this is "cnn tonight." i'm don lemon. every time someone is charged with a shock crime, it seems you hear the same thing -- he was such a nice guy. we had no idea. but what happens when secret lives unravel? a 51-year-old father of five, a respected executive at google dice on his yacht. and prosecutors say this 26-year-old woman he met on a sugar daddy dating site allegedly shot him up with heroin, coldly stepping over his body as she left. and of course there is justin ross harris, charged with murder after leaving his toddler son in a hot car. prosecutors say he was sexting with six women while his son was dying. is technology making it easier

for us to have secret lives? secret lives that can go horribly wrong. we're going to take a look at the dangers of sex, lies, and technology. plus, a hero teen who survived a massacre that killed her whole family. now the woman who survived her own unspeakable family tragedy is reaching out to help. and as always, we want to know what you think about all of this. make sure you tweet us using the #askdon. but first, here is my take on secret lives. the details are often salacious, especially when they involve prostitution, drugs, death. you may be surprised that cnn is giving this story so much attention. but it speaks to who we are as a country now, the incredible wealth of silicon valley, rivaling that and exceeding that of wall street with a similarly larger than lifestyle. and it speaks to the staggering explosion of heroin use in america. so can you ever really know someone? even those closest to you?

here is a test for you. would you allow the person with whom you're in a relationship to go through your cell phone texts, your photos or your e-mail? as you're pondering that, stay tuned. you'll want to watch this show. let's get to the case, that google executive found dead of a heroin overdose on his yacht. alex tichelman, the young woman he met on a sugar daddy dating site pleaded not guilty today. kyung lah is live with more. kyung? >> don, what we heard today in court, it was quite brief. as you mentioned, she plead not guilty. she did ask the judge to release her on her own recognizance. that was denied, also for bail to be lowered. it is currently at 1.5 million. that request was denied. we also heard her defense attorney speaking with the press. and they painted a different picture. we have heard all the details about what she is. she was a prostitute, that she is addicted to heroin.

that's the tale that is coming from the police. what her defense attorneys are trying to say is yes, she is a heroin addict. but what is at play here and really what happened aboard this yacht was drug use gone awry. don? >> kyung, let's talk more about that video evidence that they supposedly have. we heard more today from the video that is on board that yacht. what do we know than? >> we actually are getting two tales of the same video. we haven't seen this video. we don't know exactly what is on the video ourselves. we are only hearing this through the police and through her defense attorneys. today we heard the defense attorneys lay out what they think is on that surveillance tape. this is tape that was on the yacht. it was recording as she was injecting forrest hayes, the 51-year-old google exec with heroin. the defense attorneys say you can see it.

you can see mr. hayes take his cell phone, use the light of his cell phone to show her where she could find a vein. she injects the heroin into his arm. he becomes lethargic and then he falls asleep. she gathers her things and leaves. the police department has a very different tale of the exact same tape. they say when he became lethargic, he actually started to suffer. he falls to the ground, and then she stepped over his body not just once, but multiple times. she finished drinking her red wine as he was dying at her feet. they're estimating it was about seven minutes. and she wiped off her glass, gathered her things, drew the blinds, and then left. so two very different takes of the same videotape. don? >> kyung lah, thank you so much for your reporting. you know the death of forest hayes is shining a light on the sugar daddies. especially with leading arrangements where over three

million members fuel mutually beneficial relationships on their terms. joining me is the spokesperson for seek arrangement.com. we're glad you're joining us to get more information on this, angela. as we heard from kyung, alex tichelman and forrest hayes met on your site. what is your reaction to this case? >> well, both the parties that are involved in this case did in fact meet through the site that is pretty much the length of the involvement that seeking arrangement has to this case. >> seeking arrangement bills itself as a site, quote, where beautiful, successful people fuel mutual beneficial relationships. do you still stand by that? how was this mutually beneficial relationship for mr. hayes? >> of course we stand by that 100%. i would say this is an outlier in terms of -- in terms of things happening on the site. we regularly police seeking arrangement. we vet profiles to make sure that those who use our site are

not in violation of our terms of use, which specifically state that you cannot solicit any service in exchange for sex. and, you know, fact of the matter is seeking arrangement is to women or sugar babies as silicon valley was to startups and techies back in the day. it stands has a beacon of hope for women that says no matter what background you come from, you know, you can attain the same success that these men have achieved through wealthy ben factors as well as life guidance from these men. and on the opposite side, of course, these men are able to find their ideal relationships in exchange for the financial assistance that they provide for these women. >> what it sounds to me like, it sounds like you're talking about prostitution. >> it is not. seeking arrangement is in no way or form prostitution. prostitution is a transactional relationship. and i use the term "relationship" loosely.

it's a transaction that exchanges sex or sexual favors for money. sex is never a part of the arrangement. >> but for money, you're talking about what is beneficial to these women, and that's wealthy men. what they get out of it is a relationship of some sort. many people might see that as prostitution. >> absolutely not. just like in relationships you don't join a relationship and expect sex. that's not how it goes. and we certainly don't allow any arrangements to specify sex as part of the agreement between two individuals. if we find any evidence of that on the site the members are immediately suspended and booted off the site. >> police are referring to alex tichelman as a prostitute, though. so how was she allowed on your site if you say this is not a site for prostitution? >> well, the fact is alex tichelman we went through her profile and we actually did a background image search, which we do to all members to make sure they're not on any escort organize prostitutional website

or anything that might promote that. and the fact is her profile didn't raise any red flags, nor was there anything within the contents of her profile that she was using the site for these purposes. it's unfortunate that these are the activities she chose to do off the site. but we stand by the fact that we do vet our profiles and do the image searches to make sure that we don't have people like that using the site. >> you said you vet the profiles. but is there a background check? and is there a strict background check? what is this vetting? >> well, i'm glad that you actually pointed this out. we're one of the only websites, let alone dating websites that offer background verification on the site. as for the regular vetting that we do on the site, we do check the language to make sure that it doesn't match what we have deemed similar to those that are on escort websites or any websites that promote prostitution. >> so it is easier than ever now for married people to conduct affairs online. you have to admit that. the question is does your site

have any idea whether its users or married or single, or do you even care? >> absolutely, we do care. about one-third of our members are married. however, more than half of those that do use the site as married individuals have an open relationship where their partner is aware that they have a sugar baby. >> what about the other half? >> i beg your pardon? >> you said half of them are aware that they have a sugar baby. what about the other half? they're not aware? >> i would say -- i would say the other -- the other half do have affairs that are unbeknownst to their partner. >> thank you very much, angela jacob bermuda. from seeking arrangements.com. when we come right back, my legal experts weigh in on the case against alix tichelman. security video as well. does it tell the whole story of what really happened on that yacht that night? also, technology has made it easier than ever for americans to have secret lives. do secret lives, though, lead to crime? and the teen who survived the massacre that killed her family.

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welcome back. the case of that google executive who died on his yacht after his date injected him with heroin has all the elements of a tabloid shocker. now joe johns digs deeper into our story of sex, lies and technology. >> reporter: a married google

executive, father of five. by all accounts a great dad, meets a young woman on a website called seekingarrangement.com, a liaison on a yacht, an overdose of heroin, and the executive ends up dead. a father of a 22-month-old boy allegedly messages six women, sending and receiving explicit texts, including nude images while his son is dying in a hot car. what is going on? has technology made having an affair, living a secret life too tempting for some to resist? jessica carbono of ucla is an online dating expert. >> the online component of an anonymous interaction with individuals with whom you may never have any contact, who you don't have to give your real name, address, any information that can theoretically be used against you when you're in the process of having the affair is definitely appealing to an individual looking to engage in that type of lifestyle. >> reporter: secret life hookup culture among those already in a

relationship used to be mostly on the down low in america, not exactly advertised. but it is steadily creeping over to mainstream. inevitable with the rise of social media, even some sites that promote the relationship category now known as married but dating. to see the reach of online infidelity, look no further than this chris brown video titled "loyal." with 97 million views on youtube, a young woman receiving a message from the now famous ashleymadison have an affair website. the explosion in mobile communications an estimated 208 million cell phones in america means both genders and all sexual persuasions and virtually all ages can communicate quietly and secretly any time, anywhere. there are countless options for married people looking for love in all the wrong places. the personal section of craigslist, adult friend finder and countless forums and blogs that cater from everything from

old-fashioned cheating to swinging, conduct holding and even polyaomori. will is even yo and one called secret that needs no explanation. the biggest concern, that children can be lured to content that is intended for adults. >> the more you have, the more dang your may have to deal with. and i think that as parents, they need to be responsible about what their children are downloading. >> that was cnn's joe johns reporting. that google executive that is getting a whole lot of attention. but is this case as cut and dried as some people might think? joining me now is noel bittermann, a ceo of ashley madison.com. and defense attorney janie weintraub and mark o'meara and attorney lisa bloom. that story got me all flustered there. i wish i had given a warning, guys. janie, to you first. let's talk about these court documents and what they said, because they shed more light on what may have happened on that

yacht. and i want to read part of what we learned, okay. it says the man calmly watched a woman inject herself with an unknown substance, directing the woman to similarly inject him in the arm with the same substance. the man calmly watched as the woman kneeled between his legislation and examined his veins. the man rubbed and hit his inner elbow in an attempt to help the woman locate a vein. the man shined the light from a cell phone on to his inner elbow to assist her there is more. the man was injected. so if a camera on the boat shows forrest hayes assisting in the fatal injection, how can the prosecution prove manslaughter? >> well, what they're going to do is they're going to try and prove that she gave him an overdose, and that it was a negligent homicide. it's an unlawful killing because whether he is a willing participant or not doesn't excuse the fact that he died of the overdose. if it's a bad drug, maybe there

was something in the heroin. in this case, though, she injected herself as well. so i think so it's going to be tough for the prosecutors. and remember, we only have one small snippet of a camera. we have no audio on any of this. >> mark, do i hear, were you muttering there criminally? what were you saying? >> no, no, the concern is as jayne was just saying, it's going to be particularly different. but when you have an underlying criminal act, the fact that he participated voluntarily doesn't excuse her behavior. she probably is going to be held responsible for the reckless act of injecting somebody with heroin which is an illegal drug. >> i want you to listen to what a defense attorney said in a press conference today. >> there was no intent to harm or injure much less kill mr. hayes. why would she? he was a lucrative source of mcto her. she appreciated his generosity, and she had a motive, if any, to elongate, not end the relationship.

>> mark, what about motive? is it going to be hard to prove here? >> in one sense, yes. but you don't have to have motive for a negligent act. so the negligent homicide acting recklessly, you don't need motive for. my concern with that statement today is i think any defense attorney needs to be very careful laying out their defense day two, because we don't know what else is going to come out. there are these other potential deaths she may have been involved in. her ex-boyfriend may have killed somebody with a heroin overdose. i think the defense attorney needs to be very, very careful coming out and saying here is what we have. it's the one right the defendant has is to not say anything until all the facts are out. this is not the time to present a defense. >> before i get to my other panelists, i want to go back to jaynie. prostitution, escort dating websites. aren't these sugar baby a websites just a front for prostitution? i asked my earlier guest that? >> i don't think so, and i don't

think we can regulate them as such morally, because then you're going to have prohibition on any adult activity. look, i don't condone that behavior, and i'm not visiting that website, but i don't want it to be illegal to have a website to meet people. because when you start going too close as big brother, then we're going to have a bigger problem. james madison didn't envision any of this when they were writing the constitution. we're on new territory with the internet. >> noel, i want to ask you this. this man and women met on an online relationship site as a ceo of another online relationship site, are you concerned at all that there could be people using your site to engage in illegal activities like prostitution and drug use? >> well, listen -- >> well, of course that would be the concern. >> that's for noel. >> i just think what you can do, you can extrapolate a whole bunch of things interest this. you can talk about drug use, heroin use. does google have a big problem

here? executives are using drugs. anybody operating an online dating service wants a great outcome for their membership. this is clearly not a great outcome. you as a ceo have a job to do. you to police your policies. you to make sure that the membership knows what is expected of them. and can you get it right every time? apparently not. but i don't think you look at inanimate objects here. this clearly between two human beings who made a bunch of bad decisions. >> please. >> lisa, lisa. >> oh, please, what does that mean? that's not very intelligent. what does oh please men? >> i'm going expand. >> she is going to get to it. go ahead, lisa. >> listen, you set up a website so that married people can cheat on their spouses. you shouldn't be surprised if people use it for morally repugnant end. give me a break circumstances that a criminal act? >> no. but how can you look at yourself in the mirror every day either? >> lisa, go ahead. >> it's my turn now. >> is bill clinton -- is bill

clinton -- >> noel, hang on, stop, lisa. hang on, stop. cross-talk is really so disrespectful of the audience. so please, one at a time. i appreciate your passion. but will you listen to me. let lisa speak, and noel, you will get your turn. go ahead, lisa. >> thank you. cnn is set up for news. we turn it on to get news. if people want to cheat on their husband or wife, they can go on ashleymadison.com. don't pretend like it's morally neutral. of course it shouldn't be illegal. but i don't know how you look at yourself in the mirror every day. >> go ahead, noel. >> i guess because i'm not an attorney, it's easy to look myself in the mirror. the bottom line is people have a right to pursue what they want in their own bedrooms. you might have a problem with people in interracial marriages. you might have a problem with people in the same sex. >> what? >> that's your own bigotry. that's your own choice. >> how does interracial marriage come into this? >> neither of those things is illegal. >> there is nothing illegal about having an affair. that's my point there is nothing illegal about having an affair.

>> we all agree with that. >> we're talking about -- >> why are you judging me? no, your guests are judging me. >> that involve prostitution, noel. >> your guest -- no. what does that have to do -- >> yes, i am judging him. >> what does that have to do with prostitution? >> infidelity is lying to the most important person this your life, potentially bringing disease into a relationship, breaking up families. most of the world sees it as morally repugnant. >> no, that isn't true at all. but that's your perspective, and you're entitled to it. >> oh, okay. >> and the internet has changed the playing field. the internet has changed the playing field for women. men have always been unfaithful. and yes, with escorts, has all of the sudden gone on. but now women too are using the anonymitity the internet provides to start to level the playing field. well don't paint them with scarlet letters or take away their children in custody hearings if they're unfaithful. it turns out when you remove those inhibitions, women have affairs too.

that might shock your guests. but she is not that educated on the topic of infidelity. >> i know you guys are raring to go. lisa, you're raring to go. just stand by because we're going to talk more after the break. everybody, please stay with me. next, this isn't the first case of a secret life turning deadly. i want to talk more than when we come back. the cadillac summer collection is here. ♪ ♪ during the cadillac summer's best event, lease this all new 2014 cts for around $459 a month or purchase with 0% apr and make this the summer of style. guy: woman: but, but, jimmy. the one you want. all of these travel sites seem the same. captain obvious: i always use hotels.com. with their loyalty program, i get a free night for every ten nights i collect. so they're not the same, because they're different. woman: jimmy look, this one has a king-sized bed.

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welcome back, everyone. silicon valley is home to fast brains, fast money, and fast crowds. prosecutors say google executive forrest hayes, his secret life turned fatal. but northern california is not the only place people are living double lives. i'm back now with noel biderman, jayne weintraub, mark o'mara and lisa bloom. is it easier to live double lives? >> without question. the anonymity makes it much easier to distance yourself from your own morality. that's what happens because it's easier to be somebody you want to be but mow you shouldn't be. by the time a child is 18 years

of age they have killed over a thousand people in online games. there is that type of disconnect. when you have a place like ashley madison, you can make-believe it is just consenting adults, and it is. i'm well in favor of the bill of rights and freedom of speech and freedom of assembly. but to suggest that that is not attacking and degrading the moral fiber of our nation just ignores what you're doing. at least own up to the fact that that is what it's there for. you certainly haven't come up with a website to future month nothing any be honest about it. >> jaynie, do you think more people are leading double lives? >> and i agree with mark, obviously. and it's easier access and less accountability. but that's our day-to-day life as well, isn't it is in the problem here is with the internet comes all more access more information. it comes down to its power. and with all power, we have to have responsibility and consequences. and it's like we have to teach

our kids or drill it into them. you know, there is no such thing as privacy anymore. i don't care what delete says. there is no delete. once it's out there, it's out there. we have to have consequences. and realize that. >> lisa, why do you -- listen, i took moat to what mark said. mark said the perceived anonymity. why do you think we have people go online and risk so much to have an affair? and as noel was saying, listen, it's not illegal. people are wanting to do it. they're consenting. but still, there is a huge risk here especially if you're look at the story that we're profiling tonight. >> look, some people are just sleazebags, and they're always going to be. and they're going to find whatever they want to find online. i have a little different perspective respectfully from jayne and mark. i run a civil rights firm. my best evidence is an electronic evidence, video, audiotape, text the, e-mails, in a sexual harassment case, what the boss sent by e-mail to his

secretary is exhibit a for me in my case. it's fantastic. i'm in race discrimination case all day today. we have a videotape of a brutal beating of my client. i think it's exactly the opposite. i think there is less anonymity. everybody is pulling out a video camera. everybody is audio recording. everybody is saving the text and e-mails. and good for them, because it helps them get justice. >> listen, noel, you have heard people here talking about the morality of it, right? and here is what your website says. the world's leading married and dating service. it says life is short. have an affair. how do you defend this? do you ever think about the families that you are possibly breaking up? >> well, there is two points there. what was the light bulb moment? the reason it was created is so many people were going on to singles dating sites that weren't truly single. it was tempting to create a profile that had nothing to do with reality. you could pretend to be the tall, dark handsome architect if that's what somebody else was looking for. you were roping in an unexpecting individual into an affair.

so ashley madison became that steam valve and a very successful one. no tag line is going to convince anyone to have an affair. these are not anomalous people. these are your friends and neighbors. this is sitting presidents have had affairs. the director of the cia, your favorite athletes that you adore, entertainers. this seeley everybody. the majority of people tend to struggle with monogamy. so we as a society, why are we so bad at being monogamous? >> mark, we talked about this parents, right? parents should hold their kids responsible, or should parents be responsible for their kids bully i don't think line. you said social media has reached the wild wild west phase. in all of the cases you're talking about, is it ever really possible, especially for the owners of these websites to monitor their clients and to monitor a person's interaction online? >> well, they intentionally tell you that they're not going to monitor it. they can't. if ashley madison or any of the other ones suggest they're going to monitor it, they would be out

of business, because they can't do it. understand what they're doing. they're the portal for people to do something wrong. and i say wrong in the moral sense. they're going to do whatever they are going to do. but the way we look at the whole social media part of it, and i agree with lisa. that's why i say perceived anonymity. on the other side of that same coin, everything we think, do and say online is captured, and it's going to be used as evidence against us. whether it's this case, a cyberbullying case, or any other case where somebody from ashley madison gets into an event and hurts somebody, or gets hurt because of their hookup through that website. >> it's not at all accurate that is not an accurate portrayal. you can, if you've been doing this for a decade, build algorithms for detection and hire hundreds of staff to make sure those profiles are legitimate. you are mistaken, sir. you actually don't know what you're talking about. >> i would love to be wrong, sir. >> you would be blown away. you would be blown away. you are wrong. >> i would like to be -- >> let mark finish. go ahead, mark.

>> i would like to think that what you're actually doing is only letting people on your website who have advised their family that they're going to go have an affair. if what you're doing -- >> well, now you're getting into a whole bunch of nonsense. >> exactly. >> noel? please, let him finish. >> sir -- >> yes, it is a point to let him finish. noel, let him finish. please. noel, can you please be respectful and let him finish. >> listen to this nonsense. >> can we cut him off? thank you very much. can we cut his mic off. go ahead, mark. finish what you were saying. >> noel, all i'm suggesting is i don't feing with an immoral website. i'm not saying that from some fundamentalist, religious perspective. what you do is you set out a portal so people who want to cheat on their spouses do so in a way that most people would, as lisa say, would consider amoral. now obviously what you do

because you have to or you would be shut down, you do make sure that they're not active prostitutes on it. but we know you missed at least one in this case. and i bet if the hundred people that you had on your website were actually 200, you would probably catch a lot more. the reality is you have to have a blind eye or you would never make the money you make. >> yeah. >> i understand that is free enterprise. but don't make-believe you're acting in a moral way. that's all i'm suggesting. >> hear, hear. >> thank you, everybody. we let everybody have a voice but you cannot be disrespectful to the other guests and to the guests of the other show and to the viewer by having cross talk. thank you all. lisa, lisa, i want you to come back in again. noel, thank you for joining me. we're going to be back with lisa for another segment. coming up, a texas teenager survived a massacre of her entire family in front of her very eyes. we'll talk to a young woman who survived another tragedy. her advice for young cassidy stay. stay with us. defiance is in our bones.

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welcome back, everyone. today was the funeral for the six members of the stay family in texas, shot to death in a brutal attack. only 15-year-old cassidy stay

survived. her bravery touched the hearts of people all across america. cnn's ted rowlands has more. >> reporter: 15-year-old cassidy stay, the lone survivor is getting words of comfort and support from madonna badger. who like cassidy lost her entire family. badger's three daughters and parents all died in an a 2011 christmas morning house fire in stamford, connecticut. while she survived the fire for years, she says she wished she died along with her family. >> i prayed for that. and i screamed at god, you know, forever. why didn't i die too, you know. yeah, that was -- i really wanted to die too. >> reporter: in an open letter to cassidy, badger writes that love is what saved her, the love of my children and my parents that is still in my heart, and

the love of friends and doctors and perfect strangers, accepting the love all around me has help mid forever broken heart. try to let the love all around you in, and little by little you will feel a tiny bit better. >> i know that my mom, dad, brian, emily, becca, and zack are in a much better place, and that i'll be able to see them again one day. >> cassidy stay. [ applause ] >> cassidy made an unexpected appearance at a memorial for her family, and seemed to be incredibly strong. >> i really like harry potter. in "the prisoner of sdkaban", happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light. >> she is only 15. she'll process it as a 15-year-old. she'll process it as her brain continues to develop and she continues to experience life, as

a 20-year-old, a 25-year-old, throughout these different places in life. >> reporter: badger's letter to cassidy, itself part of her own healing process makes it clear that the pain will never completely go away. "my sadness is still so deep, but it has changed. i accept it more now." >> stay strong. >> reporter: ted rowlands, cnn. >> an incredible young lady. joining me now is missy jenkins smith. she was only 15 when a school shooting killed three of her classmates and left her paralyzed from the face down. she has a message of hope. she wrote about it in a message of book, "i choose to be happy." you were the victim of gun violence at high school. it's been 16 years. do you think back to that day often? >> yes, yes. and i would like to apologize, first. i'm sick. i'm starting to get hoarse voice.

so hopefully you can understand me. definitely this is something that affected me when i was 15 years old. and she has a lot of recovery and a long road to go. but she sounds like she's got a positive attitude. >> you mentioned that you were 15. she is 16, around the same age you were shot. what does cassidy need most now, do you think? >> she definitely needs a lot of support. that is exactly what helped me get through this whole thing is the support of my friends, of everyone around the world. i really received 600 letters and 45 packages a day from people all over the world just supporting me. in any way possible. so she needs that support. so anybody from anywhere, i had people all over the world supporting me. >> madonna badger faced an awful tragedy as well. you've seen the letter from madonna badger to cassidy stay. it's a message of love and strength. does that resonate with you?

>> oh, definitely, definitely. every person that wrote to me, from all over the world were telling me that they're praying for me, that they were thinking about me. and that is definitely what kept me going. and i really think what has brought me here today to be more positive, to write the book, "i choose to be happy" because it is a choice you make. i know it is definitely something that cassidy is going to have to do. she is going to have to make a choice on whether to be angry and mad what happened or change the situation. just admit that she could look for a positive thing and help others that might be suffering through this. and kind of put, you know, kind of use it for good. make sure that it doesn't always have to be negative. if we let the negative shine through, we're just letting that control us. and that's exactly what i felt i wanted to live. i had a second chance out of life. i wanted to turn that tragedy into something positive. and she can do the same. but you just kind involve to make that choice. but with the support of friends

and the family that she has, she can do that. >> i think it's amazing that you forgive the boy who shot you almost immediately. you visited him in the hospital. and of course your book i choose to be happy, we're going to talk much more. stay with me, missy. when we come right back, more messages of hope for people who have experienced tragedy.

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welcome back, everyone. we are talking about texas teen cassidy stay who survived the massacre of her family, and the help that she'll need to put her life back together. joining me now is psychologist ken destruct, the author of "the real rules of life" and the founder of the jenna destruct center, named in honor of his daughter who was killed in a bus crash in india. back with me is missy jenkins smith and lisa bloom. you lost your daughter in a tragic bus accident when she was traveling in india. both madonna badger and cassidy stay lost their entire families. how do you even begin to help someone whose loss is so profound? where do you start? >> yeah, there is no way of possibly for any of us to possibly understand the magnitude of that kind of a loss. basically, you're family and

your life as you knew it is obliterated, and you're starting from scratch. so it's admiral that they can even get to the next breath. and to see a young woman standing up on behalf of her family, and to see another family, another person whose whole family was lost paying it forward and giving her core advice is extremely admiral. but we have to be really careful. when we start using words like negative and when we start telling people they have to be positive, we're skipping over one of the most important elements of grieving, and that is the choiceless phase that we go through where we may be in shock, but the shock is going to wear off and reality is going to set in. >> but i wonder at her age, though, as a teenager, how much do you think she understands of what is going on? >> well, you know what? she is getting -- she's surrounded by support. she's obviously still in shock.

and we do remarkable things in shock. i gave my daughter's eulogy. ask me if i could do that today. i probably couldn't. we do amazing things and we're surrounded by enormous support. the important thing is sustainable support so that when the reality begins to set in, and it begins to hit her as to what has happened and all the choices she has about where to go from here, that there is just as much, if not more support around her. and that's the key. >> lisa, you work for, you know, many victims of violent crime. what advice do you give to your clients to help them recover from situations like this? >> well -- >> this is for lisa. >> okay. >> you have to have a very powerful support system around you, be it family members, friends, groups of other like people. you know, that's for the therapist. that's for the counselors. i'm the lawyer. but i'll tell you. i get so much more from my clients than they get from me. i represent a 12-year-old girl who was sexual abused, is brave enough to come forward. she doesn't want to hide her face.

she doesn't mind saying her name. she says why should i be ashamed. let him hide his head in shame. these the people who are inspirational to me, people who suffer from a terrible tragedy and keep going, keep going forward, often have so much profound wisdom to offer the rest of us and make the rest of us feel like why are we complaining about silly little trivial things in our life when people can go forward after these terrible crises and be so inspirational to the rest of us. >> missy, i want you to listen. i want everyone to listen to what cassidy's grandfather said at the memorial for his murdered family member. >> difficult to imagine how we will ever move on. the best way we think is to concentrate on the living, to cling to the hope of a life that has emerged in this terrible darkness, to all the lives that were spared, including our own. >> missy, he says concentrate on the living. we saw cassidy speak at the memorial service. she was very courageous. what lies ahead for her?

>> well, i definitely think that she needs to make sure that she talks to anyone about this. i really feel like ever since this happened to me, to talk to other people, to share what i experienced is has helped me go through this and good to get through this. and i also kind of have made it my mission to help prevent what happened to me from happening to anyone else. and so if, you know, you look for a positive mission in what you can in the situation that was created. and it's almost -- it's been 16 years. and i really feel like that's what helped me get through this, the support, and just making it my mission to do that. because i really truly believe that it's part of my purpose. that's what helps keep me going, if i can put a positive thing on it. >> missy, can f you can answer this quickly, i asked ken earlier how much might she understand at this age. how much did you understand at

that age? >> at that age, i did. it was something that i never thought would happen to me. you know, at 15, 16, you kind of watch and think oh, it happens to other people. you think that you're invincible. but once it happened to me, i kind of then had to grow up faster. i saw some things i never thought i would see in my life. it was a bit difficult to understand some of the things that i was learning. but i think i did have to grow up faster than most 15, 16-year-olds. >> missy jenkins, ken destruct and lisa bloom, thank you very much. appreciate you joining us on cnn. >> thank you. >> we'll be right back. but first here is your '60s minute. >> three, two, one, zero. we have liftoff. ♪ there is something happening here ♪ ♪ but what it is ain't exactly clear ♪ >> the space race was about our own sense of security. >> we didn't know whether a human could survive in space. and the soviets send this guy to

space and he survived. >> we were in a race, and the russians were the bad guys. and they were winning this race. >> i would say for most of the '60s, we had a sense of being behind. >> i believe that this nation should commit itself to land manning on the moon and returning him safely to the earth. ♪ stop, what's that sound >> the eagle has landed. >> it was a moment when the whole world kind of stopped in their tracks. >> all of human experience will be divided into two eras, before man walked on the moon and after man walked on the moon. >> "the sixties" tomorrow night on cnn. event is here. now get the unmistakable thrill... and the incredible rush... of the mercedes-benz you've always wanted. ♪ [ tires screech ] but you better get here fast... [ daughter ] yay, daddy's here! here you go, honey. thank you. [ male announcer ] ...because a good thing like this... phew! [ male announcer ] ...won't last forever. see your authorized dealer for an incredible offer on the exhilarating c250 sport sedan.

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this is cnn tonight tomorrow, the stories you'll be talking about tomorrow. first up, israel and hamas have agreed to a temporary ceasefire for five hours tomorrow to address humanitarian needs. this follows the deaths today of four palestinian boys killed by an exploding israeli shell. the ongoing violence has killed one israeli and more than 200 palestinians. and meanwhile, president obama today expanded economic sanctions imposed on russia, adding russian banks, energy, and defense companies to the list of targets. he is calling on russia to stop supporting ukrainian separatists with weapons and manpower. and it's the coast guard to the rescue. 118 passengers and crew aboard the casino boat escapade were transferred off the ship when it

ran aground off tybee island, georgia. there are no reports of injuries. that's it for me tonight. thank you so much for joining us. i'll see you back here next week on cnn. "ac 360" starts right now. good night. hey, good evening. thanks for joining us. there is breaking news tonight. a very brief pause in the israeli bombardment of gaza. and now hamas is saying it will stop firing as well. not soon enough, though, for a group of boys killed by naval gunfire in gaza, or for an israeli man killed from a rocket strike. a look beyond the temporary ceasefire, when and whether the two sides can agree on a longer truth. later, the alleged call girl with a stable of men, who are who now dead. instead, the arrival on our southern border of tens of thousands of undocumented immigrant children is being met with overheated rhetoric and paranoid