it turns out jeb bush identified himself as hispanic back in 2009. i understand pretty it is an innocent mistake. it reminded me when i identified myself as americans back in 1961. [laughter] now, that is not really an apt comparison. believed the earth revolved around the sun, he believes the earth revolves around ted cruz. that when aoint out guy who has his face on a help

shoes self-centered, you know you have a problem. the narcissism index is too high.up a little meanwhile, rick santorum said he would not attend the same-sex wedding of a loved one. to encourage same-sex couples replied, that is not going to be a problem. do not sweat it. and donald trump is here. still. [laughter] [applause] timeay, it is amazing how flies. presidentialrst contest will take lace and i, for one, cannot wait to find out who the code others pick.

marco rubio, scott walker, jeb bush, who will finally get it? the winner gets a billion-dollar war check. be thenner-up gets to bachelor on the next season of "the bachelor." but seriously. a billion dollars. from just two guys. is it just me, or does that delay little excessive. it is almost insulting to the candidate. the koch brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get people to like one of these people. that has got to hurt their feelings a little bit. look, i know i have raised a lot of money, but in all famous -- but in all fairness

[inaudible] [laughter] [laughter] the trail has not been easy for my fellow democrats either. know, hillary's e-mail has gotten her into trouble. frankly, i thought it would be her instagram. [laughter] things off by going completely unrecognized at a temple lay. outdone, martin o'malley went completely unrecognized at a martin o'malley campaign event. [applause] and bernie sanders might run. i like bernie.

he is an interesting guy. apparently, some people would really like to see a cut smoking socialist in the white house. we could get a third obama term after all. it could happen. -- a pot-smoking socialist. i want to close on a more serious note. i often joke about tensions between me in the press, but honestly what they say does not bother me. i understand we have an adversarial system. i am a mellow sort of guy. i invitedis why luther, my anger translator, to join me here tonight. [applause] >> hold on it to your

t.ily-white but : white house correspondents dinner is important. bush -- : -- >> we depend on white people to terrify [indiscernible] obama: we will not always see eye-to-i've. for two weeks, we were the

walking dead. by the way, in case you haven't noticed, you do not have a ebola. president obama: but i do deeply appreciate the work that you do. that bigber when those hole in the bottom of the gulf of new mexico and i plugged it? which obama was that? i can't remember. obama: protecting our democracy is more important than ever. the supreme court ruled that the donor who gave ted cruz six movie dollars was just exercising free speech. was likeind of speech this, i just wasted $6 million. president obama? president obama: hillary will have to raise money to. bags over yet, she is going to get the money. she didn't get all that money. [indiscernible]

watch out. nonstopnt obama: the increase -- focus on money creates problems for democracy. >> were not running? who the hell said that? toesident obama: we need stay focused on big problems like climate change. >> in case you haven't noticed, california is bone drive. dry.ona -- bone dry. president obama: that the science is clear. nine out of the 10 hottest years ever came in the last

decade. >> im am not a scientist but i know how to count to 10. thequitoes, people on trains. stinking it up. it is nasty. : look at whatma is happening right now every serious scientist sais we have to act now. of doing anything about it, we have elected officials throwing snowballs in the senate. it is crazy. what about our kids? -- >> woe, whoa, whoa. dude. president obama: hey. what? , youll due respect sir

need not an angered trainer but a counselor. i am outta here. i don't what he get in all this. -- i don't want to get in all this. [applause] [laughter] obama: luther, my anger translator, ladies and gentlemen. now that i got that off my chest -- ,investigative journalism explanatory journalism, exposesism that corruption into in justice and gives voice to the different and the marginalized, the voiceless. that is power. that is privilege.

important to america's trajectory, values, ideals, the and anything we could do in elected office. we remember journalists we lost over the past year. love, jamesght foley, murdered for nothing more than trying to shine a light into some of the worlds darkest corners. [applause] journalists the unjustly present around the world including our own jason. for nine months, jason has been imprisoned in tehran for nothing more than writing about the hopes and the fears of the iranian people, carrying their stories to the washington post in an effort to bridge our common humanity. jason's brother is here tonight

and i have told him personally we will not rest until we bring him home to his family safe and sound. [applause] these journalists and so many morers do their work as than just a profession, as a public good. pillar of ourble society. so i want to give a toast to them. i raise a glass to them and all of you, with the words of the american foreign correspondent dorothy thompson, it is not the fact of liberty but the way liberty is exercised that ultimately determines whether or not liberty itself survives. thank you for your devotion, for exercising our liberty, and

for telling our story. the bless you and god bless united states of america. [applause] >> before i introduce our final speaker, let me take a moment to its knowledge the hard work of a few people whose friendship has been so valuable during this past year. i want to thank the eight members at the first table, the eight members of the board. they fight hard to do their job with excellent and to help you do yours. [applause] i especially want to thank vice

president carol lee. no one fights harder than she does for what she believes is right. she is a fierce advocate for press read them and she will be your president next year. [applause] i wanted to knowledge our incredible executive director, julia. julia, thank you for keeping this association's heart in the right place or so many years. [applause] you george, our lawyer. your insightful counsel and devotion to our core mission of fighting for openness and transparency. i think the tribune publishing bureau for their support,

especially my outstanding bureau chief david and my white house colleague, kathleen hennessey, mike, and amy. i think a couple of visionary , the los angeles times and of the chicago tribune. our -- all of us are lucky to work for wise publishers at the tribune. and finally, i say hi to my dad who is watching this on fox news. in and my family right here indeed. see. and to my family right here in d.c. now, let me introduce our next speaker cecily strong. like the president and the first lady, cecily is from

chicago. she came up through second city comedy and is now one of the most recognized members of the snl cast. cecily is no stranger to political journalism. her father, though strong, was journalist in the state house. i am sure tonight he is also a proud father. bill, welcome. [applause] at last years's dinner, association president steve drew attention to the increasing diversity of the white house press corps. tonight, we strike a blow for diversity are a -- diversity and political commentary. i do not know why, but women almost never serve in the position cecily is about to tonight.

it is about time. cecily, i gladly welcome you to this podium. [applause] cecily: ok. it feels right to have a woman following president, doesn't it? good evening. i am cecily strong. you may know me from saturday night live or as the ethnically ambiguous girl from every college or sure. i am sort of a mash-up from all of the people in hillary clinton's announcement video. i am also the first straight 20 years.host this in so, we finally made it, straight people. heterosexuals my that,? just because i am a woman does not mean i'm going to go easy

on you people. i am going to go easy on you people because my brain is smaller. [laughter] i feel very lucky to be her. proved thathost speaking at this dinner is an amazing opportunity that can take you from starring on a show in nbc all the way to starring in that same show, but i took amtrak here. it was way more luxury us and i thought. do you know they have massage seats available? all you have to do is said in front of joe biden. his hands do not get tired, somehow. i hope everyone enjoyed dinner. pizza, but they heard a rumor that barney frank might be her. thanks a lot, bernie.

we could've had that world-famous indiana pizza. that joke about indiana because i am from illinois. the white house correspondents dinner is a chance for all of you to unwind, relax, and laugh as soon as you notice someone slightly more powerful than you is laughing. be up to.so weird to ok, i promise since i am only a comedian i am not going to try to tell you politicians how to do politics or whatever. that is not my job. that would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body. i mean, can you imagine? [applause] tonight's event is being broadcast on c-span, so for some of you watching this on since then, hello. but to most of you watching

this on c-span, meow. from audience] if you do not know how to find c-span on your remote, just hit the page up button until your thumb cramps up. i want to do a check will stop ok, camera one. that said, that is all of their cameras. it is great to be here at the washington hilton. it is something a prostitute might say to a congressman. the washington hilton, you guys. man. talk, theyalls could oruld probably say "clean me co you know, it is crazy to

think our president is right here in the ballroom of a washington hilton. in it is even crazier to think our vice president is in the chuck e. cheese. the the walls -- but washington hilton is great. i bet the president walked in and said, finally, some decent security. no, but seriously. let's give it up for the secret service. i won't be too hard on those guys, because they are the only security guys in the country that will get in trouble if a black eye gets shot. "boo" or are you saying "true."

i'd like to say hello to everyone, all the way to the print journalists who are busing the tables in the back. msnbc is here. i love msnbc. even its call letters are overlong. many -- msnbcshow thats as so many prison documentaries. fox news is here. fox news has been losing a lot of the viewers lately, and may they rest in peace. that is nice to say. hot ladies.l is all every scene that looks like a weekend at bernie's.

you have to give it up to cnn. whenever a big story breaks, i can turn to cnn and watching anthony boyd gaming eat a cricket. -- anthony bourdain. buzzfeed is here. you a list of 17 reasons why they should not be. get.guys, do not usa today is here. they are only here because they were slipped under the hotel door. that is usa today, unless today is saturday or sunday. npr is here. they are right at the front. of success with

their podcast which asked -- answered the question, what would it be like if someone whispered an episode of dateline. sarah, i am sorry you were not able to get your plus sign out of jail in time. next season, pick someone who definitely did it. amanda knox. there is dna on the knife, you guys. nbc is here. snl got criticized this year for making fun of isis. that is unfair. if anyone is guilty for taking is the nsa.htly, it you know? oh. and what can i say about brian while you? nothing. because i work for nbc. there are so many stars from so

many great shows here. we are really in a golden age of television, but i have two say i still see so many negative portrayals of black and gay people out there. it is 2015 and we still have tv lemmon.er is like dawn -- it is ridiculous. the cast of orange is the new black is here and i think that is bad after the way they treated those whales at sea world. the cast of silicon valley is here and they said even they have never seen this many nerds. you are lucky hillary clinton is not here because if you through your black area at her, she would just delete

willything right off of it stop hillary clinton said she used her private e-mail because she did not want to use more than two devices. if that sounds familiar, it is also one of the rolls from the sex contract in 50 straits of gray. you might notice i am a little hand. -- tn. -- tan. from a fabulous trip. i brought my instagram pictures to show you. see, there is me. i do not even need a surfboard. i just use errands habs. then we went diving into this cool swimming pool he had built.

it hurt when i landed. aaron made his own parachute out of a gift some fishermen gave him. here we are at the eiffel tower in paris. president, you should really think about going there sometime. inhear the weather is nice january. here we are on our trip to california. we must have done this for hours and hours. just so much wasted water. fun. here we are on dinosaur island. in tier we are after hunting the dinosaurs. who is that? brian williams? what are you doing there, you rascal? aaron and i, we just had so much fun. i know what you are thinking

but it was not romantic, it was strictly a friendship trip. he reminded me every day. but just because he resigned it does not mean there are not any smoking hot congressman left. looking out tonight, i see so many tens. well, washington tends. new york fours. 30's.na illinois senator harry reid is retiring after spending 30 years in congress. many of you do not know, but he was a boxer before he spent five years as a punching bag. one of my favorite things that happen in congress this year was when one of the senators brought in a snowball to prove that climate change was real. that blew my mind. first prize, jim.

dang. you brought science to life, man. so cool. senator tom cotton got 47 other senators to sign and an -- and open letter he wrote to iran. the most surprising thing is a guy named tom cotton is a senator and not a rabbit from an old racist disney cartoon. now, in tom cotton's defense, he was just trying to repair america's strained relationship with israel. but we don't have to worry about that. relationship will be better just as soon as israel makes a generous donation to the clinton foundation. been a great year for

women, as always. this year, a representative from hobby lobby said they did carewant to pay for health if it covered things like contraceptives. which is weird, because all i ask them was, what i'll is the yarn and? actually, i do love hobby lobby. i went there this morning and got a wicker basket to hold all of my morning after pills. representative recently asked if gynecological exams by a womanonducted swallowing a camera, and they can't. so he and his wife have ruined a perfectly good go pro. so much to talk about this

year. big story, the republicans finally succeeded and obama is being forced out of office in 18 months. you did it! and so many great people of already announced they are running for president. like, who should i even before? marco rubio, who is better than marco rubio #hillary. who is more knowledgeable about foreign policy? hillary. hillary's campaign slogan is, it is your time. is what she says into a mirror when she is dead lifting 200 pounds. i am excited about hillary running. though i am not sure she is excited about having to run. the same wayfeels