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tv   It Takes a Village  BBC News  January 2, 2025 2:30am-3:01am GMT

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your foot through it. and for a few years, my mum's best friend and her daughter lived with us, too. hello. we might be on film! 0h, hi! my mum called it the single mum's mansion, but others call it a �*mum—une�*. it was two adults looking after four children. and you divide and conquer. it was just so lovely for me to be in something again. it was great that we had each other. and just like my mum, many single parents around the world are choosing to live together. these gave me the possibility also to be kind of seen - as a parent, — as someone who knows what i'm going through. it's really a healing space. the famous scooter loop. i have wonderful memories
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of my childhood, so i want to find out how single parents and their children are coping, notjust in the uk, but around the world. and if living together is really the answer. my name is lilla, and i'm 21, studying psychology at university. but when i was five, i lived in a mum—une. when i think back on the mum—une, ijust remember lots of people being in this house. ijust remember it being fun. mum was going through a divorce and feeling lonely, and vicki, her best friend, was going through the same. i guess it's not the most traditional thing to do, but it makes so much sense when you think about it. when people need help with their kids and single parents, they don't think, "0h, i'lljust move in with my best friend who's also a single parent." but i don't know why.
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today we're back in the house where once we all lived together, because i want to understand, now as an adult myself, how it all came about. it was a very natural occurrence. organic. yeah. it was. i was trying to not say organic. _ it was a really natural occurrence. i needed somewhere to live. you had a spare bedroom? yeah _ ijust said to vic, "save your money and just move in with me for a bit with daisy and stay till christmas." yeah, stay till christmas and see what happens. and then i stayed for a few more christmases because it worked! we made it work without any fuss or fight that you might have if you were in a romantic relationship. and what were the first couple weeks or months like? how was it suddenly going from you having a newborn baby to then also having three more kids living with you? i moved in with a suitcase, a rail, a bag of clothes
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for daisy. — a couple of towels and a cot. yeah. and my life suddenly became very simplified, but i had people to talk to and be part of something again. whereas being on my own, i found really hard. because i was feeling so rubbish about, you know, going through a divorce is hard, whatever. but ijust...i just... my brain couldn't concentrate. ijust felt i got up, did child care. i was trying to work as well. and then it would be bedtime and then i'm here on my own. being responsible, the responsible adult, it's really hard. so when there's two responsible adults, the load is shared. and i think that's how we we shared. just the emotional load as well. yeah, we shared, we cried. i mean, this isn't the sofa, but the sofa was here. yeah. and we sat on the sofa a lot and cried and laughed, drank some wine
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and watched some romcoms. oh, yeah. romcoms. but we were... we wouldn't necessarily be speaking. no, but we were... we didn't need to. you're here together. ijust think it's nice. yeah. it's like a warm fuzzy feeling. yes. we made our own little family. what was the overall reaction? everybody just thought what a great idea. but then, they kept on thinking it was amazing. i think ourfriends saw us both quite broken. yeah. and picked up the pieces. and then when we when we started living together, they saw that we were getting better and that it was a good thing. it's hard being a single parent. especially when you haven't chosen to be a single parent. that was my... i would never have done this on my own because i know how hard it is. it takes a village. it's that. yeah. it takes a village. it takes a mum—une! yeah! it was really nice having two adults, i guess, in the house, because they were
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both very different. mum was obviously my mum, so she could boss me around and tell me what to do. and then vicki would be the one that would give me sweets and let me put sugar in my tea and stuff like that. mum was describing it the other day as a good cop, bad cop kind of vibe that they had going on. but it was, it was really nice because itjust... i think there was a lot of nice female energy in the house. it was like vicki was like another parent back in, in the day, really. my mum and vicki formed a collective, along with their localfriend nicola, who was also going through a divorce. so, it was three mums, six kids making it work all together. so, obviously, this is my room now, but who used to stay in here in the old days? this was my room, and i had the superking—sized bed in here. nice. and the desk was on the other side
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because that's where i used to work. and when it was a busy weekend, so when nicola and both her kids were here, and vicki and daisy and us, nicola would be with me in the king—sized bed. it was the only way we could fit everybody in, so we were a bit sardines. this was the mums�* room. the mums�* room. yeah. studies show that while single—parent families are at a higher risk of financial hardship, they are also more likely to suffer from poor mental health, often feeling isolated. in a survey in the uk, 43% of single parents reported low self—esteem, compared to 30% of coupled parents. so do you guys have any thoughts on why it's seen as an unusual thing to do, and why more people don't do it? having a spare bedroom...
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having a spare bedroom. without that, we could never have done it. it is something that's a bit more of a movement now. but i believe in america, it was actually... in so many communities it'sjust what happens. but, yeah, ithink people are wary, but people are doing it because what are the alternatives? it's quite harsh, there's the housing situation. yeah. and it's easy for me in my ivory tower to say that, but i know that it is. yeah. — life's expensive. life's really expensive. and having a baby is really expensive. yeah. but friends moving in together with kids... ..it works. it worked for us. how much do you reckon goes on one? like how much of a jar? so i normally do it... i start at the top. i do have a systematic approach. well, you should have showed me that first. sorry. i'm really excited to meet some other people that have done similar things to what mum, vicki and nicola did,
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because i want to see how they're set up and experiences similar or different to what i know and what i can kind of remember. is the switch on the right setting? yeah, it's hot. i'm a bit nervous to interview people cos i've never done it before, but i'm hoping that it's going to be ok. but mostly i'm excited and...curious. i'm curious about what everyone�*s going to tell me. right, this is it. this is... they're definitely done. yes. perfect. the word mum—une was actually coined by a mum in california called carmen boss in 2002, and it's definitely more of a thing in america than it is in europe. hi, i'm brooke, - a single mum of three living the lake life . in small—town texas. hello.
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hi. i caught up with brooke and herfriend djemilah, two mums who literally built their mum—une with their own two hands. so how did it all start, then? how did you guys meet and how did you decide to set up living together? so it was kind of like an organic thing - that we weren't expecting to really be _ a long—term thing either. actually, brooke used to have a coffee shop in town, - and my partner at the time, which i was living with in texas, _ he had sold her some services for her coffee shop. _ shortly after that, we separated - and i was like, _ "i can't do this anymore." it was a very toxic environment. - and then he tells me, "i'm leaving. -
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you could tell that brooke lady that i'm not going - you could tell that brooke lady that i'm not going to fulfil- the work that - i charged her for." and so i reached out| to her and i was like, "hey, so i will fulfil the work for you, just if you can, - like, give me a second because i don't have . anywhere to live. " yeah. and that was kind of something that i had personal experience with. when i was younger, i was in a really, really abusive relationship and was able to get out through some social services. and after that, i always wanted to be able to provide that for someone else. and the timing just worked out in that i had just moved out of the rv into the cottage. and so i was living there and i had an empty rv, and i was like, "well, hey, if you need a place to live, you know, i'm a single mum, too, and i've got this space. do you want to come check it out and see if it would work for you and your daughter?" how was building your own house? cos that's pretty incredible. it hasjust been, - like, just a whirlwind of trying to learn
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how to do it. - laughing. so i have some building experience. i've been doing, like, furniture and carpentry for about 15 years. i live in a converted shed, and i did all the finish work myself. it took about a year of work after work to get it to a point where i could move in. and with djemilah's, we had this cover over the rv and one day we were just sitting outside and we were, like, "this would be a really cool house." and then we just did it. we just started going. i we had the audacity to try. yeah _ it's been really great for ouri children, especially the girls, because we have three girls to watch their mums - create their homes. we have this kind of little i tiny collective of two houses where we get to live next. to each other and cooperate and have a little community
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and also have our own - separate spaces - where we canjust kind of, yeah, live our lives _ and have some peace and heal after all of the life that happened between us. j and we've got four kids - that share this space with us, and we're really excited to keep growing. - brooke and djemilah have built something special. when i spoke to them, they said they thought they'd been lucky. that was also a word my mum used. so i wanted to speak to someone who helps mums that aren't so lucky. you work with single mums, right? and what kind of things do you help them with with this charity? so the main thing that's coming up a lot is housing. so i get enquiries from, like, the perinatal teams, the community midwives, a number of mothers on their caseload that are homeless, are in temporary accommodation, unsuitable accommodation as well. to me, your basic need is food, shelter and water. like, you need a roof over your head
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or somewhere to lay your head, especially if you've got children or a child. isolation as well. mothers are very, very isolated. everybody needs a network. and i think in the times that we're living in now, parenting doesn't come with a manual. so it's important to find a mother, even if it's just to bounce things off to say, "yeah, me, too." setting up communal living, like what mum and vicki did, but maybe on a bigger scale, do you think that could help with all these problems? because it sounds like they all come down to housing. yeah, it really does. and support. yeah. you know, and support. so setting up something where not only you've got a roof over your head, but you've got on site support — i think that's every mother's dream. you know, being able to just call on somebody or somebody, say, "i'll hold the baby while you, you know, take a half an hour nap." everybody uses the saying, "it takes a village." that's your live—in village, when you think about it, and if the dynamics
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are right, it can work, and you're a by—product of that, clearly! a survey in the uk found that 47% of single parents live in poverty compared with 24% of couple parents, and with the average cost of rent rising at record levels, it's no surprise to learn that housing is one of the biggest problems single parents face, particularly when they're competing against two—income families. but there is one company in france that rents exclusively to single parents. hello. nice to meet you. i'm lilla. i'm tara. commune is a property business which has just started. so i wentjust north of paris to see how it could make a difference for single—parent families. so in this commune, we've got 13 units. so every unit can accommodate one family. here we go. whoa!
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and so, here we're in a trio unit. so it's a unit that can accommodate a parent and up to two children. so here is the child or children's bedroom. and here is the parent's room. the whole idea started right before covid, when i was headhunted by a co—living company, and that's how i discovered the whole thing about co—living and shared housing and so on. a couple of months later, covid hit, and with it, the loneliness pandemic, and i realised that co—living was super interesting for isolated groups of people. the largest demographics with the most unmet needs were single parents and their children, who are systematically competing with dual—income applications
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when they're searching for housing, and it became very obvious that co—living, as a fully—inclusive housing and service solution, was something that had great potential, and, surprisingly, i realised that no—one else in the world had thought about it, or launched a company around that successfully. so i decided to take up that challenge, and now it's been almost eight months that we've been accommodating families and their children. what's the feedback you've received from people living here? people are very excited to find the community and the village, basically, they were looking for, and even if it's not easy to, like, adapt to a new way of we, — learning to live with tons of neighbours with whom you share your laundry and your dishes and having this playroom, where you've got lots and lots of kids making lots and lots of noise. obviously,
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it has its challenges. but, mostly, people are extremely happy, and so far, they're staying, so it must be working. did you learn in school? yes, i learned in school, but... i caught up with one of the parents, yuna, who moved in with her two—year—old son. how do you find it, living with other parents?
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this commune is a good example of how single parents can help each other. of the ten parents currently renting, nine are mothers, and one is a single dad, because, of course, it's notjust mums who are single parents. so what about the dads? hello. lovely to meet you. welcome. come in. thank you. artworks. beautiful! back in the uk, i went to meet two dads, lenart and simone, who, two years ago, had never met. i wanted to see what they had created for themselves, for lenart�*s son luca and simone�*s daughter frida. did luca get frida the dragon from ljubljana? yeah, they went on holidays and they came back with this for frida. so it's a little dragon that protects her during the night. so she's very keen on it, yeah. i was wondering if you could tell me how you guys met and how this all started?
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i was looking for a new place. i was already sharing a house with other two flatmates and i had my daughter, which was four at the time, and ifound it very hard, being a single parent, to find a new place. i can't afford a place for myself, so i had to share, and so after months of research, i decided maybe it's worth trying to find another parent to buddy up with and to find a house together. so i started looking around, and then i found out on this website where you can find rooms, there's a section for that purpose for buddying—ups, and there i found a few single parents. i got a phone call. i was very surprised, because my profile was there for about three years without any contact. but, yeah, after the phone call,
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there was a few quick coffees, we kind of got along. the idea of living together seemed reasonable. then the kids met. they got along very well. they started playing instantly. they didn't squabble, they didn't bicker. so that was also a good thing, and then we just started looking for available flats. so how long has it been going on for now? we've been in this place for a bit over a year. the kids, they get along very well. we do, as well. we are a similar age. also, the kids, exactly the same age. they are two months apart. so they basically live with one of their best friends, and it's sweet. they're always looking forward to meet each other. yeah, and, obviously, you know, we help each other. we help where we can, and sometimes the day isjust too long, and a 20—minute distraction for the kids, where you can do something, is worth its weight in gold. it sets you in a different kind of mindset,
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and you feel much more at home and at ease. it's a home. yeah, it's a home. have there been any challenging aspects of it or has it been pretty smooth sailing? compared to, you know, to a situation where you would share anyway, i don't see really any particular challenge in this. one thing which might be difficult, sometimes, you know, it's kind of understand each other�*s boundaries when you are dealing with a child, because we're both parents, we both, you know, love each other�*s kids, and sometimes, maybe you want to kind of intervene, or do your own things, but you have to respect, you know, the other parent's way of doing stuff. so that's something that can be challenging sometimes to understand, you know, where your kind of limit is, and that requires a bit of communication, obviously, between the two of us. what are the best bits, then, of living together?
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peace of mind, like, you don't feel you have all the responsibility on your shoulders, and, also, it is nice to see the impact he is having on my child. so here we have you... and this is... luca. she loves having a friend to live with, and also kind of an uncle, or i don't know how to, you know, call him, but that cares about her and loves her. it's kind of a new role. am i holding luca's hand? yes. nice. we're all holding hands. oh, that's lovely. what's your future plans, then, together? is it going to continue in the long—term? yeah. we briefly talked about next steps, which would be put the little ones in their own room. yeah. upgrade, not change. yeah. nice. and sometimes my
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daughter asked me if... if "can we can we live together forever? " uh, so i feel like, oh! no! i have two yellows and you have two yellows, as well... after going over to simone and lenart�*s today, i came away with such a warm feeling. they've created such a lovely space for their children, and the way that they were talking about their kids and their relationship together, as well, it was really special. iwin! i you win. idid it! it reminded me of how my mum—une was just as lovely, and how dealing with my parents�* divorce was balanced out with so much joy and fun. we had our own little family. it was all good. i know lots of friends that can remember
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when their parents were separated, quite a negative experience, but from my memories, you and dad have always been friends. yeah. which was obviously very lucky. and if it's because vicki helped you... totally. it's because vicki was here. it totally is because vicki was here. because half the time when you're a parent going through something like that, you do lash out. you are angry. but i had someone who had my back, and also, yeah, your dad and i are friends. we're good friends, and i would not want it to be any other way. yeah. cos it's what's best for everybody, really, and i do think being in the mum—une had a huge part to play in that, massively, yeah. being a single mum can be really challenging when you don't have a back—up, and we've been able to give each other that back—up. we're just here tol support each other and raise the kids -
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and make sure that they have the best lives - that they can possibly have. i think, if there was a situation where i was a single parent, i would definitely do it. i think it's a wonderful thing, that it helps people heal and rebuild new relationships. it's who you choose to love and care about and rely on and to have a supportive relationship with. community is so important, and we're quite an individualistic society, and it's nice to see people relying on and getting help from other humans, as well. really lovely to see. hello. the new year didn't get off
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to the best of starts weather—wise. some parts of the uk had strong winds, heavy rain and flooding and with that rain clearing away, we've been ushering in some colder air. so frost and ice to start thursday morning, and then a day of sunny spells and some wintry showers. the satellite picture clearly shows the band of cloud that brought the heavy rain on new year's day, but then a clearance — those clear skies pushing down from the north. also a speckling of shower clouds and this cold air digging southwards. so a widespread frost and some ice to start thursday morning. could be some slippery surfaces for the journey back to work. many places through the day, though, will see lots of blue sky and sunshine, but some wintry showers running down this east coast. some for wales, northern ireland, the odd shower for south—west england and frequent snow showers in the north of scotland — further accumulations of snow are possible here. windy up towards the north and the east. a cold day — i think there will be parts of scotland and the north of england that
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may not get above freezing all day long. and then through thursday night, another very cold one. but this band of rain, sleet and snow pushes southwards — that could give rise to some slippery surfaces again on friday morning. widely, those temperatures well below freezing, so another cold start on friday. again, we'll see some spells of sunshine, perhaps a bit more cloud in the mix this time. some showers for northern ireland, wales, north west england, the midlands — some of these actually i think falling as rain, particularly at low levels. still a fair bit of snow in the showers across the north east of scotland where it will stay fairly windy — another cold day. and it stays cold into saturday. in fact, there could be some areas of low cloud mist and freezing fog, and if that fog lingers for a good part of the day, those temperatures really will struggle. some wintry showers up to the north. you can see confirmation of those low temperatures through the afternoon, but some wet weather pushing in from the south—west, and this could cause some problems. low pressure swirling in from the south—west,
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some wet weather, some windy weather, but bumping into the cold air, some of us could see significant snow. uncertainty about the detail at this range, but some travel disruption is possible. it is worth staying in touch with the forecast. bye for now.
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live from singapore this is bbc news. 15 people killed after a van ran into crowds in new orleans. the manner carried out the attack, a us army veteran from texas. an islamic state flag was found in the vehicle. on the city, the spirit
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of new orleans will never, never be defeated. it will always shine. investigators are seeing if it is linked to the explosion of a cybertruck outside las vegas hotel. welcome to newsday. we start this hour in the united states where the man who drove into a large crowd in new orleans in the early hours of new year's day has been identified as 42—year—old shamsud—dinjabbar. 42—year—old shamsud—din jabbar. a us 42—year—old shamsud—dinjabbar. a us citizen and army veteran from texas. at least 15 people have died and dozens more injured. the attacker was killed in a shootout with police in which to officers were injured. authorities say the attack was an act of terrorism and jabbar was not the only one responsible. these images show a group of police officers running towards the scene and this picture from
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