test because whether you think you're bias or not, racism is part of your life with or without knowing it. if we measure it, hopefully we did dismantle it. there is a chance you'll end up in a video or ask for people that don't deserve it or worse, getting someone killed because we ain't all jared steven leony. ♪ ♪ on the next united shades of ameri america, are black people discriminated against on ski slopes? i'm in salt lake about how it's

all going. are black people discriminated against at ski slopes? next season. i'm going to find out. look, we all have to admit that on the surface, many cities are basically the same. we like to think that chicago and new york are very different, to a martian, they are just tall buildings, yelling and pizza. chicago pizza is better though. i like cities that are truly different. salt lake city, utah. a mountain paradise, the big thing that separates it, it's

the headquarters of one of world's major religions. say it with me. mormonism. who said scientology? mormonism, as lie like to be called, the church of jesus christ of latter day saints, or lds. for short is under the enbrel laugh oc -- umbrella of christianity. >> i realize it's different. >> you can feel fun to make fun of it with no repercussions. you can make fun of it. the thinking that salt lake city is lds city is not correct anymore. good tech jobs have people moving there to be a part of the silicon slopes. the skiing attracts all kinds of people to relocate there.

>> i'm skiing! yeah. whoa! >> and let's not forget the foot loose effect. the religion that is restrictive does two things. it creates a counterculture and it makes members that who are the not fit in the religion to leave the religion. and a sizable lgbtq community. what it's lake to be lgbtq in slc. we got mormons, nonmormons, ex-mormons and this is not meant to be a deep dive on lds. and dispute two misconceptions. the lds church was founded in the 1920s. the religion was based on him saying he met jesus and god in a forest and they told him that all the existing religions got it wrong.

he found plates that he translated into the book of mormon. and the church moved around to a place where they couldn't be oppressed for they beliefs, including polygamy. and that valley became salt lake city. the church is led by a president who they believe is a prophet. currently, russell m. nelson would talk to us. none of the community will talk to us. they are concerned about how they are conceived. and the underwear is called sacred garment, and many of you were taught that a bush caught fire and started talking. one thing that lds does have in common with other religions, it does not the have a great relationship with the lgbtq community. church leaders told their members to do all you can by donating your means to tide to keep same-sex marriage illegal.

so i donated my time to try to stop them from stopping people from getting married. that hasn't stopped lgbtq people from living here. and i think of someone who is on the surface that is less salt lake city. once you're at the door, you know restaurant is friendly to everybody. >> i feel welcome already. >> hi, how are you? >> this is the owner. sorry, fellas.

he's married. not just kind of married. like history books married. >> the couple a the center of the landmark legal case that led to same-sex marriage in utah tied the knot today. >> i now declare them husband and husband. >> not spending time in salt lake city, my brain would not have guessed this would have been here. >> we are currently on harvey milk boulevard. it was renamed two years ago in salt lake city. >> i never thought in salt lake city. >> we have a lesbian mayor. my husband just got elected to the state senate. >> i feel that message is not spread across the country. >> no. utah is seen as a religious state. but the queer culture here is amazing. >> so tell me about the circumstances that you ended up here in salt lake city. >> there was a war between hezbollah and israel in 2006 and i was evacuated here by the u.s.

embassy. >> how did it feel? >> it felt scary because i was 18 and i had been here two years and i thought, america's going to be the place i will go and be gay. i will be out. i will be gay. i will live my life and i was so excited to come here. i fell like a place where i can be free. and that is what you hear as a kid. a country where you can be free, you can be yourself. anything goes. blah, blah, blah and not so most of the time. and i still was able to be out without fearing for my life. that is amazing. >> you came here, i want to go to america to become gay. not only gay, but importantly

game. >> defiantly enough. >> i want to be legally gay. >> yeah. >> and it didn't just make marriage legal in utah. >> in five states. under the tenth circuit court. which is just incredible. >> that gives you a spot in history, right? >> i suppose so. >> i hope you are hungry. >> i am. i knew i was coming today so i didn't heat. >> thank you so much. we shot a show can with fieri a couple weeks ago. >> this is guy fieri approved? >> it is. >> this is really good. guy fieri knows what he is talking about. that is not a sentence i said before. so good job, guy. >> "united shades of america" brought to you by -- (paul) great. another wireless ad.

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not all mormons in salt lake city struggle with how to accept difference. this is a polynesian dance group and thanks to my wife's phd in dance, i can tell you that is not a move in dance. this is features gay and black and latin performers. don't be surprised to see polynesians in utah. one of the tenants of the lds faith requiring them to travel and recruit. they believe they were polynesians mentioned in the book of mormon who some say sailed. and now utah has the highest per capita of polynesians in the u.s. people are saying it's people dancing.

what's the big deal snnchs we want to uphold the traditions of culture. we don't live there. we live here. >> are you mormon? >> i group, but i'm not active. we separate it. we separate church and state. >> church and dance. >> the state is utah. dance is our church and we separate it. >> one thing we learned, there a pretty large lgbtq community here. >> we have a very developmented lgbtq plus community. >> most of you know about lgbtq. the state is utah, the dance is our church and we separate it. >> there is a pretty large lgbtq community here. >> yes, we have a very developed lgbtq plus community. >> i like the plus. i hadn't heard the plus. >> all right. let's do something we should have done a long time ago. let's talk about the letter. host of you know about lgbt.

l for lesbian, guy for gay, b for bisexual and t for chance kwen gender and q is for queer and i for interested and two for two spirit american tribes d, demi sexual, gt gender another question for questioning and much, much more but since this list features lots of different people and perspective and lots of preferred ways to be identified, the umbrella material is lgbtq plus. they all exist out of the normative culture. pause if you need to google. >> i run the ball room community here. not ball room but it's a ball. the ball culture. >> there is a ball culture.

>> yeah, we have battles of whacking and voguing. and they compete with balls. >> i associate that with hard core lgbtq culture. the thing about that here -- >> that is what i love about salt lake. we exposed enough to have the information but we are bubbled not now have not be oversaturated. we just do things our way. we don't ask permission. >> this is shawn, you might remember a few seconds ago. a drag performer. >> we have a great drag community. >> what is that? >> the qt pop. >> oh, qt pop. >> i like getting the new lingo. >> do you have a drag name? >> i used to go with aeriala pizza.

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[ slurps ] gwho's a good boy? it's me. me, me, me. hey guys! you're gonna want to get in on this. i know how to those guys in here. let's pause the internet on their devices. wohhh? huhhhh? [ grumbling ] all: sausages! mmm, mmmm. bon appetite. make time for what matters. pause your wifi with xfinity xfi and see the secret life of pets 2 in theaters. and now we take to a senior apostle of the lds church. >> our knowledge of god's reveal plan of salivation requires us to oppose current social and legal pressures to retreat from

traditional marriage and make changes that confuse or alter gender or homogenize the differences between men and women and satan seeks to confuse gender, to distort marriage and to discourage child bearing. >> oh, boy. >> a mormon will tell with you a smile on your face what you are doing is wrong, and you will go to hell but that's your thing. >> you want to go to hell, you will go to hell. >> this is a barista here. >> my girlfriend, she's a lesbian, and i'm trans. and i was like r they going to quick me out? and this coffee shop is one of the best openly place. we have a trans flag and a gay pride flag. >> i feel safe here.

a gendered man and black guy. >> it's funny, a black guy can go in there and i can go in there. you know what i mean? and lds is like all major religions. they still have lgbtq plus. they are fine with the members. they don't want them to act lgbtq plus. >> my name is ricardo. i'm a mormon. i am a father of six children and i am attracted to men. the attractions are are not going to go away. they will be there my whole life but i don't feel i'm losing anything in my life. >> okay, not every gay person wants to partner up in a mixed

orientation marriage. and it comes through early age and there are are alarmingly high rates of teen suicide in utah. the rate tripled from 2007 to 2016. many believe the church's rejection to the lbtq members and pln are thinking the members has been a significant factor in the numbers. when your home church stops being your home, what do you do? someone is working on new homes. this is the in circle house. you might not think a rock star like this -- ♪ you make me a believer >> would be determined to make changes in the church. but imagine dragons' dan reynolds is doing just that. tell me about this house right here.

>> this is second house put up for lgbtq youth who are primarily raised in mormonism or orthodox faith and they don't have a place that feels safe for them. if they did, this is one more place that feels safe. >> dan and the cfo of in circle feel committed to creates a safe place for lgbtq youth of all types. >> up stairs is therapy. they are three times more likely to attempt suicide than any other youth. >> and the number one reason for death for teenagers in utah. >> in the state. >> and lgbtq youth are eight times for likely to commit suicide. you put the statistics together, and really at-risk group. but the rad thing that circle is doing, it's bringing people together. mormons are good people.

they are not people looking to be bigoted, they are really good hearted human binges. i am not just saying that because i am mormon and i was raised mormon. >> he is creates a music festival. it's called love loud that celebrates the lgbtq plus community and puts pressure on the church to accept them and love them. dan has also released a documentary, "believer" that deals with teen suicide in the mormon lbtq plus community. >> it would have been easy for to you step away from the mormon faith. you can step aside. >> and mormons will be like he used to be a mormon. >> and mormons will be like, oh, he is used to be christina aguilera, they have like, i think she was born -- one of her uncles was mormon. it's how black people do with blacks. he has a black uncle. so he's one of us. >> there are a lot of things i

love. it's part of my culture. and two, i know that mormons will only listen if it's coming from one of their own. and shut the door really quick. you don't understand me, it's the world out there and bolt it. but when someone's on the inside saying we can do better about this, we're like, you're one of us? you know. >> when did you realize that you had issues with how the mormon faith approached the lgbtq community? >> middle school. it was the first time that one of my close friends i met was gay. i noticed a lot of kids calling him that kid's gay and saying a lot of mean, slang terms. and i don't know what it meant until i asked people, and then i thought, what's wrong with that? and i asked my church leaders and they said, that's a sin. and i said, huh? just because he was born to like and love this person?

why? why is that not okay but i still believed in my faith. so it was this conflicting thing to me. >> i feels every major religion that i can think of, it's still dealing with -- it's not unique to mormonism. >> that is a really good point. and the thing is, mormons are primed and ready to be the leader of the orthodox community that makes the change. let me tell you why. they believe there is a prophet on the earth today that speaks to god and god speaks to the current times. >> i didn't realize that. there is not a sense of what happens in the past has to be the past. >> yeah, a lot of churches are are like, we can't rewrite the scriptures. and mormonism is like, we write the scriptures. just the other day for instance. and mormons have three hour church. and recently, he got up and said church should only be two hours. and i got the -- my phone was blown up. church is only two hours.

every mormon was like oh, church is only two hours. are you going to come back to church? we get so much of sunday back. >> that's funny. i didn't realize that. modern day revelation. >> the prophet has to really face and it go talk to god. i have a sneaky suspicion that god believes in love. >> a sneaky suspicion that god believes in love! ♪ of savings and service.

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hanging out with a legit rock star with dan reynolds has been great. that is enough of two straight dudes talking. and this is keenan and nathan. 19 and 20. >> am i the only nonmormon here now? >> nope. >> let's talk about that. >> i fell away from church after i got a lot of backlash from my parents. before even coming out and that just hurt me. and i pushed me away. i respect my parents and their religion. i just can't follow it the same way. >> do you still live with your parents? >> no, i moved out two months ago. >> fairly recently. what about you? >> church was my own personal hell.

whether it was someone at the pulpit who said something that made me feel uncomfortable or unwanted. it could have been myself. >> your own personal hell. that a lot. >> and the place is supposed to lead to you heaven. >> ha is supposed to be the opposite of that. talk about your relationship to the church. >> i'm a convert of the church. i wasn't born in the church. i had lds friends and i converted. >> when you were investigating the mormon faith, were you out? were you aware that you are gay? >> i'm not gay. >> i'm sorry. >> no, i identify as straight but i'm intersex. i was born with certain parts and pieces. but it's interesting. because a lot of people think that intersex and transgender

individuals are the same. and they're not. i have gotten a lot of flack, my ordnances. and the church, what's called annulled. the way they put it, the difference between excommunication, it's a disciplinary action for something you have done wrong. we are going to annul your baptism and stuff. as if you never existed. it's been really hurtful because some people can't wrap their mind around the fact they can't wrap their mind around it. i don't agree with mountains and it's like -- well, the mountains are there. they are always been there, whether you agree with them or not. >> what do you think about your religion? >> i want to be in the church for my family. i was sat down.

we heard that you're gay and they heard this other thing. they didn't want to say transgender. they just said, that other thing. >> do you have friends who are going the mormon route of obtaining from sex or celibacy or dating people like traditional relationships? >> yeah, i respect their choice and i respect them. but despite that, when you're told, we want you here. there's a place for you if you don't marry who you are attracted to, if you are celibate. i think it's a lonely thing to be asked to do and i really empathize with them. i thought that would be my life as well. i thought i would live my life alone. i don't think it's fair to ask a woman to marry me, that relationship wouldn't be as

fulfilling as i could be. for a long time, i thought i would be alone. >> have you struggled with depression and thoughts and do you know people who struggle with those things? >> i have. and a large majority of my friends have. i lost people this year and it sucks. sorry to get dark. but it's not fun. >> no i think it's important for people to hear this. what about you two? >> yeah, i dealt we depression and anxiety. i have been in inpatient services. and people are surprised when i tell them, i tried to commit suicide before. and you are always friendly and wanting to help.

and you always have a smile. depression doesn't look like a dark cloud. just because someone is high functioning doesn't mean they are not dealing with suicide ideation. >> i think a lot of people are in a position, where we wanted to stay. it wasn't something that we wanted to leave. but it did cause a lot of depression and anxiety for me. which is unfortunate. because i think it could be a place that is uplifting for everyone. >> yeah, religion is supposed to rescue you or help support new moments of need and vulnerability. the not supposed to create more -- >> they don't -- >> i feel heat coming off -- what are you think hearing all this? >> the reason we are having this conversation is because it does affect so many of them. it's easy for them all to say, no, this is it. this is what i've been taught. they don't have one of their children who has come out to them. things have to change. they just have to change. it's so not healthy, not the fair.

i just wish that everybody could be -- take the time to just listen. >> what is it like to have -- let's pretend he's not here. a person like this who is out in the world mormon of fame and fortune and popularity talking about the church in public? >> i think it's brave. you're brave. >> not as brave as you. that's for sure. >> it makes me cry sometimes. it's -- i appreciate it. like, seeing that and i could listen to your music in my house. because my parents are like, he's mormon. yeah, he is. he also likes the gays. >> got 'em!

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so while the city is changing, obviously the church isn't. so some families are stepping up and figuring it out for themselves. this is max and his mom lindsey. max was one of the first minors in utah to get his gender changed on his birth certificate. did you grow up in the church? >> yeah.

we had our records removed like two years ago. >> when what is in your records? >> when you are baptized. when your baby is blessed, that creates a paper trail within the church. if i null that out, i no longer have that on my record forever. >> so it's on you now, you have save yourself. >> no more ticket to heaven. >> our family that is still in, that is painful for them. >> wow. in many religions, when you are married, it's till death do us part. not n -- in the lds faith. a fundamental part is that your soul, including your gender, was created before you were born and continues together with your family for eternity and this is a major reason the church doesn't accept people who change their gender identity. at what point did you realize there was a disconnect with your identity? >> starting in the 9th grade,

feeling what is going on? >> you were a ninth grader. >> yeah, and things were not normal. >> i can't even imagine how confusing it must have been. >> yeah, it's like stumbling around a dark room. yeah. >> so how did that process work when you realize -- whatever this quote unquote normal thing was, i'm not? >> i didn't have a word for it. which made it so much more difficult to realize that i was trans because that -- i mean, you have to know what the word is to know that exists. i had no idea that was a possibility. i had an inkling that trans women were a thing. but i didn't know that trans men existed. i didn't know what it was feeling. that was really hard. i looked up a tutorial. i think the google search was how to make my chest flat. i got results all from trans

men. and they used the word dysmorphia, which i had never heard before. and it was my entire body and i figured without trans people were. >> and google is like, welcome. you're in the right place. we have all the information you need. maybe more than you want. >> yeah, a little bit. yeah. >> you're deep in now. >> yeah, i was definitely overwhelming at first. >> what does the word disphoria mean? >> the anxiety and dread that fills if you are the grown up. it's acute discomfort from things an about your body. but it's things that not right and it's playing over and over in your mind. >> what do you think of this? >> it seared in my head how poorly i had handled it the first time he came out. i didn't have a context for it. >> i tried to come out nonbinary.

that didn't work out well. >> and he is asked to go by they/them. and the grammar person in my head is that is a plural and this is not happening. and that is pretty much how it went down. and there started to be conversations. >> who initiated the conversation? >> kind of me. i found a short film online. a french short film and i was like, i can't say these words but maybe i can get someone else to say the words. so i showed my mom the short film. >> did you say, i want to you watch a film about this and it applies to me. or just watch the film for no reason. >> i was like, hey, mom, watch this. started it with no introduction like look at this. >> i think at the end of it i stammered out are you telling me you're a boy? you want to be a boy? and he couldn't even look at me.

i just remember his head was down on the counter. he wasn't talking and he just said, my chest makes me really uncomfortable. and i have been doing research and i would really like a chest binder and i said, okay. >> wow, in that moment. >> it's far too point. >> he sent me the link. i ordered them that night. >> that night? >> yeah. >> this is some "a" plus momming right here. it's not give me a night to think about it. let me talk to my friends. let me do some research online. >> it was really intimidating and a scary period of time when after he came out on, i was stuck. i was stuck. >> yeah. >> and momma dragons was my lifeline. i took max to a trans youth support group and we walked in

the door and max walks off to his group, he's been there before and there is this mom and she sees this look in my eye and she's like oh, come here. you need me right now and she just wraps me up in a big hug and she's like let's go in this room and i lose it. like, all of the emotion of just trying to just hold it together. >> momma dragons is a group of moms, some mormon or formally mormon fighting for their lgbtq plus children. started on facebook in 2014, mama dragons now has 2800 members that provide emotional and educational help for one another as they deal with their lgbtq children and the world. >> the momma dragons have been such a great research for me. there are moms that have been through this. and support each other and that was my moment where i was able

to open up to we're doing this. we. our family is doing this. >> what do you think of all that? >> well, i teared up a little bit because i remember that day on the drive home, just sitting there and being like, oh, wow. this can actually happen. like i can actually do this. and that was a really good day. i honestly don't know if i would be here without brooke, the mom that showed my mom help. that is scary to me but i am grateful there are people like that out there. >> there is a lot of gratitude for this mom here. >> yeah, oh, yeah, that goes without saying. >> yeah, goes without saying. >> as a fellow parent, i'm like, brooke's great and all but.

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now all you have to do is move...that thing. [ sigh ] introducing an easier way to move with xfinity. it's just another way we're working to make your life simple, easy, awesome. go to xfinity.com/moving to get started. ♪ after talking to max i wanted to take him to meet my friends kent and mckay scadlock. >> hi. good to see you. they are a father and son i met when we were shooting an episode in seattle. sorry, guys, you didn't make the cut in that one, but welcome back. they grew up in salt lake city as members of the lds church, and their story shows how complicated all this can get. now that we're sitting indoors and warm, tell us about your experience being here in utah. >> i was pretty much born and

raised here. i grew up in the lds or mormon faith. i was outed to my father by my bishop when i was 17 because i got ratted out by a kid i had sexual relations with in high school and he was getting ready to go on a mormon mission so he spilled his guts and named names so i got outed to my father, which was humiliating and quite scary. and so when it came time for me to go on a mission, i had to go through the whole church confession thing. at that point in time, their theory was, go on a mission, come home, get married, it will go away. >> wow. >> yeah. >> it will go away. >> it will go away, yeah. >> just on its own? >> yeah. >> it will just sort of leave your body? >> yeah. go on a mission, come home, get married, have kids, you'll be fine. >> my friend was told the exact same thing recently, too. >> they are still saying that. >> yeah, they were like just don't worry about it right now. it will fix it. just keep going with the church. >> really?

>> yeah. >> so, obviously i came home from my mission, got married, went to school, had three kids, thought i was doing the right thing, the whole time knowing i wasn't changed the way they said it would happen, and then i got to a point in my life, eight or nine years into my marriage, i felt like i had to tell my wife at that point. which i came out to her then. we stayed together because we had three kids together. after another 13 years after that, i just got tired of being -- living this duplicitous life because i was. i wasn't being true to myself. so i just, you know, i thought i was going to have to have this big reveal with my closest friends, and they were like why didn't you do this ten years ago when we all knew? do you know what i mean? so i came out, but he had already come out in the process. [ laughter ] >> so my son came over before i did. >> that's awesome.

>> also got to be confusing. >> it was -- so i realized that he was gay in my mid teens. >> this is so weird. >> and i had known since i was 6 years old, but i thought everybody was gay and suffered from same-sex attraction and you just had to suppress it to be a good -- to be a good religious follower. >> yeah. >> and i suppressed so much emotion up until i was 19 that once i turned 19, i hit the drugs and alcohol -- >> oh, yeah. >> -- super, super hard. >> yeah. i mean, both of you are talking about when your identity is not accepted, that there is depression and a high rate of suicide and those things. you know what i mean? because society is judging you. >> well, i went through a period where i drank real heavily and there was depression, and even prior to coming out, i was to the point where, unfortunately, and if i told you i hadn't considered suicide more than once, i'd be lying because i

did. i thought this might be easier than going through it. the only person i was outed to at 17 was my father. my dad and i were super close up until that point. that drove a wedge between my father and me and that lasted until i was in my 40s, until i found out that my dad never -- i thought my dad shared all that information. my dad kept that a secret until i confronted him with my therapist at age 44. and i wasted all those years having this resentment towards my dad, who i loved and adored and it's hard -- and that hurts. that's a regret. sorry. >> don't be sorry, don't be sorry. i'm sorry to bring this up. >> no, it's my story and i'm happy to share it. >> well, i think it's -- >> i just hope nobody else has

to experience it. >> well, i think that's the important thing -- i was talking to max at his house with his mom. by the way, max has the greatest mom ever, but it's important to share these stories because there is somebody watching right now, that may be a kid, may be older, may be in a relationship that they shouldn't be in, trying to pretend to be somebody they are not watching this saying there is a way through this. i don't have to do this. it couldn't be more important. there is three generations here of identity acceptance. >> yeah. >> my last question is why stay here? i know it's gotten better, but you know it's really good in san francisco. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> because there are really good people here, and, you know, when it comes to the lds faith, i don't really regret growing up in the church, only because i shed a positive light, like, the values that i was taught here and the values that a lot of people here have, you know, when it comes to being honest, true,

chase, benevolent and virtuous to your common man, which is a very common mormon saying, i don't think i would be that person i am today if i wasn't raised in that environment. at the end of the day, salt lake city's home for me. ♪ >> to the lgbtq plus folks out there, you exist, you matter, you're here, you're queer, and the rest of us need to get used to it. and the mormons that aren't used to it, let's be clear, this episode is not meant to be an attack on your faith, it's an invitation for you to keep updating the operating system. if you can get two-hour services

and 86 polygamy, you can accept the lgbtq plus community for who they are. it's the right thing to do because people's lives depend on it. don't listen to me, listen to one of your own when he says. >> i have a sneaky suspicion that god believes in love. being the victim of a violent crime, i went down a real dark path. >> i wanted to go there to murder someone. >> he pointed a pistol at me and shot me twice. no one can go through that without being scarred. >> i wanted that badge. it was like -- i wanted people to fear me. >> you're going to be sitting across from the guy who tried to take your life, who killed your friend. >> if you expect me to forgive you, you have to come to a place in your life where you're honest about what you did. >> i'm not asking for his forgiveness.