how can people take this anymore? you simply can't make any money in any asset class. particularly in bonds where the rates are so, so slow, or to be able to pay for tuition. bonds can't pay that tuition. you've got to own stocks. you know what you need, though? you need a survival handbook and that's what i'm giving you tonight. scandals are not new to wall street. stock markets, mechanisms haven't always been smooth.

the '87 market crash, i traded through that. it didn't have anything to do with the economy. it looked like the economy was going to get weak because of the crash. it didn't. it was strong. that said, we do seem to have really ratcheted up the unfairness in the last couple of years. who can forget, for instance, the hideous event that was the long-awaited facebook fiasco in may of 2012? this was a once of a lifetime opportunity. a company has sterling reputation, a love product. management quirky but no more quirky than google. everyone in it had already gotten rich. the company had tons of money on hand. it wasn't like they needed to be greedy. it would have been an unbelievable moment so everyone won. nope. they offered 21 million shares at $38 a piece, a price that

they knew was at the top end of the range, especially the last-minute chatter that the company was being moved from desktop to mobile, which was totally true. and the deal flops in a hard way. making matters worse, the nasdaq couldn't even get the stock open and when it did the deal fell apart before our eyes. the machines were locked. total chaos, confusion, and overevaluation. a classic opportunity to bring people back to the stock market was botched. and we had still one more event that drove people to the sidelines. it was just like the dot-com bomb that i lived through, 1999, 2000. how about the flash crash back in 2010. the market lost 10 trillion bucks because of a computer glitch. i was on television when it happened. i was on "street signs." who could trust that mechanism with her life savings?

stocks didn't even seem like an asset class that day. it seemed like smoke and mirrors. how about the latest rounds of trading scandals. a hedge fund manager, raja gupta, i'm not even talking about the madoff scandal that the government overlooked. flag scam. many people knew that those returns were too outrageous to be real, even people who whistle blew. so how do you vaccinate yourself from all of this? how do you protect yourself from this? you can't. there will always be fraud lens and if you're lucky, if you're able to avoid it, great. you never know when it's going to strike. i can't protect you from the economic class and what you do to the market crash. even diversification which we

only causes you to lose less. consolation may be the great destruction of wealth. let's just say nothing could protect you if you owned stocks. what i can do is offer you simple rules that will let you have more confidence in the stock market, even portions that are rigged or beyond your comprehension. first rule, know what you own. i know it sounds simple, of course, everyone knows they think they know what they own. but how does this protect you in the ways that abuse you? you know what stock you own and the stock goes down, you actually would be able to take advantage of that and the mechanical lunacy. second, if you know what you own, you can handle a stock that -- take the facebook. it's a pretty good company. maybe you can guy it on the way down if you knew it had a better average. third, if you know that you own what you own, then who really

cares about guys like the raj or gupta nabbed by the u.s. attorney. what does it mean? you are in control of your own destiny but how do you know if you know what you own? in other words, a lot of people think they know what they own. it's a real issue. here's my answer. it's a practical way to look at it. first, say you stopped me coming out of the "squawk on the street" new york stock exchange one day down on wall street and this happens five or six times every single day. let's say you shout at me. you say, hey, cramer, what do you think of that x, y, z corp? i say, listen, what do you think? tell me what it does. tell me why you bought it. the vast majority of time people don't know either answer? they don't know either answer. they usually got some tip, saw a chart, heard from an uninformed source that was going to the moon but they have no idea what business it is in or how it is

even doing. they don't even know, in a lot of cases, what it makes, how it makes its money. they don't even know if it mapa money or loses money. people say, should i buy more? should i cut my losses? i always say, why did it buy it in the first place? here's what you need to do. answer the question that i put to perfect strangers. do you know them? if not, geez, you shouldn't be investing in that stock. maybe you shouldn't be investing in any stock. there's always index funds, good mutual funds. here's the bottom line. get some knowledge, please. know what you own. can you describe it to me? can you tell me what it does and why you bought it? can you give me a three-sentence pitch about why it's good? if you can't, don't bother me and don't bother buying. here's a promise and a prediction. you're just going to lose

yourself big-time money. let's go to scott in colorado. scott? >> caller: hey, boo-yah, jim. i have questions about a price analyst. when an analyst sets a target price, how does that fit in my plan for evaluating stocks and when does that price target expect to be fulfilled by the analyst? >> well, one of the reasons why i'm neutral on price targets, these analysts, as the stock goes down, keep making their price targets lower and then as the stock goes up they make the price targets higher. it's really not all that valuable. what i find valuable is what they think the stock is going to earn and then we try to apply a multiple to it. so the key thing is the earnings estimates in the future. that's why stocks trade where they do. profits. and then we can figure it out on a case by case basis. don't use the price targets. steven in california, steven? >> caller: yes, jim. boo-yah to you. >> boo-yah back.

>> caller: okay. i was wondering, i bought a stock before and it had a reverse stock split and it didn't do that good. i'm wondering, are they trying to make it more interesting for other companies or are they just trying to save money or -- >> no, steven. it's a great question. what they are trying to do is save embarrassment. citigroup did this. they really felt that a stock that was under $5, for instance, wouldn't attract institutions. they like to buy stocks over $5. it was a way to be able to gussy it up a little bit. don't ever be confused. it doesn't help the fund membership tals or hurt them. everyone needs the stock market. everyone needs a survival guide to the stock market. and it's a jungle out there so the way we're going to start is, if you know what you own and can explain it to me, then you can buy more if it goes down. "mad money" will be right back.

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welcome back to cramer's stock market survival school where a i'm giving your g.e.d. in trading through tough trading markets, your master's in what to do when the machine dries up. kind of like terminator 2 judgment day. like what happened on may 6th of 2010. and if you listen and you listen well, maybe you will get your doctorate in making money when everyone else is losing it. there's the degree i want. we may not be able to control the amount of pain that the market throws our way but we absolutely can control -- >> the house of pain. >> how we deal with it. we can control whether we're prepared for the pain, whether we're positioned so we don't

lose more money than we should because we've taken proper precautions. the risks with owning stocks, risks that you need to watch out for. but right now i'm just talking to you about how you can deal with the risks that come from being a human being, from simply being human. there are many of them. and if you're not careful, you could end up doing more damage to your portfolio than any external force, any negative that takes down stocks. basic investing mistakes can lead to enormous investing losses. i'm going to show you how to make your portfolio safe from yourself to ensure you're in a position to make money, not endlessly lose it. you know i don't think it is but i do not quibble with those who think it is. it's hard. in a tough market, you can't afford to make the mistake that investors find themselves making all the time. you don't want to make it any harder than it has to be. here are my rules for

agony-proviagony agony-proving your losses. each one of your stocks requires time and homework. you've got to be able to explain it to me if you see me on the street, what it does and why you bought it. never, ever buy stocks on margin. meaning, do not borrow money from your broker. these are not homes that you can live in to go down. it's okay if you take out a mortgage in that case but not stocks. it's not home. it's a piece of paper. and that piece of paper can go down in value threatening your nest egg yet the practice is just plain dangerous. in reality, it's a great way to potentially wipe yourself out. you can't take losses. you can't sustain and buy more as the stocks go lower. the margin calls come in and you have to sell your whole position in order to cover what you owe. it's simply not safe. nobody needs that level of risk. nobody. i consider margin the equivalent

of juicing in professional sports. starts off great. ends very badly. lesson number three, and this is also something i hit you over the head with all the time, but it's just so crucial i've got to explain it again. never use market orders. when you pick up the phone and say the buyer sell stock but don't name a price, that's a market order. you may not realize it but what you're doing is giving that broker permission to fill your order at any old price the market gives you. okay, so let's ask then, you go to the supermarket, buy a head of lettuce at any price. would you do that with a sweater at the mall? i'll take any price you give me. no, you would never do that and you shouldn't do it with more expensive things like stocks either. when the machines took over and we tumbled and nearly 1,000 points, the flash crash in the time it took me to walk out of the set and just sit there for

street signs for a few minutes. with all of the nasty news, your broker's interests are not in line with yours either. his top priority is not to get the best possible price. he works for a brokerage house and his job is often to create commission. i don't have any conflicts here. i don't want your commission. have i ever asked for any fees? no. that's why you have to trust me. i'm always urging you to place limited orders. it could save you a small fortune. tell your broker the highest price that you're willing to pay if you're buying and the lowest price you will sell if you're selling. that's okay. you have to protect yourself. always use limit orders, not market orders. never forget the lesson of that bogus 1,000-point debt.

it could happen again and it wasn't bogus for those who used market orders because those trades really happened. they got hosed. i don't want you to follow in their footsteps. i want you to make money on those down days. buy stocks at your price. here's the bottom line, if you don't buy stocks on margin and buy or sell, you will get hurt a lot less than others who don't know better. these are the first steps to making sure you survive a horrible market. rather than getting panicked at the scale of your losses and then getting blown out. after the break i'll try to make you even more money.

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>> announcer: get sneak peaks, go behind the scenes, and join the conversation. download the free app today for the ultimate cramerica adventure. we're going back to school. cramer's stock market survival school, that is. because when the market is in awful shape, there are very real worries that the system is not working correctly. we know it can happen even in outrageous bull markets. maybe it's even more important to know how to protect yourself. stocks sometimes go down. there's nothing you can do about it. it's just the nature of the game. don't be in the game if you think the stocks will never go down. there are times, though, where they will go down more than others. that's why i've already gone

over three important lessons tonight. always know what you own, never buy on margin, never use market orders, only limit orders to buy and sell stocks. these are basic rules, sure, but because they are critically important, absolutely essential to maintaining your wealth. i've got four more lessons. venture from losing more money than you have to. first, this is a correlary to the need to know what you own. you can't own too many stocks. knowing what you own takes time. it takes homework. the max could be one hour per week per stock. but even if you can give it a 15-minute overview, much less than that and you might as well be gambling. if you don't know what you own, then when your stocks go down, you have no idea what to do. the only way you can feel confident of either decision is by doing the work and understanding the companies in your portfolio. that means it's not safe to own more than ten stocks at once. now, i know that many of you own far more than that.

look, i did at veryarious timesn 20, 30. as soon as you get above 10, you shouldn't feel compelled. there's no good reason to earn 30 stocks when diversified names will do unless you're really a full-time game homer. you can't handle 30 stocks, even 20. it's like having a part-time job in addition to the one that you already have. ten is great. especially at times when stocks seem to go down a lot. periods when we're in a bear market, it's horrendous to have that many stocks. next lesson, don't own too many low-dollar stocks. i'm the guy on tv who recommends speculating. they help by making a market investing interesting. they keep your head in the game and others are being blown out. while it's still safe to have a speculative stock in your portfolio, the emphasis is there on the singular, a single

speculative stock. not more than that. they shouldn't make up your whole portfolio. they are risky and a bad market risk is something you want less of, not more of. you want the colgates and the cloroxes, for heaven's take. no ceo said, boy i want my stock trading in the single digits. that's why many companies like to do ten for one reverse stocks. make their stock seem more reversible, it may seem to have less downside than other stocks. but it's a trick of the eye. single digit stocks can go to zero. own more than one, and i know many of you do, you might as well be gambling. next lesson, and this one i beat over your head every wednesday on "am i diversified". i'm going to tell you again, you must be diversified. meaning, it doesn't cost you anything but it saves you money. that's the point i make in jim cramer's real money in paper

back all these years and the handbook to when i used to run my hedge fund. no matter how many times i say it, though, i know many of you still keep too many of your stocks in the same sector. i keep getting them. i can't believe it after all of these years. why shouldn't you put all of your money in one hot sector? why do you have to spread it around so no more of your portfolio are in the same sector? because the biggest risk out there is sector risk. just ask the people at double down on tech stocks in 2000 and some big bad event happens and really damage an entire sector. only some of your stocks will go down if you're diversified and maybe, just maybe others will even go up. same thing with the bank stocks in the 2008, 2009. it was very hot. housing stocks were all very hot. finally, when the market is getting killed day after day after day, it's important to have dividend paying stocks.

especially accidently high yields. most people don't realize the importance of dif dinds. they think they are boring, for senior citizens only. by the way, you always have to reinvest them. when you forego dividends, you're giving up gains that you could expect to makeover time from stocks. and all the reasons that make dividend stocks owning becoming even more compelling in a down market. that's when they really, really give you that cushion. yes, there are even a trampoline because as share prices go lower, yields go higher making them more attracted to other investors who don't own them yet and give you a better return for just owning the darn things. i can't emphasize enough how important that fact is in a horrible market there are so few stocks as they go lower, stocks with big dividends, especially the accidently high yielders, stocks that used to have small yields but because their share prices have gone down, not because they cut the dividends,

their yields have become notoriously big and they are one of the few groups you can feel comfortable picking away at. accidental high yielders work better than any other stock during the financial crisis. remember, the dow went down to 6500 and these still work and they still work whenever the market gives you these dividend bargains. and by the way, those big dividends for companies that can afford them, well, they are bargains. mark in my home state of new jersey, mark? >> caller: yes. boo-yah, jim. >> boo-yah, mark. >> caller: do companies have to publish their dividend dates and how many days before that date do they have to publish it? >> he will w. all of the different finance dates have it. i care more about the price that you buy the stock at. not the price -- if you're on the dividend, you buy without the dividend. it's cheaper without it. these are things that are all -- they are not something you should worry about. what you should worry about is

buying high quality stocks. the dividend stock adviser, which is a fantastic newsletter that the street.com has, it's a great place to look. let's go to louie in california. louie? >> caller: good afternoon, dr. cramer. >> oh, thank you. what's up? >> caller: i have a question about diversification and risk. >> okay. >> caller: i've watched your show for several years and i'm now newly retired. i own eight positions. i followed your advice and dip a little and sell when on temporary top. every time i sell i allocate as returned on my cal tap leaving the profit allocated to the remaining shares of the position. so now i have four stocks that are 60 to 100% owned with house's money and that's a profitable boo-yah. >> that is so perfect. you are the total game play. can i help you? >> caller: yeah. here's the question. the other four stocks at risk that i have, i own diversified

and balance and most have some profit but some of them overlap the other stocks that are owned with house's money. so which is more important? diversification and balance of the whole portfolio or diversification and balance of those shares still owned by my capital? >> well, you know what, if i -- you know what i'm going to do? this is the first time i've ever had this question. what i'm going to say if you're playing with the house's money, i'm going to bless the diversification because you're not going to give it back. i hate it. i won't use it. i think people who use it are lazy. they are simply looking at how europe or asia was and making a determination. look, you've gotten more tools

for your survival now. we don't own too many stocks, right? we know it was used with limit the number of special stocks because they tend to trade together. we know that diversification is key and we know to focus on high yielders particularly in times of trouble to reduce your risk. stay with cramer. academic performance in the u.s. is uneven.

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so i can reach ally bank 24/7, but there are no branches? 24/7. i'm sorry, i'm just really reluctant to try new things. really? what's wrong with trying new things? look! mommy's new vacuum! (cat screech) you feel that in your muscles? i do... drink water. it's a long story. well, not having branches let's us give you great rates and service. i'd like that. a new way to bank. a better way to save. ally bank. your money needs an ally.

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>> cramer, where is the bull market today. >> cramer, boo-yah. >> cramer, boo-yah. >> announcer: see the world through the eyes of jim cramer. "mad money," week nights, only on cnbc. >> there's nothing like it. >> i'm going to teach you how to handle the corrections, part of cramer's stock market survival school. take your portfolio against actions downright nasty. it was the time of the fiscal cliff or even the original sequester scares. i want to go a step further. you need to understand what those risks are. you need to know what might cause the next selloff. you need to be familiar with forces causing your stocks to get hammered that you may not even know about in other words, when the market corrects and you

know it's going to, you need to know what is really hurting your stocks. companies that do well get rewarder with a higher stock price. companies that don't do well get punished with lower ones. you know, in a vicious decline, the connection between a company and its stock can be thin and even severed. you'll see the stocks in good companies get taken down right with the bad ones, even when they report good news. that's the kind of action that can drive investors completely insane, it drives you batty, reporting a blowout quarter, you're thinking what can make anything go higher? is there distinguishing the good from the bad when the market is selling everything? why even bother to do the homework that cramer says you should do? well, yes, there is a reason. eventually we're going to come out of the selloff. and in the interim, it's crucial

you recognize why this is happening. you may be able to make some sense out of the chaos. you will be seeing stock trade and all going lower. some of that is absolute pure panic but also structural reasons why this happens and you need to know that. hedge funds have turned stocks into an asset class closer to baskets of corn or lumber. this is a verb that is new. how have they done this? well, because for many of the big institution money matters, individual stocks are just too small to handle the amounts of money they are dealing with. so they turn to the s & p 500 that allow big bets to be made in seconds. in a difficult market is rising, these hedge funds will just sell to futures as soon as they get

pessimistic and they will sell the etfs. there's no element of group thing. here most managers tend to hurt like hurt animals. i want you to think of wilder beast causes them to blowout sectors at the entire same time. we saw it over and over again during the bad ottle days. the stock is paper risk. meaning all of the things that could cause a stock to go do nothing have absolutely nothing to do with the underlying company and everything to do with the asset class of stocks is traded. these are risks that have nothing to do with the earnings or fundamentals at all. especially in a pessimistic-infused bear market or one of those incredibly quick declines that we always must be on the lookout. what kind of risks am i talking about? let's say we're in a prolonged down market. then you have to worry about the

ability of short sellers to create fear and panic because it stru trumps the ability of buyers agreed. with endless fire power. now, this is new. it didn't always used to be like this. certainly not when i got into business. we used to have a securities & exchange commission, one that you helped the home game, helped the little guy. and then the bush era came along the the s.e.c., well, it lessened its equipment to over reality. they repealed something called the uptick rule back in 2007 they did this. this was a regulation that had been in place since the great depression. it was created in the aftermath of 1932. it averted another disaster of the same scale, which curved the ability to bang down stocks. and they had to pay more and

uptick more they could sell a stock short. for 70 years it worked. the shorts were able to run wild. do you think it's a coincidence that they got rid of the uptick rule when we had the great recession of stocks? yeah. whenever we got a particularly nasty selloff. that kind of relentless was instrumental with the lehman brothers. ever since the problems with greece, portugal, spain, ireland began or we've seen it in stocks in our market because of deficit funding or debt ceiling issues or, of course, the sequester. sure, when things are good, we forget about the implications and they are just not fair versus the way the s.e.c. used to police these issues. i hate it. we now have the proliferation of mass destruction, double, triple, exchange traded funds, two or three times the short

selling bang for your buck. these are etfs that only exist for day traders. they don't work for long term or even medium term investors because they rebalance every day. that's the extra short financial proshares with 100% leverage. you would think that it would make people money during the financial crisis. many of them got wiped out. wouldn't this be the instrument of choice? wrong. they actually lost you money. one of the worst years in bank stock history and that's what happened? how is this possible? because of the super leverage etfs only track day to day changes. longer term they are more a play on volatility than any of the sectors they allow you to short or to own. so here's an interesting issue. if these etfs have no value for long-term investors, what's the

point in having them? it's to allow the shorts to get around the margin rules and implicate the market with massive selling power at once. this gets a larger problem that no longer seems interested in pro equity itti protecting you. stocks are not cash. they can't be viewed as cash. remember, the stocks go down for many reasons but have nothing to do with the underlying companies. the revere stay with cramer. >> announcer: keep up with cramer all day long. follow @jimcramer on twitter and tweet your questions. five tech stocks with more than a 10%... change in after-market trading. ♪ all the tech stocks with a market cap... of at least 50 billion... are up on the day. 12 low-volume stocks... breaking into 52-week highs. six upcoming earnings plays... that recently gapped up.

[ male announcer ] now the world is your trading floor. get real-time market scanning wherever you are with the mobile trader app. from td ameritrade. we've been bringing people together. with the mobile trader app. today, we'd like people to come together on something that concerns all of us. obesity. and as the nation's leading beverage company, we can play an important role. that includes continually providing more options. giving people easy ways to help make informed choices. and offering portion controlled versions of our most popular drinks. it also means working with our industry to voluntarily change what's offered in schools. but beating obesity will take continued action by all of us, based on one simple common sense fact... all calories count. and if you eat and drink more calories than you burn off, you'll gain weight. that goes for coca-cola, and everything else with calories.

finding a solution will take all of us. but at coca-cola, we know when people come together, good things happen. to learn more, visit coke.com/comingtogether ♪ [ male announcer ] eeny, meeny, miny, go. ♪ ♪ more adventures await in the new seven-passenger lexus gx. lease the 2014 gx 460 for $499 a month for 27 months. see your lexus dealer. how old is the oldest person you've known? we gave people a sticker and had them show us. we learned a lot of us have known someone who's lived well into their 90s. and that's a great thing. but even though we're living longer, one thing that hasn't changed much is the official retirement age. ♪

the question is how do you make sure you have the money you need to enjoy all of these years. ♪ #madtweets. all night i've been teaching you how to avoid the mistakes you make yourself, warning you about the process that they use to push stocks around like the futures and etfs of mass destruction, things that can cause the performance of the stock to become much more krchl

ommoditized. but there's one more thing that you need to know about, one that suddenly turns like that, it's that the lifeguard is off duty. when you go swimming in this market, you better remember there's no one out there making sure the water is safe. they don't think it's their jobs anymore, at least that's my opinion. for instance, high frequency traders who determine the portfolio 11 times in ten seconds like you. these high frequency guys make up 80% of all trading. there you go. we need an s.e.c. that protects the unsophisticated capitalists, one that is captured by the exchanges at the expense of you. yep, this is no longer the s.e.c. of arthur levitt from '93 to 2001. he was one of the greatest chairman ever because he gave the little guy a break, to make the market safe for the

individual investor. he favored investors of home gamers like you over the hedge funds because he knew the big boys didn't need protection. they've got all kinds of money. but under the reckless fair, anything goes bush s.e.c., that all changed. i think the obama administration so far has hardly done anything to roll back the damage. the s.e.c. has approved all kinds of things. all the changes that made the market faster for quick, tiny games, it allows managers to evade the margin rules, etf selling power or buying power through repeal of the original uptick rule which protected us from endless short selling. the s.e.c. approved this to make the market more dangerous and difficult when things get bad and will do so again when we get that kind of quick, sharp decline. if you expect the s.e.c. to have

your back, think again. if you think the exchanges have any interest in maintaining the legitimacy of our stock markets, not so much. you've got to understand, the exchanges aren't on your side because their whole bias is to allow lots and lots of trades. the new york stock exchange and nasdaq, now the for profit public companies and their goal is to make money. now, nothing wrong with that. but we're living in a very different investing world than we were a decade ago. until we get someone on the s.e.c. who is saying, you know what, let's look at this through the prism of the i.r.a. or 401(k), you should not be surprised by any kind of outrage. this also means that you have to protect yourself. yourself from the madoffs of the world, for instance, who offered

too good to be true performance. the s.e.c. we know now isn't equipped to find these people or maybe it's in bed with the wrong people. maybe it's examining the minor people rather than the majors. be sure that you can deal directly with the money manager accounts. he won't like that. i don't care. don't let him put it to work in something that he doesn't have an easy accessible price. you never would be putting that mortgage-backed junk that burned so many investors. if you can't find the price on yahoo! or cnbc.com, i want you to take your money away from these people. listen to me on this. here's the bottom line, the financial crash, more like a battlefield, world war i, vastly outpaced the ability of humans to deal with the fire power, stocks trade like commodities, move that makes no sense whatever so. the obama s.e.c. like the bush

s.e.c. isn't watching the show. hey, we don't have to like it. we better get used to. stay with cramer. >> announcer: millions of your e-mails and tweets, "mad money" thanks cramerica for being with us for over 2,000 episodes.

i've said it before, i have the smartest viewers around. so let's hear from you with some of the tweets you've been sending @jimcramer. okay. our first tweet is from @allenpowell 6. he writes, why limit orders obama? got to be a good story to go with it. we know flash crashes are no longer going to be isolated events. well, if you had a market order and procter & gamble was at 60. it went to 40.

they can give you whatever prices you want. if you put a limit order and sell it at 59, boom, you're out. you sold it at 59, you can always buy it back at 30. it's about flash crashes. that's why. it's about wild markets and containing them with limit orders. our next tweet is fantastic." it's true, @jimcramer called me out for yawning when at georgia tech haven't yawned since." that's right. i used to make people leave my hedge fund if i caught them yawning. i said, just go home. take a nap. i also approve of our staff's hunting through the archives. no one does it better. >> no yawning. i made them walk around the building and come back again and they yawn, they are fired. >> yeah. i've become sweeter and kinder and gentler now, someone on the staff yawns on "mad money" i

say, listen, get me a soda or a diet coke or something. but i think i will. anyway, here's another -- i'm not kidding. sighing it even worse. here's another tweet who asked me, does a volatility index belong in any portfolio? don't complicate it with this risk on, risk off stuff. the next writes, let me get this straight, on wall street roll-up the sleeves, when cooking and cleaning leave them down? well, yeah. you know what, i like to address up. that happened to be ellen haylee's day off. it was mother ds day. someone has to take up the slack on mother's day. it might as well be cramer. my eggs are good. everybody was -- it was a good day. let's go to the next tweet from

who wrote the following, i've got a year left of college. what would you recommend to do during senior year aside from hitting the books hard? that is easy. have the time of your life. every day since then is work. a lot of kids think college is work, that is the best time of your life. don't waste it, working. here's another tweet, this one from, boo-yah from equador, cramer. watch you every night. great show. if you can tell me that the owls watch me, then i know i've got reach. keep them coming. no, let's stop because we're out of time. you know what, on the yawning guy, i've got your picture. i know where you live. i'm coming for you. stay with cramer. it's a brutal contact sport.

>> from the time the whistle blows to the last play of the game. >> markets absolutely getting hammered today. >> i know it's not easy but i promise to keep fighting for you. >> jim cramer, leveling the playing field for all. >> the road is a tough one but the payoff can be your greatest win of all. >> join "mad money's" training camp week nights. customer erin swenson ordered shoes from us online but they didn't fit. customer's not happy, i'm not happy. sales go down, i'm not happy. merch comes back, i'm not happy. use ups. they make returns easy. unhappy customer becomes happy customer. then, repeat customer. easy returns, i'm happy. repeat customers, i'm happy. sales go up, i'm happy. i ordered another pair. i'm happy. (both) i'm happy. i'm happy. happy. happy. happy. happy. happy happy.

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chase sapphire preferred. so you can. i like to say there's always a bull market somewhere and i promise to try to find it just for you right here on "mad money." i'm jim cramer. see you next time. >> i'm a bookie killer. got 'em. you do like making money, correct? i'm the michael jordan of this business. let me do my job, please. we're gonna take the miami heat. i also want you to take minnesota. >> listen, you need to get on the sixers tonight. >> come on board for the next seven days. >> i told you to bet basketball. >> all day winner. yeah. damn it. i almost had that casino. unbelievable. [vomiting] wow. >> you donbl