see you next summer. ♪ [ male announcer ] get exceptional values on the highest quality cars at the summer of audi sales event. ♪ >> my mission is simple. to make you money. i'm here to level the playing field for all investors. there's always a bull market somewhere and i promise to help you find it. mad money starts now. >> i'm cramer. welcome to mad money. welcome to cramerica. other people want to make friends. i'm just trying to make you money. my job isn't just to entertain but i'm trying to teach and coach. so call me. every time you think you've seen it all, every time that we thought there can't be any more scandals as bad as the last one

or any more chicanery that can top the most recent travesty well, wall street comes up with a new one that makes you feel like it's not worth it to be involved in our beloved stock market. i can't tell you how many times i have come out here on days when there was bad news involving ipos and glitches or insider trading or flash crashes and say to myself how can people take this anymore? the abuse. the answer, frankly there's really no other choice. you simply can't make enough money in any other asset class. particularly bonds where the rates are so, so low. to be able to retire or take that trip you want. pay for tuition. bonds can't pay that tuition. you got to own stocks. you know what you need, though, you need a survival handbook. that's what i'm giving you tonight. first, scandal is not new to wall street.

i lived through the 1980s. stock markets mechanisms haven't always been smooth. the '87 market crash. i traded through that. that had more to do with machines going wild than anyone remembers. it looked like the economy was going to get weak because of the crash. it didn't. it was strong. that said, we do seem to have really ratcheted up the unfairness. who can forget the hideous event that was the long awaited facebook fiasco. this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to bring people back to the stock market. a company with a billion users coming public. a sterling reputation. a loved product. quirky but no more quirky than google. everyone in it had already gotten rich. the company had tons of money on hand. wasn't like they needed to be greedy. it would have been an unbelievable moment to price the deal reasonably so everyone won.

they offered it at $38 a piece, a price they knew was at the top end of the range. especially given last minute information that they were being challenged by going desktop to mobile. now the deal flops in an outstandingly horrible way. making matters worse, the nasdaq couldn't even get the stock open and when it did the deal fell apart before our eyes. no one even could even sell. total chaos, confusion and overvaluation. a classic opportunity to bring people back to the stock market was botched, and we had still one more event that drove people to the sidelines. it was just like the dotcom bomb that i lived through, 1999-2000. how about the flash crash in may of 2010 when the market lost $10 trillion because of a computer glitch. i was on television when it happened. it's one of the most embarrassing and least

reassuring events i've ever seen. who could trust that with their life savings? stocks didn't even seem like an asset class that day. seemed like smoke and mirrors. how about the latest round of insider trading scandals. the biggest one ensnared hedge fund managers and he was director of goldman sachs. got 11 years in the slammer. i'm not even talking about the madoff scandal, what the government overlooked. they can't protect you from the scams. many people knew the returns were too outrageous to be real. all these firms allegedly connected to sac capital. how do you vaccinate yourself from all this? how do you protect yourself from this chicanery? first some can't be stopped no matter what happens. you're lucky if you are able to avoid it. great. but you can't. you never know when it's going to strike. i can't protect you from economic collapse and the great

credit crunch of 2008, 2009, even diversification only caused you to lose less in that year. consolation, maybe. the great destruction of wealth, nothing can protect you if you own stocks. but i can offer you simple rules that will let you have more confidence in the stock market even if you think portions of it are rigged or beyond your comprehension. first rule, know what you own. everyone thinks they know what they own but how does this protect you from the myriad ways people and machines can abuse you? if you know what stock you own and the stock goes down, a la the flash crash, you'll be able to take advantage of that, the mechanical lunacy, and buy more at lower prices than you thought you would get. second, if you know what you own, you can handle a stock that plummets. facebook is actually a good company. maybe you could buy it on the way down and get a better average. third if you know that you own

what you own, then who cares about guys like raj or gupta or any of these guys nailed by the u.s. attorney? what does it mean? if you know what you own you are in control of your own destiny. a lot of people think they know what they own. it's a real issue. it's a practical way to look at it. first, say you stop me coming out of the new york stock exchange one day down at wall street and this happens five or six times every single day. let's say you shout at me. you say hey cramer, what do you think of that xyz corp. i say what do you think? tell me what it does. tell me why you bought it. the vast majority of the time people don't know either answer. they don't know either answer. they usually got a tip or saw a chart or heard from some uninformed source that it was

going to the moon. but they have no idea what it does or how it's even doing. they don't know in a lot of cases what it makes. how it makes its money. they don't know if it pays a dividend or if it makes money or loses money. they have no idea. by the way, i see this all the time too, jim cramer on twitter, should i buy more, should i cut my losses. i say why did you buy it in the first place, and if you don't know, of course you should sell. here's what you need to do. ask yourself the same questions i put to the perfect strangers every day. can you answer them? do you know them? if not, you shouldn't be investing in that stock. maybe you shouldn't be investing in any stock until you do. there's always index funds and good mutual funds. the first rule is get some knowledge, please. know what you own. can you describe it to me? can you tell me what it does and why you bought it and give me a three sentence pitch about why it's good? if you can't, don't bother me and don't bother buying. here's a promise and a prediction. you're just going to lose

yourself some big time money. why don't we start with questions? scott in colorado, scoot. >> hey jim, i have a question about price targets. when an analyst sets a target price, how does that fit in my planning for evaluating stocks, and when does that price target expect to be fulfilled by the analyst? >> one of the reasons why i'm mutual on price targets, is because these analysts as the stock goes down they keep making their price targets lower, and as the stock goes up they make the price targets larger. it really isn't all that valuable. what i find valuable is what they think the stock is going to earn, and then we try to apply a multiple to it. the key thing is the earnings estimates of the future. that's why stocks trade where they do. profits. and then we can figure it out on a case by case basis. don't use their price targets. steven in california, steven. >> yes, jim.

i found a stock before and it had a reverse stock split. it didn't do that good. i'm wondering, when a company does a reverse stock split, are they trying to make it more interesting for other companies, or are they just trying to save money? >> no, steven, it's a great question. what they're trying to do is save embarrassment. citi group did this. they really felt a stock under $5 wouldn't attract institutions. they like to buy stocks over $5. it was a way to gussy it up a little. it has nothing to do with the fundamentals of the company. it doesn't help or hurt them but it does make a stock more investable to institutions, whether you think it should or not. everyone needs the stock market. everyone needs a survival guide to the stock market, and it's a jungle out there, so the way we're going to start is if you know what you own and can explain it to me, then you can buy more if it goes down.

mad money will be right back. >> don't miss a second of mad money, follow @jimcramer on twitter. have a question, tweet cramer, #madtweets. send an e-mail to mad money@cnbc.com or give us a call at 1-800-743-cnbc. miss something? head to mad money.cnbc.com.

welcome back to cramer's stock market survival school, where i'm giving you your g.e.d.

in trading during tough markets and your b.a. in investing. your masters in what to do when the machines rise up. like terminator 2 judgment day. caused the market to plunge 1,000 points for no reason. look at may 6th of 2010 and if you listen and you listen well maybe you'll get your doctorate in making money when everyone else is losing it. that's the degree i want. we may not be able to control the amount of pain the market throws our way but we absolutely can control -- >> the house of pain. >> how we deal with it. we can control whether we're prepared for the pain. whether we're positioned so we don't lose more money than we should because we have taken proper precautions. there's risks you need to watch out for in order to guard and expand your wealth. right now i'm talking about how you can deal with the risks that come from being a human being. from simply being human. there are many of them, and if you're not careful, you could end up doing more damage to your portfolio than any external force, any negative that takes

down stock. basic investing mistakes can still lead to enormous investing losses. i'll help you to make your portfolio safe, maybe from yourself, so ensure you're in a position to make money, not lose it no matter how broken or rigged the game may seem to you. i don't think it is. but i do not quibble with those that think it is. you can't afford to make the mistakes regular investors make all the time. here are my rules were agony proofing your portfolio. lesson number one is to know what you own. each stock requires time and homework. got to be able to explain it to me, what it does and why you bought it. lesson number two, never buy stocks on margin, meaning do not borrow money from your broker to purchase stocks. these are not homes you can live in if they go down. it's okay to take out a mortgage

in that case but not stocks. it's not home. it's a piece of paper that can go down in value. the brokers always want to make a lot of money off of it. buying on margin may seem like a great method for making a small amount of money to go a long way but it's a great way to wipe yourself out. you can't sustain them. you can't buy more as the stocks go lower. once you get too deep in the red the margin calls come in and you have to sell your position to cover what you owe. it's simply not safe. nobody needs that level of risk. i consider margin the equivalent of juicing in professional sports. starts off great. ends very badly. lesson number three, this is also something i hit you over the head with all the time, but it's so crucial i got to explain it again. never use market orders. when you pick up the phone and call your broker and tell them the buyer sells stock but you don't name a price, that's a market order. what you're doing is giving that broker permission to fill your

order at any old price the market gives you. let's ask that, you go to the supermarket. i'll buy this head of lettuce at any price. would you do that with a sweater at the mall? no, and you shouldn't do that with much more expensive stocks either. market orders are how people ended up selling procter & gamble for $38 a share even though it was worth $30 more when the machines took over and we tumbled nearly 1,000 points. the flash crash. in the time it took me to walk out on the set and just sit there for street signs for a few minutes. with all the nasty stories about investment banks and conflicts of interest, you recognize that while your broker may be a helpful person his interests aren't aligned with yours. his top priority isn't to get you the best price. his job is to generate commissions. that's not what we do on mad money. i don't have any conflicts here. i don't want your commission. have i ever asked for any fees? no.

that's why you have to trust me. i'm always urging you to use limit orders. it doesn't cost a penny more but over time can save you a fortune. tell your broker the highest price you're willing to pay if you're buying and lowest price you'll accept if you're selling. you'll either get your price or if the stock isn't there at that price then the trade won't happen. that's okay. you got to protect yourself. always use limit orders not market orders. never forget the lesson of that awful bogus down 1,000 point day. first of all it could happen again and it wasn't bogus for those that used market orders, because those trades really happened. they got hosed. i don't want you to follow in their footsteps. make money on the down days. buy stocks at your price. heres the bottom line. if you don't buy stocks on margin and you use limit orders rather than market orders, you'll get hurt a lot less than others who don't know better. these are the first steps to making sure you survive a horrible market rather than

getting panicked at the scale of your losses and then getting blown out. after the break, i'll try to make you even more money.

tonight we're going back to school. cramer's stock market survival school. when the market's broken there's worries that the system isn't working correctly. we know what can happen even in outrageous bull markets. maybe then it's more important than ever to know how to protect yourselves. stocks sometimes go down. it's just the nature of the game. don't be in the game if you think your stocks will never go down. there are times, though, they go down harder than others. at times when they go down relentlessly and the agony's unbarable. that's why i have gone over three important lessons tonight. always know what you own, never buy on margin, never use market

orders, only limit orders to buy and sell stocks. these are basic rules, sure but basic because they're critically important. they're essential to building and maintaining your wealth. i have four more lessons to help fight the pain, keep you from losing more money than you have to. this is a corollary to the need to know what you own, you cannot own too many stocks. knowing what you own takes time. it takes homework. i always like, maximum one hour per week per stock. even if you can give it a 15 minute overview, much less than that you might as well be gambling. if you don't know what you own, then when your stocks go down you have no idea what to do. should you buy more or cut your losses? the only way you can feel confident is by doing the work and understanding the companies in your portfolio. it's not safe for many home gamers to own more than ten stocks at once. i know that many of you own far more than that and i did at

various times own 20, 30, i can understand that but as soon as you get above 10 you run the risk of just running up your own mutual fund. you shouldn't feel compelled to mirror the s&p 500. there's no reason to own than many when ten diversified stocks will do. it's like having a part time job in addition to the one you already have. but ten is right. more than ten you'll start skimping on the homework and that's dangerous. especially when stocks seem to go down a lot. in a bear market it's horrendous to have that many stocks. don't own too many low dollar stocks. i accept low dollar single digits on speculation friday. they help by making investing interesting. they allow you to keep your head in the game while others are blown out. and while it's still safe to have a speculative stock in your portfolio the emphasis is on the single. not more than that. because as tempting as they can be, they shouldn't make up your whole portfolio. they're risky and a bad market risk is something you want less of.

not more of. you want the colgates and the cloroxes. no ceo said i want my stock trading in the single digits. hence why i said many companies like to do 10 for 1 reverse splits. make them see more investable. it may seem like under $10 names have less down side. but that's a trick of the eye. single digit stocks can go to zero. own more than one, and many of you do, you may just be gambling. next lesson, and this one i beat over your head every wednesday on am i diversified but it's so critical to your success. you must be diversified. it's the only free lunch. it don't cost you nothing but it saves you money. that's a point i make in jim cramer's real money which is still in paperback after all of these years and was the handbook to when i used to run my hedge fund. no matter how many times i say it, i know many of you still

keep too many of your stocks in the same sector. i keep getting them. i can't believe it after all of these years. why shouldn't you put all your money in one hot sector? why do you have to spread it around, so that no more of your portfolio is in the same sector when the hot sector could make you so much money? because the biggest risk out there is sector risk. ask the people that doubled down in 2000 and lost it all staying diversified when a big bad event happens. one that can damage an entire sector. only some of your stocks will go down if you are diversified and maybe, just maybe, others will even go up. same thing with the bank stocks in the 2008-2009. they were very hot and housing stocks were very hot. when the market is getting killed day after day after day it's important to have enough dividend paying stocks. especially ahys, accident high yields. most people think they're boring. senior citizens and retirees only.

like i told you earlier, fully 40% of return comes from reinvested dividends. you always have to reinvest them. you're giving up half of the gains you can expect over time to make from stocks and all the reasons that make dividend stocks worth owning becoming even more compelling in a down market. that's when they really, really give you that cushion. yes, they're even a trampoline because as their share prices go lower the yields go higher, making them more attractive to other investors who don't own them yet and give you a better return for owning the things. you can buy stocks with bountiful dividends safely on the way down. i can't emphasize enough how important that fact is. in a horrible market, there's so few stocks you can feel comfortable buying when they go lower. stocks that used to have small yields, but because their share prices have gone down, not because they cut the dividends, their yields have become notoriously big, and they're one of the few groups you can feel comfortable picking away at.

accidental high yielders worked better than any other kind of stock during the financial crisis. the dow went down and they worked and still work whenever the market gives you these dividend bargains. by the way, those big dividends for companies that can afford them, well, they are bargains. mark in my home state of new jersey, mark. >> yes, booyah jim. >> booyah mark. >> do companies have to publish their ex dividend dates and how many days or weeks before do they have to publish it? >> everything is on -- all the different finance sites have it but i care more about the price you buy the stock at. if you don't have the dividend then you buy it without the dividend. if you do have the dividend you get it with the dividend. these are just all -- i won't say they're sleight of hands. what you should worry about is high quality stocks. if the dividend stock advisor which is actually a fantastic news letter that thestreet.com

has, explains this and it's a great place to look. louis in california. >> good afternoon dr. cramer. i have a question about diversification and risk. i watched your show for several years and i'm newly retired. i own eight positions and followed your advice and buy a good company in stages. it dips a little bit. every time i sell i allocate the profit and dividends received as return on my capital, leaving the profit allocated to remaining shares of the position. so now i have four stocks that are 60% to 100% owned with house money and that's a profitable booya. >> that is so perfect. you are the total game plan. can i help you? >> yeah, here's the question, the other four stocks at risk that i have, i own are diversified and balanced and most have some profit, but some of them overlap the other stocks that are owned with house's money.

so which is more important, diversification and balance of the whole portfolio or diversification of those still owned by my capital? >> this is the first time i ever had this question. if you're playing with the house's money i'm going to bless some lack in diversification, because you won't get it back. diversification is about not giving it back. but you've already won. josh in louisiana, josh. >> booya, jim. >> what's up? >> i was just wondering how you use the futures market to judge how the market will do throughout the day. >> i hate it. i don't use it. people that use it are lazy. they're looking at how europe was or asia was and making a determination. we trade stocks. not futures. that's quite simple. so look, you have got more tools for your survival now. we know don't own too many stocks.

we know we should limit the number of speculative stocks because they tend to trade together. diversification is key. the only free lunch. and focus on high yielders in times of trouble to reduce your risk. stay with cramer.

i've been teaching you how to handle the inevitable corrections part of stock market survival school. going over the things you can do to minimize your down side. check your portfolio against action that's nasty. even the original sequester scares.

i want to go a step further. in order to deal with increased risk from a market that's going up a great deal and many consider to be frothy, you need to understand what the risks are. you need to know what might cause the next sell off. you need to be familiar with forces that are causing your stocks to get hammered, that you may not even know about. in other words, when the market corrects, and you know it's going to have to, you need to know why. you need to know what's really hurting your stocks. now we like to think that when a stock goes up and down it's because of what is happening at the underlying company. that's quaint, people. companies do well get a higher stock price and if they don't get they lower ones. that's ordinarily how things used to work. but in the vicious decline the connection between a company and its stock can become gossamer thin and often severed. you'll see the good companies taken down with the bad ones, even when they report good news.

that can drive investors insane. if they get a blowout quarter you are probably thinking what can make it go higher. why bother to do the homework cramer says you should do? there is a reason. eventually we'll come out of the sell off and the fundamentals will start mattering again. in the interim it's crucial you recognize why this is happening and can make sense out of the chaos. in a tough quick percentage spill, you'll see stocks selling with the good, the bad and the ugly going lower. some of that the pure panic but there's also structural reasons why this happens. you need to know them. hedge funds have turned stocks into an asset class closer to corn or lumber. this is a verb that's new, comoditized equities. this is where they all trade together. how have they done this?

for many of the institutions individual stocks are too small to handle the amounts of money they're dealing with. so they turn to the s&p 500 or the big efts that allow huge bets to be made in seconds. in a difficult market this optimism takes -- i'm sorry, pessimism takes over, these hedge funds will sell the futures and bang them down and sell the etfs, and that brings down everything in the s&p. there's also an element of groupthink. here most managers, they tend to act like herd animals. i want you to think wildebeests on the discovery channel. hedge funds going wild wreaking havoc on stocks and we saw it over and over again in the old days. this is what you must always understand as an investor. all the things that can cause the stock to go down have nothing to do with the underlying company, and

that mystifies you. these have nothing to do with the fundamentals or the company at all but still assert an enormous amount of control over where stocks go, especially in a bear market or one of the incredibly quick declines. we always must be on the lookout. what am i talking about? let's say we're in a prolonged down market. you have to worry about the ability of short sellers to create fear and panic. it absolutely trumps the ability of buyers to instigate greed. shorts can push down stocks relentlessly. this is new. it used to not be like this. we used to have a securities and exchange commission that stopped this sort of thing. one that helped you. helped the home gamer. helped the little guy, and then the bush era came along. the sec, well, it lessened its

commitment to the individual and they repealed something called the uptick rule. it was back in 2007 they did this. this was a regulation in place since the great depression. it was created in the aftermath of the great crash, and that was in order to avert another disaster of the same scale which curbed the ability to bang down stocks endlessly. they had to wait for somebody to be willing to pay more and uptick before they could sell a stock short. for 79 years it worked. then the sec got rid of it and the shorts were able to run wild. do you think it was a coincidence? that was instrumental in the fall of lehman brothers. we have also seen the same thing with the european countries since the problems began or we have seen it in stocks in our market because of deficit funding or debt ceiling issues or the sequester.

when things are good we forget about the pernicious impact of aggressive short selling without limits but when they're bad we feel them plenty and they're not fair. i hate it. short sellers aren't the only risk. we now have etfs of mass destruction. double, triple leverage. exchange traded funds that give you two or three times the short selling bang for your buck. these are etfs that exist for day traders. that's not the point of the stock market, is it? they don't work for long-term or medium term investors. they rebalance every day. take the skf. that's the ultrashort financial proshares. you think it would have made people money during the financial crisis. many of them got wiped out. wouldn't this be the instrument of choice? wrong. it actually lost you money. one of the worst years in bank stock history, and that's what happened? how is this possible?

these etfs are designed to track day-to-day changes. at the end of every day they rebalance and they're more of a play on volatility than any of the sectors they allow you to short or to own. so here's an interesting issue. if these etfs have no value for long-term investors, what's the point of having them? frankly it's hard for me to avoid the conclusion that the main function is to allow the shorts to get around the margin rules and manipulate the market with selling power at once. this gets at a problem with an sec no longer seems interested in protecting you and regular investors. we'll deal with that after the break, though. stocks are not cash. they don't act like cash. they can't be viewed as cash. stocks go down for many reasons that have nothing to do with the underlying companies or their profits including hedge funds gone wild and the selling fire power of the efts of mass destruction.

stay with cramer. >> jim cramer you're one of my heros. >> i look forward to your show every weeknight. >> thank you so much for helping beginning investors like me. >> when you talk about the markets, i just believe that you're spot on. >> oh i love it. thank you so much. every night we watch you. i have learned and earned. ♪ [ indistinct shouting ] [ male announcer ] time and sales data. split-second stats. [ indistinct shouting ] ♪ it's so close to the options floor... [ indistinct shouting, bell dinging ] ...you'll bust your brain box. ♪ all on thinkorswim from td ameritrade. ♪ has oats that can help lower cholesterol? and it tastes good? sure does! wow. it's the honey, it makes it taste so... well, would you look at the time... what's the rush?

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all night i have been teaching how to survive rough corrections to a bull market. i told you about the mistakes you need to avoid making yourself. warned you about the forces to

push stocks around like the etfs of mass destruction, things that can cause the stocks to become disconnected from the performance of the underlying companies. but there's one more risk you need to know about if you're going to invest in a dangerous chopping market or one that suddenly turns like that. it's that the lifeguard is off duty, and when you go swimming in this market, you had better remember there's nobody out there making sure the water is safe. the s.e.c. which would be working to protect the little guy don't think it's their job anymore. that's my opinion. the regulators favor hfts who turn the portfolio 11 times in 10 seconds over the ordinary home like you. this is the market you're really dealing with. we need an s.e.c. that protects the unsophisticated from these rapacious capitalists. instead we have one captured by the exchanges and abets the most sophisticated traders at the expense of you. this is no longer the s.e.c. of arthur leavitt.

his mantra was to give the little guy a break. to level the playing field. to make the market safe for the individual investor. he favored regular retail investors and home gamers like you over the big institutions, particularly the hedge funds. the big boys didn't need protection. they got all kind of money. but under the anything goes bush s.e.c. that all changed and i think the obama administration so far has hardly done anything to roll back the damage. they value kinds of financial innovations that make the market less legitimate and less safe for you. all the changes that make the market faster and allow them to ping themselves for quick gains, they allow managers to evade the margin rules, bring double or triple etf selling power to appeal the original uptick rule that protected us from endless short selling. the s.e.c. approved or enacted these things that make the

market more difficult when things get bad and will do so again when we get that quick sharp decline. if you expect them to get your back, think again. if you think the exchanges want to maintain the legitimacy of our stock markets, not so much. the exchanges are not on your side. the bias is to allow lots of fast trades that each generate a fraction of a penny in profits. in the old days the exchange and the nasdaq were nonprofit organizations that can police themselves and now they're for profit public companies and their goal is to make money. nothing wrong with that but we're living in a different investing world and the s.e.c. doesn't seem to notice. until we get somebody in the s.e.c. that says let's look at this through the 401(k) instead of the right to have double or triple short etfs then you should not be surprised by any kind of outrage.

this also means that you have to protect yourself from the madoffs of the world that give too good to be true performance. the s.e.c. isn't equipped to find these people. maybe it's examining the minor players instead of the major ones. if you give your money to a money manager, demand reports from the manager's master account. make sure you can deal directly to get results. he won't like that. i don't care. don't give money to a money manager where he puts it to work in something that doesn't have an easily accessible price. you never want to be put in that mortgage backed junk that burned so many investors. if you can't find the price on yahoo or cnbc.com i want you to take your money away from these people. listen to me on this. i know. here's the bottom line, flash crash, it's more like a battlefield circa world war i where they vastly outpaced the ability of humans fire power. it makes no sense whatsoever.

these are the normal because the obama s.e.c. like bush s.e.c. isn't watching the store. we don't have to like it. we better get used to it. stay with cramer. ♪

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i've said it before. i have the smartest viewers around. let's hear from you with some of the tweets you have been sending @jimcramer. our first tweet is from @allenpal6. he writes why limit orders only? let's say you had a sell order in during the flash crash, and we know flash crashes are no longer going to be isolated events. well if you had a market order

and it's entirely possible, procter and gamble stock was at 60. went to 40. whether you sold it at 40, they can give you whatever price they want and then it bounces right back to 60 but if you put a limit order and sell it at 59. you sold at 59. you can buy it back at 30. it's about flash crashes. that's why. it's about wild markets and taming them with limit orders. our next tweet is fantastic. it's true, @jimcramer called me out for yawning when at #georgiatech. haven't yawned since. i can't stand yawning or sighing. i used to make people leave if i caught them yawning. i said go home and take a nap. but i also approve of our staff's voracious hunting through the archives. nobody does it better. >> no more yawning, man. i used to fire people when they yawn. i make them walk around the building and come back to yawn again they're fired. >> i have become sweeter and kinder and gentler now.

when someone on the staff yawns i say listen, go get me a soda or a diet coke. i'm no longer trying to fire people. but i think i will. anyway, here's another tweet -- i'm not kidding. that means sighing is even worse. here's another tweet from @zander318. does the vix belong in my portfolio? your portfolio is about companies. don't complicate it. own stocks for heaven's sake. this next tweet comes from @garc108 who writes let me get this straight on wall street roll up the sleeves when cooking and cleaning leave them down. yeah, that happened to be ellen haley's day off. our proprietor.

it was mother's day. it was a good day. let's go to the next tweet who wrote the following. i got a year left of college. what would you recommend to do during this senior year aside from hitting the books hard. >> have the gosh darn time of your life because i got news for you. every day from then on is work. college is the best time of your life. don't waste it working. here's another tweet. this one, booyah from quito, ecuador. your fame has transcended borders. watch you every night. great show. if you can tell me they watch me at galapados, i know i have reach. let's stop because we're out of time. you know what, on the yawning guy, i got your picture. i know where you live. i'm coming for you. stay with cramer. ♪

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i like to say, there's always a bull market somewhere and i promise to try to find it just for you right here on mad money. i'm jim cramer. see you next time. >> it's just take-your-breath away type explosions, shake your body to the core explosions. >> mike williams was the chief electronics technician on board the deepwater horizon, one of the last to escape the inferno after the blowout in the gulf. he believes a series of mishaps may have led to the catastrophe, and his story has been critical to the investigation, a story he first told on 60 minutes. >> all the things that they told us could never happen happened. >> what he's saying is very important to this investigation, you believe. >> it is.