continued between israeli supporters and palestinian protesters in the west ba n k and palestinian protesters in the west bank after the decision yesterday by president trump to recognise jerusalem as yesterday by president trump to recognisejerusalem as the capital of israel. those are the headlines. now throughout this year newsbeat has been following three listeners to radioi been following three listeners to radio i who got in touch wanting to share their mental health problems and experiences. they invited us to have amendment went into their own lives because they want to be able to show first—hand what it is like living with such conditions. their stories encompass highs and lows and some of the things that they share with us you may find distressing. i'm bex, and i'm nearly 24. i'm actually 23. but i do not like odd numbers because they bring bad luck. so i am nearly 24. i love cats. i have got bipolar as well.

and borderline personality disorder. i forgot about that then. it is quite a long list, actually, what i have been diagnosed with. we will just stick to the two. well, it is three, actually, because i have ocd as well. that is an odd number, hang on... i started off always overweight from being a young child. when i got to about 16, when i was going to college, i decided to lose some weight. itjust sort of snuck up on you. it is not like one day i woke up and i thought, i'm an anorexic. but i suppose i started getting the thoughts that it was out of control when i realised that i couldn't eat without feeling guilty.

i couldn't eat without the compulsive need to exercise. i hit rock bottom on the 20th of november 2016. and i will remember that date, because it was the day i went to sleep and it was the first time that i felt that i never wanted to wake up. on the 20th of every month now, i want to set myself little goals that help me keep on the road to recovery. so they include things like starting a tai chi class or doing some yoga. i want to do a sky dive for beat — the eating disorder charity. and one day it will be several years of recovery, rather than just months. i have always been an anxious lad, really, but it was not

until ijoined the navy that i realised there was an issue there. when it is at its worst it is completely debilitating. i could not be here playing golf. it would be... i would not shower for days. i would just sleep or wouldn't sleep, i would drink really heavily. the panic attacks, the suicidal thoughts, everything that comes with it comes all at once and there is not much you can do about it, really. there are so many different symptoms that come with a panic attack. you've got the racing heart, you can't breathe, you're shaking, crying, sweating, you have hallucinations. you feel like you are going to die. i really want to go out for my 30th. we're on about going away somewhere. but it scares me, because when i get too drunk, that is what i have my panic attacks. yes! i have been diagnosed with depression, social anxiety

disorder, obsessive—compulsive disorder, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and also insomnia. and that window is locked. i call my anxiety disorder the anxious hug monster. that is how it feels. the chest is compressed and it feels like your heart is pounding and your hands are shaking. when i have been leaving the flat, it takes me longer, with my ocd as well and my anxiety. i need to do my checks. that is turned off. so i need to go... that is turned off. right, so... that is turned off. the window is locked. that's locked. and then into my bedroom. the lamp is unplugged. the laptop needs to be unplugged. i don't trust that being on. straighteners are unplugged. everything is turned off in here. the window is locked. right, living room. this window, that's locked.

that's fine. i'lljust check the back door again and we can go. that is definitely locked. 0k, we can go. i know the straighteners are unplugged. we can go now. just check that window again. that is fine, that window is fine. 0k, everything is turned off. i know the straighteners are unplugged. for god's sake. that door is locked. 0k. 0k, we can go. i just count to ten. one, two... 0k, we can go. so i go to a club every week. today is a knitting club day. so i'm going to do my yarn and sew on my patches. onto the bench. during the week we make things and then on that day we just sew them on.

when i was ill, like with my anxiety, which has not got better, but when i was a bit unwell with my anxiety i did not go to the knitting club for about four weeks. so i missed a month. but i came back. everyone was dead welcoming and said i'm glad you are feeling better. and now ijust like the knitting. one minute. i trig tars have 5 543432! feasting; ' " ' at a specific time, at night time. then have a good meal. i have a chalk board in the kitchen. will always tell me to water the plants and knit. so i have got to do at least those two things every day.

and then i know i've done something with the day. and even though it's not a lot, it is a lot for someone that has, like, a mental illness. before i would never have ordinarily eaten anything for lunch. but something quite generic, like beans on toast, is almost a safe food for me. but it is getting it in. before i would never have eaten bread or potatoes or even beans, it would have been too much sugar in that. so to go from eating nothing to eating something like this is quite a big dealfor me. but when i am making food ijust try to distract myself as much as possible. if i stand in silence and think about it, i willjust let my mind wander to calories, more often than not. and i will start thinking about what else am i going to be eating later and how many calories are in this. and if i pull myself back and actually think why am i doing this, i can't really give a reason for it. one of the worst things for me to overcome was the guilt. when i was just about to hit rock

bottom i never thought i would be able to eat like a normal person again. i am not ashamed to say that i have used alcohol substantially throughout the years to aid me. i would not say necessarily that i have an issue, however, i know it is a trigger. guinness please, pal. it has got bad over the past couple of weeks because i have felt bad. i know i have been drinking too much, i'm not doing anything. the gym has started to slip a little bit. golf has gone out the window. it is waking up feeling like crap on a weekend and doing it all again. it is a downward spiral. as soon as you start to counteract the depression with the beer, you go back to where you were. but it is telling yourself not to do that. that is all i have done.

that is all i have learned through the navy and when i have been trying to battle it. alcohol is the way out, when essentially it isn't. it makes things 20 times worse. i want to show you a little bit of my bloat. this isjust from eating a perfectly normal tea. look at the time, three hours ago. and i look like i'm carrying a baby. now, i know it is not that bad, considering, but as somebody who has bones jutting out most of the time, my belly button is even sticking out. it isn't painful, but it is extremely uncomfortable. it feels like the worst gas, the worst pressure, you can't get the air in. and these are my ankles. and today they are terrible with something called peripheral neuropathy. that is a nerve damage. the best way to describe it, it's like a creeping sensation. like lots of little bugs are crawling up my legs.

anybody who thinks that eating disorders are a vanity thing, i look haggard and half dead in my worst throes of anorexia. and i knew that was ugly. i didn't want to look like that. and that is a prime example of the fact that it is all in your head. nothing to do with being narcissistic or vanity. on the plus side, i havejust completed this months challenge. extend the arms forward... yoga went really well. and did help my circulation as well, which was a nice thing. i thought it was a really nice way to spend some time with myself and to be with other people at the same time as well. i have got all these thoughts in my head all the time.

it is like the world is just really loud and my chest always feels really tight and i have got all these thoughts going in my head all the time, there is just not an off switch. i just want to feel ok. and i don't even know what that feels like. normal day, woke up at 5am ready for the 6am shift. nothing stands out during work that would influence what happened. it was just a standard day. at the time, i was going through the motions. giving my car back. came home, had a quick beer, playing fifa, then get a phone call from an unknown number, which i would not normally pick up, but for some reason ijust did.

basically, an insurance company had contacted my old address. saying they were going to auto renew my car insurance for £3000, which just literally knocked me for six. it is like... the only way i can describe is like you're grieving. like that grieving feeling. when you lose something. that is all i can describe, all i can remember of it. people say "just calm down". it doesn't work. it makes it worse. so whoever is watching this, don't say that. because it makes it 20 times worse. bleep this. i'm just feeling really nervous

and anxious because i've got to see a psychiatrist. not looking forward to it because it's just nerve racking. it's just a bit scary because i don't know what they are going to say or do, so it's like going into the unknown. i just walked off the golf course in the middle of a comp. i am that tired from nights, i keep having anxiety shocks all down the side of my body. i just feel absolutely exhausted. so ijust had to go. that's it. i went in and then i was already upset before i even got in the room and then theyjust said, so what's brought you here today? and i said, it's my anxiety isjust playing havoc, really. they want me to explore and talk about the event that caused the ptsd. i've only ever spoken to...

one, two... four people about it. my mum doesn't even know what happened. and then, so i don't really want to explore it, but i think in order to get better and to tackle my anxiety, i think that is the only option, really. so i'm just glad it's over now. it just makes me feel sad and lonely. i'm really looking forward to this one. obviously supporting a charity like this is incredible for me and it's going to be a big masquerade event in aid of the mind charity. i've got a sitdown meal, like i often do at weddings. it's quite a strange experience for me. i don't sort of tend to enjoy it very much.

because i'm so busy and i'm on my feet continuously, i sort of grant myself the permission to be able to eat, which sounds awful. you shouldn't have permission to eat. it's usually quite difficult for me to do these events. i'm very aware of people eating. i sort of panic about the times of food and when things get delayed i maybe wouldn't have eaten as much, so that i can eat a meal and not feel too guilty about eating a big three course meal. i would have eaten less in the day, so i get very panicky, but i'm very aware of the fact that i need the food to fuel the fact that i am so busy and active and on my feet. the meal was lovely. very nice. as usual, i pick around the plate and find a way of avoiding things. but it was nice and it was nice to chat to everybody. it's very difficult for me at times

like this because of the fact that i tend to get weaker a lot quicker than most people. i don't have any reserves on me, so it takes a lot of energy anyway, but when i'm always cold and tired anyway, and so preoccupied with everything else that's going in my life, to then sort of detach from that and come back to work is quite difficult sometimes. it's the end of the night now. i'm absolutely exhausted, so now it's sort of trying to drift off and slowly make my way out without seeming rude, but yeah, i'm tired and ready to get to bed. so today i've received a letter from a psychiatrist, who i saw a few weeks ago for the assessment. for me they include severe

anxiety in social settings, which is me down to a tee. it also includes paranoia, episodes of paranoia, which also at the minute is causing a bit of a problem. the third part is unusual thinking, which is also causing problems for me. i didn't think my thinking was unusual, but now that it's been pointed out i think that it is unusual and now i've got this freshly assessed diagnosis. i'm still trying to get my head around it and understand it a bit better. and, yeah, that's kind of it, really. i have changed my goals slightly.

i was starting to realise that my goals were becoming very intense. i wanted to do a skydive for beat, which i do still hope to do one day, but i realised how physically and mentally demanding that would be. and i needed to rein it in a little bit. i'm feeling really excited, but very nervous as well. a lot more nervous than i actually thought i would be. but i've never really had a proper massage. even if i've ever been comfortable in my body, this is the time i would now be making an excuse, saying, why would i waste time on myself when there are other things i should be doing? i am sat here thinking about the work i've got to do and the fact that i don't want to sort of get disrobed and be cold, but i am excited for it as well. i feel proud that i've got here again and i'm climbing upwards and feeling a lot better than i was. it feels very strange

to have her bones touching my bones and i can almost feel every movement, like the skin over my bones. there is no covering. it feels like a xylophone which goes up my ribs, on my neck. and i am quite aware of her touching all of this and there being no softness. i think she is worried she is hurting me. there we go, laura. how was that for you? lovely, thank you. i will give you a couple of minutes. i willjust leave the room. just open the door when you're ready. if anything, it's given me a bit of a reality check of how far i still need to come. i am almost in denial. that i'm ok and i'm a lot better. because mentally i feel a lot better and a lot of the time i'm wrapped up and i don't really sort of analyse the way i look naked or how i feel.

it's been good in a different way, it's been good in a realisation and a wake up call, that i've still got a long way go to feel properly better. my anxiety has got to a point now where leaving the flat, leaving my home, has become... has become quite impossible, really. but when i do go out these visual images become much more intense and much more real and very, very frightening. and i personally don't feel comfortable or safe with these visual images that i have in my head. because it gets to a point where i want the images to go away. and the only way i feel the images can ever go away is to kind of do

what the images are showing me. and these images aren't very nice. it is in my head and basically if ijust close my eyes, then it is very real. i don't know how to describe it. it is a challenge to describe it. but i will leave it at that. it has been a massive build—up, really. i felt like crap this morning, to be fair. just because you dread people's comments. but now i've had a few beers and it is flowing. so it is quite good. a few lads are here, a few coming out later so it's mint. really, really good. it couldn't get any better. i was worried people were going to cancel. because that is what i do. it is a thing to get out of the situation, ijust cancel it. it is easy.

then i was scared other people were going to do it and i thought aboutjust coming here on my own. i was literally panicking. but it has worked out quite well, really. that hurt! that really hurt! i'm ready to have a day off tomorrow. i literally can't wait. that really hurts my feet, that. i'll sit there with netflix and chilling. that is as much as i'll do all day. so it's the day after last night. yeah, i feel absolutely awful. still pretty drunk. eating lots of food. so very recently my mental health has declined quite rapidly. so i'm trying to do things that would at least try and make me feel a little bit better. even if i feel better for like five minutes.

so i've been doing my sewing. just sewing in a hoop. also we have under here, there is a figure under there and it has all been strapped down in grey and red. that is to represent the anxious hug monster. when it feels like it attacks my body. this big block is representing the brain, or represents my brain. and also as well there is a question markjust there. that question mark is to represent my new diagnosis and how confusing it is and how confused i still am about it. stopping drinking is something that i've considered for years. to be honest with you, i don't think i could.

because i think i'm mentally dependent on alcohol to help me get through things. i've got this diagnosis for life, really. i'm not going to get undiagnosed. i don't think i'll recover from it, but i think i'll learn better ways to manage it. that image of a recovered life is so scary. who am i if i'm not struggling from an eating disorder? i don't know if i want to feel like it's cured, because i'm scared of what that feels like. i'm starting a new medication now. it's just a waiting game, but the waiting game is a tough, tough, tough challenge at the moment. for details of the organisations

featured in that film go to the bbc website and you can also search for the whole film online. good afternoon. the weather is still causing some problems on the roads at the minute. further sleep and snow showers likely into the evening and then the ice becomes the feature. later we could get as low as —6 in two parts of wales and the midlands. but the snow is the big issue tomorrow, the met office have an amber weather warning for areas around the world and the midlands. be prepared for likely travel disruption. widely quite a few

centimetres of snow. the snow gradually moves north, heaviest in the morning. but through parts of south wales and into the south—east a mixture of rain and snow coming and going all day and. a bit of brightness in between but the wind is the big issue. there could be severe gale force winds through the day. some snow flurries in the far north of scotland but temperatures below freezing all day long. the snow peters out through england and wales through the evening but then theice wales through the evening but then the ice becomes an issue into sunday night. and then we're watching this area, a deep area of low pressure which has caused problems across

parts of spain and portugal. a small chance that that could get close to the south—east. a greater chance of some snow disruption in the far south—west of wales and into cornwall but many on monday will be dry and bright. tuesday, a dry and bright day for many but we finish with cloud and then rain spreading in from the atlantic preceded by some snow over the hill. but slightly less cold air to take us into wednesday. temperatures certainly higher than they will be this weekend. goodbye. this is bbc news.

the headlines at 2pm: the foreign secretary is in tehran and has been discussing the imprisonment of the british—iranian woman nazanin zaghari—ratcliffe with his iranian counterpart. the environment secretary, michael gove, says voters can use the next general election to have their say on the final brexit deal. snow is continuing to fall in some parts of the uk with warnings of worsening conditions overnight. clashes continue between israeli security forces and palestinian protestors in the west bank over president trump's decision to recognise jerusalem as israel's capital. thousands of people have gathered on the streets of paris to pay tribute to the french rock star johnny hallyday, who died on wednesday aged 7a.