this is bbc news. now..0ut of the shadows: born from rape. a warning — this programme contains disturbing content. i was conceived by rape. there is no getting around it. she was raped. d0 getting around it. she was raped. do i look like the man who rapes my birth mother? he said mama my array pay because _ birth mother? he said mama my array pay because mac and i said no, vou're — pay because mac and i said no, youte my— pay because mac and i said no, you're my baby. no pay because mac and i said no, you're my baby-— pay because mac and i said no, you're my baby. pay because mac and i said no, ou're m bab . l, l, a, , l, ,, ~ you're my baby. no one wants to talk about what are _ you're my baby. no one wants to talk about what are going _ you're my baby. no one wants to talk about what are going through. -

translation: we shouldn't have to hide it any more. fin translation: we shouldn't have to hide it any more.— hide it any more. on putting one of the hardest — hide it any more. on putting one of the hardest stories _ hide it any more. on putting one of the hardest stories about _ hide it any more. on putting one of the hardest stories about my - hide it any more. on putting one of the hardest stories about my life i the hardest stories about my life out there — the hardest stories about my life out there and _ the hardest stories about my life out there. and it's _ the hardest stories about my life out there. and it's petrifying. - that was literally just that was literallyjust minutes after i gave birth to him. he was just so young. i was only ia years

when i met him. he was ten years olderfor me, and from when i met him. he was ten years older for me, and from that moment he began grooming me. at the time, i didn't see it for what it was. i thought that's how love were supposed to be. i was 15 when i got pregnant. i still remember him being in my arms, and ijust had that instant bond that a mother feels. i was so excited to be a mum. but as i got older, i started to understand what had happened to me. i remember when the thoughts first started running through my head. i

was panicking about my son. i thought, what am i going to tell my son? i couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. my son was only 12 when i had to tell him that head dad had raped and abused me, and that's how he was born. he didn't want to be the person who he was. he didn't want to be in his own skin. i blamed myself. ifelt so didn't want to be in his own skin. i blamed myself. i felt so stupid. didn't want to be in his own skin. i blamed myself. ifelt so stupid. my bruises healed. my mind didn't. we both felt so alone. and there was nowhere for us to turn. there must be others out there feeling the same way.

i used to think horrible things, like what — i used to think horrible things, like what if i go up to be like him? you feel— like what if i go up to be like him? you feel grief, you feel anger, you feel shame. you feel grief, you feel anger, you feelshame. i you feel grief, you feel anger, you feel shame-— you feel grief, you feel anger, you feel shame. i know there's nothing that i could — feel shame. i know there's nothing that i could have _ feel shame. i know there's nothing that i could have done. _ feel shame. i know there's nothing that i could have done. but - feel shame. i know there's nothing that i could have done. but it- feel shame. i know there's nothing that i could have done. but it feelsj that i could have done. but it feels like its— that i could have done. but it feels like it's my— that i could have done. but it feels like it's my fault _ that i could have done. but it feels like it's my fault that _ that i could have done. but it feels like it's my fault that i— that i could have done. but it feels like it's my fault that i am - that i could have done. but it feels like it's my fault that i am alive. i like it's my fault that i am alive. you're _ like it's my fault that i am alive. you're putting _ like it's my fault that i am alive. you're putting yourself- like it's my fault that i am alive. you're putting yourself in - like it's my fault that i am alive. you're putting yourself in your l you're putting yourself in your birth mother shoes. you're also thinking, am i going to remind her of the person who did this to her? and i think it's incredible that she even _ and i think it's incredible that she even decided _ and i think it's incredible that she even decided to _ and i think it's incredible that she even decided to keep _ and i think it's incredible that she even decided to keep me. - and i think it's incredible that she even decided to keep me. i- and i think it's incredible that she even decided to keep me. i don'tl even decided to keep me. i don't think— even decided to keep me. i don't think i_ even decided to keep me. i don't think i could _ even decided to keep me. i don't think i could ever— even decided to keep me. i don't think i could ever look— even decided to keep me. i don't think i could ever look at- even decided to keep me. i don't think i could ever look at that. think i could ever look at that child — think i could ever look at that child without _ think i could ever look at that child without thinking - think i could ever look at that child without thinking about l think i could ever look at that. child without thinking about all think i could ever look at that - child without thinking about all the abuse _ child without thinking about all the abuse l— child without thinking about all the abuse. , ., child without thinking about all the abuse. , . , ., . child without thinking about all the abuse. , . ,., . ~ abuse. i 'ust wanted acceptance. and to know abuse. ijust wanted acceptance. and to know that — abuse. ijust wanted acceptance. and to know that i'm _ abuse. ijust wanted acceptance. and to know that i'm normal. _ abuse. ijust wanted acceptance. and to know that i'm normal. despite - to know that i'm normal. despite where i have come from. the worst feelin: is where i have come from. the worst feeling is feeling _ where i have come from. the worst feeling is feeling like _ where i have come from. the worst feeling is feeling like you _ where i have come from. the worst feeling is feeling like you are - feeling is feeling like you are alone —

feeling is feeling like you are alone. you are questioning everything about yourself. do i look like a _ everything about yourself. do i look like a rapist? looking in a mirror, it is almost— like a rapist? looking in a mirror, it is almost like i could see the nran— it is almost like i could see the man who — it is almost like i could see the man who raped my mother looking back at me _ man who raped my mother looking back at me you _ man who raped my mother looking back at me. you grow up with all these ideas _ at me. you grow up with all these ideas of who you are. your kind, you're _ ideas of who you are. your kind, you're nice, and your loving. and then— you're nice, and your loving. and then you — you're nice, and your loving. and then you find out you were conceived in a violent, — then you find out you were conceived in a violent, almost hateful way. it pulls _ in a violent, almost hateful way. it pulls the _ in a violent, almost hateful way. it pulls the heart out of your world. it pulls the heart out of your world. it was _ pulls the heart out of your world. it was then— pulls the heart out of your world. it was then that he was born, after he was raped by a stranger in a park. he was raped by a stranger in a ark. ~ , ., . he was raped by a stranger in a ark. ~ i. ., .,, he was raped by a stranger in a ark. ~ ,, . ., , park. when you hear those words, it is like somebody, _ park. when you hear those words, it is like somebody, almost _ park. when you hear those words, it is like somebody, almost it's - park. when you hear those words, it is like somebody, almost it's like . park. when you hear those words, it is like somebody, almost it's like a i is like somebody, almost it's like a video— is like somebody, almost it's like a video game — is like somebody, almost it's like a video game punched into your chest and ripped _ video game punched into your chest and ripped your insides out. ijust broke _ and ripped your insides out. ijust broke down. completely and utterly lost it _

broke down. completely and utterly lost it so. — broke down. completely and utterly lost it so. i— broke down. completely and utterly lost it. so, i did meet with my birth— lost it. so, i did meet with my birth mother. and one of the first things— birth mother. and one of the first things are said to her, was if i look— things are said to her, was if i look like — things are said to her, was if i look like the man who did this to you. walk— look like the man who did this to you, walk away. i don't want to bring _ you, walk away. i don't want to bring that back.— you, walk away. i don't want to bring that back. you didn't want to u set her. bring that back. you didn't want to upset her. what _ bring that back. you didn't want to upset her. what you _ bring that back. you didn't want to upset her. what you say? - bring that back. you didn't want to upset her. what you say? she - bring that back. you didn't want to j upset her. what you say? she said it's fine. upset her. what you say? she said it's fine- you _ upset her. what you say? she said it's fine. you don't _ upset her. what you say? she said it's fine. you don't look _ upset her. what you say? she said it's fine. you don't look like - upset her. what you say? she said it's fine. you don't look like him. l it's fine. you don't look like him. that— it's fine. you don't look like him. that really— it's fine. you don't look like him. that really change things for me, it really— that really change things for me, it really did — that really change things for me, it reall did. ., , ., . that really change things for me, it reall did. . , ., ., ., really did. have you ever wanted to meet him, — really did. have you ever wanted to meet him. just _ really did. have you ever wanted to meet him, just to _ really did. have you ever wanted to meet him, just to confront - really did. have you ever wanted to meet him, just to confront him - really did. have you ever wanted to meet him, just to confront him andj meet him, just to confront him and say why did you do this? the meet him, just to confront him and say why did you do this?— meet him, just to confront him and say why did you do this? the man who did that to my — say why did you do this? the man who did that to my birth _ say why did you do this? the man who did that to my birth mother, _ say why did you do this? the man who did that to my birth mother, he - say why did you do this? the man who did that to my birth mother, he is - did that to my birth mother, he is just nothing to me. i can't be clear enough _ just nothing to me. i can't be clear enough about this. that how angry i wasn't him — enough about this. that how angry i wasn't him. but no, i wouldn't want anything _ wasn't him. but no, i wouldn't want anything to— wasn't him. but no, i wouldn't want anything to do with him. to all intents— anything to do with him. to all intents and purposes i don't think of myself— intents and purposes i don't think of myself as having a birth father. i of myself as having a birth father. i have _ of myself as having a birth father. i have my— of myself as having a birth father. i have my birth mother, and that's it. i have my birth mother, and that's it and _ i have my birth mother, and that's it. and that's enough. for i have my birth mother, and that's it. and that's enough.— i have my birth mother, and that's it. and that's enough. for me, what is hard to sit — it. and that's enough. for me, what is hard to sit here _ it. and that's enough. for me, what is hard to sit here and _ it. and that's enough. for me, what is hard to sit here and listen - it. and that's enough. for me, what is hard to sit here and listen to - is hard to sit here and listen to is that you had all this to deal with. and it has affected you so much. and

you are an adult dealing with theirs. you are in your 20s. my son was 12 years old. with no one to talk to. so i'm kind ofjust sat here thinking, ifeel talk to. so i'm kind ofjust sat here thinking, i feel in a way like ifailed him. i here thinking, i feel in a way like i failed him-— here thinking, i feel in a way like i failed him. i don't think you have it all. ithink_ i failed him. i don't think you have it all. | think that _ i failed him. i don't think you have it all. | think that by _ i failed him. i don't think you have it all. i think that by being - i failed him. i don't think you have it all. i think that by being open i it all. i think that by being open and honest you have done the best by him. and honest you have done the best by him as long — and honest you have done the best by him. as long as there is love their and you _ him. as long as there is love their and you can — him. as long as there is love their and you can show that love, and explained — and you can show that love, and explained that how he was conceived as the _ explained that how he was conceived as the most unimportant thing in the world _ as the most unimportant thing in the world it's, _ as the most unimportant thing in the world. it's, you are my son. i love you beyond — world. it's, you are my son. i love you beyond anything. you are part of me. and _ you beyond anything. you are part of me, and that's the important thing. and we _ me, and that's the important thing. and we might have to work at it more every— and we might have to work at it more every day, _ and we might have to work at it more every day, than most families, because — every day, than most families, because we are both hurting. but we are together, and that's the important thing. and you're my son.

i important thing. and you're my son. i have _ important thing. and you're my son. i have tried — important thing. and you're my son. i have tried so hard to be the best mum i can to my son. but no matter how much i love him, he still has a shadow hanging over him. and i know he has questions about his dad, but i don't know whether the reality would really help him. it! i don't know whether the reality would really help him.— i don't know whether the reality would really help him. i'd love to know where _ would really help him. i'd love to know where he _ would really help him. i'd love to know where he was _ would really help him. i'd love to know where he was buried, - would really help him. i'd love to know where he was buried, so i i would really help him. i'd love to - know where he was buried, so i could go and dance on his grave. this monstrous man that felt that he could do that and that it was ok to do that, and that it was ok to rape people. i think there is a special place in hell for people like that. is a reality that eva confronted. she grew up adopted, imagining a perfect family she would one day find. but when she met her birth

mother, the truth was much darker. she had been abused from a young age by her father. she had been abused from a young age by herfather. and she had been abused from a young age by her father. and she she had been abused from a young age by herfather. and she had got pregnant at the age of ia. i was the result of that liaison. it made me feel unwanted. a freak. but i still wanted to know more. so i rang him. and i asked him, if he had done the things that he had been accused of. and he said yes, he had. and i said to him, do you feel remorse for what you did? and he said no, i don't. and i said, would you do it again? he said yes, i would. i wanted him

to pay for what he had done. and the only way that i could see for that to happen was to go to the police. they said they needed evidence. and i said well, you've got the evidence standing right in front of you. i am living, breathing proof of the evidence. that this man raped someone. but they didn't seem to care. they didn't seem interested. i'm glad ifound out where i came from. i needed to know. i'm glad i found out where i came from. i needed to know.- i'm glad i found out where i came from. i needed to know. what was that driving _ from. i needed to know. what was that driving force _ from. i needed to know. what was that driving force to _ from. i needed to know. what was that driving force to find _ from. i needed to know. what was that driving force to find those - that driving force to find those missing pieces? i that driving force to find those missing pieces?— that driving force to find those missing pieces? i think it doesn't matter how _ missing pieces? i think it doesn't matter how horrible _ missing pieces? i think it doesn't matter how horrible the - missing pieces? i think it doesn't matter how horrible the past - missing pieces? i think it doesn't matter how horrible the past is. l matter how horrible the past is. it's like an itch that you can't scratch. .,

it's like an itch that you can't scratch.- and _ it's like an itch that you can't scratch.- and you've i it's like an itch that you can't. scratch.- and you've just it's like an itch that you can't - scratch.- and you've just got scratch. yeah. and you've 'ust got to know. you've * scratch. yeah. and you've 'ust got to know. you've got h scratch. yeah. and you've 'ust got to know. you've got to h scratch. yeah. and you've just got to know. you've got to know. - scratch. yeah. and you've just got to know. you've got to know. ed l to know. you've got to know. ed hels, to know. you've got to know. ed helps, but meeting and enabler has made me realise we are not going through this alone. and i know a bit about my own feelings, because they are just too painful to deal with. there must be other mums out there feeling the same way. x there must be other mums out there feeling the same way.— feeling the same way. x like if you in'ect feeling the same way. x like if you inject poison into _ feeling the same way. x like if you inject poison into somebody. - feeling the same way. x like if you inject poison into somebody. that| feeling the same way. x like if you i inject poison into somebody. that is exactly _ inject poison into somebody. that is exactly what happened to me. my father— exactly what happened to me. my father injected our own genes into me. father injected our own genes into me he _ father injected our own genes into me. he told me that all daddies miss the little _ me. he told me that all daddies miss the little girls. and that i fell pregnant. it the little girls. and that i fell pregnant-— the little girls. and that i fell reunant. �* ,

pregnant. it wasn't 'ust about the ra -e and pregnant. it wasn't 'ust about the rape and the h pregnant. it wasn't just about the rape and the physical— pregnant. it wasn't just about the rape and the physical abuse. - pregnant. it wasn't just about the rape and the physical abuse. it i pregnant. it wasn'tjust about the i rape and the physical abuse. it was the emotional abuse. i rape and the physical abuse. it was the emotional abuse.— rape and the physical abuse. it was the emotional abuse. i really wanted to tell what was _ the emotional abuse. i really wanted to tell what was happening. - the emotional abuse. i really wanted to tell what was happening. and - the emotional abuse. i really wanted to tell what was happening. and i i to tell what was happening. and i couldn't tell a soul. i couldn't tell anybody what happened. just what i _ tell anybody what happened. just what i had been through. this child is going _ what i had been through. this child is going to — what i had been through. this child is going to call me that as well. but i _ is going to call me that as well. but ijust— is going to call me that as well. but ijust felt sick, just, no. one of my— but ijust felt sick, just, no. one of my going _ but ijust felt sick, just, no. one of my going to do? | but ijust felt sick, 'ust, no. one of my going to do?— but ijust felt sick, 'ust, no. one of my going to do? i felt like i was 'ust of my going to do? i felt like i was just so different _ of my going to do? i felt like i was just so different to _ of my going to do? i felt like i was just so different to everybody - just so different to everybody else. and i_ just so different to everybody else. and i felt _ just so different to everybody else. and i felt so — just so different to everybody else. and i felt so alone. _ just so different to everybody else. and i felt so alone. and _ just so different to everybody else. and i felt so alone. and i— just so different to everybody else. and i felt so alone. and i was - and i felt so alone. and i was ashamed _ and i felt so alone. and i was ashamed of— and i felt so alone. and i was ashamed of myself _ and i felt so alone. and i was ashamed of myself as - and i felt so alone. and i was ashamed of myself as a - and i felt so alone. and i was i ashamed of myself as a person. and i felt so alone. and i was - ashamed of myself as a person. if ashamed of myself as a person. it” you ashamed of myself as a person. you have made me have that ashamed of myself as a person.“ you have made me have that baby, i don't think i would've survived. i don't think i would've survived. i don't think i would've survived. i don't think i would've been here today. the mac i have to survive. i have to survive to leave. i

today. the mac i have to survive. i have to survive to leave.— have to survive to leave. i put on her face for _ have to survive to leave. i put on her face for the _ have to survive to leave. i put on her face for the child. _ have to survive to leave. i put on her face for the child. put - have to survive to leave. i put on her face for the child. put them i have to survive to leave. i put on | her face for the child. put them in the bottom — her face for the child. put them in the bottom of the pram. and walked out the _ the bottom of the pram. and walked out the door. on a train. and never went— out the door. on a train. and never went back — mandy escaped the abuse, but she couldn't escape the consequences. her son was born with a genetic disability. neither of us have ever talked to another mother with a child born from abuse, so this was a first for both of us. do you think it is different for us mums, having a child conceived through abuse to having children conceived in a happy

relationship?— having children conceived in a happy relationship? yeah. how do you think it's different? — relationship? yeah. how do you think it's different? for— relationship? yeah. how do you think it's different? for my _ relationship? yeah. how do you think it's different? for my other— it's different? for my other children. — it's different? for my other children, before _ it's different? for my other children, before i - it's different? for my other children, before i knew- it's different? for my other. children, before i knew what it's different? for my other- children, before i knew what loving the baby was. and that i have the children. it sounds awful to say that. he wasn't conceived out of love. he was conceived by a monster. but by god, i love him. but yeah. yeah. i always say, i am a survivor, my son is a victim, because he is. and even everything that's wrong with him, is because of what happened to me. because a crime happened to me. because a crime happened to me. it happened to him as well. fight! happened to me. it happened to him as well. �* . . happened to me. it happened to him as well. �* , , ., ., ., , . as well. and this is going to affect them for the _ as well. and this is going to affect them for the rest _ as well. and this is going to affect them for the rest of _ as well. and this is going to affect them for the rest of his _ as well. and this is going to affect them for the rest of his life? - as well. and this is going to affect|

them for the rest of his life? yeah. i do his meals. i _ them for the rest of his life? yeah. i do his meals. i do is _ them for the rest of his life? yeah. i do his meals. i do is bathing. - them for the rest of his life? yeah. i do his meals. i do is bathing. and he always says to people, she's my mum. so, yeah. it's my son. always will be. but sometimes, you go there. and then sometimes, no, don't go there. people, when they find out, they say you're disgusting. you had an affair with her dad. that's horrible. how could you do that because mark and i didn't. i was 11. maybe younger. but the first recollection i had, i was 11. ltibiae: recollection i had, i was 11. was there ever _ recollection i had, i was 11. was there ever any _ recollection i had, i was 11. was there ever any one _ recollection i had, i was 11. was there ever any one that - recollection i had, iwas 11. was there ever any one that said this is not yourfault? there ever any one that said this is not your fault?— there ever any one that said this is not your fault?- has - there ever any one that said this is | not your fault?- has anyone not your fault? no. no. has anyone even now. — not your fault? no. no. has anyone even now. after— not your fault? no. no. has anyone even now, after all— not your fault? no. no. has anyone even now, after all these _ not your fault? no. no. has anyone even now, after all these years, - not your fault? no. no. has anyone even now, after all these years, as| even now, after all these years, as an adult or even after him going to prison, has anyone ever said this isn't yourfault? prison, has anyone ever said this

isn't your fault?— isn't your fault? no. i'm going to c now. isn't your fault? no. i'm going to cry now- well— isn't your fault? no. i'm going to cry now. well i'm _ isn't your fault? no. i'm going to cry now. well i'm going - isn't your fault? no. i'm going to cry now. well i'm going to - isn't your fault? no. i'm going to cry now. well i'm going to be - isn't your fault? no. i'm going to l cry now. well i'm going to be first. it's not cry now. well i'm going to be first. it's rrot your _ cry now. well i'm going to be first. it's not your fault. _ cry now. well i'm going to be first. it's not your fault. you're - cry now. well i'm going to be first. it's not your fault. you're not - it's not your fault. you're not to blame. �* ., ., ., ., ., blame. i'm going to, women, and our osition, i blame. i'm going to, women, and our position. i was. _ blame. i'm going to, women, and our position, iwas, all— blame. i'm going to, women, and our position, iwas, all them _ blame. i'm going to, women, and our position, i was, all them years - blame. i'm going to, women, and our position, i was, all them years ago, l position, i was, all them years ago, in pain. i'm going to be stuck here forever. you open that door, and get the hell out.

i feel a little bit ifeel a little bit at i feel a little bit at a ifeel a little bit at a loss i feel a little bit at a loss for words. i mean, she hasjust been through so much. and she is by far one of the bravest, if not the bravest person that i have ever met in my life. everyone i have met has felt so alone. and there is nothing here to help people like us. i want to see how people elsewhere in the world have changed that. rwanda is one of the only places in the world with specialist counselling for women and children born of rape. it counselling for women and children born of rape-— counselling for women and children born of rape. it was a massacre that saw a tenth — born of rape. it was a massacre that saw a tenth of— born of rape. it was a massacre that saw a tenth of the _ born of rape. it was a massacre that saw a tenth of the population - saw a tenth of the population killed. , _, y saw a tenth of the population killed. , , , ,

killed. this country suffer the aenocide killed. this country suffer the genocide in — killed. this country suffer the genocide in 1994. _ killed. this country suffer the genocide in 1994. we - killed. this country suffer the | genocide in 1994. we women, children, they _ genocide in 1994. we women, children, they were _ genocide in 1994. we women, children, they were hunted i genocide in 1994. we women, i children, they were hunted down genocide in 1994. we women, - children, they were hunted down and slaughtered. children, they were hunted down and slaughtered-— slaughtered. 800,000 people were massacred in _ slaughtered. 800,000 people were massacred in just _ slaughtered. 800,000 people were massacred in just 100 _ slaughtered. 800,000 people were massacred in just 100 days. - slaughtered. 800,000 people were massacred in just 100 days. the i massacred in 'ust100 days. the killers massacred in 'ust100 days. the kiuers were — massacred in just 100 days. the killers were a _ massacred injust100 days. the: killers were a mixture massacred injust100 days. tie: killers were a mixture of massacred injust100 days. the: killers were a mixture of regular forces and militia, who took to the street with clubs and machetes. the victims were the minority.— victims were the minority. hundreds of thousands — victims were the minority. hundreds of thousands of _ victims were the minority. hundreds of thousands of women _ victims were the minority. hundreds of thousands of women were - victims were the minority. hundreds of thousands of women were raped. | translation:.

claire was thrown into a mass grave among the dead bodies. somehow, she lived. but her ordeal wasn't over. she realised she was pregnant by one of her attackers. claire even thought about killing her baby when it was born. but when she saw her daughter's face for the first time, she knew she couldn't. hi! you must be claire and elizabeth? how are you? and you must be elizabeth? how are we doing? it's a pleasure to meet you. claire kept the truth hidden for years. it was only when she met other mothers like her that she met other mothers like her that she opened up and told her daughter how she was born.

that's when he was a little bit older.

as many as 20,000 children were born from rape during the genocide. here, they come together to talk about how it has affected them.

when i sat there as a mum, and. it's kind of like when i am seeing it from the moment, i'm knowing what my son is feeling as well. that was what made it difficult. what happened here in 199a is very different to what happened to me. but we still have so much in common. it has been incredible to see how children and mothers here dealt with their struggles by coming together. ijust their struggles by coming together. i just wish their struggles by coming together. ijust wish me and my son have not felt so alone.

things between me and my son have always been difficult. and i don't know what the future holds. sit! par! good girl! ijust wish that me and my son would have been able to process everything better than what we did. but i am his mum, and i always will love him, and he knows that. since i have been back with rwanda, i'vejust been that. since i have been back with rwanda, i've just been thinking about everything i learned there and the people that i met. and one thing that really stood out for me is everybody and wanda came together through a charity. so today, i have invited some of the people from the documentary to come together and share fields. and for some of us, it's going to be the first time that

they have ever met somebody that has been through their situation. so todayis been through their situation. so today is a really big day for them. talking about this is always going to be painful, but it feels like this is a first step. my son's birth father is there. there's not a lot of people i've talked about this with. ., �* , , of people i've talked about this with. .,�* , , ~ with. you're the first person. and --eole with. you're the first person. and people said _ with. you're the first person. and people said you — with. you're the first person. and people said you have _ with. you're the first person. and people said you have to _ with. you're the first person. and people said you have to adopt i with. you're the first person. and i people said you have to adopt him, it's going to be a constant reminder, constant all the time. and i said there was not. it's my son. it matters to me through all this because i've always been silent. now i am a woman, a fully grown woman. my i am a woman, a fully grown woman. my son looks like his dad. but that doesn't matter to me. he still my boy, so yeah. doesn't matter to me. he still my boy. so yeah-— doesn't matter to me. he still my boy, so yeah.- that's i doesn't matter to me. he still my boy, so yeah.- that's what| doesn't matter to me. he still my| boy, so yeah.- that's what i boy, so yeah. easier. that's what i said to my — boy, so yeah. easier. that's what i said to my mother _ boy, so yeah. easier. that's what i said to my mother when _ boy, so yeah. easier. that's what i said to my mother when we -

boy, so yeah. easier. that's what i said to my mother when we met. i said to my mother when we met. i said if— said to my mother when we met. i said if i_ said to my mother when we met. i said if i remind you for a second, walk away, — said if i remind you for a second, walk away, and we were totally walk away _ walk away, and we were totally walk away my— walk away, and we were totally walk away. my relationship with my birth mother— away. my relationship with my birth mother is, — away. my relationship with my birth mother is, we have started talking again~ _ mother is, we have started talking again it's — mother is, we have started talking again. it's lovely. and i hope there is love _ again. it's lovely. and i hope there is love there. but again. it's lovely. and i hope there is love there.— is love there. but honestly, every sinale is love there. but honestly, every single one _ is love there. but honestly, every single one of _ is love there. but honestly, every single one of you. _ is love there. but honestly, every single one of you. your _ is love there. but honestly, every single one of you. your incredible anyway. you don't have to feel alone. and confused. and scared. because that's how i felt. it's not that bad. you can feel a lot happier. about the subject. you don't always have to feel so sad. not to be ashamed of nothing to be

ashamed of at all and not can stop me. hello. in the last week, many of us have had a taste of spring from the weather temperatures in the mid—teens, even the low 20s across western scotland. in the next few days though, spring taking something of a back—seat as colder arctic air returns to the uk. through sunday, low pressure drifting eastwards across the uk. some outbreaks of rain, some cloud.

but later on in the day, on the rear of that area of low pressure, we pick up gale force winds across northern scotland, northerly winds, arctic air being ushered in that sinks all the way south across the uk through the early part of the new week. as we move into the small hours of sunday, some cloud drifting across the uk, some further rain for scotland, for northern ireland, and some heavier, more persistent, rain working its way in to the south coast as the night comes to a close. but with a lot of cloud around and the breeze, it will be a mild enough night. through sunday daytime, some quite persistent rain setting in across the south east of england and east anglia. showers elsewhere across england and wales. a brighter day for northern ireland in comparison to saturday. cloudy with some outbreaks of rain across the north east of scotland. and you can already see the temperatures coming down here. but the most dramatic effects will be felt through the earliest part of the new week with those particularly strong winds on into monday. and then the winds ease a little bit perhaps for tuesday and wednesday,

but the colder air sits right the way across the uk. on monday, showers pushing down into scotland, northern england falling snow to low levels, i think, across parts of scotland. a hill feature, i think, for northern england. further south it's rain but it will feel chillier for all. these are the temperatures that you'd read on a thermometer, so you can already see they're down on the figures from last week. but if we factor in the wind for somewhere like aberdeen, the daytime high, when you step outside, will feel closer to around the two degree mark. the wind easing, i think a little for tuesday and wednesday, but with easing winds monday night into tuesday, clear skies and cold air, look out for a pretty widespread frost developing. gardeners with tender plants out, definitely something to watch out for. and then looking further ahead into the week, tuesday and wednesday, quite a lot of fine weather around. but on the chillier side, more unsettled to end the week. but then it looks like we'll see some milder air returning once again.

live from washington, this is bbc news. fighting intensifies in sudan's capital — as another ceasefire fails. a story fit for hollywood — wrexham fc secures a return to the english football league. and the australian comedian barry humphries — creator of the character dame edna everage — dies age 89. hello, i'm carl nasman, thanks forjoining us. we start in sudan, where the capital city, khartoum, has seen some of the most intense fighting since violence broke out a week ago, as yet another ceasefire fails. sudan's army planned to evacuate foreign nationals,

but that hasn't been possible because of the latest escalation.