the eu commission has officially ruled there's been sufficient progress for talks to move on from divorce, to a new trade relationship. palestinians have held protests in towns and cities in the gaza strip and the occupied west bank, to protest against the us decision to recognise jerusalem as israel's capital. one palestinian is reported to have been shot dead. the united nations says that m of its peacekeepers have been killed in an attack in the east of the democratic republic of congo, in the north kivu province. un secretary general antonia guterres described the killing as a war crime. coastal communities in california, including in santa barbara — are preparing for evacuations as six wildfires continue to rage out of control in the state. now on bbc news, throughout 2017 newsbeat has been

following three radio 1 listeners who got in touch wanting to share their mental health experiences. bex, laura, and mat invited us to have an intimate glimpse into their lives because they wanted to be able to show us first—hand what it's like living with conditions including anxiety, ocd, and anorexia. as you might imagine their stories encompass highs and lows, and as such some of the things they share with us you might find distressing. iam bex, i am bex, and iam bex, and i nearly 24. i'm actually 23. i am nearly 24. i love cats. i have bipolar as well. and borderline personality disorder. i forgot about that then. it is quite a long list, actually, what i have been diagnosed with. it is free, because they have a cd as well. ——i

have ocd as well. i started off a lwa ys have ocd as well. i started off always overweight from being a young child. when i got to about 16, when i was going to college, i decided to lose some weight. itjust sort of snuck up on you. it is not like one day i woke up and i thought i an anorexic. but i suppose i started getting bethought is that it was out of control when i realised that i couldn't eat without feeling guilty. i couldn't eat without the compulsive need to exercise. i hit rock bottom on the 20th of november 2016. and i will remember that date,

because it was the day i went to sleep and it was the first time that i felt that i never wanted to wake up. on the 20th of every month now, i want to set myself little goals that helped me keep on the road to recovery. so they include things like starting a tai chi class or doing some yoga. i want to do a sky dive for the eating disorder charity. and one day it will be several years charity. and one day it will be several yea rs of charity. and one day it will be several years of recovery, rather than just several years of recovery, rather thanjust months. i have several years of recovery, rather than just months. i have always been an anxious lad, really, but it was not until i joined an anxious lad, really, but it was not until ijoined the navy that i realised there was an issue there. when it is at its worst it is com pletely when it is at its worst it is completely debilitating. i would not be here playing golf. i would not sha bwa be here playing golf. i would not shabwa four days. i would just sleep 01’ shabwa four days. i would just sleep or wouldn't sleep, i would drink

heavily. the panic attacks, the suicidal thoughts, everything that comes with it comes all at once and there is not much you can do about it, really. there are so many different symptoms that, a panic attack. you have the racing heart, you can't breathe, you are shaking, crying, sweating, your hallucinations. if you like you are going to die. i really want to go out on may 30. going away somewhere. —— for my 30th. but it scares me, because when i get too drunk that is what i have my panic attacks. yes! mp3 player, phone. i have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, obsessive—compulsive disorder, obsessive—compulsive disorder, bipolar, ball and personality disorder, and also insomnia. i call my anxiety disorder the answers old monster. that is how it feels. my guess is compressed and it feels. my guess is compressed and it is that your heart is pounding and your hands are shaking. when i

have been leaving the flat, it takes me longer, with my 0cd as well and my anxiety. i need to do my cheques. that is turned off. that is turned off. that is turned off. and that is turned off. that is turned off. that is turned off. the window is locked. that's locked. that's locked. and then into my bedroom. the lamp is unplugged. the laptop needs to be on plot. i don't trust that being on. everything is turned off in here. the window is locked. right, living room. this window, that is locked. that's fine. i just to the backdoor again and! that's fine. i just to the backdoor again and i can go. that is definitely locked. 0k, we can go. i know the straight is unplugged. we can go now. that window again. 0k, everything is turned off. i know the

straight is unplugged. forgot‘s sake. —— for god ‘s sake. 0k. 0k. 0k, we can go. ijust can't turn it. one, two. today is an in clu b turn it. one, two. today is an in club day. so on my patches, onto the bench. during the week we make things and then on that day we just see them on. when i was ill, like with my anxiety, which has not got better, but when i was a bit unwell with my anxiety i did not go to the copper about four weeks. so a missed a month. but! copper about four weeks. so a missed a month. but i came back. everyone saidi a month. but i came back. everyone said i am glad you are feeling better. and now ijust like coming

in. one minute. 0. right. sorry about that. i'm really, i don't like sirens. i am about that. i'm really, i don't like sirens. iam really about that. i'm really, i don't like sirens. i am really sensitive to sound. i tried to have a good routine, like take my medication at a specific time, at no time. then have a good meal. i have a job board in the kitchen. and that will always tell me, to water the plants and neat. i have got to do at least those two things every day. and then a naphat have done something with the day. and even though it is not a lot, it is a lot for someone that has, like, a mental illness. before i would never have ordinarily eaten anything for lunch. but something quite generic, like beans on toast, is almost a safe food for me. but it is almost a safe food for me. but it

is getting it in. before i would never have eaten bread or potatoes 01’ even never have eaten bread or potatoes or even beans, it would have been too much sugar in that. so to go from eating nothing to eating something like this is quite a big dealfor me. but something like this is quite a big deal for me. but when something like this is quite a big dealfor me. but when i am making food i just tried dealfor me. but when i am making food ijust tried to distract myself as much as possible. if i stand in silence and think about it, i will just let my mind wander to calories, more often than not. and i will start thinking about what else am i going to be eating later and how many calories are in this. and if i pull myself back and actually think why am pull myself back and actually think whyami pull myself back and actually think why am i doing this, i can't really give a reason for it. one of the worst things for me to overcome was the gilts. when i wasjust worst things for me to overcome was the gilts. when i was just about to hit rock bottom i never thought i would be able to eat like a normal person again. i am not ashamed to

say that i have used alcohol substantially throughout the years to aid me. i would substantially throughout the years to aid me. iwould not substantially throughout the years to aid me. i would not say necessarily that i have an issue, however, i know it is a trigger. guinness please, powell. it has got that over the past couple of weeks because i have felt bad. it has started to slip a little bit. golf has gone out the window. it is waking up feeling like rap on a weekend and doing it all again. it isa weekend and doing it all again. it is a downward spiral. as soon as you start to counteract the depression with the beer it is not worth it. and then you go back to where you were. but it is telling yourself not to do that. that is all i have done. that is all i have learned through the navy and when i have been trying to battle it. alcohol is the way out, when essentially it isn't. it makes things 20 times worse. this is just from eating a perfectly normal tea. look at the time, three hours ago. i look like i am carrying a baby. now, i know it is not that

bad, considering, but as somebody who has joined butting bad, considering, but as somebody who hasjoined butting out most of the time, my belly button is even sticking out. it isn't painful, but it is extremely uncomfortable. and these are my ankles. and today they are terrible with something called prevot will in a papley. it is like a creeping sensation. like lots of little bugs are crawling up mate legs. anybody who thinks that eating disorders are a vanity thing, i look haggard and half dead in my worst throes of anorexia. and i knew that was ugly. i didn't want to look like that. and that is a prime example of the fact that it is all in your

head. nothing to do with being narcissistic vanity. 0n the plus side, i havejust completed this month's side, i havejust completed this months challenge. side, i havejust completed this month's challenge. extend the arms forward. yoga went really well. and to help my circulation as well, which was a nice thing. i thought it was a really nice way to spend some time with myself and had to be with other people at the same time as well. i have got all these thoughts in my head all the time. it is like the world is just really loud and my chest always feels really tight and i have got all these thoughts going in my head all the time, there is just not an off switch. ijust

in my head all the time, there is just not an off switch. i just want to feel 0k. and i don't even know what that feels like. normal daily, wa ke what that feels like. normal daily, wake up at 5am ready for the 6am shift. nothing stands out during work that would influence what happened. it was a standard day. at the time, i was going through the motions. came home, had a quick beer, playing the fifa, get a phone call from a no number, which i would not normally pick up, but for some reason i just not normally pick up, but for some reason ijust did. basically, an insurance company had contacted my old address. i needed to renew my car insurance for £3000,

whichjust to renew my car insurance for £3000, which just literally knocked for sex. “— which just literally knocked for sex. —— six. it is like that grieving feeling. when you are losing something. that is all i can describe, all i can remember of it. people say "just calm down". it doesn't work. it makes it worse. so whoever is watching this, don't say that. because bleep it makes it worse. bleep this. bleep this. all the time or —— all a hear is...

i'm just feeling really nervous and anxious because i've got to see a psychiatrist. not looking forward to it because it's just nerve racking. it's just a bit scary because i don't know what they are going to say or do, so it's like going into the unknown. ijust walked off i just walked off the ijust walked off the golf course in the middle of the comp. i am that tired from nights, that ijust feel

absolutely exhausted. so ijust had to go. that's it. i went in and then i was already upset before i even got in the room and then theyjust said, so what's brought you here today? and i said, it's my anxiety is just playing havoc, today? and i said, it's my anxiety isjust playing havoc, really. they wa nt isjust playing havoc, really. they want me to explore and talk about the event that caused the ptsd. i've only ever spoken to... one, two... four people about it. my mum doesn't even know what happened, so i don't really wa nt even know what happened, so i don't really want to explore it, but i think in order to get better and to tackle my anxiety i think that is the only option, really. so i'm just glad it's over now. itjust makes me feel sad and lonely. i'm really looking forward to this

one. obviously supporting a charity like this is incredible for me and it's going to be a big masquerade event in aid of the mind charity. i've got a sitdown meal, like i often do at weddings. it's quite a strange experience for me. i don't sort of tends to enjoy it very much. because i'm so busy and i'm on my feet continuously, i sort of ground myself the permission to be able to eat, which sounds awful. you shouldn't have permission to it. it's usually quite difficult for me to do these events. i'm very aware of people eating. i sort of panic about the times of food and when things get delayed i maybe wouldn't haveitin things get delayed i maybe wouldn't have it in as much, so that i can eat a meal and not feel too guilty

about eating a big three course meal. i would about eating a big three course meal. iwould have about eating a big three course meal. i would have eaten less than a day, so i get very panicky, what i'm very aware of the fact that i need the food to fuel the fact that i am so the food to fuel the fact that i am so busy and active when i'm on my feet. the meal was lovely. very nice. as usual, i pick around the plate and find a way. but it was nice and it was nice to chat to everybody. it's very difficult for me in times like this because of the fa ct me in times like this because of the fact that i tend to get weaker a lot quicker than most people. i don't have any reserves on me, so it takes a lot of energy anyway, but when i'm always cold and tired anyway, and so preoccupied with everything else that's going on my life, to then sort of detached from that and come back to work is quite difficult sometimes. it's the end of the night now. an

absolutely exhausted, so now it's sort of a trying to drift off and slowly make my way out without seeming rude, but yeah, i'm tired and ready to get to bed. so today i've received a letter from a psychiatrist, who i saw a few weeks ago for the assessment. so my new diagnosis is the freshly, newly assessed diagnosis, is emotionally u nsta ble assessed diagnosis, is emotionally unstable personality disorder, with strong schizo type features, including severe anxiety in social settings, which is me down to a tee. it also includes paranoia, episodes of paranoia, which also at the

minute is causing a bit of a problem. the third part is unusual thinking, which is also causing problem for me. i didn't think my thinking was unusual, but now that it's been pointed out i think that it's been pointed out i think that it is unusual and now i've got this freshly assessed diagnosis i'm still trying to get my head around it and understand it at and, yeah, that's it, really. i have changed my calls slightly. i was starting to realise that my calls were becoming very intense. i wanted to do a skydive, which i do still hope to do one day, but i realised how physically and me ntally but i realised how physically and mentally demanding that would leave. and i needed to rein it e little “zr: we, i had i even had

i even if1ad i even if i'd i - 5433 fitflg this i- ééfl't-‘ig this is 72222 ;;:’;::;.:;—«;:fl’;;a—m4w 7 =’ =’ timel 72222 ;;:’;::;.:;—«;:fl’;;a—m4w 7 =’ =’ time i weuld now ;, , , , 72222 ;;:’;::;.:;—«;:fl’;;a—m4w 7 =’ =’ time i weigh! now be , , , 72222 ;;:’;::;.:;—«;:fl’;;a—m4w 7 =’ =’ time i would now be making , 72222 ;;:’;::;.:;—«;:fl’;;a—m4w 7 =’ =’ time i would now be making an , the time i would now be making an excuse, saying, why would i waste time on myself when there are other things i should be doing? i am sat here thinking about the work i've got to do and the fact that i don't wa nt got to do and the fact that i don't want to sort of get disrobed and be called, but i am excited for it as well —— cold. proud that i've got here again and i'm feeling a lot better than i was. it feels very strange to have her bones touching my bones and i can almost feel every movement, like the skin over my bones. there is no covering and it feels like a xylophone which goes up my ribs and i am quite aware of her touching all of this and there being i'io touching all of this and there being no softness. i think she is worried

she is hurting me. there we go. how was that for you? lovely, thank you. i will give you a couple of minutes. i will give you a couple of minutes. i will leave the room. just open the door when you're ready. if anything, it's given me a bit of a reality check of how far i still need to come. iam check of how far i still need to come. i am almost in denial. that i located a lot better, because me ntally located a lot better, because mentally i feel a lot better than a lot of the time i'm wrapped up and i don't really sort of analysed the way i look naked or how i feel. it's been good in a different way, it's been good in a different way, it's been good in a different way, it's been good in a realisation and wake up been good in a realisation and wake up call, but i've still got a long way go to feel properly better. my anxiety has got to a point now where are leaving the flat are leaving my home has become... has become quite

impossible, really. but when i do have these visual images they become much more intense and real and very, very frightening. i personally don't feel comfortable or safe with these visual images that i have in my head, because it gets to a point where i want the images to go away and the only way i feel that the images can ever go away is to... is the kind —— is to do kind of what the kind —— is to do kind of what the images are showing me. and these images aren't very nice. it's in my head and basically if ijust close my eyes then it's very real. i don't know how to describe it. it's a challenge to describe it. but i'll leave it at that. it's my birthday today. i felt

pretty cla p it's my birthday today. i felt pretty clap this morning, to be fair. i was dreading people not coming. right now i've had a few beers and its flowing. it's quite good. it couldn't be any better, to be fair. i was worried people were going to cancel, because that's what i do. then i was scared other people would do it and i would be on my own. i was literally panicking. that hurt! that hurt me! that really hurt! that hurt me! that really hurt! i'm ready to have a day off the ale tomorrow. i literally can't wait. it really hurts my feet, that. that's as much as i will do all day, a monster lunch. it's the day after

last night. yeah... ifeel absolutely awful. still pretty drunk. just eating lots of food. so very recently, my mental health has declined quite rapidly, so i'm trying to do things that will at least try and make me feel a little bit better, even if i feel better for like five minutes. so i've been doing my selling and just selling in a hoop. so we have under here there isa a hoop. so we have under here there is a figure under there and it's all been done in grey and red, to represent my anxious monster when it feels like it takes my body. this bit blocky represents the brain —— block here. and there's also a question mark there. that question

mark is to represent my new diagnosis and how confusing it is and how confused i still am about it. stopping drinking is something i've considered for years. to be honest with you i don't think i will because i think i'm mentally dependent on alcohol to help me get through things. it doesn't make any sense and that's probably the most frustrating part. i've got this diagnosis for life, really. i'm not going to get an diagnosed. i don't think i'll recover from it, but diagnosed. i don't think i'll recoverfrom it, buti diagnosed. i don't think i'll recoverfrom it, but i think diagnosed. i don't think i'll recover from it, but i think i'll learn better ways to manage it. that image of a recovered life is so

scary. who am i if i'm not struggling from an eating disorder? i don't know if i want to feel like it's cured, because i'm scared of what that feels like. i'm starting a new medication now. it'sjust what that feels like. i'm starting a new medication now. it's just a waiting game, but the waiting game isa tough, waiting game, but the waiting game is a tough, tough, tough challenge at the moment. for details of organisations that offer support or advice for any of

the conditions shown, dolomite to the conditions shown, dolomite to the bbc website and you can watch the bbc website and you can watch the full film online by looking for newsbeat documentaries on the bbc iplayer. good morning. still snow and ice problems into the morning but not as much snow falling on saturday. showers turning less wintry. some wintry showers coming perhaps in the northern england, away from northern ireland and continuing across northern scotland. many parts of the uk it will be a dry and sunny away from the south—west where we have rain looming. a cold day. not as windy, so looming. a cold day. not as windy, so it shouldn't feel as cold, what we will find coming into the cold air somewhat weather and that rain will turn to snow. especially across wales, the midlands into northern england and perhaps into east anglia and across the central areas where we have the amber snow warning from the met office. the worst snow later in the night, first thing on sunday.

coming lighter in the afternoon into northern england. drying off in northern ireland, dry and cold in scotland, southern parts of england and wales. turning brighter with sunshine and heavy showers and is. —— and blustery winds. welcome to bbc news, broadcasting to viewers in north america and around the globe. my name is kasia madera. our top stories: britain and the eu have struck a last minute deal covering issues —— britain has warned that the next phase will be harder than the deal secured so far. clashes between palestinians and israeli security forces during protests against president trump's decision to recognise jerusalem as the capital of israel. hello and welcome to the programme: after almost six months of talks, finally a breakthrough in negotiations between the uk

and the european union. but the eu president, donald tusk, has warned that negotiating a new trade deal after brexit will be even more difficult