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so, ask your doctor about adding preservision. and fill in a missing piece of your plan. like i did with preservision" ♪ inner voice (kombucha brewer): if i just stare at these payroll forms... my business' payroll taxes will calculate themselves. right? uhh...nope. intuit quickbooks helps you manage your payroll taxes, cheers! with 100% accurate tax calculations guaranteed. >> good evening and welcome to a special if you have out front. i'm erin burnett. tonight, a survivor's powerful story. for the first time, we're hearing from michigan state university professor, marco diaz, who was teaching his literature class when a gunman burst in and attacked

his classroom. the professor says the gunman fired 15 shots. in all, three students were killed. five others were injured. throughout this hour, you will hear what he saw that night and how he and his students are dealing with the horror they have lived in the lost they are suffering. it comes as we are learning to details about the shooter. according to police, he had a note listing more potential targets including two schools in new jersey. he added a serving amount of ammunition in his backpack including two 9 mm handguns, nine loaded magazines, and a package with 50 rounds of ammunition. i want to bring in miguel marquez who spoke to the professor in this grouping interview that we are going to share with you in full. as we begin tonight with the special coverage, have police found any connection between the shooter and the school? >> this is what is very frustrating to the professor and everyone on this campus. there is still no connection

that anyone has established between him, the school, this particular classroom. what played out that night, it just put ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances. >> halfway through the course on monday night. >> it was passed eight in the evening. >> what happened? >> all of a sudden, i was in the middle of introducing some topic and i heard or we all heard some explosion. i'm not familiar with the sound of gunshots. i've never been close to a gunshot other than what i associate it what i hear in a movie or -- they sounded more like an explosion like a generator had blown up or some electrical -- >> it was loud and, in other words? >> very, very loud! i did not associated with gunshots. there were one, two, three. it was three --

>> outside the classroom? >> outside the classroom. something started dawning on me. why would there be so many one following after the other? i started thinking that these might be gunshots. all of a sudden, this mask's individual with a hat that you could not identify our walks into the -- >> professor marco díaz-muñoz was teaching cuban cultural identity in class and 114 at msu's -- 45 students were in class. less than an hour remained. seconds after the shot in the hallway, anthony dwayne mccray opened one of two doors, never fully entering the classroom. >> at that moment, we all kind of froze. i think somebody said something about the shooter. a lot of them stood up. some of them froze in place. some of

them, i don't know if i screamed, find cover, go under the desks. a lot of them went under. there were curled up in a ball under their chairs. others ran. the guy stepped in about a foot inside the classroom, not completely, just like a foot. it was enough that i could see this figure. it was so horrible because when you see someone who is totally masked, you don't see their face, you don't see their hands. you don't see -- it was like seeing a robot. it was like seeing something not human standing there. all i could see was this silver kind of a steel shining weapon. i don't think

it was a pistol. i think it was something larger than that. i could hear the shots. there was just this loud one in the hallway. it was just a nightmare. i think everybody under adrenaline and did what they could. i don't know how long they stood there, he shot at least 15 shots. one after the other, one after the other, one after the other -- >> band, ban, then, when. police say mccray carry 29 millimeter semiautomatic handguns which could carry up to 15 rounds and he's magazine. police say he carried nine a load of magazines and had another 50 bullets in a small bag. did he seem to be aiming at anyone in particular or anything? >> i think that he was mostly aiming at the students in the back, but there were some students closer to me that he also got. at some point, when this is happening, it's like an eternity. you cannot tell how

long. he at least shot 15 times. >> police say mccray may have carried out the shooting because he felt slighted after local businesses had asked him to leave in the past. it's not clear why he targeted msu. the shooter went a long way to carry out this hideous acts from his home near lansing's old town to michigan state university in east lansing some five miles away. he killed two students and injured five others in the class of professor díaz-muñoz. he then went to the nearby student union and killed one more student. police say he then apparently walked nearly all the way back toward his home, another four miles or so, before killing himself just a few blocks away from his home. díaz-muñoz says when the

shooting stopped he did the only think he could think of, far the other door to the classroom so the shooter could not come back in. >> at that moment, i don't recall what i did between him starting to shoot and what i'm going to tell you just now. i just, my intuition told me he was walking down the hallway and he was going to enter through the door i'm closest to. i threw myself at that door. i squatted. i held the door like this so that my weight would keep it firm. i was putting my foot on the wall and holding it like this so that he could not open. all the time, i was aware that he could just shoot the door handle and open it. the only thing i thought i could do was that, at least attempt to stop it. that lasted for about ten minutes. it was an eternity, or 12 minutes. in the meantime, i told my students to just escape through the window. >> several students got out through the windows. others

stayed and began providing immediate care to the wounded. >> some kids that were very heroic. they were helping those who were wounded. some of them, i don't know much about what paramedics do or what you do in a situation like that, but my students knew what to do. they were trying to cover the wounds with their hands so they didn't bleed to death. i understood what they were trying to do. they were heroic because they could have escaped through the windows. they stayed and help their classmates. there was finally -- i saw them a by their uniforms. it was not the shooter. it was a policeman. i finally kind of let go of the door and then they opened the door. they asked me if i was the professor. i said yes. they came in. it was like maybe four or five policemen who came into the room with guns. at that

moment, i started checking to see what i could do for my students. >> it was then the true horror of the mass shooting came into full view. >> i've never seen so much blood. there were two girls that seemed to me were in the worst condition. before that, some people were saying, help me, help me, it hurts. there was this guy in the middle of one of the rows who was saying, i don't want to die. i can't breathe. there was a girl who was kind of stuck in the middle under her head, under one of the chairs. i could see them moving their mouths as if either asking for her, praying, saying something. their eyes opened. their hands were doing some kind of movement. someone turned. i don't remember if it was a paramedic, they are gone. >> all of this, the shooting itself, less than a minute. three promising lives gone, so

many others at msu, their lives changed forever. >> as you said, what it was happening, it felt like an eternity. it will never leave him or anyone else to watch someone die. miguel is -- so much of his conversation is ahead. the challenges that students faced when they were trying to escape out the windows, why he feels guilty despite his bravery and trying to stop them from being killed.

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to guide you through a changing world. ♪ >> welcome back to the special edition of out front. we're bringing you a powerful account of what happened at michigan state university. when a gunman attacked those on campus monday night, the professor whose class was attacked is speaking out. he's describing the moment the shooter entered his classroom gunned down in

students. miguel marquez spoke to him, conducting this interview. he is back with me now. mcgill, the terrifying thing is that a mass shooting happens just way too often these days. there was another one after that this week at a mall in el paso. i think many of these students have grown up doing drills, right? they were drills! the professor just described to the reaction in the classroom when the shooting began. it's incredible what he described. did the training help? >> it was such a short period of time of such intense activity. so many of the young people we spoke to this week, you know, they remember newtown. just 14 months ago, there was a high school that was shot up here. several kids were killed there. they have trained many, many times. some of them hopped into action. when that gunman entered, some of them were just lucky they didn't get killed as well. you are in your class. it's 8:15 or

so on monday night. 45 students are there with you. this man walks in. he fires in quick succession like this. did you realize people were being shot? >> yes. the first thing that ran through my mind is like, this is not happening. this can't be happening. it's like, you don't believe such horrors happen too. at that moment, i was kind of preparing myself to be killed. we'll, if i'm killed, i'm killed. these are kids! these are 18 year old, 19 year olds! when you are a professor, you develop a sense of mentorship for them and you also want to protect them. >> what would you do seconds to act? the classroom at msu's berkey hall, professor díaz-muñoz has taught the same course in the same classroom

for five years. when 114 is his favorite. the retailer room around 50 feet long with a room for around 80 students has two doors, front and back, and windows along one side. it has several rows of fixed seats and desks. díaz-muñoz was in the front when the gunman partially entered through the back door, said nothing, and began firing. some students head. some froze. some were able to escape through the windows. even that was not easy. >> i told the students, just escape through the windows. kick the windows open and escape through the windows. the first line of windows closer to the rows of seats could not be kicked. they could not be broken. they're made out of hard glass, probably for insulation. they attempted. they cannot open those. the

second set of windows higher up, they were open. there was a big enough opening. they started escaping that way. >> they couldn't get out through the bottom part of the windows? >> they were climbing. >> you're on the ground? >> i was holding the door, telling them to escape through the windows. probably about ten or 15 climbed the windows. it was as high as the top of the ceiling. i don't know how they hurt themselves, they might have, but the adrenaline moving everybody. they were able to escape, ten or 15 of them, through the windows. >> the gun violence archive says there have been 72 mass shootings in america in 2023. it's six weeks into the new year. the massive shooting was described as four more people injured or killed in a single shooting incident, excluding the shooter. >> did he say anything before he shot?

>> no, i didn't hear him. it would have been the students who were in the back. >> the students quickly realize what was happening. >> yes, yes. i think they screamed something to that effect so that everybody just -- a lot of them just went under the seats. others were frozen. i think those are probably the ones he killed. >> two of the three students killed in this mass shooting we're in professor díaz-muñoz's class. all five injured and still in the hospital or also in his class. >> it's nearly three days on from this horrific experience. what are you feeling, if anything? guilt, anger, fear? >> guilt because i did not throw myself at this guy to stop it, but he would have

simply -- >> you were also across the room. >> by the time i reached him, i would have already been on the floor. guilt that i did not fight more and scream or to get help for those kids who were on the floor. >> you don't know that they could have been saved? >> i don't know that. someone said to me when i was calling attention that they were gone. that's what they said. someone said something about their pulse. i don't know when a human is gone and when a human is not on. >> to see this, to be the person responsible for them and then to see this -- >> to see that i could not stop it, it was the worst thing that -- they became a like my family. they're like my kids. i have a daughter their age. to me, it was a legacy in my daughter or anybody at that age being killed under my watch, on my watch. that was just

horrendous. i don't know how to explain to you the guilt, the horror, the guilt, the pain that i felt and i still feel. it's just more like i'm telling you a movie right now. >> police entered the classroom minutes after the gunman left. paramedics came a minute or two after that. the third student was shot and killed at the student union building, just a short way from berkeley hall. the dead, aerial anderson, alexandria verner, and brian frazier, all young, bright students just starting out on promising lives. >> my students, -- >> [inaudible] >> they thanked me at the end of the semester. >> i assume they would live full and productive lives and give something back to society, studious kids with good grades.

it broke my heart to see these two that i could not help. >> fight, flee, or barricaded yourself in? i think we have all thought about it as americans, given how often these things happen. what would you do in the situations? this happens so quickly. it's so intense. it is very loud. it's confusing. the students, by the time they reacted to what was actually happening, it was too late. aaron? >> all right, miguel. next, professor díaz-muñoz is going to share the personal trauma this week. his message to lawmakers after watching students die. welcome back to this special edition of out front. a professor who survived

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students dead and others injured sharing his story with miguel marquez and talking about the trauma which haunts him day in and day out. >> professor marco díaz-muñoz has taught at msu for 15 years. he went to graduate school here as well. >> i love msu! i have the best memories of msu. i love my classes. i am given a lot of freedom so i do what i enjoy. i love most of all my students. they tell me are the reason i am there. they are the reason why i am glad. i put on a jacket and i dressed up and i go. they are the reason for my being, having something to do that is good every day. >> the costa rican native loves his job and his adopted country. he was concerned about mass shootings in america before, but never thought he would come face to face with the one. >> what have the last few days been like? >> well, it was so painful and

so haunting. i have chronic insomnia. i have medication to make myself sleep. what i did is i have been sleeping the last few days, just wake up for maybe a bowl of soup, take my medication again. i can't continue to do that. i know my students need to know what to do. the ones who were not part of this tragedy and especially the ones who are part of the tragedy, they need to hear from me. i have to somehow do what i'm supposed to do if i'm a mentor to them. i can't just be under the covers and not address them. >> his fear and doubts now turning to anger. >> why do people need to hear what you experienced on monday night? >> because it is very different to hear in the news a statistic, through markets die, 12 more die, then to see what i saw. i think if those senators or

lawmakers saw what i saw, not just heard a statistic, there would be shame and action. i am an academic. i can present a subject and rationalize it and convince you and turn around and present the opposite subject and rationalize it to convince you. we can rationalize anything, package it in a way that the public accepts. >> you're seeing the time for rationalization is over? >> the time for rationalization -- rationalization is what lawmakers use as a sham to protect their position of power and to deviate from the real subject. >> díaz-muñoz now sees clear that he ever has. guns, violence, and fear are changing

america in ways big and small. >> i don't know if i will be nervous every time i teach. i don't know what the university is going to do. they're going to put locks on rooms so you can lock the room from the inside. i think that is one of the things that might happen. i don't know what that means. are we going to have to use cars to enter into a building and leave? what does that say about our society? i think the university campus should be an open place even for the community to benefit from the existence of the campus. we are becoming more and more shelter. those who have access in those who don't have access out and pull right aside even more between the haves and have-nots. this is not disconnected from covid. >> your instinct is to have more openness -- >> that's the way a normal society should be, i healthy society should be! we are in such a divided society.

>> so much to talk about. we're going to be airing more of it in the moment. miguel is with me. i also want to add into this a chance to talk a bit about what we have heard of the amazing interview. adrienne broaddus has been covering this story since it broke. as you are driving, there you joined us on the photo we had no idea what was happening. there was a shooter on the loose. john miller is also with me, our chief intelligence analyst john, let me start with you. the professor walked into the -- he said at least 15 shots were fired. the gunman left. we now know they were a loaded magazines in the back, 50 more rounds of loose ammunition. i think he said so many powerful things to miguel. it felt like an eternity even though it was about one minute.

>> well, 15 shots, that's a full magazine, plus one in the chamber. when he walks out, he has not decided to expand. he has eight other magazines. eight times 14 plus to 50 rounds, and he has a letter in his pocket which has a target list. there is the idea that he intended to escape. he walked off and got pretty far away. he was not aware that they were looking for the exact description. was he going to continue shooting at other places on the target list the next day? was there more carnage in store? we don't know. >> we don't know. >> we certainly know it could have been worse. >> it absolutely could have been. there was bravery in that room. one of the things that the professor said to miguel, there were students who could have jumped on the window. there was going to be

everything right about doing that. none of them did that. they stay to literally tried to put their hands to staunch the bleeding for those who were dying. i think you are an alumnus of the university. you know it very well. you know exactly the locations. you could give us specific descriptions. >> spartans are strong, but part of that strength -- i shouldn't say but because that would erase what i said before. part of that is admitting when you are scared. we have seen sport and say, i'm scared, i'm afraid. they're on edge especially with classes set to resume on monday. one of the traditions here at michigan state university is to take a picture with the statue behind me. it's become a memorial for those three who were killed monday night. we take a picture on the first day of -- you take another picture on the last day of class when you are in your cap and gown. you can look back and see what has changed. think about those students who took a picture for years ago, the ones

who are supposed to graduate in a few months. they will look back and say, hey, i am now a survivor of a mass shooting. that's something some of them tell me they thought would never happen. think about the times me and my friends returned to campus. we would come back here for celebrations. i came back when my younger sister graduated from college. we came back for homecoming. we're coming back for a mass shooting. that's something people say they didn't expect even though in the same breath they say they will not be surprised if it happens again. tonight, campus is quiet. it reminds me of the holiday break. the only thing you hear is that of the bus. no one is here. some students we heard from say they are afraid to go back. it's not just the students. i spoke with my friend who was also a professor here, bob gold. he says there

is no lesson plan on walking into a classroom on monday after all of this has happened. he wants to strike the right tone. how do you do that? >> middle, there is dealing with the shock of it, as you say, the numbers you gave, 72 mass shootings so far this year, for more not counting the shooter being killed. it's unbelievable. there is the sense that people understand academically that it can happen. in the reality of the moment, as professor díaz-muñoz said to you, it's so different. there is a question of why, not just in the macro, but in the micro. john was talking about the no found in the shooters wallet. that is all we know. i mean, there's so much that we don't know right now. it seems that even days later there so much that we don't know.

>> i think this is senselessness. you see students and faculty members trying to grapple and make sense of the senselessness. i've seen so many students walking around. they are carrying a flower to bring it to one of the memorials that has popped up on campus. they're in tears. they're standing there just looking at their memorial and in tears. they walk up to the memorial and they break down into tears. it's just incredibly hard to understand how something like this could happen. this guy seems to have no connection to the school at all. the only thing police are saying right now is that he feels he -- seems to have felt slighted because certain businesses in the area over the past several months or years through him out or had asked him to leave at some point. that may have been why he had the list. it's just frustration,

confusion, chaos. it's going to be really hard for folks to make sense of -- >> it's impossible in so many emotional ways. as we do try to get answers, to whatever extent they can exist, what stands out to you about the gunman's note? >> aside from the practical note, there's a target list which claims that there is a team of 20 people. when you get between the lines, if you've looked at other gunmen and other cases, he's a classic profile. he's an injustice collector. these business issues slighted him or threw him out, he stored of these things. they've rotted within him. he's also a loner and he's isolated. he writes in the note that they hate him. why do they hate me? i'm alone, i'm neglected. i am what you made me, a killer. the real question is, i get the places where he

had run-ins. there is no explanation for going to michigan state university. you could pause it that there was a guy who is completely isolated and very alone and angry. he looked on that university as the center of town where people belongs, where people were together, where people were succeeding. he wanted to try and break that which obviously despite of the tragedy from all we see tonight, he certainly did not. >> thank you. out front, we're going to hear more from professor díaz-muñoz. the fear that remained after the killer walked out of that room as johnson declared the intent of reloading. the fear remains. why? professor wants me back in that classroom with the students and fellow survivors. we will be back.

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>> welcome back to a special edition of out front. the survivors heartbreaking account of the michigan state university shooting. one professor says he had never thought he would see his own students condoned despite the horror. he vows he will continue to speak out because he knows his students need him.

miguel marquez is back with us. miguel, one of the things he told you a few moments ago that he had been able to sleep. he's now only able to sleep by basically taking sleeping pills and waking up for a couple of hours to have some soup and go back to sleep. he knows he can't continue that way. >> yeah, look, he's not doing great. this has been extremely difficult for him. he is very clinical. he's a professor. you can tell that this is a guy who is used to talking to people and being very irrational and intellectual and intellectualizing things. this is extremely difficult for him to understand. he's desperate to reconnect with the school and his students. traumatic does not begin to describe what marco díaz-muñoz and his student experienced on a monday night. he says he wants and needs to reconnect with them but it's not sure how. he's

been drafting a letter. >> those kids are kind of like my family now. i want to see them. i want to help them. i want to inspire them. i want to teach them. i want to help them finish the semester in those positive a note as it can be under the circumstances. there's a part of me that is ready to go and face them and pick up where we left off, not the same way, but i think they need it. i think i need to see them. i think they need to see me. we need to be in a classroom and kind of somehow build from the broken pieces. >> progress is slow. >> there is a part of me that feels like i want to go under the blankets and take more pills. i didn't want to wake up for a while. there was a part

of me kicking in. i don't want to remember these scenes. i don't want to have to go to you like us. there's another part of me that feels a great need, a strong need to see my students. i need to see their faces. the last time we saw each other was under this horrible experience. it somehow makes me -- at that moment, my students became kind of part of my family. >> a family born out of violence and grief. >> i think all human beings are capable of both, extreme violence and extreme greatness and benevolence -- >> love. >> love. what path life leads us to because of our circumstances and our decisions, we can do both. in my situation,

what i saw in my classroom in the midst of all of that violence, the goodness of people. >> he is really struggling to figure out how to reengage with this community, the school, his students. he's working on that letter and intends to go back to school. it's just a matter of when and how he's going to do it. aaron? >> next, a call for action. professor díaz-muñoz has a unitedhealthcare she got a medicare plan expert to help guide her with the right care team behind her. the right plan promise only from unitedhealthcare.

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engineered to elevate the senses - touch, sight, sound, and scent. it's the electric that recharges you. the all new, all electric eqe sedan from mercedes-benz. see your dealer for exceptional offers on mercedes-benz electric vehicles. professor díaz-muñoz has a message for lawmakers after this mass shooting. welcome back to a special edition of out front. we have a powerful interview from a professor who survived the mass shooting in michigan state university and the details after the gunman left his classroom following the attack. >> we were still in panic because we did not know if he was going to walk in again or if he was going to walk down the hall and enter the other door. we didn't know where he was. all we knew is he stepped out and then he could come in again. i was crying in that classroom, seeing the damage done and of the pain and the horrible scenes. my students, especially those two girls, i

can't forget those images. >> everyone is back with me. mcgill, he's talking about those two girls. he watched people die. he talks about their hands moving and then they were gone. he had to see that. he is speaking out to you because he wants the call to action. he doesn't want this to be academic to the lawmakers who so stubbornly and in so much of this country refused to do anything. it sounds like from what he said that he's going to continue to do that and fight for this. >> this seems to be his hope. he spent a good amount of time with us. we will help break that law that keeps meaningful gun reform from happening in this country. as we have heard many times on this particular shooting, the time for thoughts and prayers is over. the time for discussion is over. we know -- we have been at it for a

while. we are hoping his ward will help move toward that. they are going to put forward a gun reform bill here fairly soon. we may see some action here in michigan. >> you take the good where you can get it. what i find amazing about this is that in every one of the stories you either find the gun which was illegally obtained or it somehow was not. we have not heard about the loophole until that one particular instance. it's like swiss cheese out there. whatever loss there are just riddled with loopholes. >> professor díaz-muñoz said, where is the shame? there is no shame. it's not up political wake up call. it's groundhog day in america. we've seen

this. you think, well, if it affected congress, -- gabby giffords was shot and barely survived and nothing happened. steve scalise, part of the leadership now, was shot and badly wounded and nothing happened. in 2012, a movie theater full of families who came for a batman premiere, 12 dead, more wounded. they should not have undergone, let alone a saw weapons. you have kindergarteners and first graders in newtown, connecticut. if these things didn't bring the shame that would bring change, they left the assault weapons bill sunset. another shooting that is number 74 this year is not either. what is it going to take? >> it's horrific to imagine that. you look at las vegas you

have more than -- it's just unbelievable. when you hear professor díaz-muñoz talk about watching people die and the suffering, look, it's impossible to know and even imagine if you were not there. we do know three students were killed, aerial anderson, brian frazier, and alexandria verner. what do you know about the students who survive but were hospitalized and are still in hospital after the shooting? >> we know that five were physically injured and they were initially listed in critical condition. we heard from the chair of the board of trustees here at michigan state university. she shared a bit of good news. one of those students and no longer required a critical care. the other four unfortunately are still fighting for their lives, still listed in critical condition. even though the other condition had been upgraded, if you had a loved one in the hospital, you

know those days ebb and flow. you might not be in the icu anymore where they care for the most critical patients, but your road to recovery could still be long. our thoughts are with them. >> absolutely. they are fighting for their lives tonight. it's important for -- share that so that everyone can understand. thank you and thanks to all of you for joining us. cnn tonight with alison camerota's after this. >> it was a warm one across a 24-hour renewing micro moisture for continuous care. new dove body wash. change is beautiful. dancing is everything. soccer is the best. but her moderate to severe eczema

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