lame stream media. so let me say this, there are scripted moments in politics and there are unscripted moments. usually they are more of the former than the latter. which is why we thought you'd want to see that one for yourself. that's it for me. i'll look for you tomorrow night at 8:00. here now "larry king live." >> larry: tonight chelsea handler rips on hollywood's cheaters. >> do you think that's funny? >> larry: tears into their mistresses. >> look at my forehead you [ bleep ], okay? >> larry: reveals her own sex-capades. >> someone didn't wake up looking this magical. >> larry: what kind of woman

sleeps with her boss and breaks up with him and keeps her job? yes, it's chelsea. who has no shame. >> i want to know what you drink to keep your body like that. what i'm drinking is not working. >> larry: is there anything she won't talk about? hope not. >> oh, really? >> larry: next on "larry king live." >> larry: chelsea handler is here. she's the star of "chelsea lately" on e! and is a "new york times" best-selling author. her new book "chelsea chelsea bang bang." we have the book right here in our hands. it is a runaway bestseller, and she has just come down our little runway. thank you for coming. good to have you here. >> thank you for having me. that was quite an introduction. >> larry: you were with us once but not here. you were at the spelling mansion. >> you had me go and do a tour of candy spelling's mansion. >> larry: is that one of the highlights of your career? >> it is one of the ridiculous highlights of my career. you've been there, i assume? >> larry: never been in. >> it was pretty amazing.

i didn't get to see all of it. >> larry: would you live there? >> would i live there -- with her in the house or not? i don't think so. >> larry: no. >> i don't think i need a house that big. >> larry: 500th episode of "chelsea lately" is this month. do you have a special program planned for april 13th? >> we don't plan that far in advance. we don't take our show that seriously enough to plan that far in advance. >> larry: are you thinking about number 500? >> it goes by pretty quickly>> larry: 25 years. >> if we could get someone amazing like david hasselhoff. >> larry: you told "entertainment weekly" a talk show host shouldn't humiliate their guests. is that your method? do you figure you just give enough rope? >> i like to -- yes. i don't think it's fair to invite somebody into your living room and then to skewer them or make fun of them. they're coming into your house,

so to speak, and i think it's nice to be as pleasant as possible and if you can help them or if they're -- if they're on their way to making a fool out of themselves not to get in their way. >> larry: do you have an agenda? >> not really. i don't have an agenda. >> larry: you were in a war of words, i understand, with one of jesse james' mistresses, michelle "the bombshell" mcgee. last night on your show you fired back for some comments she had made about your looks. check this out. >> one of the writers said she wrote on her facebook page and said chelsea lately made a comment about me. i guess she doesn't make magazines, which makes sense, since she has one on her face. and then she goes, it's funny, chelsea. and then she went on to write, chelsea, here is some free advice. use some of that botox from your forehead and put it in your flabby underarm skin. i've seen better wings in a bucket of kfc chicken.

until you've dipped my wings in 11 herbs and spices or bleu cheese dressing, look at my forehead you dumb -- okay? >> larry: this is relevant to the growth of our society. >> this is important, larry. >> larry: why? >> i'm a "new york times" best-selling author. the feud is not important. the show is very silly and we like -- i like to poke fun at myself and i like to poke fun at others. so when somebody like that makes a comment about me, i like to stand up for myself. >> larry: you should. >> i'm outspoken and i'm a comedian so you shouldn't say anything to me unless you're ready to hear it back. >> larry: would you have her on the snow. >> no, i wouldn't. >> larry: because? she's become a personality? >> no, because there's just a level that i don't want to go to. i think we probably experimented that with a little bit when the show started but we've been around now for a couple years and we're starting to get our

feet underneath us or our feet wet, i should say, and she's just not the type of person -- it's like heidi and spencer mon tag or proud or whatever their names are who i call herpes one and two. i wouldn't want them on the show either. i don't think it speaks volumes about the kind of person i am. it's a silly show but it's not a gross show. >> larry: were you a funny kid? did you make people laugh in class? >> i don't know that a lot of people found mean amusinamusing. i thought i was pretty hilarious but a lot of people probably thought i was super annoying. >> larry: we don't associate pretty women with funny. >> are you hitting on me right now? >> larry: no, i'm not hitting on you. >> i'm just checking, larry. >> larry: usually pretty women, we expect pretty women not to be funny. >> there's a lot of pretty funny women out there. >> larry: that's different. that's pretty funny women not pretty, funny women. >> oh, got it. >> larry: what do you make of the jesse james/sandra bullock thing? >> oh, i think that's pretty bad. i think with tiger woods, that

happened, and you were kind of stunned by the amount of women that came out and for it to just keep coming, a snowball effect, and then you start to look at him with such -- i, myself, lost a ton of respect for him. just at the laziness with which it was conducted and the not thinking about your children and your family. and then when another person that's in the spotlight, this happens to, it's just kind of like something is going around. you know? like people are hornier than ever or something. i don't know what to make of it. i love sandra bullock. i think everyone loves her. she has had such an amazing year so you just hope that she is going to figure this out and be okay. i have a lot of sympathy for her, more than i have for the swedish one married to tiger woods. >> larry: why not for her? >> because i don't -- i feel like the way she's -- i don't know why. maybe because i've seen sandra

bullock in more movies. i'm not really sure. for some reason i just like sandra bullock. i think everyone likes sandra bullock. >> larry: did anyone ever cheat on you? >> probably. >> larry: that you know? >> yeah, yes, in high school. i don't think people come forward with that information. i wrote about it in my first book. i wrote about him in my first book. >> larry: he was british? >> yeah. >> larry: how did you react to seeing him with two girls? >> i called the police. >> larry: it's a crime? >> in my book. they didn't show up. i keyed a car. i was 21 so i was pretty angry. if you're 41, you're going to behave that way, somebody, you know, that you trust and love cheats on you. i try not to cheat on my boyfriends when i have them. >> larry: you're a monogamous person? >> i try to be. it's a nice way to go. >> larry: do you believe in sexual addiction? we did a whole show on it last night. >> did you? >> larry: do you think there is such a thing? >> i don't know. i think maybe there must be.

it's a form -- i don't know what it's a form up. i think it's probably more common for a man than a woman to be addicted to having sex. i mean, we're just so over it by a certain time. you know, when it's new and exciting, it's fun and great. men constantly have to search for that. not that women don't but more so i think men really need that rush of feeling like -- >> larry: conquest. >> look what i did to you, boom-boom. >> larry: as in the title of your book. >> that's bang bang. >> larry: why isn't chelsea on "dancing with the stars" and who is going to the white house correspondents' dinner with the scoop? straight from chelsea after the break.

we're here at the world renowned manor which is where you've lived for several years, right, and you built this property with your husband? >> yes, i did. >> you're going to give me a special tour, just me and larry king and the three people that watch. okay. >> i always have a dream about when i saw "gone with the wind" i wanted some day if i have a house this big i want the same stairs. >> you had a really good husband. >> yes, i did. >> that's why you can never get married again. you can't replicate that. maybe the staircase but not the husband. >> this is our living room and i have all my various collections. i collect candy dishes, as you see around. >> yeah, you love to collect things, right?

>> i do. >> you collect dolls, right, is that correct? >> i collect dolls, clocks. now this is i call it the library. it was aaron's office. >> and all these copies of his leather bound scripts and everything, do you ever read any of them anymore? >> no, i don't. >> you're over it. you've seen all those shows. i have a question, i was wondering to myself looking at everything and looking at this home, do you have any idea how much you pay in property taxes each year? >> no, i don't, and, you know what, i don't think i want to know. >> i don't think you would want to know. good for you for not knowing. >> larry: kate goslin is competing on this season's "dancing with the stars." the judges don't think she can dance and she's being branded an offstage drama queen diva. watch. >> not teaching ever before. >> all it was was the fact i wanted to see the step. >> so this was all my fault. >> you're not hearing what i'm saying. >> i've heard you all day. >> i'm done. i'm done today.

>> i've tried everything. i'm a nice guy but i'm done. i quit. >> i don't get it. >> larry: the star? >> she is a star, larry. >> larry: what's your reaction to her? >> i think it's a statement of where we kind of are in this world, along with the part i play in it, which i take full responsibility for. >> larry: you put yourself in the same kind of class? >> no, absolutely not. i would never marry an asian man, but i -- i don't -- i don't really like the people that are famous because of something. >> larry: because of being famous. >> because of being famous. i guess she had a lot of children. she doesn't seem like the nicest person in the world. i don't know what kind of mother has that many children. i don't know how many she's up to right now, would have time to be on "dancing with the stars." from what i hear, the rehearsals

are laborious, four to six hours a day. you have eight children, that's pretty important to focus on. >> larry: why are we as a society fascinated by her? >> i'm not sure, when you see somebody like her on the cover of magazines every week, it's scary. there's so many people out there doing valuable work. you look at like a "people" magazine which used to be a good, nice magazine you could go to for real stories, they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, heidi montag. it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it? but it's important that people have their 15 minutes and let them go. >> larry: she's gotten more than 15. >> she's gotten a lot of minutes, so hopefully they'll be up. this "dancing with the stars" tour. >> larry: you turned down "dancing with the stars"? >> yeah, i have a job. i didn't need to do that. >> larry: did you have any inclination to do it? a lot of people watch it.

>> i don't really have any desire to dance in public, whether i'm dressed in a sequined gown or not. i don't think that's really my forte. i don't really love reality television. i have to talk about it on my show a lot, i've absorbed so much of it i'm very familiar with it, but there comes a point where your i.q. starts to come into question. you feel like your brain is melting, and so, you know, like you, we were talking in the break about how you get to interview different people every day, athletes or politicians or actors or whatever, philanthropists, it is why you probably are able to do it every day, because you get to diversify and talk about so many different aspects. >> larry: every day is different. >> hopefully you will retire soon, so i can take over a job like this. if i have to talk about kate gosselin for another year, i

probably will shoot myself in the head. >> larry: let's say i retire and they tell you your first guest is kate gosselin. >> wow, but you know what? in a format like this, you can have a real conversation, it's not so presentational, like the late-night shows. if you're looking at me, if we're communicating on my show you're kind of presenting something, you're being funny, or if you're watching the late-night show, there needs to be a joke. >> larry: showbiz. >> if i could have a heart to heart with her, that would be kind of interesting, if i had nothing better going on that day. >> larry: chelsea has something to say about entourages. in fact her posse is in the greenroom watching at this very minute. look at this. how many people does it take to get chelsea on tv? we will find out after the break.

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>> larry: in addition to everything else chelsea is

doing, she's touring with her stand-up comedy. this saturday she has two shows in minneapolis, she'll be at the gibson amphitheater in los angeles april 30th. she lives in los angeles, and is that entourage still in that room there? >> that's my brother and jenny, my friend jenny, and her sister jo jo. >> jenny mccarthy? >> yes, jenny mccarthy. she's here because it's autism month. >> larry: i know that. do you feel you need people behind you? these people have to support you? >> no, my brother is visiting. he's my cpa. he's coming here to slap me on the wrists. >> larry: i get it. >> he's here for that. >> larry: you will play a bratty teenager. you talk about hollywood encourages in that -- in that article, you dish about publicists, you say some are delusional, your publicist, steven devane, how did you decide he's your publicist? >> well, i decided, first of

all, he has an amazing reputation and handles himself very well. he's going to love this. >> larry: there he is. wait a minute, we're going to make a star here tonight. you are now looking, ladies and gentlemen, across the world looking at a publicist. >> he's a great guy. his brother is a great guy who is my agent. a good family, a nice big family like i do. they come from a good family, and he's very evenhanded. by doing my show, as you well know from doing your show, you deal with a lot of a-holes that are publicists. >> larry: really? >> they think they are the celebrity. i won't mention any names, though i would love to. >> larry: go ahead. >> no, i won't. but, you know, it's nice to have somebody -- >> larry: have you had other publicists? >> i have. yeah. i've always had good publicists, he's just a great guy, and i really wanted to take it to the next level.

>> larry: in the movie "days of wine and roses" jack lemmon, his future father-in-law says what do you do for a living? and he asks him to explain it. there beginning a ten-minute scene that is impossible to explain. how do you explain a publicist? >> it's hard. when you come into this business, you think of people who have publicists, that's so ridiculous. why you would need it? and then as you gain more and more momentum, you need somebody to act as a conduit to help you make the right decisions and help i kind of manage your time and what will help. when you write a book, you want the book to do well, you want the right publicity. you want to do the right things. when you have a tv show, you want to come on shows like this or want to reach audiences that you're not normally reaching. so it's good to have somebody with that experience. >> larry: why are you so open with things like masturbation? >> who said anything about masturbation? >> larry: you wrote about it in your book. >> i didn't expect you to read the book. i have to be honest with you. i thought you were just going to ask me questions about it. >> larry: well, i was told.

>> i am open about things like masturbating, because i think that it's refreshing to be able to talk about things that people tell you that you're not able to talk about. whenever i talk to my girl friends or my sisters or my family about, i want to be able to talk to everyone about. there are certain ways people think that they need to behave, and i feel like, why? we're all just here to have a good time. >> larry: so there's no taboo. >> i don't feel that way, there's base and then having a sense of humor. i don't like to be disgusting. i mean, i do kind of, but i like to have a really good time. i like to laugh a lot. and that kind of stuff makes me laugh. it might be considered potty humor, it is considered potty humor, but i don't think i'm a potty person. >> larry: i don't either. are you first and foremost a stand-up? >> i'm a comedian. stand-up isn't my one true love.

i love doing my tv show more than i do stand-up, because it reaches so many more people and you're able to go and do something in a half hour, see it that night, is great, instant gratification. >> larry: isn't there nothing like standing on a stage and making them laugh? >> to be quite honest, i love to have people around me. >> larry: obviously. look at the greenroom. >> being on the stage as much as a lot of people love that alone feeling, it's great to walk out to a crowd. i'm going to minneapolis this weekend to the northrop auditorium, to walk out and have those people screaming for you is probably the most amazing feeling, next to being a football player or something where you had a stadium, or dane cook, it's a pretty good feeling, but the tv show, my friends are around me, we all get to talk. that's just my favorite thing. >> larry: if you're a man and have red hair, chelsea has a special message for you, and

remember there's always dye. more after this. it can happen anytime,

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welcome back. chelsea handler is our special guest. her new book is "chelsea chelsea bang bang" and she hosts "chelsea lately" on e! jay leno thinks he and conan o'brien got a real deal. take a look. >> we both got screwed. the reason tv pays big money is when you get screwed, you have something left over. >> that's right. >> if you're a nurse or cop and you're screwed out of your pension, you're screwed out of your pension. in tv at least you walk away with some money. conan was treated terribly and i was treated terribly, and i think conan will come back and he'll be strong. >> larry: you're the only female late-night host. >> mm-hmm.

>> larry: what do you make of this? >> it's unfortunate. conan is a great guy, he's hilarious, really good guy. jay leno is a great guy, too. you know, jay gave me my start, and he was the first show i ever did a stand-up on. i've been on the show so many times, he's been so great and i always have -- i will always have a loyalty to him. it's really unfortunate situation to be in, and i don't envy either one of them. >> larry: do you blame the network? >> i blame nbc. it was a disaster. why would you do that? why you would move someone around? it's like missing the forest for the trees or whatever that saying is. >> larry: can't see the forest through the trees. >> i mix things up. i tend to. >> larry: it's cute. >> you know, it's not great to get a job like "the tonight show" and then have to walk away from that. it can't feel great to anybody, and especially to somebody like that. but he's a great guy and he will succeed. whatever show he does is going to be a huge success. and, you know, that's all i can

say. i wasn't involved in it. >> larry: you like them both. >> of course. >> larry: do you ever go beyond "chelsea lately"? >> i think so. i think i can see a way out. >> larry: you want out? >> no, i don't want out. i'm fortunate and have a great life, but after talking about celebrity, which we were discussing earlier, talking about it so much. it's a half hour, fast-paced show. i feel like it's more like junior high compared to, you know, what jay and conan do, which is more of high school. it's more -- i would love to go on and do other things when my contract is up, and kind of branch out and be able to talk about politics and sports. i don't really know much about sports, but i would like to be able to talk about it. >> larry: you learn a lot by asking. >> yeah. >> larry: in your second bestseller, are you there? it's me, chelsea. implying you drink a little.

>> i'm chelsea and i drink, and her name is belvedere. i can send you a case. do you want a case? >> larry: why do you choose that brand? >> it's the best vodka out there. >> larry: they all taste the same. they're all bitter. >> they don't all taste the same. have you had belvedere vodka? >> larry: i taste a sip of vodka. they don't taste good. jackie gleason said, if coca-cola could do for me what vodka does for me, i never would drink vodka again. it's true, isn't it? you can't say it's a great taste. >> it's not the best -- it's weird, though, because you don't think beer tastes good until you get older and then appreciate a nice cold beer after you do, you know, a long hike or something. >> larry: on a hot afternoon. >> or something ridiculous. >> larry: you wrote being a redheaded man is a lose/lose situation. you didn't have conan in your mind? >> no, no, but i did send him a note saying wear sun block when you move to california.

>> larry: are you against redheaded men? >> in general, i think it's a ridiculous look. is that why you wore the red suspenders for me? >> larry: no. >> don't get defensive. i like redheaded women. redheaded women can pull it off. redheaded men need to figure out a situation besides the one they're in. and i feel strongly about it. >> larry: so you would never -- you couldn't fall in love with a redhead? >> i was involved sexually for a short period of time with a redhead. >> larry: how? if you hate them. >> i slipped into a situation i was not able to get out of right away. i documented it -- it's in one of those books, i can't remember which one. >> larry: what did you do in the morning when you woke up? >> i put on sunglasses. it was bright. it was very bright. it wasn't pretty. >> larry: we'll be right back. don't go away. smoot

oh, you hurt me. >> just shut up. >> where? >> in front of me so i can watch it. they need to see it. who is in charm? this is my courtroom. face it more out this way. >> this way? >> out to there to that wall. >> will? >> that's good. i can see it. >> fine, fine. >> can you see there? >> can you see it? >> i can see it. >> press play, please. >> can we just play the tape? >> shut up, bruce. >> larry: we're back. we have a twitter question for our guest. the question is, chelsea, who is your favorite person to interview?

>> my favorite person to interview is you in between our breaks. i'm learning a lot of fascinating information about you. >> larry: you'll have me on your show? >> you would? >> larry: i would do it. >> you are very interesting. i know a lot of people wouldn't think that, but why -- i'm just kidding. >> larry: why anger a host? >> i'm not. >> larry: a key member of the "chelsea lately" team is chuy. watch. >> i like when he puts the pinky out. that's when he's drinking shirley temples. >> i'm taking the test next month for u.s. citizenship. thank you very much. >> cover your ears. i'm trying to make him feel like a full grown. if he says anything about his little fingers, i don't want him to think he's different. look, you look like a little deejay. >> you better check yourself. >> stupid. >> larry: one might turn this into a gimmick.

how did you come up with the chuy master? >> i like that. i like little people and i like corpulent people, i like big heads and big bodies on small things. i like when there's a lot of -- >> larry: let's examine that. >> i don't know what it is. some people would call it a fetish. >> larry: do you date men smaller than you? >> i wouldn't have sex with them. i want to squeeze them like babies. like fat babies, i really like. >> larry: you wouldn't date a midget? >> no, and i wouldn't date a baby. i like little people. i like them when -- he's so cute to look at. >> larry: how did you find him? >> i said go get me a little nugget. >> larry: you did? they found chuy >> they brought back a couple, but nobody was shaped like him. >> larry: where did they find him? >> i guess at the nugget factory.

he used to live in mexico. now he's living the high life. he's got a great life with me and i truly love him. he's part of my family, but i do like to abuse him. >> larry: you do? >> verbally. >> larry: so you get some sort of kick out of that? >> yeah, i have a thing for just hefty, you know -- i like fat people. >> larry: you've posed in bikinis, right, on magazines? >> mm-hmm. >> larry: how do you look at yourself? are you a very sexy person? >> do i think i'm sexy? >> larry: yeah. >> no. i think i'm confident. i have a lot of confidence. that can be sexy to some, and probably a turnoff to others. i don't really look -- i haven't thought about that question, which is probably a good thing. >> larry: are you a good girlfriend? >> in bed? >> larry: yeah, in bed. >> i think i would give myself a solid "b." >> larry: because there is for "a." are you a good girlfriend? >> i can be a good girlfriend, yeah. i'm a lot to handle, but i think

i give a lot, too. i reciprocate well. >> larry: you want to be a mother? >> not that i know of. >> larry: why not? >> you know, i have a lot of nieces and nephews, eight or nine, i think now, i love them so much, and they give me like, you know, a lot of joy and happiness. a lot of that joy and happiness comes from walking away when they are in a bad mood. you know, you get the best of them when you're their aunt and i get the best of them. i don't know that i would want a child to have to deal with in my life. i don't know if that's fair. i would rescue a child, if there was one that needed a better home, i would totally take a child in, but procreating doesn't sound so appealing to me. >> larry: i thought it's an instinct of the woman. >> i know. i don't have that instinct. i have the instinct to be maternal toward a child or any young thing, you know. >> larry: or someone with a big head in a round body. >> if god could guarantee me i would have some ridiculously

sized headed baby, i would go for it. >> larry: if you knew you could have a baby with a big head and round little body, you would go for it? >> yes, of course, if i could make my own nugget, i would do that. >> larry: that would take quite an epidural. who is hollywood's next train wreck. chelsea will give us a clue, next. state farm agent carrie maddox loves to... loves to tell everyone how drivers can get discounts up to 40 percent. your neighbors -- your neighbors can tell you, too. they're probably some of state farm's 40 million drivers. so talk to them. then call a state farm agent like me.

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the white house says she's a private citizen but the trip cost the public a lot of money. is the criticism fair? we're keeping them honest. and the cover-ups surrounding the death of an american soldier. tonight's interview, the father of pat tillman, the former nfl star who was killed in a firefight in afghanistan, shot

to death by u.s. forces. the military tried to cover up the reality. we'll uncover the truth with pat tillman sr. those stories and a lot more at the top of the hour. now become to "larry king." >> larry: we have a call. let's take it. sudberry, ontario. hello. >> caller: hello? >> larry: go ahead. >> caller: i just wanted to ask chelsea who out there makes you laugh? >> who makes me laugh? not people that are trying to, usually. my friends make my laugh, but there's always people that aren't trying to be funny, like david hasselhoff or paula abdul. >> larry: why do you

i get a lot of humor out of things that aren't meant to be keep mentioning him? >> it's the first thing that pops up in my mind. humorous. >> larry: you see things funny? >> i think a lot of people would take them more serious. >> larry: is humor a turn-on? if a man is funny? >> yeah, absolutely. i like a man that can keep up with and be quick and go back and forth. tlas there's something very -- >> larry: do you think you're intimidating to date? you're on television, you're pretty, you do stand-up, you think it's hard for a guy to come forward and ask you out? >> yeah, probably. i wouldn't ask me out. i would imagine. nobody's asking me out, so i'm assuming it must be hard. >> larry: do you sit at home on saturday nights? >> yeah, i just sit home and watch reruns of "the golden girls." >> larry: you're destroying the entire image. down the tubes. "vanity fair" once described you as a comic as a bimbo look and -- mouth. compliment? do you take that as a compliment? >> i don't know that i take it as a compliment but it's true. i probably do -- i do have a

rough mouth. i talk the way that i talk. i do kind of -- i talk the way i talk, and my father used to tell me i talked like a truck driver. i finally realized that maybe i am a truck driver. >> larry: maybe you are. >> maybe that's what i was born to do. i feel like i have a lot of intelligent thoughts and things to say, but i like combining those intelligent thoughts with toilet humor. i think that the two things can live together in a nice, happy space as long as you conduct yourself with, you know, in the right manner. >> larry: whose the next celebrity train wreck, do you think? >> i don't know. there's a lot of little kids out there that are getting a lot of fame. i had justin bieber on my show. he came and he's pretty confident for a 16-year-old. >> larry: how did that happen? >> i don't know. a lot of girls go to malls and like to hear little boys play music. with their bangs and their hair. you have young sons. do they have that hair that comes in their eyes? >> larry: not yet. >> that's around 13. watch out for it.

i don't know how that comes about. you just hope they're able to maintain. it's very difficult when you see these people, you know, to become successful so early, i don't know how you sustain that. >> larry: too much too soon? >> i didn't get success until i was probably 28, 30, and i waited tables for a really long time and i really appreciate it. >> larry: what kind of restaurants? >> they were all restaurants i was fired from. >> larry: for being incompetent? >> no, not for incompetent. just for being bitchy. >> larry: you were rude to customers? >> i didn't have a lot of patience for people who had to decide what they want for lunch. >> larry: if i sat down looking at the menu, and you come over, what would you do? >> well, first of all, i would compliment you on your suspenders, but second i would say you're pretty straightforward, but if somebody is lingering and they're at lunch and they act like it's an affair and they can't figure out what they're going to have -- >> larry: what would you do?

>> i would say make up your mind, you mess. what are you going to eat? i don't have time for people who take that long to make a decision about lunch. >> larry: wouldn't that hurt tips? >> i didn't get great tips, i'll be honest with you. so it did hurt tips, with you i was efficient. i was a good waitress. i got the order in. i just didn't want to talk about it for too long. >> larry: chelsea is from new jersey. what does she make of the hit show "jersey shore"? when the curtain rises. and the spotlight is yours. having a strong signal at your back is like having invisible power everywhere. because in that moment, you're not there to take up space. you're there to fill the room. rule the air. verizon. right now, buy a blackberry and get one free. like the bold, or the curve. only at verizon. heartburn that keeps coming back? then you're ready for new zegerid otc. zegerid otc is the first 24-hour treatment ever with two active ingredients:

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but there is one huge story that broke that i need to

address. some reporter released the story claiming i am in a new relationship, and for the first time in a long time, was having sex with someone other than my cabbage patch doll. i'm happy to say that it is true, but it's not just one relationship, it is many. i took this summer, and i took my lady parts on tour. and i'm calling it, wait for it, caslapapalooza. the hardest part was installing the stadium seating inside my vagina. this summer i made my way around fire island with this hairy jew. you can obviously tell by looking at him he's not that

successful. so we had to stay at his dad's house. and as a thank you for his father's hospitality, i also had sex with him. >> chelsea, you were born and raised in new jersey, new jersey is the setting for a number of reality tv shows right now, including "jersey shore." >> we have two girls upstairs and two girls downstairs. >> you're never sure what's going to go down. >> this summer is going to be awesome. you need to sit back and enjoy the ride. this is the best place on earth. >> there's also "real housewives of new jersey" what do you make of this jersey bit? >> i'm from new jersey, i'm proud to be from jersey. i'm from a nice part. there are parts of jersey that look like "the jersey shore" and what's depicted on that show.

it can be pretty crazy. when they say, people from new jersey get mad about the depiction, how can you say that? i'm from there, and it is like that. >> do you think it's because it's between new york and pennsylvania? >> somebody told me that the other day, it's kind of like the middle child of the states. maybe, i don't know. i didn't know -- i didn't see all of new jersey like that, but these reality shows all -- i mean, they're all ridiculous. so why not get new jersey in the mix. >> they're cheap, though. >> yeah, they're cheap. >> where are you from? >> livingston. >> larry: that's upper class? >> well, it was upper class, but my parents were right beneath middle class. >> we have a celebrity tweet for you from ryan seacrest. >> you always stroll into e! wearing lycra and spandex how often do you work out? what do you do? does chewy spot you. >> i do alet of pilates to keep

myself together. chewy doesn't spot me. >> what does that mean? >> when you work out with a workout partner. a spotter is somebody who helps you so you don't strain your back. >> larry: chewy can help you? >> no, ryan's trying to be funny, that's why i'm a comedian and he's not. >> larry: chewy is an apparatus for you? >> yeah, he is. >> larry: you write about your family in your new book. your late mother was mormon and your father jewish? >> right, and you're married to a mormon? >> they asked me to choose between judaism and mormonism. my one sister told me, you can't

drink, you can't have sex. i said, i'll take the dradle. >> to be very clear, this is from the book, my father had no friends, so when he says anything intimating that he does, i know more likely than not, he's referring to one of his jamaican girlfriends. none of my brothers and sisters can get an honest answer from him regarding his personal life, and we'd rather not know the details. he frequently has over young black jamaican women who are supposedly cleaning and hide in the bathroom when someone drops by the house unannounced. how did your father react to that? >> my father said to me, please stop telling people that i'm dating my jamaican cleaning lady, people are going to think i'm unavailable. i said, that's your biggest problem with the story, that you're unviable? you're off the market? you're dealing with a ridiculous

person. >> larry: is he in jersey? >> he is. he's watching right now i'm sure. >> larry: you broke up with your long-time boyfriend ted harper, which owns the e! network. we had several tweets asking if it's awkward having your ex be your boss? >> i would say yes it's awkward. we don't see each other, because i'm in a different building than he is. >> larry: why did you break up? >> it was just time to move out. >> larry: still love him a little? >> yeah, i love him a lot, for a long time. it was time to just -- >> larry: he would have been a nice catch? >> he was a nice catch for about four years. >> larry: did you live together? >> yeah, we did live together. >> larry: wow! >> i had to really get my clothes in a hurry. >> larry: we sent the kingcam out to get reaction about your books. >> why do you write so many books about having sex?

>> i only wrote one book about having sex, but it probably seems like i wrote a lot more, by the essence of speaking about sex, people think you're having more than you're having. >> larry: you haven't had a lot? >> in the recent past, no. i've had multiple partners -- >> larry: how is jenny mccarthy. >> she's my friend. this month is autism awareness month. she's got me involved with generation rescue, i wanted people to go on, it's called refresheverything.com/generation rescue. you can go on there and vote, and it helps the family get $250,000. an autistic family that needs the help. i've donated and it's amazing cause. i've spent a lot of time with her son.

>> if jenny were not with jim carrey would you date him? >> i don't know. that would be -- >> he's funny, he's good looking. it would seem to be everything you'd want, except he's not a myth et. >> he's not nearly little enough. i like to keep my guys the same height as chewy or ryan seacrest. >> would you date ryan seacrest? >> absolutely, in a heartbeat. >> what if we brought you two together. i'm a friend of ryan's? why not? >> all right, do it. >> larry: what are you laughing about? >> ryan doesn't want to date me. >> larry: are you too old? >> too old? i'm 35. >> larry: for ryan, that's old. >> i was like, he's going to start with my age now too. >> larry: you would date him? >> i wouldn'tate ryan, no. and ryan wouldn't date me. >> larry: how do you know?