and that was a mistake. it was just a mistake. i should have walked home and said we're done. you can finally have everything you wanted and i found a new life. >> and the full interview will air on monday night. that's all for us tonight." ac 360" starts right now. >> welcome, everyone to this anderson cooper special "bullying it stops here." here is rutgers university. we have come here, all of us drawn together together by the power of absence. the absence of kids, young adults, future parents, friends, healer and leaders, none of whom will ever be. all of whom have left us because as young adults or as children they were bullied beyond their capacity to endure. they are the reason we're here.

we owe them and we owe them more than talk. in the years since a wave of bullying suicides struck the country and got worldwide attention there's been too much talk and not enough action. a year ago, rutgers freshman, tyler clementi, the young man right there, his life was thrown on to the internet it was more than he could bear. he went to the george washington bridge and took his own life. almost a year to the day from tyler's suicide, jamie lost his battle with bullies. he took a part in the "it gets better" campaign on line but one night he lost the hope. the bullying outlived him. his sister and friends were taunted the night of his wake at school. we've come to know jamie and tyler this past year just as we came to know so many children. these are the faces of other students, other students who have taken their own lives after being bullied. the bullying happens every day in school and online. sometimes we don't know about

it. sometimes we just hear stories about it and sometimes, it is even caught on tape. watch. >> get your ass off my book bag. >> okay move, move! >> i'll beat your ass. >> what? no, ow -- why are you stabbing me with that? >> going to knock your face. >> give it to him, hard! >> you heard the other kid saying, give it to him, hard. that's alex. some of the abuse that he endured every day from a remarkable documentary called "the bully project."

we'll show you more on tonight's program. our question tonight, the reason we are gathered here so is to make sure alex's story and the other kids' stories of bullies don't just get handed down through the generations of bullies, and victims and hurt and loss. we want to say and say out loud, the bullying stops here. we want solutions and tonight, we hope to begin to find them. dr. phil mcgraw is with us and so is bullying expert, rosalind wiseman. parents and members of the rutgers community. my friends, kelly ripa is here, she has three kids and like my mom worries. jane lynch will also be joining us tonight. who is raising daughters with her wife, will be here. the issue came to the country's attention and i'll bring in phil mcgraw and rosalind wiseman. phil, what kind of grade would you give in terms of progress that's been made this year on

the issue. >> i would give a high grade as far as intention to both legislators and administrators and teachers. the teachers are the heroes. they work for very little money and they're very dedicated but i would give us a very low grade for execution. i would give us a low grade for what we have accomplished and it is because we are going at it from the wrong point of view. we're dealing with this with bullies as criminals. and then they're victims. and we can't see them in that way. there's got to be intervention with both. and it's not just kons kuwaiting it. they both need help and social skills training and things they can only get if we put it in the curriculum and it can't get in the curriculum if we don't put money behind it and we don't make it just as much a part of a student's day as math, history and science. >> rosalind, what kind of grade would you give? >> about a c minus for many of the reasons dr. phil spoke of.

it's so punitive. it doesn't understand the complexesities of tissue. we have good people intending to do well reacting to anxiety and are not thinking through how it impacts a school. but who i do give an a to is are the kids and the young people making videos and songs and music videos, all of these things they are trying to express. it's awe i then tick to their life experience and sharing that with other people. >> i don't give the kids an a? >> you're disagreeing with me? >> i give the kids, do what you say. the ones on youtube reaching out for their own experience. what i don't give an a to are the kids on the bus that sat there and watched that happen and they're just as guilty as the kids doing it. >> one of the amazing things, we conduct aid study and we'll show you the results throughout the hour. more than 75% of the cases, i think it was, kids don't intervene. nobody intervenes and we're going to look at the importance of intervention. when i first started to try to understand the bullying issues i

saw bullies and victims but after researching this and talking to dr. phil and other experts i realize now it is more complex. we decided to team up with socialologyists. robert faris is doing ground breaking research on bullying. we launched and in depth investigation at a wheatley school on new york's long island. we wanted to look at how this problem plays out in one school. and what's really interesting is in doing this study, the sociologist faris believes we uncovered some larger truths about schools and about bullying nationwide. take a look. >> they're calling it like, gay, faggot, dumb ass. >> you're a slut, you are fat, you are a whore. you are disgusting. >> like a lot of schools in america, wheatley school has a bullying problem.

>> they physically abused me. mentally abused me. emotionally abused me and aisle i'll admit it, i had thoughts of suicide. >> more than 700 students at wheatley were asked very specific questions about aggression like -- does a student at your school pick on you or do something mean to you. did you pick on or do something mean to another student at your school? the results were eye-opening. a key finding, bullies, what researchers call aggressors are also often victims. do you think somebody is an aggressor and also a victim or do you think it crosses over? >> everyone's a bully and everyone's a victim >> everyone's a bully? >> you've bullied. i've bullied. whether you know it or not you've bullied someone. >> the study also shows why kids bully. sociologist robert faris calls it social combat, using aggressive bullying behavior to climb the social ladder. >> it's pretty much a "race to the top." by getting to the top you view yourself as one of the important people of your school and that

is the reason why bullying occurs. >> the study found the higher they get, the more aggressive and victimized they become. 56% of wheatley students surveyed said they were involved in either aggression, victimization or both. and over 80% of incidents were never reported to adults. and joining us now are two teens from wheatley. you heard from bridget. she was rated as being in the top 5% of victims and the top 20% of aggressors. you were surprised, i know, to hear that. and josh, top 5% of victims and 5 percent of aggressors. and we're joined by the study's author. robert and kelly ripa is also in the audience. bridget, you say everyone is a bully or a victim at one time or another. what do you mean? >> there's the obvious bully that picks on someone else and is like what that video showed. there can be a physical bully. there can be an emotional bully that attacks, whether it is behind a computer or if it is

just you two. it doesn't always have to be i'm going to punch you in the face or something like that. threatening is bullying. >> it's not going to go away. >> it stays with you. >> it's interesting, bob, to me the study was really eye-opening and we picked wheatley because it takes this problem seriously but the results are similar to schools around the country that you studied. the idea of social combat i find fascinating. explain that a bit more. >> one of the things we found at wheatley and other schools i've studied -- there are two types of patterns going on. one is where, you know, maybe a vulnerable kid who's a little different in some way, who's violated unwritten codes of social life in a school is getting piled on and picked on

relentlessly, in a chronic fashion. but then there's this whole other sort of hidden -- and actually more common form of aggression where kids are using it a little more tactically to climb these social hierarchies and that's much more prevalent in all the schools we've seen and it seems to peak in the middle to upper ranges of the status hierarchy. >> and josh you had two friends that turned on you to try to advance themselves. what happened? >> as their life went on they felt like, oh, we can make new friends. be cooler, go to parties every friday or saturday night but this kid, he's a nerd. we have to hold him back. out of nowhere, you are close buddies and hanging out and the next day they are treating you like trash. >> do you think you're both a victim and an aggressor? you scored the same on both. >> i could see the victim part. i went through a lot with that. but the aggressive part i don't really see because i'm pretty quiet in school. >> do you find it interesting? a lot of kids didn't see themselves as aggressors. >> yeah. they may not realize that they

have done something, you know, that was interpreted as mean to a peer. kids may not always be aware of it. that's certainly the case. >> kelly, the idea of social combat, that was an eye-opening phrase. >> i think it makes a lot of sense because nobody wants to be the kid that is suddenly turned on, i think, you know. if you are sort of a swept up in the group and you see a good friend who is at the top of the social food chain, say, and suddenly the tables have turned and suddenly this sort of popular kid has become the victim in an attempt to take over the social hierarchy. i don't think there will be a lot of interference because nobody wants to be the person that's suddenly turneden. -- turned on. >> does the idea of social combat ring true to you? >> i've been writing about it for 20 years. teachers, administrators and parents look at it and say, that's the way human beings are. and the thing we have to consistently say to people is -- degrading people is never right. and it always comes down to what you're being degraded by race, you're being degraded by social

economic class. not having as much money as someone else. your sexual orientation or perceived sexual orientation, it always comes down to that. >> and dr. phil it is so different. adults that say -- this has always been around and that's true but now, online, it's not just in schools anymore. it's 24 hours a day. >> and the problem with this and you were talking about the impact of bullying after the fact, what happens is that the victim takes over for the bully when the bully leaves. bully leaves but the victim repeats it in their head over and over and over, this internal dialogue where they repeat and even enhance and embellish what the bully said and therefore, embrace it from the inside out. >> you had a form spring account. i know it is not as popular as it once was.

people could anonymously say things to you. but you kept it because -- why did you keep the account? >> because they were not all negative. i did get a few nice ones. >> that was enough to make you want to keep it? >> i also like to respond to the bad ones. i did respond. if you're just like, all right, i see what you're spending your time doing -- >> plus you want to take the temperature and see if they're still on you or not and see if there were 100 last night and 08 tonight, it's better. >> i used to get seven in one hour, seven in a week. i can get one -- >> didn't it feel like if you didn't respond you were weak? you couldn't let it pass? >> yes. and sometimes they would write back and say, oh, look at you not writing back. >> more startling research from the study on bullying. including some good news on bullying. we will talk to the principal of wheatley and minnesota's largest school district is facing a lawsuit. the teachers are barred from talking about homosexuality. we will talk to students who say the policy creates a dangerous, toxic environment where they are harassed routinely. >> you get shoved and you feel

like they just think you are a piece of garbage they can just throw away. >> piece of bar gaj they can throw away." bullying, it stops here will be back in a minute for fastidious librarian emily skinner, each day was fueled by thorough preparation for events to come. well somewhere along the way, emily went right on living. but you see, with the help of her raymond james financial advisor, she had planned for every eventuality. ...which meant she continued to have the means to live on... ...even at the ripe old age of 187. life well planned. see what a raymond james advisor can do for you. it's pro-cool technology releases armies of snowmen masseuse who cuddle up with your soreness and give out polar bear hugs. technology. [ male announcer ] new bengay cold therapy. the same technology used by physical therapists. go to bengay.com for a $3 coupon.

welcome back to "bullying:it stops here." before the break we discovered that high schools are social battlefields with students fighting for supremacy to rise on the social ladder students you aggression or bullying to improve their position. but the good news, the study shows more often than not it doesn't work to really improve your social standing long term. the other key is we're learning about the importance of kids intervening to help other kids. dr. phil talked about this

earlier. in 77% of aggressive incidents, no bystanders intervened. 77%, and that has to change. joining the conversation is jacob, at wheatley student. he caught our eye because the study ranked him as one of the students that most often tries to stop bullying in his high school. and sean feeney, wheatley's principal and the co-author of this the study robert faris and rosalyn weissman. >> i want to stress your school takes this problem seriously and is one of the top-ranked schools in the country. were you surprised by some of the results? >> i was surprised somewhat. i have worked in a number of different schools in a number of different social and cultural context overseas and in the city, and what i found in my experience with kids is that kids are kids are kids are kids.

and unfortunately, these dynamics occur in all places. that's not to excuse it or tolerate it. but you can't be a high school principal and not acknowledge and recognize problems such as drugs, alcohol, sex and bullying. these are all issues, many of which are tied into the issue of self-esteem and sense of self which is something that's developing in high school kids. >> bob, you talk about the power of bystanders to actually stop this. >> bystanders, form the majority of a school and they have -- they're the ones who allocate status. collectively. they decide who's cool and who's not. they have this sort of power to step in and change the culture of the school and intervene in specific situations. >> and that's a hopeful thing because if you can get the norm being kids intervening, that can change that dynamic of bully ing. >> absolutely. but they have to have the faith and trust that their teachers and administrator also do right by them. and so what i want to applaud is

you saying -- this is a problem that happens. the more information that i can get about this problem, like doing this evaluation, helps me do right by my kids. that's the kind of principal we have to have. >> jacob, you're one of the top interveners in the school. why do you think that is? what is it about bullying that you've seen that makes you want to intervene? >> well, i believe that no one deserves to feel bad about themselves or have other people view bad of them, so if you have the opportunity to make someone feel better about themselves or prevent it from happening then i believe you should take it. >> did you know you were one of the top interveners. >>? ? >> no rnls i didn't. >> you must have been incredibly relieved. you open up the study and you're

like, yay, i'm the intervener, that's good. how do you, principal, how do you get kids -- more interveners? how do you build that number? >> the power of the intervener was very exciting to me because this study in the research clearly showed that if you are friends with someone who is an intervener you're more likely to intervene the next time. so this sense of cultural norms which i think you spoke of earlier, the renormalizing the culture, you can change. and the key is from students. >> and i was interested in your study to see that bullying doesn't work. as a strategy long term, to get to the top of the social hierarchy, it's nonsustainable and it doesn't really work? >> on average it doesn't? >> it works in the moment. it just doesn't work long term. immediate gratification is there and that's the most powerful reward a kid can have is immediate gratification but it doesn't work long term, right? >> there's exceptions. it depends when they're picking on. i don't want to get into details on how bullies can be successful, but there were some exemptions to it. but by and large that is true. but that's the great irony. it's not working and actually, even more surprising is that it increases the anxiety and the depression that the bullies themselves.

experience. it increases their anxiety levels and their depression levels and i think they end up hating themselves on some level. >> why do you think by and large, it does not work as a strategy gore getting to the top of the heap. >> if your goal is to climb to the top of the hierarchy, excel in something. there's a lot better ways that are expected and admired. play the flute. >> that will do it. the old play the flute. >> but there's a lot of better ways. >> you were in the band, weren't you? >> there's a lot of better ways to do it and i don't think kids are fooled. they're not overly impressed. >> they don't trust the bully so they stay away from them. >> do you think that's true? >> absolutely. you watch kids go through the process and they realize that they are like paranoid about having to re-affirm their power position so they're never sure who they're friends are and if they'll really back them up or if they back them up it's because they fear them so

loyalty becomes that you're backing up somebody because they're doing something utah call, but loyalty is not speaking truth to power. and friendship is really speaking truth to power. >> kids are getting caught up in the status games and what they should be doing is focusing on coming out of high school with a handful of good friends. having good friendships is really protective. it may not prevent all the bullying from occurring, but it helps kids heal. >> we got to take a break. an up-close look at one school system where seven kids have taken their own lives. is the school's policy of not discussing sexuality part of the problem? they are facing a lawsuit right now. we'll talk to students up ahead. >> they would call me "fag" and "gross" and tell me i'm going to hell and stuff and it makes you feel like you're the grossest person in the world. [ female announcer ] in the grip of arthritis, back, or back joint pain?

aspercreme breaks the grip, with maximum-strength medicine and no embarrassing odor. break the grip of pain with aspercreme.

>> they would taunt in the hallways. i felt i could never escape it. i promise it will get better. i have so much support from people i don't even know on-line. i know that sounds creepy but they are so nice and caring. and they don't ever want me to die. >> they don't want me to die. that was jamie rodemeyer. laws differ from state to state and bullying policies differ from school to school sometimes. in minnesota's largest school district, seven students have taken their own lives in less than two years.

the school district is facing a federal investigation and a lawsuit from two advocacy groups and several students. the allegation? pervasive anti-gay harassment. the students suing say the district's policy of barring teachers from talking about homosexuality jeopardizes their safety at school. the school district, heavily conservative, declined to speak to us citing the ongoing litigation but they did defend the policy to cnn in april. watch. >> all the students come with parents in this community and parents have a wide range of beliefs. we serve them all. >> that's the superintendent of the school district. with us now, four students who were fighting back. kyle, damian, brittany and dylan. and joining us is jane lynch and sunny hostin from tru tv. you told me about an incident in a bathroom. what happened? >> i had to use the bathroom and i walk in the door and these people were watching me. they were just staring at me.

i go into the stall and i hear laughing. i hear laughter. and i look up and i have something dripping down my head and someone was peeing on me. >> how often do you get bullied or pushed around? >> almost every day. >> almost every day? >> yes. >> damian, you are straight but your two dads are gay and you are on a gymnastic team that people make fun of you for. what do people say to you? >> gay, faggot, gay boy. >> brittany? >> they call dike. [ bleep ]. faggot. and words i'm a shamed to say to this day. >> if you go to a counselor in your school, brittany, what do they tell you? what do they say to you? >> they tell me not to use that

language. that's not appropriate. and -- >> but you're not the one using the language? >> yeah. i explained to them what they would say and how they said it but they would tell me not to talk that way and not use that language or just forget about it or ignore them or walk away because if you don't act like it doesn't bother you it will stop but it never did. >> you've been taken out and you're being home schooled. did you just not feel safe in school? >> kids made me feel like i was the grossest person in the world and they would just go against walls and say, here comes the he/she. or here comes the trash. and they made me feel gross and i didn't feel safe at school so i just left. >> damian, if -- i know you had an incident where someone called you the "n" word. did teachers do something about that? >> yeah. they were more -- they would take care of it faster than they

would have if someone called me gay or faggot. >> so if someone uses a racial slur, teachers respond, you're say something. >> yeah, right away. >> but if someone calls you the "f" word, what happened? >> they would shrug it off and tell me not to use the word like brittany said. >> as a parent, anderson, i am stuing with rage. i just feel so angry and so upset for the four of you and your class experience and it seems to me that this is all backwards. instead of taking it up with the kids that are tormenting daily and using abusive language and being abusive to their students, this young man can't even go to school anymore. he shouldn't be the one having to stay home. the bullies and the aggressors should have to be made to stay home or expelled from school. i just want you to know that people do care about you. i care about you and i really feel touched for your experience.

really. >> jane, you and your wife are raising a daughter. when you hear these kids, what goes through your mind? >> these kids need to know they are loved. it's really, really sad they don't have an advocate and i think the neutrality policy is abdicating the adult's responsibility of protecting these kids and it is very is a sad. -- makes me sad. >> sonny, the 'school district is facing a federal investigation and a lawsuit. what could happen? is this criminal? >> certainly. a lot of this behavior is protected by federal law. these are civil rights' violations and i think that's what the problem is here. these children aren't allowed to be they were authentic selves and our laws have to protect that. don't we want our children to grow and be their authentic selves. not try to be someone they are not and act in this sort of shame-based way. i think the law should be here to protect the most vulnerable in our society.

>> rosalyn, the idea of being neutral policy, a policy where you do not use specific words, does that work as an anti-bullying policy. >> no it plays right in to the bully's hands. it stops well-meaning people from being able to speak out. it makes these children feel as if they have no recourse. i want to go back to what the superintendent said when he said we have a variety of believes here and we need to address the believes. the single belief a superintendent of the school should be having is the health and dignity of the children. that is it. [ applause ] >> do you think it would make a difference if you could talk to teachers and talk to counselors? do you think it would make a difference in your lives? >> yeah, i do. >> how so? >> i think if people understood what we were going through that maybe, just maybe they'd understand and if they would just listen to us speak and actually, meet us before they jump to conclusions, maybe this

wouldn't happen. you know, i have prayed every day that i didn't have to go back to school. and i go -- >> you pray every day you don't have to go back? >> yeah. i would hide under the seats of the bus and -- >> under the seats? >> i would. >> i understand at one point, how many kids does who were bullying you. >> 40. >> 40 kids? >> yes. >> you can identify 40 kids? >> yeah. >> i want to thank you kids for your courage and strength. i think you're so impressive and so brave and i think you have tremendous courage. thank you. i appreciate it. [ applause ] coming up, we'll show you what happened to this little boy, alex, after the bullying that happened to him was caught on camera. before we go, i met kyle yesterday and all the kids

yesterday and kyle loves lady gaga. >> she's amazing. >> she's amazing. but yesterday when i interviewed kyle and i was talking to him and he said, is there anything else you'd like so a and he said, i want to sing a song and he said that to me today when he sat down he said, i can sing? so kyle is going to sing his favorite song. hold your head up and you'll go far listen to me when i say how beautiful you are because god makes no mistakes on the right track, baby i was born this way don't feel regret just love yourself and you'll stay on the right track baby, i was born this way [ cheers and applause

[ male announcer ] for sore muscles use new bengay cold therapy, it's pro-cool technology releases armies of snowmen masseuse who cuddle up with your soreness and give out polar bear hugs. technology. [ male announcer ] new bengay cold therapy. the same technology used by physical therapists. go to bengay.com for a $3 coupon. the same technology used by physical therapists. montgomery and abigail higgins had... ...a tree that bore the most rare and magical fruit. which provided for their every financial need. and then, in one blinding blink of an eye, their tree had given its last. but with their raymond james financial advisor, they had prepared for even the unthinkable. and they danced. see what a raymond james advisor can do for you. and what it doesn't cover can cost you some money.

that's why you should consider an aarp... medicare supplement insurance plan... insured by unitedhealthcare insurance company. all medicare supplement insurance plans can help pay... some of what medicare doesn't, so you could save... thousands of dollars in out-of-pocket expenses. call now for this free information kit and medicare guide. if you're turning 65 or you're already on medicare... you should know about this card -- it's the only one of its kind endorsed by aarp; see if it's right for you. all medicare supplement plans let you keep your own doctor, or hospital that accepts medicare. there are no networks and no referrals needed. help protect yourself from some of what medicare doesn't pay... and save up to thousands of dollars in potential... out-of-pocket expenses with an aarp... medicare supplement insurance plan... insured by unitedhealthcare insurance company. call this toll-free number on your screen now... for this free information kit, including this... medicare guide and customized rate quote.

welcome back to this special report "bullying:it stops here." so much bullying occurs online as well as in school and it's rare that it's caught on camera.

there's an extraordinary documentary called "the bully project" shown to the department of education and parents featured in it have met with the president and first lady and gives you a look at some of the horrors that some kids face. this is what 13-year-old alex faced on a school bus in sioux city, iowa. >> get your ass off my book bag. i'll beat your ass. [ inaudible ] >> why are you punching me? >> no, no, ouch! why are you stabbing me with >> why are you punching me? >> no, no, ouch! why are you stabbing me with that? >> i'm going to knock your face. [ inaudible ] >> give it to him hard!

>> joining me now is the filmmaker and kelly ripa, jane lynche, dr. phil mcgraw and rosalind wiseman. the film is extraordinary. kelly watched it last night. we have all seen it. you spent a year in the school. did it surprise you what you saw and what you were able to capture? >> didn't surprise me. i think the goal of making the fim film was to get out there and show what kids go through, to show what kyle goes through, to give it something that is really real so we can stop denying it. so we can stop saying this is just a rite of passage. it didn't surprise me. and i think -- the scary part is it didn't surprise a lot of people. >> you were so concerned about alex, the little boy on the bus, you actually showed the footage to his mom? i want to show another clip from

the film. >> did i understand at some point you have gotten used to this? and i'm not. i'm not used to it because i didn't know and i'm not about to get used to it. does it make you feel good when they punch you or kick you? or stab you? do these things make you feel good? >> no. >> well, i don't know. i'm starting to think i don't feel anything anymore. >> that was the moment that i think scared me the most when he said, i don't feel anything anymore. and you see a boy who has been failed on every level. my children were afraid of his experience on the bus. they watched it, and it terrified them. it's very far away from their experience at school. and when he said "i don't feel anything anymore" kid also go to great lengths to feel something and i feel like something needs to intervene on his behalf in

the right way. >> that's what bothers me about this. look, these bullies have parents. where are the parents? if your child's a bully, it's your job to know your child is a bully. it's your job to know that. it's your job to intervene at that level as a parent. it's your job to talk to the school. >> i have talked to a lot of parents who have tried to intervene with the parents of bully and the parents don't recognize it as a problem. >> that's what i'm saying. they don't see it because it is often times modelled in the home. there is aggressive behavior in the home and that becomes the norm. these kids aren't born this way, anderson. it is learned. it is a social skill deficit that they learn and their parents need to know that and intervene. >> the place where we stop it is

the public forum of the school. because we can't control these homes. but we can control what happens to kids at school. and we can have -- we can push for more empathy and more understanding. that's where we have a chance to make an impact. >> what bothers me is i don't think you can put a fence around the school. administrators say it happened off campus. it wasn't actually on school. it was in a chat room and this and that. you have to take down the fences and boundaries. we're responsibility adults. we know this is going on we need to caucus and talk to the parents and have a discussion about this. and not to come in and put the bully under the jail. you're not going to punish this out of the bully. that young man that was doing that on the bus, that bully, to me, that's a tormented child. the bully. there's something going on. >> when we went home for dinner that night and his mom said, how was your day? what did you do today? and he didn't say i tormented this little boy alex. and i punched him and strangled him and i told him i was going to stab him. >> he said it was fine.

>> jane, do you agree with -- that the school is the place to address it? at least it's the most obvious place to or not that it's easy but the easiest place to address it? >> i think changing the hearts and minds of people is almost a fruitless enterprise. i think you have to institute it in the schools. and there has to be real -- there has to be real consequences for the kids who bully. these kids are not shot out of a vacuum. they come from a home that instills certain values and certain behaviors and there's really nothing we can do about it but at our schools and at the legislature level we can do something about protecting these kids. >> if i can kmernt on what you were saying. jane, you were saying it has to happen at the school. here's the point. if that is going to happen, we have to teach the teachers what to do. these teachers don't know what to do. nobody has sat down and given them courses in life skills and intervention with these kids and teaching empathy. we can't ask them to do if we don't teach them what to do and

don't fund it so it is part of the curriculum. >> i think that's an excellent point. we do need to help with professional development. not just teachers but administrators, cafeteria folks, bus drivers, all the support personnel. you hear this when administrators, teachers watch our film they'll say, like, i don't have the tools. >> we got to take break. panel

welcome back with our panel. >> you captured a moment for me in the until film that will stay with me everywhere. the two boys come in from recess. the principal is there to greet them. one is distraught and the other is chasing them and she slows them down and says what's going on. >> let's show this. >> he's offering his hand and let this drop. >> you may go. >> cole, i expected more. >> he criticizes me every single day. >> why are you around him? i don't. he comes to me. i try to get away from him and he follows me. he follows me and he follows me and he calls me a pu -- >> that's not right and he shouldn't do that. you know what, he was trying to say he was sorry.

>> he already did and he didn't mean it. it continued on. >> you didn't -- when you stuck out your hand you didn't mean it either. so that means you're just like him. >> i was screaming at the screen. i was screaming at the screen. >> you see this all the time? >> i do. i work in schools and i see it and what is so infuriating is that we often say to kids, they should trust us. they should believe in adults. and when they have adults in their life who have failed them in this way or fail the way the kids have been failed, why should children believe that we can do differently? why should they take this enormous leap of faith? and reveal this vulnerability? and all of this fear? there's two things that i talk to teachers all the time about. one is that they are at the

bridge. that if they're good teachers and they are in math or french or spanish, the kids will talk to them. the second thing teachers need to do regardless of what they teach is if kids use the word fag or whatever. they say, if you say that word and you're saying this word to put somebody down, it's not acceptable in my classroom. are we good? we're good. it takes ten seconds and it sends a message to every single kid in the classroom what the teacher stands for. >> but they don't say it in front of the teachers as often as they say it away from the teachers and that involves the parents. everybody keeps saying the the parents just know what the kids tell them. if you are a parent it's your job to observe the child and know what they are doing. show up when they don't know you are going to be there. find out when they don't know they are being observed. find out how they treat other people. i have had parents on the show who said my 5-year-old would never be aggressive to anyone else and. else and i put him behind the mirror and let them watch and the kid is stabbing another kid with a barbie doll.

it's your job to see it. you heard that at columbine. they have armory under their bed. parents cannot just check out and say -- they didn't tell me. it's your job to find out. >> one of the things i'm hopeful for with our film and the conversation that we're having is that parents also feel more empowered to have those conversations. not just if they are afraid their kid's a bully but if their child is being bullied. >> it's more than conversation. they need to see what you saw. >> yeah. >> hopefully the empathy to have the third conversation, to have the fourth conversation. >> can't just be one conversation. >> the sixth conversation. and for fathers and sons, you know, it may be is great advice to say go deck that bully and it will stop, but when it doesn't, and it's the second and third

and fourth conversation, you know, how are you going to be able to talk to your son? >> i want to bring in doctor from rutgers university. it's been a year since tyler's suicide. what is the school done in the wake of that? >> rutgers has always valued the diversity of our student body and what happened with tyler was just an incredible strategy i can and a shock to us. but what we did since then is institute a few different things that are important. not only for our lbgq. they're doing things for a higher purpose. the issue of bullying and harassment has a lot to do with kids that have lost their way and so we try to find a program called "civic engagement" where our students are able to come together, working together for communities that really have a lot less than they do, and when we find we're bringing on

diverse students together to do that, it just changes the way they relate to each other. they come to different kinds of understandings of each other and that's been one of the most important things we've done. >> cnn has teamed up with the cartoon network and time inc. to create a facebook app. explain what the app is. >> it is a stop bullying speak up app available through facebook. it's a great platform where young adults, kids, adults, can get together and take a pledge to speak up to stop bullying and created a community where everyone can share resources so that we all can make a difference. today, 40,000 people have taken the pledge to speak up against bullying and i'm really requesting that if anyone hasn't taken the pledge to please do so and hopefully, by taking the pledge, we're all able to speak up and stop bullying. >> thanks very much.

>> if you or anyone you know is having trouble thinking about suicide or having thoughts like that, we have resources to help on the ac360.com page. i want to thank everyone today, especially the kids who had the bravery to speak out about what they are facing every day. this is not just a problem for the kids who are here and for their parents, this is a problem for all of us that all of us have to solve together. so much is at stake. don't let our kids down. bullying, it can stop here. thanks for watching. it doesn't cover everything. and what it doesn't cover can cost you some money. that's why you should consider an aarp... medicare supplement insurance plan... insured by unitedhealthcare insurance company. all medicare supplement insurance plans can help pay... some of what medicare doesn't, so you could save... thousands of dollars in out-of-pocket expenses. call now for this free information kit and medicare guide.

if you're turning 65 or you're already on medicare... you should know about this card -- it's the only one of its kind endorsed by aarp; see if it's right for you. all medicare supplement plans let you keep your own doctor, or hospital that accepts medicare. there are no networks and no referrals needed. help protect yourself from some of what medicare doesn't pay... and save up to thousands of dollars in potential... out-of-pocket expenses with an aarp... medicare supplement insurance plan... insured by unitedhealthcare insurance company. call this toll-free number on your screen now... for this free information kit, including this... medicare guide and customized rate quote.