sound, that saved a wretch like me ♪ >> thanks for watching "state of the union." i'm candy crowley in washington. we'll see you next week. -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com >> larry: tonight, elizabeth edwards, a prime-time exclusive. on her husband's shocking affair that wrecked her marriage. >> i think it's important for me to understand i didn't do anything wrong. >> larry: the baby he fathered with his mistress. >> i have seen the child actually. >> larry: what the scandal did to her. >> it personally tore me up.

>> larry: and how she feels right now about the man who betrayed her. do you love john? >> um -- >> reporter: the resilient elizabeth edwards is next on "larry king live." >> larry: it's a great pleasure to welcome back to "larry king live" one of my favorite people, elizabeth edwards, the author of the number-one "new york times" best-seller "resilience, reflections on the burdens and gifts of facing life's adversities." it's now out in paperback. with a very candid and compelling new afterword. elizabeth is a senior fellow with the center for american progress working on health care issues. it's always good to see you. you look so good. you got to tell me. how are you feeling? >> i feel great actually. you know, i'm always going to have some sort of treatment. i'm on chemotherapy now. had chemotherapy this morning, matter of fact, in north carolina. and sometimes the treatment gets

you down. but the disease is not getting me down. >> larry: what does the chemo do? you're in stage 4, right? >> i'm stage 4. the chemo i'm taking right now actually has a lot of effect on my blood. so i'm not supposed to cut my cuticles or floss or do things that might introduce infection. and sometimes i'm breathless. a little, you know. so i'm planning a trip with the children. i've got to make sure i have someone to help me. you know, because probably, times, i'm not going to be able to move luggage for two children and for me. there are little things you have to plan ahead for. >> larry: we're not going to get into the specifics of your disease. having had friends take it, i've had a couple of friends that didn't like it so much they gave up. >> i have heard that happening. a great example, melissa ethridge. we had breast cancer at the same

time. she was doing kchemotherapy. it has a lot of effect on your fingers and your hands. because she uses her hands in her trade, she found it to be a real problem for her. she hasn't had any bad results from that, which i'm really delighted. makes me nervous. >> larry: this sounds weird, but do the doctors tell you why you're still here? >> no, and they don't tell me when they expect me to go. what i understand is -- it's not going to be -- if i'm feeling good, that's a good sign. all of a sudden fall off a cliff. it's a slow decline as the disease progresses. >> larry: pain? >> probably. i try really hard not to focus what the end is going to look like. the more time i spend doing that the less time i'm enjoying the days i have now. >> larry: how do you not think about it? >> there are times when you do. i don't really think about it when i'm getting chemotherapy. the people who take care of me are wonderful, you know, terrific people. i made jerome who gives me infusions bring me his high school yearbook.

i've got to bring it again next week. they become friends of yours. when you go to visit them, it doesn't seem -- when you go to have scans, when you go to find out if the disease is progressing, those are the times when it's really hard not to let it get into your head. >> larry: is resilience something you learn you have when misfortunate occurs? >> i think that's probably true of a lot of people, you know, who -- >> larry: how do we know how we'll handle something until we have to handle it? >> you don't. you know? i think most people -- i don't think i'm special in any way. i think most people do pull themselves together, do what it is that needs to be done. sometimes you're thrown for a loop for a little while. and then you start to reclaim. i think it's that getting back on the right path, that's the hard part. you know, you can't let yourself go down the chasm. you have to really get yourself back on the right path. >> larry: was the worst when they first told you? >> the worst -- >> larry: mentally? >> mentally, the worst, was when i very first heard. i just didn't know what to expect. i didn't know whether the information -- how bad the information i was getting was.

how bad is it? not how bad the information is, but how bad the cancer is. i had a great oncologist, lisa kerry who was telling me, you know, if you see a bone scan and you don't -- lights don't look like a christmas tree or like larry king's backdrop, then you're in good shape. you know, that means that you've got contained locations. it's when it starts being really bright that you -- and so she gave me some landmarks to -- but, still, it was scary. >> larry: the hard cover was a major best-seller. >> it was. it was very successful. >> larry: because of events, did you almost have to write an afterword? >> i did feel like i had -- it was going to come out in paperback. if it came out in paperback, when i wrote the paperback, john, my husband and i were still together. when the paperback came out, we had separated. >> larry: the public would expect to read about it. >> if the book ended with our being together, then it wasn't -- it would be weird.

it wouldn't be an accurate book. that's actually why i included a lot of the stuff in it. i wanted the book to be accurate. i didn't want it to be sensational. but i wanted it to be accurate. >> larry: but you also took out some things. >> yep. >> larry: why? >> well, in the paperback, i don't think i took out -- >> larry: no, no, some things from the original. >> there were books -- there were things that i had that, you know, sort of were bothering me about the way the story was getting told. and, you know, so i sort of felt like i needed to answer them. i also want to move on in my life. so i don't want to answer them. i don't want to get into a shouting -- you know, the last person on "larry king" gets to tell the story, you know, of the way it is. i don't want that. i want to move on. so some things -- >> larry: you should be heard, though. you don't want to leave things. >> there are some things that are important for me, you know. and i've said them and i think finally they're sort of in the popular culture or, you know, to the extent that any of this is. but there's some understanding about what i knew and when i knew it that i was not complicit in any of this.

and that's important to me. i want people to see me as a moral person who tries to make the right decision when the time comes. so that was important to me. but aside from that, honestly, i think it's, you know, the rest of how people feel about me is probably how i live the rest of my life. not necessarily, you know, what was said or not said. >> larry: you're legally separated, right? >> we have a separation agreement. >> larry: are you going to get divorced or does that matter? >> it matters and doesn't, you know. i mean, i think it's one of those things, you need to have all your arrangements in the right way, particularly with children. but, you know, when the time comes -- i don't imagine any of us have on our calendar -- either of us have on our calendar this is the day in which we can -- because that part -- we've got an amicable way of dealing with the kids and dealing with one another that

is, you know, has really been quite satisfactory. >> larry: because you're the pained one. so it has to be satisfactory to you. >> i think that there's enough pain in my family to go around everybody. >> larry: so we have it right and the audience understands, nowhere in "resilience" do you name the woman with whom your husband had an affair and the daughter. you've asked us out of consideration not to use the name either. we will respect that. we'll be right back. >> thank you. [ male announcer ] when we built our first hybrid, youtube didn't exist. and facebook was still run out of a dorm room. when we built our first hybrid, more people had landlines than cell phones,

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>> larry: we're back with elizabeth edwards. "resilience," terrific book, with a new afterword, now out in paperback. you have had to deal, in your life, with loss. the loss of a husband. nothing compares in loss to the death of a child though, right? >> nothing. nothing compares. >> larry: it's a distant second. >> right. in some ways, that helps you keep some balance, you know, about how important whatever pain you're going through now is. it really does give you some perspective on it. doesn't mean it hurts less. but it does -- you know, you say if i had to choose between one of these, what would i choose, this is a no-brainer. this is a no-brainer. >> larry: we're honoring the name thing and i understand it. is it that you have difficulty with it? >> no, what it is, this is my story, and if people want to talk about that part of the story, they're not talking about the book. if you were talking about the book and --

>> larry: the book is about resilience. >> the book is about what i went through. when wade died or when the cancer came or when the cancer came back or when i found out that my marriage was not, you know, all i believed and hoped that it was. what did i do. not what did anybody else do, but what did i do. and so if somebody wants to talk about that, they're clearly -- it's more a sensational kind of thing. and so it's not what the book is about. i hope that i'm promoting the book. >> larry: have you ever spoken to any of the other parties involved? like to the woman? have you ever spoken to the woman? >> no. i've only been in the same place she has once. and that was before i knew anything. we just really -- it was just passing in a hallway. >> larry: you've not seen the child or anything? >> i have seen the child actually. >> larry: you have? on what occasion? >> when john and i were together, and he was, you know, wanted to be a father, which i admired, that he should -- when he found out that, in fact, this was his child, he wanted to be a

father, and if that were the case and we were together, i would be this child's stepmother. and so it was important. we went down -- >> larry: right. >> i know. we went down to charlotte. and a third party picked up quinn and brought her to where we were. and i let -- john spent some time alone with her. we bought christmas -- it was before christmas. we bought christmas presents and dresses and little things. >> larry: was it strange for you? awkward? >> no, it was not awkward in the least. she didn't know who i was. that was something she was going to learn over time. unlike john, she didn't have a name -- there was not going to be a name that she then associated with me. but i love children and, you know, sitting there playing with toys with her, she seemed like a really nice child, and -- >> larry: what did you think -- >> i look forward to having a relationship with her at that time. >> larry: you do? >> i did. >> larry: now? >> now there's no reason really for me to.

>> larry: did you read or what do you make of the interview that she did with "gq"? >> i -- really, i read a portion of it that my sister forwarded to me, but i didn't read the whole thing. my sister gets incensed and will send me something that makes her mad. >> larry: let's clear something up. because she said -- she said your relationship was dysfunctional, toxic, way before she came along. >> if that were true, why would john and i have worked so hard under such difficult and public circumstances to make the relationship work? we really -- we both -- i mean, i really think we both worked hard in the end to make it work. i did not think -- i mean, and i suppose there are a lot of women in her position who like to justify their behavior. >> larry: rationalize. >> right, rationalize it. by thinking this relationship in which they're thrusting themselves wasn't valuable to begin with. it was clearly valuable to both of us. and something that we tried very hard to save. >> larry: how did you deal with the pain -- you've had to deal with major pains.

you have cancer. your child is dead. >> yes. >> larry: how did you deal with the pain of the discovery of what he did? >> what was hard about this, and this is where i had to -- i had -- this is part of the -- >> larry: this is resilience. >> this is part of the resilience thing that you have to do with. it's really hard not to attach it to yourself. not to say what did i do wrong. and then go back. but what i understand from re reading is it very often has nothing to do with the relationship. that a spouse can love their husband or their wife very dearly, and it doesn't mean there's not something some place -- nobody is the 100% match of everything you need. there isn't some place where you have a need and there's somebody who comes along at that time and is able to fill it. and that doesn't mean that there was an unsatisfactory relationship or that i had done something wrong. >> larry: you don't look in the mirror and say "what did i do wrong?" >> no. do i do it occasionally? of course i do.

i think it's important to -- for me to understand i didn't do anything wrong. not just important for me, but important also for my children to understand that what -- the mother they saw, the wife that they saw, trying to support her husband in his -- his quest, in his dreams, i'm still -- you know, printing out google instructions -- directions for him to get -- he took jack to sports camp. i'm still printing out the directions. because this is the kind of supportive thing that you do for somebody you're living with and care about and and you have sort of the -- i feel like we had a symbiotic way of dealing with one another. he did things for me. >> larry: that doesn't go away. >> the hardest part, i think, was feeling like somebody who had been -- who had been the person i had leaned on when i needed somebody. when wade had died. when the cancer came.

i think it's probably been hard for him, too, to see himself in this new light, as not the person on whom i feel i can lean. >> larry: he disappointed a lot of people. >> disappointed a lot of people. i think that probably includes himself. >> larry: also in "gq." this we should clear up. is her claim that the account you wrote in "resilience" about how you found out about the affair is factually incorrect. >> i, i -- >> larry: how would she know how you found out? >> right. i -- i -- there's nothing in "resilience" that's incorrect. i mean -- >> larry: how you found out is how you found out. >> how i found out is how i found out. >> larry: the cell phone thing. >> right. i found out from the cell phone. i don't know what she says about it. so i don't know what she said is different. in any event, it doesn't matter. i'm -- >> larry: yeah. >> i really believe it's important to be honest. but, you know, that's what these books are about. >> larry: do you deal with trust now in john? >> you know, it's still -- it is still hard. you know. but i don't have the same need

to trust him at the same level. i mean, he has his own life now, which he's entitled to. and it has boundaries. and i don't have to know, you know, in the same way that i wife knows. >> larry: we'll be right back. the book is terrific. the afterword, lots more to talk about, other than this. elizabeth edwards, reflections on the burdens and gifts of facing life's adversities. the book is "resilience." we'll be right back. ♪ this is our pool. ♪ our fireworks. ♪ and our slip and slide. you have your idea of summer fun, and we have ours. now during the summer event get an exceptionally engineered e-class for 1.9 percent apr or lease one for $689 a month.

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>> larry: we're back with elizabeth edwards. the book is "resilience." photos accompanying that "gq" article caused a lot of fuss. "people" magazine quoted a friend of yours as saying you were disgusted by the pictures. is that a correct quote? >> i don't know that i actually used that word. somebody may have -- i did see the pictures. i think it's really important when you're a mother to convey

that that's the role you value. and i think she just had probably too many ts to cross. she also wanted to be viewed as sexy and everything else. at some point, you can be sexy, but that can't be your goal. >> larry: were you jealous? >> oh, no. no. i'm 60. i'll be 61 in the beginning of july. i quit being jealous of younger women. >> larry: did you watch her on oprah. >> i did. i taped it and watched it later. >> larry: was that hard? >> no, it wasn't hard. it wasn't hard. >> larry: really? >> no. >> larry: you have a lot of resilience. >> i ought to write a book like that. yeah. >> larry: it wasn't hard to watch? >> no. >> larry: all right, let's get to what we have to get to. in which a lot of people were shocked. and that's the book "game change." >> yep. >> larry: the best-seller written by john heilemannd and mark halperin, two respected reporters, and is very critical of you with quotes from staff and others. did you read the book? >> i did not read the book. >> larry: you must know about this -- >> i do know about it.

there are some things that actually -- that did happen. in this book. a time when i was in a lot of pain. the various staff members are actually probably limited to maybe two staff members. to say in the -- you know, after the campaign the people who worked closest with me started a google group, i heart elizabeth. these people are not mad at me. they're still great friends of mine. there were some people who were disgruntled, doesn't -- about one thing or another. doesn't surprise me. the people with whom i was closest i still am close. the people with whom i was disappointed in their performance i think had a lot of opportunities. very disappointed. i do know mark halperin. i'm very disappointed they made no effort to contact me. >> larry: never tried to call you? >> no. it's not that hard to reach me. >> larry: no. >> and they made no effort. it would have been nice if they

had. not because -- some of the things are not true. that i understand are in there. but some of the things -- >> larry: well, they make you almost like a devil. >> yeah. and, um, they're just, you know -- were there times on the road when it was tense with john? yes. did i ever say john doesn't -- you know, i read books, john doesn't, for example? john reads ten times the number of books i do. i mean, i would never have said that. if i ever called him a hick, it was because he liked to be called a hick, you know? oh, you're such a hick, you know, you're such a country boy. i don't know that -- hick's not really a word i'd use. >> larry: did it bother you, though, that -- or when you have stage 4 cancer, does nothing bother you? >> no, it bothered me. i wrote this in the last chapter. i wish i didn't care what people thought of me. but when people say things about me that are not true or that could be -- if you explained the circumstances, they might have a different perspective, then it

hurts me that people might read that and believe it. >> larry: how angry were you at andrew young for writing that book "the politician," he was john's aide, the guy who was supposed to be the -- pretend he was the father. did you read that book? >> i did not read that book. >> larry: he made a lot of appearances. not here. >> he did make a lot of appearances. i certainly would see things. that book -- this is not just my perspective, but from -- that book is absolutely -- the thing is, he had a story to tell. but in that story, he wasn't a hero in that story. in the real story. so he wrote a story where he got to be the hero, which meant demonizing everybody else. i banned andrew young from my house in february of 2007 before i knew any of this because he lied so often. i just could not believe anything he said. told him if he came back on my property, i'd have him arrested. i can't have you around me. >> larry: really? do you think he had it in for you? >> yes. and as i -- and i had someone contact his -- his publisher and

tell them that, that the stories that he was promoting, when he was trying to sell the book, that those stories about me were not true, and that they needed to be careful, because, you know, i thought he bore a lot of malice towards me. >> larry: did you threaten him with alienation of affection? >> i did ask -- i did ask him, you know, sort of a fairness -- one of the things that, after wade died, john and i did is we started the wade edwards foundation. it provides computer labs for kids who don't have access to these kinds of facilities. they don't have a computer at home or they don't -- can't get a ride to the library. so after school, they can go straight over in the activity bus and do their work on computers and print out their term papers, just like the kids who have computers at home, and then take the activity buses home. and it works great. i said, you know, i thought that it's a matter of fairness that he ought to contribute some of what -- you know, it was

actually fairly small, considering what he's undoubtedly made on this book. >> larry: did he? >> no. he did not. >> larry: we'll be back with more. we're going to read from the book. so will elizabeth. the book is "resilience" now in paperback with a new afterword. we'll be right back. e best coverage in america including a 100,000 mile powertrain warranty. that's 40,000 more miles than ford. chevy silverado half-ton. a consumers digest best buy and the most dependable, longest lasting full-size pickups on the road. get 0% apr for 72 months on 2010 silverado half-ton models with an average finance savings of around $6,000.

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>> larry: we're back with elizabeth edwards. i don't mean to be fussy, but they say we weren't clear on how you learned. apparently she says it was by cell phone. you said he told you. i think when i asked you, it was not clear how you -- >> not clear. >> larry: yeah. >> i had sort of a tip and john -- i went to john and said, did he have something he wanted to tell me about. >> larry: the tip was from a cell phone -- >> the tip was from a cell phone. >> larry: so they're both correct. >> they're both -- i've not read hers. so i don't know what she says. that's why i said -- >> larry: i got it. >> yep. >> larry: all right. you still supported him after you knew about the cheating. >> i knew -- >> larry: in the run for the presidency. >> i knew about one incident. understand, the whole time he ran for office, i knew that he had had one liaison. it still tore me up. i mean personally tore me up.

did i think that one liaison would disqualify him to be the president? you know, we've had great presidents who i would hope one liaison would not have stopped from serving us. that's what i believed. and i believed that until -- golly, maybe long after it made any sense to. certainly long after he was out of the race. and so sometimes i had to, you know, bite my tongue. i talked a lot about his policies. which i still believe were the best policies and set the standard for the other candidates on a lot of -- on a lot of issues, health care being one of them, but environment and poverty. and corporate interference with government. and i really believed that i could talk about those things. and mean every word that i was saying. and have him as an advocate for those issues. and mean that as well. >> larry: while we talk about some issues, i want to read one segment from the book. >> okay. >> larry: then i'll have you read.

>> okay. >> larry: here's what i'm going to read. i never asked to be a public figure. when john ran for the senate, i attended exactly three campaign events. but it happened. and the warnings that you have no privacy did not scare me. what did i have to hide, foolish me thought then. i had lived my life on military bases with someone watching all the time. the door of my house in raleigh was always open. the warning i did get was that my story could be public. the warning i did not get about being in the public eye is that anyone who wants to could write my story. and there'll be some people who will believe it. >> yep. >> larry: is that the age we live in? >> i'm afraid that's the age we live in. there are outrageous things published all the time about all sorts of people. and there's a group of -- there's a group of people who are going to believe them. a group of people who are going to believe them. and there's nothing -- you know, you can't go around refuting every story. sometimes you just have to let it go and figure that your conduct from here on out will prove that it was true or untrue. >> larry: you were in the tabloids almost all the time, right? >> yep. >> larry: the last time, you were dead.

>> i know, and i was -- that's right. i was dying within six months. i think that six months might have come and gone. or i was grooming my daughter to raise my children. my 28-year-old daughter, kate. who it's long been in our wills, if both of us die, you know, i want her to raise my children. but they need to have a positive relationship with their father. and i actually responded to that one because i thought that was counterproductive to what i was hoping they would have. >> larry: okay. you'll read another two portions as we go on. let's move to other areas. what do you make of obama? >> um, i think that there have been very few presidents faced with as many different fronts to try to deal with at one time. very pleased that he put health care on the front -- on the front burner. i think that it -- american

people's lives, it turns out to be -- very unhappy that it happened at the same time we had the mortgage crisis and financial meltdown. because it meant that people didn't -- they were in economic chaos and weren't entirely certain why that was. you know, truth is, half of the foreclosures in this country actually take place because of medical costs. not just that they've got subprime mortgages or other mortgages that are -- where they're under water. he's had a lot to deal with at one time. if i were getting to make the choices, would i do it exactly the same way? i wouldn't. >> larry: how do you make of this statement. i had lunch today with a crisis expert who says he sees his problem as hesitancy. that he's not -- like he should have grabbed bp by the throat. >> right, to begin with. >> larry: first day. >> right. and -- and -- in his interview with matt lauer, he had said, you know, i was paying attention to this when the talking heads weren't. i thought, the talking heads -- this was a really tasty story. the talking heads were talking about this from the very

beginning. >> larry: you think he's a little weak in that area? >> no, i think he is contemplative. which in most -- maybe in most times, that's exactly what you want in a president. sometimes, though, you need to -- you need to be sort of a man of action. i think -- it shows from his -- when he was trying -- when he was having his i'm rough on bp speech, it was clear that was not his comfort zone. >> larry: well, he told me in an interview he was angry. >> i'm sure he is. but he's angry, you know. we're angry. >> larry: we'll have more with the candid elizabeth edwards. the book "resilience," next. don't go away. zegerid otc is the first 24-hour treatment ever with two active ingredients: prescription-strength medicine plus a protective ingredient that shields the medicine from stomach acid so it's effectively absorbed. just one zegerid otc capsule a day can relieve your heartburn all day and all night. if you have frequent heartburn,

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>> larry: back with elizabeth edwards. before i have you read one passage from the book, a cnn opinion research poll from late last month shows a majority, 56%, still disapprove of the health care bill. what do you make of that? >> i think people don't -- they haven't yet seen the benefits coming to them. and when they see the benefits coming to them, i think the number will go up. i think that there was some things we needed to do that we didn't do. we did not create real competition for these insurance companies. so we're still seeing -- we're still seeing them up their premiums to individuals and to businesses. and that's going to, you know, create a problem in the -- certainly in the short term, before these -- before we start having these exchanges, where people who are out of the market for one reason or another are able to get in at a better rate. until then, i think -- >> larry: it's a process, right? yeah. >> it's a process.

i think there were people who were dissatisfied with social security when it started, too. >> larry: we'll have you read two, but do one now. >> okay. i wrote in this book, meaning earlier in the first chapters of the book, about seeing your situation for what it is and taking action. but i had not acted myself. maybe it was that 38-year investment i had in my marriage. maybe it was that i could not separate the flawed man before me from the boy with whom i fell in love in 1975. it does not matter now. but finally at the end of 2009, i realized i could not simply wish us to some final days. i decided i do not want to be that person hoping for a day that may never come. that sad, bitter, unhappy person. finally, i've taken the steps i need to take to never be that person. it's one of the things i left behind when i closed that door behind john. >> larry: was this hard to write? >> it was hard to write. it was hard to write it with the right tone. because that sad, bitter,

unhappy person wasn't that far behind me. but i really was more hopeful. and i wanted the book, though -- some people have criticized the book saying how could you write about some of these things with your honor children out there. like my children were somehow living with their heads in the sand and knew nothing about it. i wanted them to see from my perspective and not just see it with -- the pain they saw, they knew was there. but also to see it with some degree of hopefulness. both in the original version and then in the new version with the new life. i wanted them to see it in a hopeful way. that i wasn't looking back on everything and saying woe is me, what a victim i am. but that my fate is my responsibility. and i have to take hold of and make my own -- make the choices that are right for me. i made a lot of choices i thought were right for my children. i don't think they turned out to be. i thought they were at the time. so i made choices that are right for me. and i think turned out, then, also to be right for the children because they have a happier, you know, less bitter sane mother, who's able to get through a day.

>> larry: how do they feel about their father? >> you know, emma claire is at softball practice. all-star softball team. softball practice with her dad. they are proud of their dad. jack called on his way up to sports camp. his father drove him to sports camp. and said, we stopped at an applebee's and everybody wanted to have their picture taken with dad. you can see he acted like he was embarrassed but he was also proud, too. particularly, he was driving through western virginia -- not west virginia but western virginia. where there's a lot of poverty. those people say, okay, he messed up, but this guy was -- he was caring about us. you know. and so i think they give him a little more leeway than -- >> larry: do the kids -- have the kids met their stepsister? >> no, no. they have not. there'll come a time when they have. but quinn i think will be coming up on 2 1/2.

i think that when she starts creating more memories and when john has a better -- a more long-standing relationship with her and she can come visit him, i think that will happen. >> larry: you write in your afterword, quote, right now, i want to live for eight more years, to finish the one job i know i did better than any other. that job is raising your kids. >> yes. >> larry: what if you don't get the eight years? >> i'll be sad for me and sad for them. i'd like to -- you know, i'd like to be -- i'd like for them to see me seeing them off into their new life. one of the things about wade having died when he was 16, eight years would mean -- jack was 18. when wade was 16, i could see the young man he was going to be. if i had died when he was 16, he would know i saw the young man he was going to be. i think that would give him some satisfaction. our relationship had changed a little bit as he had aged to that point. i'd like to get to that point

with my older children, too. so they -- as adults, they would see me as still, you know, a presence in their life, and not as that distant memory of the -- you know, the woman playing legos with them on the floor. but someone who was a real part but someone who was a real part of their lives. >> larry: elizabeth edwards. she'll read another segment from the book right after this. or anything in the house... without blueprint from chase. create a plan to pay off large purchases... and save money on interest. does your credit card have blueprint? design your plan at 866 blueprint. ♪ ♪ when you have a different perspective on things you don't end up with just another car. you end up with a saab.

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>> larry: we're back with elizabeth edwards. the paperback now out of the

major best-seller in hard cover, now a paperback. read another little segment from the book. this one's short. >> those closest to me saw the torment inside me. saw it seep into other parts of my life. but now as i try to put that life back together, to find the new imperfect and, yes, unsaintly me, i need to think about myself and who i really am and what i really want. and like so many women, what i want revolving around my family. i actually had written in the hardback originally that i was going through a lot of this torment. before anybody drew a picture of me that was unsaintly, i drew a picture of myself, basically saying, you know, i'd been angry beyond reason sometimes. i just didn't know what -- didn't know what -- i didn't expect this. i had no -- no place to tap inside me. and so i was -- i spent a lot of time very angry. and frustrated.

and so -- and i was -- i tried to be honest about that. i didn't go on and on about myself. but i did try to be honest. and that's what -- and i needed to leave behind. i needed to leave these people behind me. i needed to leave that life behind me. and do something that is better for my health, better for my kids, better probably for my longevity. >> larry: you know, when it happens, and we hope it doesn't happen, john's going to get hit awful hard. you know he's going to take a brutal beating. >> which, you know, he has to be responsible for himself. just breaks my heart for my children. because one of the things that i really want is for them to have -- because they'll need it. they'll need to have a good relationship with their father. and so that's enormously important to me. he's been a great father to them in a lot of ways. in some ways, has he failed them? yes.

but in so many ways, he's been really a spectacular father. and i want them to have that. so if he's getting beat up, it's just going to make that more difficult. >> larry: is he practicing law? >> no. >> larry: why not? >> well, i think he's sort of talked to people about doing it, but he's, you know, sort of waiting for lots of leaves to fall off the tree or shoes to fall off or whatever it is. waiting for all that stuff to be behind him. >> larry: you are a vital woman. you are only 60. i say that only because -- >> that was nice of you to say. >> larry: 60 is yesterday's 48. >> that's right. >> larry: what do you do about affection? >> i get, you know, sort of the -- that's a really good question, i think, and something that i've thought about and that does make me sad to think that, you know, i may live out the rest of my days, and the likelihood is i'll live out the rest of my days without someone

who i've got -- >> larry: holding you? >> holding me. holding me in the passionate way. i've got -- i mean iget more hugs than you can possibly imagine. i can't go through the airport -- the tsa woman at the airport. any place i go, i get lots of hugs from people. and they really mean it, and it means a lot to me. but different kind of affection and i also have tons of friends and an unbelievable family. i just have a great family. but that other kind of affection may be behind me. i can't imagine, honestly, i can't imagine circumstances where i would fall in love or that anyone would fall in love with me. and it is hard sometimes to think that that's a part of my past. >> larry: you love john? >> it's -- that's a hard question to answer because i know more than one john, you know. and is there a john that i love and will always love? there absolutely is. do i think that he's there some place? i do. i believe that he's there.

but, you know, the last few years i haven't lived with that john n that's been really hard. and the john that, you know, that i was live with was not a john that, you know it was -- it's complicated because it looked like him. talked like him. but it was not a john -- >> larry: his followers sure loved him. >> yeah. because he stood for so many things that really mattered. still does. one of the things that's very frustrating to him is the things that really matter to him, the person he really is, is unable to act out. >> larry: our remaining moments with elizabeth edwards right after this. get one of these every six months you go without an accident. [ judy ] what are you waiting for? call or click today for a free quote or to find an allstate agent. [ male announcer ] if you have type 2 diabetes,

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>> larry: just a couple moments left. elizabeth edwards' book is "resilience." >> what do you make of al and tipper gore? >> it makes me sad, obviously, as it makes a lot of people sad. i'm extremely fond of them. they're not extremely close

friends of mine but i've had dealings with them over the years. tipper did pictures for an interview for me in "elle" magazine once and then i took a picture of her -- >> she's a great photographer. >> she is a great photographer. i definitely got the better end of this deal. for the contributor's page i took a picture of her in a mustang al had bought for her which was just like the mustang she had when she was in high school, her first car. so you could see the affection they had for one another, but, you know, california and washington, d.c., and nashville with their lives spread out that much it may have been that at some point it was just easier. >> larry: what do you make of michelle obama? >> i think she's doing a really good job with -- i see a lot of people saying she really wanted to be first lady. i think she's doing a splendid job. >> larry: worst job, why? worst job, why? >> because people talk about what you are wearing. if you talk about any real issue and you know she cares about

real issues, people can be critical of you that you are talking about a real issue. and i can't imagine being able to keep your mouth shut for four years or eight years and not talk about anything that really matters. >> larry: and raising kids. >> and raising kids at the same time. her girls look lovely. i think she's doing a great job. i love that she's wearing american designers. i think that's fan taskt. >> larry: you put it in the subtitle "reflections on the burdens and gifts of facing life's adversities." burdens are obvious. what are the gifts? >> the gifts are that, you know, you are reminded time and again. the easiest example is wade's death because it's not so -- there's not so many other parts of it. when wade died it was just terrible burden. but it also reminded you both of the fact that you needed to grab hold of each day. you couldn't just take each day for granted. you had to make each day matter. make each interchange with

people you cared about matter. in my family, my dysfunctional family it was lots of i love yous, lots of hugs, lots of constant reminders that we cared about one another. and i think that was a gift wade gave us. i think he made us understand that it was really important. emma claire when she was a baby had colic and cried for hours and hours. i could just rock her and sing to her for hours and hours. even though she screamed back at me the whole time. i thought if this were wade and i got to hold him but he was crying, i thought would that be okay with me? you bet. even if she's crying, it's a gift this moment that i have. and it's -- you can learn things from each thing that's bad, there's always something to be learned from it. >> we have less than a minute. what do you say to other cancer patients? >> that as long as you are walking around, as long as you aren't dead now, then you're alive. >> larry: look in a mirror. >> that's right. you're alive. and t