up three or four days before they are pitching tents on the hotel grass. the hotel says we can't handle this. it's going to destroy the hotel. we have move it to the convention center. we have 15,000 people. the biggest one ever. bigger than bernie sanders. bigger than -- 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. bigger than everybody. and everybody knows it. a beautiful day with incredible a beautiful day. john mccain goes oh, boy, trump makes my life difficult. he called them all crazy. i said they weren't crazy. they were great americans. if you would have seen these people -- i know what crazy is. i know all about crazies. these weren't crazy. so he insulted everybody in that room. so i said somebody should run against john mccain who has been in my opinion not so hot. and i supported him for president. i raised $1 million for him.

he lost, he let us down. you know he lost. i never liked him as much after that. because i don't like losers but frankly, let me get to him. he's not a war hero. >> he's a war hero! >> he's a war hero because he was captured. i like people who weren't captured okay? i hate to tell you. he's a war hero because he was captured okay? and i believe, perhaps he's a war hero but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people. >> senator mccain says mr. trump owes service members and vets an apology, particularly those who have been p.o.w.s lindsey graham called him a jackass. mr. trump said it is mccain who has not done right. joining us ryan i know

everyone talks about how donald trump is playing by his open rules, he's not beholden to some establishment playbook. but aren't there third rails in politics and one of them maybe, isn't it questioning the heroism of a guy like john mccain in. >> yeah without a doubt that is the issue that prompted all his republican rivals to kind of finally step forward and condemn him. i think it's fair to ask that why -- >> except for cruz i should say. >> cruz's strategy seems to be, he want to be trump voters' second choice when trump inevitably flames out. who knows if that will happen. cruz praised mccain, but he did not condemn trump. that is how he sliced this. but going after john -- i come after this interview in john mccain's office, and one of the things he did after the interview is he gave me a little tour showed me the picture of

when he was shot down out of the sky in the vietnamese were bringing him out of the lake and to the rifle butt. showed me the tell gram that confirmed that mccain had actually refused to go home from his vietnamese prison ahead of other prisoners, because he thought it would be a propaganda victory. his credentials as a war hero are just unimpeachable. and that is the line that trump crossed that completely unsettled the republican establishment. i think it's fair to ask, though why didn't something happen about the comments about latin-american immigrants. i think it's surprising that it took this comment on veterans than that initial comment. >> you're talking about illegal immigrants. the des moines register is

calling for trump to drop out. also trump was on bill o'reilly tonight, and bill asked him what would he say directly to mccain. how did he respond? >> you know trump didn't apologize. he was given an opportunity to go as o'reilly put it man-to-man, talk to senator mccain what would you say. and he sort of said something about whether if there was a misunderstanding maybe and went on and on. but then went back to his point about how john mccain had insulted all of his supports so if anybody was expecting a direct apology from donald trump to john mccain? they didn't get it. and i think in response to the des moines register tonight, you know why trump is number two in iowa so far, and i think what trump will probably say is that's the media talking to itself right? it's an editorial that doesn't matter, and he'll, you know he'll push ahead as the protest

candidate that he is and in a way that could actually fuel him. >> it is interesting. his refusal to apologize for virtually anything i mean it would be interesting to look back and see if he actually has ever apologized for something or said he made a mistake, because, you know that is something, and it's something rush limbaugh actually kind of talked about today and praised today, saying that's how many candidates would, they immediately default to saying, well i misspoke. that is just not donald trump. >> it's not. and look, we're at that stage in the primary season where there's not a real high cost to a voter telling a pollster, yeah i'm with donald trump. i would support him. we're early in the process, and after six years of obama, they're in a fighting mood. they want someone who is very anti-obama is talking about immigration in a way that the republican establishment has

advised its candidates not to talk about. so i think you're getting at is right, anderson the fact that he doesn't apologize, the fact that he doesn't back down, even when the entire media establishment and political establishment argues he's wrong, it makes him stronger. >> you know the word you're using, establishment, is the key here because i don't think you can understint the appeal of an anti-washington, anti-politician, anti-establishment candidate right now. and it's a very big field, and donald trump stands out in that regard. >> can i -- >> go ahead. >> i was going to throw out one theory here. when i went to interview mccain, it was to talk to him about foreign policy. he started the conversation with the remark about trump firing up the crazies, and mccain's been around a while. he atees's a pretty smart guy. i think he knew what he weighs doing here. i think he knew the response he

would get. >> thank you. perspective now from matt miller chief policy officer for iraq and veterans of america. when you first heard donald trump's comments about john mb cain i'm wondering what you thought, what went truhrough your mind? >> well the old adage, better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder than opening your mouth and leaving no doubt. for my knowledge of john mccain, there's nothing further than the truth. >> there's some photographs of you actually with senator mccain. you helped koord his visits to iraq and afghanistan when you were deployed overseas. trump, one of the things he was credited with saying is that mccain, and i quote, has not done enough for veterans in this country, and then trump talked

about himself, i see the veterans i'm with the veterans all the time. does that ring true to you in any way? >> mr. trump's business is about a mile and a half from headquarters in new york city we are the only veterans headquarters in new york city and we have not heard from donald trump. >> as far as senator mccain's efforts for veterans go for him to say that he hasn't done enough for veterans is that in your opinion true at all? >> well that doesn't ring true at all, anderson. i can tell you that the clay hunt save act passed congress and was signed by the president. john mccain was an integral part in that and that may be the only piece of veterans legislation to get signed by the president into law this year. >> he donated money to build a veterans memorial in new york. he helped put on a veterans parade. does that say much to you?

>> well appreciate that appreciate his philanthropic efforts, but he's running for president of the united states and he needs to talk about veterans as do all the candidates involved. >> when donald trump says that john mccain hasn't focussed on veterans enough hasn't done enough is that categoryically false? >> i would say that he has been an advocate for veterans i've seen first hand experience of john mccain out with the troops wanting nothing but the best for them so i would say that john mccain has lived his life again, of service above self and in that regard he shouldn't take a back seat to anybody. >> matt miller appreciate you being on thank you. >> thank you. there's a lot more ahead, including a cnn exclusive on what turned a troubled young man into the chattanooga killer.

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it's now a ride. fast and furious. supercharged. ride it at universal studios hollywood. well as the families of the service members murdered last week in chattanooga, tennessee come to grips with their loss a picture of the killer is coming into sharper focus. it could provide insight into how men and women become mass as many as kellers.

i spoke to squire wells' mother. it was the first time he took her and made all the reservations on a trip. there is so much pain right now. it's precisely because their lives matter that investigators want and need to know more about this kelleriller's life leading up to what he did. did he have contacts with any international group, was he self-radicalized? more on that. >> reporter: james petty, considered abdulazeez' mentor they slept over at his home. he never once saw abdulazeez angry, and the only conversations they had about radical islam was to oppose it. >> like isis mainly any terror groups kind of like isis. >> reporter: what did he say?

>> that it was astupid group and completely against islam, and not to even think about going towards them. and i felt like it wasn't kind of in a sense of i'm with their group so i don't want you to do like me, it was like stay away, this is not where you should be going towards. >> reporter: you felt that he truly believed in his heart at that moment that what isis is doing was wrong. >> yes, sir. >> reporter: petty describes abdulazeez as more american than he was, and the self-described redneck muslim also liked to shoot guns. >> one day he said he had a gun and was showing me pictures on his phone, and i'm like i've never shot a gun before. and he was, like do you want to shoot this one? and i said, sure i've never shot one. >> reporter: the gun, an ar-15 military assault rifle like this one. >> he told me where the safety was, how to put it together.

told me not to point it at people. to always have it down. and he showed me how to shoot it. >> reporter: and was he a good shot? >> he was. >> reporter: contrary to reports from the abdulazeez family that he had depression he says he never saw it. >> he showed no sign of that towards me. he was always happy with me. always had something really nice to say. he they ever showed any type of anger, like not once did i ever see him angry. >> reporter: they last met july 10th at this mosque days before the shooting. >> he was happier than ever. he had, it was the biggest moment he ever had. >> reporter: with investigators still searching for answers, so are his friends and wondering if he really knew this person at all. he snapped. >> he did. in a horrible way.

and this what he did is not islamic. not at all. >> andrew joins us, that's the question. is that a snap or is this something longer and more planned. do we know -- his friends are saying one thing. what's the latest you're hearing from the investigators. what are they finding out about this guy? >> reporter: anderson, the investigators to date have not found anything we are told that suggests this was isis-related isis-inspired or had anything to do with radical islam being involved with this. what they have found are old writings which were anti-u.s. policy in the middle east but those writings, some more than a year ago now, also include writings that we are told point to somebody who is suicidal so we have this confusing picture, nothing that was written in the last week or anything that would explain what happened here. and that's why this investigation continues.

today we heard nothing officially from investigators. quite frankly, because they have nothing to say. >> all right, drew appreciate that. digging deeper with paul kreuk shank. you hear from the shooter's friend the family had initially said he suffered from depression. plenty of people have depression don't end up killing marines and a sailor. we know he made this trip overseas. drew saying no actual information about contacts with groups but perhaps self-radicalized by things he saw on the internet. >> i think it's becoming increasingly clear that he was radicalized to a certain extent. the family he was animated by an evil ideology. clearly the family knew that he had some kind of radicalization. there were also those blog entries which were sympathetics

at least toward the idea of jihad. >> again and again wore' seeing these cases, and this is nothing new where even if it turns out he had no contact with any groups even when he was in jordan that doesn't matter anymore. a lot of the people who end up doing this don't necessarily need that kind of direct contact. >> right, and that's what'sso disturbing about this case. it seems so familiar in some ways but what we're finding out in the last five or six days is it's inconclusive unsatisfactory. when tragedy happens, people in government you look for silver linings, something to learn from this something for government to do better and i'm kind of worried now that this will be a case stud eve one. this is just an odd case given the speculation or evidence that we have now inclusion mental disorder not strong ties to any group that we know of. no strong social media presence, except for a mass murder.

>> in a way, that's almost more frightening that there's not a trail. >> absolutely. no trail that they've picked up on so far. at least. >> right. >> but there have been a string of cases, terror plots, terror attacks in the west in recent months where there has been this combination between mental health issues on the one hand and radicalizations. we saw that in the hostage attack in sydney, australia where the hostage taker was seeing two psychologists. he was paranoid delusional we saw that in ottawa with the shooting outside the parliament and the hatchet attack in new york city where there were mental health issues in all that's cases and a mix between that and radicalization. >> one doesn't rule out the other. >> one doesn't rule out the other. and when people have these mental health issues, people can can move more easily from

radical act to radical action. >> and again, you know it is stairy if one request y scary if one can't pin point any group he was affiliated with and this is pointing to an appeal of an extremist dlochblideology. the idea that it's harder to keep this from occurring. >> it's almost impossible to prevent. the combination in this case at least, mental health access to arms. some radicalization and something going on with the family that we're starting to hear about, you know it's just the pieces are so unique that they drive one person to commit a mass murder. they drive other people to seek therapy or to you know not be violent. and that's the scary thing about where we are. there's just simply no sort of

definitive statement about what we can say about what's happening with these lone wolf attacks. >> let's hope they find out more. coming up it could be very bad news for 37 million customers who signed up for a dating website that caters to married people. the slogan is life is short, have an affair. hackers have gotten in and they are threatening a big move. that's next. our bones. new citracal pearls. delicious berries and cream. soft, chewable, calcium plus vitamin d. only from citracal.

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customers, tens of millions of cheaters or would-be cheaters. >> don't wait up. >> reporter: if you've ever used this website to hook up you might have some explaining to do. >> office romance too risky? you should have used ashley madison.com. >> reporter: the website, ashley madison.com helps arrange sex partners so marry the people can cheat. and now those cheaters have been exposed. a hacking group says it stole personal information, including names of 30 million ashley madison describers, and for about an hour and a half, people were view nl online. their slogan is life is short, have an affair. so just imagine what kind of personal information its clients may have shared, sexual

preferences, fantasies, fetishes all from people who never dreamed such juicy data could get into the hands of hackers. >> this is the kind of naïveness there is. >> reporter: avid life media which owns ashley madison released a statement, promising that it has once again secured the site. the company also says they have removed any personally identifiable information about its users published online. the hackers may be trying to pun earn the cheating website, which they say charges users a $19 fee to delete personal information that isn't actually deleted. the hacking group argues users almost always pay with credit cards, so the purchase details aren't truly removed as promised. they netted $1.7 million in revenue in 2014, just from the charges its customers pay to delete their data. the impact group is now

threatening to release customers secret sexual fantasies and matching real names unless ashley madison is taken offline permanently. a manifesto published online called ashley madison users cheating dirt bags and warns a significant percentage of the population is about to have a very bad day, including many rich and powerful people. >> what did this company say? >> they said that the pay to delete does work. but to make good with subscribers, they're now offering the pay to delete option for free. i imagine a lot of people are going to jump on that. >> autumn's incredible survivor story starts now. the following is a cnn special report.

my grandparents offered to fly me, because it would be faster and more convenient. >> her first trip on a private plane. >> we just went up and i was like that was fast that was easy. it was all white, then all trees and all fire. >> a fatal crash. >> all i could smell was my hand burning, and i could smell my hair burning. >> a sole survivor. >> i was trying to pull him out, and i just couldn't do it. >> and the desperate fight to stay alive. >> there's no way i'm going to let myself die like this. >> how did she do it? >> did you think at some point, i'm not going to make it? i'm going to die? >> tonight, a cnn special report. it's a miracle. 16 year old autumn veatch is a

young woman going through typical teenage angst. but she found things she loved. her art, her friends her music and going on social media on her phone. but in an instant, autumn's life became unimaginable. i came mere to bellingham washington to talk to her about the tragic plane crash and her amazing journey to safety. can you tell me how it came to pass that you ended up going flying with your step grandparents? >> well, i was visiting my mom in montana. and i was trying to find a way back and my grandparents, they offered to fly me because it would be faster and more convenient so i was, like, okay sounds good. >> their beechcraft a-35 plane roared to life. autumn's step grandparents were up front. >> how close were you with them?

>> i met with them for about two years ago when my mom and their son got married and they've been nothing but absolutely kind to me. during the visit i was having with my mom we saw movies together i stayed at their house for a few nights. >> leeland bowman was at the controls his wife sharon beside him. >> had you ever flown in a arkt of that size before? >> not of that size. a while ago i was in some commercial flights to go to arizona. but that's it. >> when you first off, because in a small plane it feels different, doesn't it? >> yeah. what was theson sensation like for you? >> i was, like, that was fast. that was easy. we took off so fast i was like, okay there we go. >> what did you see as you were flying along with your

grandparents? >> lot of trees, lot of mountains. i was texting my friends, like i'm on my way home can't wait to see you guys. >> and she was posting pictures. this is autumn on the plane. >> i know that you sent a text to your boyfriend. what did that text say? >> well, when we started hitting some turbulence and stuff, i was anxious about flying in the first place, so i was, like joking and i was like if i die, just remember i love you. >> her boyfriend didn't find that funny, but no worry, they had planned to see each other soon. >> once you made that text how long after that did the plane actually start having some problems and you start noticing there's a real issue here? >> maybe around 20 minutes. it really wasn't much longer. there was probably like one text after that. and that was just like me telling him that i was trying to find the address for the airport. he was supposed to pick me up.

and i was like i'll get the address. >> and the plane never made it. at 3:21 the plane dropped off the radar. >> we were kind of, you know flying through mountains and stuff, because you couldn't go very high because it's a small plane, and you're not supposed to do that i guess, and we couldn't go above the clouds because then you can't see down. >> and then a close call a near crash. >> we almost crashed the first time we went through some clouds but he took like a really sharp turn and was like ffffweeeew. that was a close one, and i was holding on to the back of the seat for dear life. >> you were nervous, were you scared. >> i was scared and i figured it would be okay. but it got way too cloudy. we dropped a few feet. that was part of the bumpiness. we dropped a few fight and lost

sight of what was going windows, you couldn't see, and gps wasn't working. and i hunched down an a little. i was scared and they'll sort it out it will be okay but i'm still, like panicking, freaking out. and then leeland said he was just going to go up. they would try to fly up. >> panic turned to doom quickly. >> because they were in the mountains, he was, like we're going to crash into the side of a mountain, i can't see what's going on. >> tell me what you remember of the sensation of actually going down in the airplane. >> started to go up. then it was all white then it was all trees. then it was all fire. >> next the unthinkable. autumn's grandparents trapped inside the plane. >> i was obviously scared to be

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stunned, 16 year old autumn veatch found herself alive in that plane she was riding in but staying alive would mean quick thinking and finding the courage she never knew she had. >> i was seat belted in and i was in the back. you're supposed to climb in through the front doors. i don't know there may have been a hole in the side or something that i climbed out of. ? once you were on the ground and the plane had crashed and it was on fire what did you do then? and what did you see around you? >> i got out. the fire that's how my face got burned and my hair's birning and stuff. >> but she says her grandparents were trapped. >> my immediate response was to go and try to help them out, and i was, like there's no way i could get to grandma, because she was on the far side. and there was nothing i could do. but i assumed if i got grandpa out first maybe shy would come out.

but i was trying to pull him out and i just couldn't do it. there was a lot of fire and i am a small person and that's what happened to my hand. i was trying to pull him out, but there was a point where it was, well he's it's just not happening, and there's nothing i could do. >> leeland and sharon bowman perished inside the plane, and it would take a miracle for autumn to make it. >> how did you go forward from that point? >> instinct was to go downhill, just, so i started going downhill. i mean i was obviously distressed crying and really scared to be alone in the middle of absolutely nowhere. i didn't even know where i was, i didn't know what city it was or anything. i still really don't. >> do you have anything to help you survive? >> i wasn't carrying a single thing. >> what was around you? just trees, trees and trees and

res. trees. i couldn't see the sky at that time. i was, like, i should listen for a freeway or anything and i was just running and tripping. i fell so many times, and i ended up falling off the side of a cliff. >> how far did you fall? >> i'm not positive. it really just kind of stunned me for a second. >> then the discovery that saved her life. >> i got up and kept moving. and then shortly after, i found the start of that stream that i followed for the rest of the way. >> burned and shaken she was still in shock. >> it was a lot of adrenaline adrenaline kind of pushing me forward, and the reason i wasn't feeling my hand burning and feeling everything that was happening. >> what was your body like physically? what kind of problems were you

dealing with? >> the thing i was thinking about most was my hand because it was blistering, and i had never seen anything like it. and all i could smell was my hand burning and my hair burning, and my face hurt. >> and so did her heart. >> i was blaming myself for what happened to my grandparents. >> why were you blame yourself? >> because, you know i mean i tried to help but i couldn't and it hurts, not being able to help because they did a lot for me. and there was a lot of remorse and sad feelings and stuff. >> she was soaking wet and freezing from the cold. >> that first day, a lot of crying and i mean as soon as it started getting dark i was, like, i should find a place to sleep. so i found a place that was kind of indented that i could slime

into -- climb into. i put my knees up to my chest and put my head down in my knees and wrapped my arms around and literally used my breath to keep myself warm. >> did you actually sleep at all those two nights in the wilderness wilderness? >> it's hard to say. there's so much on my mind, i don't know if i was dreaming or just thinking really hard. it was impossible to sleep. i'm sure there was some kind of unconscious state. >> it was the second day of her trek. >> things started to look a little hopeless for me, like what are the odds? i'm some 16 year old girl in the middle of nowhere. and i just started getting really hopeless. >> did you think at some point i'm not going to make it? i'm going to die? >> i was certain i was going to die the second day.

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all the odds were stacked against her. autumn veatch had survived the plan crash, but she was lost in the remote wilderness without all of the tools she needed to

sur survive. time was running out. >> what were some of the thoughts coming to you? >> i was getting hopeless and i was freezing. i was, like i'm going to die of hypothermia, it's going to be me freezing to death because it was just so cold. i was so positive i was going to die. and it made me really sad because there's, i started thinking about all the things that matter so much to me that i didn't realize mattered before. >> like what? what were some of the thinsgs that came to you? >> just little things, things that you don't realize that you love, like your pets or favorite songs or family, friends. i was just thinking about everything and how i would end up dying without every actually telling anybody how much they meant to me and stuff. >> and there was that last text

she sent to her boyfriend. >> i would leave my boyfriend on this you know weird cliff-hanger joke thing where i was just being funny about dying and stuff. >> and she had regrets about how she left things with other people she loved. >> i was looking at texts i sent to anybody and how irrelevant it was, and i got super sad and was just thinking like, there's no way i can die feeling like this. this is not fair at all. a lot of crying. a lot of crying. and then i just i don't know where it came from but i just got like this huge boost of like motivation like it went from me being sad about those things to me being, like angry about them like that's not fair at all. i mean i'm not the best person ever but i don't deserve to die like this. like there's no way i'm going

to let myself die like this. i have to move. i'm not going to let myself die like this. this isn't fair and it's not cool at all. >> wet, cold injured, the sole survivor of a fatal plane crash, autumn veatch picked herself up and started watching. she remembered tv survival shows she'd watched with her dad growing up. >> you've got to just follow running water down and it always leads to civilization. >> it was harder than it sounded. >> just crossing that river over and over and over again was so difficult. it was really slippery and i just got dragged down a little bit. and had to get up. >> but she kept on going. >> and, as i was walking i was just thinking huh, you know what would suck really bad, is if there was water falls? >> then, a sound off in the distance. >> huh, what's that sound? is that a freeway?

and i saw it just a drop. and i was, like that's a water fall. it's a water fall. i don't know what to do. >> but she did know one thing for certain, she wasn't giving up. >> i sat down and like mentally prepared myself for a minute like how am i going to get down to the other side of this? there's not anything to grab on to. and i can't leave this stream this is my way out you know so i just decided to scale down one side of the thing and i made it. i mean, i 345ed itmade it down and it was about 20 feet. >> in your converse and leggings? >> and burned up pants. >> can you yourself believe that you're here and still alive after all of that? >> well i mean, i don't know. it's weird. it's weird, i never thought that i had it in me to go through all

that stuff. i'm kind of a huge wimp. >> a huge wimp who surprised herself with her own determination and will to fight. >> i'm a person who sprugled with finding a will to live i'm a sad 16 year old. >> 16 year olds in general struggle with things like depression being negative did you have those struggles?? yeah really badly, everything i said was negative. >> but now, even in the most negative of situations lost in the woods, she found a way to keep going. >> tell me what the moment was when you realized i'm out. i made it out? >> i saw a bridge. i saw a bridge and my heart dropped. and i was, like is this real? am i hallucinating? and i went up to it. and there was a trail leading off the bridge and i walked up it and found a parking lot. there was one car there, there

was nobody by it. i didn't see anybody. >> finally, a road where she tried to flag somebody for help. >> are you waving people down telling them please stop in. >> yeah. i am out there like an hour and like a freeway and everybody just ignored me. nobody even slowed down. >> autumn had hit her limit. >> and i was sitting there by the sign, leaning against it and that's when my muscles started to shut down. it hurt so bad just sitting still. >> she was feeling the effects of dehydration, muscle damage and despair. but then a glimmer of hope. >> a red car pulled in. and there were two guys. and i started crying and i was, like oh, my gosh there's somebody here. >> they agreed to drive her to the nearest convenience store and she called 911. >> so tell me exactly what happened. >> i was riding from montana to bellingham washington and i

don't know where, but the crash - i was the only one that made it out. >> when you made that call you sounded unbelievably calm. were you? >> i wasn't calm. i was in shock. i mean listening to that sounds so it haunts me now. it maybekes me feel so weird. i wasn't feeling calm. i was, i mean i had spent three days like sobbing and freaking out, like i just was so still and just kind of everything hurt and i just didn't have the energy to cry more. and to whatever you know? i just, and i was kind of grieving and the way i do which isn't, you know it takes a while. it's very personal and i was just wanting somebody to come get me. i just wanted to go to the hospital. it was, i was in so much pain. >> i'm going to send someone to come help you there at the

store. don't go anywhere okay? >> okay. >> in the ambulance, autumn called her dad. >> he was happy. like he was super relieved and excited and happy. >> it seeped like a miracle. >> there's no way i cannot believe in good. >> even seasoned search and rescue workers were in awe. >> it is definitely a miracle that she survived and we're just happy about it. >> we're impressed with her. it's like a super hero. >> everybody is talking about how impossible the scenario was, and you made it. >> i don't know how. i have no idea. i mean it's impressive. >> autumn was finally reunited with her friends and family in the hospital and is home healing. but everything is different. >> this has really changed you. >> it really has.

beforehand i'm a very introverted person. i'm very shy and very quiet and relatively negative but this really gave me a new-found respect for life like i have never loved being alive more and having a second chance to be grateful and happy.

more calls for donald trump to back out of the 2016 race, but new polls show he's in the lead. washington and havana officially restart diplomacy after 54 years. welcome to our viewers in the united states and all around the world. i'm zain asher. >> great to have you with us i'm john vause, this