the heavy rain caused this sinkhole to open up in the city of xi'an. local residents scrambled to pull out a car as the floodwaters swept through the streets. a small numbemfiatdght a brief rally near the white house in washington. organisers had said up to 400 people would attend, but far fewer did so — they were outnumbered by cou nter— protestors. and this story is trending on bbc.com: a royal engagement in japan. 27—year—old princess ayako is to marry 32—year—old kei moriya, who works for a major shipping firm. the princess is the youngest daughter of the late prince takamodo, the cousin of emperor akihito. that's all. stay with bbc world news. now on bbc news, hardtalk speaks to the equality campaigner and writer, vicky beeching. welcome to hardtalk. imac stephen

sackur. the christian religion is divided on issues of sexuality, not least the degree of acceptance and inclusion offered to gay men and women of faith. amid the fierce theological at demands are stories of individuals torn between their faith and sexual orientation. like my guest today. vicky beeching, a popular christian singer—songwriter turned public advocate for lg bt riots, whose remarkable story has seen her described as one of the most influential christians of her generation. has she found peace after yea rs of generation. has she found peace after years of turmoil? vicky

beeching, welcome. just a decade ago, singing and songwriting were the pillars of your life. you build life around that singing career. do you still seen today? i do not. it is very interesting as i am sure we will get on to win our conversation when i took the big step to come out as gay, many things changed. i lost many things and my music career was one of them. and that was a choice? you chose to consciously not seeing any more? it is interesting because i chose to come out and therefore lost my music career in the church but then i had imagined i would continue to sing for my own personal... as an outlet. but

everytime i picked up my guitar and played it gave me so many flashbacks to the work that i used to do, playing in these big american churches that preach against same—sex marriage and lgbt people. it felt so tight and strong, the correlation, but i lost the desire for the creative outlet. because faith in your christianity... your religion will be a part of this conversation. if you could tell me, where did you acquire your faith from? were you simply that your pa rents were from? were you simply that your parents were very observant and you inherited faith from them? faith has a lwa ys inherited faith from them? faith has always been very real to me. i think when people talk about faith and religion, people may assume that it is more sterile belief system, a distant deity and a set of rules. for me it grew from a childhood curiosity of wondering whether world came from, is a very small child i would stir up the night sky, look at

the stars and wonder how would all got here. i began to talk to god. i believed that, you know, he/ she was up believed that, you know, he/ she was up there and my parents are very passionate christians. i was taken to church and so i very much took on board the christian faith and felt that i had a real relationship with god. when did you first begin to become aware that there was this tension within the religion you were a part of but also within yourself between that part of you that was very committed to the church and to the faith and that other part of you which became increasingly aware of the sexual identity and orientation which did not fit with what the church was teaching? my first recollection of hearing about same—sex relationships was during a kid ‘s version of sir church that we went to on sunday. the adults had a sermon went to on sunday. the adults had a sermon and we would have kids church ina sermon and we would have kids church in a different room. they had these picture books that talked about different bible stories like no and

the flood and i had another one for the flood and i had another one for the story of sodom and gomorrah, which is the interesting story about god burning to cities that had brown, traditionally thought to be because the cities were full of people who were gay. that is what is understood in church teaching. so the reason we were told these cities have been burnt to the ground was because of homosexuality but we were too young to understand what it was but it was something very bad. at a young age, had probably five or six yea rs young age, had probably five or six years old, that did lodge in my brain andi years old, that did lodge in my brain and i made a mental note. whatever that is something very wrong. and when i was 13 i realised i was gay and that came back and i remembered it was something that god was obviously apparently very much against. wanted impossible notion that you could have spoken to anybody as a teenager about your growing awareness that you were a 93v growing awareness that you were a gay young woman? i have several options. one would have been school

but because of section 28, as people in the uk know, the law that actually basically prohibited schools from teaching about same—sex relationships, we did not have any education about to make issues at school so there was no—one i could talk to bad. the most natural people to turn to in some ways it would have been your parents but that was impossible? i parents very much believe the teachings of the evangelical church so i knew what they would have said and you what they would have said and you what they thought so that meant i did not feel comfortable and did not feel co mforta ble feel comfortable and did not feel comfortable church. so at home, church, school, they are the main avenues, aren't they? and i did not feel able to talk to anybody at any of those. we sit here in a tv studio talking openly so a great deal has changed. yes, a great deal has changed. yes, a great deal has changed. you wrote a book about coming out, becoming whole and living free from shane. it is a theme that courses through the book

and through your conversation. this notion of how much shame you have had to live with for so long. i am wondering, what kind of a toll, when you look back on your teenage years, what kind of a toll did that take on you? it has been vast and it is partly why it has taken so long. i did not come out until i was 35 and i think did not come out until i was 35 and ithink i'm did not come out until i was 35 and i think i'm doing a lot of that damage has taken years. in terms of looking back at the impact of shame, i see many mental health issues in my teenage years that i believe were the result of that. depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, feeling like i could not imagine a future for myself because i was not able to walk the same pathway that my straight friends were. they were initially just dating in straight friends were. they were initiallyjust dating in their teens, obviously i was unable to do that, and then as i got older, went to university, my friends began to

parer, get engaged, get married and have kids. because i could not been ina have kids. because i could not been in a relationship with someone of the same—sex because of myjob in the same—sex because of myjob in the church and views of my friends and family, i could not imagine anything. the poll was huge my mental health. and you tried once or twice to reach out, even within the religious framework in context to people, to tell them your truth. and you write so graphically about one particular instance which are stuck in my mind, this, i guess you could call, almost an exorcist at a christian camp in the countryside where people were asked to come to the stage and share particular problems and issues that were deep within them in a caring christian community. so you went forward and i think you sort of whispered to one of the adults on the stage i'm gay, i think of the adults on the stage i'm gay, ithink i'm of the adults on the stage i'm gay, i think i'm gay. i am gay. and they proceeded, and you write about it, you said that you were, frozen to the spot eyes clamped shut, face

flushed as they continue to tell me that satan and his daemons that must be gotten out of my mind, my heart and my body. i knew that being gay was sinful. i never imagined it was caused by daemons of the double. so it seems to me this sort of treatment of view by people who are deeply religious themselves was actually making things worse for you. it honestly did which was very sad. i think it isjust a lesson you. it honestly did which was very sad. i think it is just a lesson for the church to learn now about people of all ages who need to be protected from this kind of treatment. it was ina from this kind of treatment. it was in a charismatic evangelical church meeting, as we call it the church, one that has lively music and the sort of christians who believe that god is still a work today and can heal people and so somebody was on the stage saying that they used to be gay and they had been paid for and they were now straight. and then they asked if anybody to come up and receive credit for that. saw in front of 4000 people, as a

16—year—old, feeling quite shy and awkward, i made my way to the front and received prayer which, like you say, turned into an exorcism and it created so much shame, i think, because i had imagined being gay was a psychological and emotional thing, nothing to do with dark forces. the devil. the devils work. that is what i was led to believe. it is amazing what you will believe when you are surrounded by people in authority who will tell you things. i was intelligent but i somehow took on fa ct fa ct intelligent but i somehow took on fact fact that these dot forces were making the gay. so, vicky beeching, the obvious and brutal question is that in the context of all of that and the troubled mind that it was giving you, why on earth did you, first of all, decide to go to a theological college which was training people for the priesthood, orfor training people for the priesthood, or for careers training people for the priesthood, orfor careers in the training people for the priesthood, or for careers in the church, training people for the priesthood, orfor careers in the church, and then to even double down on bad and decide to sign up to a record deal with a religious music group who

wa nted with a religious music group who wanted to make you a huge star in evangelical conservative churches across america? why?! it is an interesting question and i think, looking back, i do have a lot of regret and that is something that you can only look at in hindsight. maybe, perhaps the way you had wished you lived your life. but to be honest that decision speaks of how important my faith has always been to me. ever since i was 13, at the same time i realised i was gay, i realised i wanted to will dedicate my life to working for the church. i thought about being ordained as a priest but what appeared to be my gifts was writing religious music. contemporary hymns and worship songs that people seem to enjoy singing all around the uk. christian softer could that fills those mega— churches in america? christian softer rock it is amazing. churches in america? christian softer rock it is amazinglj churches in america? christian softer rock it is amazing. i don't mean thatjudgement... softer rock it is amazing. i don't mean that judgement. .. you softer rock it is amazing. i don't mean thatjudgement. .. you are actually right. but you even signed

actually right. but you even signed a contract with the recording company that wanted to turn you into a christian star in america which had these moral clauses in it which you, honestly say in the book, you knew that what they did not specify lesbianism or homosexuality, you knew that that would be the sort of quote unquote immoral behaviour that would end, that would be unacceptable would end, that would be u na cce pta ble to would end, that would be unacceptable to the group you are signing on to. saw in a funny sort of way you were signing away your own life. essentially. itjust felt like a cruel choice. i had these two crucial parts of who i was, one was my orientation and desire for a partner and a home and family and the other part was this sense of vocation which is a very strong pool of that scientific kind of calling and mission. i felt like of that scientific kind of calling and mission. ifelt like my meaningful life was in serving god through the church in music. and that was a very important thing for me as well. so choosing between the two felt impossible because of my

family friends livelihood, all of that were on one side of the scale my sexual orientation was on the other, scale tipped in favour of staying in the closet because i felt like my whole world would collapse ifi like my whole world would collapse if i spoke out about being gay. by staying in the closet you were essentially shutting down your entire emotional life. guest. i did not realise that at the time. i was told by various christians, not once he knew about my sexuality because i was not talking about it, they would say things like it does not matter if you are single because marriage is not everything, the church can fill that gap. is community in the church, you do not need a partner. that was what i was taught, actually, in general, about marriage, because there are a lot of single women within the church. there is something extraordinarily powerful about playing on a stage in front of so many people who think that you are fantastic and maybe vanity was a part of this trade—off as well? you just loved the skill you had and what it could bring you and you made a sort of packed with yourself. the church does not

presented like that and it never feels like that. it is not like a rock concert, it is very much you either be like a priest or a preacher. you are doing your ministry, as they would call it. the meaning i found ministry, as they would call it. the meaning ifound in it was really that sense that i was filling my purpose. i felt like god wanted me to write these songs and can share them with the church. how could you feel that when the ministers, the actual pastors and preachers you are performing alongside, were preaching messages, particularly about sexuality, that ran entirely counter to your private identity and thoughts? the problem was that i believed that being gay was wrong. soi believed that being gay was wrong. so i agreed with them. did you? oh, yuma, absolutely. when something is programmed into you from such yong age, because i had programmed my brain and body and did a lot of study of the bible and church history and actually realised that it was ok. i agreed with them the whole way through. i did not live a

double life, i did not have relationships nor a private identity. i just relationships nor a private identity. ijust had a sense that i was inherently broken and very sinful and that is why i had so much shame. and i was agreeing with their message that, actually, i should not be in message that, actually, i should not beina message that, actually, i should not be in a relationship and i should get help to try and change which is incredibly sad. and you have talked about the mental health issues, and the depression. how bad did it get? got really bad, and when i came to write the book i was faced with a decision, how honest am i going to be in this book? i decided i really would tell everything, and so i talked in the opening chapter about finding myself and my late 20s, standing on the london underground, actually considering taking my own life, because i was literally that despondent about the future. i was so despondent about the future. i was so isolated, i think ijust... as you say, i basically locked myself into such a difficult situation, my entire livelihood, all those contracts, moving to the bible belt in america, not being able to talk

about why i was so isolated and lonely. i just couldn't about why i was so isolated and lonely. ijust couldn't really see about why i was so isolated and lonely. i just couldn't really see a way out. it was frightening. and i got to the point where i was just so alone and so full of shame and fear inside that i wanted to be over. so the book is very raw in that sense, it really does explain just how dark things got. it is raw, and can feel the pain in many of the pages. but i am just wondering, given what crisis you reached, how you got to a place where, as you say, in 2014 when you we re where, as you say, in 2014 when you were 35, you actually found the courage, the strength, the determination, notjust to declare to people around you that you were 93v, to people around you that you were gay, but actually to make it something of a public moment. i mean, you spoke to it end up being on the front page of a british newspaper, as it is quite a story, the notion of one of the christian world's leaving singer—songwriter is declaring she was gay. how did you get from that girl, that young woman

who almost killed herself on the london underground, to the young woman who is prepared to speak out in that way? it took a lot, and initially it was the breakdown of my mental health. so during my 20s i had a lot of anxiety, depression. like i say, found myself really suicidal point. but all of that, somehow, ijust suicidal point. but all of that, somehow, i just managed suicidal point. but all of that, somehow, ijust managed to keep one step ahead. but the thing i couldn't outrun in the end was late physical health, and i talk in the book as well about a sudden decline in my physical health. i was tired all the time, iwas physical health. i was tired all the time, i was exhausted, and suddenly i began to notice patches of white scarring my skin. and i didn't think much of it, but i went to a dermatologist and he actually diagnosed it is an autoimmune disease, and he said it was called scleroderma, and i needed chemotherapy to treat it. so it was a bombshell, really, in my life has come to a crashing halt. world dealing with it, as i say, and it ended up on the front page of the

newspaper, and it was headlined, vicky beeching, quote, i am gay and got let mejust as vicky beeching, quote, i am gay and got let me just as i vicky beeching, quote, i am gay and got let mejust as i am. when vicky beeching, quote, i am gay and got let me just as i am. when that came out, were you really sure that god loved you just the way you work, or were you fervently hoping that was the case? yes. because for a long time when you are younger you actually believe that being homosexual was fundamentally wrong. yes. so today, for example, do you truly believe that god loves you just the way you are? thankfully i do, at last. buti just the way you are? thankfully i do, at last. but i think the fact that it took me until i was 35 to come out hopefully highlights a lot of the mental work that had to go on for me to actually reassess those beliefs. so when i got diagnosed with scleroderma, i started the kino, i had to leave america, come back to the uk and have the treatment, and that was when i decided i had to come out at some point. and that is when i began really rethinking the whole issue, revisiting what the bible actually says, with academic scholarship. and

i realised, actually, that the verses i thought were prohibitive of same—sex relationships, i think we have just misunderstood them in the church. so it took a long time, yea rs of church. so it took a long time, years of study and prayer, but i do believe that now, that god creates many of us to be lgbt, and that is who we are meant to be. thing is, many people who used to be sort of coreligionists of yours, in those the nominations that one could loosely described as fairly evangelical, quote unquote fundamentalist in their christian beliefs, very heavily based upon scripture and fairly literal translation or use of scripture, they now regard you as something of a traitor. yes. they believe that you have found a path that is based upon lies, and indeed, in a sense, a betrayal ofjesus christ upon lies, and indeed, in a sense, a betrayal of jesus christ and upon lies, and indeed, in a sense, a betrayal ofjesus christ and his life and teachings. yes, i think that has been the most crushing part. i knew that i would probably lose my music career, which i did. there was a huge boycott of my

music, but ijust hadn't expected quite the amount of vitriol and backlash. as soon as i came out, and ever since, really, i backlash. as soon as i came out, and eversince, really, i have backlash. as soon as i came out, and ever since, really, i have been receiving hate mail, death threats. but why haven't you expected it? you stood there for years in churches and listen to the sermons and know exactly what they think about her sexuality, so i am surprised you we re sexuality, so i am surprised you were surprised. a new there would be some sort of response, but i think i hoped it against hope that because they knew it was me and because they liked me and sang my songs, maybe there would be a bit more compassion, or perhaps even that some churches would say, well, we know vicky, we know her music, maybe we will rethink this issue. part of the hoped for that, and in a very small number of cases that happened, but for the most part, u nfortu nately, most but for the most part, unfortunately, most churches slammed the door and told me i was choosing a life of sin, unfortunately. choosing a life of sin, and pastor scot lively responded to your coming out by saying that i am very sorry to hear that vicky has given into the light that she is a sexual,

instead of, as she could have, trying to overcome this profound challenge in her life. leading american sort of theologian of the evangelical movement said that he could only condemn the in inauthenticity of desires that contradict the handiwork of a creator. right, that shows you what iamup creator. right, that shows you what i am up against, and why it took until i was 35. are you still a christian? yes, but i think christianity is quite a broad spectrum, and i think it is important that we don't let a very extreme wing of christianity bethought % everybody. i am actually doing a ph.d. at the moment in theology, so i am very passionate about understanding the bible in an academic way. and there are plenty of people who think that you can be 93v of people who think that you can be gay and this june, of people who think that you can be gay and thisjune, it is just part of the church doesn't. indeed, and there is now a fierce theological debate about homosexuality, and to a certain extent it is personalised around you. let's leave aside theological debate. let's talk about what really matters, personal relationships. your parents. are

they fully accepting of you today? my they fully accepting of you today? my parents are amazing. they really have only wanted the best for me, andi have only wanted the best for me, and i think since i came out it has been an opportunity for us to learn. i think it is interesting when people have been in the church their whole lives, it is very difficult for people to kind of change their mind on things. but my parents and also my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, different people, they are all from the same... sorry to interrupt, we are short of time. which matters more to you, the a cce pta nce which matters more to you, the acceptance of your parents or the a cce pta nce acceptance of your parents or the acceptance of your parents or the acceptance of the church?” acceptance of your parents or the acceptance of the church? i think both equally, really. i think i would just love to be accepted for who i am by everybody. do you crave a cce pta nce who i am by everybody. do you crave acceptance from those of your community who have now walk away from you and described it as a com plete from you and described it as a complete sort of... charlatan?” from you and described it as a complete sort of... charlatan? i do, think that is part of my problem, because i stay in conversation with them. a gracious, i am because i stay in conversation with them. a gracious, iam polite, i still love the church and i belong to it. i think many people are now

my shoes may have parachuted out and become an atheist. why do you still love the church? in the church of england, within the gamut of christians are nominations, many would regard the church of england as one of the worthiest, most liberal... and yet their teaching is that same—sex relationships are central. forgive the intrusion, i don't know if you are in a relationship at the moment? not at the moment. but if you are in a relationship and get serious and wa nt to relationship and get serious and want to get married, but in the church of england, as i understand it, you still can't have a full marriage ceremony in the church. so why do you want to be in that church? because i think it is better that it be inside and change the institution. i think if ever a body like me left, there wouldn't be anybody left to fight for change. so it is uncomfortable at times, especially at the moment because there is a lot of infighting going on, but! there is a lot of infighting going on, but i think my influence is best served inside the church of england, hopefully trying to make it a better place for people like me, and if i could sum up my goal, it would be

that nobody will have to go through what i have been through again. throughout your life, you have clearly been a woman who has had to battle enormous amounts of anxiety, you say shame, terrible stresses. are you at peace today?” you say shame, terrible stresses. are you at peace today? i am, finally, but it has been a long time coming. and there are still war wounds that i deal with. i do still suffer sometimes with anxiety, depression. i have been left with chronic fatigue syndrome, known as me, asa chronic fatigue syndrome, known as me, as a kind of hangover, really, all the stress and the autoimmune issues. so i am still kind of limping along a little bit, but i'm finally able to be me. i am able to be authentic. i think that is the biggest relief. i don't have the doublethink before i say anything. i don't have to pretend to be something i am not. i can finally just right, broadcast, speaker, all the things i do now instead of my broadcast career, and just be authentic and open. and i think there is no better example of a

human, fully alive, and christian as well, living in love and peace, but someone well, living in love and peace, but someone who can actually be themselves. so that is something that i am very relieved that i finally get to do. vicky beeching, thank you very much forjoining me on hardtalk. thank you very much. hello. it's been a fairly unsettled weekend. outbreaks of rain have given way to showers which will continue to move their way eastwards. it's all down to this area of low pressure, which, come first thing monday morning, still lingers along

the eastern coasts of england and scotland, still generating some showers. and, for most, it is a day of a few sunny spells and scattered showers. and, if you catch one of those, they could still be heavy and thundery. let's look at 4:00pm in the afternoon in more detail. a fair amount of sunshine across much of england and wales, more than we saw on sunday. but notice these blobs of blue and green, indicating showers pushing west to east, maybe thunder or lightning. fewer showers for northern ireland, mainly dry here. some breaks in the cloud to give some bright and sunny spells. breaks in the cloud in murray and aberdeenshire. for much of scotland, a lot of cloud and outbreaks of rain, which will ease through the day. once again, the best of the sunshine will be for shetland. temperatures on monday in scotland, 15—19. 20 in northern ireland, and 20—24 in england and wales in the best of the sunshine. we'll still keep a few showers going through monday evening and overnight into tuesday, particularly for eastern counties of england. still keeping that zone of cloud across much of scotland, extending its way northwards into orkney and shetland. showery rain arriving into northern ireland through the early hours of tuesday morning.

it won't be a cold night, lows between 11—15 celsius. starting to feel warm and muggy again for south—eastern england. it's a real north—west — south—east split as we go into tuesday, with north—western areas closer to the front bringing our press of rain. south and east, high pressure keeps things dry and settled with sunshine across central, eastern and southern england, but starting to see a noticeable breeze across northern ireland, scotland, northern england, outbreaks showery rain working eastwards on tuesday. so a cooler feel in this zone of cloud and rain, high teens, compared to 24—25, maybe even 26 in east anglia and south—east england. a similar day on wednesday with more persistent rain and wind will be quite strong, particularly in western coasts. further south and east, it is dry with sunshine and still feeling very warm. not for much longer, though, because on thursday that band of rain will move south and east and slowly introduce fresh conditions across england and wales. so we're all in the fresher

conditions on friday, with a mixture of sunshine and showers. so, to sum up the week, it will be windy at times, showers or longer spells of rain. warmest and driest in the south and east. i'm karishma vaswani in singapore. the headlines: torrential rain and flooding across much of china — a dramatic rescue in the city of xi'an, as a sinkhole opens up in the street. grief in yemen ahead of the funerals of children killed in a saudi air strike, the worst attack involving children in three years of war. i'm babita sharma in london. also in the programme: tight security in washington, as anti—fascist demonstrators, outnumber a handful of white supremacists who held a brief rally near the white house. on its way to the sun — nasa's space probe begins its ambitious 7—year journey to reveal more about the solar atmosphere than ever before.