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i was always different. i had always this thing inside me i was going somewhere different. >> diana was a trailblazer. she found her voice, and i think that's why we continue to care. >> she had this courage ingrained within her. >> pre-diana there was zilch interest in the royal family. along comes diana, and boom, it all changes. >> she was iconic. she was box office. >> are you going to dance with the princess tonight? >> she'd like me to. >> it was like having a rock star join the family. >> there was a kind of sense of an impostor syndrome. >> i was a very young girl.

>> you see this vulnerability but also this strength. >> she was very keen to make sure william and harry understood there was a life beyond palace rules. >> she wanted to help people who were marginalized because as she said to me i'm one of them. >> they were two needy people, and they both needed what the other was unable to give them. >> there was a tremendous hope in me which was smashed. >> any marriage prince charles might have made could not have been as strong as the relationship he had with camilla. >> i was troubled. i hated myself so much. >> looking back you can see a pattern. throughout her life. >> isn't it normal to feel angry and want to change the situation? >> every single story had been denied by the palace. >> i don't think anybody in our time has grown up in public like

diana has. >> i never anticipated i'd end up in the history books. >> the unique, the complex, the extraordinary and irreplaceable diana. >> i was able to recognize a determination to survive. people are seeing this very much as a state occasion but weddings are personally family things as well. have you been able to put small, personal touches that would make it very much your day? >> have you been able to put any small personal touches? >> i think by inviting ones friends and all the people that have helped us. >> very first time i actually met lady diana spencer was in buckingham palace in the week before her wedding.

>> must have been enormous fun, actually, putting together a guest list. >> well, i don't know. it has been quite difficult on my side, anyway. >> in that interview it's really the first time the world heard diana speak. looking back on that it's -- not only is it awkward, but they don't seem to really know each other. they don't necessarily know how to answer, and you're thinking this is just a few days before your wedding. >> i find it really painful watching the interview because what diana actually did was go into the idea of marriage as a total innocent. >> in my immaturity which is enormous i thought he was very much in love with me, but it wasn't the genuine sorts. >> and for diana to have a

fantasy of going into a fairy tale wedding and then it all working out just great, you hit reality with a bump. >> you're going to have time for the private life, for making a home and running a home sort of thing that young married couples do? are you looking forward to making a home, for example? >> oh, yes, very much so. looking forward to being a good wife. i have to say you're just sitting there. >> after we did the interview there was a moment when one of the courtiers came. there was something more to diana, something that was not the marshmallow or the play-doh that was going to be molded into what they wanted. running through all of it was a

backbone and knowledge of her own self. >> and you see this vulnerability of diana but also this strength. but you have to ask the question -- where does this come from? and you only have to just go back and look at diana's childhood to find the answer. ♪ >> diana was born in norfolk in the east of england. >> it was at that time still with one foot in the 1950s. >> it's wealthy. wealthy landowners. there is a slight feeling that it's one removed from the rest of the country. >> it has this no remember

enormous cache as having royalty associated with norfolk. it's where the queen spends christmas with her family. it's where they go hunting and shooting and picnicking. >> you could always smell trees. i loved that. >> diana had a quiet, country life. >> you look at those early pictures and you see a country girl, you know, in her wellies. >> she's swimming in the family swimming pool. she's on bicycles. all seems to be very happy and well. but behind closed doors it was not a happy house.

diana's father was johnny -- this man who would be earl spencer. and francis, diane's mother, had a difficult time with johnny. >> for women of diana's mothers generation or any of her harsh friends, you're supposed to keep popping out male children. >> when i married my husband i discovered this new word called premugenitor. what it means basically is that the first-born son inherits everything within these aristocratic families. can you even imagine trying to divide an estate into eight different parts? >> francis knew that johnny needed an heir. she produced two daughters, sarah and jane. finally francis gave birth to a little boy, john.

>> it's incredibly sad. he lived for barely hours before he died of a lung condition. >> there was not just the grief of losing a child but the grief of losing this child that her husband so badly wanted. >> 18 months later after the death of his precious little boy, diana was born, third girl. >> i couldn't understand why. which later years i perceived was being part of the son. both were crazy to have a son and heir, and then comes a third daughter. what a ball, we're going to have

to try again. so i recognized it. >> diana's growing up with feeling she has already disappointed her parents because she wasn't the right sex. i didn't give my parents what they wanted. i'm not good enough. but diana was determined to prove everybody wrong. she was thinking you can be anything you want to be, you can do anything you want to do as long as you put your mind to it. with clean, fresh ingredients, panera's new chicken sausage and pepperoni flatbread is a mouthwatering explosion of yes. craft? yes!

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after diana, another three years and then a boy was born. johnny orthrope finally had his son and heir, little boy charles. >> once francis has given birth to the son and heir, she's fulfilled her contract. she has done what she was meant to do. >> she began to plot an escape route for herself. she felt that she and her children would be safer out of the home. >> there were terrible arguments in the household. >> i remember seeing my father slap my mother across the face. and i was hiding behind the door

and she was crying. >> in september 1967 that francis, diana's mother finally told her husband, johnny, that the marriage was over and she was leaving. >> and then to have your mother just gone, she left. nobody explains to you what happened that makes any sense because that's not what that family does. all that she knows is there goes mommy and she didn't come back. >> the support system for diana has walked out and never really to be seen again. >> i hated the dark. i had an obsession about the dark. i used to hear my brother cry in his bed on the other end of the house, crying for my mother. >> she didn't understand that her mother had wanted her, had hoped to take care with her. she'd hoped to take all of her

children with her. >> diana's own mother in a very unhappy marriage left for very good reasons and was shunned in society. >> diana's grandmother who was a terrible snob, was appalled that her daughter should have left the earl. and as a result she gave evidence in the custody proceedings against her own daughter. she called her a bad mother. custody did go to johnny. so francis having planned to keep all four of her children and to remove them from this abusive household had lost them. >> because of what happened to diana at such a young age and watching her own mother lose her children, this fear of losing children would have played on

diana until her death. ♪ >> after a succession of nannies, diana was finally packed off to a girl's boarding school called riddlesworth. >> good morning, everyone. >> diana was brought back by the sho choefer and not by her dad or mother. i can't imagine what it must have been like. >> i remember doors, desks going down, windows being shut all the time. very poignant, very much there. >> diana wanted to be loved.

she wanted wholesome family-type love. when she was a very little girl she didn't have control. she didn't have power. she must have felt that she was always struggling to find her place. >> the boy who was born to be king. charles may well occupy the well-worn desk once used by his father. >> diana and charles grew up in pretty much the same world. >> yes, there's a 12-year gap between the two of them, but they were both sent to boarding school age 9. it's full on, and it's hard and it's strict. who's nurturing them? who's looking after them? when charles was sent to

boarding school he was so homesick that he was seen weeping. and the only comfort he had was his teddy bear. >> teachers had no mercy for him because they're like you've got the wealthiest family in the world, i'm supposed to feel sorry for you? sit down and shut up. >> i think i know him well enough to surmise it was grippingly awful. >> charles was a victim of a very unhappy childhood. and diana was a victim of her own desperately unhappy childhood. they were two needy people, and they both needed what the other was unable to give them. ♪ darling, i, i can't get enough of your love babe♪

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prince charles, a future king of england becomes a college freshman. the heir to the throne looks like his mother and walks like his father. >> while diana was still at school, charles goes off to university. he's going out, working, meeting people. charles enjoyed his time at university, first little taste of independence. and he hadn't had much of that. though, for me looking back at the pictures of him, he doesn't

look like your typical student, does he? with his suit and his tie, his bicycle imacletly turned out. >> do you have any thoughts about a lady that the prince of whales should marry. >> i suppose it's difficult because you've got to remember when you marry in my position you're going to marry somebody who perhaps one day is going to become queen. and you've got to choose somebody very carefully i think. >> part of duty is ensuring you make the right marriage, one that will last, one that will produce an heir and a spare because that is what is expected of you as a member of the royal family. >> charles was a very complex man. he didn't feel entirely loved or appreciated by his parents. he felt he could never please them, he could never win their

approval. >> everyone bows or courtesies to the queen even her own children and grandchildren when they first see her and in the course of the day will call her, your majesty, good morning your majesty. >> there's a wall. there's a boundary. the kiss that is from one cheek to the other but it's quite a cold kiss, there's not a whole lot of warmth. >> despite their surface differences, young diana and young charles are actually pretty united. the desire to feel safe, the desire to control your environment, the desire to be in a solid structure. all of that goes back to imperfect parents, unmaternal mothers, distant fathers and the feeling of being an unwanted

child. >> in 1975 diana's grandfather dies, and therefore her father becomes the earl. they had to move to -- in north hampton, been in the family for hundreds of years. >> it's a truly exquisite house. it has 13,000 acres of woodland and parkland. it has 90 rooms. >> having been the honorable diana spencer she was suddenly lady diana spencer. she skipped along the corridors shouting, i'm now lady diana. >> she was someone to be reckoned with. the spencers go back an awful long way. they were rich enough back in the 1600s to lend money to the monarchy. >> another tick in the box to say, right, i'm now officially a part of this aristocratic world.

i'm one of you. i have the title and my father has the house. >> and then diana was sent to another school called west heath. it was a safe and a cozy environment for diana. it is where her two older sisters sarah and jane had gone to school. ♪ >> here in the ballet class was somewhere she could shine. she enjoyed dancing. and anyone who has danced, if you do enjoy dancing, you're just lost in yourself. >> leaping about, absolutely amazing. great leaps and bounds. >> she did it every day.

>> it was quite a sight, wasn't it? >> yes, it was amazing. legs everywhere. >> part of diana's attractiveness of school is that she was athletic. she was gorgeous. she had a lot of vitality. so she may not have got top marks on her exam papers, but she got top marks on the playing fields. all the girls really like her. she wins best legs competition. she was able to get along with her friends. all she wanted was security and a feeling of being validated and appreciated. and that's something she sought constantly in her life. >> diana you have to remember had lived on a diet of romantic novels. she read voraciously, but she didn't read anything of much

substance. she had this romantic notion in her head she was going to marry her dashing prince like all the stories she'd read. >> she had like a schoolgirl crush on prince charles. i think she had a poster of him in her bedroom. >> at 15 diana was already beginning to project into the future and plan her life and her marriage. and she wanted somebody who would not leave her and not betray her. yes to clean and fresh ingredients! and yes to living life to the flavor-fullest. panera. live your yes. now $1 delivery.

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. while diana is still at school, charles who's 12 years older, he's in the navy. his nickname's action man, interpret that how you want, and he's having a lot of fun. >> all young princes seem to go into military service. and i think it's hugely liberating experience for them. they're there with the boys, all lads together. the womanizing and doing whatever. >> how did you find the prince

sph. >> oh, charming. >> you have your pick of a bevy of beauties. why don't you take advantage of it? and charles certainly did. women were flinging themselves at him . >> if you were younger would you consider him in that light? >> yes, i suppose. >> sabrina guinness and then it was the turn of ana wallace. all hopes of a match with a suitable foreign princess were revived and even princess norra was considered a candidate. >> diana's having a good time at boarding school. she's safely tucked away, and

then the life of prince charles actually begins to oeverlap wit that of diana in the most extraordinary way. she receives news that charles is dating her older sister, sarah. this is the moment that diana realizes that she's not that far away from the royal family. >> at school first day back they haven't seen each other for weeks and there was a lot of chatter before class. diana, tell me about the holidays. did you see charles and sarah? what happened? let me know all. because any young girl would have loved to have been his girlfriend. even more importantly his wife. >> in november 1977, diana's eldest sister, sarah, invited the prince of wales for a shoot

at althorpe. >> diana insists ongoing home. i don't think she wanted to steal charles from her sister, but i think she wanted to start rubbing shoulders with the absolute top level of english society at the time, and that's the royals. >> the night before there was a dinner, and that was the first time that she and charles noticeably met one another. >> my sister was all over him. clearly he must hate that and i kept out the way. >> i suspect when she met prince charles that weekend, she fell for him. she went back to west heath to her school and nurtured dreams about charles in the way that

any teenager nurtures dreams about a pop star. >> sarah spencer's relationship with prince charles came to a grinding halt in an interview with the press. she says she has no interest at all in marrying prince charles, but not only that but he was merely one of thousands of boyfriends. just giving an interview to the press was complete anathema to the royal family. you never do that. >> i think he was extremely aware that every woman we went out with, he had to be able to trust them. >> charles is quite tortured about the future. everyone's looking at him waiting for him to get married to continue the royal line. he knows he has to choose england's queen.

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in the summer of 1979 diana came into money. when she reached 18. and with it she bought herself a very nice flat in a very, very posh part of london in the royal borough of kensington and chelsea. and she invited some of her school friends to come and join her there. >> well, it was nice being with the girls. you love that.

>> diana had a girl squad of posh friends, and they lived in and played in what we call the tiaura triangle, basically the poshest parts of london. diana's youthful life, it's a circuit. it's a marriage market. and the young ladies have to put themselves in the range of eligible young men. polo parties, weekends away, shooting, hunting, fishing. >> in the aristocratic world, aristocrats only hang out with other aristocrats. the women born into these aristocratic families would play at having a job. it wasn't a career like i'm going to become a lawyer or a doctor. it was just, oh, i'm going to become a nanny or i'm going to

become a nursery schoolteacher. >> when diana came to me as a shy 18-year-old baby-sitter, she'd had very little world experience, none at all. and she was just wonderful with patrick. she sat on the floor with him and she was totally focused on him. she worked at a nursery school the day she was not working with me. one of her strongest characteristics was she was very tactile. she wanted to hug people, reach out and touch them. that basic, warm, trusting, loving, caring personality was always there. >> diana had this idea that she was cut out, destined if you like to be different, to be something a little bit special.

>> she becomes clear in her goals. diana would use a kind of soft power, very feminine power. she realized that despite not having overt drive, overt ambition, she had something else. >> in the '80s, still around aristocratic society and within the royal family as a woman you still wanted to be perceived as unblemished, as virgin, as, you know, not having a lot of gossip around you. >> there had been so many wonderful young women in charle's life at that point, but it was expected of charles to marry someone that came from a certain social strata, that ticked all the boxes. yes, she was expected to be a virgin. >> in july 1980 diana's life

begins to change dramatically. >> charles had been playing polo in sussex. >> diana receives this invitation, and she immediately packs her bags and goes. >> and charles was told that she was jolly, which meant she was a lot of fun. she'd make him laugh. she was cute. >> this was her opportunity at this house party when they were flung together. i think she seized that chance with both hands. >> diana looks in the mirror and says to herself remember you're a spencer. >> there was a barbecue on the night of the polo, and charles and diana were sitting together on a hay bale. and diana started to talk about the lord who died the year

before and to tell charles how sorry she had felt for him watching him at that moment. >> lord mount batten was prince charles' father's uncle, so he was a great-uncle. his death was devastating for prince charles. he's lost the one person in his life who was a real father figure to him, who would give him advice and whom he would actually listen to. >> and charles was so moved by this young woman, her empathy, her caringness. >> and for diana, charles was the sort of prince charming. she saw a sensitivity in him that charmed with her. >> he felt like a human being. she listens to him because he writes poetry and stuff. nobody wants to know that, but he tells her. he plays the cello. nobody wants to know that.

she cares about him as a person. >> having initially thought of diana as his girlfriend's little sister, he looked at her with new eyes. and that was the beginning of their relationship. >> she was young. she was beautiful. she was aristocratic, titled. she ticked a lot of boxes for a future king. >> they were chaperoned where they went, they website to the races. they did the routine things in his royal life in a very stayed and proper way. >> charles is pretty old-school. in the royal family you go along with protocol. >> charles used to bring me out and say would you like to come for a walk, would you like to come for barbecues and i would say yes, please.

i thought this was all wonderful. >> january 1981 diana is invited to princess margaret's 50th birthday party at the ritz. if you get invited to that you're in the family. that was her stamp of approval. >> can you imagine what diana is thinking? the future king is interested in me. we're meeting up at these super posh society parties. i'm being seen. i'm on his arm. >> and diana was still a virgin. and i have to say at this time by the 1980s there were very few aristocratic virgins around. it was the fairy tale come true. >> diana came into work bright and early monday morning, said

that she had something important to tell me. when you go out to work this morning you will see reporters and photographers at the end of the mews. they're actually out there for me. and i said good heavens, diana, what have you done. and she said i spent last weekend up at balmoral. and i said with prince andrew. and she said, no, actually it was prince charles. ♪but i like it, i love it♪ applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. (birds chirping) ♪ (upbeat music) ♪

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a campaign by mps to stop what they describe as press harassment against diana spencer -- >> the council's concern stem from scenes like this which occur daily as lady diana leaves her flat to go to the nursery school -- >> you can't overstate the role of the media in diana's royal life. she was a tantalizing target. >> from 1980-'81, she was thrown in the deep end. >> are you bearing up quite well? it must be quite a strain with all of us after you. >> well, it is, naturally. >> you seem to be doing very well. >> diana was straight out of central casting. she was young and blonde and gorgeous and intriguing. >> she was iconic. she sold newspapers. she was box office.

>> then it all started to build up. the press were being unbearable. following my every move. >> some reporters rented the room opposite her flat to look into her bedroom. they climbed drainpipes. they pretended to be deliverymen. every time she left the building, she was followed. she got into her car, they followed her on motorbikes and cars. life became intolerable for her. >> so is lady diana spencer, a 19-year-old kindergarten teacher, really the one? >> where have you all come from? >> australia. >> australian, what next, bloody hell.

>> the handsome prince won't let the storytellers, that's the press, have their happy ever after ending. at least not yet. >> at this point, charles' father wrote to his son and said, look, you've got to make your mind up about diana. you must either ask her to marry you or let her go, because you are going to damage her reputation. charles misinterpreted his father's words and thought it was an instruction to marry. >> given that charles' relationship to his own father was quite frosty, quite distant, very stilted, it's very bad luck that charles thinks that what his father is saying is, you better marry this lady quick. >> they had only met each other on 13 occasions before they got engaged. and on all of those occasions, there have been other people with them. it wasn't getting to know somebody in a real way that

couples normally do. there was very little intimacy. >> he sat me down. there was never anything tactile about him, extraordinary. i'd had a boyfriend but always kept them away. >> for diana, everything that happened with charles was her romantic fantasy of how people behaved. she didn't really know how people behaved when they were in love. and in a funny way, charles was as far removed from the real world as diana was. >> anyway, so he said, will you marry me? and he was deadly serious. so i said, yes. he said, i love you so much, i love you so much. and i said -- so he brought me upstairs, brought his mother

down, da da da. >> when diana says yes at windsor castle, she must have been feeling that i have made it, i'm the ultimate, right? but on the other hand, frightened, confused and bewildered. what have i just said yes to? >> 11:00 a.m., buckingham palace. the beginning of a day to remember for prince charles, lady diana, and a lot of other people, too. the long-awaited, m much-written-about engagement had happened. >> now you're about to marry the prince of wales, and one day you would in all likelihood be queen. it's a tremendous change for someone from 19 all of a sudden for transition. >> it is.

i've had a run up in the last six months. and charles and i can't go wrong. he's there with me. >> can you find the words to sum up how you feel today, both of you? >> just delighted and happy. and i'm amazed she's been brave enough to take me on. >> and, i suppose, in love? >> of course. >> whatever in love means. your interpretation. >> it means two very happy people. >> yes. >> congratulations. >> thank you very much, very kind. >> as a viewer, this was the most ghastly moment. >> being asked about love or his feelings in public was just completely and utterly alien to him.

this is a man who had grown up internalizing everything. in a very untactile family. he didn't want to answer the question. >> questions that diana was asking herself, what do i need to be for him, what does the royal family need from me, what do they want from me? but wait, what do i want for me as well? >> i felt deathly calm. deathly, deathly calm. i felt a lamb to the slaughter, and i knew it. here is the stuff of which fairytales of made. >> behind the scenes, a whole different story was playing out.

>> she wanted to show camilla that she was the prize. >> diana was taken and put into a gilded cage. >> diana was clearly going downhill. >> what your heart wants isn't the same as what the system wants for you. >> honor and keep him in sickness and in health so long as you both shall live? and a warm welcome to our viewers here in the united states and right around the world. i'm paula newton. ahead on "cnn newsroom," a diplomatic problem brewing. venezuela's apparent retaliation after president maduro's alleged money man was extradited to the united states to face charges. we now know the identity of the man accused of killing a british mp as police continue to investigate a possible extremist motivation behind the stabbing. and go where no mission has