make me sing, you ask me, i will do anything for you. you're even cute when you spit up. okay. whew. good job. > tonight, joan rivers as you've never seen her before. >> it's bacon, you idiot. >> larry: telling all about the just released film on her life that just might break your heart. >> no man has ever, ever told me i'm beautiful. >> larry: the good. >> this is my apartment, it's very grand. >> larry: the bad. >> i hate old people. i hate ugly children. >> larry: the plastic surgery. plus, the snub by johnny carson

that stings to this day. joan rivers and a few surprise guests, including bill maher and kathy griffin, next on "larry king live." >> larry: good evening. what a night. joan rivers is a comic, author, actress, entrepreneur, and the focus of a brilliant new documentary, "joan rivers: a piece of work." i saw it, loved it, it is brutally frank about the highs and lows of joan's incredible career. in between laughing, which you'll do a lot, you'll be amazed by her drive and the relentless schedule she keeps. take a look. >> right now everything is absolutely wonderful. i am the golden girl. but i have been here before. and i know, nothing is yours permanently. and you better enjoy it while it's happening. >> so, next week, monday, regis and kelly, a book signing at

qvc, tuesday, wor, rachael ray, howard stern. wednesday, florida, breakfast lecture, an afternoon book signing. back to miami to perform two shows. thursday, a radio show, red eye home, qvc, corporate booking. then back to the cutting room. >> larry: this documentary's has gotten brilliant reviews, all of them reserved. why did you do this? why so revealing a look at you? >> well, if i was going to do it, how many documentaries have you and i seen where you go, why? and they're all lies. get 12 people to say, that person's fabulous, and you know they're just a crock of horror. so i wanted to do something that would really show what i'm about, about pushing through bad times and about age. and i met ricky stern's partner, annie, and they had done a documentary on darfur and a man who had been electrocuted and shouldn't have been, and i said,

these are my girls. >> why let yourself at the admitted angel of 75 when you did this, why let yourself be so open. >> when are you going to do it? at this age, larry, my friends are dropping like flies. i wear black to get a quick call. i chase the jacket and i'm there. i just think it's time to show what goes really on in the life of a performer. not even just a comedian. you and i have how many friends, they go up in their careers, down in their careers. and i go, it's great to show what it really takes to stay there. >> larry: how much of the input did you have, or did they do you? >> i had no input. none. and they followed me around for 14 months, complete access. that was the deal. i said that too.

i said, either you do it or don't do it. >> larry: what'd you think when you saw it? >> i was very surprised at a lot of things they put in. very surprised a lot of things they left out. >> larry: what surprised you the most? >> melissa. how smart she is. how she knows what comic's all about. there's a scene where they're interviewing her and she lays it down about comics. and how damaged we all are. >> larry: what were you unhappy about? >> very unhappy that they didn't show any of my private life, kind of. it looked like i was -- >> larry: they didn't show your private life? >> no, but they didn't show me having a glass of wine with friends. >> larry: thanksgiving dinner, a great scene. i've been in your apartment, and your apartment is a -- >> want to buy it? you can use it as a reality show. >> larry: who picked the title?

>> they did. they did. i let them have complete -- if you're going to do it, do it right. >> larry: now, two women made this movie. that was smart too, right? because this is really a woman's story. >> yeah, but, again, it was all luck. my best friend is a woman nam ed margie stern and ricky stern is her daughter. so i met her at thanksgiving and margie said to me, ricky wants to do a documentary on you. and i figured, why not. so it was luck. also, nobody else asked me. i'm such an outsider. nobody's ever asked me. >> larry: have you always been, for want of a better term, outside? >> how many parties have you gone to that i've not been asked? how about 100%. >> larry: why? >> i don't know. i'm the only person in this town -- >> larry: you're funny, vivacious, you add to a party. >> i'm the only person that's

not invited to "vanity fair" party. the garbage man goes, see you there. not asked. i was in "vanity fair" one year and they didn't invite me to the party in the "vanity fair" issue. >> larry: all right. what's your thought as to why? >> a bad rep. i don't know! >> larry: the files you keep. you have jokes. meryl used to do that, right? >> and also bob hope. someone told me he had a joke room. isn't that amazing. he'd walk in and there would be file cabinets and balloons, got it under here under "b." so i started trying to keep every joke i could. >> larry: but a friend of mine saw you in boston the night they found that the balloon boy thing was a hoax and the kid didn't go up, and he said you did 20 minutes on the balloon boy. >> yeah. >> larry: you couldn't have planned that. >> no, no, i come out of second city, i ad lib.. my whole show, the first 10, 15 minutes is just -- i can't wait

to get on now and talk about helen thomas, because i'm so angry, as a jew. last time i saw her, she was dating hitler, i figured she would be -- >> larry: you just said she did the answer voice for mel gibson. >> i wrote that already on my twitter. >> larry: hey, the movie is "a piece of work." it opens wide today. after so many years of success, joan still cares what critics think. we're going to ask about why they matter, next. [ speaking native language ]

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these are all my jokes. these are jokes over the last 30 years.

these are jokes -- every time i write a joke, i try to remember to get it on a card. why should a woman cook? so her husband can say, "my wife makes a delicious cake to some hooker." and you wonder why i'm still working at this age. >> larry: we're back with joan rivers. i know i sound very enthused, this is one of the best documentaries ever made. and it's called "a piece of work," and it's about her, but not by her. by the way, if you want to see her in person, she's in new york june 24th, foxwoods the weekend of june 25th you open, though. >> we just divide it up. we split the money and i said to him, i'll open, you can close. and he said, because people always think it's better to close, then he realized, i get out earlier. so i'm home in bed, having a go ahead time and he's still working. >> larry: we're not only talking about joan mart -- joan rivers,

we're saluting her too, because on the phone is bill maher, the host of hbo's "realtime with bill maher." joan and bill both took part in the kennedy center honors of george carlin. bill, we've been talking about, why do you think joan is not -- why not when they talk about great comics, why don't they list her? >> who's they? who are you -- >> larry: i don't know who they are, but she's not invited to parties, she's not on -- >> i'm not on the radar. >> larry: when people name a great comic, they don't name joan rivers, but she's a great comic. >> well, you know what, first of all, don't go by they. we've all had our slights from they. i could read chapter and verse -- i could do an hour show on that with you, larry. they don't know what they're talking about. joan rivers is, you know, ask any comic. it's like, who votes for the all-star team? it's the fans, they get it wrong, but the players, when they get it right, they know. ask the comics. joan rivers is one of the great comics. i love joan rivers. i don't agree with what she said

about getting the jews out of palestine, but i don't think she should have got fired about it. >> what did i say? >> larry: you got the wrong joan. >> oh, i'm sorry. i knew joan rivers was a great comic when i was 10 years old. >> he has to always end up -- i love bill so much and then he's got to give it to you. you know, i love you too, and you know that. >> i swear to god, she's had so many great eras of her career. she had the johnny carson area. when he liked her. and then there was the other johnny carson era when he hated her. but when she became a giant star on her own that followed her guest hosting on "the tonight show," when she was probably the biggest comedy star in the country for, i don't know, ten years. i mean, did people remember that era when joan rivers was the hottest thing in show business? how could you not list her as one of the great comics? >> larry: by the way, bill, have you seen the film? >> i have not.

>> larry: you will thoroughly enjoy it. you're in. and it portrays the night where you worked -- >> when we worked at the carlin center. >> larry: where she was worried she wasn't going to be funny. >> look who i was up against. don't you worry? >> we all worry about that when we're on the bill with other comics. but you don't have to worry. you did great. i remember that night. and even if you weren't funny, which you're incredibly funny, you'd always be on the cover of "brave girl" magazine in my book. >> larry: well put, bill. thank you. thank you for participating. we loved the movie, bill. >> love you, joan. >> love you back, bill. >> larry: bill maher, he's an exceptional -- >> ups and downs, brilliant. >> larry: look at his, with abc. >> and i don't -- look at what he went through. he got all the country's wrath, because he dared to say the truth after 9/11. you know, we all go up and down. but he's had a great career and

deserves to and has found a great niche as an intellectual comic. >> both of you were network fired and you showed in the film, fox dropped you. >> like a hot cake. >> larry: looking back in retrospect, big mistake to take that job? >> big mistake for them to fire me. >> larry: they must have had a reason. >> it was personal. >> larry: they didn't get much into the reason in the show why they fired you. >> they gave me a choice, you can stay, but your husband has to go. and i go to my husband, and it was thursday to friday, over and out. >> larry: now, carson. he put you on, you were the guest host. why did he get so mad? >> i still don't know. and you knew him better than i. >> he should have been proud. >> he should have been proud. i finally, after my contract was up, done, i took another job. everybody did, cosby did, david brenner did, we all did.

we all went on. i think because i was a woman, he never thought i would leave, or maybe he liked me better, but the minute i became competition, it became out to kill me. out to kill me. and that's what came down. forever. never spoke to me again. >> larry: and there are great scenes in the movie, by the way. >> yeah. >> larry: joan had her share of heartache. it's addressed head-on in this film. more surprises too. f flight, inside and out. to build tomorrow's technology in amazing ways. and reshape the science of aerospace -- forever. around the globe, the people of boeing are working together, for the dreams of generations to come. that's why we're here. ♪

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we're not leaving this room unless we can cut something else. can they really keep us here? what about all this stuff? what stuff? all this stuff. what does it cost to create all this? time, effort, people. how much? it could be millions. ♪ millions. [ male announcer ] save money. trust your business processes to xerox. xerox. ready for real business.

i live very, very, very well. to start with. i enjoy my creature comforts and i know i have to work for it. i can stop and live carefully, but that's ridiculous. i don't want to live carefully. so i would rather work and live the way i live and have a wonderful time. >> we're back with joan rivers, "a piece of work" opens tonight and this weekend. everywhere. she has made it possible for so many people, especially women, to succeed in comedy. here's someone who broke down the door for you. watch. >> hello, joan! it's so good to be wishing you well and i understand you're 77 years old. i can't believe it!

you don't look a day over 27. and of course, i know that you are devoted to plastic surgery, as we all are, ha-ha! but i've loved you all those 77 years, and the characters you built. i love heidi brafowitz, she was my favorite. she's the one whose g-spot was listed in the l.a. tour guide. and i love all the things you do, and i admire you. you're my favorite fie beta kappa. oh, pete doesn't have any idea how brilliant you are. a brilliant woman and thinking of the top of your head every minute. i love you, joan! >> i love her -- you don't know how gracious she is. a funny, never did a bad joke, always current. what a role model.

she saw me when she was at the top of her game and i was just starting in new york. she sat in the front row and she laughed louder than anybody. she encouraged, she came back. phyllis diller has my heart. >> where's her place in this comedic history with women? or should we not even say women? >> no, as a comedian, one of the great stand-ups, one of the most current, always relevant, when she came on stage, when she talked, she talked about, what she read in the paper, and strong. i just think phyllis was an amazing and is an amazing performer. >> larry: and so are you. is there any area you would not go to? >> no. if i think i want to talk about it, then it's right to talk about it. and i purposefully go into area where is people are still very sensitive about. >> larry: why? >> if you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

that's how i've lived my whole life. i swear to you, i'm jewish, if i were in aushowitz, i would have been doing jokes just to make it okay for us. as soon as haiti happened, i was so busy talking about my first jewish cousin they pulled out of the ruins, she was at the neiman marcus rubble, lived on diet coke for four days. when you make something funny, you can take and it deal with it. >> larry: you think funny? >> yeah, and it gets me into trouble. >> larry: yeah, because you see things funny? >> i'll sit in a business meeting and i'll think of something really funny, and they'll look at you and go, shouldn't have said that. >> larry: things in this movie, you get into, they say in this movie you'd do any commercial. anybody. >> anybody. >> larry: you have. >> in a second, sailor.

in a second. >> larry: we're guns for hire. i won't do a product that's going to hurt you. i'm not going to sell baby chinese toys that are painted in lead, but if they -- if it's a decent commercial, depends, here i am. >> larry: so there's no fear at all? there's no connect, right, head to mouth? >> says long -- fear -- if i say it, i figure it's okay. and every once in a while, the audience will go, ah, but i think that's good. >> larry: there's one great scene, when i guy gets mad you, you do a helen keller joke, you don't like children, but -- >> a great child. >> and this kid, this man in the audience has a deaf child and he got very angry. and you really laced into him. >> yeah. >> larry: and you were funny in the lacing and he was angry. didn't you feel anything personal for him? >> terribly sad.

and how sad that a person comes to see a comedy show, what do you think you're going to hear? joan rivers, who's the most edgy person out there, who's going to take you into areas most people are like, uh-uh, here we go, and you're so angry, you've stand up and scream, "i've got a deaf child!" the pain that that man must be living through. and i turned to him and i just said what i said to you, you laugh. i lived with a man for nine years, larry, with one leg, and now i do what it's like to walk up a ramp and miss a party. because that's what we did. you're pushing a damn wheelchair and you see the caterer and come and leave and you're still pushing up the [ bleep ] ramp. it's enough. >> larry: joan rivers, "a piece of work" opens live. she'll be at foxwood the weekend of the 25th and we'll be right back.

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with don rickels, he's one of my oldest friends, one of the dearest men on earth and he's with us on the phone. rickels! >> larry, let me talk to somebody important. is anybody there important? >> larry: joan rivers, what do you want to say to her? >> oh, my god, i love that woman, are you kidding? that woman is so great, does the laundry, cleans the dressing room. and lets her dog run around when it was live. it was so great, pooping all over my carpet it was a joy to be around this woman. >> larry: how did this come about? >> i saw her face before it was lifted. and it shook me up so much. so the public could see what the man in the iron mask went through. she is adorable today, unless the sun comes out. >> larry: don, you've got to have guts. why would you have someone very,

very funny open for you? >> because i'm not like you, see, i'm not afraid of a threat. see, you have on these people, the prime minister of uganda, dummy people that can't warm up a crowd. i have a woman that's dynamite, that knocks people out, she's great. sitting in the dressing with her manager, what's her name? >> jossy. >> a wonderful woman. sitting with a gun and a rifle and a communist hat and sits by the door and guards her. >> larry: do you listen to her act? >> pardon me? >> larry: do you listen to joan's act? >> i've got a lot of my mind. she's working with me. there's nothing in my deal that says i've got to listen to the act. no, no, i do what she does, peeks in the curtain, listens to me for two minutes and says, get the car! the other night in westbury, she had a bunch of jews from the bronx. they all stood in the hallway, she gave it one signal with the hand and said, that's enough, everybody in the car. she said, god forbid they laugh

at me. but she's always good. she's a good kid. she really is. she has a wonderful daughter that she plans kidnaps for. >> larry: hold it, don, she wants to say something about you. what's special about -- >> a, you want to see a master class in comedy, watch don rickeles with an audience, it's a master class. >> we always have a good time. >> and my friends all stay to watch. so i have to hang out. >> larry: this is for both of you, and don, this is serious for a second, don. you don't have to do it financially, why -- >> how do you know? >> larry: don, why do you keep on doing it? >> because audiences show up and i enjoy it and i don't have to worry about being on larry king. and you know, sweetie, i look forward to being with you at foxwoods and god bless you and have many, many more successes and the documentary, i

understand, is just sensational. >> larry: sensational, don. >> i'll bring you one. >> i look forward to it. give my best to your family and what have you. >> larry: thank you, donald. with all, one of the warmest people -- >> again, what you see on stage is only part of what the person is. he is darling, he is sweet, he is caring. he's a great family man. >> larry: does he have that same need that you have, though? i mean -- >> i think i have more. >> larry: he has more? >> i think i have more. i really, i love performing. it's like a drug for me. love what i do. >> larry: so you would work, if they booked you more, you'd work more? >> oh, yeah. when i could put two thoughts together as a child, i knew that's what i wanted to do. there was never a question. and i say in the documentary, well, maybe i'll be this, maybe i'll be that. always, that's where i'm going. didn't know how i was going to get there, but that's where i was going.

>> larry: we're back with joan rivers in a moment, the book -- the book, she's done everything. the movie is "a piece of work" and you'll love it. heel pressure. high arches. (announcer) people everywhere are discovering what's going on with their feet. dr. scholl's custom fit orthotic center. backed by foot care scientists, its foot mapping technology identifies the areas you put pressure on then recommends the right orthotic. for locations see drscholls.com. i know who works differently than many other allergy medications. hoo? omnaris. [ men ] omnaris -- to the nose!

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it's going to be a long evening. we're doing two shows tonight. >> would you mind autographing? >> oh, my goodness, yes, of course. >> every night i'm in new york, i work at some tiny little club where i can practice my act. i just talk about everything and anything that annoys me. >> thank you. >> you don't get the recognition that you deserve. >> damn right, william. see, i have a fan. i have william. >> larry: we're back with joan rivers.

to say that she's inspired a lot of funny women to give comedy a shot is an understatement. here's one of her biggest fans who does not overstate joan's influence. watch. >> hey, joan, it's my, kathy griffin. first of all, congratulations on all the success you're having, again. the documentary is fantastic. you're great. so they asked me to ask a question of you. and i thought, what haven't i asked you? what haven't we talked about? and then i thought, get ready, what do you do when you run into somebody that you put in the act. i know you famously said one time, cher came up to you and said, why aren't i hot enough to be in the act anymore, which was great. but i want to know how you handle any celebrities you had in the act. >> first of all, i adore her. i hide. >> larry: you hide?

>> i only talk about people in the act that i usually say something i don't like about them. >> larry: correct. >> so it's usually about somebody that i don't like -- in cher's case, it was a whole other thing. about what she used to love and she loved being in the act and we were friends. and usually it's someone you really don't like. >> larry: did anyone ever call you? >> mary tyler moore didn't call me for ten years. >> larry: what'd you say about her? >> she said, you said i looked like the joker when i smiled. and i said, first of all, it wasn't a good joke and probably out of the act. but usually what i say about them, i really believe. >> larry: so you mean it when i say it. >> that's when i say, can we talk. i talked about it when michael jackson died and suddenly became this great hero. you know, the world went nuts. i said, has everyone forgotten he was a druggy and pedophile? and then i thought -- i won't go

into what i said in the act, and this one guy called out, and he said, he did the moonwalk, miss rivers. and i said, i'd be walking backwards too. but i try to tell the truth, and a lot of people don't like it. >> larry: joan's daughter, melissa, as she mentioned earlier, is an integral part of this film, "a piece of work." as we discussed earlier, she was very candid about her mom, her mom's career, and what drives comics. watch. >> all stand-ups are innately insecure. who would stand on a stage by themselves and say, laugh, laugh at me, laugh with me, i don't care, just laugh. and i think that's just sort of the nature of the beast. overall, it's just sort of my perception growing up in the world of comedians, they were all very damaged and they need that reassurance. it's all a cover. >> larry: true, huh? >> look how smart she is. >> larry: nailed you. >> nailed me 100%. i was so amazed when i saw her talk. >> larry: what's it like when he

open the page and you're not booked for two weeks? >> you want to kill yourself. first of all, is it over? because we can't do what we love unless we're given a platform to do it. a painter can go and paint. a writer can go and write. a musician can write the music. what am i going to do, stand in my bedroom and tell jokes to the mirror? it's horrible, it's over. >> larry: you're also an actor, and henry fonda told me once if he's between scripts and he doesn't have a script, he's in a panic. do they want me anymore. >> do they want me. henry fonda, it knocks my socks -- i have very good friends who are actresses, major actresses, who aren't working now because they're over a certain age and they're out of their mind. >> larry: and you use your age in the comedy? >> you have to. i just had to have a birthday and to blow out the candle, i had to wear an asbestos dress.

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the minute you're not angry about things, the minute you're not upset about things, what are you talking about?

oh, my grandson was so cute. not my comedy. i'm furious about everything. furious about everything. good things don't always happen to good people. and i'm very angry about it. but i didn't have the angry, the anger fuels the comedy. >> larry: with us now, by what process do we call this? skype. there he is! howie mandel. >> howie on skype! >> i'm on skype. >> i'm very impressed. >> this is new school. >> yeah. who ever thought -- >> my germophobia has gotten crazier, i'm actually ten feet from you, but i don't want to go near you. i just wanted to be part of this. first of all, i can't wait to see her movie and i hear fabulous things about it, but i wanted to be part of this, because she is more than just a comic. she's one of the most prolific comics, always has new material, never stops, but beyond that, she has a great eye, i think,

for talent, because she has been a really prominent part of my career. when i started in the '70s, the litmus test for being considered a comedian was doing the johnny carson show, was doing "the tonight show," and if you walked up to somebody who didn't know you and they said, what are you doing, and they said, i'm a comedian, they would say, have you been on "the tonight show"? and if you said no, it held no water. and i auditioned and auditioned and auditioned and tried to get on, and the bookers told me not only would it not ready, i would never be on. and one night joan saw me when she was filling in for johnny and she would come out and work out her set on the comedy store and i had gone on prior to her and she came on that night, i don't know if she remembers this, and she said, have you ever been on "the tonight show," and i said, i would love to, it's my birthday this week, and she brought me on. and my life changed from that

night on. my exposure i don't think exists like that -- except this show -- exists like that today, where you have a life-changing appearance. and that was a life-changing appearance. >> larry: howie, in the realm of comedy, as comics talk about comics, where do you rank joan rivers? >> be careful. >> well, from one to orange -- >> larry: no, i mean -- >> you know, i don't want to say this, but i think she's so young in spirit, but she's a legend. in the forefront of comedy, she's opened doors for females in comedy. she's opened doors for people like me, who didn't have the opportunity that i would have had if she hadn't been there. every time i watch her in any appearance, she always and continuously makes me laugh. a lot of comics that i started with, they aren't -- they just give up or fall by the wayside in their writing.

they just don't have it anymore. it only continues so long, with that spark. that spark continues with her. she's still as vibrant as she ever was, the first time i saw her on television. she's not afraid to poke fun of herself and others. she's just got so much energy and the great work ethic and ultimately a great heart and a great family, which is very apparent in the relationship between her and her daughter. family comes first. and i kind of look up to her in not only how she runs her career, but how she runs her life. and i just love her. i don't get a chance to tell her that. >> larry: you did now. >> i watch everything you do and i can't wait to see your movie. >> well, i love you and if you really love me, you'll pay. >> larry: howie, thanks. howie mandel. i didn't know that story, that you saw him and gave him a shot. >> yeah. i saw him and he was ready and they wouldn't put him on.

one person doesn't like you, you don't go on. i said i want this kid on with me. >> larry: how did he do that night? >> great, but he was ready. >> larry: a piece of work shows joan rivers without makeup and features her trademark candor about her appearance. watch this excerpt. >> it's very scary when you see yourself totally without any makeup. it's really -- it gives me the willies. >> why? >> who is that person? so i get up in the morning and the first thing i do, i get into makeup. now, i was never the natural beauty. no man has ever, ever told me i'm beautiful. they said to me, you look great, you look this. you're terrific. but no man has ever said, oh, my god, you're so beautiful. >> larry: don't you think you're pretty? >> eh, only time my husband ever threw me down on the bed, i was black in the tv. >> larry: sad about the death of

your husband. >> oh, yeah. >> larry: as we've seen, joan is not slowing down. what's next? we'll talk about that after break. we'll talk about her winning the apprentice show and another surprise or two. as the festival of tafetta and tuxes, known as prom season, winds down, some young people fighting life-threatening illnesses will miss it. but this cnn hero is giving seriously ill teens their night to remember. take a look. >> small here and put medium on the floor. >> my best friend, trudy, passed away when we were in high school. one thing we really wanted to do was attend prom together and we never had a chance to do it. i didn't want to forget her

charm, how funny she was, how optimistic she was. i just knew i had to do something. my name is fred scarf and i organized proms for teens who may not live long enough to attend their own. >> hi, guys. >> these battles go on for years. they're continually running a marathon and they're never going to get a break. these proms provide you with this break and create a milestone and capture these kids' imagination. they can put on a tux, have a night off and be themselves. we're going to get them all in the same place by the end of the night, which literally is on the dance floor and just enjoying themselves. >> by the way, i hope you don't mind, i'm stealing all yore girls right now. trudy would say oh, my gosh, fred and laugh and hit me or something. i think she would be very proud, yeah. >> larry: fred scarf's work has made prom dreams come true for more than 400 sick teens. to see one young woman get ready for her big night or nominate someone who you think is

changing the world, go to cnn heroes.com. right now, there's a nurse saving a life in baltimore. 20 minutes later, she'll bring one into the world in seattle. later today, she'll help an accident victim in kansas. how can one nurse be in all these places? through the nurses she taught in this place. johnson & johnson knows, behind every nurse who touches a life... there's a nurse educator... who first touched them. ♪ you're a nurse ♪ you make a difference

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>> you are a force of nature and i appreciate the fact that i can talk about you to you in front of these wonderful people on the 76 or! year since your birth. i think you are older. check your birth certificate. did you ever fail or, off and

say i did not do it? or ever say i could go back and say this. let me hear womack think that you could have said that she didn't say to somebody when you had the chance to. >> he is amazing. jokes the day after 9/11 just to get it into place. >> larry: do you think about dying? >> well, yes. i think the way people treat it is terrible. >> larry: meaning? >> this country. nobody even says they're dead. he passed. that's the whole point. he didn't pass. he stopped. he stayed. when they say he's in a better place. i always want to say, that's not so. he had a house in the hamptons. of course you think about dying. of course. >> larry: what was it like? you didn't want to do a comedy central roast. >> didn't want to do it. >> larry: you roast people all the time.

>> i don't like when they -- i hate when they say you're an idiot, a fool, i really love you. enough. >> larry: you don't do buts in your show? >> i don't do buts. i don't do but i love you. >> larry: what did you think going into "the apprentice"? >> i went in dubious about donald trump, came out a fan. >> larry: good guy too. >> great guy. decent guy and, boy oh, boy, knows every minute -- >> larry: you didn't like the finalist. >> no. she plays people like she plays boca. >> larry: you wanted to beat her? it was personal? >> at the end i got so crazy, it was -- i had to beat her. it was like the crusades. it was like i've got to win for the good people. i was insane. >> larry: how was that moment when donald -- he does those pauses so great. >> yeah.

i really never allow my -- i've been knocked so many times, i really didn't allow myself to think i'm going to win. i didn't think i was going to win. and so when he said and the winner -- you know -- >> larry: you're fired. >> you're fired to her, i thought oh, my god, this is -- >> larry: you did a play. it was a great play. you didn't take it to new york because you were worried about the critics. people in london didn't like it. that affected you. what are you going to do? are you going to do anything else except monologue? >> oh, no. my career continues with public stand-up appearances. melissa and i have a new show "mother knows best". >> larry: television show? >> television show. i'm moving in with her because i'm thinking about coming back to california so i'm going to test it with melissa. poor melissa. and how did you get so rich is going to its third season. so all good -- qvc, god bless qvc and my ladies. >>arry: you are a mogul. >> well, not really.