sanjay gupta. they're teaming up to battle an epidemic that's hit 60 million americans. it's loneliness and it could be affecting your health. that's tomorrow. that's all for us tonight. anderson cooper starts right now. good evening, everyone. tonight, a city the size of chicago is in flames. it's been all night, and the political inferno is spreading. take a look at kiev, capital of you train, a country that was once part of the old soviet union, and is erupting with the government's decision to align itself more closely with vladamir putin. tonight, government forces moved in and inflicting heavy casualties. the best we can determine right now, 11 protesters, 9 police

officers and 1 other person have been killed but expect those numbers to change. they've been rising all night. phil black is in kiev right now and joins us by phone. >> reporter: anderson, there is still a huge crowd here in i would -- in independent square, all of them working to ensure they continue their occupation. there are young men with shields, black helmets, beating those bond fires, all of them designed along the barricades to try and keep the security forces away. after a day of the deadliest violence, the people on this square believe the security forces are going to try and kick them out. tonight, though, opposition leaders have been negotiating with the government and the president a short time ago,

those talks broke up without results. but a deadly toll, one that's claimed we now believe more than 20 lives. has not been able to hedge the two sides closer and enable them to find a solution. >> we're showing multiple images on our screen. the main picture, this long line of fires, those are fires set by whom? what exactly are we looking at? >> those fires have been set by opposition protesters themselves. today, the end of the running street battles have ballen back to independence square and they're trying to build up their defenses as best they can. and those fires are the biggest part of that at the moment. they have built all of these bond fires. at one point they spread out across a large section of this wide road, it's giving you have

incredible heat. it is designed to keep the security forces away, to make them think twice about trying to enter the square. >> as we said, blood has been spilt today. the concern is more may be spilt tonight. phil, we'll check back in with you later on and go more in depth because we want to give you more context on what is happening and why and what may be the end result of this all. a new development in the jordan davis story that may speak volumes about the man who shot and killed jordan davis. in his own words from jail, when he was awaiting the trial that would end in convictions on three counts on attempted murder but a hung jury on the murder charge itself. prosecutors have released recordings of jailhouse phone calls to his fiance. again, these are phone calls before the trial. the woman who was inside the convenience store, his fiance, when he pumped ten shots in that red suv, hitting jordan davis

three times. that happened after an argument over loud music. dunn said he saw what looked like a gun. no weapon was ever found by police. he never mentioned a gun to his fiance and never called police. instead, they went to their hotel, they walked his dog and ordered a pizza. the calls and a common threat believes the true victim in the case, and you'll hear this from him, is michael dunn. in this call, his fiance tells him she believes he's innocent. here is his reply? >> i was thinking about that today. i'm the [ bleep ] victim here. i was the one who was victimized. i mean, i don't know how else to put it. it's like, they attacked me. i'm the victim. >> right. >> i'm the victor, but i was the victim, too. >> saying that he was attacked. dunn comparing himself to a rape victim. >> i was the one that was being preyed upon, and i fought back.

>> right. >> and then, you know, it's not quite the same but made me think of like the old tv shows and movies where, like, how the police used to think when a chick got raped, oh, it's her fault because of the way she was dressed. so it's my fault because i asked hem to turn their music down. i got attacked and i fought pack because i didn't want to be a victim and now i'm in trouble. >> yeah. >> i refuse to be a victim and now i'm incarcerated. >> some of his jailhouse letters have also been made public. the jail is full of blacks, and they all act like thugs he writes, dated july 12 of last year. he expressed similar sentiments ant being in solitary confinement. >> being in a room by myself

kind of sucks, but i guess it would be better than being in a room with them animals. >> dunn faces at least 60 years on the attempted murder charges. prosecutors say they intend to retry him on the murder count itself. benjamin crump is fighting the statutes that many believe made it easier for dunn to shoot. he's an attorney for the trayvon martin family. ben, these tapes are stunning. we hear michael dunn say over and over again that he was the victim in the situation, not jordan davis. when you hear him say this, what goes through your mind? >> well, unfortunately, you have all these individuals with these imaginary fears of young black men, for whatever reason, and then when they're held accountable by the law for just being arrested, anderson, then they feel like they're the

victim. i tell you, they are not more of a victim than jordan davis' family. they are not more of a victim than trayvon martin's family. >> he also makes comparison between himself and women who have been raped, trying to make the point that it was him who was preyed on and who fought back. he keeps saying it was like he was attacked. the reality is he was not attacked. >> that's the problem with this whole stand your ground law, anderson. because if you kill the individual and it's only your word against a dead man's word, then you just have to try to come up with excuses of how much fear you were in and why you should be exonerated and it should be justified you murdering this innocent, unarmed kid. >> i want to bring up something you said yesterday on this program. you said that stand your ground law, "legalizes murder of young black men." can you expand on that a little bit more?

those are tough words. what did you mean which that? >> even though michael dunn is off the streets, the justice system let him escape criminal liability for killing jordan davis, just as george zimmerman escaped criminal liability for killing trayvon martin. so in the end, anderson, what you have, when you think about the message that's being pour trade to america is when you shoot, if you miss, you go to jail, that's what jordan davis' killer was convicted of, attempted murder, not for killing jordan. so this stand your ground law should be called the don't miss law, because if you miss, you go to jail. but if you kill the young minority, then you're not held accountable. >> do you believe that stand your ground can be equally used by an african-american youth against a caucasian if he feels threatened by or says he feels threatened by a caucasian person, do you think the law is equally applied in the state of

florida? >> well, anderson, where does it happen in america when trayvon martin kills an unarmed george zimmerman or jordan davis kills an unarmed michael dunn and they are not arrested, convicted of first degree murder and nobody says a word? but when you reverse the roles, it seems the stand your ground laws allows them to be legalized in killing our children. and at the end of the day, these are our children. so people ask why we're so emotional. they can't fathom their children being gunned down, even though they're doing everything they legally have the right to do and the killer not going to jail. every black parent in america can imagine that happening to our child, and it scares the hell out of us. >> i know it's something you'll be bringing to the legislature in march.

benjamin crump, appreciate you being on. >> thank you, anderson. i want to broaden the question of race and justice in america. we're joined by joseph haynes davis, and charles blow. and sunny hostin and mark geragos. sunny, i know you say you believe there's no question race was involved in this case. >> sure. >> how do these recordings change your opinion or confirm your opinion? >> it solidifies my opinion. when you listen to the calls, he talks about the black people in jail as animals. he writes letters from jail calling blacks thugs. when he writes the letter to his grandmother and says, this may sound radical, but if others -- when black people threatened them, if they killed them, maybe they would change their behavior. that speaks volumes about the person's character. i'm clear in my mind that his fear was based on the fact that these boys were black. when you listen to the phone calls, he says he doesn't

believe that they didn't have a criminal record, because they were bad. i sat with those boys. i met those boys and those families. those are good, decent kids raised in a two family household. not that that necessarily matters, two parent household rather, and they are just good people. >> charles, when you hear those recordings, does it change anything or confirm something for you? >> i think sunny touched on it. sit a confirmation. the bigger issue here is, how people perceive young black bodies, particularly males, young males. this idea that you can embed or project behavior onto them, project pathologies onto those boys, never having met them, all they're doing what teenage boys do. i was 17 once, i was full of myself. i was full of myself and you're out on your own, in the car, that happens. we all have been in a situation

we're at a stop light or gas station where somebody is playing loud music. you deal with it. you roll up a window, you fill up your tank, you move on. this idea that we are creating an environment and a culture that we can now say that fears, whether they're legitimate, whether we actually feel them or we manufacture them, that we can use those fears as justification to take out guns and take people's lives, particularly people who are not threatening you. in this case, there's no evidence whatsoever that those boys attacked dunn in any way. that is a very dangerous precedent we are setting, even if he didn't get off completely but got off on the murder charge or not convicted on the murder charge. the fact that people see that as a legitimate excuse or rational is a problem. >> why weren't those recordings played in court, mark? just prejudicial? >> a lot of times a defense will say it's more prejudicial than

probative. that's the line. meaning you put it in there and it's going to inflame the jury. the interesting thing to me on this discussion and listening to ben crump talk is this reminds me in a bizarre way of what used to happen with cocaine in america. remember the cocaine penalties were so draconian, when cocaine was in the inner city. when powder cocaine became popular in the '80s and a bunch of white kids, at least in california who from middle class families started getting busted. then what happens? the legislature changes the penalties. now possession of cocaine, it's deferred entry of judgment. the thing that people i think don't understand until you get it is look, america is still no matter what anybody says extremely racist place. whether you want to accept it or not, i hear the same kinds of

talk all the time when people think it's safe to say it. >> that scares me. >> this does not surprise me. >> joseph, you say there's no shred of evidence that race played a role in this case. do the tapes change your mind? >> what i mean by that, anderson, and thank you so much. and thank you for having me on your program. what i mean by that is when you look at the jury, you look at the procedure and so forth in this case, i asked the question where in the matter did race play a part in this process? now, we heard the sound, the audio of mr. dunn. he clearly made some bigoted comments and so forth. so one could conclude that mr. dunn is, quite frankly, a bigot. but when you look at the trial itself, i ask this esteem panel of good folks here, where in the

trial, in the procedure, was there any bigotry or overt racism? >> it's at the root of the case. >> let him finish. go ahead. >> may i finish. because i did not interrupt anyone on this panel. let me also say, for complete transparency, i am pro second amendment, i'm a concealed weapons holder, i'm pro stand your ground, pro civil rights, pro women's rights and so forth. at the end of the day, as a black american male in this country, and i've been black and american and male longer than anybody on this panel. i refuse to not embrace every single right under this great constitution, and that includes the right to keep and bear arms. >> but joseph, let me ask you, do you believe in the state of florida that the law is equally applied, that if an african-american male argued stand your ground, shot a -- if

the role s reversed and the youg men were caucasian and it was stand your ground, do you think the law would treat an african-american who shot a white male the same? >> i would like to think so. florida statute 776. 013 is the castle doctrine. on october 16, 2006, i accidently left the garage door up from my garage and the door to my house unlocked. a white male intruder came into my home 3:30 a.m. in the morning. i got up with my .357 magnum with six rounds of hollow point bullets, fired five at him. i missed, but had it not been for that, i might not be here having that conversation with you all on this show. so the answer is yes, i have experienced these statutes

protecting me. let me also say, and let me just say this, i did not like the verdict in zimmerman, and i covered that trial, okay? i think that mr. zimmerman should not have exited the car at all, because that's not how we were trained -- >> i don't want to -- >> as concealed weapons holders in this state. >> i don't want to cover the zimmerman trial again. but when you hear joseph's argument, you don't buy snit >> no. i completely respect the fact that is his experience, but the problem with his argument is it has an evidence problem, which is that all the evidence, when you look at it in the aggregate, shows that there are obvious biases in the system. >> mark or sunny, joseph asked the question, where in this trial is there racism? >> it's at the root of the case. i sat in there every day.

but for the fact that those boys were black, he would not have felt threatened. he made a leap. he saw them, heard loud music and felt threatened by this alleged inherent criminality of the black kid. and nip who doesn't see that is very naive. >> let me just kind of bridge this for you, joseph. >> the fact of the matter is, joseph dunn might be a bigot, but you cannot point to anything this this procedure -- >> you're talking about -- joseph, you're talking about the procedu procedure, court procedure. it seems apples and oranges. you're talking about the procedure itself. mark and sunny, you're talking about the mind of this man. >> this judge ran a, in my opinion, i didn't see anything

that was egregious. i didn't see this judge do anything at any point that i would say -- >> you're not disagreeing with the judge. >> what i'm trying to point out, this is, you know, we can talk about the trial, but the trial is only reflective of the society we live in, and the society we live in, whether, you know, i guess we're the only caucasians on this panel right now, and i don't know if you in new york, you know, here are the kinds of things i hear in some of the communities i hang out in. some of the communities i hang out in, the things that are on those phone calls, that's perfectly acceptable. >> i was surprised by the things he said. >> listen, nobody is disputing bigotry throughout america. since 1857 -- >> in this trial, in this case. >> we've got to leave it there. i appreciate the discussion. good to have you on. let us know what you think

online on twitter. just ahead, we'll go to the peace talks in syria. the civil war has gone from bad to worse. senator john mccain joins us. a long time supporter of giving more aid to the free syrian army. more on the breaking news. the deadly violence. this is kiev. this ukraine, the capital of ukraine in flames. we'll take a look at what's behind the unrest. is it full blown revolution under way? we'll talk about it ahead. hey guys! sorry we're late.

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looking at live pictures of the violence still raging in kiev. tensions have exploded. we're going to have much more on that shortly. first new efforts being made tonight to bring homed only american soldier in captivity, bowe bergdols seized in afghanistan in 2009.

believed to be held by the taliban-aligned network inside pakistan. over the years several proof of life videos of bergdol have been released. cnn is unable to independent confirm their authenticity. a new video has raised concerns about bergdol's health. the taliban has long demanded the release of five prisoners from guantanamo in exchange for his release. the u.s. doesn't negotiate with terrorists. that's the official policy. but time may be running out. with u.s. troops set to leave afghanistan by the end of the year, there's the prospect of leaving a man behind. senator john mccain, a former vietnam prisoner of war has been a vocal opponent of negotiating with the taliban in years past. tonight only on "360" he has a new position. i spoke to him earlier. >> would you oppose the idea of some form of negotiations or

prisoner exchange? in 2012 you called the idea of negotiating with the taliban bizarre, highly questionable. >> well, at that time the proposal was that they would release taliban, some of them really hard-core, particularly five really hard-core taliban leaders as a confidence-building measure. now this idea is for an exchange of prisoners for our american fighting man. i would be inclined to support such a thing depending on a lot of the details. >> of anybody on capitol hill, you know better than anybody what this young man must be going through. obviously it's a very different time. how do you get through something like this? i mean, for somebody in this situation? >> well, i was fortunate in where he is not that i had fellow p.o.w.s, that even though i was a long time in solitary confinement we would tap on the wall to each other and stay in communication.

if it wasn't for that, it would have been a very different story for most of us. and this is why i feel especially sympathetic for mr. bergdahl, because he is all there by himself. >> so if there was the possibility of some sort of exchange, that's something you would support? >> i would support. obviously i'd have to know the details, but i would support ways of bringing him home, and if exchange was one of them i think that would be something i think we should seriously consider. >> i want to ask you a few questions about syria. obviously you've been out in front of this for a long time. you and i have spoken about it a lot. recently we've we've seen horrific videos of syrians tortured, starved by this regime. shouldn't be a surprise, but there's greater documentation than ever before. do you see any way that this situation changes anytime soon? >> i do if we take really significant measures, training,

arming, equipping and i mean really arming and equipping, including surface-to-hand-held missile capabilities. there are no good options. none. but doing nothing, which is basically what we've done, anderson, is the worst of all options. and the president of the united states who said it wasn't a matter of whether but when that bashar al assad would leave and all the ridiculous statements he made in the past was before 5,000 hezbollah came. and this farce, this joke, this sad tragedy of the geneva agreements thinking that somehow bashar al assad would negotiate his departure when he's winning was just the height of insanity and an insult to the intelligence of all of us who know this. the only thing that bashar will understand will be a shift in the battlefield. and also the russians have got to pay a price for continuing this supply. the iranians have to pay a price. hezbollah has to pay a price. if i'm passionate about this, i am passionate about this.

and i want to thank you. i want to thank you personally for all the coverage you have given this issue. >> well, we have a video which is obtained by cnn. it's an execution we understand committed not by forces of the assad regime, which god knows they have committed plenty of atrocities, nor by members of the free syrian army but rather by members of the islamic state of iraq in syria, isis. this is not -- or would you say this is what some in the international community have feared most? you now have a situation where moderate groups are having to fight against these radical groups as opposed to fighting even against the assad regime. >> they are fighting a two-front war. by the way, it's interesting that bashar al assad is not attacking those areas that are controlled by isis. but there is a backlash against isis. one the 7,000 foreign fighters are primarily there. this brutality they've been practicing has caused a reaction

and a coalition of moderate and islamic groups that are doing -- achieving a little bit of success. but they need a lot of help. we've got to take out these helicopters that are dropping these barrel bombs. can you imagine dropping these barrel bombs that are just cluster -- crude cluster bombs indiscriminately killing people? when is the united states of america going to show some leadership? when is the president of the united states going to look at history and say, how is history going to judge me and this country when we simply watched these people dishgs which is now 130,000. it is a regional conflict. and it's going to spread. >> 130,000 dead. as always you can find more on the story at cnn.com. coming up next we're going to take you back to ukraine. this is a really important story. the capital kiev in flames. you see the images there. rebellion spreading across the country. going to give you context about what is going on. what the demonstrators want, what the government wants.

later with billions of tax dollars at stake, your money, lobbyists who are literally in bed with congress. big money influence peddlers with the inside track. their spouses are the lawmakers them southeasts. we're keeping them honest.

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take a lock -- look at the images. ukrainian forces moving hard tonight on protesters in independence square. a crisis appears to be spreading right now. want to go back to the phone and phil black who is in kiev tonight. also joining us former cnn correspondent jill dougherty. phil, we spoke at the top of the show. explain the situation now. the images we're seeing, the flames still burning there in independence square. >> indeed. just about 3:30 a.m. local time. there are still thousands of people here, anderson. they're all working most of them in one way or another. they're either fuelling those big bon fires that you can see, building up barricades, standing sentry at the frontline with shields and batons or literally tearing up the roads, the buildings, forming huge piles of rubble which are really ammunition they say they're

prepared to use if riot police try to move through here and retake the square. those fires have actually spread into a building, a multistory building overlooking the square. you can see the outside of the fire, outside of the building not badly damaged. but inside that fire is darting the building as we speak. it is the building that these opposition protesters have been using as their main headquarters for the last few months, anderson. >> jill, my understanding the russians want the ukraine economy tied to moscow, not the european union, which is what the protesters want. they want it tied to the european union. explain to people why this is important. >> it's extremely important. because ukraine is a very big country. it's right on the eastern part of europe between europe and russia. it's just east of poland. it has a population of 45 million people. so geographically it's as big as

france, the population of spain. and it is really a titanic struggle between the east and west, between the e.u. and the u.s. versus russia. unfortunately as you look at these pictures, we could very easily be headed towards civil war. and that would be a disaster. >> what are the possible ways that this could get resolved, jill? i mean, some sort of obviously negotiations tonight seemed to end without anything being resolved. >> they could. but that seems to be the case. because they have come to the point over and over again where it seemed to be resolved by offering different positions. for instance when the prime minister stepped down, the president offered a prime ministership to the opposition. but the opposition turned it down. they don't want it. and right now you have russia in a really zero sum fight, an economic fight, offering to bail out. remember that happened in december. russia said look, we've we'll

give you $15 billion to rescue you if you will come our way, if you will join our trade union and not join the e.u. but ukraine was trying to play both sides against the middle. and as the demonstrations continued, they decided that russia pulled that money, was freezing that money. now it's giving that money back. it is saying we're going ahead with that. as i read that, anderson, it looks as if they believed that the new prime minister which could be decided this week will be a pro-russian person. so you have a total tug-of-war between east and west. >> phil, is there a sense of how much support the protesters have or the government have? does one have more than the other? >> it is difficult to say just across the country, anderson, or to speak for the country as a whole. certainly here in kiev, it's the

west of the countries, we know the mission of these protesters has the most support. we know that these are the people that see themselves as being western leading, more european. they want these values, they want that economy, they want their country to have that sort of democracy. east of the country it is culturally, ethically more russian. always has been. it is the president's power base, his heartland. so that is the crisis. that is why this is so difficult to resolve this. this is a divided country. and the next few days could determine whether or not that divide becomes greater and potentially rips the nation apart. >> phil black, be careful tonight. thank you for reporting for us there. jill dougherty as well. just ahead tonight, in the world of washington lobbyists have the closest connections of all. they're actually related to the lawmakers that their clients want to influence. we're keeping them honest tonight. too good to believe. instead of paying too much for an ipad, i got the surface 2. first of all, it comes with office and outlook.

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because we don't have shareholders. join the nation. jill dougherty as well.

if you're already a little jaded about washington, this will not help. but it's something you need to know about. all year long we'll be keeping them honest about money, influence and power in the nation's capital. we're working with a nonprofit group called the government accountability institute. tonight cnn's drew griffin takes a hard look at lobbying, not just the thousands of run of the mill lobbyists who earn a healthy living in washington. you all probably know about those. we're talking about influence lawmakers in powerful positions whose family members actually lobby congress.

here's drew's report. >> reporter: for some of the most powerful people in washington, people you vote into office, power and influence are a family affair. >> you take somebody like harry reid, for example, the majority leader in the senate. he has three sons and a son-in-law all of whom have been registered lobbyists. same thing in missouri with republican roy blount whose wife and several of his children are registered lobbyists. >> reporter: reid and blount's family lobbying ties are legendary but neither has a monopoly. according to a congressional watchdog tracking service, since 2001, 100 federally registered lobbyists related to 78 members of congress have worked on lobbying contracts worth nearly $2 billion. that's 100 congressional family members related to these 78 members of congress. and transparency campaigner peter schweitzer says every one of those family lobbyists got paid.

>> it's not just about staying in office because you like the power. it's about staying in office because it generates huge amounts of cash for your family. >> reporter: but official registered lobbying by family members is only one part of this family business, and one of the only parts you can track. nick neihard heads public campaign, a group trying to get special interest money out of politics. campaign donations, lobbying, schmoozing, that's easy to track, he says. there is something much more subtle yet larger going on in d.c. big government contractors seem to have a lot of congressional relatives on their staffs. it's just not talked about. >> it just seems like it's one big inside game. >> well, i think that's right. this town is built on that kind of inside game. >> reporter: want an example? take christie clemens rogers. four years ago she married the powerful chairman of the house intelligence committee, michigan

congressman mike rogers. up until 2012, she was also the ceo of the american branch of aegis, a defense and security contracting firm. where according to her new firm she successfully developed and led a two-year pursuit to win a five-year, $10 billion contract under the department of state's worldwide protective services program." and yes, it's an area her husband's committee has congressional oversight, making sure diplomats and their staffs are properly protected. you would think congressman mike rogers would at least disclose that family connection, or that in appearing before congress christie rogers would disclose her marital ties. but on his website, congressman rogers only states he's in fact married, no name. and christie rogers in an appearance before a presidential commission back in 2010 didn't mention the name of the man she

just married, even though she missed her first appearance due to her honeymoon. >> it was an unfortunate perfect storm. i had just come off my honeymoon. that was not the perfect storm. >> reporter: the congressman declined our interview request, and his press secretary set us straight in this e-mail, telling us this is all old news. christie rogers is not a lobbyist, she writes, and is not engaging in those activities. she has also never met with any member of congressman rogers' staff or staff members of the intelligence committee in any professional capacity on any issue". kristi rogers is now the managing director of federal government affairs and public policy from annette, phelps and phillips. she's not a registered lobbyist, she just happens to work for a firm that does extensive lobbying. on its website touts its strong relationships in congress with a solid record of success in

securing legislation and federal funding on behalf of clients. >> it's this kind of conflict of interest that leads to this deep distrust. what we are told constantly by the members is, i never talk to my spouse about this issue. i never talk to her on this business. there's a firewall between me and my sons who are lobbyists. do you buy that? >> well, whether you buy it or not, here's the question of the appearance. i'm sure there's some reality. i can't quite believe that members of congress don't care about the fortunes of their family members. >> reporter: and the fortunes go both ways. mike rogers' wife kristi becomes ceo of defense contractor, then is hired by a lobbying firm. rogers becomes chairman of the house intelligence committee, and according to the federal election commission, political donations from the d the defense industry quadruple. all legal, within the rules, all routine in the family business of washington. >> drew joins us now. drew as you said, this is all somewhat routine in washington. almost taken for granted.

but the numbers are astounding. 100 families of congressman are registered lobbyists? >> so normal inside the beltway we hear the same thing every time we go there. this is old news to them. they don't think there's anything wrong. d.c. is a family town. these family connections are very important. and the examples are everywhere you look, both parties. it's why people elected to office when they leave office they don't leave washington. >> unbelievable. drew, thanks very much. we'll continue to follow this throughout the year. olympic skier bode miller breaks down that post-race interview on nbc. you probably heard about this. when asked repeatedly about his late brother. the question is did the reporter go too far? bode miller talks to our rachel nichols next. anybody know where flo is? are you flo? yes. is this the thing you gave my husband? well, yeah, yes. the "name your price" tool. you tell us the price you want to pay, and we give you a range of options to choose from. careful, though -- that kind of power can go to your head. that explains a lot. yo, buddy! i got this.

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proud. >> when you're look up in the sky at the start we see you there. and it just looks like you're talking to somebody. what's going on there? >> cooper got criticized online for that interview. miller sticking up for her. he says had doesn't blame her for asking those questions. today miller sat down with rachel nichols host of cnn's "unguarded". take a look. >> you had a pretty emotional interview with kristen cooper. got a lot of controversy back in the states afterward. people back home felt that she pushed you too far asking about your brother. >> i felt like it was me, not her. she asked questions that i feel like with her knowledge of my brother and the situation i felt like were pretty normal questions. i mean, maybe in hindsight from other people's perspective, i think she kept pushing a little bit. but i've known kristen for a long time. i think she's really comfortable with me. i felt terrible that she was getting just massacred in the press and in social media.

but i think in the end people will sort of see thought was more me just dealing with all these emotions and the buildup of several years of very tough personal life stuff. >> you tweeted sort of to defend her. you said it's not her fault, you said it's me. >> i think it caught everybody a little bit by surprise, myself included. i didn't know my reaction was going to be that strong. and i really appreciate the support i got from social media and from people. because i think it was very authentic and people are protective and they don't like seeing somebody suffer. but invariably that's what happens. it was just -- i was suffering and it wasn't anybody's fault i don't think. >> there's a lot of people outside of skiing who don't know your brother's story. he had a motorcycle crash, how long ago was it? >> it was '06. and yeah, it was really super tough on all of us. because we didn't know if he was going to even recover or be alive or anything. it was a turning point.

after he recovered over the course of six or seven years, he had five seizures, six seizures. he didn't have a lot but they were all very critical. one on a chair lift and fell off the chair lift from like 40 feet up, one just after he'd been on the highway which would have been awful. so it's not that we knew something was ever going to happen. we all hoped thought would be fine. but it was just a really tough thing to go through. and a tough process to deal with. >> during that time as he was dealing with the seizures, he's also a great snowboarder and had hoped to join you at these olympics. what conversations did you guys have about that? >> he set his goal to come to this olympics. that was part of the reason why i was staying with it and coming back to continue to race so we would be here together. and hopefully win together. >> and when he did have the seizures and died from that, did that make you rethink coming to these olympics? >> it it didn't change my feelings about the olympics at all.

it just was an emotional moment that kind of like -- emotions i think just live inside of you no matter. what but when you have that kind of -- it's just a -- you can feel like a ball of energy in there. i didn't really intentionally do it. but it certainly came out in that super g. to look back on it now, it probably made the difference for me between getting a medal and not. but the real part of it hits afterwards when you deal with the consequences of really living those emotions. it was really pretty raw and pretty painful. >> if you do think that thinking of him and that experience is what pushed you over the edge in the super g, is there a nice part of that he helped you do that? >> yes. and if you lose a family member, a loved one, i don't think there's anything more sort of to honor their memory than to use that memory and the love for them to do something that maybe you couldn't do otherwise. and that felt great, but it also was painful. >> bode miller talking to our rachel nichols. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] this is the cat that drank the milk... [ meows ]

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that's it for us. thanks for watching. erin burnett "outfront" starts now. next, breaking news. violence spiraling out of control in kiev tonight. americans warned to stay indoors. the death toll rising tonight. we'll go there live. plus, show me the money. chris christie cancels a town hall today but has time for a fund-raiser. and mike rowe on his controversial walmart ad. why the champion for the working man is proud to be a sellout. let's go outfront".