most. they're just going to go their own way, believe what they want to believe. in the end, that could be the worst scenario ever. that's the nightmare for joseph ratzinger. and to a degree because of his track record that could come true. tonight my final appearance on the larry king live show. >> jerry seinfeld. he has kept one of hollywood's most buzzed about secrets until tonight. >> this is beyond new. >> the comic reveals the true identity. >> it's like not even total shock. >> come on, jerry, please,

please, please. >> someone we've only read about. >> there was -- >> part of the funniest man on the planet is here. >> the only thing missing on this show is a menu. >> jerry seinfeld is next on "larry king live." good evening. i have to say this. he is making his broadway debut. "history of the world in 75 min" and wrote the forward to an all-new letters from a nut. one of the funniest books you'll ever read. and tonight he'll reveal the secret author a little bit later. he's a longtime friend to this

show. watch, we'll show you some examples. >> look at this piece of junk. look at it. give me a camera. look at this. this is like a $4.95 opening act. you're headlining now. this is a nice weather map you have here. >> larry: what about financial success? you don't have financial worries? >> no. >> larry: how has that changed you? you can buy anything you see. >> yeah. i want that clock. who's the victim? where's the victim here? >> larry: you. >> you're your own victim. >> larry: it looks like qvc, doesn't it? >> and that's not all, you get the knives. >> larry: what do you make of the earlier conversation that bumped you 20 minutes. >> i can't tell you how flattered i am that it takes the president's genitals to push me back 20 minutes. that's how big a star i am. >> larry: tell us about that movie. >> that shot of you and

catsenberg -- >> larry: next week, on bee larry king -- >> no, he looks like you, and he has a show with suspenders and different colored dots behind him. the glasses and quotes along the bottom from the guest you're watching, even though you just heard him. it's not even a new one. >> do you take this in your luggage? oh, boy, what a budget. good-bye, clock! get another one! >> larry: we used it frequently until seinfeld's last appearance and then we couldn't afford another one. why did you take our clock? >> larry, this is my final appearance on the "larry king live." >> larry: it leaves in december. >> no, you'll be here. but i'm going. >> larry: oh, i see. >> and because it's my final appearance -- >> larry: no. >> -- i have in my hand -- >> larry: what? >> -- a clock that i am going to give you. it's the cheapest clock i could find. it's $3.

but i wanted a clock that looked most like the clocks that you usually have on this show. which i could never even conceive that you don't know what time it is, or you need to -- so i'm replacing the clocks that i have been stealing all these years. i am putting one down. and it's got a snooze. can we get a shot of that? it's got a snooze. because when you get older, that's what counts. >> larry: this clock shall be a permanent part of "larry king live." it shall be embellished in our hearts. we'll go to the smithsonian and -- what prompted you to take it the first time? >> it's annoying that a big-time, big-shot guy like you has a piece of eye-sore like that. it offended me. >> larry: all right.

>> by the way, that's an inexpensive item. >> larry: that's correct. you're going to put the rumors to rest tonight about who wrote letters from a nut. it was identified as ted l. nancy, which was a nonde plume. >> it was a none of plume. now, this idea of this character started 15 years ago. and when the idea arose, we decided to keep it a secret, who was writing these letters. >> larry: and tonight we'll meet -- >> tonight you're going to meet the person who has conceived of this entire character. and it was really thought of -- we did it as a kind of a gag. just for ourselves to have fun. and the books took off. and there's been, i think, four or five of them now. they've been best sellers. and it was never intended to be that. >> larry: the trouble with the book is, it's called trouble, you can't read it without breaking up. he writes crazy letters to people. >> crazy letters. and they answer him.

>> larry: he writes to hotels, businesses, corporations. >> because everybody's so concerned about offending a customer. i don't know. >> larry: why did you choose "larry king live" to reveal it? >> i have to be honest with you. >> larry: please. >> this is the funniest show on tv. >> larry: what? >> this show makes no sense. and -- >> larry: so it -- >> you sit here and ask these questions night after night, and nobody answers them, and nobody cares, and it goes on and on and on. and you sit here and you look like you're ready to order. this is what this show looks like to me on tv is a guy in a deli waiting to order. to me the only thing missing on this show is a menu. i always figure you're going to look up and say, is the corned beef lean? is it lean? >> larry: so you've chosen us. >> because this show is funny. do i want to do the "60 minutes"

funny? >> larry: no. >> no. >> larry: you see me with president carter, you laugh? >> yeah. >> larry: you do laugh? >> yeah. because it's -- you know, you're like an uncle who cornered somebody at a thanksgiving dinner and you just start peppering them with a whole bunch of questions and they're holding this piece of cake and they can't get away. you keep asking the questions and they're avoiding the answer. but you're annoying. but who people love. >> larry: i was hond erd to appear in bee movie. >> let me tell you why you were in bee movie. first of all, you have been in more movies -- >> larry: 26, i think. >> -- than any talk show host. that is because the show makes no sense. that's why they want you. but there's something about, we thought if there was a fantasy

universe where bees lived, when talked like people, then no matter what universe you could conceive of, there would be some version of larry king there. that's how omnipresent you are. >> larry: omnipresent? >> you're a part of -- so much a part of culture. the idea of a world without a larry king is inconceivable. that is why cnn will change their mind before this season is over -- what is it, december 18th. >> larry: 16th. >> 16th? it will go to the 18th. that's how strong you're going at this point. >> larry: you're on a roll. you are on a roll. by the way, you directed me in "bee movie." >> i did. >> larry: and of all the movies i've done, next to warren beatty, you were the most involved director. changing little scripts, little lines. >> i'm an artist. i wanted -- you weren't quite

giving me larry king. >> larry: that's right. you wanted more. >> too much larry, not enough king. too much king, less larry. >> larry: would you do a sequel? >> to "bee movie"? >> larry: yeah. >> no. >> larry: why? >> in case you haven't noticed, if you look at my career, and you see what i do, being a stand-up comedian aside, i do things and then i just walk away. have you noticed that? and i never go back. do you think i'll do another sitcom? >> larry: no. >> no. can we roll the clip, by the way, of you asking me -- it was my favorite. one of your producers asked me what was my favorite moment of being on larry king. my favorite moment was when you asked me if my show was canceled. >> larry: and you got ticked. >> no. i was joking. >> larry: you were acting. >> but it was a big internet sensation. because people thought that i was really upset. >> larry: but yet you did it pretty good. and then we were on conan the next night, both of us were on

conan the next night. >> that's right. >> larry: the cast of "seinfeld" reitis next. reyints next. ♪ when it's planes in the sky ♪ ♪ for a chain of supply, that's logistics ♪ ♪ when the parts for the line ♪ ♪ come precisely on time ♪ that's logistics ♪ ♪ a continuous link, that is always in sync ♪ ♪ that's logistics ♪ ♪ there will be no more stress ♪ ♪ cause you've called ups, that's logistics ♪ you its itsitisites to switch our car insurance to progressive. itis. oh, it's not justoday. th our free loyay program,you ef like accident forgiveness and bigger discounts just by staying with us.

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>> george costanza. >> yeah? >> is getting married! kramer, how am i going to wear this? i can't wear this. >> this looks better than anything you own. i'm out. >> you faked with me? >> yeah. >> you faked with me. >> yeah. >> no. >> yeah. >> what about the breathing and panting and moaning and screaming? >> fake, fake, fake, fake. >> you want bread? >> yes, please. >> $3. >> what? >> nothing for you. >> larry: that's too funny. the cast of "seinfeld" recently reunited on "curb your enthusiasm." they all walk onto the set -- >> it was a year ago. >> larry: once again. let's go back in time. >> all right. >> oh, my god. wow.

>> you got granite countertops. >> upgrade. >> oh, this is the same. >> this is the same. >> the experience of walking out and seeing the sets was interesting. the coffee shop set is exactly the same. what's wrong? >> what's wrong? what's wrong? >> i kept thinking about the moment i would stand in the kitchen and lean against that counter again. i couldn't believe i was going to do that again. >> hello, newman. >> i'm just really enjoying performing with larry. because he was always there with us. but we never got to do a scene together. so now we're doing scenes together. it's just fantastic. >> larry: what was that like to go back? >> it was mind-boggling. it was mind-boggling. because they rebuilt the set and we were all there. and so, you know, this is 12 years ago. you walk away. you go back to your old

neighborhood, you can see the neighborhood, but if you go back to your old house, it's not the same. so it was the same. so we got to really go back in time. >> how do you explain the success of "curb your enthusiasm"? >> it's just a brilliant show. and larry has all the gifts. he knows how to write, he knows how to cast. he's funny himself. you know, it's one of my favorite shows. >> larry: how did "seinfeld" come about? >> it came about because nbc had talked to me about doing a show, and i was standing in the "catch a rising star" on first avenue. in 1988. with larry david. i said, so nbc is talking to me that they might want to do something. i can't think of anything to do. so then we go across the street to a korean deli, and we're buying some food to eat, some, you know, junk. chips and things. we start making fun of everything. he says, this is what the show

should be, two comedians just talking. and that's what we started with. >> larry: was it a hit from the get-go? >> no. four years. >> larry: they stayed with it? >> yeah. it had good demographics. you know, we had a good audience that was -- whatever the advertisers want. but we didn't have very low ratings. very low ratings. >> larry: you continue now to do your stand-up. do you play vegas? >> i do about 100 shows a year. >> larry: that many? >> yeah, all over the country. >> larry: new material? >> not all the time. as much as i can. >> larry: but a lot -- you write all your own -- >> i write all my own stuff, yeah. want to hear a joke? >> larry: yeah, do a joke. go ahead. tell me something funny. aha! >> that's the worst setup. >> larry: i know that. you can't do that. >> any guy in a deli knows that, you don't tell a comedian to be funny. i love you in the deli. i don't know why this is not a dpelly set. there should be sandwiches here

and waiters walking around. that's where you belong, in a deli. >> larry: this is the world. >> speaking of food -- >> larry: i'm going to get to that in a minute. >> sorry to go out of order. you want to hear a joke. >> larry: i've got -- >> two men walking along, one was assaulted. >> larry: it's a kids' joke. the secret revealed next. high in vitamins d, e, and b12. plus omega 3's. there's one important ingredient that hasn't changed: better taste. better taste. yum! [ female announcer ] eggland's best. the better egg.

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>> larry: letters from a nut by ted l. nancy with an introduction by you. >> yeah. >> larry: explain this. is there a guy named ted nancy? >> there is, but i never met him. >> larry: he gets a big cut of this book. >> i know the guy who knows him. >> larry: the hero of this book. >> yeah. >> larry: he wrote all the letters? >> yeah. >> larry: that was a little falsehood there, because in a minute you'll meet who the real ted nancy is. but first, another first. >> one of the things that's great about being me -- >> larry: among many. >> among many. is i get to present people that i love that have great talents and great things. and i use you to do this. >> larry: i'm your prop. >> yes. i wouldn't say prop, i would say you're my -- you're my -- >> larry: i'm your idol. >> you're my idol, if that helps

you. tonight is three people who i'm really here to talk about. because i don't talk about myself. >> larry: i know. >> and this -- for the first time, my wife had a huge hit book two years ago. >> larry: unbelievable. >> called decentively delicious. i thought of the title. but she did everything else. it was a giant hit. she's finlly come out with a sequel. i know your wife loves this book. >> larry: loved it. >> i know you drove all around san francisco -- >> larry: i got the last cope they had. >> i got the first cope of the sequel which has never been seen anywhere before this appearance on "larry king live." here it is. "double delicious." and it's signed from my wife to your wife, shawn, warmest regards. >> larry: and this book is in stores when? >> i think you can buy it now. >> larry: okay. jessica seinfeld, "double delicious." you saw it here first. >> but she's not here. >> larry: i know. >> she's going to be on oprah

next month. >> larry: oh, good. i've heard of that show, too. >> yeah. >> larry: she goes to oprah, you come here. i like that. >> another one gone. nobody can hold a job around here. but the most exciting thing tonight -- go ahead. >> larry: jerry read one of my favorite letters back in 1999 when he was here. it's about, of all things, mickey mantle's toenails. watch. >> this is a letter to the national baseball hall of fame museum in cooperstown. i have a valuable which i would like to donate to the great hall of fame. i was an employee of a hotel in miami where mr. mickey mantle was staying. as i was setting up the room tray, i saw him clipping his toenails. he was then called out of the room. at that moment i dropped to the carpet and secured all the toenails that had been clipped off. there are almost ten nails, nine

and some shavings, but a full settle. they answered, dear mr. nancy, we are very interested in your story of the mickey mantle toenails. this is the hall of fame in cooperstown. >> larry: correct. >> they want the nails! they want them! >> larry: all right. all these are nutty letters. jerry, who's with you here? >> now, the man sitting next to me, the reason i am bringing him out tonight is because in the 15 years since we have been doing this, the internet has started up, and a lot of people have been out there taking credit for these letters. >> larry: oh, really? >> and saying i wrote the books and they're for sale op my site. because of the internet, and you know what that's all about, it was time to reveal the mystery. it's his fifth book coming out. ladies and gentlemen, the real

author of "letters from a nut," is barry p. marter, sitting next to me, who has been a colleague of mine for over 25 years. he's a comedian, a comedy writer. >> larry: how have you lived, barry, in anonymity through all of this with famous books? you know you did them. >> well, i don't know how to answer that. >> let's move on to our next guest. >> larry: barry, we'll have you back soon. probably december 17th you'll be back. >> no, i just -- you know, i was just writing them and it just got out of hand. >> larry: you did it originally as a lark? >> i did them -- i started about actually 16 years ago in '94. >> a frit ohs bag, right? eating a bag of frit ohs. >> the actual way it happened is i was sitting in the bedroom, with my girlfriend phyllis murphy. it was like 4:00 in the morning. she was watching television. this is actually how the whole thing came about. she was watching television. i was mindlessly sitting on a

chair eating a bag of fritos, just looking at them. >> larry: he was on a roll. >> the frito bag said, do you want to talk with us? you got any issues? we want to hear from you. who's going to write fritos? i thought, that's who. she was looking at me. kind of -- >> larry: did you write to them? >> not at that point. at that point i kind of just drafted a letter. the next day i noticed that these, you know, presidents' messages were all over. i had bon ami cleanser. and there was a smudgy stamp from the president. do you have some issues? tell us what's on your mind. signed gordon bruman the iv. >> larry: if you can remember the first letter, and we'll read some of the new ones. ♪

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no weigh? nope. no way. yeah. no weigh? sure. no way! uh-uh. no way. yes way, no weigh. priority mail flat rate box shipping starts at $4.95, only from the postal service. a simpler way to ship. >> larry: you remember your first letter? >> gosh, it's been about 15 years. >> larry: did you ever write to fritos? >> i did. i said i bought a bag of fritos and described a frito. i said they were all curled and crunchy and salty and hard and threw the bag away. i bought another bag and they were the same. i said, help me, fritos, help me. i just kind of -- i even wrote to the bon ami guy. i said your name was smushed and smudged. i thought, the fifth guy named

gordon brukar, what a weird life he's got. we just kind of communicated. that was actually in one of the books. >> larry: he's a little nuts, your friend? >> a little? let me read you a letter he wrote to the oakland chamber of commerce. i want to come to your city for the tiny man convention. let me be clear, we are not midgets, small persons, de min you tiffs, or fun size. we are tiny men. i would like to buy tickets to the performance of tiny bennett. this is a tiny man that sings like tony bennett. they write him back. dear mr. nancy, we could not find any information on a show appearing with mr. tiny bennett. but i attached a schedule for tony. he writes back to them. i told you it's not tiny, it's small mccartney. he is a fun sized man that looks like paul mccartney.

they go back and forth. >> larry: they answer. >> they answer. they're so afraid of losing a customer. >> larry: they answer because of fear? >> yeah, fear. >> larry: let's do another one. this is about -- this is about opening a sandwich stand in a casino bathroom. do you have that? >> yes. >> larry: read this letter. >> do you want to read it? >> read it. >> okay, i'll read it. this is to the kanook winds indian casino. i want to sell ham sandwiches in your restrooms. have a sign on the restroom mirror that says we have the potty melt. can you direct me to what office i would contact to request casino credit. they reply, dear mr. nancy, we thank you for your interest but at this time we're not interested in putting any businesses in the restroom. we have five food outlets for our customers. thank you for considering us, but at this time we are fine. >> larry: what do you make of -- i mean, your mind is wild. >> i think so.

>> larry: i mean, you are -- you know you're a little nuts. >> what do you think is the craziest one you ever wrote? mickey mantle was pretty crazy. >> hamster damn was one. i said, i am ensdajing my plan and need to know what health permits i need. my play is called hamsterdam. i need to bring 300 loose hamsters into your hotel and have them live in the room with me. this is for 12 nights. the hotel replied, our hotel cannot accommodate 300 hamsters in a room. i understand your concern about keeping 300 hamsters in my room. it is wrong. i now realize this is a disease issue. that is why i've decided to restage my hamsterdam play now called hamsterclam, telling about your beautiful city using clams. i will check in with 500 clams

and have them live with me. they are wet. please alert housekeeping so when they open the door they can spray. >> larry: oh, man. now, let's hear about your request to bring an ice machine to a hotel. >> we had other better ones. >> all right. there's one you wanted to check in. i like the one you wanted to check in -- >> larry: new letters from a nut. >> hold it up, larry. that's how we get sales. >> larry: all right. one more. >> i like this one that i wrote to -- i was trying to get a sign made. i'm opening a business next to a cuckoo roo restaurant. my business is called i am the walrus. i need one big sign to put next to them that says i am the walrus coo coo carew. >> you know coo coo carew chicken and elroy's? >> larry: you are a genius. >> thank you. >> larry: all you people on the internet, here he is. >> finally the mystery is over. >> larry: the name is barry

marter, the book is "all new letters from a nut by ted l. nancy." this is ted nancy. jerry stays with us. jerry stays with us. we'll be right back. a $35 annual fee. yes? tell me it's a mistake. yes? jerry stays with us. we'll be right back. are you saying yes or are you asking yes? yes? peggy? peggy? anncr: want better customer service? switch to discover. ranked #1 in customer loyalty. it pays to discover. it's work through the grime and the muck, month. tow and pull without getting stuck month. sweat every day to make an honest buck...month.

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i'm don lemon with a look at your top stories. secretary of state hillary clinton and george mitchell are heading a last-ditch effort to salvage israeli/palestinian peace talks. president mahmoud abbas is

threatening to quit the talks from israel does not extend a freeze on settlement construction in the west bank. a new leader for britain's labor party and he beat his own brother to get the job. he'll replace gordon brown who resigned four months ago after losing the general election. he defeated his older brother david by just over one percentage point. a 19-year-old woman is dead after a shooting at an off-campus party near seton hall, new jersey. four others were wounded. a man tried to crash the party and later returned with a gun. the torrential rains in the upper midwest are gone but the water left behind is causing big problems. thursday's downpours have led to a weekend of cresting creeks and rivers in parts of minnesota and wisconsin. no reports of deaths or injuries. but the flooding is expected to last through the weekend. those are your headlines this hour. i'm don lemon. keeping you informed. cnn, the most trusted name in news.

>> we have to get rid of any evidence that we ever had a prior relationship. she wants this guy to get rid of a sofa and she's got her husband's old prosthetic leg. are you kidding? >> it matches the couch they had sex on, the plastic lefg. it's a recipe for disaster. >> it's getting weirder. it is getting weirder. >> they're so moronic, i don't even want to help them. >> larry: that is from jerry's show "the marriage rep." what qualified them to give advice? how did you come up with this? >> i just love talking about marriage fights. i find them funny. and i love to hear what -- how people respond to other people's marital issues. they're comedy for the world. >> larry: not yours? >> not mine, no. and not yours. >> larry: no, not mine. >> but theirs. anybody else, it makes you laugh.

so i just thought it would be fun to have a show with funny people coming on. and talking about marriage. it seems to provoke natural comedy. i love that shot. >> larry: when is that on? >> it's coming back on nbc i think the beginning of next year. in january next year. >> larry: it's not on the early witness, right? >> i don't know what they do. but they're starting to shoot them now, the next season. >> larry: explain television to me. >> explain television? it's very simple. >> larry: you last four years without being a hit. wouldn't happen today, right? >> i don't know about that. don't you believe quality always survives somehow? you busted out laughing at that? >> larry: quality survives. >> quality survives somehow, always. not always, but most of the time. >> larry: a television network will stick with a show that has -- >> anything that's good. eventually somehow finds its way. you have to believe in that or you don't go into this business, right? >> larry: i guess so. it can be disappointing --

>> i've never been disappointed. >> larry: how do you deal with the suits in the business? >> the suits? the lawsuits? or the guys wearing suits? >> larry: the guys at the top. >> it's like a wife. you agree. you say that makes perfect sense. from now on we're going to do it that way. and then you do whatever you want. >> larry: the suits don't -- >> they don't know. they don't even watch their own network. >> larry: so you agree with them. they call you in, you've got a "seinfeld" episode, you say, we'll change it. >> when we were doing "seinfeld," they would come in and say, we don't understand what you're doing. but go ahead. that was the way "seinfeld" worked. >> larry: why did it work? >> it worked because there was a very loyal, powerful audience out there that loved what we did. and no matter how crazy it was, they stuck with us. and the networks, they do watch that. and they understand that. so even though they didn't get it, they knew the audience got it. and the audience liked it. so we were free.

and that's the ultimate thing in this business, when you're free to do whatever you want. that's the ultimate. >> larry: and you have attained that now. >> i have. >> larry: you have -- >> well, obviously. i don't need to be here. i'm here because i'm free to do whatever i want. >> larry: so you actually chose to come here? >> i choose to come. i have no place that i don't want to be. >> larry: what time do you wake up? what do you do in the morning? what do you do? >> you really want to know? >> larry: yeah. >> i have three kids. >> larry: that's enough. >> they're 9, 7 and 5. when you have three kids, it's like having a blender, but you don't have the top. you wake up ready. you hit the ground ready. so i wake up and i have breakfast with the kids. and we watch elmo. and people say, are you ever going to do another tv series? i say, i watch elmo every morning. and he jumps around and tells jokes -- i don't even know what the hell this thing is. i watch elmo every morning, i

think, you know what, let him just bust his little red ass. >> larry: jerry on broadway. broadway is next. see your authorized dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial. [ male announcer ] we asked zyrtec® users what they love about their allergy relief, and what it lets them do. the thing i love most about zyrtec® is that it allows me to be outside. [ male announcer ] we bet you'll love zyrtec®, too -- or it's free. [ vonetta ] it is countdown to marshmallow time. [ woman laughs ] ♪ we need to finish those projections ♪ ♪ then output the final presentations ♪ ♪ sally, i'm gonna need 40 copies, obviously collated ♪ what's going on? when we're crunched for time, brad combines office celebrations with official business. it's about efficiency. [ courier ] we can help. when you ship with fedex, you can work right up until the last minute. it gives you more time to get stuff done. that's a great idea. ♪ i need to speak with you privately ♪ ♪ i found your resume on the printer ♪ everyone! ♪ i found your resume on the printer ♪ [ male announcer ] we understand.® you need a partner who gives you more time.

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>> larry: we're back with jerry seinfeld. collin is a comedian, writer and new broadway show long story short, history of the world in 75 minutes. debuts you said november 9th, right? >> that's 13 days after jerry's wife's book really comes out. >> larry: october 26th.

>> october 28th. >> larry: stop. okay. >> 26th. >> larry: tell me about -- >> my wife's book. >> larry: why are you producing a broadway show? >> i'm directing, larry. directing. i wear a cape. i have a cane. >> he sits like this in the third row. >> i don't know. >> larry: how did this come about? >> this is a great story. we started this in the spring, right? >> right. >> we were sitting around. we have breakfast together, collin and i, multiple times a week. like you, you go to nate and al's. we have a place, i'm not going to mention the name. >> not the diner from "seinfeld." >> larry: okay. >> and i said to him, i said, you know what you should do, you should do a one-man show. one of the things that a comedian has that no other person, an actor doesn't have, is if you don't feel like dealing with networks, or producers, you can go right to the audience and present what you do.

and he was looking to do something. he was thinking of television, movies, talking to people and having meetings. and it gets annoying. i said let's just do a one-man show where you can just go out and do your thing. >> larry: what's the history of the world in 75 minutes? >> jerry wasn't done. larry, the history of the world in 75 minutes -- >> he goes and writes this thing. >> larry: oh. col colin, i don't know why you're havi laughing. >> he said, i don't want to read this one. you're larry king. >> larry: okay. >> i'm sorry. >> larry: what is the history of the world -- >> jerry's on fire tonight, have you noticed? >> larry: he's cooking. >> he's rolling tonight. >> larry: what's the history of the world in 75 minutes? >> just that. that's exactly what it is. >> what don't you get about that? >> larry: is it genesis? >> no, no, no. way before that. >> no offense, i'm still with

the new testament. no, i'm kidding. we started with the cavemen. >> and the birth of larry king right after that, right? >> larry: ooo! >> oh, i'm sorry. excuse me. for making fun of anything. >> the greeks first. >> larry: when you're directing the one-man show, what do you tell him, move to the left, stand there? >> that's what i do. exactly that. >> move to the left? >> i go, who do you have to know to get a latte around here? >> larry: it's all a monologue, right? background scenes? >> all the background scenes, yeah. bunch of background stuff. >> but colin really has a very -- is very smart. he doesn't seem smart. but he's very intelligent. he's well read. and he knows about culture and, you know, different -- >> larry: he's smart. >> he's really smart, yeah. >> air yo dit.

the fact that i know that word tells me i'm smart. >> he knows about serbian empires and ottomans. >> larry: will the public get it though? >> it's a comedy. i know comedy. >> larry: but do you know serbian empires? >> no, i don't know half of what he's talking about. >> larry: so why are we going to laugh? >> because we present it as a comedy. it's a comedy telling of the history of the world in 75 minutes. is that clear, larry? >> larry: yes. did you write it all? >> he wrote the whole thing. >> larry: and you're the director? >> i'm the director. >> larry: are you nervous? >> this doesn't look like broadway to you? >> larry: no. >> you're thinking broadway? maybe off-broadway. >> tommy tune. >> larry: are you nervous about opening night? >> we're terrified. >> larry: are you in rehearsal? >> sure. we rehearsed yesterday. >> larry: you do it in 75 minutes. you know what you're doing. no intermission, i guess. >> no. here's the great appeal.

this is why you'll love a show like this. you can think, i can be at dinner at 9:00. you're asleep by 12:00. >> larry: so you're going to pitch this easy to people. get out early. >> we will get you the hell out of there. that is why people love this show. >> larry: you would really like it if they look at their watch. >> yeah. >> larry: it means you're succeeding. >> i'll apologize if it's 76 minutes. >> he's been on a roll. i'm not going to make it to the next segment, am i? be honest. >> larry: no, you're not. november 9th. helen hayes theater. >> you know a little bit about this business. we started in -- how many seats down there in 45 bleaker? 100-seat theater. investors came in. they loved the show. we didn't want to take it to broadway. >> no. >> we were just screwing around. they said this is a broadway show. we said really? they said, we' put up all the money. >> larry: you didn't put up any of your own money?

>> no. well -- >> larry: good luck, colin. >> thank you, larry. >> larry: we'll be back with more of this. by the way, if you understand this, please send us a card, i understand this. cnn. don't go away. ♪

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>> larry: jerry seinfeld remains with us. time for the hero segment. anderson cooper reveals our top ten for 2010. >> i'm anderson cooper. all year we've been introducing you to our cnn heroes. everyday people changing the

world. today we're announcing the top ten cnn heroes for 2010. the honorees are in alphabetical order, guadalupe arizpe. susan burden, her reenter program helps female ex convicts get back on their feet. linda fondrin, she's brought her community together to shed pounds. and koirala rescuing women from sex trafficking. mcfarland feeds more than 400,000 kids every day. harmon parker connects kenyans with life changing resources. akira restores safety by defusing land mines. evan is lighting the way to prosperity for rural kenyans with his solar powered lanterns.

the top ten cnn heroes of 2010. which one inspires you the most? go to cnn heroes.com to vote for cnn hero of the year. >> larry: jerry, follow that. >> thanks, larry. let's throw up the pruda film also. >> larry: you like our heroes segment. >> i love heroes. that's nice. >> larry: everyday people. >> that is the classiest thing on cnn. i love it. don't you think? thees really classy. >> larry: every thanksgiving. >> that's great. >> larry: have you done heroic things ever? >> what was this? >> larry: this is a heroic -- >> this is like a medevac. you're on a show here as a comedian with no audience? >> larry: but there's people here. >> yeah, i guess. but what's funny about this show there's no audience, but you can still bomb. you could still go right down the tubes. >> larry: when's your next in-person appearance?

>> i'm in memphis tomorrow night, friday. >> larry: memphis? >> memphis, tennessee. >> larry: theater? big theater? >> it's a little 100-seater. of course it's a big theater. i don't know what it is. >> larry: do you ever, no, truly, do you ever bomb anymore? are you too big to bomb? >> no one's too big to bomb. >> larry: you don't automatically -- >> no. >> larry: bob hope said you have them for the first minute. >> you get a free minute. if you're well known. but as i like to say, nobody laughs at a reputation. if you're funny that night, they laugh. if you're not, they don't. they want to say, i went to see this guy. he bombed. they're dying to tell that story. >> larry: that's how confident you are. >> yes. >> larry: we'll be back with our remaining moments with seinfeld. they're sold out, i'm sure. >> it's sold out. to help reduce your risk of osteoporosis. it's never too late for caltrate.

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>> larry: wish we had more time, jerry. when we did this scene in the "bee movie," you pulled up in one of the wildest looking cars. you are a car freak. >> i am a car nut, yeah. >> larry: how many cars do you own? >> more than i need. >> larry: why? you only need one to get somewhere. why? >> because when you're in a car, you're inside, and you're outside. and you're moving. and you're still all at the same

time. >> larry: you're moving and you're still. >> you're moving and you're still. and you're inside and you're outside. >> larry: so why do you need four of them or five of them? >> because i love that experience. >> larry: what's your favorite car? >> my favorite car is a porsche 73 rs that only a porsche fanatic would know. >> larry: what does it do that other cars -- >> it makes certain sounds, it has a certain feel to it. it's just a hobby. it's an interest. >> larry: are you a fast driver? >> no. i drive reasonably. >> larry: you live in the city in new york. >> i live in new york city, yes. >> larry: you drive around new york city? >> i go outside the city. and i drive. >> larry: you have space to park all these cars? >> i have a little garage i keep my cars. i keep most of the cars someplace else. i'm not telling the thieves where they are. >> larry: you lived in l.a. for

a while. >> i lived in l.a. for 18 years. from 1980 to the end of the show in 1998. then i came right back to new york. because i believe that new york makes you funny. and l.a. makes you less funny. >> larry: why? >> some cities are funny. did you ever watch the local news in new york? and they interview a garbage man? he's always funny, right? >> larry: that's right. not funny in l.a. >> not funny. garbage men not funny in l.a. >> larry: what other cities are funny? >> minneapolis, miami's funny. wouldn't you agree? tijuana is funny. new haven is funny. >> larry: toronto? >> funny. >> larry: you've got to be so hip to get there. do you have any goals left? you've got a broadway show, books. >> i'm not kidding you, i love the people i brought on the show tonight. barry marter,