i can't believe it, she says, my home is bright. finally, there's light in my life. >> one simple thing making a huge difference. that does it for 360, i'll see you tomorrow night. "larry king" starts right now. >> larry: tonight alleged shooter jesse james in rehab as his wife sandra bullock remains silent. he is in treatment for what? his infidelity. is sex addiction for real? can it be cured? are some men and women making excuses for simply fooling around? it's all next on "larry king live." good evening.

we're joined by mike fleeman and lauren sanchez, correspondent for "extra." a representative of jesse james gave the following statement to cnn entertainment today. "jesse checked himself into a treatment facility to deal with personal issues. he realized that this time was crucial to help himself, help his family, and help save his marriage." what do you know about this story? what do you know? we don't know why he checked in so we can't deal with that. >> what we know is jesse james two weeks ago was a dog that cheated on america's sweetheart and now apparently he is a dog that cheated on america's sweetheart wearing nazi clothes. like it has gone from bad to worse and it just keeps getting -- i can't even explain. and now extra has learned he is in rehab. they're not saying what he's in rehab for, but we're all assuming it's for sex rehab. and it is -- i feel bad for both parties. this is a woman who just won the

oscar and now she is in hiding. that's sad for her. that's sad for any woman. >> larry: would this have been a big story had she not won the oscar? >> sandra bullock is one of hollywood's biggest stars and she was involved in one of hollywood's most intriguing relationships. >> larry: she's just been seen with him walking the red carpet. that adds to the story. >> it adds to the story. even before all this started, hollywood was fascinated by them themselves didn't know what america's sweetheart was doing with this motorcycle bad boy. and was this a relationship that was going to work? we're now seeing what the answer to that is. >> larry: who is jesse james? >> well, jesse james is a guy who builds motorcycles. he is a bad boy. he was married to a porn star. he is what he is. and he hasn't changed his stripes. no one is shocked, i think, that this has happened. everyone thought the best for sandra, they hoped that this wouldn't happen, but he is what he is. and now he's in rehab, hopefully trying to change himself, hopefully trying to get sandra's

love back. and this is a woman who, you know go we have learned as well that, scripts are flying to her right now. she is getting offered everything. and she's sandra bullock. >> larry: was jesse james a descendant of the famed jesse james? >> he is related. he is a descendant. what is interesting here is that despite all the bad news that we're hearing, despite the allegations of infidelity, and now the nazi salute photo, jesse still hopes to make his marriage work. he went into this facility on his own volition. it wasn't an order from her. he thinks this will be one of the solutions. >> do you know the facility? >> we are not reporting where it is, and he hasn't so far said what he's being treated for. >> larry: there is a presumption. >> exactly. >> larry: on the red carpet for the people's choices awards in january, sandra weighed in with some advice for elin. she said if i were elin, man, i

would have hit a lot more than she did. i would have kept hitting. he she stopped. she was respectable. i would get a baseball bat. i'd get everything out. what's your comment? >> i think she has gotten he go out. they're not really speaking. she is drawn the line in the sand and she is like saying, you know what? you've got to do what you've got to do. we're hearing rumblings that divorce attorneys are getting called. we haven't heard if either one has a divorce attorney themselves both have entertainment attorneys but divorce attorneys, no one knows yet. >> larry: they have no children, right? he has children. >> that's what makes it interesting. when sandra was talking on the red carpet, it was on the abstract. it was a sound bite. now that it's real, she has three children to take into account. they're not her children. they're his children. >> larry: she's close to them though. >> very close. little sunny 6 years old. almost the only mother she knows day to day. that's what complicate this. sandra has choices and all are bad right now. >> larry: jesse james was a competitor on the first season of celebrity apprentice. at one point, donald trump commented on the odd couple nature of jesse and sandra's

relationship. look. >> he marries one of the most sought after women in the world which peel like us say, that's pretty cool. and yet he is such a low key guy. if you're with him, you say as he's a stiff. how did he marry sandra bullock? i saw her on television. she's totally in love with this guy. i can't believe it. >> larry: any comment on that, lauren? >> well, you know, you can laugh and giggle. >> larry: was he prophetic? >> this is a woman who i was saying, her career has never been better. as anyone knows who has been cheated on, trust me, i know -- >> larry: have you been cheated on? >> yeah. >> larry: you were? >> and it's devastating. not through my husband, yes. as a woman, yes. i've been cheated on. it's devastating. it doesn't matter what scripts are coming to her or how great her professional life is. this is a woman in hiding in her home because someone broke her heart. that will be hard to get through.

>> larry: was she scheduled to do a film, mike? >> the sad thing was this was going to be her hiatus. this was the time that she was going to spend with the children and with jesse. she had nothing on the front burner. she was going to be taking some time off and enjoying her family. >> larry: are they rereleasing old movies now? knowing the commercialism of the world? >> sandra bullock has never had a problem getting an audience. and she is one of the hottest actresses in hollywood right now. >> larry: cnn has obtained a statement from jesse james's attorney. i would request that his rights in regards to privacy and medical matters be respected. i understand people's desires in newsworthy stories. i would hope that it wasn't such a news worthy story such that his base ug rights and privacy aren't continuously invaded in an improper manner. does he not have a point? >> not really. not when you marry one of the biggest movie stars in the world.

>> larry: you don't have privacy? >> i'm sure he would love privacy but you can't just have privacy when you want it. this was a guy who went on the apprentice. they're walking the red carpet. and now we're up to like mistress number five? it comes to a point where you're not going to get it. unfortunately. >> it isn't going away any time soon because so much is unresolved. is she going to stay with him? is there going to be a divorce battle brewing? there are a lot of unresolved questions. >> larry: thank you both. is sex addiction for real? is it being used as an excuse? some answers after the break. oh sure, we have plenty of employees that... you can label as "different." like janice. uh-huh. yeah. fashion deficient. and tom... copy incapable. it's open kimono time. looking good, dan. oh, we want to make sure all our ducks in a row. yeah. volume control syndrome. but we focus on the talent and skill that each person... brings to the team.

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>> larry: we're back. there is little dispute that jesse james cheated on his wife sandra bullock. the specific reasons for his infidelities whether they are at the core of the personal issues, he's checked into a facility seeking treatment for, we can't confirm. this scandal coupled with the tiger woods public confession to having had multiple affairs has inevitably provoked a discussion about sex addiction.

we're joined by dr. pinsky. host of vh 1's celebrity rehab. sthor of the mirror effect, how celebrity narcissism is seducing america. a terrific book. he is an addictionologist. never heard that term before. and robert weiss is founding director of the sexual recovery institute. dr. pinsky, my friend on espn radio this morning made a strong plea for the fact that there is no such thing as sexual addiction. one of his examples was derek jeter is single. he dates many, many well known pretty models and women. no one has ever called him a second addict because he ain't married. is there a -- are you a sex ad addict if you're married? >> you can be, of course. a way to think of it is, addiction is defined by consequences. and there are many alcoholics out there that are controlling their drinking. it still works for them. they're able to prevent it from spiraling out of control and they think of their drinking as normative. the reality is --

>> larry: is it an addiction if you will you have with it? >> we would call it addictive traits. and the potential to go out of control. when things really spiral out of control is when people are trying to contain these behaviors and then the consequences mount. >> larry: robert weiss, when is sexual addiction sexual addiction? >> i think drew had a really good point. when you have to stop a behavior and you can't. >> larry: single, married, whatever? >> we work with men all the time who are unable to form relationships because they're so busy looking at porn and hook up in anonymous sexual situations. >> larry: if they can have a job, a successful life -- >> then they should enjoy themselves. people enjoy alcohol and then there are alcoholics. you don't want to be an alcoholic but you might want to be someone who enjoys alcohol. it's the same thing with sex. >> larry: a thin line? >> it can be. when you deal with people who really have this, there is no debating it. tiger is a great example to me of somebody who really has suffered a lot. he damaged his family, his career his children, a woman he loves. these were people he built a life around and with and he

harmed them and he wanted to stop. >> larry: if he were single and the same golfer, would we even be talking about it? >> we probably wouldn't. the sail thing with any addiction. when people come to see me in the hospital they don't walk in the door and say i decided to stop drinking. they may have been thinking about it for three years but they came in that day because they had a dui. they nearly died. their wife put them in or some other such consequence. >> larry: everyone asks this. what happens in treatment? >> treatment is about confronting people's denial. how could you think this wasn't going to happen? everybody comes in in a crisis like drew said. you were driving drunk, how could you do that? what were you thinking that you thought you would not get in trouble? >> larry: you were in treatment they take liquor away or reduce it slightly. what do you do? >> we prefer abstinence. we prefer people are not sexual during the course of treatment because it interferes in the process. we ask them to commit to that. we're looking at their denial, their grief, we're trying to

help them figure out how to have a life that doesn't cause them the same kind of problem they've had. their being in treatment prefers more problems. we prefer to ask for abstinence during that time, which many men object to. some men think they will explode if they don't have sex. it is amazing to me. or die. >> larry: sex rules them. >> they would consider the idea of doing without is it shattering to them. many of these people with sex addiction, have very, very poor boundaries. you first start by establishing boundaries around their body. how they dress. how they touch other people. how other people address and touch them. then you build from there. inevitably it ends up with very tense emotions. >> larry: are there some men, robert who are just naturally flirtatious, they are not addicts, they come on with people but they're not addicts? they're just -- >> sure. are there people who drink or even get drunk occasionally and have a good time, it is a

problem for them? absolutely. are there people who drink and are alcoholics? >> larry: the thing is if it is a problem it is an addiction. >> it has the potential to be an addiction. >> larry: back with more. you're not a doctor, right? >> i'm rob.

>> larry: we're back with robert weiss and dr. drew pinsky. true, robert, that you had firsthand experience struggling with sexual addiction? >> i have a good understanding where that come from. i spent a number of years out

there myself. i know what that's like. i don't mind talking about that. >> larry: how did you defeat it? >> a lot of therapy, a lot of 12 step treatments. >> larry: you went into it as a field. >> the problem is people who are in something for a field and had the problem can be very econvenient gel evangelistic. they want to save everybody. that's not my job. i'll interested as a therapist to help people talk about it. >> larry: you mentioned during the break love addiction. there's a difference? >> oh, sure. most women, i wouldn't say most, they come in with a love addiction. a love avoidance cycle. >> larry: they want to be in love. >> they want to be in love, but i think a cycle your viewers would be familiar with is women that go for the bad guy. >> i'm the bad guy. they seem to pursue me. that is -- >> larry: some men like bad girls. >> absolutely. once somebody is actually available for closeness, then

that feels un comfortable and clingy, and they don't like it so much. in sandra bullock's case she can missed a lot of red flags. she idealized him and that's the groundwork for set go up an addiction. >> larry: why are we so fascinated with this. >> we don't talk about the issues of sex in our culture. >> we talk about it everywhere. >> you speak about it a lot but we don't talk about these issues. >> larry: still a taboo thing? >> let's face it, not every woman has the ability to kick her husband out. a lot of women are in a lot of pain with what their husbands are doing, but they don't have the financial resources to say, you're out. at least they can, through this situation like, this understand and feel like, yeah know i don't want to be treated like that. >> larry: why, drew, would some woman or man stay married to a sexual addict? >> great question. we do find that most addicts do stay with their significant other. i personally advocate for it. >> larry: you do? >> i thought that tiger and his wife stayed together was an extremely positive thing for both of them. >> larry: why? why is it good for her? >> a certain kind of person that will be attracted to them. they have some stuff they need

to work on, too. by the way, what we see, i'm sure rob sees it more than me, the couple can end up in a very rich place. very happy together. >> about 85% of the couple that come in with betrayal stay together anyway. they have more going. on they have familiar lirg they have kids, they have money, they have relationships, they have church. a lot going on there. >> larry: we decide on many programs, we don't know why someone starts to become a drug addict. we know that they do but we don't know why will. >> i, do i think. it is a bid for emotional regulation. people are deeply unregulated. the emotions are too profound, too prolong asked too negative. they tend to reach outside their body if they are genetically set up for this to work for them. >> larry: what promise someone to be a sexual addict? >> it is different for men than women. women to have real sexual abuse. someone touched them

inappropriately. they used sex as a powerful i can stand on stage and be a dancer and i can feel like i have power over all these men. a strip club, for example. men tend to have more emotional violation as children. we tend to have more delicate egos. when our egos are not tended to well know we're not well taken to as children, we can look outside ourselves to get validation. >> larry: if you're married, is it also the drama of it? the cheat? >> you know, again, in my experience of people getting aroused and enticed by the drama, that tends to be more women, in my experience. the intensity of it. >> the idea that i could be getting arrested, that amped up the high. sex addiction is not about sex. it is about the idea of second. that's important to say. if sex addiction were about sex, most of us could get it over with in a couple minutes. its the are suit of sex, the

hunt, the chase, the possibilities, the arousaarousa. not genital arousal but emotional arousal. that maybe that person will want me. >> the same thing with love addiction. love addicts are not interested in intensity of love. >> larry: we'll be back with more. one guest thinks cheating is nothing more than men misbehaving. every business day, bank of america lends nearly $3 billion dollars to individuals, institutions, schools, organizations and businesses in every corner of the economy. ♪ america. growing stronger. every day. ♪ what are you really buying? a shiny coat of paint? a list of features? what about the strength of the steel? the integrity of its design... or how it responds... in extreme situations? the deeper you look, the more you see the real differences.

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>> larry: dr. drew pinsky and robert weiss remain. we're joined by steven a. smith, radio host, fox sports columnist, the "philadelphia inquirer." one of the better sports writers in america. and dr. laurie buckley. clinical psychologist and sex therapist. before steven smith will have his strong opinions, i'm sure, doctor, you are a sex therapist. is there sexual addiction? >> i say no. >> larry: you say no? >> i say no. there is sexual compulsion. there are problems around sexuality. i don't think we're so far off in a lot of our beliefs but as far as the clinical diagnosis of addiction, no. >> larry: so you disagree with both robert weiss and dr. drew pinsky. >> yes. >> larry: steven smith, is there sexual addiction? >> absolutely not. dr. drew knows how i feel about. he and i have talked about this in the past.

i think it is bogus. it is a perfect excuse to be used by men in this day and time because of something has ailed and plagued us since the beginning of time as far as i'll concerned. the influence of a woman on the male psyche, the male species as a whole. the fact is we covet what we see. we've always been that way. and any excuse outside of that is utterly ridiculous to me. >> larry: so you don't think tiger woods, let's say, has a problem. >> no, i don't think he has a problem at all. i think his problem was trying to pretend as if he could commit to one woman and to be monogamous. the reality is that it is incredibly tough for him. as he billionaire athlete. like chris rock joked once upon a time, men are usually as faithful as their options. that's a real trifling thing to say. it is not very, very popular by the women by and large. and i respect that and i understand that. the fact is, it is work to be monogamous. it is work to be faithful. it takes no effort at all for a man to step out and do otherwise. >> larry: doctor, is he right? >> i think that's true. it takes work to be monogamous.

if you look at any measure of health, men are happier, healthier when they're in a sustained monogamous relationship. people in our culture and i love when steven talks, he hypnotizes me. keep talking, steven. i love it. >> larry: steven smith should always be on television. >> just talking. i go into a fugue state. i lose the capacity to defend myself, too. the fact is people lose track, and our culture particularly of something called intimacy. many of us voo have intimacy disorders. we don't know what intimacy is. we don't know how to control our closeness or proximity of other minds and that's where real health evolves. that's where physical health also develops as well. if you look at intimacy as the goal, thing like sexual addiction, if you are going to call it that really get in the way. >> larry: is dr. buckley wrong when she says it's not addiction? >> you can call it whatever you want. you can call it compulsion, addiction, a symptom of a larger

set of issues. the reality is there are men and women who act out sexually in certain ways, and they seem unable to stop that behavior despite their consequences. and they need a form of treatment that follows. whatever you call it, i don't care. >> larry: does it concern you, dr. buckley, no matter what the transgressions, in a poll more people want tiger to win the masters than not. >> he is a great golfer themselves want to see him golf. >> larry: they don't want to see him get hit hard, lose badly, not make the cut. >> he has some problems. he needs to work on them. he needs to be accountable for his behavior. i think he does need help. i the cop-out of the addiction model and going in for, to rehab. >> larry: he never said he was an addict. >> but he did go into rehab. >> could i speak to that issue? the idea that going into addiction extremity a cop-out really confuses me. it is not like it is a fun ride to be in treatment. we confront, we challenge, we are hard on your butt when you're in treatment. >> larry: steven, do you think it is a cop-out?

i don't think there is any question it is a cop-out. here's the reason why. because they're measuring what they could potentially lose. that's the ultimate incentive. if tiger woods was faced with criticism and faced with being expelled from the public at large and unwilling or having the inability to ingratiate himself with the masses at large, and he had to be done with that and go on and play golf, and still be able to accumulate the wealth and success that he was able to accumulate prior to this transpiring, i don't think he would have ever been in a sex addiction clinic. the reality is -- >> you're kind of a cynic. >> i am. let me be very clear. i'll sorry. it is nice for you to notice that. i'm not denying that. my point to you -- >> hope for relationships? hope for healing? >> listen to me. i'm not saying there is no hope. what i'm saying to you is this. i've known and i've covered

professional sports for many years. and i'm obviously a man myself, and i've been single for many years, and i've gotten into my own situations. let me be clear. no hypocrisy lt. >> give me a call. >> i don't need to call. i'm accountable for my own actions and i have to suffer the consequences. if you're somebody like a tiger woods or others who go on quote/unquote a sex addiction clinic, what the public needs the see is somebody a bit could be try it. exhibiting a level of contrition. they're sorry for the pain they've caused so many people. in fact they weren't trying to cause pain, they were trying to get theirs themselves got caught, they got busted and they want ant explanation for the want ant explanation for the masses. introducing quattron quad pixel technology.

>> larry: we're back. dr. pinsky, can we type the sexual addict? who is likely to become a sexual addict? >> an easy sort of answer that is women that were sexually abused are very likely to be -- >> larry: men? >> men, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. 1234. >> larry: a man sexually abused as a child -- >> i'm not saying sexual abuse leads to necessarily sexual

addiction. but it is a common heritage in those people that do develop it. >> larry: my guess is would it lead away from it. >> you would think the guy who is beaten wouldn't beat his kids but that's not how it works. >> experiences that are terrorizing in childhood, become arousing and attractive in adulthood. >> larry: why do you think the public is rooting, more of the public is rooting for tiger woods than rooting against him despite the fact that most people would say this is despicable. >> i know, it's kind of crazy, isn't it 1234 i think because he has been a hear over for so long. and i think he disappointed a lot of people but i think there is some compassion and empathy. and ultimately, we're selfish. we want to see him be entertaining to us. we want to see him do well. and maybe there's some good stuff. >> larry: do you want him to win the masters? >> no question. i don't think he will. it is just pure rustiness. i don't expect hill to win. >> larry: why do you want him to win? >> because he is a greatest golfer in the world and everybody is entitled to make their mistakes. we are in america and this is the land of second chances.

the reality is that although some of the details of what allegedly has transpired in his life is repugnant, but who knows what's going on in anybody else's bedroom? it has been extreme, the kind of heat that's been thrown in his direction. he is still just a golfer. the greatest in the world. let's put this in perspective. >> larry: steven, what about those who say concerning anyone, the movie star, the golfer. it's none of our business. >> i agree with that. i don't believe the details, the salacious details in regard to his relationship with his wife or the prostitute, stripper, hooker, whatever you want to pick, i don't think those details are any of our business. i think it is worth getting into the psyche of an individual that would apparently have so much to lose and would engage in some of the raunchy kind of behavior that he allegedly has engaged in. i don't think there is any question that there is some inquisitiveness that comes along with that.

>> larry: why do we risk? >> why do we take risks? >> larry: risks. the tiger woods risk is monumental. >> that's about denial. >> larry: i'm not going to get caught. >> they're so in the arousal of the moment they just ignore what the consequences could be. it is not until it comes to bear that they have to deal with it. >> i think tiger said. that he said i felt entitled to be able to take what i wanted. he said that. >> larry: steven? >> i get that this is where dr. drew and i, we part like the red sea, for crying out loud. how about some people just acknowledging that there are some men out there, god for bid a man has to come on national television and say, this there are some men that are miserable at home. they're not happy at all. particularly with their sex life. >> they can get a divorce. >> of course, yeah. when you're worried about losing $300, $400 million, just half of whatever you've earned in your life. if you're a basketball player, your wife never made a jump shot.

if you're a football player, your wife never scored a touchdown. your wife is on the verge of taking half because you're not happy with her any longer? that's a lot to risk. >> i really, really do not believe that tiger is unhappy with his wife. >> larry: how do you know? >> the way he speaks about her. i have some capacity and i think he deeply loves his wife and i think he wants to sl vag that relationship. and i believe he will. i think that's more important to him. than all this other stuff. >> men cheat. >> some men cheat. >> not all men cheat. but not all men who cheat are addicts. nor are they addicts at all. the fact that he is cheating doesn't put him in this addict category. he was a cheater. and it became a problem when he got caught. >> i think this is an incredible point to make. i don't know his relationship with his wife. neither does dr. drew or anybody else. we can think what we want to think. but in this day and time, if you're a public figure like

tiger, and you have engaged in the acts he has engaged in, could you really go on national tv and say, my wife just made me unhappy? could you be like mark sanford and say i found my soul mate while he was married and he was talking about somebody other than his wife. you have a lot to lose. it is not like people can openly admit. they can't openly admit in this female oriented oprahified society that they're just unhappy, they can't pull that off. >> larry: boy, she is terrible! >> i'm just saying you can't do it. it is career suicide to do that for a guy. i'm telling you. >> larry: someone once said, why are divorces so expensive? the answer is because they're worth it. is monogamy a thing of the past? we'll talk about that next.

>> larry: we're back. robert weiss, monogamy history? >> i don't think it's monogamy history. >> larry: do we know what percentage? >> more than 50% of the male population in the soouts monogamous. >> larry: how do we know that? >> we assume they're telling the truthful we do have a high level of monogamy in this country. a lot of people don't cheat. i haven't talked to the guys in

europe. >> larry: fay itville, north carolina, as we go to some calls. hello. >> caller: thank you for taking my call. >> larry: sure. >> caller: i was wondering, why is it when it is someone who has fame and money, it is an addiction. but if you're just an average joe, you're just a cheater. >> larry: is that true? >> it does seem to be that way, yeah. >> larry: the average joe can't afford to go to therapy. >> exactly. and they don't necessarily need to do. that i think that it an attempt to make things right. they got caught. they want to make things good. i think in some ways it could be coming from a good place, i want to get some help, i want to do things differently in my life. i also think it is an excuse. i have a problem. i have an illness. >> go go to a 12-step meeting and you will not see a budge of celebrities, you will see regular joes. they are humbly asking for help. when it comes to very difficult behaviors to change, it is hard to do that.

12 step does do that. >> larry: massachusetts, hello. >> caller: thank you. a big fan of the show. i have a question for dr. drew. dr. drew, do you think that jesse james would be a good fit for the next season of celebrity rehab? >> i don't know if he is using chemicals or not. >> larry: we don't know what he is in for so we won't say. >> we're not sure where he went. >> larry: that's correct. >> anybody wants help, of course. i'm assuming that's a joke. >> would you like me to point out another problem with this monogamy thing you were talking about? >> larry: what is that? >> the fact of the matter is this. depending on what report you 10, 12, 15-1, depending on whatever report you read. what i'm saying to you is this. when you become a man, it is incredibly, a lot easier to stop chasing women. you just get to a point, you're tired with it. you're done with all that nonsense. you move on. very, very few men are trained

and prepared to deal with women offering themselves on a silver platter. i'm a single guy. married men come up to me at least five times a week and laugh in my face and say to me, ha! you think you've got it now. wait until you get married. even more women are going to come chasing you after you get married because a lot of women out there want men who are spoken for, because those men at least, they know where they're going home to at night and they can't hold them accountable because they have somebody else to be accountable to. that's something we don't hear. >> larry: dr. buckley, do you agree women that like married men? >> there are some women that absolutely are drawn to married men. and of course, we can't forget the women that are drawn to celebrities. so there is a lot of opportunity out there. and so sometimes it is a little more difficult to resist that opportunity. about that question you had about is monogamy a thing of the past, there are some people who can be monogamous. who thrive on it. some people who choose not to do it or don't do well with it.

and it just depends on where you're at. you need to be clear with that. if you're someone that doesn't do well with monogamy, you shouldn't get married. it's great. i eat anything that i want. key lime pie, pineapple upside down cake, raspberry cheesecake... ...yeah, every night it's something different. oh yeah yeah...she always keeps them in the house. no no no, i've actually lost weight... i just have a high metabolism or something... ...lucky. [ wife ] babe... ♪ umm, i gotta go. [ female announcer ] 28 delicious flavors at around 100 calories each. yoplait, it is so good.

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>> larry: what are the chances we'll run around rehabbing a marriage? >> it's very high? i mean marriages that stay together do very well. >> what's the percentage of those that do? >> 85% stay together. >> you want to pick up with that more. first, let's check in with anderson cooper. tonight on the program, our series of reports on the church of scientology. the church is saying the accusers are the violent ones. we're investigating why the police were never called. a teen suicide caused by bullying at her school. what did educators do to stop the bullying? turns out almost nothing. what disciplinary action was taken at the school against the nine students charged in connection with this suicide?

none. we're keeping them honest tonight. members of the christian militia were in court today, were they scheming to kill a police officer or just a bumbling group of friends and family, with no big plans -- with a lot of big plans, but no way to pull them off. >> ac 360, 10: 00 eastern, 7:00 pacific. let's get another call. >> i have a question for steven smith. when he says men after they get married, get bored with their sex lives. whose fault is that. the implication is always the women more than the husbands. but the men, couldn't they be looked at in not probing their own sex lives further? >> well allow me to be very very

clear, if the man's not getting the job done, that's his problem. but we're talking about a man stepping out on his wife. if you're not getting the job done at home, kwhoonss are you're not going to get the job done too many other places. the reality is,when women want to bring up that particular question, what you're doing is pointing out the transgressions of a man, you have to ask yourself why that man is trans guessing. if he were happy at home, perhaps that would not be the case. you have a lot of men out here with some serious problems. but a lot of men far often than not are very, very unhappy, and that does not get publicized enough. >> and we thank -- dr. pinsky will remain. when we come back, two prominent divorce attorneys will join us for the legal implications of marriage to a movie star. you've got preparation h with the only cream that gives you maximum strength pain relief.

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>> larry: we're back. we're talking about marriage, sex addiction and now divorce. stacy schneider, a former divorce lawyer, and author of "he had it coming, how to outsmart your husband and win your divorce." among his high profile clients, many, britney spears ex-husband, kevin fetterlein and dr. drew pinsky is still with us. stacy, what percentage of

divorces is infidelity paramount? >> many, manidy divorces, larry. it's unfortunate. it's paramount but unfortunately it does not get a lot of play because most states are no fault states. it really doesn't matter who broke up the marriage or for what reason. the judge isn't really going to do anything about infidelity when he's dividing up the assets unless one of the spouses cheats and spends all the money on the mistress and takes her on vacations and is spending down the marital assets by paying for her wardrobe. then the agrieved wife has a chance to get that money back. really, infidelity does not have much of a play, just affects the emotions of the parties. >> larry: except new york, right? >> new york is the strangest place. we're still a fault state and actually, people can make allegations of adultery to get out of a marriage. but it's ar cheic, no one's doing that any more in the divorce arena. >> larry: mark, what's your

experience with infidelity and divorce? >> this is a no fault state, it doesn't come into play. >> larry: we don't even list it. >> it comes into play if it's an issue with behavior and custody. other than that, it does not. it might be a factor to motivate the party to go on with divorce in other ways they may not but it's not a huge factor. >> larry: are celebrity divorces harder? >> they're harder because there's more issues to manage. you have to manage media because it will be something that's part of the career of one or both of the clients. they're harder that way. it's also harder in the sense you have people with a lot of power used to getting their own way. that's always something that is difficult to factor in. listening to you in a ways they may not feel right about but they really need to do what's right for the litigation, not for the revenge. >> larry: can infidelity cause one of the spouses to lose custody? >> only the manner in which it's

done, it's done in a way that subjects the children to some way that is not appropriate for them to be around the other person, something in that regard. >> larry: stacey, what's your opinion on a third party involved? the los angeles dodgers? >> when there's a third party involved in a marriage? >> larry: the dodgers are a major institution in baseball and in los angeles, and the entity in the community. the two people who own them, one says she owns them, he says he owns them. and you take the third party into the courtroom. >> you can take that third party and get a lot of leverage out of it. i've actually been involved in divorce cases where there were mistresses and i brought that mistress into a court and actually into and office, we had a deposition, i asked probing questions to get evidence for a divorce case.

it does give divorce attorneys -- or the fact that there's a third party involved, it gives divorce attorneys a lot of access and some interesting information to use against the spouse in a divorce. >> larry: that's going on right now. dr. pinsky, neil simon wrote a great line once in the "odd couple," divorce must be popular, 50% do it. >> yet, as we sit here and talk about this topic tonight, infidelity ruins marriage. there's tremendous pain and consequences of these behaviors, the fact is, how we can argue whether monogamy is good or not i don't understand. it equates with health and when you do things that diminish monogamy, you're parting it in harm's way by bringing other relationships in not nurturing it properly, it pays dividends and very painful and unhealthy when people do not realize it. >> larry: a great lawyer told me he would never handle a divorce case again because the anger in

a disputed divorce is greater than the victim sitting behind the murder suspect in a criminal trial, the anger in the parties. do you find that to be true? >> i think there's great anger. i think that people want to purge that anger by having some arena that's usually a court appearance. >> absolutely. >> usually, it turns to hate prior to the time it turns to divorce. >> larry: why do you like it then? >> it's an equitably driven arena. i like being able to argue fairness. i'm a trial lawyer. i think it's always great to be able to take your sense of fairness and take the underdog many times. >> larry: you can defend a man in the morning and woman in the afternoon? >> i can do it at the same time. >> larry: they have a similar case on either side, you can argue both sides. >> absolutely. you have to be careful the argument doesn't get used against you in the afternoon. >> larry: stacey, ever represent men?

>> all the time i represented men. there's no difference. i have a lot of strategies for women because i think they're on the short end of the stick, but not in hollywood, certainly. sandra bullock is the big bread winner in this marriage and jesse james will come out a very wealthy man from this. he has some of his own money. >> larry: he will get alimony. >> he will do really really well, it's a 50/50 split of the assets earned during the marriage. he may be entitled to alimony. but you know what, in this situation, if he is a real man, and he has any kind of respect for sandra bullock, he should walk away with nothing. he should say, i destroyed this marriage, i destroyed you in the process, i will make it easy and not litigate and leave. >> larry: what would you bet on that? >> there might be a prenup and that could change other things and there may be a waiver of rights you wouldn't otherwise have. whether he's a real man or just a human being, if he has the

right to receive alimony, he should get alimony. if he has the right to get property, he should get -- >> no matter what he did? >> no matter what he did, that's why it's a no-fault state. >> larry: is divorce healthy? >> sure. >> larry: some people should get divorced. >> there's sometimes situations where there's overt abuse, and not able to change. >> larry: does it sometimes better the children? >> certainly, it can. generally children perceive whole families and feel responsible. >> larry: they take the blame. >> they take the blame, even if they don't know it consciously. divorce has consequences on children for decades to follow. >> larry: why are we all fascinated with it as a public? >> because it's drama. healthy people aren't interesting. it's not about healthy people, about sick people acting sick. we're at a time in our country where our own narcissism is acted out in the press all the time. we love tearing people down and resurrecting them. >> larry: you're around unhappy people all the time, aren't you? >> they don't go to court and