. mick, he's calling across to this guy at the bar now. mick is on the quiz team, he explained to me, he'll sort you out. "he's a good man". sure enough mick was a human imdb.

came straight over to me. didn't even introducing himself. just started reeling off these films for me. scarface, 1983, revolution, 1985, all the way up to miss conduct 2016. bam, get in, well done, mick, you legend. listen, i said to them, you've really help me out here, i really do appreciate it and it was true. i was back in the room, i was fully conscious, another crisis averted. i was on the verge of conquering this major illness in a really unexpected and bizarre way. and my new friend got all serious on me, as if he had figured it all out, it wasn't just about some hollywood nostalgia. there was more going on in this little exchange of ours. something more significant and closer to home. he said to me, "seriously, i'm going up to the bar now, i'm going to get you another orange juice, and when i come back, my friend, we're going to sit down and it will be time

for robert de niro". thank you very much. applause frank burton! it reminds me of something a danish philosopher once said... speaks danish got you! so now i'm going to read this. so basically you've been tweeting in, texting and stuff, from your own awkward experiences. nicky says, after a date that i thought was ok, i had a message the next day saying, i'd like to take you out again, but can you leave the guide dog at home? laughter

why would you do that? who wouldn't want to go on a date with a dog? i'd message the guide dog and be like, leave the man at home. heron brown says, i work in a library and i saw someone who has a lower arm missing. he was struggling to use a stapler, and eager to help i went over and said, would you like a hand? are you ready for the next storyteller? yes! applause give it up for abbi brown! cheering so, my story takes place in summer of 2011. i was on holiday with my family in paris. i know it was 2011 because it was the same summer that amy winehouse died which means that my holiday wardrobe consisted almost entirely of black gauze and heavily ringed eyeliner. and i spent long hours translating articles from the french equivalent of reveal magazine with the help of my mum's 1983 french pocket dictionary, which lacked crucial vocabulary around narcotics, actually, mum. this was also the summer i started using a wheelchair for long distances, something which began as a hobby but has since blossomed into a full—time career.

my mum also passed down this nose, a slightly kind of raucous laugh and a genetic bone condition called osteogenesis imperfecta, also known as brittle bones. it's a slightly inherently comic disability, actually. it means i can break bones in almost any situation. like many people with brittle bones i can stand, walk and if the mood so takes me i can even dance, if by dancing you mean shuffle enthusiastically from side to side like a 90—year—old grandad with an arthritic hip. but after 15 years my legs took themselves into retirement approximately 60 years earlier than the rest of me, and since then i've reserved my walking as a kind of exotic party trick to be whipped out at special occasions and birthdays. brittle bones doesn't just affect your bones. in fact being born with osteogenesis is a lot like being born into kind of lifelong game of pokemon,

except instead of collecting adorably named japanese cartoon characters i collect medical conditions. me and mum both have short stature, curvature of the spine and an incredibly rare form of hearing loss which ironically nobody has ever heard of. back to 2011. there's me and my family traipsing around paris. we decided to visit the sacre coeur. the sacre coeur is this beautiful landmark catholic church which was built on the top of this enormous very steep hill. there's this kind of system of cable cars which ferries wheelchairs, pushchairs, the elderly, the otherwise disabled and americans up the hill. but the cable car only goes halfway and from that point you have to either walk up the remaining

steps or take this long and painfully cobbled route round the side of the hill and up the slope. we were sitting at the top of the cable car section of the hill admiring the view when a group of nuns appeared before us and began setting up for what duly became a short biblical play. the nuns moved around the crowd handing out leaflets. there i sat, sweaty and despondent in my ill—fitting wheelchair when this haloed white cassocked figure appeared before me, presumably mistaking my carefully created mourning look for sorrow over my disability. the nun placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, "we pray for you", she said, "we pray your legs better". in the six years since i started using a wheelchair full time i've been prayed for multiple times in multiple languages by people of varying religions. i'm not sure what the waiting time is supposed to be on these things, whether prayers are supposed to be answered instantly or

whether there's some kind of triage system like in a&e. but i'm still awaiting the day where i leap out of bed in pain free ecstasy and run to the top of mount sinai to go and sacrifice a goat! that said i was brought up in a christian family, at least half—heartedly, and i wouldn't like to say that prayer isn't real. it's just i've never seen one in action. i didn't want to be rude, but that summer my legs were actually pretty good in the grand scheme of things. my spine was causing more problems, and i felt a little uncomfortable accepting such heartfelt prayers on the behalf of two unstable but really quite nice looking legs. i considered asking the nun whether she thought amy winehouse would make it to heaven, whether st peter might consider forgiving rampant drug abuse in the case of a six—time grammy award winner and brit awards best female solo artist 2007.

i considered asking whether prayers concerning my legs could be redirected to a more worthwhile cause. instead, i thanked the nun, wiped the sweat from my brow, and gave her what was probably the best day of her religious career. i stood up from my wheelchair. laughter applause and without a backward glance i walked up the steps to the sacre coeur. thank you very much. i've been abbi. give it up for abbi brown! are you ready for your last act? yes! give it up for lee ridley. applause

hello, ladies and gentlemen. one thing that i've noticed about being a stand—up comedian is that mixing a disabled guy with loads of drunk people is rarely a good idea. in fact, i would say that the majority of my awkward moments come from meeting people in the bar after my gigs. it still amazes me how people can quite happily watch me on stage and laugh at myjokes, like i'm just another comedian. but as soon as i'm offstage they aren't sure how to treat me at all. they either think i'm deaf as well and start to write everything down or start shouting really loudly for no reason whatsoever. i think my most awkward moment came after a gig at a comedy club in newcastle,

i had just been on stage and was chilling out in the bar when this bloke came up to me. he asked me if i could really talk, as if i was only putting it on to take advantage of the disabled parking. to be honest, the atmosphere got really awkward at that point, i had never been in a position where someone had questioned my disability before. well, if you don't count my disability benefits assessor. surely it was clear that i was disabled. i mean i have the funny walk and everything. not even the best method actor can put this shit on for days at a time. it was so obvious that i really couldn't talk that he didn't believe me. so i tried to lighten the mood of it by making a joke about what he had just said.

i told him that if i was going to lie about being disabled i doubt i would have chosen this one. i told him that admittedly this job would be so much easier if i could talk. because apparently it's very important to get your tone of voice right when doing comedy. so it meant i was completely screwed. for example, this is what i sound like when i'm excited. and this is what i sound like when i'm miserable. and this is what i sound like when i am happy. and this is what i sound like when i am bored. female voice: in fact, the only time i sound any different is on tuesday nights when i pretend to be a woman. laughter applause he decided he wasn't

finished with me yet. so then he decided to ask me if i had ever tried to talk, just to see what would happen. as if i had just been lazy all of my life and therefore just couldn't be bothered to talk. by this point i felt like walking away but something about this man made me stay — i realised he was drunk. and that meant he would be very easy to wind up. so i decided to tell him that i had a job as a satellite navigation system. he didn't seem too sure of this at first. i got him to suggest a location and said i could direct him to it exactly. so i started myjourney. after 200 yards bear left.

well done. at the roundabout take the second exit. or is it the third. i could never remember since they did those roadworks. take the first exit. actually, it was the second exit. never mind. i know a short cut. follow the yellow brick road. follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. can you tell me how to get, how to get to sesame street? take the bridge over troubled water. stop, hammer time. but even after all of this he still wouldn't leave me alone, so in the end i did what i always do when i get tired of talking to people, i pretended my batteries had gone flat. funnily enough, my

battery is on 2% now. so i'd better go. you've been a fantastic audience. even if you hadn't, i can't change what i said at this point. applause give it up for all of the performers tonight. applause you have been a lovely audience. have a good night. hello. despite this fear, some of

you got lucky on saturday. cloud late in the day. at least it parted. not the case further to the south and west in plymouth. first thing, a lot of cloud for sunday. at least it will help keep temperatures up. we will help keep temperatures up. we will see how the day shapes up. i am hopeful they will be more brightness around. one ortwo hopeful they will be more brightness around. one or two overnight showers to be had in the east of scotland. a dull start to the day in northern ireland. bits of rain in the north channel towards north wales and on towards into manchester. murky fare in the south—west. elsewhere, brightness, sunshine. enough cloud

for some odd rain here and there. that is how the day will go on. the chance of one or two showers in the eastern shores of both england and scotland. still quite a bit of cloud on the north—westerly down through the irish sea in towards wales, the north of england, the west midlands. enough to give a showery burst of rain. passing through on the breeze. the high, 16— 17. possibly 18. the cloud feels in late in the day in the north and west of scotland. weak weather front is going far north. all the while, the world cup qualifiers going on across europe. a variety of conditions. england seeing the wettest weather. closer to home with monday. again, a lot of cloud around to be a lot of dry weather as well. only the north—west

will see sunshine. eventually getting to northern ireland. that is the shape of things to come for many of us. as far ahead as monday evening and on into tuesday, we will see the first signs of a real weather front bringing real rain to all of us. gradually it goes down across the british isles. falling behind, bright skies, showers in the north—west of scotland. a slightly fresher fell to the day. —— feel. this is bbc news.

i'm duncan golestani. our top stories... we speak to the un secretary general as he tours the caribbean, devastated by recent hurricanes. has the international community done enough? we launched an appeal and the appeal is insufficiently funded so i strongly ask the international community to increase humanitarian aid to the caribbean states. a state of emergency in four southern us states, as hurricane nate approaches the gulf coast. new orleans prepares for the worst. tens of thousands on the streets of spain as the country faces a critical test over catalonia's demand for independence. this is horrible, i don't agree with any of it. i hope we reach a solution soon because it's very bad for spain. the exhibition that examines if the friendship between salvador dali and marcel duchamp made modern art