but it's like what pastor mike said. not what would jesus do? what did jesus do? we need to get the message consistent with the dude. these messages will shape the world we live in. otherwise -- >> $3,750 for seven years of food all in these beautiful buckets. she was hit by a drunk driver. i don't think my family's ever going to be the same. >> i drank every day a pint of whiskey, you know, for breakfast. >> they had to do surgery to save her life. >> i don't remember much at all. >> i really want her to see the damage that was done. >> i know there's going to be some difficult questions. >> i carry the burden from her mistake, and that's a very, very tough thing to swallow.

>> i spent half my life working with the criminal justice system, and i've seen lives devastated by violence. we like to imagine that after the verdict, the story is over, the victim and the offender are never meant to meet again. but for some, the only way to move forward is to come face to face with the person who shattered their lives. new orleans. one of the most visited cities in america for a good reason. amazing food. incredible people. they also got a lot to drink around here. there are some downsides that

come along with that, especially when it comes to traffic fatalities, you know. one of the big epidemics we don't talk about enough, every 50 minutes somebody in the united states actually dies, loses their life in a crash with an impaired driver somehow involved. i'm on my way to metairie which is just outside of new orleans to meet with the stokes family. their daughter, ashlee, was hit by a drunk driver in 2008. she survived, but she suffered severe physical and cognitive impairments. in just a few days, ashlee and her whole family, including her parents and her sister, are going to sit down and meet with the person who caused the crash. hey, how are you? >> hey, come on in. >> yeah, come on in. >> glad to be here. appreciate the opportunity to talk to you. >> do you want to have a seat? >> appreciate it. you guys look at each other a lot different than most couples

who have been married for a gazillion years. you still look like you're in high school. >> yeah. >> why is that? >> thank you. >> karen and i were high school sweethearts. we met really, really young. >> school had just started, and he immediately came up to me and we started talking and -- >> we've been together ever since. it's really no separating us. i can remember the day when she told me that she was pregnant. it was like, wow. ashlee was my first born, and i'm going to tell you now, she was a great kid. she was always responsible. she was always sitting there willing to help. >> she always made everybody's birthday card. all of her friends, she would -- she would make them a handmade card. she was that thoughtful. >> there are so many memories made here. >> isn't this beautiful? >> hi, ashlee. >> hi. >> i've got so many videos of

the girls. ashlee and meghan were so meant for each other. they were both so silly. >> hi. >> ashlee, be careful. >> mommy. you go. >> wash your hands. >> yucky. >> i was obsessed with ashlee. wanted to be in her room. wanted to hang out with her friends. wanted to wear her clothes. >> sit. bang. >> she was just constantly cracking jokes. >> good boy. >> she was always the funny one. >> hi, camera. >> she was literally, and still is, my everything. >> i know -- i know it's painful, but i just, i want to have an understanding about the incident from the point of view of how you guys even found out about it.

>> it was may 25th, 2008. it was just like any other barbecue. we were sitting around with kerry and denise, really, really good friends of ours, playing cards and the kids were just hanging out and later in the day, kerry grabbed his keys and said, okay, ashlee, let's go. she was 15 years old, and she had been driving with a learner's permit for about seven months. everywhere we went, we would let ashlee drive. so it wasn't the first time that she had driven the car. so they left to go to the corner grocery store, which was, i mean, literally, like, a mile away from their house. we were having a good time, and then denise's phone rang.

she said, "they've been in an accident." and she said, "the passenger's okay, but the driver doesn't -- doesn't look so good." i remember there being a lot of fire trucks and police. there were lights. lots of lights. they wouldn't let me anywhere near the car. but you could see that the front end was just totally pushed in. and she was lying there. she was just laying in the seat and she was unconscious. i just kept saying over and over again, "god let her be okay. let her be okay."

>> at fairway hospital in mandeville, ashlee came in. she wasn't moving. she looked like she was sleeping. >> after several hours, a doctor come into the waiting room and told us that they had saved her life. but ashlee was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury. we just didn't know what to expect after that. >> i'm super glad to meet you. i've heard such great things about you, and your heart, from your mom and your dad and from other people. takes a lot of courage to meet the person who hurt you. it takes a big heart.

big spirit. you're welcome. >> she says thank you. >> are you looking forward to meeting with callan? not really? >> "if i'm being completely honest." ashlee does require 24-hour care. she can't do anything for herself. she can't feed herself. she can't brush her teeth. she can't walk. she can't get up to go to use the restroom. it's totally flipped our lives upsidedown. i want her to meet ashlee. it's been ten years, and there's been no communication, and i want her to see what damage she's caused. >> this opportunity to meet with callan, i would love for it to

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new orleans in lacombe and going to visit with callan gill, the young woman who was the drunk driver in this horrific accident. she was three times the legal limit for being drunk. that's real drunk. you don't get that drunk and drive without having a real serious addiction problem underneath it. ten years later, i don't know what she's learned. i don't know why she wants to meet with this family. and i'm here to find out. >> i'm 33 years old. i was charged with first-degree vehicular negligent injuring. ♪ >> so good to meet you. >> good to meet you, too. >> thanks for making time for me. >> thank you. >> you got some courage on you to be doing this meeting. >> yeah.

>> yeah. >> it's got to be done. >> got to be done. >> yeah. >> i'm curious about the night of the incident. what do you remember about that? >> may 25th, 2008, i don't -- i don't remember much at all. a lot of that day is a blur. it's not even a blur. it's just not there. it was memorial day, and i had been drinking, but on this particular day, i ended up mixing my liquors and i had drank vodka at some point, a good bit of it, and also a brown whiskey. i had took my dog swimming in the bayou, and i know that's

where i was coming from and i stopped at the store and got another bottle and was on my way home and that's when the wreck happened. >> what do you remember about that? >> i don't remember the impact. i remember the window being cracked and i was trapped. i couldn't move my legs or anything, but i can move my right arm. i knew something had happened and i was -- it was bad. ♪ and then i remember waking up in the hospital the next day. and i told my mom, you know, i was ready to go home. at that -- that's when, you know, she told me what happened. do you -- you know, do you even know what you did?

and i didn't. ♪ she said, "you better pray that little girl makes it." that's when she told me that ashlee was in a coma and that they didn't know if she was going to live or not. >> what'd you feel at that point? >> i don't -- i don't remember if i felt anything. i was so numb from alcohol and pain and just -- i was just numb. the injuries that i sustained were minor compared to ashlee's. i had a hole in my left knee where something from the floorboard had went into my leg. i had a dislocated hip. broken elbow. and i had a compound fracture on my right leg.

i just remember them transferring me from the hospital to the jail, but i was released from jail because they couldn't keep me due to my injuries so i was home almost a year before the trial. and when i went home, i continued to drink. i drank every day. it did not ever occur to me, you know, to stop drinking. >> you got a dad, you got a mom, you got a baby sister, you got a young woman in a wheelchair. why do you want to sit across from all that pain? >> there was -- i've always wanted to meet ashlee, and i know i'm unworthy of forgiveness.

i knew that i was an alcoholic, and i really didn't care. i actually thought that i drove better when i was drunk. >> i have heard her story of why this happened. the drugs and alcohol taking over. but, i mean, is that an excuse? is that what you're going to tell me? is that -- is that why this happened? i guess we'll see.

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when ashlee was in icu, we learned that every brain injury is unique. ashlee had her brain surgery where they take your skull off so that your brain can swell and not kill you, and when you see that, you see your daughter there and her head is, like, baseball stitches, and when they went in to save her, they had to cut her jawline so that's not right, and when they had to see one brace on her, it was not the

right size so it cut the shit out of her chin. i'm just thinking to myself, sitting in a corner, were not many choices, watching her suffer, and, boy, i lost it that day. callan gill was number one enemy. this girl was going to pay for this. so i -- i was going to kill her. i was going to do it really slow. i was going to bring her right back to that spot. i had already been there. i figured out exactly where i was going to lay her. yeah, i had it in my mind the ways was going to take care of her. as i'm leaving, ashlee lifted her head three times. i hadn't seen her even blink before that.

so i opened up my bible and i turned off my phone and i never went and got her. and i've never shared that with anybody. >> somehow, you're in a car drinking and driving with three times the legal limit of alcohol. >> yeah. i -- my dad was an alcoholic, and my dad, like, lost everything because of alcohol. and i always said, you know, i'm not -- i'll never be like that, but a bottle became my best friend. >> i have a lot of alcoholism in my family. in fact, i've never had a drink

of alcohol. i've never had a sip of beer, champagne or anything, because it's so strong in my family, so i know what kind of a struggle it is to stay sober for folks who have those kind of challenges. so it's in your family. it's in your blood. but usually people are running from something. what's in the rear view mirror that had you get in that car and drive that fast? >> i saw firsthand how alcohol can destroy a family. i have two older brothers. i'm the baby and the only girl. and i spent a lot of time with my dad fishing and boat riding and swimming, but my mom and dad, when they divorced, my dad kind of fell off and i resented him because he chose alcohol over anything else.

in high school, softball was something that i was extremely good at. based on my athletic skills, alone, i probably could have went to any college, but even though i loved softball, i let my grades drop so i had to quit the team. that was kind of like the turning point. i ended up quitting school, and that's when i started using drugs. i started using oxycontin, and oxycontin is very addictive, and i moved in with the guy that sold the pills. i was 17 at the time. he was 43, i believe. that was a very dark, dark time in my life.

starting in 2003, i was arrested several times and was sentenced to drug court, but i was only clean for a short period and then my dad passed away in 2005, two weeks after hurricane katrina. and at some point, i started drinking whiskey. before you know it, i had became, you know, just like my dad. wake up and kill a pint of whiskey, you know, for breakfast. i was just a shell of a person. no life. when i went to jail, that's when the fog started to lift and i started getting pictures of the wreck, pictures of ashlee in the

hospital. it really started to sink in, the severity of my actions. all right, sammy. come here. sit. all right. sasha, come here. come on, sasha. come here, mama. good girl, sasha mae. since march of 2009, i have stayed clean and sober. over the years, i have wanted to meet with the stokes. i think that it's important for them to see that i'm different. ♪ >> you're somebody who's actually got a 30-year history in this and you've been doing some pretty extraordinary stuff. why don't you talk about that a little bit? >> virtually all of my training has come from just working with victims and working and coming to know perpetrators and their families. >> how do you feel about this particular gathering? i mean, you have a whole family. how do you think about something like this?

>> i will be honest, i've never done a circle with someone who's had a traumatic brain injury. >> how does it impact the whole situation to have ashlee present? >> it shows in ways that words can't just how profoundly her life has changed, but we had to make the conscious decision to ask that we do part of this circle without their daughter being present because each of them are going to turn their entire attention to ashlee when ashlee's in the room. >> in some ways you have a young woman who wasn't doing anything wrong and her life gets sacrificed and then the young woman who was doing things that were wrong, her life ultimately winds up much better than it might have ever been. doesn't seem fair. doesn't seem just. >> you know, i don't know what the answer to what is fair is, but i do know this, the reality is this crash happened, and now it's time to talk about it.

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hey, baby. >> back at touro hospital in the brain injury unit, ashlee started to come through a bit more, come out. and she looked up at me. and she said she wanted to use our story to make a difference. it blew me away. hey, guys.

>> since 2010, we have been doing a program called sudden impact. >> sudden impact is a program that tries to educate high school sophomores about the impacts of destructive decisions. you choose to go to prom, you choose to go to the dance after the prom, and you choose to play beer pong. you look over and your designated driver's slamming shots. you going to get in that car with that guy? what do you do today when your friend's texting and you're in the car? what do you do? at your age, i need you to understand your choices. >> i wasn't going to quit until i killed myself. the wreck saved me. as crazy as that may sound. since i've been released, i actually started speaking to a dwi class once a month sharing my story. you're in this class for a reason.

i just pray that you see ashlee and you remember what can happen in a split second. the consequences, they last a lifetime. that keeps me grounded. come on, pudding. come on, my pudding. life today is pretty much centered around one person now. and his name is r.j. russell jr. he's named after his father, which is my fiance, russell. >> little buddy woke up yet? >> no. >> he's out cold. it ain't good to play with him today. >> uh-uh. >> does having a baby give you more insight into what ashlee's mom must be going through? >> yeah, because spending time with r.j. and his little smile, those dimples, you know -- >> what's coming up?

>> thinking about tomorrow. and the pain that i've caused them. >> my purpose in all of this is to provide support and kindness. so i want to check in with you and just see how you're all doing. >> pretty anxious. definitely. i think that's something we all feel. >> you like this one? flats or sandals today? it's hard seeing my parents hurt watching them go through all this because they didn't deserve any of it. none of us did. >> i don't know how you're feeling about your willingness to share with them that you've just had a baby.

>> he means too much to me, so i'm not going to keep it from them, but maybe i'll write it in an article or something that ashlee will never have children and never be able to have a normal life, so for me to have a baby, is that going to be another stick in the heart, you know? i had wrote a letter to the stokes. and when i was writing the letter, i felt like nothing i was going to say was going to be okay. >> we haven't opened the letter yet mainly because of -- because of my feelings. i mean, if i was in her position, i would have not let it have gone ten years before reaching out. >> when these people collided and spiraled and spiraled and spiraled for years and years and

years, finally come back into contact with each other, it is like the biggest thing in these people's lives. i mean, we underestimate the amount of courage it takes these people to do this stuff. >> i have a lot of nervousness and anxiousness. the fact that i'm going to really be sitting down face to face with the stokes -- >> callan gill was the girl that chose to take everything from me and my family. i don't know where we're going to land. ♪ ♪ there's nothing more important than the education of a young mind. except maybe being first in line to the grand opening of the world's largest rollercoaster.

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♪ hey. >> good morning. >> good morning. >> you're welcome. before we start, i want to ask you all just to take a slow, deep breath. it took us ten years to get to this point where we're all sitting down together and you're able to face each other. so just take a slow, deep breath. okay.

>> okay. i'm david stokes. i'm ashlee's father. this is -- this is very tough for us, and i'm really here with no expectations, but i think i can vouch for all of us when we say we made a commitment a long time ago because of ashlee's will to make a difference, so it's an answer to our prayers to be here and get this chance. >> and also since it has been ten years and you haven't met ashlee, i think that you really do need to see what was caused by your actions. >> i agree with both my parents. we don't have any expectations for this. we're here for ashlee.

>> i'm here because there are things that i really want y'all to know. when we were in court and they brought ashlee in, i couldn't even look at her. i didn't want to face it. the severity of my actions did not sink in until i got to prison. that's when it started to sink in. the damage that i caused and the pain and what y'all were going through. >> every single day i have to see my daughter struggle. the past ten years has been a nightmare. it's not -- i mean, it's not her.

>> connected just enough, you know, to sit there and ask me what's it like, what are you going to do, what is my life going to be? >> sometimes, not all the time. >> but what i need you to know is, my wife is not the same because she's totally committed to ashlee, and it has an impact on everything. on her relationship with me and her relationship with meghan. >> and i -- i don't think that you have any children, so you may not feel the same, but as a mother, it is the hardest thing to see your child go through what she is going through. >> i do.

i was waiting for the right time to tell y'all, but i do. i have an 8-week-old baby boy. i said to myself, you know, is it going to be like another stake through the heart? to keep that part of my life from y'all is unfathomable because he's so precious. >> it is a miracle. >> yeah. so that is definitely something to live for. >> yeah. it's hard. it's hard to even celebrate with you. >> i know. i'm going home to a normal life and y'all aren't. y'all have to wake up and be

reminded every day of may 25th, 2008. i don't know how y'all can sit across from me. it just takes -- it's just selfless. you know? and i was such a selfish person for so many years. >> i mean, i have another question. why did it take ten years for you to write ashlee a letter? >> i want you as a family to know that i have tried to reach out. i was told when i first got locked up and got my time that i was not to contact y'all. that if y'all wanted to have contact with me, that it would be on y'all's terms. but i wrote my judge a handwritten note and i said, i'm not asking for a reduction of sentence.

i'm not asking for a court date. i'm not asking for anything but for you to help me meet ashlee, and i want her to know that i'm sorry and -- >> so basically, contacting us would be -- >> writing a letter and giving it to my parole officer. >> that was the only way that you could contact us? >> yes. >> it's to protect you all, like, is how they look at it in the justice system. >> i wasn't aware of that. i had no idea. >> i think it's time to introduce ashlee to the circle. and karen or david, would you mind bringing her and asking her to join the circle with us? >> i don't mind. >> thank you. >> okay, babe. they're ready for you. ready? ♪ you good?

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you look great girl. >> i want to welcome you to this dialogue. she is going to introduce herself to you right now. >> hey, ashley, i'm calin. >> do you know who she is? >> she said i know who she is. >> how?

>> i was on the right track, doing nothing wrong. and made the decision to drink. her decision for the rest of her life. >> i don't know what you have to say to me. >> so what i was going to suggest is the letter that you sent to ashley. we didn't open it. >> we didn't open it. >> dear ashley, i am writing to apologize for all the suffering, pain, and impact that my actions

have had on you and your family's lives. not only over the past ten years but for years to come. there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of you or wonder what i would say if i ever had the chance to meet you face to face. you are always so positive and high spirited. that inspired me to pick myself up out of the hell that i had sec secummed to. i was someone in the past that i'm not proud of. i can never give you back what can been stolen from you due to my carelessness. all i know to do is to share our story and try to help as many people as i can possibly can. i can't even express to you how sorry i am for what i did.

>> thank you. >> ashley, i have a question. can you tell me what it feels like to be here sitting across from calin? >> relief. >> a relief. >> she said you're pretty. >> thank you. >> today is really the first really large step that you have taken together as five people who are directly impacted by 15 minutes that changed your lives and the fact that you all said we'll do this is a step toward making it not different, the out come won't change and it won't erase the past, but it will be one step forward.

>> you're right. >> finishing your sentences now too. >> you might have to end up being a facilitator in me. because you bring out the best in people. >> he's going to hawaii. >> yeah, but we'll see what comes out of this, i'll let you know. >> forget this place. can i give you a hug? is that okay? >> it's up to you ash. >> you give good hugs. >> she does. she's a strong, strong hugger. >> you're welcome.

>> she said have a good life. >> it was nice meeting you. >> bye, ashley. >> thank you for that. thank you. always so easy to be mad and angry and it's so much tougher to be open and honest. and like you said, it doesn't fix it. i can see that hurt still in your eyes, you know. >> yeah. >> well, i thought that -- i thought your letter was very touching. i really did. but i mean, it's not -- it

doesn't fix her. this is, you know -- so. >> ashley wakes up tomorrow morning in the same body. and yet, there's still some healing possible when at least there's acknowledgment. watching the full range of emotions from the family, it blows me mind how people still find joy, they still find humor, they still find some way to find hope. and that really came through this time.

>> this week i'm in tacoma washington and i'm talking to white people that want to end white supremacy and hashtaging it. they're protesting a nazi owned tattoo shop. allegedly a nazi owned tattoo