and her big brother. pretty sure i heard mcdonald's and frozen was on the agenda. happy birthday, baby girl. that does it for me tonight. thank you for being here and now experience the incredible story of gilda radner in her own words, "love, gilda," cnn film starts now. ♪ >> rolling on take two. ♪ >> radner became a star, emily latella. >> what's all this fuss i keep hearing.

>> soon to be the star of her own one woman show on broadway. these days she's making movies. >> here she is live, miss gilda radner. >> gilda radner. ♪ ♪ i am a baby born ♪ i can dance my eyes >> it's the story of my life, you know. people say, okay, you're a star now, gilda radner, what's it like to be a star?

>> this is side one. if i should talk like this, can you understand? when i think back on my life, i always felt that my comedy was just to make things be all right. i loved the naivete that the soul can believe what it wants to believe. i could be prettier than i was. i could be people that i really wasn't. i would use comedy to be in control of my situation. ♪

>> i can't believe this is her handwriting. are these actually her papers? like what she -- there's checkmarks. ooh. it's like we're detectives. >> this is a real honor. like seriously, this is huge. >> gilda smoking, gilda radner. >> shopping in supermarkets, staring. restaurants. >> elevators. male. aerobics. >> number 12 toilet, really liked your work. >> okay. i'm going to give it a try. this is gilda radner, her voice and her writing. first and foremost, above everything else, my main priority is that i am a girl. i've never wanted to be anything else. i'm fascinated with boys but i never wanted to be one. i agree, gilda. >> to be a girl and be funny means you have to sacrifice a lot of things because of your loud mouth.

>> being neurotic -- yes. >> i can't even begin to imagine how i got famous. it seemed like i took the next job and millions of people were watching me do it. >> maybe you know me and maybe you don't, or maybe you heard of me, or maybe you used to know me but don't know me anymore. for one time in my life, i was famous and it seemed like everyone knew me. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. this was really always my dream. when i was a little girl growing up in detroit, my dad used to take me to see shows when they would come into town and we would sit in about the third row and i would look up on the stage and the people up there just always looked so happy to be there.

and i thought to myself that that's what i wanted to do and that's where i wanted to be. and i remember when they would come near the foot of the stage and look out, i was always sure they were looking right at me, right at little gilda radner, and now that i'm finally up here, i can't see a thing. nobody says oh, i had a great childhood. everything was perfect. nobody says that. it's the choices you make in dealing with it. if i ever have my own comedy act, this is how i would open it, because people want to know, well, what made you funny? i know what made me funny. ♪ >> from the time i was a kid, i loved to pretend and to play and be in plays and put on costumes.

i was really a child of comedy. in the tradition of chaplin and tons of fun, they were great, and lucille ball. anybody who is willing to risk it. i would be glued to the television. and then i would go act out things like it in the backyard. ♪ i'm a child who came in an older marriage. my dad was in his 50s when i was born. i think i was such a joy, such a miracle that he would have children later in his life. the world revolved around us and he was the best audience in the world. after a hard day's work, he would sit for hours in his chair and i could do pantomime routines and anything and he would watch and he would laugh.

humor was a wonderful, unifying thing in our family. >> we were fortunate. we came from a family that was relatively affluent. our father was in the hotel/apartment business, and we were in detroit at the time when detroit was one of the great cities in the country. so, things were booming. ♪ >> my mother couldn't take the winters so every november my family would go to miami beach and live for maybe four months and then come back to detroit. and my parents would take me out of school and take me to a new school in florida. i couldn't get attached anywhere.

i overate constantly. we had a pantry in the kitchen with tons of food. she used to call that her room. she would sit there on a little stepstool and just munch. >> my weight distressed my mother and she took me to a doctor who put me on dexadrine diet pills when i was 10 years old. >> her mother was trying everything to control her weight because her mother was very beautiful and i think it was hard for her that gilda was not as thin as she would have liked. ♪

>> when i was 4 months old, dibby came. she stayed with us for 18 years. >> my father was at work. my mother was busy doing whatever she was doing, but dibby was the constant. she was a kind wonderful person and you know, we thought of her as our second mother. ♪ dibby and i became inseparable. when i would come home crying

because someone called me fat at school, she would tell me, if they call you fat, just make a joke about it and laugh. >> i made them laugh before they hurt me, before any kid could go hey, you fat thing, i would say hey, i'm fat. i can't see my toes, you know. and then i realized what comedy is. it's hitting on the truth before the other guy thinks of it. ♪ >> when i was 12 years old, my father went into the hospital for some routine tests. he had been having terrible headaches for a couple of years. >> they checked him out and it turned out that it was a brain tumor.

he got sicker and sicker, and he went into a coma. and it was like he was 40 years older. >> it was too great and sudden a loss of a person whom i adored. i was 14 when my father died. i was only a child. that's like a pivotal age when you're going from being a child into a woman, so i just never went into being a woman. ♪

♪ and i started going to an all-girls private school on the east side of detroit. there was more emphasis put on being funny and being involved in activities like the theater department than there was on dating, so i was encouraged that way. and the more comfortable i got, the funnier i got. >> in ann arbor, i suddenly found that you could major in putting on makeup and costumes, that you could get degrees in it. and so i went into the theater department. that was in a comedy satire group called the eastbound

mound, and we all just took life to see what was funny about it. ♪ ann arbor, the summer of '66. oh, there's me. billy. must have been a short-term boyfriend. bob, oh, that was another boyfriend, bob. oh, there's harold. another boyfriend. another boyfriend, jim. >> this one -- >> there's a naked guy in the shower but i have no idea who it is. who do you think it is? >> i don't know. i don't know. gilda had quite a few boyfriends. >> my biggest motivation has always been love. i would see a guy that i would fall in love with, and then i would just want to be with him and go wherever he went.

i never graduated from the university of michigan because i fell in love with a canadian sculptor and wanted to be his wife and a homemaker. >> she was cooking and keeping their apartment. he loved having her do that like he was being taken care of that way. >> jeff couldn't handle if i was ever funny and it was very frustrating. there was just a part of me that wasn't being used. and i actually reached a point where i felt like i was dying. >> one day i went to the theater and i sat there and i thought oh, i just felt so good, you know. that feeling i felt like i belonged, even in the audience. and so i ended up asking if i could work in their box office. >> they came in and she goes in and peeks through the little cubby hole that i hand her the

ticket and she goes you're kind of cute. >> eventually they asked me to be in these pantomimes for kids in the school system and then they asked me to be in a children's theater production. >> they made a whole industry off of gilda. >> god spell it, very successful in new york and they posted open auditions in toronto for the toronto company, and i went cold from the street and auditioned. >> everybody from that age group, early 20s, i guess, was auditioning for it. and i went as a pianist who would accompany. >> i remember gilda got up and she was dressed in sideway pigtails and she sang zippity-doo-dah and i remember thinking oh, that's the saddest thing i've ever seen. >> she was very quick to tell us

that she was not a singer, which was accurate. so we were doubtful at first. and then suddenly steven schwartz and all the creators said "you're hired" they loved her. and i thought i've got to rethink. i'm singing my funny valentine. i could be off here. ♪ >> we all started out together, didn't know what would happen. we just spent a year jumping up and down. ♪ acting like a pack of fools gazing and spacing letting their minds wander instead of studying the good lord's rules ♪ ♪ you better pay attention do your comprehension there's going to be a quiz at your ascension not to mention better start to learn your lessons well ♪ >> yeah.

>> first professional job i ever had, i can't speak for paul -- >> same for me, yeah. >> okay. our first job. and that company of people -- >> there were some really amazing people in there. >> yeah. >> we called ours the friday nights. the friday night services and it was a group of people who gathered religiously at the rented home that marty and eugene were sharing. the famous 1063 avenue road. >> that became the party house. 2:30 in the morning of all of us doing tapes and laughing. paul would play. i would stand there, with a spoon, like a mike. >> testing, one, two, three. >> make a premise. >> no premise. just start. >> just start doing it. >> our first contestant is miss mary quaint. >> hello, bob. >> why do you feel that you are deserving of the title queen for a day?

>> because my, uh, husband was completely ruined in an automotive accident. >> he's completely ruined. is he dead? >> no, he's at home in three beds. >> they were some form of power couple but there was comedy power. they had figured out both of them at such an early age that to laugh is the ultimate panacea to the degree that you can control anything. >> i was young enough to think that if you were as clever as gilda was and, therefore, blessed as gilda was, then what would ever make you unhappy about anything? you have family money. everyone adores you. every guy falls in love with you and every girl wants you to be her best friend.

she would walk into the room and all the energy would go to her. and i think that was her comfort zone. but she would have depressions and she would have emotional uncertainties. and at 22 to her 26, i wasn't sophisticated enough to understand that that was valid, especially with creative people. and we would break up and get back together. break up and get back together. and then in july, we broke up again. that's when she went to second city. ♪ ♪

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♪ when the second city organization came to toronto in the early '70s, they raided our "god spell" cast for their nightclub shows. they would do sketches and then the third set would be the just the improv set. >> it's about the most stressful thing you can ever imagine. we're just frantic behind the stage. you kind of say, will you work with me? will you work with me? the guys would want to work together and then they would realize they needed someone to serve the coffee in the scenes.

i never had the guts to go out by myself. i used to have to drink a beer and eat a bag of potato chips first. when it came to improvisation, she wasn't as strong as dan aykroyd. flaherty, but she always found a way to endear herself to the audience. >> i consider myself a circus performer, working without a net. i'm on a tightrope. and if i'm bombing, you're going to see it in my face. and if they're not laughing, do something. get louder. you know, do anything. you're working for the audience. and one day i got a phone call and it was john belushi. ♪ he said, you know, this is john belushi. do you want to be the girl in the show? and i say it in those words because that's what he needed, a girl to be in the show. who is going to be the girl? >> this on?

you. you be the girl. >> okay. ♪ >> humor comes out of tension and there is no better center for tension than new york. i think it certainly keeps the comic mind active. i find the more leisurely and pleasant my life is, the less funny i am. >> and now the national lamp and radio hour singles bar of the year, our male listeners will now be approached by ellen matterson, who comes to the singles bar of the air every week, always hoping to find that perfect mate. will that perfect mate be you? listen to ellen now as she says hello to you. >> hi, fella, i like to ride my bike, take long walks, walk on moonlit beaches with my hair blowing behind me. >> these guys loved her.

she didn't argue it. she wasn't a feminist saying i insist because that wasn't her personality and they would love when she would pitch stuff, because it was always funny but the guys weren't saying hey, let's think of a way to put gilda in the sketch. that was never part of it. >> i found in the writing session, i couldn't always get my ideas in. i would have an idea but i wouldn't say it fast enough and then one of the guys would say it. so i said, why don't i do the typing while you guys think of the ideas? so i put myself in this little control position. i could get my idea in there faster because i was kind of running how fast everything would go. okay, guys, are you ready? one, two, three, four. ♪ ♪ i'm a woman, i'm a human, i'm

a sister, i'm a singer, i'm a person, i am me ♪ >> belushi was a teacher to me, a mentor and mostly he made me laugh like you couldn't imagine. ♪ >> everything he did, his comedy, everything was suicidal. the way he ate, the way he drank, the way he walked, the way he moved. he was kamakazi comedy. ♪ the lampoon show seemed like a natural extension because they were having so much fun doing the radio hour. >> some people think we get all our guns and ammunition free from the red chinese. that's not true.

they cost money, a lot of money. and i can't get anymore from my dad. that's for sure. anyway, i've given up a life of comfort and wealth, surely you can send something, a dime, a dla dollar, a pair of socks, some 50 caliber tracer bullets or whatever you can to -- >> sla, nla, los angeles, california. ballooned your car. call meeeee! (burke) a fly-by ballooning. seen it, covered it. we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two. ♪ we are farmers. bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪

♪here you come again lookin' ♪a body has a right to ♪and shakin' me up so applebee's all you can eat is back. now with shrimp. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. i recently discovered that a good source of protein. that's why they're my go-to snack while i get back in shape. that one's broken.

♪ >> i had learned how to be more forceful and get my ideas out, and the guys really did support me and feel i was used really well in the show. ♪ >> by this time, she was just this underground sensation, and everybody knew about her, including lorne michaels. >> she was incredibly comfortable on the stage. i knew that she could do almost anything and also that she was, enormously likable. so i started with her. >> for what? oh.

>> i was a real novice in television, starting this job. >> gilda radne. >> ner. gilda radner. >> stand by. >> a lot of people were from the theater. lorne had hired them anyway. it was their first television. >> a couple of minutes here with >> a couple of minutes here with gang from saturday night which premieres here on nbc at 11:30 on the 11th of october. lorne michaels is the producer. how does it work? >> well, we've got eight and we're hoping for two to really work. so not all of these people will become stars. that's essentially yes. >> it was a strange time because we were all very quiet. we didn't know who should speak because there were so many of us on. so we were all polite and waited for someone to speak. >> nbc "saturday night." >> in the first show i think i was on a total of a minute. >> mr. bee? >> yes?

>> congratulations, it's a worker. >> we weren't so hot the first couple shows, you know. people were reading books in the audience. but we were allowed to do eight more and somewhere about the fifth or sixth show, something snapped. >> no, new shimmer is a dessert topping. >> it's a floor wax. >> it's a dessert topping. >> it's a floor wax i'm telling you. >> it's a dessert topping. >> hey, calm down, you two. new shimmer is a dessert wax and a floor topping. >> monday night we would come in and have a writer's meeting and every idea was discussed. then tuesday night, everyone stayed up all night because there was a read-through on wednesday. >> gilda threw her whole self into it. it was not at all strange to call gilda and pick her brain about something and then for her to come in her pajamas and a coat and come in and sit and write with us. >> we never sit around here and say, gee, i wonder what the kids are laughing at today.

we make each other laugh. we put it on the show. >> i can't. >> one more. one more. >> but it strikes me funny now. >> think of your dog dying. think of your dog dies. >> my dog did die. >> okay. >> think of your dog dying, huh? >> okay. on sunday when you leave him at my house. >> oh, god. >> okay. >> to be a woman on that show was extremely different than it was when i was there. there was so much in the world that had yet to be carved out for women in not just comedy. >> i loved being a fireman. >> those years went on and the woman's movement changed so many things. that made me be able to reflect that in my comedy. >> here are a few choice facial expressions when you're not on the construction site. >> when lily was there, we wrote

a sketch called the hard hats and belushi didn't want to touch it. and danny didn't want -- it was a switch. >> strut your stuff in front of gilda. >> finally, lorn twisted danny's arm to do it. >> i suppose being in the thick of it, i didn't even realize what strides we were making. >> that was terrific. how was it for you? >> okay. >> was it just okay or was it really okay? >> well, it was really just okay. >> she and chevy were the first two people that the audience connected with, because they were essentially playing a version of themselves. >> and now a new feature on saturday night, what gilda ate. gilda? >> thanks, rob. okay. i started the day with one piece of dry toast and two egg whites scrambled in a no-stick teflon pan.

>> in the early days of the show, i would put her out there when there was no time for a sketch. there was like four minutes and i had two and a half. i could just put up a slide that said what gilda ate and she would talk about it and be interesting about it. >> i didn't order dessert but on the way back to the office i had a fig newton and an almond joy candy bar and when i got to the office i told everyone that i was going to a bathroom but i went to a coffee shop and had a la mode and ate the whole thing. and then on the way after work, i went to a drugstore and bought an m&m munch bar. >> thank you, gilda. that's enough. >> but i'm not finished yet. >> but we have to go on with the show. i'm sorry. >> i'll just go get a snack. >> hello, i'm gilda radner and -- okay, now. >> i found that my comfort in live television was laughter. i can do almost anything if people are laughing. that's what hugs me and holds me and gets things out of me. >> live from new york, it's

"saturday night." >> she loved to be loved and she saw that being on the air was like adrenaline, and she developed characters quick. >> you really like that soup, don't you? >> uh-huh. more than anything in the whole wide world! >> a lot of my characters had a lot to do with growing up. >> i am so bored! because my room is the most boring room of the world! >> judy miller was the child in me, no doubt about it. and it was great freedom. >> in a sense, there might be some defiance about growing up, or fear of it. not wanting to emulate grown-ups.

>> judy, what's going on up there? [ laughter ] >> nothing. >> where did emily litella come from? >> oh, right from the lady who lives in stoney creek, ontario. can i say hello? oh, i will. oh, i'm sorry. hello to dibby. she's mrs. gilley who raised me and she's emily litella. she has all those difficulties that emily has. >> what's all this fuss i keep hearing about the 1976 presidential erection? >> emily is very hard of hearing and she's always getting things wrong. >> sorry, that's election. the editorial was about the presidential election not the presidential erection. election. >> oh, that's very different. >> yes. >> never mind.

>> the crowd just adored her. how many people play an old lady, you know, on a show and they can be thought of as young and sexy and vibrant? gilda went for it. >> and i promise from now on i will do my best. >> see that you do. >> bitch. >> first one to ever say bitch on television and the censors let me do it because they said well, it was a nice, sweet old lady saying it. >> i only named those people for television, and i put outfits on them for television but they've always been inside me. after i'm done being interviewed all day i go right into emily litella. i can hardly walk. i can't lie down. everything's stiff. if i have a cold or whatever i'm sick, i'm lisa loopner. she's the one that i most often will slip into because she doesn't care what she looks like.

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kayak. search one and done. yeah, i basically stole pretty much almost all of my characters from gilda. myself and another writer, emily

spivey would sit in the office and would look at old gilda sketches, talk about how amazing she was and then just do very weak 2.0 versions of what she did. >> i think gilda used every single part of her being, depending on what she was playing, her posture changed, her neck changed. there was a lot of like head and neck things she would do and sometimes i wonder if it's why i'm so physical, because i grew up really just watching her so intensely. >> everything she did, she you could tell she was having a lot of fun and i just went god, if i can get to that place because when i started "snl," i was a nervous wreck for four years and i thought, how can i just relax to where i can get to that? >> there's always a moment before i go on, i'm going to get out there and i'm going to fall apart. i'm going to fall over and i won't be able to do it. and then right before i have to

go on, i can't wait to go on. ♪ la cucaracha ♪ la cucaracha >> it's like every saturday night i've done an opening night of an underrehearsed off broadway show. >> you're not too bright, are you, fran? i mean, whatever your name was. >> lisa. >> as a matter of fact, you're extremely stupid. >> well, you're right, fran, you know, and i'm proud of it. you know, we all can't be brainy like fern here. >> tragedy struck the world of show business this week when tv personality howdy doody committed suicide on thursday in his beverly hills home. >> few people knew that doody had a wife, debbie doody. i see she's approaching me right now. howdy, debbie.

oh, i'm so sorry. >> no laughs at all. it was quiet in the studio. >> what's in the future for debbie doody? >> i don't know. >> i didn't know what to do. i knew the camera was on both of us and so i just flung myself on us and so i just flung myself on lorraine. >> thank you. thank you. >> back to you, jane. >> the harder i tried to do something well, the funnier it was. we were trying to be the best we could but because it was the two of us without all the skills and the training, it came off funny. >> she was an athlete and she was really gifted physically. >> she played candy slice,

basing her character on patti smith, she just committed really hard. ♪ i'm your biggest [ bleep ] rock me and roll me till i'm sick ♪ >> there's a real strong familial affection in this group of people. we yell at each other and scream at each other, we make each other cry, make each other laugh. we see each other outside of work. >> we were the unholy three, i suppose, but also we were the good girls. the boys were late. the girls were on time. >> oh, my god, it was so much fun. we were all family.

mostly due to john aiding me, like a little brother aiding his big brother. >> part of lorne's overall plan was to keep us innocent and keep us the underdogs of television. we were working so hard all the time that we were very insulated from the success. >> yee-hoo! live from mardi gras, it's saturday night. >> nbc saturday night. >> we were mobbed in new orleans. it became such a thing, they had to reroute the parade because there were so many people in front of where the tv cameras were going to be that they couldn't get through. >> hi! hello, hello. >> and gilda, particularly, was vulnerable. i remember some drunken college

student like jumped on her. and she had to wear a mask in order to get through the crowds. so, you know, at that point they realized that they were like famous. >> we all were, miraculously, made into celebrities. >> all of a sudden i came back from summer vacation and people knew who i was. >> the ratings that had been carson repeats turned from 2 million into 5 million americans now watch on a saturday night. >> 30. 30 million. >> 30 million? ♪ ♪

♪ >> gilda knew more people. she had more friends but she was hungry for a relationship. gilda came down to new york dating brian doyle-murray and then she started dating billy murray. >> oh, this is really beautiful, todd! >> it's a wrist corsage. >> todd and lisa uncannily mirrored the bill/gilda relationship, which was slightly sadomasocistic. >> we would try to leave it a little loose so that there was

room for them to play. [ laughter ] >> one of the things that was a factor that was difficult was that he had a long-time girlfriend on and off and she would show up periodically and gilda would fall into a depression. >> gilda used to say it was really hard for her to see "ghostbusters" because every single guy in the movie had been her boyfriend at one time or another. harold, bill murray, dan aykroyd. but not rick moranis. no. no. >> i remember she was involved with a very good-looking actor. she called him a clit snipper. and i went what the hell? you know, there's like a ball buster. he was a clit snipper. i was like oh, god, man. >> i think that gilda didn't have an opportunity to meet the shy guys in the corner.

she never was around them. and she was very needy. and i don't know that that was something that guys want, or that at least the guys that she went after wanted. ♪ >> i can't tell if guys are looking at me because i'm a girl and maybe just attractive or if they're just looking at me because they recognize me from the show and i'll maybe never know again.

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...well almost anything. leave no room behind with xfi pods. simple. easy. awesome. click or visit a retail store today. being funny got me famous, and being famous is almost as bad for dating as being funny. first of all, i had to work every saturday night. and most guys figure you're too busy for dating or already dating someone or so glamorous you don't even have a phone. >> one little note card just says, "you look different in

real life." it's always a strange thing to hear. you're like, i look like me. >> you look different. you look so much better. like, has anyone ever told you you look like a pretty amy poehler? "i'm going to tell you the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me because i think people like to know that celebrities get embarrassed just like everyone else. i was leaving dinner in a small restaurant with a gentleman that i had a huge crush on. it happened to be the first day of the month for me." oh, it's a period story. >> after i had a physical examination, the lab sent me the results of my blood tests and urine sample. attached to the reports was a note saying -- >> "dear gilda, i'm a big fan and wanted to take this opportunity to say that it was an honor analyzing your urine. sincerely, thomas olin." tom. i'm sure that's not ethically okay. and i love that she clearly found it hilarious because she saved it. >> success and celebrity-dom doesn't quite go with comedy

because there's something about being an underdog and a voyeur that makes comedy possible. and so how do you keep on looking at what's going on if suddenly everyone's looking at you and make that funny? >> next seven, come right here. okay. it will be a dollar. a dollar. thank you very much. $1. great. i wanted to int you to look up here where i have the actual gilda radner buy anything you want section of my home. and here a terrific reproduction of a poster of roseanne roseanne danna. and that's a steal at $15. >> when i first went on television, i didn't have roseanne in me. she came out of living and coping with new york. >> we were doing a parody that rosie shuster wrote, and my character was supposed to work in a hamburger joint. >> i was fired from my job making burgers in the back kitchen at burgerland because a

lot of customers complained about hair in their burgers. >> there was a wig in the back. so i put that wig on, and everybody said, that wig's too big. the chromakey is making it go -- you know, it wasn't good. everyone was yelling at me. and i said, yeah, but it's funny. let me wear this. >> there's a lot worse things that could be in burgers. >> so then i went in to alan zweibel, who was like in charge of update. >> we would go to restaurants with pads and pens and, you know, think of something, and just start writing. she would call the first draft the vomit draft. you just vomit it out, and then you start picking out the corn. >> why not have somebody come on the news, you know, a woman come on and just be like gross? which is very close to my sense of humor, gross pig humor. >> she would just act it out in front of me, and then we'd actually ad lib or improv things that were better than anything i thought of.

>> a mr. richard feder from fort lee, new jersey, writes in and says, "dear roseanne roseannadanna, last thursday i quit smoking. now i'm depressed. i gained weight. my face broke out. i'm nauseous. i'm constipated. my feet swelled. my gums are bleeding. my sinuses are clogged. i got heartburn. i'm cranky, and i have gas. what should i do?" mr. feder, you sound like a real attractive guy. you belong in new jersey. >> roseanne roseannadanna was probably the most popular thing that came from our brains. >> gilda radner. [ applause ] >> thank you. like my dressing room at nbc, i

share this with -- with laraine newman and jane curtin. ♪ >> we got our own secretaries to deal with the fan mail and, you know, some people had management, and they were working for them to have something outside of the show. >> everybody knew that this funny camelot was going to disband in some way. people were getting pretty burnt out. >> john and dan were off doing "the blues brothers." i think that more demands were made on gilda, and so i think she was under more stress as a result of that. >> do you have your own

aspirations as to where you want to go, what directions you want to move in? >> that's something i'm having trouble with right now to be completely honest. i don't know. there's days when i'm very dissatisfied, and i think what's next and what should i do. you know, if all of us started thinking about the future and got ambitious and all that stuff, then the show would fall apart. and they keep us so running ragged here that there's not much time to think about it. >> welcome to "woman to woman." >> hello paula baby. >> this is baba wawa speaking to you wive. >> ha, ha! >> we've been drugged. >> it was stressful for gilda. i certainly remember once her saying, "i'm just one person." >> want another vodka and tab?

>> i don't -- i don't think so. i think that 12 is my limit. >> yeah, well, i think my limit is about a thousand. >> there was a time in my life on "saturday night live" when nothing in our personal lives was sacred. >> i read in the "national enquirer" that the food and drug administration was considering banning saccharin from the market. i nearly died. >> if you could find a joke, so what if your whole world was falling apart? ♪

>> i think that the pressure for her to be so thin to be on television was enormous. she had to be able to eat because that was the way that she got love or, you know, where she needed to fill that emotional void. and in order to be thin she'd have to, you know, find some way to handle it. >> she would be hysterically funny, talking about standing in front of the refrigerator and shoveling food and how much she ate. i don't even think we knew the words eating disorder or bulimia or anorexia. >> although we were worried about her, i didn't feel like i could broach the subject. >> she never said "help me" to

anybody i knew, and i suspect somebody walked her into the hospital. ♪ ♪

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♪

♪ i need laraine and john, please. laraine and john. >> gilda had boundless energy, and she was always looking for something that would hold her interest. so she found a way to take what she was already doing that was funny and take it to another level. >> ladies and gentlemen, the call is now five minutes. five minutes, please. five minutes. >> places, please. act one, places, please. places for act one. [ applause ] >> it was the dream of my life to be on broadway.

♪ to actually tap dance and sing. >> it was a one-woman show, and it was not only her performance but her material. ♪ i love to be unhappy ♪ i live to be in pain ♪ when days are full of sunshine ♪ ♪ i'm looking for the rain >> i love that my broadway show is a series of memories. >> i remember when i was in high school. at the end of the year, they always had the prom. but what i learned was it was never the party that was the good part. it was always after the party. ♪ honey, touch me with my

clothes on ♪ ♪ sweetie, baby, longer than you do ♪ ♪ honey, kiss me with your mouth closed ♪ ♪ just like you love me and i love you ♪ ♪ >> i'm proud that i did that show. but what i learned was that wasn't what i wanted to do. i didn't want to be gilda radner, a solo performer personality. i saw what could happen, that you could end up being just gilda radner. and when you weren't being gilda radner, you had to stay in your room. and i was lonesome.

you know who for? for myself. >> it's gilda! [ applause ] >> gilda was going to be appearing in "gilda live" in chicago the night that we were getting married in a temple. so we rented out sammy's roumanian restaurant downtown in new york the sunday night before and had all the "snl" people there. ♪ snl was an extension of adolescence, and so when robin and i said, look, we're going to get married, gilda screamed -- she just shrieked, oh, god, we might have to be grown-ups

pretty soon. ♪ i got no one beside me to love and to guide me ♪ ♪ and who's going to do my hair ♪ ♪ i can't go on now that you're gone ♪ ♪ hey, what's happening with the sink ♪ >> shortly after she got engaged to g.e. ♪ >> i married g.e. smith, the lead guitarist in the band for "gilda live." >> i think it was her version of a walk on the wild side because they were so different. >> i don't know that anybody knew they had been dating, but i know everybody was surprised. >> since the last time we were

together on television, you've become a married person. >> that's right. >> how is it different from what you thought it was going to be, being married? any surprises? >> that it's better and wonderful. a wonderful state. that's all. >> okay. >> good night and good-bye. [ applause ] >> my contract was up with nbc for "saturday night live." i was not going to go back. i didn't want to just keep taking one job after another, and i think that frightened me enough to turn down some very wonderful jobs and look at wonderful jobs and look at myself more. (dad) i think it's here. (mom vo) especially at this age. (big sister) where are we going? (mom vo) it's a big, beautiful world out there.

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♪ i wanted to know more what my life was, i suppose. sometimes i'd look through the want ads and fantasize about having jobs with beginnings and ends. and i think about being the checkout girl at the grocery store or be a shoe salesman and be pretty funny and entertain

everyone who came in. and i could go home and be happy as opposed to doing it for 40 million people. but i got this script, and the adventure appealed to me. stuff like driving a truck through the desert while people are shooting at you, you know? when am i going to get to do that? i thought that sounds like the kind of movies i used to watch when i was a kid. but the part itself was not really funny. here was a girl with no wigs, was unattractive, well-dressed young woman in her 30s. and i thought that could either be a character for me to portray, or i might just have to

face the fact that that's what i am. >> there's lots of things about me you don't know. ♪ >> when gene met gilda, he had just gone through kind of a magic period in his career. there was "willy wonka," and there was "blazing saddles." and then a movie that he wrote with mel brooks and starred in, "young frankenstein," came out six months later. >> life, do you hear me? give my creation life! >> so at that moment, gene became a very big movie star. ♪ gene was not a comedian.

he did not make people laugh for a living. he was an actor that had been in a lot of funny films. she was in many ways just as famous, certainly in america. >> i had been a fan of gene wilder's for many years, but the first time i saw him in person, i was hooked. it felt like my life went from black and white to technicolor. >> i could tell by the way she was talking about gene that it was something special, and it wasn't going to work out very well for g.e. after a little while, they split up, and she was with gene. >> it's wonderful to see the two of you here joining me together. >> it's wonderful to see us here too. >> seeing you. >> first appearance ever together? >> first one touching. >> first one with touching. where are you cutting this? >> gene and i lived together on and off for the next 2 1/2 years.

my new career became getting him to marry me. being interested in sports was one of the things gene wanted in a woman. so i took tennis lessons in california. gene loved france, so i took lessons in french. >> [ speaking french ] >> [ speaking french ] >> i think i have always been searching for some kind of love that was perfect, and so of course it could never work out. and she's like a little gnat that's saying, it's never going to be perfect. >> i brought imperfection into his life. >> yes, she brought imperfection into my life. before that, it was perfect. >> growing up, i would be with my uncle gene, who was also a second father to me, for a few months of the year. and when he and gilda moved in

together, that just sort of continued, not just us, but gene had created out of his friends in los angeles that were also colleagues a family atmosphere. >> here at the luxury ritz and famous home of the rich and famous, very rich and very famous, gilda radner and gene wilder. it's me, robin leach. let's make our way quickly down the driveway. you can see the beautiful tennis court, the expensive luxury swing. coming along the path is the very, very expensive, rich, and successful dog of the radner-wilders, miss sparkle radner-wilder. >> i have changed lives. i left new york. i stopped hanging out with the

"saturday night live" crowd, and i've lost touch with a lot of people. >> i mean gene took gilda away from us. but we also were aware that she had physical problems, and we just were aware that he was getting her taken care of. >> i think the thing that gene did the best to help gilda was getting her to eat and enjoy eating. he made her feel that she deserved to live life nicely and to look forward to things, not just on a weekly basis but a daily basis. >> i don't know if you are going to make masterpiece in the movie, but you are going to have a masterpiece in real life. >> oui. ♪

>> gilda. ♪ happy birthday to you >> there was a time when i thought that all i wanted to do was work, and now i know that what i really want to do is live. i'm growing up. there's no doubt about it. i'll tell ya. and i don't mind. when i look in the mirror, i see lines around my eyes. i see a woman more, a young woman, mind you, but a woman and less a child. >> what about you and gene? will you have children?

>> we would like to have children. >> what would happen to gilda radner? would you go through a lot of turmoil about that? >> oh, no. i think -- no, no more than i go through anyway. i think it would be good turmoil. i think that's what life is about. >> i mean what could be lovelier than having a baby? the hair alone would make people squeal with delight. >> do i talk now? >> if you want. >> happy birthday, lindsey. boing, boing, boing. uh... correct! you don't have to choose, 'cause, uh... oh! (vo) switch to the network awarded by rootmetrics and j.d. power. buy the latest galaxy phones, get galaxy s9 free.

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my career was still very important to me, too. >> hello, ted. i just wanted to say good morning and have a lovely day. >> so when orion pictures gave gene the okay on "haunted honeymoon," i put off having a baby. gene was the writer, director, and the star, and i was his wife. [ screaming ] >> just practicing. >> after the second shadow, there will be lightning. >> i got heavily into the adventure of movie making. >> this thing is pinching my butt! and i didn't even think to look at my calendar until i got the first dizzy spell.

my period was late. i couldn't believe it. gene and i were ecstatic. ♪ ♪ >> you believe in the work you do. you have joy in the work you do. and then you find the public's not interested in it. after that, well, i guess what

i've called the weird life began. >> gilda was just not quite herself. her energy level wasn't great. >> one morning she just said, "i don't know what's wrong with me. something's wrong with me." >> i wouldn't be able to get out of bed for quite a few days. then out of nowhere, i started having weird pelvic cramping. a series of blood tests showed absolutely nothing wrong, and they basically sent me home saying everything's fine. there was something not right, but there was nothing wrong. >> that was when they were saying it was epstein barr or it was just psychological. >> i've gone to doctors and seen that they're just looking at roseanne roseannadanna or emily litella and not really seeing that here is a person who is sick or has complaints. >> on monday, october 20th, the phone rang.

it was my internist. he checked me into the hospital immediately for tests. he said very calmly, we've discovered there is a malignancy. i had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. >> after she was diagnosed, she responded like i think a lot of people respond and was absolutely convinced that this was the end of her life, and she didn't take calls from me, and she didn't take calls from judy. it was a pretty tough, difficult time. >> last night i had a huge, angry, violent breakdown. why me? why me? i thought i was supposed to be the jester. i end up somehow being the beggar. i feel like some fighter who keeps getting knocked down to the floor.

well, this time i'm having a little bit of trouble getting up. i don't know. getting a little beaten up, the old body. trying to find the confidence to stand up and fight some more. but it seems like the gimme, gimme, grabby, grabby gilda doesn't want as much as it used to. used to be i wanted everything, career, husband, baby, travel, stardom, lights, stage. well, all this keeping getting knocked back down again makes me go, okay, now just give me my health. just my health. okay? just my health. ♪ in the hospital, i wanted to watch myself in the reruns of "saturday night live" because it would always make me laugh.

young, dancing around. here i was using the show and my own self to get me through what was happening to me. and i knew every night i could look forward to it, to seeing my friends, to seeing myself, going that is me, and it's still me. the most difficult part of the whole chemotherapy was my hair. and i remember our friends invited us to a party, and i wouldn't go because i couldn't think who to go as. who do you go as with no hair? what character? just like i did on "saturday night live," i tried to think up who could i be to get through this? i knew that i couldn't wear a wig, and i thought, i'm going to be better off with a scarf or a

turban. so i kind of dressed like a harem girl or something with this little hat on, and i found a character to come back into the world. the oncologist wanted me to see joanna, a therapist, who had a sharing group at this place called the wellness community. >> gilda said, no, i'm not that kind of a person. i can't go there. i don't feel like making people laugh right now. i'm too famous. >> and finally joanna talked her into going, and she came home that night, and she said, skipping and dancing, you got to come along. you won't believe it. it's just wonderful. i took charge, and i told everyone what was going on inside my mind, and i started to cry, and then they started to cry. then i started to laugh. then they started to laugh. and i want you to come with me. >> my humor had come back me, so it doesn't matter there that i'm gilda radner. it's not my reputation. it's really who i am and who i've always been.

in the hospital, i would think up things to make people laugh. like i'd wait until the nurse left the room, and then i'd buzz for her and say into the intercom "nurse" in the most pathetic way possible. "nuuurse." i always got them laughing that way. i don't keep track of regrets. and i don't add up the years. but what i do count on... is boost®. delicious boost® high protein nutritional drink now has 33% more protein, along with 26 essential vitamins and minerals. boost® high protein look for savings on boost® in your sunday's paper. (danny)'s voice) of course you don'te because you didn't!? your job isn't doing hard work...

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okay. >> wait, i'm fixing up a little. hello. hi. this is my doctor. are you filming now? >> yes, dear. >> oh, here. should i show my hair? >> oh, yeah, please. >> it's breaking. this is what -- >> i love it like that. >> i was panicked this time. i didn't want to come for this treatment. i thought if i filmed it, you

know, it would add a dimension to take my mind off of it, you know? you're going to take the blood? are you nervous? no, he doesn't care. chemotherapy is so much fun. ♪ ♪ >> gilda wasn't going to take this shit lying down.

there's not a chance in hell. cancer, [ bleep ] you. i'm going to go out and play. let me figure out how to do this. ♪ i am well, i am wonderful ♪ i am cancer free ♪ no little cancer cell is hiding inside of me ♪ ♪ but if some little cancer cell is sneakily holding on, i'll bash and beat its [ bleep ]ing head and smash it till it's gone ♪ >> hello. hello. it's a beautiful day in october. >> the group is here. >> hello. >> so nice to see you again. >> i'm gilda's brother. >> you're doing it while i'm sitting. >> the voice you're hearing in the background is my mother. >> look at the camera. >> mom, look at the camera. >> my house became a resort for my friends and family. >> who is that out there? gene wilder?

mwah, mwah, mwah. >> gilda was in remission, and we were thrilled about it. >> how often do we get to know exactly what our battles are or get to find out what we're actually made of or how brave we are? i kept thinking there must be a purpose to this somewhere, that a comedienne does, you know, roseanne roseannadanna and all this stupid stuff gets the most unfunny thing in the world. how am i going to get people to laugh about it, to be able to speak the words, to be able to not be afraid to be treated for it? the things you want to do.

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she said, you know something, my jokes are my only weapon against this. she said can you help me make cancer funny? i was starting a new show called it's gary shandling show, and she was nervous at first about doing the show. we took a walk once and she started to say it's been six or

seven years since i've been on tv and i'm afraid that when i walk through the door, the studio audience isn't even going to remember me. >> oh, gilda, it's gilda radner, everybody. >> don't milk the applause like that. >> i'm sorry, gary, i haven't been on television for a while. >> yeah, what was wrong. >> oh, i had cancer. b what did you have? >> i just had a series of bad career moves. >> this was verbotent, you don't

make cancer jokes. gilda was the first person that i ever saw do that publicly. >> are you looking into the camera? >> no. >> don't look into the camera. >> i didn't. >> don't. you don't come in here and look at the camera. >> i didn't. >> i'll bop you. i will. if i see a tape of this show, and you're looking into the camera. >> the calmness came over me like i was suddenly home, back making people laugh again. >> she was on a mission when she got sick, and she felt that she could be of help by being an example and that's exactly what she did.

>> and i thought since i'd always dreamed of being a writer, row manhattan romantisi fantasized about it. i think cancer taught me more tools for life than i ever thought before. >> there were numerous times that we thought she was in remission, her cancer unfortunately kept rearing its head. >> but i remember once pam and i were there together, and they came out and they were talking. then they got quiet, and i talked to pam later and i said what did gilda say to you, and pam said she said to me for a little while, i thought i was going to get away with this. i think she finally realized

that she wasn't going to be okay. >> i had wanted to wrap this up in a neat little package about a girl who was a comedian from detroit, becomes famous in new york with all the world coming her way, gets this horrible disease of cancer, then fights it, and then miraculously, things neatly tie up and she gets well. i wanted a perfect ending so i

sat down to write the book with the ending in place before there even was an ending. now i've learned the hard way, it's about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. ♪ ♪ sonny, touch me with my clothes on, sweetie, baby, longer than you do, honey, kicks

me, with your mouth closed, just like you love me and i love you ♪ ♪ now whatever happened to d donny, two moments when your lips met mine ♪ ♪ so in love were we, too, we didn't know what to do ♪ ♪ chances were awfully good that love could be so fine ♪ to be famous is more less a stab at immortality. >> a chance to leave your name and work in the memory of millions of people. >> unfortunately, it doesn't help you personally with being dead. >> because once you're dead, it really doesn't matter much to you about restaurants and what's on television. >> i was thinking i would like to be buried with a television at my feet, and i would like to have my tombstone read gilda radner had a great time.

>> i want to make sure anybody passing by my grave gets a good laugh. >> a good deep mortal laugh, even if i don't hear it. ♪ it's a time of enormous any tool for human explosion will bring out the best and worst of us and television has been there. >> they don't pay me enough to deal with animals like this. >> people are no longer embarrassed to admit they watch television. >> people used to say i was there, now people say they watch it on